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Transcript

How to Use Spirituality in Recovery - Why Willpower Alone Isn’t Enough · Recovering Out Loud

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Today I'm going to be talking about spirituality.
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I know what you're thinking already.
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I don't believe in God. I was brought up Catholic or
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Christian and fuck all that shit.
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I don't. God ruined my life or church
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ruined my life. There's a big difference between
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spirituality and religion. Religion is for people who are
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scared to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who
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have been to hell and don't want to go back.
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I think you and I have been to hell.
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If you're anything like me, you've been to hell many times.
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So what you're going to get out of today's episode is my
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perception on spirituality and what it does for me.
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We're going to talk about what is spirituality?
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What is spirituality in recovery and why is it important in
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recovery? Spiritual void and addiction.
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Practical spiritual tools that you can connect with.
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The power greater than yourself or something greater than you.
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Spiritual growth through pain and then my personal experience
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with spirituality, how it's grown from when I first came in
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to 8 years of recovery to now almost a year again, sober and
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clean. And then how to build a
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spiritual practice if you're new.
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What I hope that you get out of this episode is simply this.
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I want people. I hope that people see things
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differently after this. Shift your perspective.
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Keep an open mind with this episode.
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OK, I'm going to be saying the word God a lot.
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And when I say God, I just mean my perception of God, my higher
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power. I call it God because it's easy.
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It's a 3 letter word. You can use great outdoors, good
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orderly direction, group of drunks if you go to recovery
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meetings. And you use the power of other
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people, a collective of consciousness as your power,
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your guiding force. It's simple, It's a guiding
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force. It's an inner teacher.
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I believe in every man, woman and child.
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There is this idea of God, this idea of spirituality.
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When we're living in addiction, we're just not tapped into it.
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And I believe that everybody has a longing for this connection.
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We're just asleep most of the time.
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So I challenge you, wake up. Conscious contact with a power
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greater than yourself will do wonders for you in recovery, in
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life in general. But it has done wonders for me
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and I'm going to explain how. So again, spirituality is not
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dogma, it's not religion, it's connection, meaning, and it's
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things that help us stay grounded when things get loud in
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life. It's a lighthouse, a North star
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if you will. Again.
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Hi I'm Anthony, I'm an addict and alcoholic in recovery.
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I came into recovery in 2015. I put together 8 years clean and
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sober. I relapsed after at the year
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mark went out and did some more research, don't recommend it.
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Now I'm back, I work at a rehab, I'm an admissions counselor, I
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am. I also create videos on social
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media. If you're not following me yet
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at Recovering Out Loud pod, I do some funny stuff, some tips,
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some tools, some relatable stuff.
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Hopefully you get something out of it if you like my content.
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I am not making any money off this.
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I do it solely out of the service to stay sober myself and
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to help the still suffering addict alcoholic.
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Please like, subscribe, follow, rate the podcast.
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It means so much to me. Please.
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So my intention today is not to make you believe in anything
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specific. It's about exploring what keeps
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you sober when your willpower isn't enough.
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I can't explain my idea of God. I just know that there's some
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sort of force out there that guides me through my days and
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keeps me on the right path when I choose to listen to it.
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I see the miracles all around me when I choose to block myself
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off from it and live an ego and control everything and do things
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my way and try to manipulate outcomes to suit me.
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I am asleep. I am not in contact with a power
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greater than myself, which I call God.
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I don't go to church. I'm not religious.
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I grew up Catholic but I haven't been to church in forever so I
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don't know. I'm a spiritual person, I follow
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the path that I believe is laid out for me and that involves
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service to others. That that is my sole purpose on
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this earth is to be of service to other people.
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Because when I am in service to other people, things just tend
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to go a lot better for me. And the alcoholic, an addict is
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a self-centered creature, right? We are always thinking about
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ourselves. I'm always thinking about how to
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please me, how to get my way and if I, you know, I avoid a lot of
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situations that don't cater to me if left unchecked.
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So let's check that today. There's no perfection or purity
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here. There's no better than there's
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no gurus. There's no pretending life is
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easy and I'm perfect. It's progress, not perfection.
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So a lot of people walk into recovery and they hear God and
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they run away. Like I said, they are scared of
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this idea of religion. It's not religion, it's a power
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you choose. It's just not you.
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Simple as that. A lot of people talk about
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turning your will in your life, your thoughts, and your actions
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over to a care of a higher power.
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Turn it over to something more qualified.
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My higher power, my God, my directing force is a more
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qualified thing than I am entity force.
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I let it run the show. I'm just a janitor in the play
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mopping the floor. That's it.
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I'm a role player that keeps me grounded and it really does help
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me in my my spiritual path, but also my recovery.
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So spirituality can be as simple as just tools for grounding,
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meaning and alignment. What a great word.
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Alignment, self-awareness, right?
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Knowing yourself in recovery, when I'm acting up and I'm being
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selfish, knowing my part in all situations, apologizing and
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making amends for things that I do by mistakes that I make.
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All right, So what spirituality is in recovery?
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It's a connection to something bigger than you, full stop.
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Bigger than your impulsive brain.
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When I run the show, this is the way I like to explain it to
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people. When I run the show, when I do
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things my way, I end up kicked out of my house in hotel rooms,
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doing cocaine until all hours of the morning by myself every
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single time. Gives you a sense of purpose.
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Spirituality. Why am I staying sober?
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It practices that you slow down enough to hear yourself think to
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get your ego out of the way, right?
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They're going to be talking a lot about ego today too, because
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ego is the thing that keeps me disconnected, keeps me untapped.
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There are two types of people in this world.
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Those who are tapped in and those who are not tapped in.
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People that are tapped in are living in service.
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They're not selfish. They're not running life
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according to them. They pause before they react.
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People that are untapped are selfish, running on self will,
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doing bad things, stealing, manipulating, lying, cheating.
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People that are tapped in or able to accept circumstances
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they they control what they can control and leave the results up
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to the universe. Spirituality also connects you
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to your values, integrity, honesty, courage, service, and
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you're building inner resources instead of relying on substances
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for emotional regulation. Wow, powerful.
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What a gift. Before I came into recovery, I
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was turning my will and my life, so my thoughts and my actions
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over to the bottle, over to the drugs.
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Whenever I had a problem, an emotion, a discomfort, an
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disease, and unease about me, whenever that cropped up, what
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did we do? We took drugs or drank.
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I used to turn all my problems, my will and my life over to
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substances. Now I come into recovery, I got
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to replace that with something, and it can't be a material
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thing. It cannot be an external thing.
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It has to come from within. It has to be an intrinsic
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motivator. Why not a force greater than
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you? Why not the universe?
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Why not a power greater than yourself?
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Today when a problem arises, I literally picture myself
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grabbing the problem, turning it over to the universe, and
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letting the outcome take care of itself.
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It doesn't mean that I don't go to work, I don't show up to
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school, I don't do the do things journal, connect with my higher
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power. It just means that I leave the
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outcomes up to God, up to the universe.
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So from an evidence based perspective, many recovery
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models emphasize spirituality because it reduces isolation,
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increases resilience, and supports long term behavior
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change. There's a lot of research about
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positive psychological reactions from trusting in a power greater
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than yourself or having hope and faith.
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It's a trust that things are going to work out if you keep
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doing the next right thing, if you keep staying sober.
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I trust I don't know the next chapter, but I trust the author
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right. I trust that it's going to work
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out if I just keep doing what I'm doing, if I keep on the
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recovery path, if I keep helping others.
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Things tend to turn out beneficial in my life.
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I do it because it makes me happy.
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It makes me content. I'm not worrying about the fact
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that I don't have enough money to buy groceries or that I don't
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particularly like school. I just trust that it's going to
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work out the plan. So whenever this anxiety comes
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up, I just turn it over. Universe, you handle this while
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I work on, you know, I'll check back in with you tomorrow.
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You handle this, I'll check back in with you tomorrow.
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And then in that silence, that's when the answer comes.
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Every single time. It's hard to do.
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Sometimes you want to turn over some things and not others,
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right? If I turn over everything in my
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life today, every problem, every emotion, it tends to work out.
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And that's not avoiding it either.
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I don't avoid it. I sit with it instead of sitting
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in it. I'll check back in with you
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later. Just it's like going into a
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movie and before you go into the movie, you take your problem and
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you leave it at the door, right? Your anxiety, your fear, your
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money problem, your worry about the future, your fear of the
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future. You leave it at the door.
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You go watch the movie and when you come back out, suddenly you
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have a new perspective and you know how to handle that problem.
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That's what spirituality does for me today.
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OK, so the spiritual void in addiction.
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So addiction shrinks your world. You get this tunnel vision, this
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disconnection, loss of purpose. You're only focusing on pleasing
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yourself. I'm only focusing on pleasing
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me. Getting high, getting drunk.
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It's starts with shame, it turns into hiding, into isolation.
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The real addiction is often escape, not the substances,
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right? I'm not looking to get high, I'm
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looking to escape reality. I'm looking to turn my problems
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over. Like I said, I'm looking to
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check out spirituality fills that void that we have an
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addiction by giving you direction, rebuilding your
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identity, learning about yourself.
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Like I said, the self examination, honest self
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appraisal, reconnecting you with other people because my higher
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power, my God, speaks through other people creating meaning
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out of pain. So all the bad things that
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happened in my life, life has lived forward and understood in
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reverse. How many times have bad things
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happened in my life where they've turned out to be the
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greatest gifts ever? I just haven't seen it at the
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time because my perspective was skewed.
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As time passes, my perspective changes.
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My perception changes. That's what spirituality does.
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That's what recovery does. It changes your perception.
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I wake up every morning looking to shift my perception.
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Maybe I'm wrong. My biggest problem today is I'm
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right, Right? Whenever I think something has
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to go a certain way, or the answer is clearly this, I'm in a
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world of trouble. Addiction disconnects you from
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yourself. Recovery reconnects you.
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Spirituality is the bridge, the catalyst.
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All right? It's practical spiritual tools.
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So here's some ways to connect with your spirituality, connect
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with yourself, Stillness and mindfulness.
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So we've heard of meditation, breathing exercises, grounding
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techniques, sitting in a chair and just breathing.
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As the thoughts come into your mind, as they will, as they
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always do, you picture them. I had a therapist telling me
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this once. Picture your thoughts when
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you're meditating as clouds and bubbles just floating by.
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Those are your thoughts. Or if you're a computer person,
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you're deleting the thoughts. On a computer, you're slowly 1
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by 1, erasing the words. Let it pass through you.
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Why it works. It reduces impulsivity,
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increases emotional regulation. It creates meditation, creates a
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pause between action and reaction.
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I don't react when I get cut off in traffic.
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I mean, I, I do, but I'm working on it and it's something that I
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work towards, right? It creates a space for you to
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react, respond, not react. Second thing is gratitude and
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perspective shifts. So first thing was stillness and
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mindfulness. Now gratitude and perspective
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shifts. The brain literally rewires when
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gratitude is practiced constantly.
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So that's a gratitude list. Every morning, three things I'm
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grateful for Coffee, my podcast and my wife do that everyday and
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come up with new things. I'm grateful for my legs.
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I'm grateful for the fact that I have a home with heat.
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It helps gratitude lists and perspective shifts help you
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shift from surviving to living in the moments.
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That's the important thing. Yesterday and tomorrow don't
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exist, but we love to live there.
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Now is the only time. The presence is the only time
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that exists. God doesn't exist in the future
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or in the past. God is only right here.
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That's how I connect to it him, whatever you want to call it,
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the universe. All right.
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See community and service. Service reduces self-centered
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thinking. So when I'm helping somebody
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else is still suffering, alcoholic, an addict, when I'm
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in their shit, I'm out of my my shit.
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I'm not thinking about me and my poor life.
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My problem, I'm trying to help them.
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Community provides belonging. The opposite of addiction is
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connection. So when I'm connected to other
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people, when I'm in Group settings or sitting down with
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another person, addict, alcoholic, someone struggling,
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I'm connected. I'm like, I'm not ruminating
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about my poor life. All right, next meaning making.
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So D meaning making, turning your story into something that
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helps others. Oh, I love this one.
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If you were sexually abused as a child, this is just an example.
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This might sound a little extreme to you, but it's true.
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I know a lot of people that were abused as as children and
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they've taken that. They're survivors.
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They're not victims. They've shifted their mentality,
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their mindset around it. They now have an experience, as
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horrible as it is, can help somebody else that's been
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through that. What a gift.
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If you've been through serious trauma in your life, you now
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have the opportunity to be of service to somebody else that's
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been through the exact same thing.
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That's a free purpose card. God just hooked you the fuck up.
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I know it doesn't seem like it. Maybe that sounds outlandish and
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crazy to you, but you can be of service to somebody.
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That's been what where you have been, that's been through what
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you have been where nobody else can.
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It helps you understand the why behind your sobriety.
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I've been through some shit. Now I can use that experience.
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Relapsing after eight years is a perfect example.
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I can use that experience to help others avoid that horrible
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situation and not relapse after long term recovery.
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Because it's a fucking horrible experience.
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I spent four months of using every single day before I came
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back into recovery. Hotel rooms, Airbnb's, using by
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myself. Nobody wanted to hang out with
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me, going to bars by myself. It was horrible.
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Next one is surrender and acceptance.
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So letting go of control addicts and Alcoholics.
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We love control man. Oh my God, we love control.
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I want to be able to control everything.
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If you're not living according to my script, you're not doing
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things my way. I have a resentment towards you.
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I can rearrange that and unlearn that behavior and help other
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people Let go. If recovery, If I had to recover
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sum up recovery in 2 words, it would be that let go.
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You let go of the drinking and the drugging.
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Now you got to let go of your thinking, your will, your
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actions, your selfishness, your poor behavior, your lying and
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cheating and stealing. You let it go.
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Your problems, you let it go. Let somebody more qualified deal
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with it. A power greater than yourself.
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Accepting reality without collapsing into hopelessness.
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Right? This is the a good one.
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When things happened in my life, am I able to just accept them?
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The faster I'm able to accept things in my life, outcomes,
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situation, circumstances, the better off I'll be.
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And that doesn't mean that doesn't mean I get to, you know,
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I have to be a doormat. It just, I can accept things
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that I can't control, like gas prices or the Prime Minister or
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laws that are being passed or the fact that some people still
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think addiction is a choice and not a disease.
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I can let that go and I can just say I'm a role player playing my
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role. I'm on my my spiritual path,
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thank God. Thank God I am not playing that
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person's role today. The angry man at work yelling at
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everybody and screaming and being miserable all the time.
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Thank God I don't have to play that role today.
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Another thing that helps me with when people piss me off.
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This might help you too. Alex Hermosi said it.
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It's when somebody does something that I don't agree
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with or vice versa. But when someone does something
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that pisses me off, I can simply now say to myself before
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reacting because I want to react all the time.
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I want to tell them how they're wrong and I want to be passive
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aggressive and embarrass them about it.
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That person is simply not living in a way in which I would
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prefer. That person is simply not living
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in a way in which I would prefer.
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And vice versa, when I piss somebody else off, or somebody
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doesn't like me or the things that I'm doing, I am not living
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in a way in which they would prefer.
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Wow, who would have thought? I can disagree with people
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respectfully and live and let live, not comment on their
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behavior. All right, so just to recap that
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one practical spiritual tools. We talked about stillness and
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mindfulness, gratitude and perspective shifts, community
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and service meaning making. Surrender and acceptance.
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That's a big one. Surrender and acceptance.
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If you can surrender and accept your life on a daily basis, it
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doesn't mean that you don't have to do anything to change it.
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I have no control over so many things in this world, especially
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outcomes. Control what you can control.
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Leave the rest up to God, to the universe, to your higher power.
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OK, next, spiritual growth through pain.
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That's a tough one. Pain is the touchstone of all
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spiritual growth. Trauma, loss, relapses all
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become teachers and experiences where you can help others.
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Pain is a catalyst for awakening.
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A lot of the time I have to screw up multiple times before I
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learn a lesson. For example, not telling the
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truth. I relapsed after eight years
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because I wasn't honest with myself and I wasn't honest with
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other people. So I had to scrape my knee
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constantly before I learned that lesson where it was like, I
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can't even tell a white lie today.
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I can't because one lie spirals and it starts this little spark
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and then it turns into a fire that I'm hiding behind my house.
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I can't lie because when I do, things just go in a horrible
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direction and then I'm using drugs and drinking again because
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I'm so ashamed about the lie that I've spun up, the story
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that I've spun up. When everything else falls
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apart, when the world is collapsing, the sky is falling,
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spirituality becomes the anchor. I don't know why you're doing
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this to me, world, universe, God, but I trust you.
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I trust the plan. It's for a reason.
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The question that changes my recovery, changed my recovery is
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what is this trying to teach me? It's tough one to wrap your head
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around, but when you're in it and you're going through it and
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you're struggling, what is this trying to teach me?
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There is a lesson here. There's a silver lining.
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There's a reason this is happening.
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I need to learn something or unlearn something.
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Using drugs and alcohol and constantly being out there is a
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perfect example of this. I tried every single concoction
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of medication and drugs to so that I could safely use without
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going off the deep end and using a whole bottle of prescription
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pills. Failed every time I thought I
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could control it. Had to scrape my knee.
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Finally learned I have lost my right to chemical Peace of Mind.
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I can't use outside things to change my insides even though I
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want to. Doesn't work.
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I have no control once I take one with everything.
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All mood and mind altering substances.
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I had to relearn that and it was hard and painful but it taught
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me a lot. My relapse taught me a lot.
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OK, next, my personal experience.
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So spirituality to me in early recovery, I don't know, I just,
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I came in and when I first came into recovery in 2015, all these
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people I was hanging around with were talking about God and I
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didn't really understand it. I didn't have a problem with it
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because I wasn't an atheist or I grew up, you know, like I said,
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in the Catholic Church. So I was intrigued because all
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the people that were talking about God had 2010, twenty,
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30-40 years of sobriety and they were all happy all the time.
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I didn't know what they had, but I wanted it.
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And if you want what we have, you have to do what we did.
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So I was interested. I was intrigued.
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There have been many moments in my sobriety where spirituality
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saved the day. I mean.
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Honestly, every day when I have problems or anxieties or fear, I
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literally pause and I stop and I talk to my higher power.
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I pray, I turn it over, take this from me, work on it, I'll
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check back in with you. And it works.
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It honestly does. And yeah, your definition of
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spirituality will change over time.
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Your relationship with your higher power will change over
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time. I talk to mine all day, every
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morning, every night. I thank him every day for
20:30
another day sober. And then in the morning, I asked
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him to guide me. I asked him to help me do the
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next right thing, to be of service, to get out of my my own
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way, to get out of ego, to stop being selfish.
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So for me, prayer every morning, prayer every night, and then
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some meditation here and there. You don't have to do that, but
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that's what works for me. OK, How to build a spiritual
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practice if you're new. So start simple. 3 minutes of
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breath work. Use insight timers and app that
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I use for guided meditation. If you're squirrely like me,
20:59
let's put your headphones in and listen to some guided
21:01
meditations. Journaling is another one.
21:03
I do that every day. I journal whatever's on my mind.
21:05
It helps with creativity. It also helps get the shit out
21:08
of my head. Write down what I'm grateful for
21:10
and I also clear my mind. I free write, free hand, write
21:13
two or three pages, try new things if you're new or be open
21:17
minded. All you need to get sober is
21:19
honesty, honesty, open mindedness, and willingness.
21:22
How do I get sober? How, HOW honesty, open
21:26
mindedness, willingness, I got to be willing to try new things
21:30
that other people are doing and it's working for them.
21:33
The best part is it's free. There's no strings attached.
21:36
It's just you got to just wrap your head around, maybe I'm
21:39
wrong, maybe I don't have all the answers to living a good
21:42
sober life. And then create your own
21:44
conception of a higher power. You can whatever you want.
21:47
I've heard people have their dogs or their, you know,
21:50
deceased parents be their higher power.
21:52
It doesn't have to be the guy. It's definitely not the guy with
21:55
the beard in the sky. It doesn't have to be the judo,
21:57
Christian, judeo-christian version.
22:00
You choose your own conception. It could just be nature, the
22:04
universe, a guiding force, the force from the force from Star
22:08
Wars. I really want to encourage,
22:10
encourage curiosity here. Ask more questions.
22:13
You don't have all the answers and that's OK.
22:15
Try new things, you know, Learn how to play the piano.
22:18
Be a beginner mindset in early recovery.
22:21
Be a sponge. Spirituality is a skill, not a
22:25
switch. It's not a performance, it's a
22:27
learned skill that comes with repetition and practice.
22:30
OK, so in closing, spirituality equals connection, meaning,
22:34
grounding and purpose. It's something you won't want to
22:37
miss, OK? I believe me.
22:39
It is a beautiful thing to be connected to a power greater
22:43
than yourself. Spirituality grows as you grow,
22:46
so if you haven't figured it out yet or you don't know what it
22:48
is, that's OK. It'll grow over time with
22:50
practice and I still can't define mine.
22:53
I still can't explain it to you. It's just things in my life
22:57
happen that seem to line up sometimes or I'm like, was it
22:59
odd or was it God right? Was it a coincidence or is this
23:04
part of the plan? Getting a job at the rehab that
23:06
I worked at is a perfect example.
23:08
I was about to I hated my old job and I got a call from a
23:11
friend of mine that owns the rehab and he offered me a job
23:14
like almost perfectly in in time with when I was thinking about
23:19
leaving my other job. Now I work at the rehab.
23:21
I love it. I absolutely love it.
23:23
There is a plan for you just got to pay attention to it and be
23:27
open and willing and clear your head of all the perception
23:31
problems we don't have. I don't have problems today.
23:34
I have perception bad perception.
23:36
I'm looking at things wrong. I'm looking at the glass half
23:39
empty all the time, not half full.
23:42
I encourage you to find something that brings you peace.
23:45
So a place, a quiet, a home, sort of feeling this like out in
23:50
nature, you're connected, hiking, whatever it may be, find
23:53
that place, find that thing. What what's one thing that makes
23:56
you feel connected today? Could be people, could be
23:59
coffee, could be going for a walk, could be praying,
24:03
meditating. All right guys, that's it for
24:05
me. Thank you so much again for
24:06
listening and subscribing. Thank you to all my loyal
24:09
subscribers and listeners and DM me on Instagram at Recovering
24:13
out Loud pod. I answer every single DM of mine
24:16
probably because I'm not that big yet and when I get bigger, I
24:20
might not be able to answer everybody.
24:21
But right now I honestly, I look at every single message.
24:23
So if you're struggling, if you want me to talk about something,
24:26
if you want to come on the podcast more than willing to
24:29
have you, just send me a message.
24:31
Remember, recovery is simple, not easy.