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Be Kind And Practice Self Compassion · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: And today I want to tackle the subject of how you can be kind to your mind and embrace self-compassion and why that would even matter.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: This um idea of self-compassion has been it's been something that I've talked about a lot.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: I believe wholeheartedly in it, something that I've learned over time and continue to learn how to practice.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Um, especially being a high achiever and a perfectionist, there's this sense of constantly wanting to push yourself.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: But moreover, even in just client sessions recently, people going through different losses and grief, self-compassion is such an important part of the healing process.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, when we constantly criticize ourselves or we engage in negative messages to the subconscious, um, we end up taking a hit emotionally and mentally.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: Likewise, if we're going through a loss or grief and we beat ourselves up over why we can't get over it so quickly, we're once again putting ourselves into this place of negative thoughts about self.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: And that can cause us to take a real hit from that emotional mental standpoint.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: And what that ends up doing is it can result in things like anxiety, depression, uh, numbing through addictive behaviors such as drug abuse.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Or I've had definitely have had clients talk about disordered eating that has been a result of the constant criticism or just the the beating of oneself up, that constant judgment.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so often we're already dealing with what we perceive as judgment from the outside world, but when we go inside and are constantly judging ourselves, that prolonged amount of judgment and stress can absolutely throw off things within our own system.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: Our own hormones get thrown off.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, the ability for our immune system to fight things off that gets thrown off.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, our physical body takes a hit from our muscle tension that we're constantly having.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're under that chronic stress and that chronic cortisol, higher cortisol levels, it can absolutely cause an imbalance and have the um lack of being able to cope and it brings down your resiliency factor.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the question often comes up, well, why?
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  SPEAKER_01: Why am I harder on myself?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: And it's because as individuals, we have standards for ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_01: We have the the desire to be the best version of ourselves, but sometimes we do put unrealistic expectations on ourselves.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And when we fail to meet those high standards, we tend to feel undeserving of love.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: We tend to feel undeserving of the things that we have.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: We that think that we're we don't deserve respect.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: We start to punish ourselves and judge ourselves.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and truth be told, too, if we are the result of maybe overcritically criticizing parents or just um caregivers that were overly critical, that could also be a contributing factor.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's never about let's figure out who to blame.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's always about, okay, this is what's happening for me, and how and what can I do to change the story in the narrative.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just start with the idea of or the concept of self-compassion, because for those of you who haven't heard about it, you know, self-compassion is an act is a very critical part of how we can move from one narrative to another, and what it really entails is kindness over judgment, first and foremost.
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  SPEAKER_01: So that really means being kind to yourself over constantly judging yourself.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Kristen Neff, who is a pioneer in this resort research, um talks about the three pillars.
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  SPEAKER_01: So the first one she says is kindness over judgment.
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  SPEAKER_01: The second one is common humanity.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: And what she means by that, or where I glean that she means by that, is that it's it's the opposite of isolation.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's recognizing that we are part of this common humanity, that people have had similar experiences to us, while not necessarily the same exact experience, because of course our thoughts and feelings about a situation create our reality, but they've had similar experiences and we don't have to isolate, we don't have to go alone.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, the third one is mindfulness, as opposed to over-identification.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: So, what's that really meaning, what that really means is being in this present moment, but not getting caught up in infusing with what we're going through, as well as not pushing away feelings and thoughts, but being in this present moment, really noticing what's happening for us and then giving ourselves permission to work through it, recognizing and saying things like, this is a hard moment, this is a challenging moment, versus trying to just muscle through it or judge ourselves through it.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: So, what are some ways that you can learn to be kind and embrace self-compassion?
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  SPEAKER_01: The first one is so is to learn to advocate for yourself.
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  SPEAKER_01: You know, stand up for yourself.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's not about being aggressive, but it is about recognizing what you need and what you want and being able to express those needs to other people.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: Treat yourself with kindness, you know, recognize how you're talking to yourself.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: Though, you know, it's one thing when the external world can be harsh, but as I said before, it's even more difficult when we are being hard on ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_01: So give yourself permission to talk to yourself with kind words.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: You know, give yourself some small little rewards for the things that you are doing and not just doing and accomplishing, but give yourself acknowledgement for how you're showing up.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: The third is to confront those difficult feelings and emotions.
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  SPEAKER_01: It's really important when we're practicing self-compassion for us to name and recognize that it's okay to say this is difficult and this is challenging or this is what I'm feeling.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: Again, self-compassion says bring it all in rather than trying to push it away.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: And again, and as I mentioned before, you know, giving yourself permission to recognize your achievements and successes.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I always say this in combination with don't just look at what you're achieving and succeeding at, but also do it with how are you showing up and who are you and acknowledge yourself for who you are as you are ex you are succeeding in in accomplishing those those tasks and having those achievements.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Take care of your physical body, you know, pay attention to what your body's telling you.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: Take some time to maybe yes, exercise, but also meditate or stretch or do yoga or just simply stay hydrated and pay attention to how you're eating.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Sleep is a huge one.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I know this one gets a lot of people either they have trouble falling asleep, sometimes they wake up in the middle of the night, they're getting up early.
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  SPEAKER_01: It is important to come up with a routine that gets you enough sleep and give yourself permission to take rest when you need it.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: When you need to slow down, it's okay to slow down.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really important also to learn about self-forgiveness and recognize when you might be shaming yourself.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: And it's important to go through the process of witnessing what's going on for you so that you can get through this process of self-forgiveness and then share that kindness with others.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: So as you treat others kindly, treat yourself that way, and as you treat yourself with kindness, treat others that way.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Allow yourself to set goals, but also allow yourself to potentially fail at them without beating yourself up.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And just look at failure as an option and an opportunity to grow.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: What did I learn here and how can I use this to move forward?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Releasing the idea that everything has to be perfect or that you have to be perfect, and giving yourself permission to just be present in the moment.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, for I think I believe I I cited this research before in one of my earlier podcasts, but you know, 47% of our day in research, it's been found that in 40% 47% of our day we spend either in the then or the there.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: And really, self-compassion is all about being in the present moment.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: I actually put together an 86-page uh ebook that's available on my website about self-compassion, what it is, how we can practice it, some of the stumbling blocks along the way.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: So definitely feel free to check that out on my website at comedywood.com.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, if you'd like to talk about this or anything else with me and would like to talk about how coaching could support you in the process, feel free to reach out at any time and book a time to talk with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit our website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.