Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 259. Shame-Free Fantasies: Should You Explore Them?

Transcript

259. Shame-Free Fantasies: Should You Explore Them? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Appogiae Production. Welcome to the Sheep Risers Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh and cry and talk about the topics
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: When I asked you, if you hear other people talk
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: about anal, does it help you soften? Because for me
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: it does. If I ever hear someone talk about threesomes
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: and experiences, the hard makes it feel so normal then,
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: because they're so freely about it, I'm like, Oh, it's
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: not so naughty. Yes, everyone does this, like in a
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: group setting, once one person opens up, everyone else has
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: got stories to them, like, oh, this is so much
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: more common than what people think. That's so true. You
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: just don't talk about it.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: That's very true.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: So it's not so naughty. It's just them exploring the sexuality.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: It's just them having fun. It's just got a sex
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: toy in human form, Like it's normalized it. Yeah, it
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: doesn't seem as naughty. When people talk about.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: It, not ad, it's just that people don't talk about it. Yes,
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: the people are doing it, that's whether she just wouldn't
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: know about it. I think that you're alone in it
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: because you're not having the conversation. Yeah, even the conversations
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: we've had open conversation around anything that we'd want to explore,
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: open to what we wouldn't be open to. Even that
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: normalized it. Yes for us, I did like just having
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: the open dialogue and being like, would we explore this?
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Probably not? But do we want to talk about it? Absolutely?
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Do we fantasize about it? Absolutely? Are we going to
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: do it? Do I have the balls? No? Do I
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: have dreams about it? Yes? Yeah, let's talk about dreams
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: because I love talking about sex dreams.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: A couple of like, oh maybe like six months ago,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Steve he asked me, I had had this sex dream
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: about I don't know who he was, but he was hot.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: We did end up having sex in the dream, and
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I was devastated. Anyway, the next night Steve had a
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: dream about this girl. Oh wow, oh wow. Yes. My
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: reaction to like, who is this motherfucker? It was like
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: a healthy jealousy I was like, tell me about her.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: She was like brunette, and he said she was smoking hot.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: And then he was like, we just fucked all night.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my goodness. And I got
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: a bit jealous, but like laughing because it's a dream. Like,
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: it's a dream. He hasn't done anything wrong. Yeah, he
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: had the same dream four nights in a row. I'm like, okay,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: this is reoccurring. I was like, how have you scrolled
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and this gorgeous brunettes popped out? And now
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: she's in your subconscious He's like, honestly, babe, I would
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: tell you if that happened, if it was like, what
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: was the name? Oh my god, he's obsessed with her.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: If it was her, he goes, I would just tell you,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: you know. Yeah. He's like, it's no one I've ever
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: seen before. Yeah, but I could describe to you what
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: she looks like. I don't need the details, babe. Yeah,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Like that's enough. But to me, that was like, oh,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: this feels a bit naughty. And when I wake up
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: from a dream of having sex with someone else, I
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: feel so guilty. Yeah, that feels really naughty to me
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: because I wake up I'm liked. Yeah, it makes you
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: like you've done something. I don't have an orgasm, am
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I wet? Okay, I'm good. How do you like that?
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know, don't like it? I think so so good.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: So he's like, was I there? No? Yeah, like that
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: kind of stuff feels naughty, but like fun.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Isn't it funny though when that happens. I've had that before,
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: feeling guilty after having a moment like that, because you do,
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: you feel like it's almost like a guilty conscience, Like
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I know I haven't physically done anything.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but my psyche is running. Yeah, it just feels edgy.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: It does feel edgy and a bit naughty. Yeah. Yeah,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: So we had a DM come through. She wanted to
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: know how to uncover what is worth exploring with fantasies
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: and what's worth leaving as a fantasy only. I think
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: it's up to the individual. Yeah, but I do love
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: talking about fantasies with Steve because some of them are
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: just that.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Like sometimes I'm like, oh, that sounds so hot and sexy.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Or'll see something in a movie and he's like, is
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: that something you want to do? Like, oh, hell no,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: not for me, Like I don't want to have a
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: mass orgy, but this movie seems really sexy right now.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: But no, way, that's not for me. I don't want
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: to be in a room with ten people having sex
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: like that. No, that's not for me. But the movie
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: scenems enjoyable.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, it's a little bit of a fantasy. But
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I don't act you think I would ever want to
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: go through with that or even entertain that. Yeah. I
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: think it's up to the individual. If you feel like
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: that's actually something you would like to try, then I
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: think that's okay to explore that fantasy. Yeah.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: I think what you just said is so true. It
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: really is so uniquely independent on the individual, and also
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: depends on how you feel about it yourself, because like
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: you could maybe watch something like what you just said
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: and be like, oh, I really enjoyed that, but in
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: real life be like no, Or you could really watch
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: it and be like I feel like I shouldn't do that,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: but I want to do, you know what I mean.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: So it depends on the shame around it.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it depends how you feel about it, what feels
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: safe to do, what feels safe to explore, whether you
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: feel like you have people safe enough to do those
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: things with, Like, I feel like there's so many different
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: parts to that to consider.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: And you've got to be honest with yourself. Like, let's
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: use that situation if as an example, if you watch
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: an orgio threasm or something on TV and you're like, oh,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: that would be really fun. Oh no, no, I don't
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: want to do that. Is that truth for you? Or
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: do you not want to do it because you're scared
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: of what your husband might think of you, scared of
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: what your friends will say, You're scared that you won't
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: be accepted, or you're scared you'll be shamed about it.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: You're going to shame yourself for it. Have you told
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: yourself that that's dirty? Or do you actually just not
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: want to do it because it means there's no shame
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: around it. I don't want to have an orgy, Yes,
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I just know that's not for me. Yeah, but for
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: other people it might be fine. So it's very personal preference. Yeah,
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: personal preference.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: So that's a hard question to answer because it really
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: is the only person who can really answer that is you, Yes,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: you know, for you specifically, because even for the woman
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: who DMS, like, we don't have context of what her
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: personal fantasies are, what her desires are, what her intimacy
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: level is, like you know those sorts of things that
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: we don't know those things.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: At least that's a good example. So for me, I
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: clearly know I do not want to have an orgy.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: But say, there's a show called I've shared on here before.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: It was like me, you and her, I think it was,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: and it was about a throtle relationship. I don't want
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: to thruple relationship, but I loved the dynamic of another girl.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: It was really playful and fun, and I haven't really
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: explored with the girl, but I'm maybe a little bit
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: more curious on that. Whereas an orgy is a hell
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: no for me, there was definitely a bit of a
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: fancy and curiosity with another woman, yeah and Steve, but
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: an orgy is the hell no for me. So there's
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: just two different examples of what we left as like, oh,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: that's hot to watch on TV compared to oh maybe
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: one day yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: See it's funny when you say that, And when I've
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: heard friends of ours who have been in relationships with
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: a thropple, I'm like, oh my god, I'm so curious
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: about that. But then when I think about me being
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: in that, I'm like, I'm way too jealousy. Shit, I'm like,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I just would not be a good partner because I'm like,
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: I already have jealousy traits and like natural insecurity is
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: just like anyone, and sometimes it can be quite strong,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: my jealousy. So I'm like, I imagine having to do
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: it with three people instead of like being an intimate.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: You know, if there's ever anything that does pop into
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: my mind, they're usually fleeting moments, yeah, of like fantasies
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: or things that I might want to experience, or you know,
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: even thoughts of being like, oh would I want to
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: explore that with him one day in the future, you know,
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: and then it's just a fleeting thought. Yeah.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: What about when you were single verse in a relationship.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I can't really speak on this because I've been single
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: since I was freaking like eighteen, But did you have
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: naughtier thoughts or different fantasies when you're single compared to
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: when you're in a relationship. Yes, yeah, absolutely, Okay.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I would say that the fantasy is are
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: more frequent.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: When I'm single. Yes, that would make more sense. You'll
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: think a bad.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: It's like when I'm single, it's more of like a
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: fantasy things that I hear that I read, you know,
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: It's like the Dynamics and the smart books and stuff
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: like that, where I'm like, well, that'd be fun. But
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: because I don't have that in my close immediate so
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I wonder what that would be like.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: So there's a lot more curiosity when I'm single. Makes
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: so much sense, But I also never had the balls
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: to explore.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: Stuff like that and the taste for it, I suppose
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: because when you're in a relationship, you are satisfied in
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: getting so many needs met. Yes, you don't really look
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: outside of that, whereas when you're single, it's like fucking
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: the world's my oyster. Yeah, I can do anything I
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: want with whoever I want, Like literally, what do I
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: feel like today?
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: But I totally didn't even do that. Like for me,
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: I've always wanted to be in a relationship or have
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: an emotional connection with somebody before I do that stuff.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: And it's not shaming anybody who does otherwise.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: But you still have the fantasies about it. I still
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: had the fantasies about it. That's all We're talking about
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: supposed it's more naughty thoughts. Yeah, not necessarily actions, It
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: was just like the thought went there. Oh, the thoughts
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: definitely went there. Yeah, Yeah, that's cool.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: Coming back to what you were saying about, like the
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: sex parties and stuff like speaking of like naughty connotations
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: around the word naughty. I always used to think that
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: that was quite naughty. But I remember thinking and feeling
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: when I was younger, wanting to explore that, but almost
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: like feeling like I shouldn't. Like it was like that, oh, no,
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: you're not allowed to do this because what if people
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: judge you? Yeah, you know, But there was always a
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: curiosity there of just wanting to experience it, even just
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: once to just be like I wonder, I wonder what
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: it looks like because I've never seen it. I can't
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: fathom what it looks like. Not that i'd even like
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: play or interact or any of that stuff. It's always
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: just been a curiosity. I've been quite a curious moment
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: from a young age. Like I started self pleasuring at
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: a young age because I'm just so curious about my
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: body and learning things and feeling things. Yeah, you know,
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: so that kind of like has rolled on as an
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: adult and yeah, I just remember thinking around those things,
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: like I would wonder what it feels like to be
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: in that environment.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: I can't imagine. Yeah, Like, is it like the movies
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: reereyone puts their key? Oh no, that'd be swing, wouldn't
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: They put their keys in a bowl and then they
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: pick out another key, and whoever's keys that is they
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: have to go with that partner they switch partners. Yeah, yeah,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: but that's not a sex party, is it. I'm getting
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: a sex party is different.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: I think that would be a swingers much about it?
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Really heard of a friend of a friend who's been like,
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: I don't even know anyone that's been, No, neither have I.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: We need to get something on. Yeah, I know, if
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: anyone's listening, you've been to a sex party.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: And you know as well, even with this conversation, for
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: anyone who's like potentially listening and maybe even getting triggered
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: at the topics that we're talking about. This is supposed
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: to be a place where we come and we open
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: up the floor to anything to be scared about.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: We don't even know what we're talking about here.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know about a sex No, I'm like,
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: we have no idea, but it's just that nothing is
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: off limits when we open up this conversation. We do
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: that in our friendship, we do that on the podcast,
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: like we want to create that space for you to
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: know that nothing is off limits. No you know, it
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: just creates a really safe place within yourself and also
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: here with us that you know you can or anything
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: that's coming up for you in the moment without needing
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: to make it wrong exactly.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: And one of our words this year is curiosity, like
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: always to leave. Curiosity is like poppets on your mind
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: or you're curious about it, research it, look it up,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: flock people, ask questions, try things like you should get
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: one life, delive it.