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When You Lose Direction: Harnessing Liminal Spaces · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to Be More Lobster.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: And today I want to talk to you about when you don't know what's next.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: When actually maybe you don't even care about what's next.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't mean from the perspective of where your brain offers you a ton of different options and you don't know which one to pick, or when fear takes over and not knowing becomes a safety response.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about the seasons when you genuinely don't see or feel a direction.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: When something has finished in your life, a cycle has come to an end, even if you don't know what it is, but you feel it in your body, in your body.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: When something in your life has shifted, something has changed, or maybe you just feel different.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly that thing that you were working towards, it doesn't feel as exciting anymore, or maybe it just doesn't feel important anymore, or maybe you've just completely lost all vision and you can't find one.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And for the women that I work with, this can feel really uncomfortable because they're action takers.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Women who like momentum, who value growth, women who get things done, who always have a plan.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: They're always thinking about taking the next step.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: They've got a project, a goal, a vision.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Something that they're fundamentally always working towards.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: They've always got a reason for forward movement.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to offer you my perspective on this and create a reframe so that it actually becomes one of the most powerful places you can be in.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready, let's dive right in.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Let's face it, we spend a lot of our life looking ahead.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: We have to plan a lot of stuff so that we get everything done, right?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: So everything from shopping for school uniform in the summer holidays, which by the way, I was really bad at, I always left it to the last minute, to planning what we're gonna eat for dinner every night for our family, to our workouts, to you know, when we're gonna visit our parents, and then we've got to put a business strategy inside of that as well.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: So it's very natural that our brain is future oriented.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: What's next?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to know?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to prepare for?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: So when you find yourself in a season where your thoughts are more around, I don't actually know that I care about moving forward in that way, I don't actually know that I want to have a vision, I don't know that I care about a goal, that can feel really scary, very strange, and oftentimes very, very wrong because this is completely unfamiliar territory.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not only from the perspective that our brains love certainty, but as a businesswoman, we like clear direction.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: We love progress, don't we?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: We love to see results.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So when we don't have that, the absence of it can start creating this kind of internal pressure.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: We can feel that we've lost our ambition, we don't know who we are anymore.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so we try and force ourselves into dive into a direction, into a decision, just so that we can feel we've got something to hang on to.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if we don't, then we can start saying things like, I'm wasting time, I'm getting left behind, I must keep moving.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And in my experience, there are seasons in life when that's simply not true.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: This exact thing happened to me after I lost my dad.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: So the quick story was he'd been treated for cancer for several years and he passed away November 21.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: The six months prior to that were horrific.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I had no idea, because you've I've never lost a parent before, like what this journey was going to be like.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it was horrible.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I felt completely lost.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was heartbroken, and I there was this thought like I should be over this by now.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: I should be over this by now.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I just didn't give a shit about anything.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: And in fact, I actually stopped working, I stopped coaching, I stopped marketing, like I didn't do anything, and I actually took myself off and got a job at the lake that I swam at.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was getting paid£9.50 an hour, but it had got to the point where I didn't want to get out of bed.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I need a purpose, I can't coach in this space, so I'm gonna go get a job.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I lasted three months because I hate working for other people, but it you know it got me out of the house.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: But that was how bad it was.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I just I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want, and I couldn't see, like I couldn't see past the place that I was in.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: I felt completely lost, I felt directionless, and I guess looking back now, the big thing was, who was I?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: What was my identity?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I didn't have a business, it wasn't just about losing my dad because you know, like I've I've now not got a father, but it was all almost as well.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like this big thing was without my business, who am I?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Without my business, what's my purpose?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: It was when I let go of the resistance and accepted what was that's when I harnessed the power and potential of the liminal space.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Liminal spaces, goodness, I haven't talked about these for a long time.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's one of my favorite things.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: I found a couple of definitions for you.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: So liminal spaces are the uncertain transitions between where you've been and where you're going physically, emotionally, or metaphorically.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's the space between what was and what's next.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: A doorway where you can close one behind you and open another into the unknowable future.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's less about being lost and more about being untethered, about being free, actually.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And really, it's about being ultimate potentiality.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And what I've realized since training as a somatic coach is that I know that in these liminal spaces, the wisdom of your body, she knows, and the resistance comes from your brain trying to make sense of what's happening.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: This is the space where clarity comes through curiosity, it's where you're guided by what you want and need in that moment.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's not something that works to a deadline or a strategy just because you want to get out of this level of discomfort.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And this matters a lot when you run a business.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because business can quietly become the place that we go looking for certainty.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I just said, like it's my identity, it's what I do.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I without it?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: We tell ourselves that you know, if we know what the next offer is, if we know what our launch plan is, if our marketing plan, if I know what my messaging is, then I feel better.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have clarity here, I feel safe here in this certainty, in this clarity.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the most powerful thing is just letting yourself be in that season where you don't force the answer, where you allow yourself time to just notice, to be witness, where you allow yourself the freedom from resistance, where you trust yourself not to rush, where more is not more.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are going to be times in your life when the season isn't about pushing.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: There are seasons for sure that are about building, that are about clarity, that are about momentum.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Some are more built in receiving, some seasons are for simplification, some are for letting things land, for letting things settle, for integration.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And some are simply about being in your own life experience long enough for the next thing to reveal itself.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now I understand that the difficulty here is how do you know?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: How do you know if you're on a season, or how do you know if you're in you're running a strategy that's based in fear?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to raise your self-awareness.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you see it as a pattern that happens every month, every couple of months, I'm gonna suggest that this is a fear strategy.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But if, like me, this happened on the end of losing my father, or you've there's a there's a relationship transition, or you've moved country, you, or you changed job, or you've hit perimenopause.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Perimenopause is a huge thing for the women that I work with.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because did you know that neurologically you change more through perimenopause than you do through puberty?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: You literally are a different woman.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And we're expected to feel the same way about everything.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: We want to function our life the same way, and it just doesn't happen.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So when you can have faith and excitement about being in that liminal space and about creating clarity through curiosity and discovering actually who you are, what likes you up, what direction you want to take in, and what where you need to maybe like make shifts, or maybe there's a complete pivot, who knows?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: But you've got to get clear on whether this is a strategy or whether this is a season for you.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if this has landed for you this week, maybe ask yourself where are you creating pressure because your brain is demanding certainty?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Where and how could you actually be okay without having that big answer yet?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: What would it feel like to trust that you're not behind?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe the reminder for you today is this that you are allowed to build your business and you're allowed to care deeply about what you do and want to succeed at the highest level.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: And you're also allowed to have seasons where you don't have the perfect five-step plan.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: You are allowed to live and learn while you build.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes the clearest next step arrives in the moment that you stop demanding one.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening, and I'll speak to you again in the next episode of the Be More Lobster Podcast.