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120: Taming Your Inner Critic: When “Not Good Enough” Runs Your Life · The Everyday Awesome Project

• 0:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Hello, beautiful humans.
• 0:30
  Samantha Pruitt: Sam Pruitt in the House Solo today.
• 0:34
  Samantha Pruitt: And we're going to talk about something that has been coming up for me lately, and I thought I would share.
• 0:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Um, inner critic, inner criticism.
• 0:46
  Samantha Pruitt: Can you relate?
• 0:48
  Samantha Pruitt: And specifically, I'm going to first read from a book I am thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying and would strongly advise every human being read.
• 0:59
  Samantha Pruitt: It's called The Five Invitations.
• 1:03
  Samantha Pruitt: The Five Invitations by Frank Ostasecki.
• 1:08
  Samantha Pruitt: He is currently one of the Dharma teachers I am privileged enough to be taking a course with.
• 1:15
  Samantha Pruitt: It's called A Year to Live.
• 1:17
  Samantha Pruitt: We've spoken about it a little bit on the podcast before.
• 1:21
  Samantha Pruitt: But Frank is freaking amazing.
• 1:24
  Samantha Pruitt: He wrote this book called The Five Invitations, and I'm going to read a section from it.
• 1:30
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay?
• 1:30
  Samantha Pruitt: So let's take this journey together today.
• 1:35
  Samantha Pruitt: Taming the inner critic.
• 1:38
  Samantha Pruitt: No matter how you try, you can't please the inner critic.
• 1:44
  Samantha Pruitt: There is no fooling it.
• 1:46
  Samantha Pruitt: The critic knows your every move, your every trick up your sleeve, every single bit about your past.
• 1:54
  Samantha Pruitt: It has been right there with you throughout your entire life.
• 1:59
  Samantha Pruitt: You shower with it, you take it to work, it sits next to you at every meal, and even sticks around for dessert.
• 2:08
  Samantha Pruitt: It's there during and after sex.
• 2:10
  Samantha Pruitt: And yes, yes, it's definitely there when you're dying.
• 2:17
  Samantha Pruitt: It compares, it praises, devalues, diminishes, invalidates, blames, approves, condemns, and attacks your appearance, your job performance, the way you conduct your relationships, your friends, your health, your diet, your hopes and dreams, your thoughts, and your spiritual development.
• 2:39
  Samantha Pruitt: Pick something, anything, it's all interchangeable.
• 2:43
  Samantha Pruitt: Let's face it, in the critic's eyes, nothing you do is good enough.
• 2:50
  Samantha Pruitt: The critic is the enforcer, demanding compliance to an acquired set of standards and moral codes.
• 2:58
  Samantha Pruitt: It's the voice that says, it's my way or the highway.
• 3:01
  Samantha Pruitt: It wields brutally its chosen weapons of fear, of shame, of guilt, in order to get you to do what it wants.
• 3:12
  Samantha Pruitt: Often, in our most vulnerable moments, when we would benefit from tenderness, we club ourselves with self-judgment.
• 3:22
  Samantha Pruitt: Even near the end of life, it's common for people to look back with regret, to become obsessed with the if only conversations, or to tell themselves that they aren't doing a good job of even dying.
• 3:38
  Samantha Pruitt: Friends and relatives add to the pile of guilt by projecting their own inner critic's voice into the person who is dying, suggesting that he or she should fight harder and should let go more gracefully.
• 3:52
  Samantha Pruitt: The inner critic is ambivalent about change, shifts in identity, creativity, and inner work, and it's downright terrified of anything bubbling up from the unconscious.
• 4:04
  Samantha Pruitt: The judge prefers to stay in status quo.
• 4:07
  Samantha Pruitt: The familiar, the predictable, it insists on homeostasis.
• 4:11
  Samantha Pruitt: Don't rock the boat, it advises, it's not safe.
• 4:15
  Samantha Pruitt: That's why focusing on self-improvement or making any attempt to fix what the critic views as the problem never works.
• 4:24
  Samantha Pruitt: In seeking the approval of others, conforming to an external standard, and trying to please, we are all simply looking for love in the wrong places.
• 4:35
  Samantha Pruitt: Praise and blame are symptoms of an infectious disease.
• 4:40
  Samantha Pruitt: And as with any illness, we need to do more than treat the symptoms.
• 4:45
  Samantha Pruitt: We have to address the underlying causes.
• 4:48
  Samantha Pruitt: We need to go to the very heart of the matter.
• 4:51
  Samantha Pruitt: We need to see how the habit of constantly self-judging ourselves diminishes our own life force, steals our inner peace, and crushes our souls.
• 5:04
  Samantha Pruitt: The pursuit of perfection is learned early on, and for most of us, becomes a lifelong addiction.
• 5:12
  Samantha Pruitt: It's an ego-based quest that easily can eclipse the soul's journey to wholeness.
• 5:20
  Samantha Pruitt: This is why, in order to bring our whole self to the experience called living, we must address the often unconscious, corrosive voice of the inner critic.
• 5:34
  Samantha Pruitt: It is the primary obstacle to self-acceptance, self-trust, and the expansion of our own unique dynamic potential.
• 5:44
  Samantha Pruitt: It stops all growth, arrests inner development, steals our power, and makes negative self-talk the norm.
• 5:56
  Samantha Pruitt: Furthermore, the judgment impedes our ability to connect and empathize with other people.
• 6:03
  Samantha Pruitt: Chances are, if you're extremely critical of yourself, you'll also be a harsh critic of others.
• 6:11
  Samantha Pruitt: You may even think that you don't know you're doing it.
• 6:16
  Samantha Pruitt: When we bring our whole self forward, we include our brokenness.
• 6:21
  Samantha Pruitt: We make room for blemishes, as well as purity, strength as well as vulnerability, success as well for our screw-ups.
• 6:33
  Samantha Pruitt: Judgment focuses on what's wrong.
• 6:36
  Samantha Pruitt: It feeds an either or mentality.
• 6:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Embracing wholeness is a loving act of reclamation, the both, the and way of meeting life.
• 6:49
  Samantha Pruitt: To free ourselves from the inner critic, we have to understand something of its origins, how we are impacted by it, how we can successfully disengage from this negative influence.
• 7:01
  Samantha Pruitt: In short, our treatment plan includes the application of wisdom, of strength, and of love.
• 7:12
  Samantha Pruitt: The five invitations, Frank Ostasecki.
• 7:17
  Samantha Pruitt: I can't even recommend this book enough.
• 7:21
  Samantha Pruitt: So let me talk to you a little bit about what I'm thinking here: wisdom, strength, and love.
• 7:30
  Samantha Pruitt: We think wisdom comes from our elders, our teachers, our family members, other people telling you, programming you, conditioning you what is good, what is bad, what is right and what is wrong, what is beautiful, what is ugly, what is valuable, what is useless.
• 7:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Of course, when we're very little, we might need some of this skillful guidance, but sometimes we actually end up inheriting the negative and judgmental emotions and triggers and untrue ideas from others instead.
• 8:07
  Samantha Pruitt: Wisdom comes from within, from both our own learned experiences and a gaining of healthy true knowledge.
• 8:17
  Samantha Pruitt: Wisdom doesn't come from other people.
• 8:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Wisdom isn't other people imparting their ideas and their beliefs upon us.
• 8:26
  Samantha Pruitt: Wisdom is already in our own true nature.
• 8:31
  Samantha Pruitt: Wisdom is cultivated inside of us and developed by curiosity, compassion, self-investment.
• 8:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Not being criticized by others or by culture or by ourselves.
• 8:49
  Samantha Pruitt: You need to become wise once again and reconnect with your own true nature.
• 8:57
  Samantha Pruitt: Find or become your own coach instead.
• 9:00
  Samantha Pruitt: Rewrite this old script, this old story.
• 9:03
  Samantha Pruitt: Get rid of the things that are not true, never were true, and are not yours to keep.
• 9:11
  Samantha Pruitt: Number two is strength.
• 9:13
  Samantha Pruitt: You must stand up strong for yourself, like you would a friend.
• 9:19
  Samantha Pruitt: Befriend yourself.
• 9:22
  Samantha Pruitt: Repeated reps to build this muscle, muscle.
• 9:26
  Samantha Pruitt: Muscle, one of my favorite words.
• 9:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Repeated reps to build this muscle, this strength, this powerful connection to your own discernment, what you know to be true and right for you.
• 9:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Again, not the programming of others and society.
• 9:46
  Samantha Pruitt: Courage requires strength to push back on the BS thoughts and ideas coming from your own inner critic.
• 9:57
  Samantha Pruitt: Name this inner critic.
• 10:01
  Samantha Pruitt: I call mine my evil twin.
• 10:03
  Samantha Pruitt: You've heard me talk about her before on the podcast.
• 10:06
  Samantha Pruitt: For some of you, it might sound like a real person.
• 10:10
  Samantha Pruitt: For others, it might even sound like your own voice.
• 10:15
  Samantha Pruitt: But it's not you.
• 10:18
  Samantha Pruitt: It's just a negative thought conditioning old story that is untrue.
• 10:25
  Samantha Pruitt: Over time, you'll get better at recognizing when the inner critic shows up, and you'll be able to recognize them before they even enter the room sometimes, before they can take over the conversation and the dialogue in your head.
• 10:44
  Samantha Pruitt: Work on that.
• 10:46
  Samantha Pruitt: Work on that muscle.
• 10:49
  Samantha Pruitt: Stand up strong for yourself.
• 10:51
  Samantha Pruitt: And the last one is love.
• 10:53
  Samantha Pruitt: Don't get trapped in this subtle, aggressive cycle of self-improvement, where criticism, judgment, comparison are the tools that you use to make yourself quote unquote better.
• 11:08
  Samantha Pruitt: Becoming the person you aspire to be with the life of your dreams requires self-knowledge and self-compassion, not a whipping stick, not criticism, not judgment.
• 11:23
  Samantha Pruitt: Self-judgment, self-rejection, these lead to self-abuse and self-neglect.
• 11:30
  Samantha Pruitt: Instead, invest your energy and time getting to really know yourself.
• 11:37
  Samantha Pruitt: Ask yourself, what do I believe?
• 11:42
  Samantha Pruitt: What do I value?
• 11:44
  Samantha Pruitt: What do I stand for?
• 11:46
  Samantha Pruitt: What do I want?
• 11:48
  Samantha Pruitt: What are my unique skills, talents, curiosities that I can use to build my best life?
• 11:56
  Samantha Pruitt: Once you open your own heart to self-love, the love of others on the same path will flow your way.
• 12:02
  Samantha Pruitt: You'll have plenty of support.
• 12:05
  Samantha Pruitt: And your own heart will turn away from the inner critic and that BS story they've been telling you.
• 12:13
  Samantha Pruitt: You can release yourself from the suffering of letting the inner critic run your life.
• 12:20
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm going to close with a short story, personal story, confessional.
• 12:32
  Samantha Pruitt: These last few months have been tricky.
• 12:34
  Samantha Pruitt: Last year was very difficult.
• 12:36
  Samantha Pruitt: So these last few months, post-ilness, post-back surgery, family crisis, and family death.
• 12:43
  Samantha Pruitt: I've slowly been chipping away these last few months at getting, well, at repeating the oh-so-familiar process of getting back in shape and regaining my fitness.
• 12:57
  Samantha Pruitt: I have a lot of experience in this arena.
• 13:01
  Samantha Pruitt: Many, many, many days my own inner critic, you know, the evil twin I talked about earlier, kept showing up in my workouts uninvited.
• 13:11
  Samantha Pruitt: She would say, What the hell is going on with your body?
• 13:17
  Samantha Pruitt: Why are you so weak?
• 13:20
  Samantha Pruitt: When did you get so slow?
• 13:23
  Samantha Pruitt: You're never gonna get back to the shape you were before.
• 13:26
  Samantha Pruitt: You're too old now.
• 13:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Ouch.
• 13:28
  Samantha Pruitt: Each time I would pause, take a deep breath, I would recognize her.
• 13:33
  Samantha Pruitt: She's familiar.
• 13:35
  Samantha Pruitt: She's been around most of my life.
• 13:38
  Samantha Pruitt: I see you.
• 13:40
  Samantha Pruitt: I say to my evil twin.
• 13:42
  Samantha Pruitt: I would talk to her.
• 13:44
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, lady, you're full of shit.
• 13:47
  Samantha Pruitt: And then I would turn into my own wisdom, what I know to be true about my life.
• 13:56
  Samantha Pruitt: What do I stand for?
• 13:57
  Samantha Pruitt: What are my values?
• 13:59
  Samantha Pruitt: What are my own experiences and accomplishments?
• 14:02
  Samantha Pruitt: What I know to be true.
• 14:04
  Samantha Pruitt: I would stand up in my own strength.
• 14:09
  Samantha Pruitt: Flexing these muscles I've developed over a lifetime of going to battle with this evil twin.
• 14:17
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm stronger than her.
• 14:18
  Samantha Pruitt: I always have been.
• 14:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Let me flex my guns.
• 14:25
  Samantha Pruitt: And then, of course, I would embrace myself with love and compassion.
• 14:34
  Samantha Pruitt: You're on the journey.
• 14:36
  Samantha Pruitt: You're doing the work, you're showing up.
• 14:39
  Samantha Pruitt: That's what counts.
• 14:41
  Samantha Pruitt: I believe in you.
• 14:43
  Samantha Pruitt: You can do this.
• 14:45
  Samantha Pruitt: You are doing this.
• 14:47
  Samantha Pruitt: I love you.
• 14:48
  Samantha Pruitt: And now, my friends.
• 14:50
  Samantha Pruitt: My beautiful, beautiful friends.
• 14:53
  Samantha Pruitt: It's your turn.
• 14:56
  Samantha Pruitt: To dance with your own inner critic.
• 15:00
  Samantha Pruitt: Put him, her, they in their place.
• 15:06
  Samantha Pruitt: Stop letting them run the show.
• 15:10
  Samantha Pruitt: They don't know you.
• 15:11
  Samantha Pruitt: They don't have your best interests at heart.
• 15:15
  Samantha Pruitt: It's time for them to leave.
• 15:19
  Samantha Pruitt: I love you, I love you, I love you all.
• 15:21
  Samantha Pruitt: I wish you a beautiful day.
• 15:22
  Samantha Pruitt: And remember what is always true here at the Everyday Awesome Project.
• 15:27
  Samantha Pruitt: How your life feels is more important than how it looks.
• 15:30
  Samantha Pruitt: And only you know how your life should feel.
• 15:35
  Samantha Pruitt: See you next time.