Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Authenticity, Boundaries & the Power of Saying No with Andrea Pass

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Authenticity, Boundaries & the Power of Saying No with Andrea Pass · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:01
  Hello and welcome to this episode on the Field Podcast.
• 0:06
  I'm your host, Melissa Crook. Today we have authenticity,
• 0:10
  boundaries and the power of saying no with Andrea Pass.
• 0:14
  Today's ways to engage with this episode are create a schedule of
• 0:19
  when you're available and when you're not, and set boundaries
• 0:24
  for this. What can wait until tomorrow?
• 0:27
  What needs to be done today? Which items on your list are a
• 0:31
  priority? Or are they just things that are
• 0:36
  taking up space that you don't necessarily need to tend to
• 0:39
  right now? When it comes to work,
• 0:42
  boundaries and time management go hand in hand, and this can
• 0:47
  change everything for you. Saying no is OK.
• 0:51
  Thanks so much. We hope this gives you some ways
• 0:54
  to engage and think about today's really, really great
• 0:58
  episode. So many insightful, wise
• 1:00
  resources from our friend Andrea Pass Thanks so much for being
• 1:05
  with us. Hello, welcome back to the Field
• 1:24
  podcast. This week I am with a friend
• 1:26
  that I met back in 2024 and we got together and had a great
• 1:31
  conversation. She'd reached out to me about
• 1:34
  the podcast and possibly being guests, but she also has great
• 1:37
  resources that are very helpful to women, to businesses, to
• 1:42
  people starting out. But I just got to know her and I
• 1:45
  was like, I hope I can use you sometime.
• 1:49
  But also I would love to have you on the podcast as a guest.
• 1:52
  You will. You have so much to offer as a
• 1:55
  woman, as a person, that I would love to share your voice and let
• 1:59
  your our listeners get to know you.
• 2:01
  So I've got Andrea Pass here with me today and she is joining
• 2:06
  me from the East Coast. I'm in California and she
• 2:10
  describes herself as honest, authentic, hard working,
• 2:14
  commutative, friendly, responsible, thorough, caring
• 2:19
  and strategic. And I love it when people know
• 2:24
  themselves so well where they can really describe themselves
• 2:29
  by those character traits that represent who they are.
• 2:33
  And because so many times we want to describe ourselves by
• 2:37
  what we do. And I that's why I like starting
• 2:40
  this. So I love it when someone is
• 2:41
  like, I know these because sometimes it's not an easy thing
• 2:44
  to come up with because we're not conditioned to think about
• 2:48
  ourselves in that way. We're conditioned to think about
• 2:50
  ourselves in terms of our roles and responsibilities.
• 2:54
  But Andrea had no problem with this.
• 2:56
  Andrea, welcome to the Field podcast.
• 2:59
  Thank you, Melissa. I really appreciate you having
• 3:01
  me. I'm happy to have you, let's get
• 3:04
  right into it. Talk to me about prioritizing
• 3:07
  self-care in your life and what your journey has been like in
• 3:11
  that context. Because that's not something
• 3:14
  that as little girls were told about necessarily right away.
• 3:19
  So at some point we got to figure out, oh, wait a minute, I
• 3:21
  got to take care of me if I'm going to be the best, best
• 3:24
  version of me for everybody else and myself.
• 3:28
  You know, exactly, you know, as a female entrepreneur, and we
• 3:33
  shouldn't have to say female entrepreneur, but in today's
• 3:37
  busy world we do. And you know, as a woman who is
• 3:42
  running a business and juggling family needs and juggling
• 3:49
  organization life and juggling things in the home and juggling,
• 3:54
  I mean, we are jugglers. And I always say ask a busy
• 3:58
  woman because as a busy woman we could throw another ball in
• 4:02
  there. We just have the ability to do
• 4:04
  that. But sometimes when we are
• 4:07
  juggling, we forget about ourselves and we we always want
• 4:13
  to say yes. And it's very hard to say no.
• 4:17
  And whether it comes to business or personal, that's the longest
• 4:22
  sentence in the English language is no.
• 4:24
  And I think as the owner of Andrea passed public relations,
• 4:28
  I've actually said no to certain business.
• 4:31
  I realized it wasn't the right fit for me, but it took a long
• 4:36
  time. I was so busy saying yes to
• 4:38
  everybody that to finally say no was just a whole different
• 4:44
  experience. And then setting those
• 4:47
  boundaries in business so that I do have time for the personal.
• 4:52
  Yeah. Well, I think that that figuring
• 4:56
  it out in business, how much you want and how many hours a day
• 5:00
  you're going to work and are you going to be working at night and
• 5:02
  are you going to be working on the weekends?
• 5:05
  And how much can your clients have access to you?
• 5:08
  And when do you say to your clients, I'm going on vacation,
• 5:13
  you know, I will check emails, but I will be off the grid
• 5:16
  basically from this day to this day.
• 5:18
  So I think that there's so much to talk about here, but
• 5:23
  recognizing that we are female business owners, women business
• 5:28
  owners, we got more on our plate.
• 5:31
  Yeah, absolutely. And.
• 5:34
  You I think when you don't say no to something, you're just
• 5:38
  saying yes. It's hard for you to delineate
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  and slow down long enough to determine whose values that I'm
• 5:45
  working with really align with my values.
• 5:47
  Is this actually a good fit? And it can be hard because
• 5:51
  sometimes fear can feel that I got to say yes to everything.
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  I can't say no to any opportunity.
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  But you sit on that important thing, if the match is so
• 6:01
  important, because you're only going to be able to do your best
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  work with and for someone who you feel aligned with in some
• 6:09
  kind of a way. And so being able to trust
• 6:12
  yourself enough, like, no, I'm going to trust myself on this
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  one because I think trusting yourself is a component of
• 6:20
  self-care and caring for yourself.
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  And you know, I've really believed that and you're able to
• 6:25
  do that. How long do you think it took
• 6:27
  you to get there? You talked about, you used to
• 6:29
  say yes and then do you say how, how much time and experience do
• 6:33
  you think it took you before you got to that moment?
• 6:35
  Well, I think I can go back and I was working for a bully boss a
• 6:41
  number of years ago. I was the vice president of
• 6:44
  media relations at a public relations firm.
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  I was bringing in major clients. I was managing the clients,
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  managing the staff, The most senior person on the staff
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  reporting to the owner of the company.
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  And he believed me. He bullied everybody.
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  He was just a bully, bully, bully, bully, boss.
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  And I used to joke that I would be so skinny if I lost weight
• 7:06
  crying because I was crying all the time.
• 7:10
  But I think it took that experience.
• 7:15
  For. Me to recognize myself worth and
• 7:19
  for me to then say I've got to learn to say no and to make that
• 7:25
  time for myself. And when I finally got the
• 7:29
  strength to say I'm leaving this environment and and left and he
• 7:36
  bullied me until my last minute. And and even after I left, he
• 7:41
  bullied me. But to recognize that that's
• 7:44
  when I got stronger. That's when I realized that I
• 7:48
  put up with all of this. Yes.
• 7:50
  Did I have a great salary? Yeah.
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  But were things being taken away from me as a person whether it
• 7:59
  was missing an occasion. I was in wedding in the hallway
• 8:04
  on the phone, I was on a vacation overseas outside the
• 8:09
  restaurant on the phone. I was getting yelled at in a
• 8:13
  Caribbean island because I didn't respond to emails when I
• 8:16
  was off snorkeling. I don't know about you, but I
• 8:19
  don't know if you know a way to get emails underwater while
• 8:23
  you're snorkeling that you could respond to.
• 8:24
  You could actually see when the goggles on.
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  But, but I think that led me to the path of entrepreneurship.
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  I went to another PR firm, worked for a very lovely person.
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  We just had, you know, different views.
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  But things things changed. And then when I expanded and
• 8:41
  went out on my own, I was able to learn what I need and what I
• 8:48
  can say. It took a while.
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  It wasn't the minute I started entry or past public relations.
• 8:54
  It was probably 2 plus years into the business.
• 8:59
  OK. That I would say I'm not
• 9:02
  clicking with that person. That's not going to be a good
• 9:06
  fit for me and it's a lot because we want the business, we
• 9:12
  want to grow, you know, we want it a nice income, but at the end
• 9:18
  of the day to actually sleep a few hours at night is a good
• 9:22
  thing. It is.
• 9:23
  It's important for our health. And that goes nicely into, you
• 9:26
  mentioned boundaries already, but confidently setting
• 9:29
  boundaries, determining, OK, I go to sleep, I need to eat, the
• 9:33
  salary's nice, but what does it mean if I have no time to spend
• 9:37
  it? I mean, getting phone calls when
• 9:39
  you're on vacation, when you're at weddings, in weddings.
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  You. Know that's supposed to be your
• 9:45
  time to refill your cup. But I think boundaries and this
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  goes and we'll talk about expectations later too, are
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  tricky because you have to communicate them.
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  You can't, you know, you talked about the bully bus.
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  There are some people that just operate that way.
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  And unless you put your foot down or and really advocate for
• 10:03
  yourself or just remove yourself from that environment, they're
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  not going to treat you with the value.
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  And you talked about you've realized yourself worth.
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  You realized your value. That is such a big part of us
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  feeling OK advocating for ourselves is realizing, wait a
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  minute, I deserve to be valued and treated in a way that is
• 10:26
  respectful and honoring to me and my time and my health and
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  what I bring to the table. And not and but but
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  communicating that and having a voice in the room to speak up
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  and say that unapologetically. And if they don't like it, that
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  might not be a good fit. That might not be a place that
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  values your health and well-being, which can be a scary
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  thing. But also, you know, thinking
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  long term, it's really what it comes down to.
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  Would you say that's kind of where it sounds like that's
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  where you got to with where you were?
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  And then now it looks, you know, a couple of years in you
• 11:01
  realized, wait a minute, now that I and it's tricky when you
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  own your own business and you've got your own space, because many
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  times it's something you're passionate about and you love
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  giving your time to. And so sometimes you don't set
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  boundaries as clearly because, oh, I love this thing and I'm
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  building this thing that's great.
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  And then all of a sudden you hit a wall.
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  I'm like, oh, I even need to set time away from this, even though
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  it's my own thing so I can be fresh.
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  So talk about that. What's interesting is especially
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  when you work for yourself and if you work in a Home Office,
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  which I work in a Home Office, at the beginning, I wasn't
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  getting around to having lunch until 3:00 in the afternoon.
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  Well, I don't know about you, but I get very cranky when I
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  don't eat and, and I'd be having these meetings, but my stomach
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  is rumbling and my head's hurting and I haven't eaten.
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  So I will block out on my calendar this time for lunch
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  today, this time, you know, because I know I need to have
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  lunch. I also learned to live by my
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  calendar, meaning you can schedule a meeting with me on my
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  calendar, but you can't schedule a meeting on a Friday and you
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  can't schedule a meeting after 5:00.
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  And then when I have other meetings or in person events I'm
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  going to or even going out to lunch once a week with my
• 12:26
  parents, that's on my calendar. So you can't schedule time with
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  me during those times. And when someone says can we
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  have a call at 7:00 in the morning, I say no, I'm not doing
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  a call at 7:00 in the morning. And it is a choice that I am
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  making and my calendar system, we'll show you my availability.
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  And if I choose to have a business meeting on Fridays,
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  which I just booked a meeting for two weeks from now on a
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  Friday, that's my choice. And therefore I'm making the
• 13:02
  decision to know because I like to save my Fridays to really
• 13:06
  just do a deep dive into work. I might run an errand here and
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  there, but it's really, I don't want to be disturbed with phone
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  calls and and Zoom calls on a Friday.
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  So I'll do that. But if I schedule it myself,
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  then that's a choice I'm making. And I think all of us have to
• 13:23
  set those boundaries and I'm able to set the boundary.
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  And that's what's important is saying I'm going to go to this
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  event or no, I'm going to skip it.
• 13:34
  Yeah, yeah, I love that too. That OK, It's OK to say no.
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  The world as we know is not going to implode on us if we
• 13:43
  don't show up for an event. But I love the calendar piece
• 13:45
  because we put in our thing, our calendar, the things again, that
• 13:50
  we value and we protect our time in there.
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  It keeps us accountable. It protects us from ourselves.
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  Because I know what you mean about the not eating.
• 14:00
  You'll be going through your day.
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  You're thinking, oh, I'm at home, I'll get to it.
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  And it's your, your stomach's swirling, your head's hurting.
• 14:08
  You can't think clearly. You're not showing up the way.
• 14:11
  And you're like, oh, I, I do have to do this.
• 14:13
  I have to be even in some ways more intentional now that I'm
• 14:17
  working for myself because there's nobody asking me.
• 14:20
  Hey, have you taken your lunch break yet?
• 14:22
  Hey, did you get, get that walk around the block with, you know,
• 14:27
  Susie and Fred at lunchtime? I mean, there's nobody there
• 14:30
  doing that. And one of the things I, the
• 14:33
  first time I ever worked at home was during COVID, like many
• 14:36
  people. And I had to go outside at
• 14:40
  lunchtime, walk around the block to just tell myself that I was
• 14:44
  removing myself from that space and getting a break.
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  And then I literally would get in my car and drive it around
• 14:51
  the block at 5:00 and then come back into my house as my house.
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  And so I left it as my workplace and I re entered it as my house
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  because it just kind of and to really kind of trick my brain
• 15:06
  into seeing the difference and like, OK, I'm off now, I'm down
• 15:10
  now, you know. And that's a good point because
• 15:12
  I know that in my office next to my office is a restroom, and I
• 15:19
  was using the restroom right next to my office.
• 15:21
  And then after a few months, I said I need to get up and use
• 15:26
  the restroom all the way upstairs just to move and get
• 15:31
  away from from the desk. And, and I've also found that
• 15:35
  when I want my day to end or I'm deciding, OK, my day is ending
• 15:39
  at 5:30 or 6 or 630, whatever time I'm choosing my day to end,
• 15:44
  I log off my computer. And therefore there isn't this
• 15:51
  tendency to look on my phone and say, oh, here's this e-mail I
• 15:56
  better go on to because I don't like to answer things on my
• 15:59
  phone if I don't have to. I like the look of an e-mail
• 16:01
  from a computer instead of from a phone.
• 16:03
  I'm a little old fashioned in that.
• 16:05
  But I have to decide what do I need to do today?
• 16:09
  What? What do I have to do that I need
• 16:11
  to turn the computer back on or? I'm not turning the computer
• 16:15
  back on. I am sitting down to dinner with
• 16:18
  my husband. I'm going out with friends.
• 16:20
  I, I'm, I'm watching the TV show, whatever it might be, and
• 16:25
  deciding, OK, I have to put. It into perspective what needs
• 16:29
  to get done now what could wait until tomorrow.
• 16:32
  Yeah absolutely. And like we said is that's being
• 16:35
  intentional. I love what you say about I will
• 16:37
  I put my laptop thing lid down. It's in a desk in a different
• 16:42
  part of the house. That way I'm not tempted to look
• 16:45
  at it when it lights up to, you know, tell trick myself into
• 16:50
  thinking, oh, that no, it can wait.
• 16:52
  And it also trains the people we work with.
• 16:56
  A train sounds like kind of a funny word.
• 16:58
  To know when they have access to us, to know when to expect
• 17:03
  answers from us, and to understand that I may not get
• 17:07
  back to you 5 minutes after you've contacted me.
• 17:10
  And that's OK because I'll be available tomorrow morning at,
• 17:14
  you know, 8:00. And the most important thing is
• 17:19
  I don't miss a single deadline. Yeah, Absolutely.
• 17:23
  Yep. Hire Andrea.
• 17:25
  Past public relations know that I will make sure I am in touch
• 17:29
  with you. I will make sure I am in touch
• 17:31
  with the press. I will not miss a deadline.
• 17:35
  Yeah. And.
• 17:36
  And so I don't. And then I have to put it into
• 17:39
  perspective. This is important and has to be
• 17:42
  done right now. This isn't.
• 17:45
  This could wait till next week, or maybe this doesn't have to
• 17:48
  happen at all. And I think that by setting a
• 17:51
  calendar, setting our time frame, setting our boundaries
• 17:55
  and and figuring out how it's going to work the best way
• 18:00
  possible for us is what is going to give us that positivity
• 18:05
  moving. Forward, absolutely, absolutely.
• 18:07
  We're going to feel refreshed, rejuvenated, and we're because
• 18:10
  we're not sacrificing ourselves and we're going to have be
• 18:13
  fresher and better for the client, you know, and the people
• 18:15
  that we're servicing when we do that as well.
• 18:18
  So good. All right, taking care of our
• 18:20
  emotional health as much as our mental and physical health.
• 18:24
  We really touched on this already, but it's that realizing
• 18:28
  that, Oh my gosh, it's 3:00. I haven't eaten my stomach
• 18:30
  sprowling. I have a headache.
• 18:33
  All these things impact us and affect us if we don't take steps
• 18:37
  away to tend to all the parts of us.
• 18:39
  So talk to me about how you do that, how you tend to all the
• 18:42
  parts of you well. I think it's it's not only
• 18:47
  learning when to say no, but if you have to cancel something.
• 18:51
  An example must have been about two years ago.
• 18:56
  My mother was in the hospital and I was scheduled to give a
• 18:59
  lecture that morning on Zoom and 75 people had RSVP D for the
• 19:04
  talk. And I was in the hospital with
• 19:08
  my mother. And so I called the person who
• 19:12
  was running the event. I I'd been in the hospital all
• 19:14
  night. I waited till about, you know, 8
• 19:16
  on the dot. And I think the talk was at
• 19:18
  9:30, but I didn't want to call earlier than 8.
• 19:21
  And I explained where I was. And the first thing he said was,
• 19:24
  how is your mother? How nice?
• 19:27
  And he says, Andrea, we will still have our meeting.
• 19:30
  We'll all we'll come up with a topic.
• 19:33
  And would you be willing to be a speaker?
• 19:35
  I'm booked for the next two months.
• 19:37
  But can I have yes, yes. And I was a speaker in a few
• 19:42
  months and I took care of what had to get taken care of in that
• 19:48
  moment, in that moment. You know, it happened to be my
• 19:51
  mom, but it's it's knowing when you're you're going to
• 19:57
  emotionally separate. And I just had I just had a call
• 20:01
  with a client of mine who said, yeah, it's crazy.
• 20:05
  My sister-in-law passed away. We're leaving in the morning.
• 20:08
  And I said we didn't need to do this phone call.
• 20:11
  I felt horrible. I said, I am so sorry.
• 20:13
  And she said no, no, this is good for me.
• 20:17
  And I said, as long as you're OK, if you we can do the call
• 20:20
  when you get back from your travels.
• 20:23
  And. You know, recognizing her
• 20:26
  emotions and how she wanted to handle it, That's what's if we
• 20:31
  can emotionally touch one another and care about one
• 20:35
  another. And if there's anything that
• 20:38
  COVID taught us is to care about one another and to say how are
• 20:45
  you? And to say no, put it in
• 20:47
  perspective. Do we need to do this call at
• 20:50
  this moment? Do we, you know, your family
• 20:54
  needs you or you're just, you need a nap, whatever it might
• 20:58
  be? Yes.
• 20:59
  I have to tell you Melissa, I am like Arianna Huffington.
• 21:02
  Arianna Huffington is a huge proponent for naps and if I
• 21:07
  could take a 15 minute cat nap, I do it because it refreshes
• 21:14
  you, you're energized and that's another well-being step that I
• 21:19
  take when I can. You want to take a cat nap
• 21:21
  everyday? No, no, I don't have enough time
• 21:24
  to do that. But if, if I can take 15
• 21:28
  minutes, that's I'm having a later lunch and it might be, oh
• 21:32
  great, I don't have a call till 3:00.
• 21:35
  I will set my alarm and I give myself 15 minutes.
• 21:38
  And boy do I feel good. And it's finding that time or
• 21:42
  finding that time, like you said, to walk around the block.
• 21:45
  You're in California, I'm in New Jersey.
• 21:48
  There are times of the year that I can't walk around the block.
• 21:50
  It's. Been cold for you lately?
• 21:52
  You know, and it's interesting, I'm actually heading to
• 21:54
  California in a few days and I, I'm looking forward to weather
• 21:59
  warmer than than New Jersey. But but to walk around the
• 22:03
  block, I do try to do that. And I'll say, oh great, I have
• 22:07
  1/2 an hour in between calls or I'm working on this project, but
• 22:11
  I need to clear my head and then just say I'm going to take that
• 22:15
  walk. And my husband and I in the warm
• 22:17
  weather, we tend to get up at 6:30 in the morning and we have
• 22:21
  a loop that we do about 3 miles long.
• 22:24
  But we are out walking at 6:30 in the morning.
• 22:27
  And when I tell people, why are you up so early, it starts our
• 22:31
  day. We get to have a conversation.
• 22:36
  We, we're not on our phones because we're walking, we're
• 22:40
  getting fresh air and then we're ready to start our day.
• 22:43
  And so I am a big believer in getting some fresh air when you
• 22:47
  can. And there are times in the nice
• 22:49
  weather that I am actually working and taking calls from my
• 22:53
  deck. Yeah.
• 22:54
  And I'm outside and someone will say, what's that noise?
• 22:58
  Now the birds are a little loud. I'm on the deck.
• 23:01
  But just to give yourself that fresh air.
• 23:04
  And I think that there's a lot to be said for, for that.
• 23:08
  And and so that's another way that I'm taking care of myself,
• 23:13
  yeah. Yeah, and it's you're doing it
• 23:16
  in time that already exists. You pointed, you made such a
• 23:19
  good point so many times I will hear women say, well, when I
• 23:22
  don't have time, let's look at the time you already have.
• 23:25
  I do the same thing here in California in the spring.
• 23:28
  I will often take my laptop outside, sit down, work out
• 23:33
  there. It's nice.
• 23:35
  It's warm but not too warm yet. And mentally it's I'm refreshed,
• 23:40
  I'm got it a little different scenery.
• 23:42
  It just changes the whole way. I see things my husband and I
• 23:46
  started in just as the new year started in January.
• 23:51
  It's starting getting up at 5:30 in the morning and going for a
• 23:55
  walk. I am not a morning glory.
• 23:57
  And I really did this more to help him get it done because I
• 24:01
  have flexibility in my day in in terms of when I get my work at
• 24:04
  him. But I tell you, it has been
• 24:06
  really good to get up, to connect with him, to get
• 24:10
  outside, to clear our heads, to move our bodies before we start
• 24:15
  the rest of our day. And what that does for my
• 24:17
  mental, emotional, physical health.
• 24:19
  I noticed a difference in the level of anxiety or stress that
• 24:25
  would rise up in me as I was working on something throughout
• 24:28
  the morning. Simply by getting outside and
• 24:31
  rejuvenating my senses and starting down here, rather than
• 24:35
  starting up here spinning and thinking about all the things
• 24:38
  that are going on in my day. Exactly.
• 24:41
  And I think that, you know, looking at your, your emotional
• 24:45
  and physical well-being, it also is how you handle things.
• 24:49
  And I know you were asking me my character traits.
• 24:52
  And I think that for me, the one I had at the top of the list was
• 24:57
  honest, because I don't want anyone to work with me expecting
• 25:03
  me to tell you what you want to hear.
• 25:05
  Yeah. That's not going to work.
• 25:08
  So I'm going to be honest and, and even when I have a new
• 25:11
  business call and they say, oh, how much press can you guarantee
• 25:15
  me? I can't guarantee you any.
• 25:18
  Press I will. Secure press coverage because
• 25:21
  that's what I do for a living. But can I guarantee it?
• 25:25
  No, Take out an ad if you want to guarantee.
• 25:28
  Pay for it? Yes, you'd want.
• 25:31
  Editorial coverage, Earned media coverage.
• 25:34
  You come to enter your past public relations.
• 25:36
  I will be honest with you, but are you Wall Street Journal
• 25:40
  material? Not necessarily.
• 25:44
  But you might be a trade magazine material or a consumer
• 25:48
  publication or a podcast or a newspaper.
• 25:52
  There's other media that, yes, that's the right media.
• 25:56
  So honesty has really helped me because then I'm not stressed
• 26:02
  out. I've been honest.
• 26:05
  No one could say. But you said this.
• 26:07
  No, because I wouldn't have said that because I am honest.
• 26:11
  And I think that so many people, I don't want to say they're just
• 26:15
  dishonest. That's not what I'm saying.
• 26:18
  But they'll tell others what they think the others want to
• 26:22
  hear, even though they can't achieve it.
• 26:24
  And in the long run, that's going to make you as a business
• 26:27
  person look bad because you couldn't achieve it.
• 26:30
  I'd rather be honest on what I'm able to achieve.
• 26:34
  And if you don't like my answer, then then I'm not the right
• 26:38
  public relations person for you. Go to someone else and I bet
• 26:42
  you'll come back to me in a few months because that other person
• 26:45
  will have been, you know, fibbing a bit.
• 26:48
  But I think that for my health and my well-being, being honest
• 26:55
  and also when you're honest, you don't have to keep track of a, a
• 27:00
  story. Yeah.
• 27:02
  Because the lie builds, even if it's not a lie, even if it's an
• 27:05
  exaggeration. Exaggeration.
• 27:07
  It builds on itself and it builds on itself, and it takes
• 27:10
  out a life of its own, even if it's well intended.
• 27:13
  And, and it's interesting because I had this situation
• 27:16
  just a few weeks ago because someone had said XY and Z to me
• 27:19
  and I was talking to a colleague.
• 27:21
  Well, they told them a different story about the same situation.
• 27:24
  And then when I went back to the person and asked something, they
• 27:26
  told a third story. So I'm like, I'm thinking in my
• 27:29
  head, which is it? And so it's easier to be honest
• 27:35
  and tell it. Just tell the story the way it
• 27:38
  actually happened. And then you won't get wrapped
• 27:41
  up in mistakes. I don't necessarily want to say
• 27:46
  falsehoods because they're not necessary falsehoods, but in
• 27:48
  mistakes. But again, for your own
• 27:52
  well-being in, in business and in life and, and an interesting
• 27:59
  story of going to this. I, I was saying to a friend, I
• 28:04
  had a situation, something upset me and I let it build and build.
• 28:09
  And so I finally said, I have to discuss this with a friend.
• 28:12
  And I said to her, I need to tell you how I feel.
• 28:16
  And she immediately, you know, jumped and I said, I'm using my
• 28:21
  words. This is how I feel.
• 28:23
  I'm not telling you how you feel.
• 28:25
  I need you to know how I feel and I use the term I'm using my
• 28:30
  words to which this friend said children say that adults don't
• 28:36
  say that. If an adult says I'm using my
• 28:39
  words, it means they want to do you bodily harm.
• 28:43
  Well, of course I am like the sweetest person.
• 28:46
  I, I barely like step on a bug. I, I, I would never do anyone
• 28:50
  bodily harm. But the person did not want to
• 28:53
  listen to how I felt. Yeah.
• 28:57
  And so that relationship is now very different because I realize
• 29:01
  that how I feel, I don't want to say it's not important to that
• 29:06
  person, but they didn't want to hear me.
• 29:10
  Yeah. And so it's important in
• 29:12
  everything that we are doing to to be honest and say this is how
• 29:18
  I felt or I can't do this because it might trigger me or I
• 29:25
  need my space or whatever. It might be that you're honest,
• 29:31
  but sometimes you have to verbalize it to people because
• 29:34
  they're not mind readers. And I joke, I say I never took
• 29:38
  mind reading 101 in college. So since I didn't have that
• 29:42
  course offered at my university, I'm sure you didn't either.
• 29:46
  And so we have to, you can't assume something.
• 29:49
  I hate the word assume, but you can't assume something if and
• 29:53
  you have to use your words to explain it, whether it's
• 29:57
  personal or professional, so that the message is hopefully
• 30:02
  received the way you intended to be received and not received as
• 30:06
  it was an accusation. Because I was not doing an
• 30:08
  accusation, I was just saying my feelings.
• 30:12
  And it's not your responsibility for how they receive it.
• 30:15
  You know, it's your responsibility to deliver it
• 30:18
  well, to talk in I statements, use your words, but it's not.
• 30:21
  But you also, it's so important. I want to tie this back to you.
• 30:25
  This does impact our mental, emotional, physical health and
• 30:30
  well-being. Because if we're not being
• 30:32
  honest, if we're just saying yes to things to try to garner
• 30:35
  business, that can be damaging to our integrity down the road,
• 30:39
  that can build up our stress levels more, which negatively
• 30:42
  impacts our physical and emotional health.
• 30:45
  I mean, it's all tied together. So I'm so that's so great how
• 30:49
  you brought that together and that one piece, that one
• 30:52
  character trait has such a broad impact.
• 30:56
  Yeah, exactly. And I think that this exercise,
• 30:59
  when you said to me, you know, Andrea, list your character
• 31:02
  traits and I think everyone should do this exercise, write
• 31:08
  it down, then type it, print it and put it next to your desk and
• 31:15
  and remember those character traits.
• 31:17
  Remember those things and, and some of the other things I said,
• 31:20
  you know, friendly, responsible, thorough, caring, strategic.
• 31:24
  Yeah, OK. Remember to always be caring.
• 31:27
  Remember to be authentic. Remember to be commutative
• 31:32
  because so many people are not effectively communicating.
• 31:36
  They think they wrote something or said something, but they
• 31:41
  didn't. And I know that my public
• 31:43
  relations clients consistently get emails from me.
• 31:47
  They get Outlook invitations for every interview.
• 31:50
  I text them to remind them you have an interview tomorrow at
• 31:53
  2:00 PM. So I'm doing all of these
• 31:56
  methods of communications so that nothing will slip through
• 32:00
  the cracks because they're hiring me to get a job done.
• 32:04
  And if you are not communicating with the client then how are you
• 32:09
  getting the job done? Yeah, yeah.
• 32:11
  But it is so interesting to me, the basic premise of
• 32:15
  communication is so powerful, yet so underutilized.
• 32:20
  And we're going to come back to that in a minute because I've
• 32:23
  got more questions on that. But before we do, I want to ask
• 32:27
  you about you do this really well, but you've learned how to
• 32:31
  do this in my, in my purview. You do this really well from
• 32:35
  from our conversations and what I've learned about you of how we
• 32:38
  can support ourselves and other women in living
• 32:41
  unapologetically. And it really starts with
• 32:45
  showing up well, believing in ourselves, valuing ourselves,
• 32:49
  communicating, like you said, our needs, our boundaries, our
• 32:53
  expectations, and then supporting other women and
• 32:57
  feeling the freedom and safety to do that as well.
• 33:02
  And so talk to me about your. Journey with that and how you've
• 33:05
  gotten to the point where you are today with it.
• 33:09
  Networking, networking, networking.
• 33:13
  I have met the most amazing women business owners since I
• 33:18
  started Andrea past public relations and we all have
• 33:22
  something different. We have different character
• 33:24
  traits, we have different skill sets, we have different
• 33:27
  backgrounds and different family situations.
• 33:30
  But when we are in the room, whether it's a virtual room or
• 33:34
  an in person room, there's something so special about
• 33:39
  fellow women in business, no matter what stage of your
• 33:42
  business you are AT. And I've been very active in
• 33:47
  networking with Fellow women business owners, general
• 33:51
  business owners, but for instance, my colleague Carissa
• 33:54
  Young, she is a portrait and branding photographer.
• 33:58
  She and I recently, a number of months ago, started a women's
• 34:02
  meet up and whether we meet at a local Panera and everyone grabs
• 34:07
  a cup of coffee or we needed a woman owned business and people
• 34:12
  order. We went to a Waffle House
• 34:13
  waffles and dreams in Fairfield, NJ.
• 34:16
  I had the most amazing crepe, but I'm getting sidetracked.
• 34:19
  But whether we're but we're supporting one another in what
• 34:24
  we're doing. And and that support extends to
• 34:28
  social media to follow one another on social media to not
• 34:33
  only like a post, but engage with the post.
• 34:36
  And if the post really moved, you share it with your audience.
• 34:40
  And this is a way that we can support other women in business
• 34:44
  that may not do what we do. We're not competitors, we're
• 34:49
  supporters. And so so doing that is just
• 34:54
  means so much to me. And even if it's meeting someone
• 34:59
  for a cup of coffee or doing a one-on-one call virtually or
• 35:05
  picking up the phone and saying, how are you, you know this is
• 35:09
  going on or that's going on. You know that you, you know a
• 35:13
  little bit about the person's life.
• 35:15
  And to say something like that, I think networking and getting
• 35:20
  to know other women business owners will definitely benefit
• 35:25
  you personally and professionally.
• 35:27
  And it's interesting. I met a woman when I first
• 35:30
  started my business at an in person networking event.
• 35:33
  I think we sat across the room from each other.
• 35:35
  We didn't even sit next to each other.
• 35:38
  And at the end of the meeting, I don't know, we got drawn to one
• 35:41
  another. She is now a wonderful friend
• 35:45
  and I said that to her. I don't and I don't use the word
• 35:48
  friend lightly. To me, everyone can't be your
• 35:51
  friend. They could be someone you know,
• 35:53
  you have a connection with. But I don't call everyone a
• 35:55
  friend. And I was talking to her earlier
• 35:59
  today and someone had said to me, a person I know through
• 36:02
  business called me a friend. But we're friendly.
• 36:07
  We are colleagues. There's a difference.
• 36:09
  And I was explaining to this woman who started out as
• 36:13
  business, who has become my friend.
• 36:16
  And I want, I said to her, I need you to know that I value
• 36:19
  the fact that I can call you a friend.
• 36:22
  And some of those relationships in in business or in networking
• 36:26
  will turn into a friend. Other relationships will be
• 36:29
  business oriented, colleague oriented.
• 36:31
  They all have a place in your life, but to have them is a
• 36:37
  treasure. Yeah, you.
• 36:40
  Thank you so much for that. That's so good.
• 36:42
  I was actually this morning at I'm part of our Fresno County
• 36:45
  Women's Chamber of Commerce here and we had our breakfast that
• 36:49
  kicks off every January that our new officers are sworn in and we
• 36:57
  have a great speaker and it's just a great place.
• 36:59
  It's to gather and get together and touch base and we meet a
• 37:02
  couple times a month. I mean, I, I don't always get to
• 37:05
  everything, but there's two to three times a month that we have
• 37:07
  opportunities to get together and share what we do.
• 37:11
  And we follow each other on social media and we share each
• 37:14
  other's posts and we let friends know we use the businesses.
• 37:18
  We, you know, there's one Gallus photographer.
• 37:21
  She's going to do some professional pics for me for my
• 37:24
  work and I'm going to bring her on the podcast as a guest to
• 37:29
  help people know more about what she does.
• 37:31
  I mean, and, and just even just having those connections, even
• 37:34
  if they don't end up being a match for working directly
• 37:38
  together, you can still follow, share, promote what each other
• 37:42
  does. And that's so empowering and
• 37:44
  helpful to each other. I'd love to you mention that,
• 37:46
  but also you said something else really important.
• 37:49
  Not everybody is going to be your best friend.
• 37:53
  That's OK. They don't have to be.
• 37:56
  There's a different ways that we engage in relationships in our
• 38:00
  lives. Some relationships are going to
• 38:02
  change and maybe bygone or maybe past.
• 38:06
  That doesn't mean anybody did anything wrong or bad and we can
• 38:10
  still support each other and and lift each other up when we have
• 38:14
  the opportunity. But it's all those relationships
• 38:17
  are important and necessary and and part of our community and
• 38:23
  engaging and being active within the world and supporting what
• 38:27
  you do. But there is those different
• 38:29
  levels. So I'm so glad that you brought
• 38:31
  that up. That's so important.
• 38:34
  It's knowing the relationship and being open to, I mean, to
• 38:41
  me, I can never have enough connections.
• 38:45
  Yeah, yeah, for. Sure, I I meet you on a on a
• 38:50
  Zoom platform. And here's an interesting story.
• 38:54
  I I was out in San Diego a few years ago visiting my son and
• 38:59
  two women that I knew from networking were not far.
• 39:04
  So I said to them, is there any way we could meet?
• 39:06
  And they each drove an hour from their directions to come meet up
• 39:11
  with me. We started hugging like we were
• 39:14
  long lost sorority sisters. Fast forward, one of the women
• 39:19
  is very, very swamped right now. And I had posted on LinkedIn
• 39:24
  that I had met a business colleague.
• 39:27
  He was coming to my town for a reason and he said, can we meet
• 39:30
  for coffee? I said of course, and I posted
• 39:32
  it. The other woman out in
• 39:34
  California wrote and said, when are we getting together?
• 39:38
  So I called her. I called her yesterday and we're
• 39:43
  chatting Whatever. I said, you posted on LinkedIn,
• 39:47
  how would you like to have breakfast next Tuesday?
• 39:50
  And she was silent, absolutely silent.
• 39:52
  And all of a sudden she lets out this yell.
• 39:55
  You're going to be here, I said. Well, I don't know exactly how
• 39:58
  far I'm going to be from you. Yeah.
• 40:01
  But I will drive if you will drive if we could meet in the
• 40:06
  middle. She found an amazing coffee
• 40:08
  shop. Everything looks delicious on
• 40:10
  this menu in some town near San Diego that I've never heard of.
• 40:14
  And my husband's going to come with me and we are going to meet
• 40:18
  her and getting a chance to meet someone in person.
• 40:22
  Yeah. And but I, I, I don't know, I
• 40:26
  have in the, in the real world, I'd have nothing in common with
• 40:31
  this person. We have very different
• 40:33
  backgrounds, but we met through networking and business.
• 40:37
  And what we have in common is warmth, caring.
• 40:42
  That's what we have in common. Well, those are wonderful things
• 40:45
  to have in common and this, this piece, this part that we make
• 40:50
  time for, for relationships and connection is such a vital part
• 40:55
  of our health journey and our Wellness journey.
• 40:58
  This is a way of taking care of yourself.
• 41:01
  This is a form of self-care, that connection to make time
• 41:05
  for. So I'm so glad you pointed it
• 41:07
  out. Thank you so much.
• 41:08
  And I'm so glad you get to meet up with her again.
• 41:10
  That's fantastic. I can't.
• 41:11
  I can't. I can't wait.
• 41:13
  I. Can't wait, she says.
• 41:14
  I'm finding a place that you can get your decaf coffee and I can
• 41:16
  get my decaf tea. I said it and we know that about
• 41:19
  each other. We know that we bolster A decaf.
• 41:22
  But she doesn't do coffee. I mean, but those are the
• 41:26
  important little details. You only know when you take time
• 41:29
  to connect with someone. I love that so much.
• 41:31
  Thank you. That was such a good, authentic
• 41:33
  example. I love that.
• 41:35
  All right. Talk to me about the importance
• 41:39
  of coming back to your why in your values, especially in your
• 41:42
  work where you're really having to decide who you're going to
• 41:46
  give your time to, who you're going to work with.
• 41:49
  You have been in situations in the past where your Y and values
• 41:53
  have not been honored in very, you know, volatile, unhealthy
• 41:57
  work environment. So I would imagine for you now
• 42:00
  as your own business owner, this really hits home even more for
• 42:04
  you. But talk to me about how that
• 42:07
  plays into helping you inform who you will work with.
• 42:13
  It's very interesting because my, my, why?
• 42:17
  I love public relations. I love what I do.
• 42:20
  I am a kid in a candy store. When that interview or article
• 42:25
  or picture or anything that I placed on behalf of the the
• 42:29
  client comes out, yeah, I can't wait to service the client and
• 42:33
  say here's a link to this article or this interview or
• 42:35
  this podcast that that I secured for you.
• 42:39
  So you know that I'm moving the needle by getting them press
• 42:43
  coverage to help grow their business, brand awareness, Dr.
• 42:47
  sales for their product, their service, their book, their
• 42:53
  nonprofit. Boy, do I feel good.
• 42:55
  And so my why is to serve others with my expertise in public
• 43:00
  relations. But I'm going to, again, be
• 43:05
  honest about what's achievable. I'll always reach for the stars.
• 43:10
  You know, I mean, I have had clients on ABC 2020, Good
• 43:14
  Morning America, the Today Show, CNN, The New York Times, The
• 43:17
  Wall Street Journal. But I've also had clients in the
• 43:19
  little local newspaper, which is important, or a mom blog or, you
• 43:27
  know, a podcast targeted to a certain audience.
• 43:30
  And all of these are important to increase awareness.
• 43:33
  But learning my why and the people that I want to work with,
• 43:39
  you know, we have to realize we're not all going to have
• 43:42
  everything in common. And there might be traits that
• 43:46
  we have that don't gel with other people.
• 43:48
  And I know that I have beliefs that others may not have, but
• 43:52
  that means that I could choose if I want to work with that
• 43:56
  person. And one time I was having a call
• 44:00
  and someone made a derogatory comment and did not realize when
• 44:05
  the person made the derogatory comment because I am that.
• 44:12
  Oh boy. Religion that he chose to whack.
• 44:18
  And so I waited. We were on zoom, waited few
• 44:24
  seconds, I just paused and then I informed him that I am of that
• 44:29
  religion. I said and I think we should end
• 44:31
  the call now. And I didn't feel bad about it.
• 44:35
  He never wrote me an e-mail apologizing.
• 44:37
  Wow. And I was just in a state of
• 44:41
  shock because I am a very respectful person.
• 44:45
  I respect everybody. We can all have different
• 44:48
  backgrounds, different beliefs, different upbringings, but the
• 44:51
  most important thing is to be kind and respect everybody.
• 44:54
  Yeah. And.
• 44:55
  And this businessman spewed hatred.
• 45:00
  And I, I was in a state of shock.
• 45:02
  So I chose that I would not do business with him.
• 45:07
  Another story, I had a new business call the other day and
• 45:11
  we got on the call and I realized immediately this person
• 45:14
  was not going to hire me because I didn't have the right look.
• 45:19
  I'm not thin, I don't have long blonde hair.
• 45:22
  I don't wear expensive jewelry. I could tell just I don't live
• 45:26
  in an expensive town. I could just tell that
• 45:30
  financially and image wise, she wasn't going to want me to
• 45:35
  represent her because I didn't have the look.
• 45:38
  And I was on the phone with a business associate.
• 45:40
  I was explaining the story to her and I had to write the
• 45:43
  proposal the next day and I was holding off.
• 45:47
  Lo and behold, she reaches out to me and says thank you so
• 45:51
  much. But I found someone who's a
• 45:52
  better fit that understands my my message.
• 45:55
  Well, I understood her message. Yeah.
• 45:58
  She was a bit narrow minded in thinking that her message could
• 46:01
  only go to this audience but I was so glad that I didn't take
• 46:06
  the time to write the proposal because I knew we were not a fit
• 46:09
  and it was for the wrong reasons.
• 46:11
  So when I wrote back to her I said thank you so much for
• 46:14
  getting back to me should anything change.
• 46:16
  You know where to find me because person she's hiring
• 46:21
  might have the right look but may not have the right
• 46:25
  abilities, so she might be. Back in.
• 46:27
  Six months. We'll see.
• 46:29
  And you ended it in a way that was respectful and kind.
• 46:34
  But I love how you put the pause on.
• 46:36
  I want to talk about the pause because I think taking a pause
• 46:40
  sometimes is so important when we're taking a moment to assess
• 46:48
  how much time and energy do I want to give to something that
• 46:52
  is probably not going to be a fit anyway.
• 46:55
  I think that's really valuable and really smart that you that
• 46:59
  you did that in the 1st place. You didn't burn energy on
• 47:02
  something that you knew wasn't probably you weren't going to
• 47:06
  get any. Not that you do things, but in
• 47:08
  business, you do you want returns.
• 47:10
  If you invest time on space and energy, you want to return from
• 47:13
  that. You knew that.
• 47:15
  So you were like, I don't need to prove anything to her.
• 47:18
  I already have a sense and that, you know, I think that's
• 47:24
  something that's so important too, is we, we in so many ways
• 47:30
  mistakenly judge a book by its cover, whatever the cover may
• 47:34
  be. And we don't actually ask the
• 47:37
  questions and learn the story and understand the gifts and
• 47:42
  what's behind all of that. And it gets us in trouble time
• 47:46
  and time again. I I.
• 47:47
  I. Want you to let me know if you
• 47:49
  ever hear back from her. I'm very curious about this, but
• 47:52
  I think it's it's such a good example and it's fine.
• 47:55
  You're fine. I mean, that's the thing that
• 47:58
  I'm I'm more than fine you. Know and, and like, you know,
• 48:01
  again, if you're choosing to not work with me because of I don't
• 48:07
  have the right hair or the right jewelry or the right weight, OK,
• 48:11
  then, then you're superficial. That is your, your choice.
• 48:14
  I happen to be an expert in public relations.
• 48:16
  I would be able to be successful for you, but that's OK.
• 48:20
  I'm at a stage of my life now and I'm not near retirement age,
• 48:25
  but I don't know if I'll ever retire because I love public
• 48:28
  relations and I'll always want to do it and represent people.
• 48:31
  But I can, I can be picky. And I think, and one of the
• 48:36
  things I say to, to business owners, especially young women,
• 48:43
  yeah, business owners is, is that you might have to pay your
• 48:47
  duties. You're going to have to pay your
• 48:49
  dues, sure. But to any entrepreneur, I say
• 48:52
  don't go into business for yourself if you can't afford
• 48:56
  health insurance because in today's world you don't know the
• 49:02
  insurance is insurance. You don't know what tomorrow is
• 49:04
  going to bring. And to get the appropriate
• 49:06
  healthcare, you might need to go work for someone else for a
• 49:10
  while until you save up money. So you could pay for health
• 49:14
  insurance unless you have a a spouse or another method to to
• 49:19
  get health insurance. I happen to be fortunate my
• 49:21
  health insurance is through my husband's company.
• 49:24
  Not everyone is, is married or their spouse has insurance or,
• 49:29
  or what have you. But to realize, what can you
• 49:33
  achieve? What do you need money for?
• 49:36
  OK. I I don't drive a fancy car.
• 49:40
  Yeah. I I it's not one of the things
• 49:41
  that matters to me. Yeah.
• 49:42
  It's not one of your, it's not something you value.
• 49:45
  You spend your time and energy on the places and things that
• 49:47
  you value and. And for us, we value travel.
• 49:51
  Yeah. We, we want to, we want to see
• 49:55
  things and, and travel. And so as we've, you know,
• 49:58
  gotten older, we're scheduling more trips and people laugh at
• 50:02
  us. We, we've already booked a trip
• 50:03
  for a year and a half from now. People laugh at you.
• 50:05
  I really did. That.
• 50:07
  It's because we want to take these opportunities while we can
• 50:11
  and and while we can, you know, physically get around and go
• 50:15
  hiking and go snorkeling and take this tour and keep walking
• 50:19
  and whatever it is that we're doing.
• 50:21
  But that's what we value other people, that's not important to
• 50:25
  them. They want the fancy, the fancy
• 50:27
  car or the fancy house. That's fine.
• 50:29
  That's fine, whatever you want to do.
• 50:32
  But recognize in your business what is your goal, what's your
• 50:38
  goal? And my goal is to be happy and
• 50:41
  to help others be more successful in their business by
• 50:44
  securing press coverage and being a very effective public
• 50:49
  relations professional. But I think that finding the
• 50:52
  time for volunteerism, I, I do a number of volunteer things that
• 50:56
  are my choice. I always get a kick out of
• 50:59
  people who reach out to me and say, oh, could you do pro bono
• 51:02
  work for me? Can you?
• 51:03
  No, no, no. If I choose to find a something,
• 51:06
  that's my choice. Otherwise, I get paid for my
• 51:09
  services. But, but to to volunteer.
• 51:13
  I love volunteering to speak. I, I, I'm a featured author in a
• 51:18
  book called Heart Centered Marketing.
• 51:20
  And, and so I speak about that. I'm speaking at a Rotary Club in
• 51:25
  two weeks. And listen, these are mostly
• 51:27
  retired people. I'm not securing any business
• 51:30
  from this Rotary Club, nor do I make money.
• 51:33
  If anyone buys the book, that goes to the book publishing
• 51:35
  house, but I'm going to teach them something.
• 51:39
  Yeah. And so I'm actually teaching a
• 51:42
  class in public relations for a local Community College that has
• 51:46
  an institute for learning in retirement.
• 51:49
  And I'm watching you talk about public relations.
• 51:52
  It's just a one class for about an hour and a half.
• 51:55
  It's you know, they, they sign up for these classes, whatever.
• 51:58
  But the way I positioned it is learn to secure press coverage
• 52:03
  in your volunteer life or your second act.
• 52:07
  Oh, I like that. Because so many retirees get
• 52:10
  very active in volunteerism, and securing press coverage for your
• 52:14
  volunteer organization is something you can do on your
• 52:17
  own. I'll give you some tips.
• 52:20
  And so giving back. It feels so good to give back.
• 52:26
  Yeah, it does. And you've chosen those places
• 52:29
  because I want to say something important here.
• 52:31
  To have you touch on it is amazing to me because I've
• 52:35
  chosen there are organizations that I will do pro bono speaking
• 52:40
  for. There's a gender and leadership
• 52:43
  development group at Fresno State University and the College
• 52:47
  of Business for Women to help them build up their confidence
• 52:51
  and their value and their belief in themself and give them just
• 52:55
  good tools and resources as they get ready to go out into the
• 52:58
  business world as women in environments that aren't
• 53:02
  necessarily a lot of women in them.
• 53:04
  And so everything I do for them is pro bono.
• 53:06
  Same thing with in the Chamber of Commerce, if I speak at a
• 53:11
  lunch or whatever pro bono and I choose that and I love that.
• 53:16
  And that's how I give back. But it's always a learn amazing
• 53:19
  to me how many people will approach about, oh, will you do
• 53:24
  that pro bono? Oh, will you just, you know, as
• 53:27
  a woman, it's even though there's so many of us out here
• 53:31
  in the world running businesses doing them successfully.
• 53:34
  I heard an amazing statistic this morning at the breakfast I
• 53:38
  was at that the mayor of Fresno, who's a man and did all the the
• 53:43
  rate the helping people into their new offices today and
• 53:47
  honoring them. He's the one that shared the
• 53:49
  statistic about how much more successful new women
• 53:53
  entrepreneurs have a 70% higher success rate than men do.
• 53:58
  And yet there's still this thing out there of asking women to
• 54:02
  give away their gifts, their resources for free.
• 54:07
  So how do you, I love that you brought that up.
• 54:10
  And like, I choose what it is. I will give my time to.
• 54:15
  If you want something from me, we can sit down and I can write
• 54:18
  a proposal and we can talk about it.
• 54:19
  But I think that's a really important thing for women to
• 54:23
  hear and know that that's good and right, and you should demand
• 54:29
  what you deserve in terms of your value and what you're
• 54:33
  bringing to someone. So I'm so glad you brought that
• 54:36
  up. Do you have anything else you
• 54:37
  want to say about that? No, it's, it's very interesting
• 54:40
  because you have to know your value.
• 54:42
  And I had someone say, oh, but someone said they could do it
• 54:45
  for this amount of money per month.
• 54:46
  And I said, well, I would need to work 20 hours.
• 54:50
  So 20 hours into that amount of money means I'm getting less
• 54:54
  than I would if I was bagging groceries at the supermarket and
• 54:58
  you hear silence like on the other side.
• 55:01
  I love that, you know, and and and and.
• 55:04
  It's no disrespect to the the the beggars at the supermarket,
• 55:08
  but they know going into it what their salary is going to be.
• 55:11
  I have experienced and therefore I am not going to work for that
• 55:17
  amount of money. And they don't realize I said,
• 55:20
  oh, but it just takes you just sent an e-mail.
• 55:22
  No, booking an interview and securing press is not an e-mail.
• 55:27
  It's strategy. It's research.
• 55:29
  And I have an overhead. I subscribe to databases in my
• 55:33
  industry that get me closer to the right editor or producer or
• 55:37
  host. Those databases cost a lot of
• 55:41
  money. The newsletters I subscribe to
• 55:43
  cost a lot. So I have an overhead, you know,
• 55:48
  and we all do in business, even if it's to have business
• 55:50
  insurance. And I'm amazed at how many
• 55:52
  people don't have business insurance.
• 55:54
  And I'm like, no, I'm not chancing someone eventually
• 55:56
  suing me. There's no.
• 55:57
  Reason I would. But I'm going to buy the
• 56:00
  insurance and you know, having a website and updating your
• 56:05
  website and paying for the hosting all of these things,
• 56:08
  business cards, a logo, everything costs money in
• 56:11
  business that I am not going to take you on for this.
• 56:16
  A little amount of money when, when and then they they well, it
• 56:20
  doesn't. Yeah, it does.
• 56:22
  But go ahead. I'll get an intern.
• 56:24
  OK, go get an intern. And I did have a few situations
• 56:30
  where people came to me. They didn't know me, but they
• 56:33
  came to me after they had APR firm that didn't do the work.
• 56:36
  And I said, well, I can't speak for them, but if you hire Andrea
• 56:41
  past public relations, I do the work, I communicate, I'm going
• 56:47
  to be honest with you and we're going to see the needle, needle
• 56:50
  move. And within days they were seeing
• 56:53
  this. They said we never heard from
• 56:54
  our PR person. They just sent the bill and we
• 56:56
  paid it. And I said, why did you pay the
• 56:58
  bill? Yeah.
• 57:01
  Why did you pay the bill if they didn't do any work?
• 57:04
  And, and so I'm going to do the work and I'm going to feel good
• 57:09
  about the work and I'm going to work with people who I know like
• 57:11
  and trust. And they're going to work with
• 57:13
  me because they get to know like and trust me.
• 57:16
  And and that's where I want to be moving forward with those
• 57:21
  kind of people and see it to feel good to be able to not
• 57:25
  worry if I need to cancel an appointment because I have to
• 57:28
  take my parents to a doctor or, you know, I have to cancel an
• 57:32
  appointment because maybe I don't feel well or whatever it
• 57:37
  might be. Or I'm saying, let's meet for
• 57:40
  coffee. And sometimes I'm paying for a
• 57:44
  cup of coffee and other times I'm not going to split the, you
• 57:46
  know, I'm going to split the check because we're meeting for
• 57:49
  a cup of coffee and I can't afford to always pay for
• 57:51
  everything. Yeah.
• 57:53
  And I'm always going to be true to me and they're going to be
• 57:55
  able to say if I'm with Andrea and I'm working with Andrea past
• 58:00
  public relations, I'm going to have a great experience and I'm
• 58:04
  going to like her. Yeah, yeah.
• 58:07
  I love that. Oh, thank you so much for all of
• 58:09
  that. So much good stuff there.
• 58:11
  All right. We've talked a lot about this
• 58:13
  already today, but living out of your own expectations versus
• 58:18
  others, you have outlined that very well.
• 58:21
  How you do that throughout this episode today and that, but that
• 58:26
  communication piece is so key. You learned the hard way, the
• 58:31
  cost to yourself if you did not communicate your expectations
• 58:36
  versus somebody else's expectations of you, your needs,
• 58:40
  all those kinds of things. So is there anything else you
• 58:44
  want to add to that because you've you've outlined it,
• 58:46
  you've spoken to it so well or anything that you would say to
• 58:50
  women in general, not just women starting a business, but women
• 58:54
  in general about the importance of communicating their
• 58:57
  expectations and being clear about that.
• 59:00
  Because you have to do that across the board.
• 59:01
  You have to be an excellent communicator for what you work
• 59:04
  in. And so, yeah, just go ahead on
• 59:07
  that, you know? So I I would just say don't,
• 59:11
  don't assume that someone knows what you're saying.
• 59:14
  Make sure that you verbalize, maybe follow up with with an
• 59:18
  e-mail. Take the time to get to know the
• 59:23
  other person. Google them, listen to them on
• 59:28
  podcasts, you know, look at what they're posting on social and
• 59:33
  you'll see if that's if you're going to jail and if you're not
• 59:35
  going to jail, walk away. There'll be.
• 59:39
  Another opportunity. Walk away, because it doesn't.
• 59:44
  You should not be losing sleep. You should not have heartburn.
• 59:49
  You should, you know, life is too short that we should all be
• 59:53
  happy and, and do what we love to do and be able to then
• 59:57
  achieve whatever that is. If it is that you want to write
• 1:00:00
  a book or you want to go on a vacation or you know, you want
• 1:00:05
  to buy a new car, whatever it might be that you want, you
• 1:00:09
  know, or you want to just spend time with your friends and
• 1:00:12
  family or or or watch Jeopardy, whatever it might be.
• 1:00:19
  Be happy. Be whatever you can do so that
• 1:00:22
  you are happy in your world. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:00:26
  Thank you for that. So good.
• 1:00:28
  All right. Accepting the layered aspects of
• 1:00:30
  ourselves, all those pieces and parts that make up our story.
• 1:00:34
  Some we love, some we don't. Decisions we wish we would have
• 1:00:37
  made that we didn't make relationships.
• 1:00:39
  It's the full package. Talk to me about your layers
• 1:00:42
  journey and accepting all those pieces and parts that of your
• 1:00:45
  story that make up who you are. Oh my goodness.
• 1:00:49
  You know, it's so funny when I think about my, my layers, the
• 1:00:52
  layer that drives me crazy is when others don't do what I
• 1:00:55
  think should be done. And we can't control other
• 1:00:58
  people. And I had worked at it at A at a
• 1:01:00
  firm a number of years ago. And I was remote and the staff
• 1:01:06
  was working in their time zone from 8:00 to 4:00.
• 1:01:13
  But when I would go to their time zone, they would show up at
• 1:01:16
  8:30 quarter to 9. And at 9:15, they left to get
• 1:01:19
  Starbucks and there was a full kitchen.
• 1:01:21
  And then they would go out to lunch for an hour and a half and
• 1:01:24
  the phone would ring and they wouldn't answer the phone.
• 1:01:26
  And I'd say, but the phone is ringing.
• 1:01:28
  If someone's calling you, it's a client or the press, that's
• 1:01:31
  who's calling you. And then in the afternoon, they
• 1:01:34
  would stand around camping. And at 4:00, I would still be
• 1:01:37
  there working because I was visiting and they were gone at 2
• 1:01:41
  minutes to four and I'd be waiting for something.
• 1:01:43
  And the boss would say, oh, but it's 4:00.
• 1:01:45
  I said, but I'm on deadline. If I don't get this information
• 1:01:49
  to the reporter, the client won't be included in the story.
• 1:01:53
  And so I realized that we can't force others to work at the
• 1:01:59
  level that we're working. And it was eating me up.
• 1:02:03
  And I knew how I was going to establish Andrea past public
• 1:02:08
  relations and not have any for workers or any interns or any
• 1:02:12
  newbies because I knew that it had to be, you know, you didn't
• 1:02:17
  have to work a million hours, but you had to make sure that
• 1:02:21
  you weren't missing deadlines and those sort of things.
• 1:02:25
  So I think that the layers are that we have to realize what's
• 1:02:29
  going to work for us. And maybe what's going to work
• 1:02:31
  for you is to work for someone else, maybe not work for
• 1:02:34
  yourself, or to create strategic partnerships to be involved in a
• 1:02:40
  mastermind group. There are so many things that
• 1:02:43
  can help us. And I know for me, those
• 1:02:45
  strategic partners and masterminds and networking
• 1:02:48
  groups and relationships and learning something new every day
• 1:02:53
  is part of the layers that make me who I am.
• 1:02:57
  And I think that for me right now, the most important layer is
• 1:03:02
  that I'm going to get to see my son and his girlfriend in a few
• 1:03:05
  days. And tonight I'm going to be with
• 1:03:08
  my grandson and play with him on the floor.
• 1:03:10
  He's 8 months old. And and that my husband and I
• 1:03:13
  are going on a vacation vacation in a few months.
• 1:03:16
  And that, you know, business is great, but personal is
• 1:03:21
  wonderful. And and and that's what I think
• 1:03:25
  about the layers. Yeah, I love that.
• 1:03:27
  Thank you so much. And I love how you spoke to we
• 1:03:32
  can't make people do things the way we want them to do them.
• 1:03:35
  And so wearing ourselves, staying in an environment where
• 1:03:39
  it's just going to keep driving us crazy is not worth it.
• 1:03:43
  And it's not. People have to want to be
• 1:03:46
  different. And us, you know, staying there
• 1:03:49
  and doing things the way we do it, hoping someone else will
• 1:03:52
  follow hope is not a strategy. And so I love you pointed that
• 1:03:57
  out because I think we can get really hung up on that
• 1:04:00
  sometimes. And we keep thinking whether
• 1:04:02
  it's in work or relationships, if I say enough of this, if I do
• 1:04:06
  enough of that, if I show up here or do this, they're sure to
• 1:04:09
  see it. No, they're not.
• 1:04:12
  I mean, maybe they will, but is it worth what it's costing you
• 1:04:16
  to to take that chance? So thank you for that.
• 1:04:19
  That was such a good point. And just all the parts of our
• 1:04:22
  life that make up who we are, that bring us joy and
• 1:04:25
  contentment, our relationships, our family, the travel.
• 1:04:28
  Travel's a value of mine as well.
• 1:04:31
  My husband and I always are trying to at least, you know,
• 1:04:34
  once or twice a year do something new, see something
• 1:04:37
  new. And so making sure those are the
• 1:04:39
  things you're incorporating as part of all the pieces that make
• 1:04:43
  up your life. Thank you for that.
• 1:04:44
  So good. All right, in living out field,
• 1:04:47
  finding empowerment, embracing layers which you you have
• 1:04:52
  displayed so beautifully today. Talk to me about the impact that
• 1:04:56
  has on your relationship with yourself as well as your
• 1:04:59
  relationship with other people. I think that because I stay true
• 1:05:07
  to myself, most of my relationships are true
• 1:05:11
  relationships. Every once in a while you're
• 1:05:14
  going to find one that you thought was a relationship that
• 1:05:18
  maybe it was, but maybe today it's not what it was a few years
• 1:05:22
  ago. It's OK.
• 1:05:23
  You can move on every relationship and there's room
• 1:05:27
  for new relationships. So I think that that it's as
• 1:05:30
  simple as that. If I meet you and we clicked, we
• 1:05:34
  have a relationship, but just because I was friends with you
• 1:05:38
  for 20 years, maybe we're different now.
• 1:05:41
  So I it hurts. It hurts, you know, but maybe
• 1:05:46
  it's just not. We just don't have those things
• 1:05:50
  in common anymore. We see each other, We give each
• 1:05:52
  other a hug when we see each other.
• 1:05:54
  But our lives have taken different turns.
• 1:05:56
  And especially when you, when you own a business, when you
• 1:06:01
  know, in my case, a very successful marriage, you know,
• 1:06:06
  and not everybody has had a successful marriage and you
• 1:06:10
  know, children that are doing well, not everyone has that or
• 1:06:15
  not everyone has children. So we're, we're going to have
• 1:06:19
  different wants and needs as we get older.
• 1:06:23
  And some people will be along for the ride the whole way and
• 1:06:26
  other people won't be. But to me, as long as you
• 1:06:31
  respect each other, no matter if something ends, a business
• 1:06:35
  relationship, a personal relationship, respect is the
• 1:06:39
  most important thing. And be true to yourself.
• 1:06:42
  I, I, I just can't. I can't deiterate that enough.
• 1:06:47
  Thank you. That's so good.
• 1:06:48
  And those are such key components.
• 1:06:50
  And if if you don't take anything else away from this
• 1:06:53
  episode today, ladies, that those are your two very
• 1:06:56
  important keys and they won't let you down if you stay true to
• 1:06:59
  those. Thank you so much for that.
• 1:07:01
  All right, we're down to the, we're wrapping up here.
• 1:07:04
  Name 5 activities that nourish you.
• 1:07:08
  Oh my goodness 5 activities that nourish me family, especially my
• 1:07:15
  grandson. Definitely travel, learning
• 1:07:22
  something new every day I. Love that.
• 1:07:25
  Book club I love, I love. I'm in two book clubs.
• 1:07:29
  I love reading books. I love when I get to go to
• 1:07:32
  author events, especially in person.
• 1:07:34
  There's nothing. There's nothing like reading,
• 1:07:37
  you know, and I'm going to be corny on the last one for
• 1:07:40
  nourishment. I love trying new restaurants
• 1:07:43
  and especially with family or friends to to, to try a new
• 1:07:49
  restaurant. All of these elements, really.
• 1:07:52
  And, you know, I can go on about, you know, exercising and
• 1:07:55
  working out and walking and, yeah, OK, you know, but.
• 1:07:59
  But but those elements you just met, those are part of yourself
• 1:08:03
  care too. I want to bring that back in
• 1:08:05
  that we sometimes we minimize the amount of things that fit
• 1:08:10
  into that box. That is so important.
• 1:08:11
  I love a good new restaurant. I love a good new
• 1:08:14
  recommendation. My Uber driver gave me a
• 1:08:16
  recommendation for a Cuban bakery down in Southern
• 1:08:19
  California. The next time I go, then I'm
• 1:08:22
  like, yes, I'm going to go find that place.
• 1:08:24
  So I love that. I think that's so great.
• 1:08:26
  All right, 5 words on how you want to feel the next six
• 1:08:29
  months. 5 words on happy, healthy, fulfilled, a little
• 1:08:47
  thinner. And.
• 1:08:51
  Educated. Well, that you're learning
• 1:08:55
  something new every day. You're going to be, you're going
• 1:08:56
  to hit that one easily. And all those thank you so much
• 1:08:59
  today for your time, Andrea. I've enjoyed this conversation
• 1:09:03
  so much. It's been so fun to get to know
• 1:09:05
  you more in this side of you. And, and I, I think that you
• 1:09:09
  have laid out a beautiful formula for yourself.
• 1:09:12
  And I can see how you're not only a helper to your people
• 1:09:16
  that you work with and helping them get the word out about what
• 1:09:19
  they do, but you understand the importance of the full aspect of
• 1:09:23
  your life of Wellness in all the areas.
• 1:09:26
  And I think that having you as that support person that
• 1:09:30
  understands the full lived experience of not just work is
• 1:09:34
  so valuable in someone who is guiding and directing people and
• 1:09:38
  helping them let people know what they're about.
• 1:09:41
  So thank you so much for that. Tell a little people where they
• 1:09:45
  can find you and follow you. This will also be on our
• 1:09:48
  website, on our resources page on embracinglayers.com.
• 1:09:52
  But let people know where they can find you, follow you, work
• 1:09:54
  with you. Well, Melissa, thank you so much
• 1:09:57
  for this conversation. I think you and I finally could
• 1:09:59
  have talked for like another five hours.
• 1:10:01
  And I know that if we live near each other, we'd be out having
• 1:10:03
  coffee. So thank you so much for having
• 1:10:06
  me as your guest. Andrea Pass Public Relations is
• 1:10:10
  the name of my company, so my website is Andrea Pass PR.
• 1:10:15
  I'm on LinkedIn Andrea Pass. I am on Facebook, Andrea Pass
• 1:10:20
  Public Relations. I'm on Instagram, Andrea pass
• 1:10:24
  PR, I'm on blue sky, I'm on Twitter.
• 1:10:27
  I'm all over the place. So so you'll you'll find me
• 1:10:31
  there. I run a networking group called
• 1:10:33
  Access success networking. It meets the third Thursday of
• 1:10:36
  every month at 2:00 PM Eastern, 11 AM Pacific.
• 1:10:39
  It is open to all people in business.
• 1:10:42
  It is a complimentary group, so look us up on LinkedIn and and
• 1:10:45
  feel free to to join us. And I do offer a complimentary
• 1:10:50
  half hour consultation if public relations is what you're looking
• 1:10:54
  for, for your service based business, your consumer product
• 1:10:59
  based business, your book, your nonprofit.
• 1:11:02
  But I am clear. I do charge for my services, but
• 1:11:05
  I do have a complimentary A complimentary half hour
• 1:11:08
  consultation. But I'd welcome the chance and
• 1:11:10
  just tell me you heard me, you know, on on layers,
• 1:11:15
  unapologetically. All right, all right, well,
• 1:11:18
  thank you so much for being here with me today.
• 1:11:20
  I appreciate this so much feel podcast audience go to
• 1:11:24
  embracinglayers.com. Check out what Andrea offers,
• 1:11:27
  follow her on social media, learn from her.
• 1:11:30
  Even if you don't work with her directly.
• 1:11:32
  She's got so much to offer and I love and network this week.
• 1:11:36
  You're you're the thing that I really want you to do is think
• 1:11:39
  of a way you can support yourself and another woman, how
• 1:11:43
  you can connect with them, advocate for them, share what
• 1:11:46
  they do that that networking community piece is so valuable
• 1:11:50
  in how we support each other. Andrea, thank you for your time.
• 1:11:53
  Go enjoy that grandson and we'll talk soon.
• 1:11:56
  Listeners, have a great week. Hello, Melissa Crook here.
• 1:12:03
  Thank you so much for joining us on the field podcast today.
• 1:12:07
  Finding Empowerment. Embracing Layers.
• 1:12:10
  I hope you found today's framework and resources
• 1:12:14
  supportive and informative. To learn more about all that we
• 1:12:18
  offer here at the Embracing Layers Network, visit
• 1:12:21
  embracinglayers.com. You can go to our contact form
• 1:12:26
  to schedule me as a speaker for your next conference, workshop,
• 1:12:29
  or seminar. You can go to our book page to
• 1:12:32
  order our book, The Jessica Garrison, our wonderful and
• 1:12:36
  talented writer and author authored with my support and
• 1:12:41
  engage with this framework in written form with your journal
• 1:12:45
  or in a book club with other women, inviting them on this
• 1:12:48
  journey with you. You can look at our resources
• 1:12:51
  page for all of the helpful and insightful resources our guests
• 1:12:55
  offer and share. You can find the schedule for
• 1:12:58
  our weekly Together We Feel Women's panel conversations that
• 1:13:02
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• 1:13:06
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• 1:13:11
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• 1:13:15
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• 1:13:20
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• 1:13:23
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• 1:13:27
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• 1:13:31
  week. Share with your friends and give
• 1:13:33
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• 1:13:36
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• 1:13:40
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• 1:13:44
  Layers journey. Take good care and thanks for
• 1:13:48
  giving us some of your valuable time today.
• 1:13:50
  We truly appreciate you so deeply.