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MONEY DIARIES: Changing savings habits to create more opportunity · She's On The Money

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  Speaker 1: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
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  Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
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  Speaker 2: for millennials who want financial freedom. Happy Monday, Welcome back
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  Speaker 2: to another shot back Money Diary Monday episode where we
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  Speaker 2: Victoria chat to one of our gorgeous community members.
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  Speaker 3: Literally their best day of the week. The most fun
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  Speaker 3: episodes are money diaries. Like, I'm not hearing it. I
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  Speaker 3: don't even care that on Friday drinks we literally sometimes drink.
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  Speaker 3: Still more fun on money diarries.
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  Speaker 2: I completely agree. And this week we've got another banger.
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  Speaker 3: So oh, we always have a banger. I mean in
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  Speaker 3: saying that, that's because we have a wonderful content producer
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  Speaker 3: who makes sure that every money diary is super engaging
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  Speaker 3: in saying that everyone's money story is always really exciting
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  Speaker 3: to hear. So I just do you ever get a
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  Speaker 3: bad money diary? I don't think we've ever had a
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: bad money diary.
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  Speaker 2: I don't think we have either. And if you do
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: want to submit your diary, there's a form on our
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: website you can fill out. We read all of them.
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  Speaker 2: We get so many, and we're so grateful, So if
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  Speaker 2: you don't hear from us, we're really sorry, but we're
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  Speaker 2: just really lucky that we get to read and engage
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: with all of these stories.
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  Speaker 3: And then, Jenner, I promise you we read them. If
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  Speaker 3: we haven't replied, at least know that every money diary
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: that comes into our inbox does get read. We sometimes
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  Speaker 3: just don't have the capacity to get back to you.
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  Speaker 3: But in saying that today's money Diary, Jess, could you
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  Speaker 3: read out their email. Let's get into this.
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  Speaker 2: So this week's diarist said, I have always been able
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  Speaker 2: to save for things I prioritize and where possible, have
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  Speaker 2: been debt free. However, I've never had savings until the
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  Speaker 2: last few years now being the primary income earner with
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  Speaker 2: a mortgage paying for the unit as I go and IVF.
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  Speaker 3: On future horizons.
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  Speaker 2: Over the past ten years, I've had to learn and
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  Speaker 2: grow with my now husband to manage my mindset. When
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  Speaker 2: he will spend several hundred dollars a week on lost consumables,
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  Speaker 2: and for the first several years of our relationship we
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  Speaker 2: would live each week being a saver, it blows my mind.
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  Speaker 2: So I've had to establish a balance to move forward
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  Speaker 2: in our relationship without being his mom.
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  Speaker 3: Oh that is a big one. The mum card, Money Diarist,
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  Speaker 3: You are obviously on the line already welcome to the show. Oh,
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  Speaker 3: I have so many questions. I feel like this is
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  Speaker 3: such an exciting money diary and so relatable, Like how
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  Speaker 3: many people are going to be listening to this and
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  Speaker 3: they're like, you know what, I do? Feel like I'm
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  Speaker 3: mothering my partner sometimes and where's the line? Like how
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  Speaker 3: do you manage that? I'm going to learn a lot
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  Speaker 3: about this, but as always, we are going to start
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  Speaker 3: with our structured questions. So first things first, money Diarist,
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  Speaker 3: what is your attitude towards money?
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  Speaker 4: I think it's pretty good.
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  Speaker 5: I've always kind of lived as I've gone, but I've
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  Speaker 5: always been able to say for I've wanted to do so.
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  Speaker 5: I've never sort of had the privilege of having a
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  Speaker 5: good income in the background. My parents were mum with
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  Speaker 5: single parent, so I've always sort of worked from thirteen
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  Speaker 5: and had to do it myself.
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  Speaker 3: Epic and how much money do you earn and what
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  Speaker 3: do you do for work? Money diarists.
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  Speaker 5: So I'm the team leader of a support coordination team
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  Speaker 5: that works through the NDIS and I'm on ninety five
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  Speaker 5: is in a year?
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  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, do you know how many people Jess
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  Speaker 3: have been on the show recently, but a.
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  Speaker 2: Lot of them.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, you guys are special humans. And to
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  Speaker 3: know you're all in our community. How lucky are we?
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  Speaker 4: It's a big industry.
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  Speaker 3: Look, it's a massive industry, but it's full of special
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  Speaker 3: people and to know that you guys are all here
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  Speaker 3: like that is obviously in a pick job, great income,
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  Speaker 3: but that would be a very taxing job. Do you
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  Speaker 3: find that to be the case?
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, it can be very I guess I'm organizing other
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  Speaker 5: people's lives, so I'm great at doing theirs.
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  Speaker 4: I come home and minds a disaster.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, isn't that the case? The plumber always has a
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  Speaker 3: leaky tap? Had money diarist? What is your big money goal.
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  Speaker 5: I've kind of achieved all my goals, but I think
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  Speaker 5: what we're aiming for is to buy a little second
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  Speaker 5: property is a bit of a holiday home. So that's
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  Speaker 5: sort of a long term goal with all the market
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  Speaker 5: at the moment, so no rush, but that's something we
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  Speaker 5: want to work towards.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, that is so exciting. What is the most recent
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  Speaker 3: money goal that you achieved?
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  Speaker 5: Im as you've heard of me and I'm kind of
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  Speaker 5: paying my UNI fees as I go, So that's really
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  Speaker 5: where I'm aiming for every trimesto and just getting those paid.
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  Speaker 3: Before you mentioned that you had a mortgage and obviously
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  Speaker 3: you are getting on top of saving. How have you
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  Speaker 3: managed money diarist to pay UNI upfront? Is that a choice?
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  Speaker 3: Or is that because maybe you don't have access to
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  Speaker 3: He's like, why did you make that decision? So I
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  Speaker 3: do have access to HEX.
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  Speaker 5: Obviously I am from originally from the UK, but I
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  Speaker 5: am a citizen, so I was going to put onto
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  Speaker 5: my help. But then I was talking to the finance
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  Speaker 5: officer at unit at work and she'd actually mentioned if
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  Speaker 5: I pay it off as I go, if I'm in
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  Speaker 5: a position to do that, I could claim on my packs.
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  Speaker 3: Oh money win. That's actually a really good tip. Actually,
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  Speaker 3: if you're working at the same time as doing UNI
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  Speaker 3: and it's a related degree to your current employment, you
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  Speaker 3: can actually claim it. That's a bit of a money win. Hey.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 5: So I would have like, really, the money would just
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  Speaker 5: be going into my savings at this point anyway, So
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  Speaker 5: I just thought, why not, I'm going to pay it anywhere.
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  Speaker 4: I wanted to sort of pay it as I went
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  Speaker 4: or close to so.
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  Speaker 3: And hey, if you're able to claim it on tax,
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  Speaker 3: that is one of the bigger money wins. Especially when
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  Speaker 3: you have a ninety five thousand dollars income, any claim
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  Speaker 3: is absolutely worth it. Next question money Doris, is do
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  Speaker 3: you currently have any investments.
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  Speaker 4: I do.
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  Speaker 5: I've started with Spaceship after I started listening with you
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  Speaker 5: guys a few weeks ago. I invested into Comsex, saying
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  Speaker 5: that I have no clue what I was doing, so
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  Speaker 5: we'll see how that goes.
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  Speaker 3: Sometimes the best way to get started is to just
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  Speaker 3: get started. Can you tell me a little bit about
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  Speaker 3: why you chose that platform and how you made the
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  Speaker 3: decision to just go boots and all in and download
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  Speaker 3: the app and start investing on it.
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  Speaker 4: Yes, I wanted to.
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  Speaker 5: My big goal I guess that was probably my big
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  Speaker 5: money goal was to invest, but I just haven't had
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  Speaker 5: time to learn about it. So I've sort of then
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  Speaker 5: realized for your podcast that go into a financial advisor,
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  Speaker 5: I'd need to be investing a lot more.
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  Speaker 4: So.
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  Speaker 5: I don't think I'm in a position to do that yet,
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  Speaker 5: but I wanted to at least achieve something towards that
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  Speaker 5: goal this year.
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  Speaker 3: Oh I love that, and that's actually one of the
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  Speaker 3: most frustrating things about our industry I find all about
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  Speaker 3: my industry is that financial advice can be so inaccessible,
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  Speaker 3: and it's just so frustrating when you're in a position
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  Speaker 3: where you're like, you know what, I want to create
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  Speaker 3: wealth for myself. I really want to create a secure
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  Speaker 3: financial future. I've saved maybe my first five thousand dollars,
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  Speaker 3: and I want to go see a financial advisor. The
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  Speaker 3: idea that a statement of advice for investment can be
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  Speaker 3: so prohibitive. I don't want to save my first five
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  Speaker 3: grand and then have most of that taken up in
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  Speaker 3: fear with a financial advisor. It just feels like you're
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  Speaker 3: going backwards. So I totally get that, and that is
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  Speaker 3: why I'm such a big fan of people making those
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  Speaker 3: steps themselves, or going onto our six park platform and
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  Speaker 3: learning more about it in their own way, because sometimes
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  Speaker 3: you just don't need a financial advisor to start the journey.
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  Speaker 3: I'm like, I probably should be telling you all that
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  Speaker 3: you need a financial advisor as a financial advisor, but
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  Speaker 3: I think we've learned enough on this podcast to give
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  Speaker 3: it a hot crack ourselves.
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  Speaker 5: Hey yeah, so yeah, No, it's just to get on
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  Speaker 5: to it and then yeah, I think over the next
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  Speaker 5: few years I'll go a bit bigger. But yeah, definitely
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  Speaker 5: need to do my education on that one.
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  Speaker 3: Small steps are still steps in the right direction. Moneyed dirist.
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  Speaker 3: Next question is do you currently have any debts? If so,
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  Speaker 3: what are they?
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  Speaker 5: Yep, So we've got a mortgage and then we've got
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  Speaker 5: a car loan which has twenty thousand dollars remaining on it.
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  Speaker 3: And tell me a little bit about your mortgage. How
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  Speaker 3: do you manage that one month to month?
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, so I actually pay a thousand dollars extra each
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  Speaker 5: month off that.
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  Speaker 3: So are you You're just like a little money wiz.
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  Speaker 3: You came on money doaris to show off how good
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  Speaker 3: you are at money?
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  Speaker 5: So I actually, when the interest rates went really low,
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  Speaker 5: I decided to split it between veryborn fixed. So with
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  Speaker 5: that I was able to sort of have half a
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  Speaker 5: bit fixed, half variable, so I can pay extra repayments.
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  Speaker 5: But the way my salary packaging was set up was
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  Speaker 5: it was going to the wrong account where I had
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  Speaker 5: to pay most money. So I just went, Joe, what
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  Speaker 5: I'm not losing it, Let's leave it where it is,
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  Speaker 5: and then I've just paid the extra repayments to the
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  Speaker 5: other account.
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  Speaker 3: I love that. I feel like you're super on top
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  Speaker 3: of it. My next question, money Diarist, is do you
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: use shop back?
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  Speaker 4: So?
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  Speaker 5: Actually, I had shot back for years. I used to
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  Speaker 5: use it on good old eBay back in the day.
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  Speaker 5: I don't do much on my shopping, but I do
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  Speaker 5: have it.
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  Speaker 3: Oh. I love that. I feel like everyone's got their
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  Speaker 3: own journey with it and it's not a she's on
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  Speaker 3: the money money when if you haven't really used shot
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  Speaker 3: back in addition to buying something online. Next question, money Diarist,
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  Speaker 3: what is your best money habit?
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  Speaker 5: I think if there's something I want to achieve, I'll
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  Speaker 5: do it regardless of what financial position I'm in. Previously
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  Speaker 5: to this job, I would work just casual jobs retail cells,
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  Speaker 5: but regardless of the income, if I want to achieve something,
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  Speaker 5: I work towards that.
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  Speaker 3: How do you have that mindset? Now? I'm asking that
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  Speaker 3: because I just feel like so often we see other
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: people achieving goals and you look at yourself and go, oh,
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: I could never do that, or that's not achievable for me.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: How have you got the mindset of like, no, if
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: ione to achieve something, I'm going to do it. Like,
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: how do we learn from you.
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  Speaker 5: I think where I grew up, a lot of people
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: had sort of more money than me around me, so
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  Speaker 5: I always had to say and pay for stuff myself.
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  Speaker 5: My mum was never in a position to just go
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: and buy me what I wanted. So I think because
• 9:49
  Speaker 5: I've grown up having to do everything by myself, and
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: that since I was thirteen fourteen, I've just gone, you
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  Speaker 5: know what, life's too short. If I want something, I'm
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: the only one that I can rely on to do that.
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  Speaker 3: And then you just put your mind to it and
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  Speaker 3: get it done. And have you ever found that you've
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  Speaker 3: been disappointed with that journey? Like have you ever been
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  Speaker 3: like wow, like I've set this goal and not been
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: able to achieve it, or are you just like, no,
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: even if I come up against a hurdle, I'm going
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: to make it work somehow.
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  Speaker 4: I think I'm really good at winging it.
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: So I think even I've tried to aim for something,
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  Speaker 5: I've kind of got where. Not in a dragged way,
• 10:24
  Speaker 5: but I've kind of always been able to get there,
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  Speaker 5: whether it's extending the timeline a little bit or just
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  Speaker 5: going nope, that's a goal. And if I'm having to
• 10:30
  Speaker 5: live off supernodles for every week and every day for
• 10:34
  Speaker 5: the next six months.
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  Speaker 4: That's how it's going to happen.
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  Speaker 3: I adore that, and I feel like it's such a
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: good story because it's a piece that so many people go, oh,
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: I could never do that, because they're not willing to
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: make that sacrifice. And achieving goals is often very much
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: about sacrifice. And you just said even if I have
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: to live off supernodles, like, that's just it right, Like
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  Speaker 3: you've compromised something to achieve a goal that was more
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  Speaker 3: important to you. I love that. I think that is
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  Speaker 3: a great money habit.
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  Speaker 5: I had a lot of friends in the UK for
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: years go how did you afford to go over there?
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: How are you affording it?
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: But each week they're buying the new clothes, they're getting
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: their nails done, they're getting their hair done. The last
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: time I got my nails done was maybe a year
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: and a half ago for wedding. So it's prioritizing those needs.
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: I do think. And this is going to be a
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: bit rich coming from me, because if you guys have
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: seen me on social media, I do always have my
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: nails done and I am a big fan of eyelash extensions.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: But I think we really need to remember that those
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: things are luxuries, they aren't necessities. And I think that
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: in this year and this day and age, we get
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: confused between luxuries and necessities and we confuse the two
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: and you go, oh no, but I need to get
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: my nails done and I have to have my eyelashes done,
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: and it's like, well, actually you don't. And if you've
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: got a bigger goal that isn't eyelashes or nails, that
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: stuff adds up. I know here in Melbourne, getting your
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: nails done, if I go into the city, because you
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: know we're Melbourne based, it's about fifty bucks to get
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: our nails done at a minimum, and then lashes are
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: even more and that adds up like each in every
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: single month. That is a really big amount of money
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: to be allocating in your budget. And I'm not meaning
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: to sound shamy, because don't get me wrong, I do
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: these things. But something I've learned very recently, not even recently,
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: it feels recently because it was at the start of
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: COVID is doing my own nails and how much money
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: I've saved. I'm like, oh my gosh, I can have
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: my cake and eat it too. So it's interesting how
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: you're saying, hey, yeah, like they were going and doing
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: these things, but that's their value set. We're not shaming it.
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: We're just saying you had a goal and you work
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: towards it. I adore it. But flip side of that,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: my friend, what's your worst money habit?
• 12:47
  Speaker 4: Worse is? I think we'll probably more about it.
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: But because my husband will go and spend money freely,
• 12:53
  Speaker 5: I'll go and be like, oh, well, if you're spending there,
• 12:56
  Speaker 5: I can go and justify buying.
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: This amount of money, and.
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: I get I don't get out of control, but I
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: do sometimes buy stuff because I'm like, let if I
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: deserve it.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: Yep, you've done it, so I get to do it.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: Do you find that that compromises your bigger goals in
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  Speaker 3: any way?
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: Probably not, because I'm not a big spend on an
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: everyday basis, so I don't just spend a lot on
• 13:18
  Speaker 5: a weekly basis. I'm kind of one of those people
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: where I'll live off my needs and put it aside,
• 13:23
  Speaker 5: but then I don't track if I want to go
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: and buy myself something.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's fair money. Diarist. Last question before I get
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: to deep dive into asking the perfect questions. I have
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: been chomping of a bit to ask. If we forced
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: you to give yourself a money grade, what would you
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: grade yourself?
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: I think I but I think I definitely want to
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: work more in that investment area in the long term.
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: So I've still got a little bit there to go.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: I love that. Let's go to a quick break, and
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: then I'm going to ask those deep, perfect questions about
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: your relationship. We are back money diarist. I want to
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: just get straight into it and ask you about your
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: relationship and your different money stories. So let's start there.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: You said before that you grew up in a single
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: parent household. Is that how your partner grew up or
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: why do you think that your money stories are so different?
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: And so I grew up with a single mom, two siblings.
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: He grew up his parents were separated, but they live
• 14:23
  Speaker 5: around the corner to each other.
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: They don't get on.
• 14:25
  Speaker 5: But that he used to sort of go from one
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: house to the other, and he was able to play
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: his parents off each other to get what he wanted.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: Oh gosh, yeah, okay, we want to know someone who
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: was able to do that.
• 14:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, whereas I had to work for my own money,
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: so we met. He's actually from overseas, so we actually
• 14:43
  Speaker 5: met in Australia backpack in ten years ago when we
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: were twenty years old.
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: So oh so sweet. And you're from the UK, so
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: you've decided to both settle here. Yes, Oh my gosh,
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: what a dream. How lucky we are there have you?
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: Thank you?
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: You so talk to me about managing that relationship. And
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: obviously you're a little bit more headstrong when it comes
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: to setting goals and you're willing to compromise, you know,
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: food and other things so that you can achieve. How
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: do you manage that in a relationship, And, as you
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: said in your email, when you feel like sometimes you're
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: being the mum in the relationship.
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: So it's been hard. It's definitely not been easy. And
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: for the first couple of years we were both just
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: living week to week and having fun and going on
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: ad travels, et cetera. But then I think it kind
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: of got to a point where we were paying for
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: visas which were excessive amounts of money and having to
• 15:35
  Speaker 5: actually say.
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: For those sorts of things.
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, so we've never had a joint bank account.
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: That's something we've never done, and it's just worked for us.
• 15:42
  Speaker 5: I think if I could see what he was spending,
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: we probably wouldn't be together today. So it's been able
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: to balance that what he's spending and what he's doing,
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: but not controlling that. I guess something I've had to
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: sort of come to realization is is that he also works.
• 15:59
  Speaker 5: He's earning his own money, and it's as much as
• 16:02
  Speaker 5: I need him to contribute to the bills and mortgage,
• 16:05
  Speaker 5: and if he's not earning as much one week, we
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: still need to pay those I can't not tell him
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: to not enjoy the money that he's working hard for.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I guess that's a really important part of
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: it as well, because everybody's money story is so different.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: But it's that feeling of am I being your mom?
• 16:23
  Speaker 4: Like?
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Am I telling you what's going on? And it never
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: feels nice, right, Like we've all been in a situation
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: before where we're like, oh, I shouldn't have to do this.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: So how do you manage those bigger goals? So you
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: mentioned before you've got a mortgage. I'm assuming that you
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: worked towards having a mortgage together. How did you manage
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: those big money goals in a relationship where you're like
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm the one driving
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: this car.
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: So he's actually really easily manipulated. Is that fair to say?
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: I mean, that's probably not how I would want to
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: put it publicly, but so on the podcast now.
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: So for example, I might be like, oh, babe, let's
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: do this and look at buying the house, and he'll
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: be like, no, we can't afford it. And I'm like, oh,
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: let's just go look at some display homes this week,
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: and then a few weeks he's like.
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: Let's do it. So I plant receivers.
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: If it's his idea, well, really, it's all my idea, genius.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: We won't let him listen to this podcast. Then we'll
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: be like, what are you talking about? That one's heard?
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: No, But I think we've tried a few different things
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: over here is but I think the best thing that's
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: worked for us is because he if the money sits
• 17:30
  Speaker 5: in his baying, it's gone it. Just like he could
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: get paid every week and it will just disappear. So
• 17:35
  Speaker 5: what we do is he will have he set spending money.
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: I'll let him sort of work out what he needs,
• 17:41
  Speaker 5: and then everything else goes over to my bank, so
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: I have control of the savings. I have control of
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: sort of paying all the I left him to pay
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: bills and there'd be left unpaid. So I pay all
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: the bills. I think he pays the electricity bill, that's
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: his one responsibility, and so he does contribute to all
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: that sort of stuff, but he doesn't see how it
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: goes up.
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: If that makes sense.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, can I ask because I think this is
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: a really interesting way of doing it, and a lot
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: of people will be listening going, oh my gosh, like
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: my partners were saying, maybe a little bit less fiscally responsible.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: How did you broach that conversation with your partner because
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: obviously you probably didn't want to turn around and be like,
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: I'm taking.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: Control and you get no say was it?
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: So?
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: How did you come to the decision to manage it
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: this way? Does he check in at all? Or is
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: it fully left up to you?
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, Look, we're very open anytime he wants to look
• 18:36
  Speaker 5: at it, it's there. It's nothing that's hidden with between us.
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: It's available to both of this. I think it's just
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: one of those ones. Over the years, I think it
• 18:43
  Speaker 5: probably still happens at least once a year we have
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: an argument over finance, and I just sit there and go, Okay,
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: I'm going to write down every single bill we pay,
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: and you can just pay me fifty percent of that.
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: Once he realizes how much all the bills actually paid,
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: because it does come up that, he goes, well, you're
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: just taking all the money sometimes, and I'm just giving
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: you the money. So his everything we pay and from
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: your income, we actually only contribute a little bit towards that.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, And so when it comes to I guess
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: his side of the story, he's obviously not here, But
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: how do you think he feels about that? And having,
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: you know, just heard what you said. Sometimes he's just
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: clearly not privy to the amount of time, energy, and
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: effort that goes into managing household and managing bills and
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: getting things done. From his perspective, how do you think
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: he feels about this dynamic.
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: I think he's actually grateful for it. Look, we're very
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: open with each other. I think he knows, like he
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: was paying a few of the bills when we first
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: moved into the property, and we're getting the overdraft bills
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: and he's just like, oh, yeah, I forgot about that one.
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: I'm like, Okay, let's just put it all over to me. Like,
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: so we did try the whole You pay some bills,
• 19:52
  Speaker 5: I pay some bills, but he'd forget to pay him.
• 19:56
  Speaker 5: So I think he likes it. It's not he's not
• 19:58
  Speaker 5: having to deal with that, But I think it's it's
• 20:00
  Speaker 5: the balance that we've perhaps to try and establish.
• 20:02
  Speaker 4: Is me getting annoyed with him for spending so much
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: on crap?
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, and that's like then in his value set
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: to want to continue to do that. So he's like, no,
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: I'm going to continue to enjoy my life. What do
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: you mean? I feel like that's such a common situation,
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: and it's always like ying and yang, right, like one
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: person's really good at money and the others not so
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: on it. And like I feel like Jess, you said
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: it before, like fiscally responsible is a nice way to
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: say it. But I'm in a similar relationship. But I
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: am so money focused, Like I'm a financial advisor. I
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: love a budget, I love sitting down with it. My
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: partner couldn't care less about my budgets, like money does
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: I have. I've built tools, I have like done epic
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: budgets like and I am so excited about them. And
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: I do them. I'm like, this is how we're going
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: to set goals, this is how we're going to work
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: towards them. He's like cool, Like no, but look how
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: exciting it is. And he's like no. So I just
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: I totally resonate with being on a different page with
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: your partner. But I think I would struggle if I
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: felt like I was being his mum. But at the
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: same time, I can totally see that if you've had
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: a different upbringing and you've had a different money story,
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: how that fits. I don't mean to be too pervy.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: I'm asking so many relationship questions, but at the start
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: of your relationship, was that a big friction point? And
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: how did you like come to go? Do you know what?
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: That's just how he is. He has a different money
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: story to me. I'm going to manage it this way.
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: No, Because I think when we first met, we were
• 21:33
  Speaker 5: traveling and we will continue to do some tabling together
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: and go to different places, etc. So we were kind
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: of just put in in and we were both working
• 21:42
  Speaker 5: sort of casual jobs, so it was never really a
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: big deal. I think it became sort of more obvious
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: maybe about four years in when we're applying for visas
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: and we were having to save ten thousand dollars fifteen
• 21:53
  Speaker 5: thousand dollars upfront that we didn't have. So when I'm
• 21:56
  Speaker 5: trying to save all the money and stressing because we've
• 21:58
  Speaker 5: got a timeline to pay for a visa and he's
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: spending all his money every week, then that wasn't a
• 22:03
  Speaker 5: great experience. And I think that's where, Okay, we need
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: to you need to step up on this.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: Oh gosh. And so how have you guys? Obviously you
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: said you have an argument maybe once a year about this.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: Has that become commonplace or did you used to argue
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: a lot more about money and now it's just like
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: once you have a big blow up and you can
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: tell him, sit down, I'm gonna tell you how it is,
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: and then he goes all right back in my box,
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: let's do it. I'll let you, I'll let you do it.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: So was that more common historically?
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: It was definitely a lot more common. I think because
• 22:35
  Speaker 5: we're a bit more financially stable now, we're not as stressed,
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: which makes things a bit more relaxed. So before I
• 22:42
  Speaker 5: started listening to your podcast, we actually took out some
• 22:44
  Speaker 5: of our super and I don't regret it now because
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: I've actually I only let him spend maybe. We saw
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: all our friends blow in the full ten thousand dollars,
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: and I think I let him spend maybe, Well, he
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: spent about one thousand, but the rest of it is
• 22:56
  Speaker 5: still sitting in I read raw for our mortgage, so.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: Not with worse thing to happen.
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, so at least it's offset in our mortgage rather
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: than just going down the drain. But he was also
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: in the situation of okay, yep, no, we need to
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: put some aside. We can't just go and spend it all.
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: So he's also changed his his money though that CA's
• 23:15
  Speaker 5: definitely become a lot more frugal.
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: So the car loan that we've got is actually his
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: for his car.
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: But I said to him, we're not getting it unless
• 23:22
  Speaker 5: you get a good interest rate. So he actually I
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: made him go around comparing interest rates and then we
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: found a good one, and then he's taking it back
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: to the car dealership making them price for it.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. And I think that it's
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: so important to delegate as well in a relationship, because
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: a relationship, I think a lot of people are like
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: it's always fifty to fifty, and that's not the case.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it is sixty forty or seventy thirty in different
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: ways shapes or forms like And I'm sure that there
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: are other places in your relationship that he's pulling the
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: weight and you're just on the money side. But I
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: think it's really important to understand that sometimes need to
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: take a step back and be like, no, I'm actually
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: not your mum. If you want you a new car,
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: go and do the right thing, and then we can
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: make that decision. But I think that sometimes you end
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: up a bit disappointed when you do that, because if
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: they don't really want it, they're not going to do
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: the hard yards and they're not going to pull their
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: finger out and get it done. And that can be
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: even more frustrating because you're like, I gave you one job.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think he like, I think five years
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: ago it would look very different there. I think now
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: that we've sort of got the hairs and stuff, he
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: can see all the sacrifices we make in the outcomes
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: of those wheres.
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: I think five years.
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: Ago he could never see, oh, why are we saving
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: and he'd never understand why you needed savings. Whereas now
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: he can see that we can go on holidays, or
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: we've got a halfs or we've got a dog. He
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: can see how those can add up.
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and what's the plan for the future, Like where
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: are we going with this? What are your money goals
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: together in the future looking like?
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: Yes, as I mentioned, the goal for us at the
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: moment is obviously children, so we will need to have IBS.
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: So it's and that's something we're saving towards, putting aside,
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: getting ready for that, and then yeah, that's probably hopefully
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: what twenty twenty two will bring.
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: And talk to me a little bit about the IVF
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: process if you wouldn't mind. How far down that track
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: are you, Like you've said, we know we'll need it, Yeah,
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: do you know how much it's going to cost? Like,
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: have you started budgeting for that?
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: So we were seeing a fertility clinic. We've been seeing
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: a fertility doctor for probably about two two to three years,
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: and it's never been urgent for us. We're not in
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: any rush, so it's never been crisis. But we tried IUI,
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: which is sort of a lower cost version of IBF
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: in a bit more less invasive. So we'd done two
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: rounds of that that wasn't successful. We were costs that
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: was worked out about twelve hundred dollars around.
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that's still so expensive.
• 25:51
  Speaker 4: And not to be successful.
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: So then we were sort of okay, finally psyched ourself
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: up there back mid last year to go, okay, let's
• 25:58
  Speaker 5: we're going to go for IBFLX to do it. Through
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: the routine tests that we've done because it's been a
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: few years, I've actually found a diagnosis of hydro sul phoenix,
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: which means I've got block tubes. So that actually stops
• 26:12
  Speaker 5: it being a natural birth, So I won't ever be
• 26:14
  Speaker 5: able to have children naturally, so fut chat will be ibf.
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: Yep, So that stops your like sorry, just to like
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: that's okay, just to work it out. Does that mean
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: that the egg can't come down and then you can't
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: have a baby natch, Like you can't conceive naturally, right,
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: but you could carry a pregnancy.
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 26:34
  Speaker 5: So I'm actually on the way in this with the
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: hospital for surgery. Well I'm waiting for an appointment, so
• 26:38
  Speaker 5: then I'll have to have surgery to have my tumbes removed. Wow,
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: So that means that we will only wait be able
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: to carry is through IBF, so we're looking out between
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: five to eight grand I believe it's going to cough
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: per rand.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Around so expensive. It's such a big investment that women
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: have to undertake, couples have to undertake, to go through
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: a process that you know when you're growing up, you
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: just assume it's going to be really easy. And you know,
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: I've got a lot of friends who are going through
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: IVF at the moment. And it's not just the finance
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: side of things. It's mentally taxing, it's physically taxing. Like
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: I don't think people realize the impact of IVF because
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: you're on all these hormones and you feel gross and
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: you feel bloated and you feel moody, and it's just
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: such an undertaking. So I'm always in awe of women
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: who are like, no, I'm going through this process, Like
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: power to you, Like that is so cool, And when
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: you do have a baby, this baby is going to
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: be so loved and so wanted, Like how cool that
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: we live in a world where you get that option
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: instead of like sorry, it's you just can't feel pregnant.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: So I'm grateful it exists, but honestly it should be
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: so much cheaper, Like, oh, how disappointing that you know
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: it's going to impact us so significantly. Fine, actually agreed,
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: and it's Yeah.
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: At least one thing I'm grateful for is that I
• 28:04
  Speaker 5: found this out before we did the first round, because
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: if we'd gone ahead and done IBF before we found
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: this out, we would have been at all that money
• 28:10
  Speaker 5: and that it wouldn't have been successfulsh.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: And is that something that is pretty common, like people
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: will do IVF and not have had the testing and
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: it being a waste of money.
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: I think they've had the testing.
• 28:20
  Speaker 5: In my case, it had progressed over the years, so
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: it was something that wasn't picked up several years ago
• 28:26
  Speaker 5: because it was probably in a I guess smile condition.
• 28:30
  Speaker 5: Then yeah, but then when we've redone the testing, So
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: I guess something I would say to people is get
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: all everything checked before you go straight down that rat
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: because if you don't do your tube testing, as an example,
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: you could spend all that money and then that'd be
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: the issue the whole time.
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, well that is a really really good
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: tip money DRISD. I think that is actually all we
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: have time for today. But thank you so much for
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: coming on the show and sharing your story and your journey.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: I'm honestly so grateful for like ah, we are so lucky.
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: Thank you well.
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: Before we head off, we'd like to acknowledge and pay
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: respect to Australia's Aboriginal and to Horror Strait islander peoples.
• 29:10
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• 29:14
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• 29:20
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• 29:23
  Speaker 3: and we share our friendship and our kindness.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: The advice shared on Shees on the Money is generally
• 29:29
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• 29:32
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• 29:35
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• 29:38
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• 30:01
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• 30:04
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