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Hidden Killers: Understanding the Consequences of Sexual Choices · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for May 15th, 2026 Hidden Killers Understanding the Consequences
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  of Sexual Choices So today we discuss choices and sex.
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  There are so many ways to go with this. Everything I have said this week applies here.
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  But I want to use sex to address another reason we make poor choices.
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  Not understanding the consequence of our choices.
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  Or downplaying the consequences in our minds. I'll cover two issues today.
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  The first is usually done by men and the second is usually done by women.
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  But both can go the other way.
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  Regardless of who is doing them, the emotional fallout remains the same.
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  For men, the choice is easy.
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  Pornography. For this discussion, I'm talking about videos of fully naked women
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  doing blatantly sexual things.
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  I think porn is far more than that, but rather than argue where the line is,
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  I've chosen something most will see as porn.
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  Most men would not look at porn if they knew the next time they did,
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  their marriage would end.
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  Many would manage to abstain from porn if they knew looking at it would end
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  their sex life with their wife.
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  But these are not the usual consequences of porn, and the majority of church-going
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  men look at porn at least once a month.
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  By the way, the same is true for a third of church-going women.
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  Do these men think they get enough from porn to offset what it costs them? I suppose they do.
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  But if they significantly misjudge what it costs them, then their conclusion is bad.
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  Here's the thing. Most women dislike their partner looking at porn,
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  and about half see it as cheating. Those statistics are for the general population.
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  Among Christians, far fewer women are in any way okay with it.
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  If your wife sees porn as cheating, continuing to use it is killing her sexual desire for you.
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  It's also undermining her love for you.
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  Arguing porn is not about her or is not cheating won't change her mind or how
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  she feels about it, nor will it change the consequences you suffer.
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  Guys, the next time you use porn, it probably won't end your marriage or your
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  sex life, but it will harm both of those and it will hurt your wife.
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  If you could really see the consequences of choosing to look at porn,
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  I think you would find it far easier to stop.
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  For women, let's talk about empty sex.
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  Empty sex is what he gets when she lies there and spreads her legs.
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  It's saying yes with her body, but nothing more. It's emotionally empty,
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  and there is no effort to connect, engage, or make it good.
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  You might wonder why a man would accept empty sex. For the same reason a hungry
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  person will eat food they don't like.
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  It's not what they want, but it takes care of the hunger.
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  If it's all they can get, and they're really hungry, they go for it.
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  The problem is the long-term consequences.
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  When your sexual desire is treated like changing a diaper, that hurts.
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  And if that's how sex is, even a minority of the time, it hurts deeply.
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  It makes you feel unloved and undermines your love for the woman hurting you this way.
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  The reality is, few men will keep accepting empty sex. It's easier and less
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  painful to just take care of it in the shower.
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  Beyond that, it increases the temptation to lust and to act on said lust.
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  This is not to excuse sin, but it is a potential consequence of empty sex.
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  The solution to empty sex is not faking something you don't feel.
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  The solution is seeing his desire as a valid part of the man you love and treating it as such.
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  You don't have to get fancy. An enthusiastic handjob can be far better than empty intercourse.
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  This is Paul, and the consequences of doing marriage well are great.