Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 664: How To Successfully Detach & Move On From Your Ex

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Episode 664: How To Successfully Detach & Move On From Your Ex · The Art of Love With Lucia

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  If you've decided it's time to move on from your ex, then this
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  video or podcast is for you. I'm going to tell you how to
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  successfully detach from your ex and let go.
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  So stay tuned. But first, welcome back my
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  beautiful no contact army. Have you been a good little
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  soldier? Well, if you have, then you've
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  downloaded my app, Silencio, and we now have a support button.
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  So if you have any issues with the app, just hit the support
• 0:32
  button and e-mail us and we'll get back to you within 24 hours.
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  And the link to Silencio is underneath every single video
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  and podcast. And if you too would like to
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  join our beautiful no contact army, all you have to do is hit
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  the subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in.
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  And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com where you
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  can read two free chapters before you purchase the book.
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  And also the link for that is underneath every video and
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  podcast. So we can't discussing detaching
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  and moving on until we first discuss closure.
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  And someone left an amazing comment the other day regarding
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  closure and it says closure is for people with abandonment
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  issues. I don't need closure if I'm
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  healed. I've closed whatever needs to be
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  closed myself and I totally agree.
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  What a brilliant quote. Not everyone needs closure.
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  People with a secure attachment and definitely avoidance do not
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  need closure because we just villainize you in our minds and
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  then pretend you don't exist and that's the closure.
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  So if you have abandonment issues, that means you most
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  likely have an anxious attachment style and you're
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  going to think you need closure in order to be able to move on.
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  And I'm telling you right now, you do not.
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  That's just going to make things worse because you're not going
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  to get the closure you're looking for.
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  And I've actually done a video on that topic and I'll put the
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  link in the upper right hand corner on YouTube.
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  OK, so the first thing you have to do if you want to detach from
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  your ex is to stop trying to not feel your feelings.
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  It's exhausting fighting your emotions and the word emotion,
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  it breaks down to energy in motion, E motion.
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  And when you have emotion towards something or someone,
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  there's a lot of energy around that and it needs to go
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  somewhere. It needs to express itself
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  physically. That's why people cry, laugh,
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  scream, yell, etcetera. And of course also the opposite
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  is true. If someone doesn't have emotion
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  around a person, place, or thing, then that's where they
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  are indifferent. There's no yelling, screaming,
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  crying, laughing, etcetera. So if you're having trouble
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  moving on from someone, it's because you're not letting the
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  energy and motion fully move out of your body.
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  That emotion wants to be felt and it wants to be seen.
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  And once it's felt and seen, it will leave.
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  So except that you still have feelings for them doesn't mean
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  that you have to wait until all your feelings for them are gone
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  before you detach. You need to help yourself by
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  feeling the feelings, not beating yourself up for still
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  having them. And that will help you to let
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  the feelings go. Next you are going to make a
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  list. Yes, another list.
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  This is going to be a list of all the bad things that happened
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  in the relationship and all the things you do not like about
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  your ex and I want you to be very detailed.
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  I want you to be very petty and write down every little thing.
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  The time they didn't share their dessert with you even though
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  they knew you wanted some. The time they kept you waiting
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  for 30 minutes. The time it took them 8 hours to
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  return your text and they never apologized or explained why it
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  took them so long. Everything.
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  And you're not going to do this all in one sitting.
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  But once you start doing it, then while you're, you'll find
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  that while you're doing other things, you know, walking
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  around, taking a shower, about to fall asleep, you're like, oh,
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  yeah. And then he did that.
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  And then she did that. And then he said this, where's
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  my list? I got to add this.
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  So this is an ongoing list that you keep adding to as you think
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  of more things because you're not going to think of everything
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  in one sitting. And when you write, when you
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  write things down, it forces you to look at the reality of the
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  relationship instead of just ignoring everything and having
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  rose colored glasses on and being emotional about the
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  person. This forces you to look
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  logically instead of emotionally.
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  And when people start thinking logically, that's the beginning
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  of falling out of love. If somebody you're dating, all
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  of a sudden they're talking logically about the
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  relationship, watch out. Watch out.
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  They are falling out of love. OK?
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  And also, you're going to keep this list handy.
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  And so it probably should be on your phone.
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  Look at it every single day to remind yourself of why you're
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  detaching and why you're moving on.
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  And you're probably going to get angry while you're reading
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  through it, which is good because that'll help you to
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  detach and move on. And eventually you're not going
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  to have to read it every day because you'll be good.
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  If you'll have moved on, you'll have detached and you'll even
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  maybe be disgusted with yourself that you even considered wanting
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  them back. Next you are going to remove
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  everything that reminds you of them.
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  I didn't say delete or throw away.
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  You can if you want to, but not everybody does.
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  So put things away so that you do not get triggered and then
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  want to reach out to your ex. And if it's photos, you don't
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  have to delete them, but put them either in a separate album
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  or in a whole separate app in a photo vault or something so that
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  they're not there in your pictures every time you scroll
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  through your pictures. And then finally, you need to
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  find something to do with all the extra time you now have.
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  There is now a void, a vacuum which needs to be filled.
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  Do not sit around moping and crying and wasting your precious
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  time. I mean obviously you do that in
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  the beginning to let the energy and motion move through, but at
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  some point you got to get on with things because if you don't
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  then you'll confuse being bored with missing your ex.
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  So if you're just sitting around you don't want to do anything,
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  you'll be bored and you'll be like I miss them.
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  No, you're bored and you need to do something.
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  Or another way of coping that some people do is they'll jump
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  into another dating situation or a relationship and then get
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  triggered and then contact DX. Now, of course, you know, I
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  always mention the gym. That's first and foremost.
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  But now you have time to do all the things you weren't able to
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  do during the relationship. So keep yourself busy, keep
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  leveling up, keep improving yourself.
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  I'm not going to give you a list here.
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  You find your own list depending on what you want to do.
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  But on that list of things to do to fill the time is the gym for
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  everybody. Everybody get to the gym.
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  OK, so now I want to hear from you.
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  Are you ready to detach from your ex and move on, or are you
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  still going to hang in there and stay no contact for a while
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  longer? Either way, it's fine.
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  You can't detach and move on if you don't want to stay and no
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  contact. But which one are you going to
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  do? Comment below.
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  And in the meantime, if you would like my help personally to
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  get your ex back, you can contact me at theartoflove.net
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  and we will send you the rates. They are not on the page.
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  If you're listening to us as a podcast, please rate and review.
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  If you're listening to this as a video, please subscribe and like
• 8:17
  if you liked the video. And then finally, remember, love
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  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.