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Your Fear Isn't the Truth With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Hey everyone, welcome to this week's Mojo Monday. So hard
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: truth to talk about is that all of us live
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: with fear and I'm not talking about physical fear because
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: most of us in the Western world are living in
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: environments where we've never actually been safer, like physically safer,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: but we all have fear and it plays out in
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: so many different ways. So anxiety, worry, self-doubt, Most of
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: it involves thoughts of the past or the future. And
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: those thoughts are really old thoughts because our thinking is
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: shaped by our past experiences. So, for example, if you
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: have perfectionistic traits, chances are there were people in your
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: past who demanded high standards that you didn't always meet
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: and then that drew criticism. Or maybe you were compared
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: to others in a negative way. So now you live
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: with a constant fear of not being good enough and
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: constantly comparing yourself to other people. These are constructs of
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: our past experience, not necessarily the truth, but the fear
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: is our reality. And that's really important to understand. Fear
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: and truth are not the same thing. So what happens
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: when fear arises? You know, we do our best to
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: avoid it or control it and in doing so we
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: give the fear fuel and we can become victims of it.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: And I am not saying that in any deogatory way
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: because I am a victim of my own fear all
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: the time. So there is an Indian very wise saying,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: guru who I've only just been reading his books from
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: the 20th century. His name is Gidu Krishnamurti and I
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: know some of you listening would have heard of him
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: but I have actually only just discovered his work. But
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: what he says is self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: which is the ending of fear. So the way out
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: of being run by fear is is to understand ourselves.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: So think about this. What is your conditioned response to situations?
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: So if somebody criticizes you, do you spiral into shame
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: or do you become deeply hurt and then spend the
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: next few days ruminating over what was said or rehearsing
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: what you could say next or guessing what the other
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: person is doing? Do you run from difficult situations and
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: avoid them altogether? If you are aware that this is
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: your condition response, then you can become the observer of
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: that response. The observer and the responder are both you,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: but who gets to be in charge of what happens next?
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: If you're not aware of your condition response or responses,
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  Speaker 1: Then that means you're on autopilot and you're driven by
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: fear and the fear becomes the truth and what you
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: perceive as true becomes your only reality. So becoming the
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: observer of the fear, it creates that space between you
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: and the fear and the fear may stick around, but
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: it's now a bystander to what you choose to do next.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: That fear now has a question mark next to it.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: It's a conditioned response that arises to protect you, but
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: it isn't helpful. So once you're fully aware of your
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: conditioned response, you can become aware of what you really desire. Now,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: I've talked about this concept from marita therapy before, where
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: fear and desire go hand in hand. They're two sides
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: of the same coin, and we all carry a coin.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: If what you desire is to be, say, accepted by
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  Speaker 1: others or to be of value, then put your energy
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: and your focus and your attention directly on that. If
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: you want to be valued, then be of value. You
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: know the fear is there and it may simmer away
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: in the background, but it's not in control. You can
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: be of value and not be perfect. You can do
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: a good job and not be perfect. Remember, fear is
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: not your truth. The truth is only in this moment
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: in what is asked of you. It's not your past
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: or your future. It's what is right now. So ask
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: yourself what needs to be done and then do it.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: And you're taking that fear along with you while it
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: runs its own course. So this week, become aware of
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: your conditioned response to situations. And it might mean you
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: have to sit and really reflect on that. And once
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: you're aware, then get clear on what the fear is.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: What is the fear behind those condition response? And once
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: you can observe that fear, turn your coin over and
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: get clear on what it is you desire and focus
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: more on that side without ignoring the other, but you
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: let what you desire be what motivates you, not your fear.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Have a great week, everyone. I'll catch you next week.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: See ya.