Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 91. I Love You, But Please Stop Calling Me

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91. I Love You, But Please Stop Calling Me · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appogie production an easier advice. Are you okay? What happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much? Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie Segment. This is the place for you.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Welcome back to another episode of our Bestie Segment with
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Ashley and Tiana.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: We have got a very interesting one today.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: I think it's gonna be short one because I don't
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: think we're gonna have a lot of advice. Yeah, you
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: don't know if we can relate to me no, So
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I'll just read it out. It's very short. Also, when
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: you guys write in your submissions one, we really appreciate
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: it too. The more context you can give us, the
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: more advice we can give you. When there's not much context,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: it makes it harder for us because we kind of
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: have to assume different things to extend on the advice. Anyways,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: I'll take it away. What do you do when your
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: best friend becomes too much? She calls too much and
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: texts NonStop, needs to know who I'm with, what I'm
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: doing each day, kind of like an obsessed boyfriend. How
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: do you slowly back away without ending the friendship completely?
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Now I can't relate. You just described our friendship. We
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: literally say that, Dyson, you said it to me last night.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: You're like, I'm like an annoying boyfriend. No annoying ex
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: boyfriends ex boyfriend. I was like, I love it. Ya.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: We love being super connected and we talk all the time,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: but we both also have really beautiful friendships with girls
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: that we don't see often. Like I don't see Shares
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: very much, but she has been one of my best
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: friends since I was fifteen, and I still feel super
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: connected with her and when we talk, when we catch up,
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: it's like nothing has changed. But we don't need to
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: talk all the time. We don't talk all the time,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: and we live quite separate lives because she lives like
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: far away from me, of course. And then there's you
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: and I who are super close and we talk every
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: single day, and if we don't, it's like almost weird,
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: like are you okay, you're alive? What are you doing?
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Who are you with?
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, if you did not text me for
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: twenty four hours?
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Like literally yeah, we genuinely like are you alive? Like
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: check your location?
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: That actually has happened, Like we have our locations of
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: each other.
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, are you calling me one time and be like, oh, Okay,
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: I didn't hear from you last night.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Yes, literally, But I do think some people don't value
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: friendship as much. Yeah, Like I know for Steve, like,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: of course he values friendship, but nowhere near as much
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: as what I value it. He would like rather work
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: or be with his kids or just be by himself.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Whereas I love friendship. It it is so important to me.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: It always has been, it always will be. It's a
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: source of fun, connection, variety, like different friends for different reasons.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: You're looking at me, you have different friends.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh you do what other friends?
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love sisterhood. I just think it's so beautiful
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: and I need girlfriends in my life, something I will
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: never not put as a priority. So maybe you're just
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: someone who it does feel a bit much and that's okay.
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: Maybe I don't know if this is true, but if
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: you want to submit something else again and let us
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: know this. But when it's not reciprocated, like maybe for her,
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: it feels like she's more invested in the friendship than
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: what you are. Yeah, so maybe there's like an imbalance
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: in the friendship, do you know what I mean? Like you,
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: I do balance where it's like maybe you're not as
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: emotionally invested in the friendship. Maybe you don't have that
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: sense of closeness safety connection with her as she does
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: with you.
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: Then I can understand.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I've actually had a friend like this. I've just thought
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: of something. Yeah, I did have a friend that I
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: actually had to cut out because she was very full on.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: But I almost felt it was from an energy of codependence. Yes, okay,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: and she could not be alone, and I almost felt
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: like it started to go into this big sister, little
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: sister role of her needing me. Yeah okay for everything
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: and anything. But it was also a lot of not negativity,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: but she was just going through a lot, and of
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: course I was there for her, but I did feel
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: a little bit suffocated.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: It wasn't playful and fun. It was always i don't know, like, Yeah,
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: she really was very codependent on me and it felt
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: a lot and I did had to pull away and
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: that didn't work, so I actually had to end the friendship. Yeah.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: I just said that this wasn't aligning for me, and
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: it wasn't. I can't remember exactly what I said, but
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I just said it wasn't feeling good for me anymore,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: and I felt like I did her a favor because
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I really felt like she needed spend some time by herself,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: not being so reliant on me, And because my personality
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: is quite I love to save people. I love to
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: help people. I love if I've got any anyway I
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: can help someone with that's financially, emotionally, showing up for
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: them energetically, like, I will do it. I've always been
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: like that, but it started to take a toll on me. Yeah, okay,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: so yeah I ended that friendship. So I have had
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: that because I kind of do understand where you're coming from.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: So maybe she's just not someone that you're wanting to
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: be super close with and you could just like slowly
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: tape her off. But how do you do that? That's
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: a hard one. Do you have an honest conversation or
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: do you just stop replying to everything that wouldn't feel
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: very nice to me?
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: I think it just depends, like how deep the connection
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: is already.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's how you kind of gauge, you know, It's like,
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: is it worth having a conversation of being like, hey,
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: this is where I'm at in the friendship.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what would feel good for me?
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Is this yes?
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: Or is it something that's just like actually just not
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: an aligned friendship for you, where you're like, oh, I
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: just don't have the time, space, capacity and energy to
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: invest in this friendship in the way that she deserves
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: to have someone invest.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: She's saying, I don't want to end the friendship completely though,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: so she's still wanting her you know, life. So maybe
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: is it that honest conversation of like, I am feeling like,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: you know, you're coming to me for everything, and maybe
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: are you co dependent on me or in requiring more
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: of me? Like I don't think I can give any
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: more than what I'm giving. Yeah, And I don't want
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: to resent this friendship and I don't want them to
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: be any icky energy. But I do feel like it's
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: a lot for me right now because I have other
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: friends and work and a family or whatever things going on. Yeah,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: like could we schedule in a walk once a week
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: and you know, catch up other things, But I can't
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: be doing it every single day. I don't know. I
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: And then the you know, feeling obsessive like a partner
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: or something like that. You know, is it that she's
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: just anxious and maybe she has her stuff coming up
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: in the friendship where when you're not there, she's super
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: anxious and super maybe has the fear of abandonment and
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: all those sorts of that's sorts of conversation. You can
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: open up with her, be like, hey, like do you
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: feel fully safe in our friendship?
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: Do you feel secure? Like is anything computing not for you?
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: You know, and just check in with her as well,
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: because I think that conversation might soothe.
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: Her if it is.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so true.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: Bring safety to the friendship so she knows that she
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: can actually bring in the stuff that's coming up for
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: her instead of acting out in a really anxious way.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because there's healthy obsession, like when Steve's like obsessed
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: with me, I love it. You know, you can feel
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: it energetically when it's like more that codependent neediness or
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: it's obsessed with like I just love you so much
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: and I just have the best time with you. Yes,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: you know, I think you can feel it. So you're
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: obviously feeling that neediness and like desperation from her wanting
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: more from you. Yeah, but it's a hard conversation to have,
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: And I wonder if you'd feel different if it was
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: a different person.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: I feel, yes, I feel yes, because when.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: I did from that old friendship.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: Definitely had friendships like that too, where I've been the
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: more anxious one and when I've been the one who's
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: leant out. Yeah, So I can understand the dynamic. But
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: then when I'm also fully invested in a friendship where
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: it's like absolutely one hundred bright or die, Yeah, right
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: or die, it's a completely different energy. None of that
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: stuff even comes up. So I just wonder if it's
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: maybe just a misalignment or something.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: I think so sounds like it.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that either.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: Mean anything about this other woman doesn't mean anything about you.
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: It's just maybe just like the same length.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's exactly right. But give us an update. Let
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: us know what you're going to do with this, what
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: kind of conversation you have.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: Otherwise you'll be more than happy for them to be
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: obsessed like a boyfriend.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Literally, we love it like we love it. That's
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: so funny. But yeah, give us an update, let us
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: know how you go and sending you else to love. Yeah,
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: brave enough to have a hard conversation. You've got this
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: hard conversations. It's the year of it. It's a year
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: of hard conversation. Yes you got this girlfriend. Thanks for
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: joining us. Guys, We'll see in the next episode. Bye bye,