Latest / The REALationship Method / Making the Hard Choices and Breaking Up when Nothing's Wrong with Kamaka Dias

Transcript

Making the Hard Choices and Breaking Up when Nothing's Wrong with Kamaka Dias · The REALationship Method

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of the Relationship Method Podcast.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: It's your boy, chris.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Today I got a very special guest I got he's a.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: He's a what man?
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: How do I?
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: He's a jack of all trades.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: He's the host of Keep it Aloha, pod.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: He's the host of Keep it Aloha, pod.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: I got this motherfucker Kamaka Diaz on this bitch.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Yay, what's up, big dog.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: How's it how you doing, hey?
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: man, I'm doing good, I'm doing good.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Bro, how was the traffic, or how was you know, getting here?
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Well, it's the weekend weekend, so there's no traffic, which I'm happy.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Yes, sir, I do hate traffic and I based my whole life and schedule around traffic.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: So in the during the weekdays I try to get everything done in the morning, hopefully be home by, like you know, three before three, so I don't gotta deal with any traffic at all.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Bro, saturday, we're good no traffic hey, man, I feel you on that because, uh, funny story like, I got offered a job in Diamond Head and you know, you and I was talking, so I'm coming from Kapolei and for people that don't know, that's on the west side and where's Diamond Head?
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: Like south, it's yeah, more south shore.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: More south so it's probably like 40 minutes away.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, man, skip that noise, man, because the hours of me working I'm going to be spending at least two to three hours in traffic.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: So I made the decision of not taking that job because, man, you can't take town back from being in traffic.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: And then I'm coming from Cali and I used to live in Las Vegas and that traffic is bad, so I'm just like man, skip that noise.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Man especially know the hawaii accidents be happening.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Boy, that's a standstill.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I hate that shit.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Have you ever been in an accident like that where you're just like damn, how the fuck am I in this three hour traffic right now?
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: uh, luckily not.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Oh really, yeah, yeah, I've been pretty lucky dog.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Um well, I'm from.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: I'm from the big island, from hilo, so yeah you know, half my life was on the big island.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: We don't really have traffic like that, you know is that real?
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: yeah, dang you lucky dog yeah it's more country over there.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: Oh bro, can you tell the people like what's the difference between like country?
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: And you know people that are coming into hawaii.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Uh, all they see is waikiki and all that shit, but on the outskirts of it it's kind of like, I guess, country folk too, what like what's the difference between?
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I explain like this country with a c and this country with a k.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: Oh shit, there's a country you know and certain places like even like you say, kapolei is west side, like some people would say, that's not even west side.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: Like you know, did people say until you're like in waianae, or like in wakaha, like area, yeah, like that's true west side?
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: oh, once you pass like a certain certain spot.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: Um, so you know there's all the the geographical locations here on the island.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know, argue about, but, um, uh, for wait, what was the question I got?
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: oh uh, the difference between, uh, damn, you got oh country country and like I guess, yeah, yeah, somewhat city life in.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I mean you see buildings anywhere, tall buildings.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: That's not the country I mean.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: Hawaii, for the most part, is, you know, pretty, um, I wouldn't say rural, but it's definitely not like the typical city.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: You go to New York or you know you go to Hollywood or whatever.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: Um, there's parts of it, there's like little pockets like Waikiki would be like the Times Square of Hawaii, you know oh, I could see that yeah and then.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: But then you go out and then there's, like you know, there's a lot more mountains and smaller houses, you don't see as many condos and high rises, but I would say, like from anywhere, from probably like chinatown, to like alamuana would be like the central, where there's like that city and like high rises, and then you got like aia, salt lake, mona, lua area.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: That's also kind of like central okay.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: and then, um, I've overheard people speak and they say what, why not Waimanawa, not Waimanawa?
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Waimanawa's country.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Waimanawa's country, yeah, that's God's country.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Oh God and no offense man.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: But the rich white people, where are they?
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Is that?
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: Kailua People say Kailua Ho'ikai Kahala.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Those are like the rich places you know.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: All right, so you've been on this island for like a cool minute now.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: You know all right, so you've been on this island for like a cool minute now.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: Like what makes it so like a bougie type, um, I I think it depends on the person because like, okay and and not, you know, we we put everything on there, an umbrella, you know, like hawaii kai, all the rich people, private school kids, whatever, but there's a lot of like old school families, like, for example, like my family, my grandma got a house in hawaii kai in the 70s, um, so she, she was one of the like the og families there and there's a lot of families that, um, because my dad's a kaiser grad, um, so he was, he went to school over there and there's a lot of families from when he was going to school to have kids around my age and it's just like normal houses.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: You know nothing fancy.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: You go up to like, uh, kalama valley and then you see all like the real big three-story mansions and stuff, but there's just normal houses here and there.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: So every area, although collectively it would be like a nicer bougie place, there's still, like you know, pretty rooted, just regular houses, regular people.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: So I would say it just depends on the families, because, you know, there's a lot of families who are just like very, very simple, you know oh, I feel that there's some families who are like super bougie and they like defining things in life, so some areas would have more of that, some areas will have less, but it still just comes down to you know um, is it true with like the sections of hawaii?
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: you know, know, there's like I don't want to say gangs, but it's more like I've overheard a person from the west side Was like, hey man, we don't fuck with people From like the east.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Or you know, like how Kalihi, they don't fuck with like Eva Beach, or what not.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: Is that shit true, or is that just like?
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: I think it's who you talk to.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: It's what bubble you're in.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: I would say you know locals, any locals will support locals.
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: Real locals will support real locals.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: You know Hawaiian people will support Hawaiian people, regardless if you're in the east, west, north, south.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: I would say you know, collectively we're Ohana and we always respect each other.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: And as long as you, if I'm say I was born in Honolulu, I'm a city boy, I go out to Y&I, you know, all the way on the west side and I just come with respect.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: How's it uncle, how's it auntie?
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely being respectful to everybody, then I'm cool, you know, and you come with attitude, you know you come with entitlement, then you're gonna have problems.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: So it doesn't really for me at least, it doesn't come down to your geographical location, but like who you are and like the respect that you show to people, even if you're not even from hawaii, you know.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because you don't gotta have hawaiian blood, you, you know you don't gotta grow up with aloha, but as long as you show aloha, you respect the people, you respect the land, then you'll be fine oh, you know what that's.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: That's super true, because when I got here I was just super quiet because I didn't know any better, until I started hanging out with the local uncles when I played basketball and I'm like, oh shit, these motherfuckers, they're just an older version of me.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: So I thought that was pretty cool when I first landed on the island and then during briefs in the military, they always tell us not to go through Kalihi.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: During briefs in the military, they always tell us not to go through Kalihi.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Is there a reason why we don't go through Kalihi or is it just a stereotype, an island stereotype?
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: So I just had a guest who was born in Kalihi and he was talking about KPT Camp 4 housing.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: So that would be kind of like the, I guess if we're comparing it to.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: California, like the ghettos or the projects Hell yeah, I'm going, yeah, yeah, but of course there's always, you know, exceptions to the rule and there are families that or people that come from there and you know make it out or like they're great people, and I think over there it's just what he was saying.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: You know a lot of young kids had kids.
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: So I think you know a lot of young kids had kids.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: So I think you know the the discipline and the respect aspect might, may have been lost in a generation which made it pretty bad, where people get into a lot of trouble and stuff like that, but that is viewed as like one of the rougher places.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: You know, like, yeah, kpt camphor housing would be like, if you're like confident, whatever, yeah oh, you know what I'm fitting to make a field trip out there.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Uh, pray for me, yeah, you're filipino.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: You're good, just ask.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: Just walk around with a basketball.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: You shoot some threes with other filipinos man, hopefully, if I don't, you know, I'll be shooting threes.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: They won't be shooting me.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: You feel?
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: me only here to shoot basketball guys.
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah right, come on man peace.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Hey, speaking about these bad kids, right, um, and uh, you know, kids, raising kids, or like these, I mean I still call them kids like 15, 16 year old, like popping out babies and shit, um, the dynamic of having an old school grandma opposed to, you know, a 30 year old grandma, and shit, um, yeah, these kids are bad.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: Well, okay, I can't speak for all of them, no disrespect.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: But, respectfully, a lot of these kids are bad because I go to, um, you know, my, my little ones go to an elementary school and I'd be hearing what the stuff is coming out of their mouths.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, my gosh, and my, my kids are, like, they're still innocent, like my eight-year-old.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: He still thinks he's a dinosaur, you know, and I let you know, I let him, you know, I'm saying I let him, I let that imagination never lose your dinosaur, exactly right.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, man, like, why do you think you know these kids are being raised the way?
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: You know they're coming up the way they are?
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: well, I mean, it all goes back to the childhood of, you know, your family, yeah, your parents, your grandparents, and all of that because it becomes a generational thing.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, if nobody changes that cycle or breaks the cycle, then it just continues on.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: You know, and that goes with like generational trauma, you know, for, like Hawaiians, for any other ethnicity and, you know, group, social group out there.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: So I think it's just comes down to the family and like having good influences around them.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: You know, yeah, it's the same thing even as you grow up as an adult.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: You know you hang out with five billionaires.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Um, you know, for a long enough time you become the sixth one.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: You know, yeah, you hang out with a bunch of bad kids.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: You know you're probably going to be a bad kid.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: That's true, that's all it is you can't fly like an eagle if you're hanging out with turkeys, exactly yeah you're just gonna end up on the table, uh right, oh man, you ain't lying dude.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: The only reason why I brought that up is because, um, my boy had an incident at school where he was getting bullied and then, once the teacher told me about it, I was like yo, who are these kids?
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna put hands on them.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: I wish I motherfucking would, though I wish I could show me their parents yeah, right, but I was.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: But I was like, oh man, I told my wife I was going to tell her, I was like yo, I'm going to roast the fuck out of these kids and their parents.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: And then they're like oh no, don't do that.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: Because you know I got a pretty smart mouth.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: You know they had like yo yo mama.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I had those I had those comebacks, your mama.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, you're all dude I was.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: I was so heated when I got the word I was fitting to like tell my boss like hey, man, I gotta handle some shit.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: And then, yeah, but luckily for me I didn't, you know, stoop that low, but I really wanted to, you know, and yeah, I mean shit bullying out here, because my 18-year-old, when he went to high school, he got bullied and I'm like dude, like why you feel me?
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's like his haircut or whatever.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: But now, because back in the day, I don't know, I guess bullying is, I guess it wasn't.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Because back in the day, I don't know, I guess bullying is, uh, I guess it wasn't.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Because back in the day they didn't have social media right, so it wasn't shown.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: So now everything's out in the light and I think it's.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I think it's messed up how people won't help.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: They just rather be posting it.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Why the fuck is that like?
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: why do you think you know the cloud chasing is so like up there for kids and shit well, I I think, when it comes down to role models and maybe their role models are the ones holding the the cell phones- or the ipads or on top of the, you know, just watching tv, whatever.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: So I think, where we live in a digital age where it's like so normalized to just, you know, be doing this instead of just enjoying the concert, enjoying something, or being present, and you see somebody, um, that's struggling and you're like you'd rather do this than do this, you know, and, yeah, offer help.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: So I think I don't think it's more than it's ever been.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: I think it's just more coverage than it's ever been.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: You know, because you know, growing up we, you know we had bullies, or you know friends that would be rough or aggressive or tease us.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: We tease each other and that's kind of normal, you know, that's just how it is.
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: Um, and then, of course, there's like extreme situations where it's actually bullying, actually like affecting some, some people, but, um, it's just different now that everybody's recording it and posting it, you know.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: So I I don't think that it's like anything extremely crazier than how it was when we were growing up.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: It's just people.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: We see it more now because of social media oh yeah, man, social media is a motherfucker man.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you that right now.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Um dude, I lost my train of fucking thought oh good, you went to any other.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: It's okay, it's on board.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: To another one.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: oh uh, living in the moment, right, I tell my wife this because she is constantly on her phone, right, and she would ask me like oh, why aren't you on your phone, why aren't you posting?
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: You know, these.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Like I'm on my phone when, like, say, at a kid's performance or something like I, you know, think that might happen, that might be dope.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: But like I, you know, think that might happen, that might be dope.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: But like you, like I love living in the moment.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: I love watching, like my phone's down, I love watching you know shit.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: Like it's cool, like to have pictures and stuff.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Because you know, we get old, we're going to lose some of those memories.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: So it's always good to look back.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: But living in the moment, I think it's very important, especially with how everything's rapidly growing, rapidly going so fast.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: But yeah, living in the moment, man.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and even you know, because this is a relationship podcast, it's something that's common Like, if you think back to like the beginning of a relationship or even friends, whatever it is, a business partner in the beginning you super present, you know, like yeah go to dinner, you don't even touch your phone.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: You know four hours pass, you didn't even look at your phone once.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: Now you wait somebody for a year.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: It's just like bro, I hate that stuff, I hate it it happened and it's real, it's just it.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: It comes down to your like comfort, a bit of um comfortability level yeah where it's, like you know, sometimes like I gotta be on my phone to like post stuff or like respond to somebody in front of my girlfriend, and I don't like being on my phone in front of people, but sometimes it happens yeah once you get a little bit comfortable you can be like hey, sorry, I gotta do this yeah in the beginning you're just like don't touch it at all yeah, right is that?
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: uh, it happens.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you pulling out that phone on a first date or whatever will cock block you from the booty, you know.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Because going out now I see people just taking pictures of what they're eating.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: I'm like come on, man.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: That's the same steak we had a month ago.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: That's the same Big Mac, you know.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: I don't mind a click and then just put it on the side you know how?
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: about the video?
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Like the video it's fine.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: It depends if it's business too early like you're oh yeah, true, a lot of times I I post food or the stuff I'm doing.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: It's like I'm supporting a local business or a friend's business, or I'm an ambassador for one of them, so I'm posting to support them.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: So that's kind of like my way.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: It's more business minded.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: Where you know.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: But even if you're, I guess, a foodie, you just want to take the picture.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: But I would say, just you know, take it and just enjoy it after you know.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, enjoy the company and shit.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, do everything it depends, it depends yeah no-transcript.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: I'm a good conversationalist.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: So I don't think I've ever experienced that I, you know, I haven't like dated a lot in my adulthood, like I, I probably didn't really date until I was, like you know, mid-20s.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I never really had that problem.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: Or even in business, I think I've I've learned over life just to, like you know, be a good conversationalist, and I don't know how familiar you are with the, with the stereotypes of all the ethnicities here.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: You know portuguese we talk a lot.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think you know I'm 30 portuguese, a lot.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I think you know I'm 30% Portuguese, so I have the gift of talking.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Ain't no problem with that.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: I feel like I never really had a problem with the conversation going dry.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm a podcast host too, so I'm supposed to have the conversation so you know, sometimes I got to talk more, sometimes I can talk less.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: I can be a better listener.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: I can talk less, I can be a better listener, I can be a better talker.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: It just depends on the situation you just got to adapt.
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when you said Portuguese right, I had one of my buddies tell me that, oh yeah, me and him.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: We're Portuguese, and so I was like for real Dog.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I thought you were Mexican.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: Never knew you were Portuguese that look and I was like what do you mean?
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: I'm Portuguese.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: I'm like no, didn't you just say you're Portuguese?
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: He's like no Portuguese.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: And I'm like the fuck is that?
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: And he broke it down what it was and I was like, oh, so you're telling me, for the past two months I thought you were Portuguese.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: You know, what I'm saying.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: I felt fucking stupid as hell.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Same same, but different.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's ah, man, that's funny.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: So you say, um, you could, um, you could talk.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: How do you know if a person is like dull, or like when they start, when they stop talking, what are the cues for you know, for you, uh, it's like, oh shit, I think I might have to shut up.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Or this person is he or she's kind of boring to be around I think just body language body language.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know having a high eq, you can really like feel the energy of somebody uh-huh you know, if like like, for example, you know, walking in over here just meeting you, you have really good energy.
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: You know, really welcoming not not a lot of people like that, but some people are a little bit more reclusive or they're just not as outgoing, so you kind of got to like draw it out of them yeah but then there's some people who are just you can tell they're not interested.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Um, and I think that's just from time and experience, you know, you just have to meet enough people to know like I've met so many people in life and saw, you know, been in so many different situations here abroad, wherever's that, I know like, okay, this person is like this kind of person and I know they're not going to be as talkative, they're a little bit more standoffish, they're a little bit more, you know, outgoing.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: So for me it's, it's always just like it's a, it's a video game.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: You know, you, you gain experience throughout life and you use that experience and you put it into everything that you're doing and you know you face this boss.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: You know we're on an adventure with this person.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: So now you can like use that to compare with everything, to know, like to get, like these, better judgments of people and like what to do in a certain situation.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, I like how you broke that shit down.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I was like freaking step one, step two, column A, column B, go back to step three.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: That's how it is, man, I like that stuff, dog.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: So we went on these tangents right Before we get going with these questions, dog, how did I get the yes from you to come on?
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: You know, this little one, this little podcast.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: Well, I, I mean, I, I I love supporting people and you know, I, I feel like it's, it's always an honor when somebody asks you to, you know, be on their show or, you know, take part in their creative endeavor.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: So, you know, I, I have been in a situation where I just started and I and you're doing this for a long time, but this is just an example.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: You know where you just start and you need people to support you.
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: You need some people to say yes and you know, sometimes you say no or you don't get a response back.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: So I know what it's like to be on the other end.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: So you know, as much as possible, I'd like to, you know, be the person that you know would say yes and support others in their journeys as well.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: So yeah, and well, so yeah.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: And this um also, I saw you in the creator group that I'm in.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: So, you know, I feel like that's a little like, you know, a side ohana kind of thing.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like I, you know, it's my kuleana responsibility to be part of that and, you know, try to help out when I can.
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: Uh, and yeah, I think this is a.
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: This is a cool podcast.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: You know I have a lot of podcasts I've been on.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: Was just like you just talk about your life yeah um, so yeah, I haven't been on one where I just talk about relationships, and although we're not just talking about relationships, we talk about anything yeah, we go on these motherfucking tangents.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah yeah, um.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I felt, I felt like it would.
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: It would be fun just to you know, share a different side of me and share you know um.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: Learn more about youtube because I see some of the clips, because it's collaborated with the the hoey creators yeah, so yeah, I just I thought I'd be interested and you seem like a cool guy dog man, I do appreciate you coming on, man, I really do, man, and thank you again.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I always get you these questions, boy.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Um.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: So first one is um, you, kamaka dude, how do you give like your other half space, like, what is your way of giving your woman space?
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: I send in a rocket ship and I tell Elon press launch.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah, don't come back.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: Man fuck that shit man.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Let's see.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Well, so she's a model, so she has to go on trips and stuff.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: She has to do jobs.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's not always on Ireland, it's in LA or somewhere else.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: So I got to support her in doing that.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: So I guess that's one way where we get our space, or sometimes she just wants to hang out with her friends and she has a GBF, you know gay best friend and the dynamics of that is always different.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: Gbfs are very needy and you know they always got this is true, they always got drama going on.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: So you know you always gotta, you know, talk on the phone for an hour, two hours, or, you know, go like I gotta go hang out with you know this person and help them with whatever's, or did they just vibe on the beat?
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: You know that's their, that's their thing.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: So you know, my, my alone time, my space is just watching sports, so I'm just like when I watch too much, you go do whatever you want yeah, I'm gonna be focused over here, you know yeah
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: and um, I think the the tricky part for us, like having space in our normal everyday life is fine, um, as long as it's communicated.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: You know, like I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, especially if it's work like you gotta do it, yeah, for for arguments and fighting, that's always a little different.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: It's like giving somebody space and knowing when to give it or knowing when to ask for it as well.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: So I think you know it's just something that you have to communicate and you have to accept.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: If, like, for example, like if something happens, I like to talk about it immediately.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: For her.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: She likes to ruminate on it and, you know, take some time to think about it and come back to it.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: But I don't like to sit and I just like to, like you know, do it quick.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: I'm a quick guy, just like yeah do something I don't.
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: I don't want to wait, just get it done.
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: So I think that's always the tricky part about like having there's layers, you know, because when you ask me that question I think about all the different times where somebody would need space, you know yeah, I think, as guys, we are quick because we're we're fixers, so I think we're quick to fix things right then.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: And there, as for women and some type of guy, some types of guys too they need to like, dwell and think you know, am I, am I in the wrong?
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: 99 of the time they're like fuck that shit, I'm in the right.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: You know% of the time they're like fuck that shit, I'm in the right.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: No, no, but that's the thing Never right.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: When you're right, you're wrong.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Right, exactly.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: So like the fact that you said that, so I'm going to assume that you're, like, a real good communicator when it comes to the relationship.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: yeah, yeah, I would like to believe that.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I think I've learned a lot in every relationship that I've been in to get to the point where I'm at right now, where I feel like I'm a really good partner, and that's the thing I think that helped me in life is I never really focused on dating or relationships.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: I've always just focused on myself.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: Being the best person I can be so that I could be the best person for somebody else.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: So every step of you know, a different relationship taught me like, okay, this one, I got to communicate more.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: Or this one, oh, I got to be more honest.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, this one I got to.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: You know X, y and Z, so every relationship was a great lesson to lead me to where I'm at now.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Can you be brutally honest in a relationship to lead me to where I'm at now?
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: can you be brutally honest in a relationship like for me, I, I have to, and I have to tone it down at least three levels for my, for for my wife, yeah, I can't be like yeah oh yeah, that's an ugly ass shirt but then I have to be like you know what.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: the shirt looks nice, but I don't think it goes with the with or those shoes.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: So yeah, man, I don't know.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: For me, I have to tone it down, can you, since you're a good communicator, are you brutally honest to your person?
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it doesn't work.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: I can see that shit happening.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: I'm learning.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: You can be the best communicator, you know whatever, but everybody's different.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: You know you gotta communicate.
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: Same with love languages.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Like, if I love receiving gifts and somebody loves giving gifts, you know it's different.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: Like, for example, I like I like giving gifts, that's one of my love language.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: I don't care to receive gifts, yeah, so I like to communicate in this way and not everybody likes to communicate in that way.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: So you got to communicate the way that they want to communicate, you know.
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: So one like one of the biggest things I've learned in life is everybody talks about the um, the golden rule treat others like how you want to be treated, right yeah but I learned the platinum rule is treat others how they want to be treated.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's different, because we want to.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: If I'm treating you like how I want to be like, but maybe you don't want to be treated like how I want to be treated because maybe you like physical touch and I love quality time.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: You know whatever it is, so it's different.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: So you have to learn how to communicate in the way that they communicate.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: For example, like I can take criticism, I can be, you know, you can.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: As guys, it's different too.
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: I talk about this even with my girlfriend and like other people.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: It's like I can be like bro, you're an idiot, yeah.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: Like why are you doing that?
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Or like you know, that's that, what you're wearing is whack.
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: You know you can't say that stuff, um, and not even just like appearances, like if I'm just being like yo what you, what you're wearing is whack.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: you know you can't say that stuff, and not even just like unphysical appearances If I'm just being like yo.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: what you did to me, like I didn't like that.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: I didn't like how you did that or you said that and you can't say that.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: You have to like be softer.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, true, and.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: I'm learning that because I'm very blunt, you know, I'm super nice, so and and um, I don't.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: I don't react emotionally, I'm very like even keel and calm, so but I can say something like like oh, like what you did uh annoyed me, whatever and yeah but you gotta say it in a certain way because, like it comes to the point where it's like she's explaining something, you're like.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: I just said that, like oh, but you didn't say it in this way.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's a tone in your voice, right, I'm pretty sure, I just said it exactly how you said it, and it just comes down to like trying to find that sweet spot of communication.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: Not that it works for you, but for your partner as well.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: So I think that's like the hardest part.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: But guys cannot speak to girls the way they speak to guys.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: Oh man bottom line.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: This is true.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Uh, I have a pretty foul mouth and then, especially being in the military, you have to be stern, blunt and straight to the point, opposed to, when I bring it home I have to, I guess, give it to them in like little spoons, like spoon feed them info.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: What's it called?
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: Uh, something sandwich where you're like positive, positive and negative.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta do that, oh my goodness, we're gonna learn a lot today we're gonna learn a lot um your love language right throughout the years.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Has that changed from where, uh, for example, gift giving right.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Has it changed to like you know what I'm getting tired of?
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: You know gifts, I want physical touch now.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Or I want you know, I want words of affirmation?
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Has it?
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Has it ever changed throughout your I guess your ever since you started like liking girls or started dating and everything yeah, well, I wouldn't say it changed in what I want, it changed to whom I'm with.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: So okay, for example, like in a regular, we're just talking about a relationship, not a non-romantic relationship yeah yeah, you know.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: But there's also, your course, like quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service those are my tops okay, like regardless of who I'm with, you know so, if it just changes in a relationship.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: So quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts and physical touch though that's the ranking of minds.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: Physical touch is like at a zero for me when it's not a romantic that's crazy.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean like I don't want you to touch me, like if you're another I don't want you to touch me, like it's just how I am.
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: But if you're my, I don't want you to touch me, it's just how I am.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: But if you're my partner, like I want you to touch me.
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: So physical touch goes up.
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: So it just depends on what kind of relationship and like who it is.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: So I wouldn't say it's changed.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: It just changes with the person I'm around.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Oh snap, I think I've been recently words of affirmation.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: For me it used to be physical touch, but then that went down and then it used to be was it quality time?
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: That shit went down and I think it's because I've been working so much and providing for the family.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: The real top is words of affirmation.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: A simple thank you would be, dude, that would take me over the hill.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I'd be like man.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: I feel appreciated, because after going through therapy and stuff and I'm still going through therapy, I suggest all guys do it.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: I was one of those guys that was like yo skip therapy, that's just for girls.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: I had this real man bias about it.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: But after going I learned a lot about myself.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: So I'm more appreciative with, like, the thank yous and when I'm hearing those from you know, from my kids, from my wife, from other people, it's like dude, it makes you feel like real good, opposed to like receiving gifts, because gifts is that's materialistic, that motherfucking, you know I'm saying like that earring will rust, you know I'm saying, or that video game, you'll beat those levels, man, you, you could get so much.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I mean, you could get so far with you know a certain level.
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: So yeah, the words of affirmation is is super key with me yeah, I think that's a good point too, and like, different times of your life, uh, or with your partner, it changes well, or sometimes you need more physical touch, sometimes you need more quality time, sometimes you need more, you know, words of affirmation because, like I, there's been times where I'm just like, yeah, I just, I need more gratitude at this point yeah, yeah physical touch because you know it's been a busy week or, um, you know, at times where I just like, I feel like I'm doing a lot, yeah, and you know, and it's it's in a relationship.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: You shouldn't just like.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: You know, I did all this, you did all this, but what?
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: There's always going to be times where you're doing more or you're doing less, or she's doing more, but during the times you're doing more, maybe that's a time where this person needs to realize that and be more gracious or show more gratitude, whereas, say, it's a busier time or you just had a long day, and maybe that's the time where you need physical touch.
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: I think it's just kind of reading your partner or even communicating, because, like a lot of us, we just don't communicate what we're thinking.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: This is true.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: We expect people to like to know like to be mind readers, right?
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: yeah like being passive and just sitting there like kind of my energy is weird, and she's like okay, are you wrong, are you just tired?
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, instead of me just doing that, I could just say like can I get a hug?
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Can?
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: You just sit on me just doing that I could just say can I get a hug?
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Can you just?
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: sit on me.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: That's a good one.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: We're so prideful that we don't want to do that stuff.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: Sometimes, even if I'm just watching sports and I want to watch sports, I don't really want to talk.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: Can you just sit by me, just be in your presence?
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: I think that you can be on your phone.
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: We don't got to talk.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: But I think you know, just communicating those things are like wants and needs.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: That's like the hardest thing, because you think about life.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: If we could just all communicate our wants and needs, even, um, in dating, you know, just like I want a relationship, I don't want a relationship, hey, I just want to have fun, I don't want to have fun, like.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: If we just communicated honestly, yeah, we would avoid so many misunderstandings or cold feet or whatever it is, and that's how I have been in the last few years.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: I'm brutally honest in that sense, where it's just like this is what I'm looking for.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: If that's not what you're looking for, then it just doesn't align.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, the male ego is a sophisticated one.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think pride gets the best of us.
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: I think you messaged me a couple couple years ago to come on the podcast, right.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, and you weren't right in the mental space, my previous relationship because you messaged me as I was about to break up because I didn't want kids.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: So, like, we had a great relationship.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: But I know how to be honest, like, hey, I don't think, you know, you're going to want to start a family soon.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: I don't think I want to start a family ever and if I do, I can't promise in five years I'm going to change my mind.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: So I had to, you know, make the hard decision to be like, instead of being comfortable, like we had a very comfortable relationship.
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: It was great If, instead of just dragging it on for my sake because, like you know, I enjoyed being in that relationship I had to, you know, put everything on the side and be like for her benefit.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: I got to let her go because, you know, she got to go find somebody else.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and a lot of people I don't think can do that, you know, sometimes they, or even they, stay unhappy in a relationship and they don't communicate it, which leads to, like, infidelity, which leads to, you know, people, you know, just kind of growing distant because they don't communicate what they really, really are feeling.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: They, they hide it because, I don't know, their shame, maybe their, their partner, doesn't make them feel comfortable to you know, share that stuff.
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: So yeah, all these things that I've just learned in being in previous relationships and even in my relationship, even though I think, like I'm a great relationship person and I know everything, I'm always constantly humbled and being like, wow, this relationship is different and I need to start at square one.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, dude, speak on.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: So I heard.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: Ok, speak on the fact that you knew, or it was time for you to like let her go, right, how hard was that?
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: And then, how long did it take you to like, how did the count the from, you know, from, hey, yo, I'm not happy, or I think you know you should do better, because I don't want what you want.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: How did that like, how did that dynamic happen?
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: Because I know some people that are in relationships right now.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: They're just in it because they're so comfortable, right, but they're afraid of like letting go, like getting that other person hurt.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: So how did you come up with, like, the courage to you know, break it all off well, I think that was the hard part in that one, because it imagine trying to break up with somebody when nothing's wrong, uh-huh, when, yeah, you love them and like what is your because?
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: we also have an out, you know you?
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: you know you're you cheated on me.
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: You know you did this.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Or you're not giving me enough time, or yeah so there's always like an excuse to why, or like, I'm leaving.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: You know, I don't want to do long distance, so in that particular one there was really no out because we were in a great relationship.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: So it's like how do you break up with somebody whom you love and nothing's wrong?
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's why I made it so hard, because I was like we were our lease was coming up on the place that we were living at and we needed to find a new place and as we're finding a new place.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: We're like talking about more future stuff.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: You know, like you know in the, in the beginning, you know you get together like oh yeah, I want to have kids.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: I want to be married by 30, whatever.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: And then it gets to the time where you actually have the conversation.
• 36:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you kind of just push it off to the side and you're like wait, like so, like we're getting, we're in our 30s.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like, do you want to have kids?
• 36:27
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, huh, I never got to the point where I actually like it was real, like oh wow, do I actually want to have kids.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: I've seen all my friends have kids, my siblings have kids.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Like this looks terrible, you know, yeah, stuff like that and having kids is a blessing and it's great, but you know, for everybody it's not for them.
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: So I really had to think about that and be like, okay, like if I stay in this relationship it's going to be great.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: You know, we're going to have a good time, life's going to be good.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: But I'm leading her on and I've been in previous relationships where I led somebody on and I dragged them on where I could have just let them go and had them, you know, continue.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: So I don't want to be that guy and even though that's the easy thing to do, I had to make the hard decision to be like, hey, like we'll talk about this, I don't think I actually want kids and you know it's a hard conversation.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: Like okay, well, I think we have to break up, like I don't really see like how it's gonna align, like even if we stay together for another two to three years, like I can't promise that I'm just gonna want kids.
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: You know, even though, uh, I changed my mind and sometimes it's like, you know I'm, I met my new girlfriend and like I'm still like pretty, pretty strong and like I'm okay if I don't have kids, I came to the conclusion I'm okay if I don't have kids, but if my girlfriend wants, then maybe, you know, I'll consider it and like well, it could happen.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: Um, but then you realize like okay, so maybe there's like layers to to other stuff that you don't realize until you're out of the relationship, like, okay, maybe I didn't strongly want kids, I maybe just didn't want with her, which is which is rough to hear, which is something you can't tell them, yeah, which I don't, I can't be honest with that one.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah and not saying that's completely true, yeah, but maybe that's, you know, you reflect on more things.
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: You know after, and because it's like, ok, I'm more open to having it with the girl now, but I wasn't with that person.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: And it comes down to age gaps and all that.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of factors, but then you realize, yeah, so maybe it's just like not the right person for you, you know, and they end up finding somebody.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: You find somebody and it's like it works out perfectly, perfectly, and you know, oh, yeah, you end up, you know, thinking like, wow, that was the right decision.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: But in the moment it's so hard to do where you know people are cowards and you know they drag things on, they, you know they cheat, they do whatever.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: And, uh, that's just because we don't know how to communicate as adults again communicate.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh it's not easy, it's, it's oh, definitely, and it's never gonna be easy, but it's just, it's.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: It's always the right thing to do.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: The truth is, you know is always the way to go, but at first it's gonna sting and it's gonna hurt yeah um.
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: Were you afraid of the backlash of?
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what was gonna happen?
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: I got so much crap from my family oh, really yeah I got so much crap from my family because you know they all loved her.
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: You know, yeah, and they're like why would you because you know they all loved her.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: You know, yeah, and they're like, why would you do this?
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: You know, da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and they even like starting to date my new girlfriend.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: I you know they're kind of hesitant.
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: Are they comparing?
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: Not comparing, but just like oh, you're just going to break another girl's heart, oh man Mind your business working out and then they're, you know, they you put, you put them in their place.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: But um, you know, people like to get involved in your life and especially relationships, are hard when family's involved and oh fast, you know.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: But I think I'm really mature with relationships and I think it comes down to seeing my parents divorced but still be cool with each other.
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: Growing up, we have step parents.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: They're all cool with each other, like both sets of um parents can be at the same dinner table, be be at the same event, and we're really cool.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: So I think my relationship with exes have always been really good.
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: I've always ended my relationships very, very well, like.
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: I'm like.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: I still follow.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: You know, we still follow each other on Instagram.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're cool.
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: We don't talk or hang out, but we're cool, you know cordial.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: Exactly yes.
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: Like my, my ex, she's like best friends with one of my girl best friends, you know and I told her like after we broke up, like hey, be friends with her, you know, make sure she's okay.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: You know it's cool if you do that, like even my sister she's still friends with my ex, like that's cool, like that's your own relationship that has nothing to do with me.
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: Definitely, and I don't think a lot of people can do that stuff, uh-huh.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: But for me it's just like, when I'm in a relationship, the relationship is between me and you, not with the past, not with your past, not with your family, whatever it's just, at the end of the day, it's between you and I.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: That's why, you know, people get in trouble when they start sharing their dramas and fights with other people because, yes, you know, people get involved and they get invested and it's like, okay, if I have a fight with my girlfriend and we end up resolving it, but I told all the dramas and an unhappiness to all my friends, my girlfriend and I resolved it, but they don't know that yeah, they don't know that y'all resolved exactly or even if I say it's all good, they don't know the steps that we took to get there and that we're all good, yeah, they're still.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: they still have that, that, um, you know that notion of like okay, this is all the things that's going wrong she always does this she always does this, but we've already moved past that, but they haven't.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: So that's the hard part of getting people involved in your relationship.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh, you ain't lying.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: I love the fact that you put in the maturing part of being cool with your exes, because I'm still cord, cordial and cool with you know, my baby mama, the first born right uh, because we, you know, we have a kid together and we broke up pretty bad.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: but as time, you know, grew, you know you mature yeah you mature, wounds healed, and then you know I found, you know, I got my wife now.
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: So it's it's cool because my wife they talk like my, my baby mama.
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: So it's cool because my wife they talk like my baby mama and my wife they talk to each other because of you know, because the responsibilities, because I'm here on the island, they're in California, so of course she would fly back and we would always have, you know, I would love to know the status of my daughter, you know.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: So I just think that it's cool that you can be cordial with the exes, especially after I don't know like after a breakup.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: And then you say that the family, you know, your family had it going for you because you guys broke up right and I guess my family, they wasn't on my ass, but they were still communicating with man her name's Amanda, okay, were still communicating with um, man her name's amanda, okay, um, they were still communicating with amanda because you know, they want to be a part of, you know, their grandchild's life.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: So I thought, I thought that was, you know, pretty cool of them because my friends, they still speak to her, because they want to hang out with, you know, my daughter I don't know if they they still talk now because my daughter has her own cell phone and everything, but back in the day, when she didn't have a cell phone or there's no way to communicate with her, they would have to go through her.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: And I think that it's cool how you know my friends, like for I'm not gonna lie to you like for the first year and a half they're like yo skip her, I'm gonna knock her boyfriend out, this and the third.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: And I was like dog, don't even worry about it, let me handle that shit, cause it's all the friends, right, they try to come in your shit, but it's just between me and her.
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: So I thought that was pretty cool and pretty positive of you know the outcome of everything, of how everyone is all cool now because I'm cool with you.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: Know, the guy that she cheated on me with, like I'm cool because I'm not gonna front, like while I was gone, like doing my army thing thing.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: He was the father figure, so I got to give him his flowers too.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: You feel me?
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: Which.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: I fucking hate, but I know I have to you feel me, that's tough though Do stuff like that.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: Especially family, kids, even pets.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: I don't have those added layers to it.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: So in a sense it made it easier.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: Where it's just like the only thing I had to worry about was like the closeness of her to my family and our relationship.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: But I tell people, at the end of the day, you're not the one that has to feel these things, you're not the one who's going through it.
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: We are Me and the partner, you know, you and your ex-wife.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: You're the only one that has to feel the pain, that, the happiness, the sadness, all of that they, they're, they, you know, are adjacent pieces, pieces that's all.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: But you know, you're, you're not the one that had the the super hard conversation and had to deal with the loneliness and like regret and doubt, like, did I make the right decision?
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: they don't gotta deal with that stuff.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: We have to deal with that stuff.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: We have to deal with that stuff.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: So at the end of the day, you got to do what makes you happy and what's best for you and nobody can say anything about it.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: And even though I support other people friends and family although I don't agree with everything my friends and family do you got to support them because it's their life and their decision.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: So I think the best thing we can do is just support them and whatever they they want to do hey, facts, piggyback, piggybacking off your stuff.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: Um, if the homies don't like your girl, is that a deal breaker or is it still between?
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: Like just you, and is it all up to you like if homies are like saying amen, I'm seeing these red flags.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: It's like the, the pros and cons, the red and the green.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: The red flags are like they're killing the green flags and like family is putting their input too.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: Is it a deal breaker if they have, you know, they have these things to say or like, even on a positive note hey man, this girl is, this girl's the one for you, and you're like I don't know man, like man, like I'm not saying yeah, like, is it a deal breaker?
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: I've never been in that situation.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: Lucky you.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: I've always been a good people.
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: Like I've always been a good decision maker.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: I choose like great people.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: You know whether that's in a relationship or friendships.
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know I've never had like really drama with friends or you know, even relationships.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: So I've always I feel like I've always been a good picker.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: But I've had friends in those situations where we're like you know, we talk, you know behind the friend's back, like we don't really like this person and you try to tell the person, or you're like, do we tell the person?
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: You know that's a tough situation.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Oh, it definitely is and my girlfriend has friends like that too, and it's us.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: It's just always tough because you don't want to hurt their feelings but you don't.
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: I okay, I see this is like my favorite comparison of relationships.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: Significant others is because I, I love sport.
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: I love sports.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: I played sports all my life.
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: I compare relationships to sports yeah, you know, as a man should, as a man should go.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: Raiders and saints, yeah, hell, yeah.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: Um, you think about sports.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: We have.
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: Sports have the most loyal fans ever.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: Facts loyalty is all about.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: Is is like ingrained in sports, whether you're on the sports team or you're just supporting a sports team.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: For example, my team is the Saints.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: They're not the best team, but they're my favorite team.
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: So, regardless if they win every year, I'm going to support them because I'm a true fan.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: The best team Eagles, chiefs, bills back then the Patriots.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: You don't always end up with the best team.
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: You don't always end up with the best person, but that's your favorite person, that's the best team.
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: You don't always end up with the best person, but that that's your favorite person.
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: That's the best person for you.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: That's the best team for you.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: So some people, although in our eyes, like why are you a raiders fan?
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: Why are you a saints fan?
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: They suck, you know.
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you should be a chiefs fan, you should be an eagles fan, because they are the best team boy.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you, man, I've been this close to jumping ship several times.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: And that happens, just like in relationships.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: You know you're like why am I staying with the Raiders when they never win every year?
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: But because you have that time invested, you had that loyalty.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, same with relationships, you know you're just like.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: The beginning is hard, you know, because there's fair weather fans there's, you know, because there's fair weather fans there's, you know, fair weather friends.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: You know we have a friend who is, uh, you know, a panthers fan.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: Panthers suck, suck, suck.
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: But you're, you're telling them why are you with the panthers?
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: They suck like you could do so much better.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: Was he a newton fan?
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: no, no, no, I'm just using oh okay, I also say oh, there's aren't good and there's aren't good, and they're a division rival, so I'm just to I don't want to hate on the Raiders and you're like, okay, why are you with them?
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but maybe they just love the Panthers, maybe they there's something that they do that just speaks to them, that you know they relate to.
• 48:31
  Speaker 2: So you can't as much as we want to think, we of the day they're going to be a panthers fan, they're going to love their boyfriend, they're going to love their girlfriend because they just love the panthers.
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: So, for example, you know I love the saints, that's my favorite team.
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: I know they're not going to be the best every year.
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: My girlfriend isn't going to be the best every single day.
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: You know there's going to be great seasons and there's going to be bad seasons, but no matter what, I'm going to stick with her because I'm loyal and this is my favorite team, this is my favorite person.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to stick with them until then and I'm not going to.
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: You know, change ships and that's how I look at sports and relationships bro, that's, that comparison is pretty good.
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: Like you actually broke it down to to to men, because you know, man, we love sports.
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: You broke it down to where there's a hot new team you want to you know yeah, yeah, you broke that shit down, dude, I love that man he's fat.
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: Now should I go see that new blonde, that new brunette?
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: You know it's like, yeah, no, you just you watch from afar, you appreciate the greatness, but you, you gotta, you gotta, be happy with what you got and you gotta, you know, know that there's better seasons coming oh okay, we'll stick on sports yeah so with brady right he take.
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: He stayed with Patriots and then he went to the Bucs.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: What do you think of the people that were diehard Patriots fans becoming Bucs fans?
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: Is it because the favorite player went.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean being well, if we're Brady and we're so, we're just the fans.
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: We're just the fans, yeah.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: So, for example, if we're using this comparison, like, okay, we had six great years or you know, so he had six rings with them.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: I think yeah, um, and you're like, wow those.
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: We had a great marriage, six great kids, family mansion, we had a beautiful relationship and eventually, maybe, you know, you hit a midlife crisis.
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: You know, you, you're just like I think I need something different.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: And that happens when people get divorced, you know.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: And in their 50s or however old they are, and they find the new hot Bill Belichick.
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: He's dating a 20-year-old girl, you know, and sometimes you're just like, well, that's just a fun new shiny toy.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: You go over there, it works out.
• 50:37
  Speaker 2: You get a ring, you put a ring on it.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, get a ring, you put a ring on it.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you put a ring on it.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: Not, it doesn't always work, but it's tom brady, he's the goat.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, whatever he does, it's gonna work out, but that doesn't work out for everybody.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, facts holy crap.
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you're just like you're always divorced, divorced, divorced, divorce, you know uh-huh you're just like you.
• 50:54
  Speaker 2: You get a ring, you get divorced.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: You get a new ring, you get divorced.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: That's some quarterbacks like that too, some players like that too.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: But yeah, because, because even franchises, it's a relationship between the player and the franchise.
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: You ain't lying, yeah everything.
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: Everything's a relationship, every between me and you, between me and my girlfriend, between me and my business partner, between anybody.
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: It all comes down to relationships and communication yeah then you can just look at, you can compare relationships to anything oh, this is facts and before we dip out because time is concluding, that shit went by fast, right?
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: I had a big, major breakup with a person in a close relationship of mine.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: It's my barber.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: She moved to Las Vegas with her wife.
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: I've been with her since 2018.
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: Hey, the Raiders moved as well.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: yeah, oh yeah, to oakland, oh my god and, um, I'm pretty down about it because, uh, like I said, I was with her since 2018 and my, my boys started going to her too, so she's been with the boys since 2018.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: She's getting passed around.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, oh fucking bread.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, good thing she's lesbian, right, and but no man's like who do I go?
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: Who do we go to now, as you know, barber?
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: so now we're testing out the waters you get to date again yeah, I'm dating barbers yeah, but again I mean, since I go on these, you know, military assignments where I'm gone for like a month or two.
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: When I go to a barber over there, like, say, on the mainland louisiana or whatnot, I feel like I'm gone for like a month or two.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: When I go to a barber over there, like, say, on the mainland louisiana or whatnot, I feel like I'm cheating on my barber.
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying yeah, I, I did that.
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: I go to my barber and somebody gifted me a haircut for christmas, so I went to, like the other lady, and I just felt so weird right back.
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: Why is that between?
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: A man and his barber is sacred dude, it is right oh, that's one relationship where I'm just like I don't know it's, it's funny.
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: Uh, my boys would say this it's like we guys would would cheat on their wives, cheat on their girl, cheat on their partner, but would never cheat on their barber.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: Yep, that's some funny ass shit.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, dude, come on man, that was fucking fun as hell dog um, before we dip out and I hope your girl doesn't get mad um- no, never this is gonna be a funny one before we dip.
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: Uh, is there a cartoon?
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: Is there a cartoon character that you know you would do?
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: uh, oh well, so we watch anime, we love anime oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay how we first bonded was over anime.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: Uh, it's a case in demon slayer, all of it.
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: There's one character, so for the girls it's always Gojo Satoru.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you watch anime.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: No, who's that from?
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: He's Jujutsu Kaisen.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: He's like a silver hair guy.
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's like very beautiful stud.
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: There's this one lady, uh, in fire force, captain hibana, uh-huh I think is the fire for the fifth company.
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: Um, and that's like my, my anime crush.
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: All right, I just said that's my gojo, that's your, that's your go-to gojo hibana, captain hibana oh man, I had a picture after.
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, please do, please do.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: Um, I've had this discussion with other people and I've updated my list and my go-to.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: Now you watch family guy yeah lois could get it like them, uh, the gingers.
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: Hey man, what man she freaking?
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: I think she a freak.
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: Get it dog I mean, she could get it peter.
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: She gotta be hey man peter man that ffa and she whipped man, come on, dog.
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: I know it's cartoons and shit, but man, hey, dog, that was fun.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: Man, I do appreciate you coming on dog.
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: Hey, appreciate you, my guy.
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: Do you have any shout-outs or anything?
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: Or you know these people?
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: Where can they find you at?
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: Just look up KamakaDS8 on Instagram.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: Keep it aloha, that's all hey, that's what's up.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: A shout out to ko studios.
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: Thank you for a lovely home, raffy bite.
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: Thank you for the lovely vibes.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: Man with that, I'm chris I'm kamaka and we out this bitch peace.