Latest / Libido Lounge / Why Compromise Does Not Work With Dr. Alexandra Stockwell

Transcript

Why Compromise Does Not Work With Dr. Alexandra Stockwell · Libido Lounge

• 0:00
  If you're a woman with low desire, then chances are you're not having the kind of sex that you
• 0:08
  would want more of.
• 0:10
  What it is that you actually want your partner to know about you.
• 0:14
  Compromise is probably the most common relationship advice that is given anywhere.
• 0:21
  When you compromise, the way I think of the phenomenon is that you're essentially holding
• 0:29
  back on, withholding the truth of who you are, your desires, your dreams, your challenges, who
• 0:39
  you are becoming on the inside to any degree to which that would be uncomfortable for your
• 0:46
  partner.
• 0:47
  It's extremely helpful to be really clear why it is that you want to say it because if I can
• 0:55
  open my heart, it is so much easier for me to open my legs later.
• 1:01
  It's like a thermostat and one person's libido is set on high and the other person's libido is
• 1:08
  set on low and somehow we can't access the thermostat.
• 1:14
  There's nothing we can do.
• 1:16
  That's just how it is.
• 1:19
  Sadness, anger, fear, and happiness.
• 1:23
  And disappointment is nowhere on the list.
• 1:25
  The real question is not how to change the thermostat, but how to experience more
• 1:33
  pleasure.
• 1:36
  Hey, everybody.
• 1:36
  Quick break at our episode to talk to you about our sponsor, My Libido Doc.
• 1:41
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• 1:48
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  So if you just go to mysexdoc.com, you will find that e book there for download.
• 2:18
  Now back to our show.
• 2:20
  Hi, everybody.
• 2:22
  Welcome back to another episode of the Libido Lounge.
• 2:25
  I'm your host, board certified sexologist, doctor Diane, and I have a really good
• 2:31
  relationship treat for you today.
• 2:33
  I have here with me doctor Alexandra Stockwell, and we're gonna talk about all sorts cool
• 2:39
  things today, but one of the things we're gonna talk about that I think you guys will find
• 2:43
  shocking is that compromise is not always good.
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  You know, we're taught so many times in relationships and love of like, meet in the
• 2:53
  middle, find the compromise, all those kind of things.
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  And one thing that Doctor.
• 2:58
  Alexandra and I share in our philosophy is that this is actually problematic because what it
• 3:03
  leads to, at least in my opinion, and we'll ask Doctor.
• 3:06
  Alexandra in a moment hers, But in my opinion, what it leads to is both individuals getting
• 3:12
  what they don't want.
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  And nobody actually in many of these cases really gets their knees, and so everybody can
• 3:18
  feel this sense of let down, and so much more.
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  So we're gonna get into all that GC stuff and more.
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  So thank you so much for being here with me today.
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  It is my pleasure, and I love how you've launched us.
• 3:30
  Awesome.
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  Well, let's start with that.
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  You know, I kinda told you in this intro, I kinda launched into, like, my personal problems
• 3:37
  and the work I do with compromise.
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  Tell me about what you've seen in all your years of of working in in this world of
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  intimacy.
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  What are the problems with compromise?
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  I definitely will, but I wanna just respond to what you said first and say that I think what
• 3:53
  you've described is disappointment.
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  When people compromise and neither person really gets what they want, then comes
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  disappointment.
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  And, you know, when we think of the big impactful emotions in our lives and
• 4:06
  relationships, it's typically sadness, anger, fear, and happiness.
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  And disappointment is nowhere on the list.
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  We think of disappointment as like a minor emotion.
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  The fact is that it slowly but surely erodes connection in the most detrimental ways and
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  disappointment is really like priming our souls for resentment which leads to disconnection, so
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  I just really wanna emphasize the point that you made.
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  It's serious.
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  A little disappointment is not just a small matter when it happens on a regular basis.
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  But shifting to my ideas about compromise, I I really agree with what you said.
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  Compromise is probably the most common relationship advice that is given anywhere.
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  The idea being if you want a happy marriage, you have to be good at compromise.
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  That is just false because when compromise is guiding you in your interactions, you are
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  setting yourself up when all goes well for a bland, pleasant companionship.
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  And, you know, that might be enough for some people, But my devotion is to smart high
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  performing couples who are interested in having a long lasting marriage that is full of
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  emotional intimacy and erotic aliveness and joy and pleasure and self expression and growth
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  together.
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  Compromise is incompatible with creating a relationship that has those qualities, and
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  here's why.
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  When you compromise, the way I think of the phenomenon is that you're essentially holding
• 6:09
  back on, withholding the truth of who you are, your desires, your dreams, your challenges, who
• 6:19
  you are becoming on the inside to any degree to which that would be uncomfortable for your
• 6:27
  partner.
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  So rather than making your partner uncomfortable and having to navigate that, you
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  compromise, you acquiesce, You tolerate.
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  You essentially disconnect from important parts of yourself, at least within the marital
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  context.
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  And as human beings, we can't, in our day to day interactions, have these kinds of
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  compromised guided experiences.
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  And then when we get to the bedroom, find some magic switch to flip that allows us to be fully
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  self expressed, present, bringing our whole authentic selves in the way that contributes to
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  a sense of timelessness and erotic expansion.
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  It just doesn't work that way.
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  So I advocate for what I call uncompromising intimacy.
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  The name of my book is Uncompromising Intimacy, and that really is a good description of the
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  methodology I use, which is rooted in learning well, really getting to know yourself and
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  learning how to share that with your partner in a way that is not blaming, it's not critical,
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  it's authentically sharing the truth of who you are so you can feel like you're your real self
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  in interactions with your partner and do that in such a way that invites your partner to do
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  the same.
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  These these can be very vulnerable communications.
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  They can be straightforward.
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  Really, it's about bringing all the flavors of you.
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  It's not that you have to tell your partner everything, but if there's something you can't
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  say, then compromise is at play and it's creating a kind of disconnection that you might
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  think is unimportant and for day to day interactions it might be, But the bedroom, you
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  can't fool the body.
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  You can't fool the erotic energy.
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  So if you're compromising in your day to day, that tends to infiltrate in terms of the
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  quality of sensual, sexual, erotic connection that's possible.
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  Yeah.
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  It's so well said.
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  And I think probably a lot of people are having these moments.
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  Right?
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  I think one of the things I talk a lot about on this show is what happens inside the bedroom or
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  wherever we are physically intimate with our partner is actually a reflection of outside the
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  bedroom and vice versa.
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  Right?
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  And what I hear, like, you say that I think is so critical is, hey, like, in all these
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  conversations we have about sex, about intimacy, and all all these things, we talk
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  about, hey, showing up, asking for your needs, asking for your wants, asking for your desires,
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  and if our practice throughout the entire rest of the day has been compromise your needs,
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  compromise your wants, compromise your desires, don't fully share yourself, then how if we're
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  practicing doing the opposite, how do we actually bring that into the bedroom?
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  Like, It doesn't make sense here.
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  So I know you have a whole book on this, know, in a ginormous process, and what I'm going to
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  ask you is obviously not gonna be able to cover it completely in today's show, but do you have
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  a sense of, like, like, how can we distill this down to help people understand just a little
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  bit of, like, the steps to get started on this?
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  Because I think there is.
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  There's so much that we do in relationships of like, okay, well, wanna be vulnerable, but I
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  don't wanna upset my person.
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  I wanna be vulnerable and, you know, and and really be authentic and whatever it is, but I
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  don't want to, have them be mad at me or have them be disappointed.
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  So we disappoint ourselves sometimes to prevent our partner from being disappointed.
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  And so it almost feels like this trade off.
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  We're trading one for another.
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  So how do we begin in what you've seen and what you've written about to to rectify that and
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  start to actually, you know, fully own ourselves as individuals?
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  Well, the first thing is that when I talk about uncompromising intimacy, I don't mean with the
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  word uncompromising that you always get your own way.
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  I'm not talking about being, like, uncompromising, inflexible, rigid.
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  That also does not contribute to connection and relational aliveness just as withholding in the
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  form of compromise doesn't.
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  When I talk about uncompromising intimacy, I'm really talking about how to share what's real,
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  and then you go from there.
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  Just know both of you knowing it means you're in the realm of uncompromising, and then you
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  can decide together what to do.
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  But in terms of how to actually communicate, which was your question, there are a few
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  things.
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  One is to actually know what you wanna say.
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  And that sounds very obvious, but there are a few things.
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  One is that when it comes to desire, when it comes to what's alive inside us, if you're not
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  used to expressing it, if you're not used to putting your own attention on it, then that
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  really is the first thing to do completely independent of interacting with your partner.
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  You might journal.
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  You might daydream.
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  You might, I don't know, scroll Instagram and see what inspires you.
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  I'm not really advocating that, but the point is that you need to know what it is that you
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  wanna say.
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  And it's totally fine if what you wanna say is, I feel dissatisfied.
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  I'm not sure what I want.
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  That's okay too.
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  That's actually a very vulnerable communication.
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  So it's not that you have to figure it all out and then make the communication, but you do
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  need to consider a little bit of what you're gonna say because if you just take the time to
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  think out loud and, you know, more of like a brainstorming or eventing, that's fine.
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  You might well do that in your relationship, but that's not gonna build the kind of
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  closeness and connection that comes with a vulnerable communication like we're talking
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  about in this context.
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  So that's the first thing is, like, identify what it is that you actually want your partner
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  to know about you.
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  Then the next thing is to say to your partner, I have something vulnerable to share with you.
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  Are you available to hear it?
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  In other words, you might say vulnerable.
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  You might say important.
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  You might say something unusual to share with you.
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  Whatever it is that feels accurate to you, if you've given some thought to what you wanna
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  convey, then you're gonna know a good adjective to use.
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  But the point is you say what you want to do, and then you ask if he's available to hear it.
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  And this needs to be a real question.
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  This is not just some rhetorical question where if he says anything other than yes right away,
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  that then you get mad.
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  No.
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  It has to be a real question.
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  And if you're in a committed relationship, then the answer is either, yes.
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  I'm available or no, which is essentially a not yet.
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  And so, ideally, you know, like, sometimes I'll say to my husband, you know, something I really
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  wanna tell you.
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  And he'll say, okay.
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  Well, I've had a long day.
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  I just wanna take a shower and have some dinner, and then I'll be available.
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  And that's totally fine.
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  Okay.
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  So after you're both opted in to having the conversation, then it's extremely helpful to be
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  really clear why it is that you wanna say it.
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  Because let's say you have something that isn't working for you in the bedroom or maybe you
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  don't feel supported with household tasks or whatever it is.
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  It really doesn't matter.
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  If you just start in with that, the most likely scenario is that your partner is going to shut
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  down or become defensive and angry.
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  Those are just normal human reactions.
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  There's no commentary on his character.
• 15:02
  That's just normal.
• 15:03
  Just a quick break to let you know that 80% of women do not have orgasms from vaginal
• 15:09
  intercourse alone.
• 15:11
  So many people are not having the type of sex that is healing, that brings them closer, that
• 15:17
  brings them more connected, that is full of so much pleasure and passion that it can build
• 15:22
  bones, reduce stress, help serotonin, bring happiness, lower anxiety, improve sleep, and
• 15:28
  build a better connection with your partner.
• 15:31
  That is what hot and modern monogamy is, is modern monogamy that brings in all of that
• 15:38
  passion, that desire, that closeness, and that healing, and that's what you can get at the hot
• 15:43
  and modern monogamy club.
• 15:45
  So if you're interested in that and I can help you, please go to modernmonogamyclub.com.
• 15:50
  Now back to our show.
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  So if you begin by saying why it is that you're making this communication, what you hope to
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  achieve from it, and it should be something that's important to both of you.
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  So for example, it might be, I've been feeling kind of distant, and I want us to be more
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  connected.
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  That's why I wanna tell you this.
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  Or I know you've been wanting to have sex, and I have been declining because I just feel kind
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  of disconnected.
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  I think after I share this with you, we'll both feel closer, and I'll be more ready to say yes
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  again.
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  Or whatever it might be.
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  Like, it doesn't have to be about sex, although that's a if it is, then say so.
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  But the point is you want, first of all, the opt in, and second of all, that the
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  conversation is gonna take the two of you in a direction you both want to go, then he will
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  listen differently.
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  And then you make your communication sharing whatever your experience is, and it's very,
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  very important if you're gonna have a vulnerable communication that it doesn't
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  include blame.
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  It it this is not like a setup to make your partner wrong, but it is a setup to really
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  share what's real for you so the two of you can move forward from there.
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  And then the final thing is that whether it's three minutes later or three days later or
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  three weeks later, the vulnerable communication does not include problem solving.
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  It really just includes being present with one another So as you share, you feel seen, heard,
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  and received.
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  So it's very helpful if you can tell your guy how to win and say, you know, after I tell you,
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  I'd really love a hug or after I tell you, I just wanna sit quietly together or after I tell
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  you, I'm gonna have a few questions and you can see if you have the answer.
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  Like, just be clear because if you give clear instructions, he'll be able to give you what
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  you want.
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  And if you don't, chances are he is not gonna read your mind and know.
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  So I'll just give an example of how this goes because I've I've given the general
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  instructions.
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  So I'm gonna think about things.
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  I had to go to bed early.
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  I'm I'm making this up.
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  I had to go to bed early last night, and I had to get up really early this morning for a
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  really big project at work.
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  And I asked my husband to clean up the kitchen after dinner, and he said he would.
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  And I got up this morning, and the dishes are the kitchen is not cleaned up.
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  And, of course, at that point, you know, I have the option of erupting, of just walking back
• 19:00
  out and doing nothing, of cleaning it up, making a lot of noise so everybody knows how
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  this didn't work for me.
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  There are lot of options there.
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  But instead, what I choose to do, and it's not gonna be that morning because I have my big
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  work project, but in the evening, I'm gonna say to my husband, I have something I really wanna
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  share with you.
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  Are you available to hear it now?
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  And he's gonna say, let's let's have the conversation after the kids are in bed.
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  And I'm gonna say, okay.
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  No problem.
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  So then it's time for us to get together, and I'm gonna say, I have something I wanna share
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  with you because I know that if I don't, it's gonna fester and be this long, drawn out,
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  unpleasant, disconnecting thing.
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  And so I'm speaking up so that the two of us can feel harmonious and in our groove together.
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  And then I'm gonna say, when I woke up and and the point I really wanna model here is not
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  blaming.
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  When I woke up in the morning and I saw the kitchen was a mess, my heart just sank because
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  I felt like I'm not important to you.
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  And that was really hard this morning, especially with this big project that I had
• 20:29
  going.
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  What I didn't model is telling him how to end, like, what to do at the end, but notice that I
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  really shared the impact.
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  There's no manipulation.
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  There's no you shouldn't have.
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  What the hell were you thinking?
• 20:52
  There's none of that.
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  It's just the impact is that I felt unimportant to you.
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  Yeah.
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  And that's heartbreaking when that happens.
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  And I just wanted you to know.
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  And, you know, the next time that I have a work project and I ask him to clean up the kitchen,
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  or I don't have a work project and I ask him to just clean up the kitchen, I might say, you
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  know, is there anything you need for this to act to actually happen?
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  Like and it could be that he was exhausted and fell asleep, and he meant to do it, and he felt
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  terrible before I even said anything.
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  Or he could have totally forgotten about it until I say, like, his experience is his
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  experience.
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  The point of uncompromising intimacy is for me to open my heart and share my experience both
• 21:55
  because that is nourishing and contributes to the quality of connection and in the context of
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  this conversation because if I can open my heart, it is so much easier for me to open my
• 22:08
  legs later.
• 22:10
  Yeah.
• 22:11
  Yeah.
• 22:11
  It's so, so well said, and I love the, you know, just like the similarities that I've
• 22:17
  heard in this and similarities in, like, in what I've talked about in my own work even
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  regarding things like, like, the the permission I think huge.
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  And I think even when we're we're asking for permission around, like, doing the process like
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  you're talking about, one, it puts, it's like, it puts power in both people's hands.
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  Like, where it's like, okay, in this example you gave, he has power to say, okay, yes, this
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  is when I can do this, and then in turn, the the person that's asking for that conversation,
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  right, has power because they are suggesting it.
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  They're bringing it up.
• 22:53
  But I know so many people, like just knowing that there is a space for this conversation can
• 22:59
  really help the nervous system relax versus like, okay, have to have this talk, I have to
• 23:04
  have this talk, and like the nervous system gets hyped up and we're worried and we don't
• 23:07
  know how it's gonna go, and we're festering and circular thinking and all the things, and just
• 23:13
  knowing that, okay, there's a space for this, I'm going to be held, we are going to come, you
• 23:18
  know, together for this, then even if like you have to wait, it is, you know, it's sometimes
• 23:22
  still hard to wait, it's not saying that's like always a cakewalk, but it can really help the
• 23:27
  nervous system to calm at least somewhat to say, I am going to be heard.
• 23:32
  My partner is going to hear me, and and there's that space for it.
• 23:37
  And I also think the other thing that I really wanna highlight when you said is just that that
• 23:40
  concept of being successful in these conversations is in many times asking for
• 23:46
  what's how you want your partner to respond.
• 23:49
  You know?
• 23:49
  Sometimes I think this is where, like, women in particular, like, we all have our tendencies,
• 23:55
  women and men, And sometimes, I know that a common construct that comes up is women,
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  they're, like, wanting to just almost, like like, vent about their day and their their
• 24:04
  struggles, and they're not in problem solving mode.
• 24:07
  And a man, you know, again, these are very big stereotypes.
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  Of course, this is not true, of course, across the board, but it's just a common thing that
• 24:14
  come up is, like, the the man in in a hetero relationship then walks in and is like, you
• 24:18
  have a problem.
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  I can help.
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  I wanna help.
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  And then that's not what the person's looking for in this example.
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  It's like, oh, no.
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  I just wanted I just need to talk to my dad.
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  I can't solve problems.
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  I just need your hug.
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  But how can anybody know that unless we say that's how we want to respond?
• 24:34
  So I think there's so much genius in in the way you describe that.
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  I wanna add to that and say that if someone is used to knowing what they want, like you have a
• 24:46
  lot of self acceptance, self awareness, you self honor in how you orient yourself, then
• 24:54
  telling your partner how you want him to respond is a very straightforward
• 25:00
  communication, actually, and you do your selves both a favor, no question.
• 25:05
  But what is far more common is you might know not know what you want, or you might think what
• 25:12
  you want is a hug, and it turns out that's not what you want.
• 25:18
  Maybe you want him to just restate what he understood so you can be sure that the
• 25:26
  communication was successful and then a hug or maybe no hug, whatever.
• 25:31
  But the point is that you don't actually have to have this figured out.
• 25:36
  I wanna really emphasize building on what you said about honoring the nervous system and
• 25:45
  calming it that you can say, I think what I want afterwards is a hug, and I'm not actually
• 25:53
  sure, so I'll update you when I know.
• 25:57
  Or you might say, I don't even really know how I want you to respond.
• 26:03
  I know lots of times when I haven't liked how you've respond, but I'm trying to figure out
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  what works well so I can share you and we can both be happy with it share it with you and we
• 26:13
  can both be happy with it.
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  And so let's try this, and I'll let you know if that's a good way to respond when I share
• 26:21
  something like this.
• 26:22
  Like, you do not need to have all the answers, but you do need to communicate on your journey
• 26:29
  of discovering them.
• 26:32
  Yeah.
• 26:32
  It's so empowering and just puts I think it puts the couple back into a position where
• 26:38
  they're, like, both on the same team.
• 26:40
  Right?
• 26:41
  It's like we're working together for the same common goal of figuring this out, whatever this
• 26:46
  is.
• 26:46
  And maybe you don't know, but but you're on the same team again versus, like, almost at odds
• 26:51
  with each other, and it works so well.
• 26:55
  So in the few minutes we have left today, and then we'll have to continue in part two.
• 27:01
  Oh.
• 27:02
  Yeah.
• 27:03
  Coming soon.
• 27:04
  Can you tell us a little bit about, like, taking this concept of compromise and putting
• 27:11
  it to this common thing that we talk about in sexology and and sex therapy, sex coaching, all
• 27:16
  of it, which is desire mismatch.
• 27:19
  And and it's I'm having way more conversations these days on people that are like, I hate the
• 27:23
  term desire mismatch and I am with them because it really does lead to the focus on this.
• 27:29
  We create a problem that's not necessarily a problem.
• 27:31
  Right?
• 27:32
  And so why is desire and libido mismatch a myth?
• 27:37
  Well,
• 27:40
  I think the whole way our society in general thinks about libido mismatch is like one
• 27:50
  person's libido it's like a thermostat and one person's libido is set on high and the other
• 27:57
  person's libido is set on low and somehow we can't access the thermostat, there's nothing we
• 28:06
  can do, that's just how it is.
• 28:09
  And so that's basically the fundamental idea and that is so ridiculous because our
• 28:17
  sexuality, it's not compartmentalized.
• 28:22
  It's not like we can pinpoint, oh, well, we just need to take this pill to do this or that.
• 28:29
  No.
• 28:30
  Our sexuality is expressive of our wholeness.
• 28:34
  And if you think of Maslow's hierarchy, you know, where they're the basic needs of shelter
• 28:41
  and clothing and food, like, we need a lot of different things to be in place in order for
• 28:50
  sexual ease and relaxation and desire to flow.
• 28:56
  So there are so many elements to this and I know you talk about a lot of them, but the main
• 29:01
  one that I wanna highlight and my audience is definitely both men and women and it's really
• 29:09
  important for men to hear this and it's also really important for women to hear this and
• 29:14
  that is that if you have low desire if you're a woman with low desire then chances are you're
• 29:24
  not having the kind of sex that you would want more of And so it it's not I know you talk so
• 29:32
  beautifully about the different causes, the physical cause, the relational cause, and the
• 29:38
  individual cause, and I think of both the relational causes of libido and the individual
• 29:47
  causes of libido both determining that the kind of sex that's being had is not it's not making
• 29:57
  you want more.
• 29:59
  And so the real question is not how to change the thermostat, but how to experience more
• 30:10
  pleasure.
• 30:11
  And so for a woman with low libido, the first place that I highly recommend starting is
• 30:19
  putting intention and attention on experiencing more pleasure in your life.
• 30:26
  Never mind sex, orgasm with your clothes off and involving your genitals.
• 30:33
  Like, if you have a cup of coffee or tea in the morning, how much do you enjoy the aroma and
• 30:41
  the flavors?
• 30:43
  Like, how much pleasure do you get when you look at the sunrise or the sunset or flowers
• 30:51
  blossoming, how much pleasure do you get as you cook food with the colors and the textures and
• 31:00
  the shapes?
• 31:02
  Like, all of our senses, our eyes, our ears, our mouth, touch, and smell are incredible
• 31:13
  pathways to pleasure.
• 31:15
  And so if you're not having a lot of pleasure, if your libido is low, the first thing to do is
• 31:26
  dial up the pleasure for your senses in ways that actually have nothing to do with sex
• 31:31
  except they do because they they lubricate your responsiveness for pleasure in the bedroom
• 31:37
  which is rooted in sensual experiences.
• 31:41
  So the two things that I really wanna emphasize in this conversation are that if you if you
• 31:49
  have low libido and you're with a man with higher desire, then your job is to experience
• 32:00
  more pleasure through your senses in your day to day life and then allow that to infuse more
• 32:12
  pleasure in the bedroom and to get real that if you're not having the kind of sex that you
• 32:21
  would want more of, that you look forward to, then low desire is a very normal, natural,
• 32:30
  unproblematic response to that.
• 32:33
  It's so well said and such a perfect lead in to part two, you guys.
• 32:39
  So we have two.
• 32:40
  You guys will be able to access in the club below.
• 32:43
  And part two, I'm gonna ask Doctor.
• 32:45
  Stockwell about things like how to communicate with your partner around pleasure, and if
• 32:51
  you're having the type of sex that is, like, not what I sometimes call the right type of
• 32:57
  sex, where it's, like, just not bringing you pleasure, and just like just like Alexandra's
• 33:02
  saying, like, where it's, you're not feeling that desire because it's not really doing
• 33:06
  anything for your pleasure body.
• 33:08
  And you might still be having orgasms.
• 33:11
  Like Yeah.
• 33:11
  That's not the point.
• 33:12
  It's is it, like, truly nourishing?
• 33:17
  Yeah.
• 33:18
  Yeah.
• 33:18
  Thank you for that distinction.
• 33:19
  Think it's a very important distinction.
• 33:21
  So, you know, like talking about, like, having the type of sex that is, like, nourishing and
• 33:26
  pleasure filled to a point that it's gonna actually want you excited for more, and how to
• 33:32
  have those conversations with a partner when that's not happening, and how to have this, you
• 33:37
  know, these conversations when the when the ego can get so hurt sometimes around feeling like
• 33:43
  we're not providing the type of pleasure we want for our partner.
• 33:46
  So all of that and more in part two coming up, look for that in the show notes.
• 33:49
  But before I let you go, I wanna make sure people know how to work with you, how to access
• 33:55
  your book, and anything else you wanna leave us with today.
• 33:59
  Okay.
• 33:59
  Well, thank you.
• 34:01
  The place to go alexandrastockwell.com.
• 34:05
  That's my website.
• 34:06
  From there, there are links to my book, which is on Amazon and Audible, Uncompromising
• 34:11
  Intimacy.
• 34:13
  It's the way to find my podcast, the intimate marriage podcast, and links to all my social
• 34:20
  media.
• 34:20
  I'm very active on my email list.
• 34:23
  I send out all kinds of high value tips and tools and further thoughts like we're having in
• 34:29
  this conversation.
• 34:30
  And if you want to, look into any of my programs or working with me privately, all of
• 34:37
  that is at alexandra stockwell dot com.
• 34:41
  Perfect.
• 34:42
  And we will have that in the show notes for everybody for super easy clicks and access.
• 34:47
  Please do check out all of doctor Stockwell's books and information.
• 34:52
  And everybody, this has been such an amazing episode.
• 34:55
  Thank you so much for being here with me today and listening to this conversation.
• 35:00
  I hope this really helps you with communication and not compromising yourself, not compromising
• 35:07
  your relationship for the intentionality of being more intimate, of uncompromising
• 35:13
  intimacy, like the name of doctor Stockwell's book.
• 35:16
  So thank you everybody for being here.
• 35:17
  Thank you, Alexandra, for another great episode.
• 35:20
  Thank you.
• 35:24
  Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
• 35:27
  Please don't keep me a secret.
• 35:28
  Please share this with your friends.
• 35:30
  You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.