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Transcript

We See Ourselves In You! (We Know What It Feels Like to be Hopelessly Drowning in Marriage) · Long Haul Marriage Roadcast

• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I am trying to get my second win or deciding
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: if I'm ready to go to bed.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: I think the first word I got when I hit
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: record was woo. So that is that your number one
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: on your Strength Finders.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: What woo? It is winning top five, winning others over.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Winning others over, and you are a wooer.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: I am O we woo. Okay, we won't go any further.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah with that, because you know what I'm about to say.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, So last last weeks I had somebody ask me
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: and you just forget what we I mean, I forget
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: what we talk about. But they said, so did you
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: end up getting sick? So it was literally a week
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: ago tonight where I was not feeling well and they said, man,
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: you could hear it in your voice, dude, that's you said.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: You've never seen me in our thirty this coming June
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: thirty six years of marriage, you have never seen me
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: throw up. The last time I threw up was we
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: went on that fishing trip, me and Hatch and Bee
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: and Steve gall We went to Lake Jackson and we
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: did the offshore fishing trip. And it wasn't it wasn't
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: the seasickness. You know. I avoided that. That's a good
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: story about Ernesto who lost. A shout out to my
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: little hey, hey Ernesto and all my roomies, my college roomies.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: But no, it was when we came back and we
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: prepared the fish and we all ended up getting food poisoning,
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: and that was I mean, I don't remember throwing up
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: in the last thirty five years.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't. I don't remember you and.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: I garld for violent violent.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Well, I hope everyone listening is okay with talking about hurling,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: but hurlan I know someone who you can't even say
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: it there.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: And you know, so turns out back in Georgia, we're sick.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Chandler was sick and I got it. You got it. Yeah, man,
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: it was. It was brutal. Yeah, but it was about
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: twenty four hours. And so I can tell you, you know,
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: after the weirdest night and no sleep and just living
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: in the bathroom, we uh, you know that the next
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: morning it's like, you know, I felt a little bit
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: just kind of pint low, you know, and uh but
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: then as the day I man, nice little shower and
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: kind of sweated it out and man, by you know,
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: after a couple of cups of coffee and by midmorning, man,
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I was feeling like five ninety percent, and by that
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: afternoon I was I was back. Yeah, but that was brutal.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: So yes, thank you for asking king and thank you
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: for caring. We were both sick, but we pressed on.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: We had a good week and we just got off
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: of our first ever intensive. Yes, so we are certified
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: marriage mediators the EXO Marriage Institute.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: And what does that mean.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we did a two day intensive with a couple
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: and man, what an experience. Yeah, so so many takeaways
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: for me, you know, and we got a great review.
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: We're going to wait and share that we got a
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: great review from the couple already. Man, it sounded like
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: a professional reviewer and yeah, chat GPT has nothing on
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: this girl.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: No, and even going into it, so this was you know,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: these were people that we that we knew and have
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: worked with before, and they self admitted said we might
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: be the hardest couple you've ever worked with, And so
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that is true. I think actually
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: we probably could have been the hardest couple anybody had
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: ever worked with back in the day.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: But it was a joy ticket to walk.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, about five minutes ago, you were sitting out on
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: the front porch. I had been on a walk and
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: I came back and you started talking about some things
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: you wanted to share. I said, well, stop, stop, stop saying.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: I don't like to talk about it. I don't like
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: to rehearse. I don't like to go over the things
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: we're going to talk about first, because you know, you
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: lose the excuse me, you.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Lose Wow, you forget where we were, forgot your manners,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: you have no manners.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Pizza, Kenyon Lake, Canyon Lake down by Wimberley.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: So one thing that so sorry.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: I said, let's come in and let's roll it. But
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: this is going to be very difficult because we don't
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: want to spoil. We don't want to like, ay, we're
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: going to keep obviously everything confidential and the couple confidential.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: But even with the element of the intensive we've shared
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: a little bit already, yes, but man, we just want
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: to keep that kind of up our sleeve because it's
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: just so special. But but man, what a great experience.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: So this is going to be a little tough to keep.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: So if you hear us biting our words, and because
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I don't like to edit these things, it's just because
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: we're we're probably going to start down a road that
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: we don't want to go all the week down, but
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: but we do want to share what a positive experience
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: it was for us, for that couple, and man, what
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: the breakthroughs that we saw and especially this morning on.
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: That final day.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: So I think, first, you know, some people may know
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: what an intensive is, you know, I mean, you can
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: kind of surmise it's an intense situation, but maybe we
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: should just explain more the concept.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: Well, we've already had a few questions because when they
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: hear the word mediation, because that's in the title, you know,
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: it's not marriage mediation in that it's well it's it is.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: It's marriage reconciliation mediation. It's not divorce mediation. So most
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: people when they hear the wordy mediation, it's the context of,
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: you know, going through a divorce. And you know, many
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: of the couples that we see are contemplating or on
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: the verge of you know, they're hanging by a thread.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: But the purpose of this, it could be the last
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: ditch effort, could be the hail Mary. But the purpose
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: of this is to go into it and to learn
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: some new skills and to do some things differently and
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: to think differently. So because our beliefs drive everything. It's
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: what we see is most people are believing lies, and
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: so then they feel they base their feelings and their
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: thoughts and then their actions off of those lies. And
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: then they start showing up and they're breaking all kinds
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: of the forefoundational laws of the marriage. And here's so
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: that's yeah, that's what it is. It's it's sitting down
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: instead of this one hour at a time. And I
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: think you went into that last time we talked about it,
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: instead of just sitting one hour at a time with
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: a couple. And then they got a schedule next week
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: or every other week or once a month or whatever,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: and it's trying to reschedule, trying to get all the
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: stars aligned for all four of us to get together.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: And by the time you do that, they've ripped scab
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: off and any progress they've made sometimes they've three steps
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: forward in the session and four steps back during the week.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: And this is setting aside a full eight hours or
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: a full sixteen hours and saying we're going to dive
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: in and we're not going to go just back and forth.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: And did for tat and same old, same old, and
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: just get into the fighting. And he said, she said,
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: and will you do this? Will you do that? And
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: we're gonna take a time out and we're going to
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: teach and we're gonna learn some new skills for the
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: way we communicate with each other, the way we handle conflicts,
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: and just change our mindset, because the battlefield is in
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: the mind, and so be transformed by the renewing of
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: your mind. And so it's yeah, it's about knowing your
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: mindset about yourself, about your partner, and about God center
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: his I guess interplay in the dynamic of the couple.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've had someone asked me, so, wait, so
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: y'all went down to the hill country. That's so cool,
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: And I said, yeah, it just so happened that this
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: couple specifically asked.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: You know, hey, could we do it?
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Like we feel like it would be good to leave,
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: like change our scenario, you know, we want to change
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: change location.
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: And so we did.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: But it's not like for every you know, marriage intensive,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: we're going to head to the hill country.
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: We could, but so we do travel to your area, Yeah,
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: so we can.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: We we've got places here that we can schedule with
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: and meet. So if you live, you know, out of
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: state or even out of the country, whatever, you can
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: come you know here to Dallas for Worth area and
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: we can do it here, or we can come to you.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: So I am very very excited and very hopeful about
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: this new tool, just because I keep going back to this.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: But I wish, babe, that we would have had something
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: like this for us, because we just got stuck in
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: the way that we were doing things, and we were
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: on what you know, what we talked about this weekend
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: was that hamster wheel. Just hell, just over and over
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: and over again, just digging, digging, digging, and just making
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: it worse, you know, And I wish that there was
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: something like this and you could you can't go back.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: It was all a part of our story.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: So it's not like, really I'm having regrets, but it
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: makes me think, Man, I'm so grateful that we have
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: this effective and efficient tool in our hands that we
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: feel so equipped and so excited about that we can say, hey,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: let's save you some years, let's save you the divorce,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: you know, let's give you a shot at saving your marriage.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, we keep talking about this, this
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: new tool, and it is but but Man, it's all
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: these resources wrapped up in this tool, in this mediation resource.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: It's incredible what I what I saw come out of you,
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: what I saw come out of us. And that's really
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: what I wanted to talk about instead of getting into
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: the nitty gritty about you know, the couple and that
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: their experience. But but just what I saw, because what
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: we've learned. You said, what did you say out there
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: on the porch five minutes ago that you wanted to reiterate, Oh.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: That we see ourselves and them.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: We see ourselves in these couples like we're not beyond it,
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: we're not above it. We yes, we've learned some things,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: and yes we are applying some new things and we
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: are achieving some And I'll just keep going back to
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: that word, the one that I feel like in this
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: synergy of this team, and it's not just my Clifton
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Strength Finders top five and your top five and you
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: put it together and you have ten. It's like it's
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: these two compounds. It's making this new thing that didn't
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: exist before. Like when I see our team, well yeah, yeah,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: you know, I was just talking to a friend about ayahuasca.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I mean just just saying no, I've never tried ayahuasca,
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: but I do know it's the vine of one plant
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: and like the leaves of this other shrub, and you
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: mix them together in the potion and then it makes
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: this thing. And yeah, anyway, without getting that and BMT
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: and all the different compounds in ayahuasca, but it's the
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: you know, the total is greater than some of the
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: parts and blah blah blah blah blah. I mean this
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: synergy and what I saw as you and I are
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: becoming more one and it's not just I mean, babe,
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: it's not just doing this ministry together because I've done
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: it so long myself and you've done it solong yourself.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: It's just sharing everything and what I see coming out
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: in us and again what God has, the gifts he's
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: given you, and seeing you operating those gifts and just
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: feeling inspired and creative and feeling like we're like being
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: gifted new things on the spot while we put together
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: and synergize. And I don't synthesize, synthesize all the stuff
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: we've learned in our in our thirty six years and
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: working with so many couples, so this is a great tool.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: But I just believe it's getting compounded, you know, and
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: it's growing, and it was just so fun and you know.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: To do it with you Yeah, yeah, well thanks babe.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: The word that I kept saying and I told you this,
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: but I was telling the kids. I just watched you
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: just be masterful, like you have just mastered this. And
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I don't mean that sounds like I'm, you know, putting
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: you up on this pedestal, but just masterfully work through
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: some issues, kind of lead us through, you know, And
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: it was just really cool to watch that because I've
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: seen it and I know it. I mean, it's what
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: we do every day with couples, you know, as we
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: sit on zoom or sit in our living room or
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: meet up with them or you know.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: So it's it's not.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: That that's new to me, but because doing it in
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: this way for hour after hour after hour, I mean,
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: it's it's just a new way of doing it and
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: watching you know, you just take all of these different
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: parts and put them together and you know, us use
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: our stories, you know, and different analogies that we have
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: and we see the light bulbs come on. You've got
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: that whiteboard out and you're, you know, working it out
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: It's just it was masterful.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: Well and I man, I appreciate that, but I'm telling you,
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: it was like when you are given like during that
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: unplug and renew and then the plug back in. During
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: their unplugged time, I went for a walk and what
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: was downloaded to me. And then in the moment when
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: I was hearing them that this morning, in that final session,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: when I was hearing them articulate some of their you know,
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: the way they were feeling, what they were believing, this
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: just this analogy came to me. And when we just
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: got on the whiteboard and just started going and it
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: was literally exploding in that moment, and you just realized
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: there's more where that came from. God's going to give
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: you when you put yourself in that you know, for
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: all I think about I'm thinking about Brandon Lindsay Charles.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: You know, when you put yourself in that situation and
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: you want to be you know, you want to fix
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: that that pipe, you know, and you become the plumber.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: God gives you the wrench that you need when you're
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: under that sinc at just the right time. It's not
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: like you have to have the gift of wrenches, you know,
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: it's just it's just like being in the flow and
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: allowing God to be there and work in you and
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: through you. But so when you said we see ourselves
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: in that couple being able to relate again that never
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: feeling like you've got it all figured out or that
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: you're above or you know, we're the experts, but man,
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: we've been in those trenches. Like we've been there, and
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: it's just so relatable. Ale were men and women be married.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: You know, See, we're human beings. This is the humanity
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: that comes out. And when you're able to be humble
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: and just admit your humanity, most of what we see
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: is in marriage. Man, we're just we're smoke screening these
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: feelings of weakness. We feel weak and we're embarrassed, we're
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: ashamed about some of the things, and so we start
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: fights and we show up as angry, especially with men
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: in men, you know, because we don't want to say
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: we feel afraid or ashamed or sad. And again I
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: always go to those, but there's so much more lonely, rejected, abandoned,
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: you know, all the feelings. But when you just it's
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: like okay, when you showing up in humility like they've
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: done the pre work and their heart's already changed when
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: they come to this mediation. Just that being vulnerable, being humble,
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: being teachable, showing up with grace, and then how we
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: normalize all the stuff that people that would be shameful,
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: things like nope, nope, we've done that. We get there.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: It's like when when you've been to hell, it doesn't
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: matter how you like. Our you know, story is different
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: from the couple that we were just with. You know,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: we there are some elements that are the same, but
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: some it's it's different. You know, we all kind of
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: have a different story. But however, you got to hell.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: You know, in this life, we've been that when you've
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: been to hell, you and you see someone else in
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: hell and you have kind of a you know, away
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: a rope that you can throw them and say, hey,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: grab this. You know, this is the way out. We
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: want to help you, Like there's such a deep desire
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: to help because you feel like you've got some you know,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: like we've been there, so we know how it feels
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: and we can help you find the way out, and
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: so you know, will you follow? You know? And then
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: the really cool part is like what you were talking
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: about a minute ago, about just going on that walk
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: and the Holy Spirit just kind of giving you this
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: download like this will help. Here you go, this will help,
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: And I feel like it just makes me even more excited.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: I don't feel overwhelmed by it because I feel like
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: every couple is going to be different and we are
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: going to have to rely like we've you know, I
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: was going to say, maybe like we've never relied before,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: but truly, you know when when as we want to
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: help more and more couples, we are going to have
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: to rely so heavily on the words from the Holy Spirit,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: from downloads from the Holy Spirit.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: God, we need you.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: This This isn't about us and how much we know
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: and how you know far we've come or how good
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: you know we God, keep us in a place of
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: humility and just in a place to receive from You
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: so that we can just turn around and give it
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: to whatever you know, to the couple that we're working
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: with at the time, and that well will never run dry. Right.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when people you just said that when you've been
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: in hell, that that that you want to throw them
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: the lifeline. I think you said the rope I've always said,
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: you know, when people say, how do you still how
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: do you not just burn out or how do you
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: still have this passion? And I think it is derived
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: from my you know, knowing what it felt like to
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: be like sinking and the waves going literally like I'm
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: going down like my one two you know, the one finger,
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: the two fingers and my third fingers up and I'm
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: going down. And so the sense of urgency, I want
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: to throw the lifeline because I know what it felt
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: like to be drowning and literally feel hopeless. And so
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: the passion is still there. One of the one of
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: the the guy joked after our second you know night.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: So the first night was this un abbreviated a shorter
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: session and had great dinner with the couple and hanging
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: out that night. It was fun. And then that after
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: that really long day and dinner where we went out
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: on our own and the couple did some work on
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: their own and uh we went and sat out on
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: that patio with the lights and live music and had
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: a great, great that pizza that was filled with those
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: halapenos and killed me. But when he came back, he
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: just laughed and said, thank you so much for coming back.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: He didn't know if he joked today to say, and
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: they didn't think we were going to come back, but yeah, yeah,
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: we're gonna, We're gonna come back. You know, it's not
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: it's it's it's not hard. And it wasn't like, oh
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: my gosh, it wasn't a beat down, you know, for us,
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: it was just it was life giving. It's life giving.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: And I I think when we see the light bulbs
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: turning on and we see the hope returning, and we
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: see them getting some of these new concepts and being
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: willing then to put them into practice, being willing, I
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: think I think that's the cool part. You get a chance,
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: not just this new concept and you go ah, YadA YadA,
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: but then you you actually you go through it and
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: you learn it and you learn to start applying this.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: And it's a process that if you go through it,
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: I mean it's hard to mess it up. It's kind
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: of becomes kind of a fool proof, do you you.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Know, but it's not a magic pill, like oh, bling
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: their marriages all better and you you warned and kind
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: of you know, told them to kind of guard like
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: guard against this or watch for this. Don't be surprised.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: You know that when you you know, come back and
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: the same thing is going to you know, hit the fan,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: and so what are you going to do about it?
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Because it's yes, you've learned a lot, and you have
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: some new ways of believing and new ways of thinking
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: and some new tools to help you. But when you're
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: in the throes of a you know, I mean, it's
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: almost like one false move and boom, you're back to immature.
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: Dummies.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: You know, that was the.
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: Like the enemy is going to come against us? At
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: which one that the enemy? How about you got about
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: twenty five thirty enemies like on the road coming back
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: from Yeah, it's going to be there's always an enemy
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: coming against anything that's good, and so you have to
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: have your eyes wide open for that. And you can't
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: you can't panic and you can't. It's like that training
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: for you know, people in military training. So when there
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: is the stress and when there is what would be
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: just panic, and and you know that that just anxiety
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: where everything goes out the windows. No, no, no, you rely
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: on your training. This is now muscle memory, and you
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: go back to something like you have to implement this
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: otherwise you're just back to the races, back to the
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: crazy cycle. So yeah, uh, the cool part that the
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: girl and I don't want to spoil it, I want
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: to wait for her review, but that she mentioned about
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: you and and something specifically about you. One of the
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: things that I saw as we started out last night,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: it surprised me, or sorry, the first night surprised me.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: The the emotion that came out as I began, and
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: then the emotion that came out in you as you
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: began this morning. That is or I guess yesterday morning. Sorry.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: It all kind of starts, it runs together. There was
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: a lot, but that that emotion. I just appreciated that
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: tender spirit, that tender heart. So no matter how many
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: you know, couples we've worked with, and how many hours
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: we've spent, and how how often we see ourselves in them,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: it's not like you just don't get cynical, you don't
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: get jaded, you don't get calloused. I just see that open,
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: tender heart that you still have to receive and just
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: that grace to give. Yeah, that nurturing maternal man just
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: wise sage, and I really, like I said, I just
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: really really appreciate it. I'm learning and it took me
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: so long. But one of the things that those and
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: you can call it the strength Finders, you know, top five.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: Or you can look at the enneagram and you look
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: at Myers Briggs, you look at the people code, the
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: color code, or you can just look at Brian and Jamie.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: You know, I've said you don't have to become an
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: expert on women. Just become an expert, you know, on Jamie.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: You do have to become an expert on men. Just
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: become an expert on your spouse. Right, But that learning
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: who you are and being curious about who you are
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: and seeing you for who you are instead of who
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: I wanted you to be or who I thought you
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: were when I first married you. It is a freaking treasure.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, you're awesome and just seeing you with a
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: new light and it is it's it's been, It's been
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: really really cool. Yeah, it's like, wow, Brian, how did
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: you miss it? And how did like why did you
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: wait so long? But okay, so I want to comment
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: though on that. So there are so many I heard
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: this couple today say it, and we hear it. I
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: heard it last week. It's like, man, why do we
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: have to go through this to have the you know,
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: the reformation? They're likely reforming our thinking or our minds
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: or transforming our minds or reforming our marriage. You know,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: there's no other way. You have to go through the
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: death before there's a resurrection. And I just don't want
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: people to lose hope thinking, man, why did we wait
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: seventeen years? Dude? If you get it after seventeen years,
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: that's that was our track record. Like you're ahead of
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: most literally, you're ahead of most couples if you if
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: you but it's like, why why can't we just go
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: up into the right right? Why didn't we just start
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: here and we just went up into the right because
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: you just that's not the way life works, and that's
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: not the way growing works. You know, pain is the path,
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: and you grow through suffering and you learn through suffering.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: You can't and so you can come hear us. You
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: you can learn some things, but you will not avoid
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: the trouble by listening to Brian and Jamie.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: You have to do it. You will got to travel
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: the road.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: And the beautiful thing that I think we're getting to
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: experience now is you know the things that we you
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: know that drew us together at ACU in college. You
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: know the things that you thought were you know, endearing
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: or cute or funny or things that.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I love that about him.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: You know, then as you're together for just a little bit,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: those things, those same things become annoying and irritating and
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, you do that all the time,
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: and you know, just start to just kind of drive
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: you crazy about that person. And so you kind of
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: have to wrestle that to the ground, like, oh, yeah,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: that is who they are. And I was, you know,
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: really attracted to it. But now it's not funny or
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: oh so cute anymore, or you know whatever. It is
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: like it's you just see each other kind of at
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: your worst, you know. And so then now you're kind
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: of we're on that part of the curve where we're
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: like falling in love again with those things that for
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: a while annoy you or irritate you, or you know,
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: you just kind of barely tolerate. And now it's almost
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: like we're unwrapping this gift again that is our spouse,
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: I feel like, for yes, yes, I love that. And
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: I feel like for so long we when we did
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: things together, there was you know, there was the stuff
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: that and now I think we're seeing it and it's
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: new light and we're appreciating it and valuing it. But
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: also so I feel like we're just way more in
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: the moment. We're more present. There was always this busyness
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: and this stress and things that we got to do
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: and get to and being able to focus because we
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: did this full time, being able to focus our time
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: and our energy on this ministry. And that's primarily what
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: I was doing. And I mean it was a piece
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: of for sure, what you've been doing for a long time.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: It's not like we just started this, you know. But
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: but but with with long Haul, it's been it's been
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: so cool to just be so present and so focused
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: on that, and I know it's just gonna it's just
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: going to be growing. So I think, uh, let's do
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: this with the remaining mile later time, I know. So
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: a little shout out to long Haul marriage and what
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: we do just not this overhaul package that is the intensive,
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: but also we have the in the shop, we have
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: the tune up, we have the hit in the road packages,
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: and we uh, we did it. You heard about our
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: Love and Lattes and our Lucky in Love workshops. We
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: are going to be doing another workshop in July. And
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: we're going to be talking more about that later. We're
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: looking at possibly doing another one at the Texas Motor
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Speedway in April. Just putting that out there, and it
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: would just be like probably a three hour, one evening
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: kind of workshop, just in a mini workshop. But man,
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: we were learning we can pack a lot in and
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: a lot of people want that. They don't want the overnight.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: They want to message childcare or maybe they do childcares
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: just for you know, three hours rather than overnight and
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: travel and all that. But someone asked, and so I
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: wanted to share about the podcast. So remember our Long
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: Haul Marriage road cast and it's on Spotify and Apple
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: Podcasts and iHeartRadio and YouTube, every major platform. But they
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: were asking me if we're in all fifty states yet,
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: and so I just wanted to say we are not.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: We're in twenty seven states.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: Twenty seven yep.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: But and then our top countries are the United States obviously, Norway, Italy, Australia, Canada,
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: United Kingdom and Cayman Islands. So that's where we are.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: But we need you to share this podcast with everybody,
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: you know. Yeah, and we're looking forward to We're gonna
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: have some interviews coming up. So interview with a couple
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Blake and Adrena Maybury. They're on our board and they
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: have a couple of kids, high schoolers and so it's
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: gonna be interesting and then post college. Yeah, and we're
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: going to talk to them about a lot of the
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: parenting stuff. That'll be good and that's gonna be Yes,
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: that's gonna be incredible. But we're also going to interview
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: our adult kids going to and we're gonna all be
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: together for that one. So it's gonna be the original
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: Hackney five. So yeah, and some channel Christian Carson are
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: gonna be on the podcast and that's gonna be the
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: kind of ask us anything or ask them anything, and
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: so yeah, that interview will be real fun because they're
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: going to tell the good, bad and the ugly about
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: being our kids and being raised with Brian and Chack.
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: Oh here we go.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: And I would like to say just because I just
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: got finished texting a friend of mine who also happens
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: to be one of our just really sweet, generous donors,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: and so I just want to say thank you because
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: it's on my heart just to say thank you, thank you,
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: thank you for those of you who donate, whether it
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: was one time, or whether you're one of our monthly donors,
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: it helps us so much to keep doing what we're
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: doing and we love this so much. And so she
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: was texting and just said, I just want you to know.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: I was just talking to my husband and we were
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: kind of working on our budget and we just wanted
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: to let you know we're so happy and so proud
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: to support you guys in Long Haul Marriage because you're
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: just so solid and that just I mean, I know
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: it sounds like I'm just tooting our horn, but that
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: just felt really good to hear that, because we do
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: want to be really good stewards of what people give us.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: So shout out to our donors, and if you would
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: love to become a donor, you can go to long
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Haulmarriage dot org and there's a donate button for you.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: Awesome. Yeah, And so just one other thing about the podcast,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: because people asked about some of the things we've talked about,
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: you know, some of our training and some of our
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: intenses and stuff that we've been up to recently. But
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: we're going to be getting into some more marriage heavy
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: topics and you know, Jane I keep saying, man, we
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: need to talk about some controversial stuff. You know, we
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: know what's out there and what blows up goes viral,
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: and we're not going to be getting into a lot
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: of that stuff, but we did. I just recently googled,
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: and you can. You can do it and ask you know,
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: Chad Gibt or Jimini or is Sam or whatever or
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: or you know, just google kind of the top five
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: most frequently asked questions about marriage. And it's depending on
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: how you do your prompt and you know what comes up.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: But I've done this a couple of times and the
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: top five things that have come up are, how do
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: I rebuild trust after infidelity? How do I make a
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: lifelong sorry, how do I make a long distance marriage work?
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: What are the reasons people get divorced? I love? This
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: one was what should I do if my partner doesn't
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: call me back? Okay, you're in trouble? And then how
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: do I know if I'm ready to marry? So those
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: last two are about being ghosted or dating and the
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: scene and how do I know if I'm ready to marry.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: We're going to do a podcast on every single one
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: of those top five. It's going to be fun. That's
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: coming soon. So that flew way too fast. But thank
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: you for your prayers. We feel great. Everything on the inside.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Stay on the inside. Right now, we're all better. And
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: by the way, we talked about March maths, that's where
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: we began last night. My final four that I picked.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: They all made the final four, Auburn, Florida, Duke in Houston.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: And somebody's going to say, oh, well, you just picked
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: all the number one seeds. That's not the way I
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: did it. But it happened to be that way. And
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: if you think that's so easy, then.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: Why didn't everybody do it?
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Well? Why in the world has it been only one
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: previous time in tournament history where that has happened, and
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: it was back in two thousand and eight. Pretty proud.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: I'm getting some proper for that. And we'll see. I
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: do I think I have well, I know I have
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: Duke in Auburn going, and then I have Auburn winning.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: So we'll see.
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: So does that mean you win a million dollars?
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: That means a month ago Carson and Jack asked me
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: to put five dollars in the pool. So that five dollars,
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: I think I'm going to turn that into seven fifty
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: just seven dollars and fifty.
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: Can go get some coffee.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: Let's Starbucks, all right.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: I love doing this with you, mister Hawy YouTube YouTube.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: Baby love you.
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: I love you too,