Latest / Change Your Life with Dr. Amen Kaur / You don't have a manifestation problem. You have a belonging problem.

Transcript

You don't have a manifestation problem. You have a belonging problem. · Change Your Life with Dr. Amen Kaur

• 0:00
  If you've been secretly trying to manifest more in your life, like a new you, a new identity, a new life, maybe that new job, the business that you really want, the bigger reach, and you still feel stuck in
• 0:16
  exactly the same place, you might not have a manifestation problem.
• 0:21
  You have a belonging problem.
• 0:24
  And by the end of this episode, you'll understand exactly why your nervous system has been rejecting the success that you keep asking for and what it is that you can do about it.
• 0:38
  Now, there is a lot of manifestation content out there, and a lot of it amounts to thinking positive and taking some sort of action, imagining what it is that you want and then waiting.
• 0:53
  We're going to go deeper into the mechanics of why putting something out there isn't bringing you back what it is that you truly want.
• 1:03
  I've spent years, my early career as a scientist, and I spent over 20 years helping people build their careers and develop businesses before I ever became a trauma, informed, somatic coach.
• 1:20
  So everything I'm going to share sits on that bridge between science and spirituality.
• 1:26
  But it's very real and it's about getting deep into understanding how we create results in our lives so that we can have what we want.
• 1:37
  I'm going to share with you seven lessons, and there's going to be three parts to it.
• 1:44
  Part one is how do we know we're even on the right path.
• 1:49
  Part two, we go deep into the neuroscience, the physics, and into the nervous system and see how this whole system really works so that you can manifest what you want and work out where is the problem.
• 2:06
  And part three is how do you actually finally move forward?
• 2:10
  That's the most important piece.
• 2:12
  But everything we're covering is building towards that.
• 2:16
  And the final lesson reverses the order that we've been taught to do things.
• 2:22
  So let's start lesson number one.
• 2:25
  Feeling lost doesn't mean that you're off your path.
• 2:30
  Being stuck feels like standing in a dark forest.
• 2:36
  It's.
• 2:37
  You can't see more than maybe the first step ahead.
• 2:41
  The first.
• 2:41
  There's no map and there's a voice inside thinking, I'm lost.
• 2:45
  I just don't feel like myself.
• 2:47
  And we've been taught that if we can't think our way to the next step, and we haven't got that clarity, something has gone wrong.
• 2:56
  So picture this.
• 2:58
  You've decided that this is your year and you're gonna apply for that bigger role or you're gonna launch that thing that you really wanna do and you finally want to be more visible.
• 3:12
  And week one, you might be Full of energy.
• 3:14
  But by week three, you just.
• 3:18
  You're not doing what it is you really want to do because you don't feel motivated like you to used to.
• 3:24
  Maybe you're feeling like you're going round and round in circles.
• 3:28
  Maybe you're redoing your website colors or telling yourself you'll start properly on Monday.
• 3:35
  Here's what's actually happening, though, inside.
• 3:38
  When you don't feel like you belong to the future that you're building, your body treats that new path as a threat.
• 3:47
  And a nervous system that senses threat has one job, and it's to keep you safe.
• 3:54
  So it keeps you in the dark forest, not to punish you, but to protect you.
• 4:00
  It's like the fog isn't a sign that you're lost, though.
• 4:04
  It's a sign that your body hasn't yet been shown how to walk safely in that darkness.
• 4:14
  Because the truth is, being on your right path is actually being on a path that feels like you're in a dark forest.
• 4:23
  And you don't know what's ahead of you because that's a new you.
• 4:28
  You've never been there before.
• 4:30
  And no one has the map to tell you which way to go either, because now you're following your own guidance system.
• 4:38
  So here is what you can do.
• 4:42
  Next time that stuckness hits, stop asking what's wrong with me and start asking a different question.
• 4:49
  Ask, what is my body protecting me from?
• 4:54
  Do I feel safe right now?
• 4:56
  And changing the question changes everything.
• 5:00
  Because then it's not about what is the right next step and why do I feel stuck.
• 5:06
  It's huh?
• 5:07
  How am I feeling in my body?
• 5:10
  Because when you're in that dark forest, we're being asked to use a different intelligence system, one that we can't think our way through.
• 5:21
  And just changing that question allows you to listen to you.
• 5:27
  And this is where we move on to lesson number two.
• 5:30
  Because you cannot think your way out of this, because the block was never in your thinking.
• 5:36
  Your thinking is probably incredible.
• 5:39
  You're probably really analytical, you're a problem solver, you're highly intelligent.
• 5:43
  And we were raised to believe that intelligence just lives in the thinking part of the brain.
• 5:49
  You set the goal, you make the plan, and you push through and look what works.
• 5:55
  That worked up until a point.
• 5:58
  But when you are on your path, you don't know what it is.
• 6:04
  You could have the degree, the career, the title, but that's what you know is being taught to you.
• 6:12
  And you might have read the books, you might write the plan of what it is that you need to do.
• 6:17
  And you might know exactly what you need to do, but there's still some information missing.
• 6:23
  And it's not from logic that information is missing.
• 6:27
  So here's a shift.
• 6:28
  You have more than one intelligent system.
• 6:31
  You have a nervous system intelligence system that is basically telling you information, data, the felt sense.
• 6:40
  That felt sense reads safety and threat long before your mind ever or even catches up.
• 6:48
  So it's intelligent.
• 6:50
  You have an emotional intelligence system.
• 6:52
  The information carries what you feel and what you've felt in the past, so it's there to protect you.
• 7:00
  You also have an intuitive intelligence system, that quiet knowing that arrives without any reasons attached.
• 7:09
  And yes, your thinking mind is there too, which is intelligent and it matters.
• 7:14
  But it's not just the only intelligence system that is going to help you through that dark forest, moving through a new territory you can't see across.
• 7:28
  You have to see through feeling, through your nervous system, through your intuition, one step at a time.
• 7:37
  Nobody's going to hand you a map because there's no map to that forest.
• 7:43
  It's your forest.
• 7:44
  It's your path.
• 7:46
  And your action for this one is before a decision.
• 7:52
  Pause and just check in your body before your head.
• 7:57
  This is thinking isn't going to be the way forward.
• 7:59
  You're going to have to feel your way through.
• 8:03
  Does this choice make my chest open or tighten?
• 8:08
  Do I feel like, is there a part of me that really wants to move forward, but I feel frightened?
• 8:13
  Okay, maybe I need to help regulate myself so I feel safe in this scary dark forest.
• 8:21
  But I'm still going to move forward.
• 8:24
  And the way we can do that is to track your joy.
• 8:28
  What is, what brings you joy, because that's data.
• 8:34
  Joy is one of the clearest signals your intuitive intelligence sends.
• 8:39
  It lights you up and it's pointing you in the right direction, saying, hey, this is you.
• 8:45
  This is the direction that you want to go to.
• 8:48
  You're not handing your life over to sensations.
• 8:51
  You're adding three intelligence systems.
• 8:56
  Rather than just overusing one intelligence system, you're using all of them.
• 9:01
  So actually, you've got five intelligence systems to use as data to help you move forward instead of just one, which if you're just using one, you'll end up overthinking if you are trying to move forward on doing something
• 9:17
  that is more spiritual, more aligned to who you are and what you're here to do.
• 9:22
  Okay, let's move on to part two.
• 9:24
  Lesson three.
• 9:26
  Everything is energy.
• 9:29
  And this is the physics that I promised you.
• 9:33
  Everything you see and touch.
• 9:34
  Every experience is energy vibrating at different speeds.
• 9:40
  And some physicists suggest that we may need entirely a new concept to comprehend what reality even is.
• 9:51
  Here's the piece that has stopped me in my tracks.
• 9:54
  The physicists John Wheeler and Richard Feynman once calculated that a single cup of empty space, what they call the quantum vacuum, contains enough raw energy to boil every ocean on the Earth.
• 10:13
  One cup of empty space.
• 10:15
  Just look at the space around you right now.
• 10:19
  But science can't access that energy yet.
• 10:22
  And physicists will be the first to tell you they don't understand it.
• 10:27
  But sit with that for a moment, that nothing that is all around you may be more powerful than anything humanity has ever even built.
• 10:41
  So what is this energy that creates everything we see?
• 10:46
  Maybe that is what you call God or the creator or the universe, or source, or infinite intelligence.
• 10:55
  Something that is so much bigger than what we can even understand.
• 11:01
  I'm not here to name that for you, but here's the part that really matters for your life.
• 11:08
  It runs through everything, including you, which means that you cannot be disqualified from it.
• 11:17
  You belong to this incredible energy.
• 11:24
  You are part of this.
• 11:26
  And belonging was never something you had to earn.
• 11:30
  You're made up of it.
• 11:33
  The action here is small and it's a feeling, not a task.
• 11:39
  I just want you today to put your hand on your chest and say inwardly.
• 11:46
  This same energy that makes galaxies, this whole universe, is running through this body.
• 11:57
  And this, not just affirmation fluff, that's you practicing that you are a member of something that you already belong to.
• 12:08
  You already belong.
• 12:11
  And this is something that helps us move on to next thing, which is lesson number four.
• 12:19
  If this creative energy runs through everyone, why aren't we all living the life that we want?
• 12:29
  Because that energy moves through us.
• 12:31
  It gets filtered.
• 12:33
  Your brain is a filtering system.
• 12:36
  We know that through neuroscience.
• 12:38
  And it's built.
• 12:40
  That system is built from your past experiences.
• 12:43
  It's built from your.
• 12:45
  Who you are, around your culture.
• 12:48
  What you were told are told how to filter life, what you can and can't do, how you belong and what you have to do to belong, which we now know if we think it through.
• 13:00
  If we're all energy, we already belong.
• 13:02
  We're all ready belonging to the whole thing.
• 13:06
  So think about the moments that built your filter every who do you think you are?
• 13:14
  You can't do that.
• 13:16
  That's wrong.
• 13:17
  You can't be yourself.
• 13:18
  Stop speaking so much.
• 13:20
  You can't have your own thoughts.
• 13:22
  You have to do this every room.
• 13:25
  You had to shrink yourself to fit every time you raised your hand, or your voice, or your price, and learnt it wasn't safe to really own your true value.
• 13:40
  Each one narrowed the opening.
• 13:42
  So what flows through now isn't even the real you.
• 13:47
  It's a restricted version.
• 13:50
  Dr.
• 13:50
  David Hawkins built a model around this.
• 13:54
  I love his work, his map of consciousness.
• 13:58
  It describes how the states like shame, fear, courage, love, correspond to different levels of awareness, different levels of consciousness.
• 14:12
  I hold it as a framework rather than hard science, but it's a powerful lens.
• 14:18
  The more of your filter that sits in fear, the less this energy can flow through you.
• 14:25
  If your inner knowing has gone quiet over the years, hear this.
• 14:31
  It went quiet because of training.
• 14:34
  Because you were trained to filter in this way, not because you lack it.
• 14:39
  You have that same energy, that same level of consciousness of the people that you aspire to.
• 14:46
  It was never your fault.
• 14:48
  And this is what gives me chills, is the research into near death experiences, reports again and again, people returning with the same understanding.
• 14:58
  We came here for a reason.
• 15:01
  And we are so powerful beyond measure.
• 15:06
  That's the power that you hold with within you.
• 15:09
  And you're not here as an accident.
• 15:11
  You have a real role to do.
• 15:16
  And the reason why you're here is because you got fulfill that role.
• 15:19
  You're not a spare part.
• 15:21
  So the work is not to become someone new because of what other people have told us we have to be.
• 15:28
  The work is to widen and lessen the filter so that more of who you are can come through.
• 15:39
  Right now you want to name one belief that's in your filter?
• 15:44
  Finish this sentence honestly.
• 15:46
  It's not safe for me to be seen, because the real you, because.
• 15:54
  And whatever comes up for you, write it down.
• 15:58
  You can't release what what you haven't named.
• 16:01
  You can't release what you're not able to acknowledge.
• 16:07
  And naming it moves it from running you invisibly being afraid to actually see it, to sitting in front of where you are meant to do more in the world, just through being you.
• 16:26
  Let's look at lesson five.
• 16:28
  Your body isn't failing to attract success, it's genuinely rejecting it.
• 16:35
  This is the heart of the whole episode.
• 16:37
  Your system isn't failing to retract the success that you want or to manifest what it is that you want.
• 16:43
  Your system is rejecting it.
• 16:45
  That is the truth.
• 16:46
  Because of the filter.
• 16:48
  The way a body can reject something is it doesn't even recognize it as rejection.
• 16:56
  You know, this moment, your soul, your spirit, you're motivated to do something you really want to do something, but you're.
• 17:05
  And your guidance system is saying, you know, I'm meant to do more.
• 17:09
  I know I can do more, but I don't know why.
• 17:11
  I just can't reach more people.
• 17:13
  Even your mind is saying, I really want to do this.
• 17:16
  I want to do this business.
• 17:17
  I want this visibility.
• 17:19
  I want to put my work in the world, but I just really don't know what it is.
• 17:22
  Maybe, or every time I go to do it, I feel stuck.
• 17:26
  I feel like I can't do it.
• 17:27
  And you can't move, you can't take the action.
• 17:30
  There's a block and you don't know why.
• 17:33
  And you might call yourself lazy, or you might judge yourself in some way and think that you're undisciplined, or you're not good enough as other people can do it.
• 17:42
  But Dr.
• 17:43
  Basil van der Kol wrote a book called many of you might even know.
• 17:48
  It's called the Body Keeps the Score.
• 17:51
  And the title basically says it all.
• 17:53
  Your body remembers every time it wasn't safe to be seen, every single limitation that was put on you.
• 18:01
  Every time you tried to take up space and you wanted to be more of you.
• 18:05
  And your brain filters and your body stops.
• 18:10
  So if somewhere in your body, the future you that you're reaching for still reads this place as I don't belong being there, even though I want it, I don't really feel like I belong there in my body.
• 18:25
  Your body won't let you move forward into it.
• 18:28
  That's not a weakness.
• 18:30
  It's not laziness.
• 18:31
  It's your nervous system doing what it's supposed to do, which is protect you from fulfilling what it is.
• 18:38
  By feeling scared, by feeling like you're not good enough.
• 18:40
  By feeling like maybe no one wants this.
• 18:42
  I'm not going to even try.
• 18:44
  And willpower alone doesn't override it.
• 18:47
  Because the block doesn't live in your thinking.
• 18:51
  It has to be released where it lives in the body.
• 18:55
  And here's the hope in that it was never your emotions that were your problem.
• 19:01
  Not the sadness, not the anger, not the fear.
• 19:05
  It's what you were taught to do with your emotions.
• 19:08
  When an emotion is isn't fully allowed to be felt, maybe you were left alone to feel your own emotions.
• 19:16
  You felt shame and guilt and felt alone doing it all.
• 19:20
  You had to lose the belonging because you felt a certain emotion.
• 19:26
  And it was taught that that's what you have to do.
• 19:29
  That's the punishment to feeling.
• 19:31
  And when an emotion is finally left aloud to be felt, and you feel like, okay, I can feel this emotion.
• 19:42
  The wave of it moves through your body in about 90 seconds.
• 19:47
  It's an observation the neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor made famous.
• 19:53
  Some of what you're carrying has been waiting years for.
• 19:58
  Just 90 seconds of your time.
• 20:01
  Here's the action.
• 20:03
  Pick the thing that you've been avoiding, and instead of forcing yourself to do it, just imagine yourself that you've got there.
• 20:12
  And then notice what happens in your throat, your chest, your stomach, and just feel the feelings.
• 20:19
  Do you feel scared?
• 20:20
  Feel it.
• 20:22
  And then just breathe.
• 20:24
  Just take a deep breath in and breathe out and just locate that block in the body.
• 20:33
  It might be that you have to grieve the past and grieve that you didn't belong so that you can release that from your body.
• 20:43
  Let's move on to lesson number six.
• 20:46
  Imagine that all of us on this earth right now are pieces of, like, an enormous jigsaw puzzle.
• 20:55
  And together, we are creating this earth right now.
• 20:59
  And each one of us is a piece shaped by our unique gifts and what we're here to uniquely do.
• 21:09
  And here's the key.
• 21:11
  A puzzle piece doesn't have to earn its place.
• 21:14
  Its place exists by design.
• 21:17
  And you were given everything you need.
• 21:21
  There's a gap in that picture that only your shape, you can fill.
• 21:28
  But what normally all of us do is we stare at somebody else's shape and think, mine should look like that because I've been taught that I have to do what everybody else does.
• 21:40
  We're being limited.
• 21:41
  We're being told that I can't be me.
• 21:44
  And we spend years focusing on someone else's piece, maybe trying to fix them, change them, get their piece right for them.
• 21:52
  Because we feel like we're giving to the world that way.
• 21:54
  Maybe that's a partner, a boss, a friend.
• 21:57
  We're always trying to fix someone.
• 21:59
  And while we're doing that, our own place in the puzzle is sitting empty.
• 22:07
  Now, here's the deepest programming for many of us, especially for those who've always been the strong one, the reliable one, the one that is there to help everybody else.
• 22:19
  We have been taught to believe that joy is selfish, that other people need me and I can't be happy and I have to do something to help others.
• 22:30
  So withhold.
• 22:31
  We withhold the very thing that we're brilliant at.
• 22:34
  Out of duty, out of guilt, out of trying to please everyone else, out of trying to belong.
• 22:41
  And we call it being good.
• 22:43
  But please hear this carefully.
• 22:45
  Withholding your gift is not generosity.
• 22:49
  It's leaving a gaping hole in the picture.
• 22:52
  Because the thing that lights you up is your peace, is the bit that helps you fulfill and belong to the whole world.
• 23:02
  That's how you become the piece, the shape that you are.
• 23:07
  And when you do what you love and what you're truly good at and you find what allows you to really get understanding of what your value is, you're expressing that life force, energy itself through you.
• 23:24
  And that energy expands.
• 23:26
  It wants to expand.
• 23:27
  That's the nature of nature.
• 23:31
  It expands, it moves out into the world and it makes the world a better place.
• 23:37
  Your enjoyment of what it is that you love doing is your gift is not a private luxury.
• 23:45
  It's a state in which you actually make a difference to the world.
• 23:49
  So the only way through to really own your value, to really understand your value, to know what it is that you're good at uniquely and own it.
• 24:03
  And when you own your value, you can let go of the limits that are placed on you.
• 24:09
  It happens together.
• 24:10
  It's like a dance.
• 24:12
  And you move forward and you refine that and you keep letting go more of your limits because you want to put more of your value out and because you know your value and your worth.
• 24:24
  And you become even better at what you're here to do.
• 24:27
  Not perfect, but you keep refining and becoming.
• 24:32
  That's when you truly make a difference and you fit your piece.
• 24:39
  So your action is to write down three things people consistently come to you for.
• 24:45
  Not what you're qualified in, what people come seeking you out for, and what you're really good at.
• 24:53
  What you really light you up, not drains you.
• 24:56
  That's the shape of your piece that's giving you a clue.
• 24:59
  And most people never really get to that point, which is so sad.
• 25:07
  And this is lesson number seven, the one that you asked for, because it reverses the order what we're taught.
• 25:14
  We thought belonging was a reward.
• 25:17
  If we limit ourselves right?
• 25:19
  We do the work, we create the success, and then we'll finally fit in somewhere actually backwards.
• 25:26
  Belonging isn't the reward at the end of the path.
• 25:30
  Belonging happens when you're walking the path.
• 25:36
  Your body will only move forward towards a future it believes you belong in.
• 25:42
  So let me ask you this directly.
• 25:45
  Where have you been holding yourself back because your nervous system is fearful based on the limitations that we trained to have.
• 25:55
  Avoiding really getting out there with the thing that you uniquely came here to do, truly being yourself.
• 26:02
  Maybe it's that job that you haven't applied for.
• 26:05
  Maybe it's the business you haven't started, maybe you've been made redundant and now you're scared that you're never going to get a job.
• 26:12
  The work that you've been doing, quietly sacrificing yourself for years.
• 26:17
  And you've never let the world truly see your greatness.
• 26:22
  And you know you're holding yourself back on some level.
• 26:25
  And notice sometimes we're not afraid of failing.
• 26:28
  We're afraid of having too much, of impacting too many lives, of how big it might actually get.
• 26:36
  And here's the truth.
• 26:38
  Underneath all the seven lessons you already belong to.
• 26:43
  This energy is running through you in the same way it runs through everything and everyone.
• 26:49
  And you cannot be disqualified from it.
• 26:53
  You're not.
• 26:54
  You became safe, genuinely safe, when you focus on you, on the value you bring, and on allowing more and more and more of it to come out into the world.
• 27:08
  Because then you take your shape in the puzzle and you finally feel like you fit in, because you do.
• 27:15
  You find your people, you make your difference.
• 27:20
  And you notice what happens to the chasing when you express your value.
• 27:25
  You enjoy it.
• 27:26
  You make a difference and the value returns to you.
• 27:30
  Your income, your expansion, your sense of meaning.
• 27:34
  The loop closes on its own.
• 27:37
  You're not chasing anything anymore.
• 27:40
  You're returning to it.
• 27:43
  It's returning to you and it ripples.
• 27:46
  Your impact has a ripple effect across the whole world.
• 27:51
  Your courage gives someone else permission to take their shape.
• 27:55
  And maybe that's what you put out in the world and theirs gives someone else permission.
• 28:00
  And some spiritual voices talk about a new earth that's coming.
• 28:04
  And I hold this belief.
• 28:07
  I think the new earth is simply what happens when everyone is playing their part and expressing their value and loving what they do.
• 28:17
  The love then enters the whole world and we feel that unity of belonging.
• 28:26
  That's how we build a world where there's more compassion, more love, more unity, more safety, more in it to be ourselves not by manifesting harder, but belonging by being ourself.
• 28:41
  So your final action this week is take one visible step this week.
• 28:46
  1.
• 28:47
  Send the application, post the piece of work, get the support that you need.
• 28:52
  Tell one person what you're building.
• 28:55
  Small enough that your body can tolerate it, real enough that the world can start to see it visually.
• 29:04
  That's how you show your nervous system step by step that you belong in the future you're building.
• 29:11
  Those are the seven lessons.
• 29:13
  And if this episode stirred something in you, if you recognize that what's been holding you back was never the lack of desire or effort and you'd like support finding your value releasing your limitations because you don't want to
• 29:29
  waste any more time and you want to cultivate real self love, real self worth and create what you came here to do.
• 29:39
  I've made a free masterclass for you and you'll find it@amoncore.com masterclass and the link is in the show notes and tell me in the comments and message me which of these seven lessons really landed hardest for you.
• 29:56
  I genuinely want to know because it helps me know what I need to go deeper in next time.
• 30:03
  Thank you so much for being here.
• 30:06
  Please do rate this podcast as well if you're finding it really useful.
• 30:11
  You your piece of the puzzle is needed.
• 30:15
  Every single thing you do.
• 30:16
  If you're supporting me, that is needed.
• 30:21
  Just you being exactly who you are is needed.
• 30:24
  And I'm sending you so much love.
• 30:26
  Till next time.