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How to Stay Grounded Around Family During Thanksgiving: You Don’t Owe Anyone the Old Version of You · The Arise with Anita Podcast

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean how my hands have more called hands I hope to body full time to next level.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: So here makes a couple of episodes for me and interviews with school triple leaders, the best in their fields, who live what they teach and rise by example.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Each conversation is a callus for your next break through.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're not breaking, you're breaking through.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go ahead and rise together.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back, beautiful souls, to another episode of the Rise of the Need a podcast.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: A place where not only do we heal and body and rise together, it's a space of soulmate strategy.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: And today, on my first solo episode back, which I'm so excited to be doing these again.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: I will have another episode explaining where my MIA growth journey has been.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: But until then, I want to drop in today into something real, something a little tender, something that many of us start to feel, especially around this time of year, but rarely say out loud.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: Because the holidays, especially weeks like Thanksgiving, which this is our Thanksgiving week episode, can bring up a lot.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because while there is gratitude and connection and warmth and love, there's also a feeling of pressure, expectations, some emotional triggers might come up, and the version of you that your family still thinks you are tends to be brought up.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Or the expectations of what they think you should be.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: So if the holidays tend to feel a little heavy, complicated, or even energetically loud, this episode's for you.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: So take a breath, and just go ahead, take a moment right now, inhale, exhale, and let's dive in.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: So here's the truth most people never talk about.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: Going home or having people come to your home often pulls you back into an older, energetic version of yourself.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And typically it's one that you have grew.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because your family system was the first place you learned how to belong, how to feel safe, hopefully, how to be accepted, or what it took to be accepted, how to get love.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: And even if you've been in a journey and have done years of healing and identity work, your body still remembers those old patterns.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: The holidays don't activate your mind.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: They tend to activate your nervous system.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: So you may notice your chest tightens, your shoulders rise, you feel like you need to monitor the emotional temperature in the room.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: You begin overthinking what you're saying, how to approach as people in your family are perhaps questioning you about where you are in life or what your plans are.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: Or you might just be feeling a little smaller.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: But none of that actually means you're going backwards.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: It means your body is scanning for safety in an old environment.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: And when we come to think about the feelings of what homecoming means sometimes, it really can bring up an old version of our nervous systems.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not because anything is wrong with you, but it's because it's learned to protect you there.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: I was recently at a conference on a couple of weeks ago.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: And Ed Maillet, who's one of my all-time favorite speakers, was speaking.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: And he started sharing the story of what it was like to grow up in his household with an alcoholic father.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't know the story, he does get clean.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's incredible.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: And Ed Mailet is just amazing.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: So if you haven't checked him out, you should.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: But, anyways, during that talk, he actually mentioned he started to feel anxiety and he was starting to feel the impact of what that story felt like and the reliving of those moments as he was retelling it.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that's because his nervous system was replaying.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, with that being said, you just have to remember when you are in old environments or environments with people you may not always see.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: It just means your body is starting to scan for safety in an old environment.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: And it's doing that because it's learning to, it's learned to protect you.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: So let's name some of these triggers out loud.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because naming them does take away the shame.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: Some of these triggers around family are usually around feeling judged, being misunderstood.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe not having understanding if you've made certain life choices or your life choices are a little different than what's the norm in your family?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Being cast into roles you've been outgrowing.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: There may be old disagreements, but you might find yourself in a political discussion or just a different viewpoint.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: So family asking questions that feel invasive.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: If it makes you feel better, I am 30, childless, and marriedless.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of times for me, going home could look like a reminder of milestones I have not hit.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: There might be comparison.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Whether that's your siblings, your careers within parenting structures, books.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if anyone else has had this, but growing up in an army and household where you were a little bit more overweight, I'll put it as.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: And luckily I've lost a lot and I'm still on a journey, but it doesn't mean that you don't occasionally hear those things.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: There may be feelings of being responsible for everyone's emotions or just emotions of those around you.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Especially if you're an empath.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: You might have someone who dominates the entire space.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: They like the attention on themselves.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: So it doesn't really feel like a chance to connect.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: And you might be asked to shrink or dim your success.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because it makes others feel uncomfortable.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the gold.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Cures aren't proof that they're fail you're failing.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: They're proof that you're healing.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll say that one again.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Triggers aren't proof that you're failing.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: They're proof that you're in a healing process.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: I always say about triggers are teachers.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Whether that's your family member mirroring something in you, or friends, or a circumstance that's coming up in your life.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: So all it is is a trigger is simply an integrative energy that is coming up to the surface to be witnessed.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's not here to be suppressed.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Not judged, just witnessed.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: So if you have triggers while they're coming up, I want you to take a moment to actually feel okay and being triggered.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: And notice what it's bringing up in you.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: What feelings are rising to the surface.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast episode is not just addressing the fact that holidays can be triggering.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: I want to give you some practical steps of in-moment practices you can use anytime during the holidays.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: The first being a microrounding reset.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: So when you feel deeply activated or triggered, just silently do this.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to practice while we are listening to the podcast, go ahead.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: Inhale deeply into your belly.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: Then take a smaller inhale into your chest.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Exhale softly.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Not forced.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: And just let the energy go.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And if you have a chance, put your hand on your heart.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe step away if you need to.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And just focus on things like your feet on the ground.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_01: Feel into your body and actually bring yourself back home into yourself.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about the old version of you that your family remembers.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, your breath can literally be considered a powered cord.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: Your anchor, your inner I'm safe.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: But let's also talk about how to relate differently this year.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: One of my favorite reminders is how I relate to the issue is the issue.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I've been studying Kabbalah, and there's this practice of restriction, which, if you don't know, is essentially not being reactive in the moment.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: And typically, this is where it's gonna sound wild.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: They wait about three days before they react to any situation that may be triggering or causing some sort of reaction within.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this is harder to do when you're in person with your family.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_01: Or sometimes even, I'll be honest, it can be guiltily even virtually very hard to do.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: But I've really been slowing down to remember how I relate to any issue is the issue.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the family member or the conversation or the comments, but it's how you relate to it and how you are choosing to give the meaning behind it.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: You get to choose to pause instead of react.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: To stay in your body instead of get into your mind and you make up arguments.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: How many of us have started to do that where we start coming up with a response of what we would really like to say?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: It ends up allowing yourself to pause and give yourself a moment to respond from your highest self instead of the self that protects you.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And as a reminder, let others have their opinions without abandoning your truth.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: Your family doesn't need to understand your healing for it to be valid.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Your own approval isn't.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's something to be said about looking at our journeys as a way to heal within, without it being something radically important for others.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: We don't need other people's approvals.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to remember you have to keep holding the identity of who you're becoming.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: Let's speak into something powerful.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: You don't owe anyone the old version of you.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I know, for me, as life has gotten trying at times, I've found myself stepping into old versions of myself.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so let this be a reminder.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: You don't owe you don't owe anyone the old version of you.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Not even the people who remember you as her or him.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: Not even the people who've helped shape that person.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: You can still love your family and evolve beyond expectations.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: You can sit at the same tables and embody a completely different identity.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: But before you walk into any gathering this week or coming up in the few weeks as we're closing out the year, go ahead and ask yourself, who am I choosing to be?
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: Not how will they act or react?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: What are they going to say?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: What are they thinking?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: But come back to yourself.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: What am I holding?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: What is this identity that I'm currently stepping into?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: Your identity leads your energy.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: Your energy leads your experience, and your experience shapes your reality.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: This is how you rise into the holidays without losing yourself and losing your momentum.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: So before we wrap up, take a moment to slow down.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: And hopefully you're not operating any heavy machinery as we take this chance.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: Place one heart hand on your heart and the other one on your lower belly.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: And take a deep breath in.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: And just repeat after me, softly, you can either do this aloud or in your mind, I am safe in who I am now.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: I choose myself with compassion.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: I hold my truth with love, and I allow the season to meet me where I'm at, not where I used to be.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: So to go ahead and take a deep breath.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: And let this be a reminder, you're allowed to take space, you're allowed to be different, you're allowed to stay rooted in a new identity and a new version of yourself.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Even if no one else recognizes it yet.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to slip into old patterns.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: Choose to stay consistent with the woman you're becoming.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Not the one you were expected to be.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for being here with me today.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: If this episode has helped you and supported you anyway, please share it with someone who might need the reminder that they're not along this holiday season.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: And always, as always, remember to heal deeply, embody fully, and rise unapologetically.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll see you in the next episode.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for rising with me today.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode moved you, share it, tag me at Arise with Anita, and make sure to subscribe so you never miss a future activation.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if you feel cold, leave a quick review.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: It helps more women find the space and rise into their power.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Your next level is already waiting.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Now go claim it.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you in the next episode.