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Rejection: The Universal Struggle | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 37 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody to another episode of the Bonfire that is crackling ghost stories out in the woods somewhere where there's flames or around the Kinky Campfire.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: This is your host, the Cuddle Gigolo, the Senior, el Senior Taco Knuckle, colonel McBee, fresno Bob or HH Julius, here with another episode of the Pillowfort Sessions around the Kiki Campfire Going on another opinionated talk morphing into multiple things, keeping it short for y'all.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: A little bit shorter episode when I'm by myself for these Pillowfort Sessions.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm doing here, just giving my opinion and advice on certain topics so that you guys can hopefully learn something.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: At least one person will learn something at some point during this whole entire time.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: So if I'm by myself on the Pillowfort Sessions, shorter episodes.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: If I got a guest with me, a little bit longer episodes, just so y'all know the show flow and all that.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: But if you've been here before, you know what comes up next is the ASMR 30 seconds, 10 seconds, 5 seconds, however long now, because it keeps getting a little bit shorter, but we'll go right into it.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Today I'm drinking a Blue Raspberry, sparkling Ice, caffeine Not sponsored Zero sugar, with vitamins and antioxidants, flavored sparkling water.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Once again, I will whore myself out for a sponsorship, but for now this is not sponsored.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: But sparkling ice is one of returning returning guests, returning repeat names that you'll hear on this podcast very often, because I like me some of these caffeinated sparkling drinks.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: But here we go with the asmr five seconds In a three, two, who has chili, chili and caffeinated Blue raspberry, one of my favorites.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: There's like five, six different flavors, but blue raspberry pretty much all things will be one of my favorite flavors.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: So good, so delicious.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: But anyways, we'll get away from the not-sponsored drinks, hopefully one day, one day to be sponsored.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: We got our fingers crossed here still, but we'll see how it goes.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Today's topic let's get real serious.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Right now I'm gonna get into today's topic.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Today's topic is broadly termed rejection, rejection, rejection, sensitivity, all things to do with rejection and why other people's opinions or like judgments affect you so much.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Now I'm going to briefly talk about this because I only got so much time and also it's going to be kind of vague because I can bury down into this whole topic for multiple, multiple times.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: But I want to be very, all encompassing to all the people and so it's not going to be gender based or anything like that.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: Everybody experiences rejection at some point.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, even the hot people experience direction.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: There's not a point in somebody's life where you're not going to get direct rejected for something.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Now, you know, on this podcast we like to focus on relationships, but there's all different kinds of relationships, so still a very broad topic.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: But I'm not going to talk about like an interview rejection or like a job rejection, that kind of thing.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Whatever your job may be, whether it's in the corporate world or if you're doing something creative maybe you're an actor or something like that getting rejected on a casting call or some theater person, I don't know, whatever you want to call it Not those kinds of rejections.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: We're talking about relationship rejections.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Say, you're a person that goes out to the bars and the clubs and you're that type of person.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: You go up and talk to people.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you talk to a few people, because in most cases you're going to get rejected most of the time.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: But you only need that one.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: If that's what your goal is, you only need the one.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Only need the one.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Whatever you know you could be fucking, could just be having a conversation, want to take somebody to coffee, whatever your different uh orientation is doesn't matter.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: The point is people don't get rejected.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Now, why does it affect people so much to get rejected literally?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I talked about this before.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: There's some physiological things that go on with rejection and people can't handle it.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: There's some groups that can handle a little bit better.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Not really going to go into the specifics there, but usually it's like are some groups that can handle it a little bit better?
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not really going to go into the specifics there, but usually it's like they say the gays can handle it a little bit more because they try more and you get rejected more.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: It's more common there.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: It's not that big of a deal.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: But I beg to differ.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: We can all be that way because you're going to get rejected.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Who is this person rejecting you?
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: They literally have like five seconds.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Anytime I go out with friends and I'm seeing other people, it's like some people talk to.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Some people can talk to other people more easily.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Maybe they're just better at figuring out who likes them or whatever.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: But it's like the actual social rejection of it all is so common.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Most people ain't paying attention, or if people are paying attention, somebody might even be one of your friends, make a little joke about it and it's like okay, so it's not really that big a deal.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: You will survive.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I've seen people survive after getting rejected.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: That kind of thing happens, but it's like you have literally like a few seconds, less than a minute, to make a judgment If somebody, whoever it is, you're going up to talk to somebody or you're getting talked to One of the two.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: To make a judgment real quick Figure out if you want to keep talking to this person and most of the time you can kind of tell if they're interested in you and you know they're going to ask for your number at some point, or Instagram or Telegram or whatever the fuck speaking app or texting app that people use nowadays.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: However, you want to be safe.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Now why does it matter if this person just pretty much says no, that's what a rejection is like nope, don't want to, nope, nope.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: You ask for the number, or you're just in the middle of conversation.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: You just they can either just walk away or just gonna be like nope, they're just out of this conversation and there's.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: You know subtle ways of telling when somebody's not interested in your conversation anymore.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Um, that's a whole nother episode, reading, reading nonverbals.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: When people want to not talk to you anymore, don't be creepy and keep talking to them.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: That's horrible.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: We'll get into that whole entire thing in general, but right now we're dealing with the feelings of rejection.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Yes, it hurts to get rejected.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Physically it can feel very painful to get rejected, but why do we care?
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: We can go all the way back to the lizard brain back in back in the day, when people get rejected and they actually get kicked out of the village, back when we had like what?
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: 50, a hundred people in the village.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: You get rejected, you're a loner.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: You might as well be able to just call yourself dead because you got to go out there by yourself, either find another civilization to be, a group to be part of or, I don't know, go with the animals, become a pack of something I don't know wolves that's usually what packs are.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: But in that sense, back in the day we would actually go, maybe die if you get rejected.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Now we live in the modern times.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: It's been hundreds of thousands of years since then and yet we still hold on to this because there's things like social media and cameras and pictures and phones and all that garbage security cameras.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Sure, whatever it is literally could just be somebody watching you and laughing from across the room because you got rejected.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: But it's like you will survive.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: We're not back in the olden days, a hunter and gatherers, and you get kicked out of the village.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: You know, know.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: You just go ahead and try again, literally.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: Who remembers what they did last weekend?
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I know, I don't.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I don't remember.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: My neurodivergent-esque forgets what I did yesterday.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I don't even remember what I had for lunch today.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Normal routines just get put in there and forgotten as far as I'm concerned.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: So if you're having issues with rejection, just know that it happens to everybody and you will survive.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: That is something that will happen.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: You will survive there.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Incel person I was going to say boy, but incel person because there's female incels as well.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you just have too many options.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Everybody's pelting you with questions and wantings and their own desires and entitlement and everything.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: You got to shoot them people down, and that becomes tiring as well, because nobody sees you as a person.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: We want to subjectify, not objectify, here.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I believe I've said that before.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: But when you're going out in public, even if you're the one being talked to, so I'm talking to both people people that have to go up and initiate the conversation and people that just have conversations initiated with them.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're just an attractive person.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Take it as a compliment.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Now, if you have to say no to somebody, that's a whole other struggle right there too, but it sucks as well.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I know I have troubles with it.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: I at some times do get talked to, depending on how my face is.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: For the night I have this resting not even a resting bitch face, this resting like don't fuck with me face and that kind of just scares all the people away.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: So I look like a Terminator robot with the red eyes and everything and it's like don't fuck with me, I'll shoot you with my big Terminator gun or whatever, and people don't come up and talk to me.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: But if I'm in a jovial mood I can get more conversation initiated with me.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: So I have experience with both sides of this.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Obviously, more so on the initiating part Doesn't always go well either.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: But rejection happens and it's like you really only have a few seconds.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: If you barrel down into it and do some self-awareness training a little bit and realize when you go and initiate conversation, now not even be to get somebody's number, it could just be out there in your social event trying to make friends People are still going to judge you.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: That's going to happen.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: All right, people, it's going to happen, but you know what you will survive, so you might as well keep going, because those people also only have a few seconds to decide if they want to keep talking to you or not.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: So nobody's basing it off of you exactly.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: They're basing it mostly off themselves.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: It's like will I make a good judgment?
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: The whole process of judging somebody is very stressful.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: It's like did I make a good decision?
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: You only got a few seconds to come up with this decision.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Also, there's stuff going on from the day.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: You don't know.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Most people just came from work and then went out and then had to get changed, and there's traffic and all this stuff.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: I literally got sideswiped a month ago in my own car on the highway.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: The person just kept on driving.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: It's like what the hell is this?
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: And then I had to go out and do some karaoke and it was a whole thing.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Didn't get their license plate, just FYI.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: So that sucks.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: So I didn't even get it like claiming on my insurance or anything.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: So shit's just like slightly fucked up on my car.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Luckily nothing got damaged, but there's paint scraped off my car.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Anyways, the point is you got all this shit going on and then you got to go out and be able to just talk to random people and it's like, oh, oh God, everybody's judging everybody so quickly and it's.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: You know, sometimes you get lucky and you find somebody that clearly obviously is into you.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: That does happen.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Let me not be too pessimistic.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: There's some optimism there.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Y'all are welcome, but most of the time you are going to get rejected and it's not about you.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you a secret right now it's probably not about you Unless you just come up dirty hair, greasy fingernails, dirty eye boogers or whatever.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: It's not coming hair coming out your nose and ears.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: It's like, most of the time it's not about you.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: If you look somewhat professional and put together, then it's probably not about you.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: You don't know what that person's going through.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: So just know that if you get rejected, it's probably not about you.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: 95 percent of the time it's probably not about you, okay?
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: So, speaking of a whole lot of stuff going on, a lot of people don't have this thing called critical ignoring.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: This is the ability to filter out information and what not to pay attention to.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: So a lot of us you know the hypervigilant people like myself recovering I shall say recovering hypervigilant person we react and pay attention to everything.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: Everything is a threat you don't even know.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: This is why I have that resting get away from me, don't fuck with me face because it's like I am reacting to everything.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: So it's like, oh man, people walking in looking all crazy, but they could just be drunk or something and that could be a threat.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Everything is a threat.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: So I'm trying to focus down and not focus down my focus into more of like a tunnel vision, and not focus on everything because it shows on my face.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: So another thing is like damn it, everything shows on my face.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: You might be one of those people too.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: All your thoughts are on your face.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: That could be another reason why people reject you because you're making a crazy looking face when you come up to talk to them or they come up and talk to you.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: It's like that might be something.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: You have no idea what it is.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: So it's like go ahead and just try.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: You could possibly be single forever because you didn't initiate any conversation.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: The reason I'm going to back all the way up, the reason why I even started talking about this topic, is because it's a lot of the uh black pill and the uh insult community always want like people want to know how do you talk to.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Most of the time they say how do you talk to women?
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Of course, it's just how it is.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: Um, not stating an opinion there's more factual than not but it's like have you even tried talking to them?
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Have you treated them like a person and not an object or a fantasy?
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: How about you just go up and ask for their name or how they're doing?
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: You can start off that way and then get more serious, more specific questions after that.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: But you're treating this person like a pedestal, like a figure to be glorified and worshipped, and you haven't even gotten their name.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: So it's like what are we doing here?
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: How about you let them have a conversation with you and then reject you?
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's what it was, or maybe your ass just don't look right in your baggy, shorts or pants or something like that.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: Shoes is dirty, looking like you ran, uh, 20 marathons or something.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: It's like what are we doing here?
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: You already assume you're getting rejected.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: You haven't even tried.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: Try talking to 100 people first.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: I guarantee you most of y'all will learn something from that, because you will get rejected and guess what?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: You will survive if nothing else, and then hopefully you'll learn like, oh man, I need to change this about myself, this about myself.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Maybe I should have brushed my teeth before I came out here today.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Ah, put some deodorant on, put some smell good on.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's what it is, or you just lack confidence.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: But I tell you what if you go out and talk to 100 people, confidence will naturally build because you'll be desensitized to the rejection and be able to talk to more people, just learning something just from doing it.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: That's what I am a proponent of here at the Pillowfort Sessions around the King Campfire.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Julius likes to go out there and try some stuff, see if it works or not.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: There's no way you're going to learn information off of the internet and then be an expert at it right off the bat in real life.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: That's not how that works.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: You got to go out there and try the shit, fuck up a few times and figure out what works for you.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: That's how life works.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: There's no way.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: There's no way you can learn from the internet and just be automatically good at it right off the bat.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying it's very unlikely.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Good luck with that if you guys actually believe that, but most of us have to go out there and fuck up a few times and then try and figure out what works for us and use that more often.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: They have more successes that way, but you still might fuck up.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: That's how it is.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: So I wanted to say this because rejection does feel terrible, but we all have emotions, but they don't have to control you.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: That's the problem, right, there is a lot of people base their life off their emotions and their actions and then they react instead of actively acting out.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Acting on their actions beforehand.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: You can have a plan and go from there.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: You don't have to react to your emotions.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: You already know, especially if you're like an introvert or something you already know social situations suck.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: So we don't have to live in the suck.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: We can go out there, figure out why we enjoy this and then do what we enjoy in those particular social situations.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: There are multiple social situations.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: You can go out and experience those.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: There's multiple websites Facebook, meetup, whatever it is to go out there and get a social experience, but you yourself dictate how you want to act in those situations.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: There's no way you can logic yourself out of this.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: It's not like, hey, I'm going to go there and feel motivated and feel happy.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: That might not happen.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: You might still be sucky, but you need to go within yourself and figure out what your motivation is.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: Maybe you want to make friends.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: You just want to make friends.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Guess what?
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Most of the time, people ain't just going to come up and talk to you.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: You're going to have to talk to them and you might be weird at first.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: You will learn what's weird and what's not.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Hopefully, if you're paying attention this is the whole point of me having this podcast is because I want to promote self-awareness.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: If you ain't succeeding in these situations you've done it over a hundred times then something needs to change.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, my voice is getting higher because I'm very passionate about this part.
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: Can't just keep doing the same thing, expecting a different.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: That's the definition of insanity, people.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: So we need to work on making notes of what works and what doesn't.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, after doing it a hundred times or so, you're going to notice something.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Something's going to work and something's not going to work.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: We take all the stuff that doesn't work, throw it out the window, keep the stuff that does work and keep trying to find more stuff that works.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's just how it is, but you can't do it unless you try.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: It can't be sitting behind your computer or your phone or whatever and get better at talking to people.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: That's not how that works.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Video chats and stuff like that facetime, yada, yada, yaggy smaggy might help a little bit.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, it might help to hear a conversation, but there's a lot of non-verbals that go into there.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying that for my opinion, because I am very much an in-person person.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: The video chatting you can't quite see everybody's emotions because usually it's just the torso part and sometimes their hands come into play.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: But a lot of people have a lot of nonverbals that they use to communicate and I'm a fan of seeing all that.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just how it is, but it does help.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Video chatting I'm saying that right now.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: But get out there and talk to people in person.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: Get out of the computer and go talk to people.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: That's the only way you're gonna learn your social skills.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: You gotta go out there and practice them, use them.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's how it is all right.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: So I'm gonna take a pause right here and talk about a little thing called stoicism no, it's not just being non reactionary and not having a emotions.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Onicism no, it's not just being non-reactionary and not having a emotions on your face.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: It's about being able to be good on your own and not letting outside factors affect you, aka the ego the part of us that is affected by outside forces and being able to be non-reactionary.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: You can still have actions, you can still have feelings, but we're just non-reactionary Because we know ourselves that there are things that nobody else cares about but we care about for us.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: It's important to us, and the fact that we have a good foundation within ourselves.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Stuff outside of ourselves does not affect us as much.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: It's always just work in progress, so you're not going to be always 100% non-reactionary, but we can practice these things and then, when we go out into these social situations, we can put those habits and skills that we worked on to practice.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: So one thing I like to say one pillar of stoicism there's like dozens, but one of the ones I like is that nobody cares about your opinion.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: That really affected me when I read that one.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I was looking at all the different things, all the different pillars of the stoic, and that one especially nobody cares about your opinion.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, now, that is arguable that you'll have friends, or maybe you'll just find somebody that likes what you're saying or is into the same thing you are.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Maybe that might happen, maybe, but most people do not care about your opinion.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you can put your opinion out there.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe someone will grasp onto it, but in general, most people don't care.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: But you have to be good with yourself Self.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: You have to be good with yourself, be self-aware, be self-motivated, all those different kinds of things.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: If people don't care about your opinion, that's fine.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Move on to the next person.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Yet another form of rejection.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: But guess what?
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: You will live.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Just how it is People don't care about your opinion.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: Now another one, not so much in the Stoicism, but I just want to talk about that, because I'm going to be talking about Stoic stuff for a long time because it's being non-reactionary.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: A lot of people don't understand that about the stoicism.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: It's not about not showing emotions, it's being non-reactionary.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: We have actions that we can put into place depending on certain situations, because we took the time to do our self-work and figure out how we are most likely going to feel in that situation, and also the actions we can take regardless of our feelings it sucks, yes, that is a thing.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Situation and also the actions we can take regardless of our feelings.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: It sucks.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, that is a thing now.
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: You've probably heard this before.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: What I'm about to tell you many, multiple times, but have we actually thought about it?
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: It's the phrase comparison is the thief of joy.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: Now, why do we have so much trouble in social situations?
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Because we've been conditioned since childhood to make comparisons between us and other people.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Now, who are these people and why the fuck do we care about those people?
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: Why are we comparing ourselves to them?
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Yet another reason to do your self-work and realize that comparing is stupid.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Because you are you.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: You chose to wear what you chose to wear today.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: If nobody else dressed you unless you got one of those kinds of relationships but most of us had to pick up what we wanted to wear ourselves and we showed up the way we showed up.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: If you didn't get your hair cut or do some kind of makeup on something on your face and you fucked, that was your decision.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: So can't blame anybody else but you and stop comparing yourself to other people because they don't have to make the same decisions you have to make.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: Go back to when I told you I got swiped on the highway.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: It's like why am I comparing myself?
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Everybody's having a good time and I'm still stressed out because I got swiped on the highway.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: It's gonna take me a couple hours to go back to normal after that.
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I was very stressed, nervous and anxious, all in the same boat, and I can't look at somebody else's like drunk and having a good time, be like they didn't get swiped today.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: You don't know what happened to them today.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: So stop comparing yourself to those people.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: That's my point.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: And then also like things like height.
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: It's like you can't control your height.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: You are you.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: You're controlling your height and I know there's an argument for like plastic surgery out there, but I can't make that argument because I don't agree with it.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: So if that's you, that's you then.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: But it's like stuff you can't control.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: And if you're looking chubby or whatever, it's like you decide to eat what you decide to eat and not do any physical activity, that is your fault.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: You know things like social media they make it hard to not do the comparison thing.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: But I am a big advocate for not doom scrolling.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I hate doom scrolling, so stop just scrolling.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: When you got nothing to do, you just need that dopamine hit, so you're just going to go on your phone and start scrolling.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: No, let's not do this.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Shut that shit out.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: Stop using your phone and tablets and all that stuff.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: So much Social.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Let's not do this.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Shut that shit out.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Stop using your phone and tablets and all that stuff.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: So much Social media.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: It's just not.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Once again, not for our brains.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: We have our lizard brains.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: We're taking all these different opinions way more than we're accustomed to.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: It's been said by the smart people that we cannot handle all these different opinions, over 100 different opinions.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: A brain can't handle that.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Thousands and millions of people liking and not liking, whatever you're going, yeah, our brains can't handle that.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: So I myself only accept the opinions of people that are closest to me, not even all my friends, people that are closest to me.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: And then if you ain't in there, I don't give a fuck what you think.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: This is how it is.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: I got to respect you, be able to take your opinion.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: So if it's not that, then I really don't care what you think.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Now, I know it seems simple, but it is not easy.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: It's a little bit hard to do, but with your self-work you can do that as well.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: Why are we caring what other people online we'd never met before.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Why do we care about their opinion?
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: That all ties into the rejection part of it.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Random people you just met judging you and it's like why are we doing this?
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: No, we're not going to do this, we're not going to do this.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, so take that rejection, quote, unquote what happens and then throw it out the window.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: I know I'm trying to make this sound simple, but it is hard.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: It is hard, okay, I should say it's not easy.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: It's simple but it's not easy, very hard in fact.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: So yeah, what I was talking about before is the physiological side of rejection.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: It's called the affect of failure.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Most people think that the pain of failure is worse than it actually is.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: So when we're recalling past events, we're like, oh man, the failure was bad, but it didn't really do because you survived, didn't really affect you that much.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: But for some reason, when we're thinking into the future and getting anxious about something, it's like, oh, it's going to be so bad, but no, actually it isn't, because most people don't care.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you right now We've got to build up that psychological immune system, get that resilience from failure and realize that, oh, it's not that bad.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Now, another reason why I wanted to talk about this is because I myself okay, I myself have the same issue with failure.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Now it happens.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: So most of the time I play the dominant role in dynamics and I go to talk to subs and sometimes they just aren't interested.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh okay, whatever their communication style is, whatever's going on with them, you know it just might not happen.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: Now, being more representing as a dominant type, usually I'm the one who has to initiate the conversation and, whatever the reason is, people might be into you, might not be into you, or you just present a certain type of style that most people are just not into.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: That happens as well.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I even had it with some people that are like similar lifestyle than I am and it's like, okay, I guess we're just not, we're just not compatible in that way, but it's okay because you can just be friends and then you might still see that person because, uh, our communities are not that big, in our local areas I guess I would say most of us that is an assumption, so you might see that person again and you know what it just.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: You just be friendly.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: How about that?
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's, there's all kinds of things and it's oh good Lord, there's even the rejection sometimes in the poly world where the person has multiple partners but they just don't pick you.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: It's like, well, I guess that's fine.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: Don't know what it is there, but once again it could be they could just be seeing you as a friend or something.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: Now, friend zone could be a bad thing or it could be a good thing.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: If you're constantly friend zone, I would suggest again to do your own self-work.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Something might be going on there.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: So I just wanted to talk about this once again because I personally have experience with this and being rejected.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: And you know what.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: I survived.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: I'm still here In the kink world, in the poly world.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it happens a lot in the non-monogamy world when people are trying to I don't know unicorn hunt, whatever it is, and everybody survives.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: So if you're getting rejected a lot and you can't figure out why you can't find a partner or something or get into a dynamic of some sorts, I would suggest doing some self-work, figure out what's going on with you.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: If it's been happening for hundreds and hundreds of times, years and years and years, I would say there's a least common denominator there and it could be you Now.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're just getting butt hurt because you're getting rejected so much.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: So stop getting angry and work on yourself.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I would suggest at that point maybe some therapy, relationship coaching, something.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: You might need some outside help and your partner might not be it because they're a little too close to that situation.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: So I would suggest some professional help.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: But I am an advocate of therapy and coaching.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: So take it as you will.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: That's my suggestion there.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: If it's happening a lot, then something must be going on.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: Least common denominator Okay.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: So that's pretty much it for now.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that was helpful to anybody or not, but I know I just want to share my experiences with your rejection and people having it happen or saying it so much online.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: It's like it's going to be a thing.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: You're going to get rejected.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: That's once you understand that you're going to get rejected.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: And, like I said, people, it's probably not about you, it's more likely I'm on.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Then they could just be insecure or something.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: And then here's this person.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: They could even find you mildly attractive and they they come in and talk to you and they don't know how to handle it.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: So they just kind of push you away.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: That's a thing I'm sorry to tell you.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: So go out there, get rejected.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Fail gloriously, as Julius likes to say.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: Fail gloriously and then try again.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Figure it out.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: That's.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: The worst kind of failure is the ones that you don't learn from.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: That's yeah, you should be, you should be.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: I will say that too.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: You should be learning from your failures.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: That's if it keeps happening, then something's going on.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: You need to change something.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's it for now.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: I can keep talking about this, but this is Fresno Bomb, the Cuddle Gigolo, the Entertainment Creative.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: I can throw that one in there.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: I keep forgetting to throw that one in there.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Fresno, I already said Fresno.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Taco Knuckle, senior Taco Knuckle, aka HH.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: Julius, or just Julius, if you're feeling less informal.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: This is the Around.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: The Kinky Campfire, pillow Fort Sessions, new episodes most Thursdays and once again hopefully you enjoyed my little rant opinion advice column, whatever you have it here.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, and also CampfireKinksters at Yahoo, let me know if you have any questions and KinkyKampsters KinkyKamp at yahoocom campfire with a K, and also go on to the Instagram campfire kinksters campfire, once again with a K, and let me know if you have any questions or anything.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I also want to start doing some advice sessions with y'all.
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: Let me know which I'll think and ask your questions.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: There.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I am me on Instagram or email me.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: I would love Let me know what y'all think and ask your questions there.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I am me on Instagram or email me.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: I would love to start doing that, but that is something we're building on for now.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: We'll see how long this lasts.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's it.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: Hello.