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175. The Scorecard · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for.
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  Impact Hello team, welcome to the Impact Ready podcast.
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  So glad you're here. In this episode we are going to
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  talk about one of the things to potentially remedy in your life
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  in order for you to have more powerful impact.
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  For all of us to have more powerful impact 'cause this is a
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  very common thing. You know, I like talking about
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  all the ways to have a quality life and to have quality
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  influence in our life, but I also like to address the things
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  that get in the way of that. And I always think that if you
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  don't know what gets in the way, you often don't have a full
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  picture of how effective you are.
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  You have blind spots. And today I want to talk about
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  something that massively obstructs our ability to have
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  powerful impact. It gets in the way of us being
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  able to create a life that feels joyful and peaceful and fun.
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  It gets in the way of us creating opportunity or wealth.
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  It keeps us from being as productive as we could be, as
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  effective as we could be. It breeds resentment and anger
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  and frustration in US. And all of those feelings are
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  major energy leaks. Energy sucks.
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  Places where we just drain energy without even knowing it
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  because we're giving it to something that is constantly
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  running in the back of our mind. And what I'm talking about, it's
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  something we are pretty familiar with, maybe not overtly, but I
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  guarantee you've experienced it at some point, is the scorecard.
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  We are going to talk about the scorecard today in this episode.
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  The scorecard is this little invisible mental score sheet in
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  our minds where we keep track of all the things that we are doing
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  right or wrong and that we keep track of all the other things
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  that people are doing right or wrong in our lives.
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  This could be a scorecard between US and our spouse or us
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  and our colleagues or our boss or even our own children.
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  The scorecard, they exist in our marriages, in our work
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  relationships. We could have them in business
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  partnerships. And like I said, we can even
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  have them in parenting. And if you're not familiar with
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  what I'm talking about, think of a time in a relationship where
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  you might have felt resentful or frustrated because you did
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  something for somebody and they didn't return the favor.
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  They didn't reciprocate, and it really bothered you.
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  And you've been thinking about it for months or even years.
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  Think about a time when maybe you empty the dishwasher every
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  day in a specific week and you noticed that your spouse wasn't
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  emptying the dishwasher at all. In fact, they weren't even
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  cleaning the kitchen. You knew exactly how many times
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  you've emptied the dishwasher and you have been watching to
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  see if they even attempted to put away some of that
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  silverware. That's the mental scorecard.
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  Think about a time where you have been putting a tremendous
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  amount of work in on a project and your other team members have
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  been skating by and they haven't been investing as much time or
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  energy into this project as you have.
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  And you know exactly how many hours you put in and you know
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  exactly how many hours they've put in.
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  And it is pissing you off. That is the scorecard.
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  It's basically where we keep track of all the wrongs and all
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  the rights between you and another person.
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  It's tracking. It's tracking who's the more
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  noble or giving one. It's keeping score of who does
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  the most labor in a relationship, be it physical
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  labor or even emotional labor. If you have teenagers or you've
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  been ever been around teenagers or you have a sibling, you know
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  this occurrence in your own life because it's really common.
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  It's all about what's fair. Everything has to be equal.
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  Siblings have a permanent scorecard running in their minds
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  of all the rights and all the wrongs that have occurred
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  between them and their siblings. It is constant.
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  It's also very problematic, especially as adults, when we
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  have this mental scorecard running in our minds all of the
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  time. There's two big things that
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  stand out to me when I think about the scorecard in
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  relationships, by the way. It's a really common human
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  experience, and I often wonder if this is a thing that even
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  ancient humans experienced because it's such a part of our
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  psyche. But let's talk about the two big
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  problems that happened with the scorecard.
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  The first thing is, when you're keeping a mental scorecard,
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  there are no winners. There's no winners because when
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  you're keeping score, it means that you're looking for
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  opportunities to paint the other person as the opponent, which
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  inevitably means you're not a team.
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  Teammates don't play against each other.
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  They work towards a common goal. They work together.
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  And so by nature, a scorecard insinuates that you are
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  opponents. And The thing is, in the game of
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  relationships, there are no winners.
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  With scorecards, say you're keeping track of who does the
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  most in the home or in the work environment or in the
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  relationship, and say you are the one who's got the quote UN
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  quote higher score. Does that mean you've won?
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  No, because all you've won is resentment towards the other
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  person, and if you aren't resenting them, they're for sure
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  resenting you. Because nobody feels good when
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  they're told that they're not doing enough or the other person
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  is doing more. Nobody wins or feels good when
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  the other person is the bad guy. When you are opponents, when
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  you're supposed to be a team. Nobody wins when the expense of
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  winning is that the other person feels on the outside of the
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  winning circle. In this constant battle to be
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  right, you're damaging a relationship with somebody who
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  you're supposed to have quality connection with, and that is a
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  massive price to pay just to have the upper hand.
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  The second thing that stands out to me about the scorecard is
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  that it's perpetual problem energy.
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  And just a little brush up on problem energy.
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  It's a place where you are feeling low frequency emotions,
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  feelings like resentment or anger or frustration comparison,
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  jealousy, bitterness, any of those emotions will measure very
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  low on the emotional scale in terms of hurts.
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  And if you remember, one of the key things about problem energy
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  is that you cannot get to solution from that place.
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  That's the crazy thing about problem energy versus solution
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  energy. They're not the same frequency,
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  and therefore you cannot be in both places at the same time.
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  When you're thinking about all the things that somebody has
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  done wrong or not done enough or that you've done better, there's
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  no way for you to be in a place of curiosity or appreciation or
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  gratitude where you feel like you're a team.
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  There's no way that you can get to solution or any place where
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  there might be resolution. And this is an important topic
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  because in so many of our lives, we have relationships where we
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  have an ongoing invisible scorecard.
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  It takes up a lot of our mental energy.
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  It is a major energy leak. So much of our mental bandwidth
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  goes to wanting to be right or proving the other person wrong,
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  and it breaks apart our connection to those people.
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  It leaves us in a place where we have less energy available to
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  us. We have less quality connection.
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  We have less people on our team. We have an emotional garden full
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  of weeds like bitterness and resentment and anger and
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  frustration. And it moves us away from our
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  goals. It moves us away from being able
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  to reach our desires and create the life that we want.
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  And so my challenge this week is to think about the relationships
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  in your life, the ones that are most important to you, and ask
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  yourself, do I have an invisible scorecard in this relationship?
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  If you do ditch the scorecard, just let it drop because
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  remember, there is no solution. There is no resolution when
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  you're in a place of problem energy.
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  There are no winners when that person is your opponent and not
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  your teammate. And all of that energy is going
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  to slow you down in terms of your progress, in terms of your
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  effectiveness and your productivity, and also just the
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  amount of joy and appreciation that you have in your life.
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  Those are the things that we really desire.
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  We want a peaceful, joyful life where we're excited about what's
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  going on. We want those good feelings, and
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  we have to start removing the blockades to getting there.
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  So find out where you're keeping score, throw that scorecard out
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  and make your opponents your teammates this week.
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  I hope this helps. I hope this inspires some new
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  thought for you. Thank you for being here and for
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  listening to this show. And as always, thank you for
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  being ready to impact. Thanks for.
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  Listening to Impact Ready I hope today's episode inspired you to.
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  Own your impact and recognize that you are powerful by
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  elevating our. Energy and awareness we can
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  create exponential change in. This life.
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  If you enjoyed today's insights, share them with.
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  A friend. And.
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  Subscribe to the show for more. I truly appreciate you.
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  Thanks again for being here.