Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / The Boy in Blue

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The Boy in Blue · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:01
Oh, God. Oh, my God. So what's your favorite
0:23
water sport? that's conducted in russian hotel
0:28
rooms does the do they involve water beds no
0:32
typically no there is some water on a bed usually
0:35
yeah it's pee stuff yeah oh no oh god i drank
0:43
a soda before i came over here so i'm gonna be
0:45
fucking it's a terrible idea yeah why'd you do
0:47
that i took a nap and then i was like i'm tired
0:50
so i needed like a little energy but i didn't
0:52
want to drink coffee yet well also because it's
0:54
fucking hot and so i had like half a soda i was
0:58
like soda's gross and then i threw it away in
1:00
your garbage oh good yeah yeah thanks well technically
1:03
you're recycling i mean i appreciate that rachel
1:06
would get mad at me if it was in the garbage
1:07
can so she would blame me too yeah why are you
1:11
drinking coca -cola god on a hot day it's not
1:15
even the true sugar cane stuff god nope it was
1:17
not it was just full -on gross ass normal soda
1:21
corn syrup soda what's the temperature corny
1:25
up there it's like 90 ish yeah yeah so it's about
1:29
the same here yeah well i mean you're not that
1:31
far far away well portland is actually usually
1:34
a good five to ten over us especially on the
1:37
hot yeah yeah all right that's fair something
1:40
about marine layers closer to hell speaking of
1:44
hell our brows what Oh, the head coach for Baylor
1:48
that helped with sexual assaults. Yeah, that
1:52
guy. Fuck yeah, this is a good conversation.
1:54
What was his favorite water sport? It was probably
1:58
water rafting. I quit. Oh, gross. That's where
2:03
you just fill a big water raft with piss. Did
2:08
any of you guys ever know somebody to put pee
2:11
in a super soaker? No, I never knew anyone who
2:14
actually did the pee in the super soaker. Do
2:15
I know one now? No, everybody wants to. Like,
2:19
peeing in the super soaker sounds like the greatest
2:22
thing in the world. Right. But you never get
2:25
that back. That's always the pee super soaker,
2:29
no matter how many times you boil it. Oh, yeah,
2:32
that's fair. People are boiling their super soaker?
2:33
No, there's always pee in the super soaker after
2:36
you put it in. I mean, so there's never and it's
2:38
never known as anything else. That's fine. I
2:42
mean, especially when like when you're of the
2:43
age where you have a super soaker, you didn't
2:47
buy that and you know you're not getting another
2:48
one if you ruin it. That's a good point. mom
2:51
is definitely not giving you a new one that you
2:53
filled with piss you know it's like hey guess
2:55
what sean you get to keep that one forever enjoy
2:58
your piss soaker whatever i'd be piss soaking
3:00
everything then i'd be like okay mom this is
3:02
what we're doing now mr mcdonough wet himself
3:04
do this is super soaker still a brand i mean
3:11
the need for water guns hasn't gone away Did
3:15
you guys ever have the backpack one? Oh, yeah.
3:18
No, actually, I didn't have it, but a friend
3:19
did. Yeah, it's always a friend. It's always
3:23
the rich friend, too. It's always the one that
3:25
has the mansion on the hill. That's, I guess,
3:28
for the Eastern Washingtonian here, literally
3:31
the friend that had an airstrip in his backyard.
3:33
Like, yeah, that guy. Yeah. Of course that dude
3:36
has the backpack. I didn't associate with any
3:39
people like that. My rich friend just had like
3:42
a bigger house than I did. Yeah. He just got
3:45
to watch TV in the hours that I didn't get to
3:47
watch TV. I was like, oh man, his life is so
3:49
rich. He didn't have a private fucking jet. He
3:51
didn't have a pool in a Cessna's backyard. No.
3:55
No, no, he still drank from the hose, but he
3:57
had the super soaker that had the backpack attachment.
4:00
A backpack full of piss. Yeah. How long do you
4:04
think it would take to fill that backpack? Well,
4:06
if we all pool our resources, I think we could
4:08
do a pretty good job. Yeah, I mean, you've got
4:10
the whole hose there. So you just put the hose
4:13
in your mouth. Oh, yeah. You just let it cycle
4:15
through. That's true. And eat asparagus at the
4:18
same time. So obviously, we're talking about
4:23
The Boy in Blue. Which is a movie with Nicolas
4:26
Cage. And zero piss. Zero piss. Honestly, I expected
4:32
more of that. Yeah, I mean, if you're already
4:35
out on the water, I'm surprised we didn't see
4:37
more of those guys just wanging one off the side
4:40
of their little boat and just having a piss mid
4:43
-row. It's very unrealistic if there's somebody
4:46
not pissing off their boat at some point during
4:48
the film. Yeah. i think he just ran into other
4:51
people's boats for a reason to jump in the water
4:53
and then take a leak very valid take i never
4:56
thought because it was the 1800s so like propriety
4:59
dumb yeah he did wear cool like uh dude capris
5:05
he definitely wore the old school henleys that
5:09
are i don't get why that's still a thing but
5:11
that's definitely still a rowing thing wait explain
5:14
so like uh the henley is a regatta over in england
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still um one of the places that they actually
5:22
still they're that they actually showed it on
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the tips but yeah they legitimately have these
5:28
really stupid shirts that have like a little
5:30
instead of like the buttons right there it's
5:33
like a little thin piece of fabric right down
5:36
the center like where the buttons would be for
5:38
like your normal polo and it's like yeah no that's
5:42
a apparently that's a henley shirt that they
5:44
can wear while they're rowing it's very stupid
5:47
but also very british seems to work yeah i mean
5:50
fucking he could row yeah every i said everybody
5:53
wearing one of those in this movie fucking road
5:56
yeah well the crazy bit is i mean shoot we can
6:01
go into all the rowing stuff here in a bit but
6:03
oh yeah we're going deep on the road Most of
6:08
my notes are on all of the rowing stuff. For
6:12
anyone who doesn't know Hayden, he is a slut
6:14
for sports. What? And a real coxswain, like a
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professional coxswain. And the coxswain is the
6:21
guy who sits in the boat and tells other boys
6:23
how to stroke the boat. You're welcome. Yeah.
6:26
yeah you're good at telling never mind both boys
6:29
had a both boys had a stroke keep it short boys
6:32
so in all honesty i only i only i wrote in college
6:36
i wrote in college but like yeah we were only
6:39
in the fours and the eights for for rowing side
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of things so the sing is that how many boys yeah
6:46
okay so the singles was always there was no person
6:50
in there although back in the day apparently
6:52
like i was looking through some old records And
6:55
they had a coxed pair, which was literally just
6:57
two people in a boat with somebody steering the
7:00
boat, which is so bad. So bad. That's where you
7:06
just propel yourself somehow by jerking each
7:08
other off. Yeah, it's like one of those old -timey
7:11
railroad carts. The pull carts. Yeah. But it's
7:15
like, as you row, you're just jerking your buddy
7:17
off. Yeah, I mean, everybody wins. It would be
7:19
very impressive just to have the dexterity. They
7:23
would have to be, like, monkey -deep goofy to
7:24
be able to reach around and just have the bubblegum
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arms. Uh -huh. I don't get that reference. Oh,
7:29
my God. Oh, you're not inert enough for that?
7:32
Sean only deals in sports, Hayden. Yeah. Welcome
7:37
back to Cage Magical and Around a Bow Wave meeting
7:39
Nicholas Cage. I am regretting all of my life
7:42
decisions. My name is Sean. I'm here with my
7:44
co -host, Nick, and our producer, Peter. Hello.
7:48
And you've already met Hayden. We don't need
7:50
to introduce him again. I already know Hayden's
7:54
favorite water sports, so it's OK. And as Peter
7:58
alluded to earlier, we're discussing the boy
7:59
in blue. What made you think you wanted to get
8:02
in a boat with other dudes and just be the guy
8:04
who yells? uh if you want me to be truthfully
8:07
honest about this and not joking about it it
8:09
was literally i would we're an honesty podcast
8:12
so yeah very honesty podcast i was i was on a
8:16
european trip right between uh my uh it was basically
8:20
my graduation gift and there was a guy that wrote
8:23
in in high school that was on the trip and he
8:25
was like you'd be really good at yelling at people
8:27
so That's the weirdest take. I would never pick
8:31
that for you. You're like the nicest motherfucker.
8:36
And so I was light enough to do it. I think I
8:38
get to read through the lines here. What he was
8:40
telling you is you never shut the fuck up. Yeah,
8:45
you're small and you don't shut up. These are
8:48
good traits. Don't worry. They're better now
8:50
that I'm in Portland. Okay, so some foreigner
8:53
told you to yell at people in boats and you were
8:56
like, you know what? I could do that. And so.
8:59
I started, I had no experience going into college
9:02
and won a national title my first year. And then
9:05
from there, just kind of fell in love with yelling
9:07
at people in the back of the boat while not knowing
9:10
completely how to row. Which, if you're somebody
9:13
in rowing, that's about right. You won a national
9:15
title or the people rowing the boat won a national
9:17
title? We all won a national title. Yeah, they
9:19
couldn't have done it without him. It is a we.
9:21
It is a we. He was a we. You didn't we. Nobody
9:26
we's. We established there's no we -ing in rowing.
9:30
I have to say for this movie, the cover of this,
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the cover I've seen and the photo of Nick Cage
9:35
I've seen specifically for this movie, not what
9:38
I was expecting this movie to be. I was expecting
9:40
a rough tumbling street fighting man. He kind
9:43
of was. Yeah. Yeah. They just kind of. I'm looking
9:47
at this jacked picture of Nicolas Cage with a
9:49
headband with a bandana all like sweated up.
9:52
And I'm like, he's going to go kick some ass
9:54
down by the docks. Oh, no. See, you're still
9:57
stuck up on. rumble fish rumble fish like we
10:01
want everything to be a fish yeah i love rumble
10:04
fish i mean he did look like he was supposed
10:06
to be an extra in mulan but still he is jacked
10:09
as fuck this is probably the strongest cage has
10:11
ever looked right definitely the like cleanest
10:14
like leanest muscle and literally just based
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off of the rowing footage it looked like he was
10:19
the person actually rowing in a lot i think he
10:21
was i mean he doesn't really fuck around like
10:23
i think now that he's like older and fatter i
10:26
think he doesn't do a lot of the stunts as much
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or they cater the stunts a little bit down yeah
10:31
for sure oh i do want to say a nice uh through
10:34
line in his career still banging with pants on
10:37
yeah yeah that's the only way to fuck especially
10:41
while cops are knocking on the door apparently
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he's always ready for a gunfight He never disrobes
10:48
before. Was that the worst sex scene we've seen
10:51
of him? Vampire's kiss. Total lack of passion.
10:58
Even with the yogurt. There was passion with
11:00
this one, at least. Yeah, it seemed like he was
11:03
trying to have a good time with Dulcy. i do like
11:06
her oh face at the end yeah i don't know i still
11:09
think uh drive angry has some pretty passionless
11:13
sex like he's got the sunglasses on and everything
11:16
that was like the style it's like crank style
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where he just has to keep going you know if i
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don't fuck or drink i've got to go back to hell
11:24
i guess yeah you got to keep sinning to stay
11:27
out of hell that's right that's right so hayden
11:30
why don't you tell us what like the plot of this
11:32
film was uh so the plot of the film dude dude
11:36
doesn't want to go row uh literally my entire
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favorite quote in the movie is at the very or
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is close to the very beginning and one of his
11:44
very first lines rowing in the hot sun too much
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like work legitimately that's the or so it goes
11:54
from there to a guy that actually turns out to
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be one of the best rowing champions of all time
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if you go by the amount of consecutive races
12:02
and all that Had you ever heard of Hanlon? No.
12:04
Yeah, I didn't either. What? He's early 18. A
12:07
professional coxswain like yourself had never
12:09
heard of Ned Hanlon? 1800s, man. Canadian rower
12:13
from 1878? World champion Ned Hanlon with 200
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consecutive wins? I got to be honest, anybody
12:21
before 1900, I have not heard of, and I'm okay
12:26
with saying that. Who's your favorite rower?
12:29
Rower? Yeah. Okay, well, hold on. Who's your
12:32
favorite coxswain? Let's start there. Oh, my
12:34
God. Man, there's a few coxswain tapes I used
12:40
to actually listen to back in the day, but I
12:42
totally don't know their name because I would
12:46
have actually written them down and everything,
12:48
but no, I didn't. I generally don't learn their
12:51
names either. It's just all about getting what
12:53
I want and then... closing the tab what is a
12:56
coxswain tape is it just men yelling grown men
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yelling the word row over and over again so essentially
13:02
like as it's just like any other thing like for
13:06
you guys you know how you guys record yourselves
13:07
and you make you actually listen back to the
13:09
episode sometimes at least i hope sometimes you
13:12
do yeah that's actually probably saying with
13:14
a voice like this no but uh we used to i used
13:18
to listen back to other people's uh especially
13:22
like from the Olympics and some of the world
13:26
trials, I would listen to some of their, to some
13:29
of their cadences and try to pick up on some
13:31
of the calls that they would, or that some of
13:33
these people that were a lot better than me would
13:35
make. Oh, okay. Just to see if I, if it would
13:38
work for practices and things. So you're not
13:41
just on the back, just screaming now, now. now
13:45
now now now that's all it was it was just seems
13:50
easy yeah it's it's essentially now essentially
13:54
you're just trying to make like the coxswain
13:56
which is not in this movie at all whatsoever
13:58
it literally essentially there we're just trying
14:02
to help make sure that we stay on a race plan
14:04
to make sure and try to make sure that we try
14:07
to win the race as best as possible Isn't that
14:09
literally everyone's job on the team, though,
14:11
except they actually do something? Yes, but they're
14:13
tired, so they don't want to make strategic calls,
14:16
but I do. Yeah, the coxswain is the only one
14:18
who gets to see where you're going, right? Yeah,
14:20
because everybody's turned backwards and they
14:22
can't see what's in front of them. That makes
14:23
sense. Yeah, right. So there is some benefit.
14:26
Which is why they keep on making the insult of,
14:30
I'm going to piss down your back, which is such
14:32
a weird one. Now we're back to piss again. Yeah,
14:35
yeah, yeah, yeah. um so if you had to tell the
14:38
boat to move like turn 15 degrees starboard how
14:42
would you do that i would just do it i have the
14:45
rudder i can just use the rudder and oh that's
14:48
cheap you gotta or the more fun way to do it
14:52
like if there's a massive degree that you have
14:55
to move and you can't uh do it just do it the
14:58
rudder there's at points there would be people
15:01
that would actually stick their hand into the
15:03
water off the side of the shell and that would
15:06
give you more drag yeah and so it would actually
15:08
it would basically basically drift it's like
15:12
an ebay it's a massive drift that's sick i actually
15:15
pulled that off in a couple races once and i
15:17
felt like such a badass oh yeah you fucking tokyo
15:20
drifted the boat it was great nice i'm really
15:22
excited about that did you ever use any accents
15:27
or do any like voice work i tried and they made
15:32
fun of me so much what did you do so so it wasn't
15:38
it wasn't scottish or south african it would
15:41
be it was always english because our uh our coach
15:45
at the time that when i first started he was
15:48
english he literally wrote for cambridge so i
15:51
tried to to mimic his voice or i would uh mimic
15:55
our uh our uh head coach's voice because he he
16:00
had a just an iconic for for us at washington
16:04
state at the time he had a really iconic just
16:07
cadence just like ha all righty gentlemen let's
16:12
go so it was always fun i didn't even have to
16:17
ask you to do that yeah that was great so did
16:20
you first and then all right so ned hanlon uh
16:28
-huh i really enjoyed reading about this dude
16:30
because i was like what the fuck this is a weird
16:32
character and cage doesn't play like a he doesn't
16:34
do a great job this is not his finest acting
16:36
you know he's very like nonchalant american in
16:40
as a canadian hero but i was reading about him
16:43
i think he says a once yeah So, all right, Hanlon,
16:46
who was only 5 '8", weighed a mere 150 pounds,
16:50
yet his powerful stroke enabled him to beat larger,
16:52
stronger men. While he rarely rode at more than
16:54
30 strokes per minute compared to as many as
16:56
42 for his rivals, he usually led from the start,
16:58
often toying with opponents. During his championship
17:01
race against Morris, he slowed down, twice stopped
17:04
altogether to enable the American to make a race
17:06
of it, and he still won by three lengths. He
17:08
competed with icy calm and mastered psyching
17:12
out opponents with timely taunts. He had no qualms
17:14
about humiliating those who he disliked. While
17:17
racing the arrogant tricket, he chatted with
17:18
spectators, blew them kisses, stopped and waited,
17:21
faked a collapse, rode in zigzags while the Australian
17:23
labored in his wake. And on one occasion, Hanlon
17:26
crossed the line so far in front that he leisurely
17:28
rode back to his opponent and then beat them
17:30
again. So essentially, you know what that means?
17:33
Especially during this time. You know what that
17:36
sounds like? What does it sound like? It sounds
17:39
like an interesting movie. It was all of that
17:43
shit. I know. I mean, I wish they had done a
17:46
little more of that kind of stuff. That was half
17:47
of my notes, by the way, was just how much of
17:50
a thing that they tried to make this up. But
17:53
now knowing that bit more so than it makes a
17:58
lot more sense. But I will say this. It sounds
18:02
like everybody of the time period didn't know
18:04
how to use their legs. that is exactly like as
18:09
somebody trying to analyze this because the entire
18:11
thing was he was the first person to use a slidey
18:14
seat yeah instead of a greasy butt instead of
18:17
a greasy butt on a literally just a board a board
18:20
but literally bum boys oh greasy bum boys but
18:23
literally The entire rest of the field didn't
18:26
know how to use their legs in the rowing stroke,
18:28
which is where 80 % of your power comes from
18:31
if you listen to any rowing coach. So literally,
18:35
they're not using 80 % of their power source.
18:37
If you didn't use your legs, it would be the
18:40
biggest handicap of all time to give somebody.
18:44
So the sliding seat really changed the game.
18:47
100%. It's honestly the biggest outside of...
18:52
moving outside of ores and or literally the carbon
18:56
fiber like rowing shell it's the it's the biggest
19:00
invention to rowing yeah i mean doing this was
19:03
a real bitch just hand paddling your way i'm
19:09
sculling i'm sculling i'm sculling what i found
19:11
fascinating about this story was the opening
19:15
like the opening like text crawl that said you
19:19
know before baseball and football there was called
19:24
whatever it's called ruined and i all i could
19:27
think was man there really was a sport more boring
19:31
than baseball yeah it's soccer but oh oh 90 minutes
19:37
of dudes running around in a field to get a draw
19:40
and be happy about it fuck off sorry a tie a
19:44
tie but legitimately like back in the day like
19:48
even in seattle and across over to like the east
19:53
coast like rowing was one of if not the biggest
19:56
sport like there were there were crowds back
19:58
in the day that were like 50 plus thousand watching
20:01
rowing races back in the early like 1900s in
20:04
seattle i mean there really wasn't much to do
20:06
there was no booze because of fucking prohibition
20:09
prohibition assholes no tv no But they do say
20:14
that they want to shoot you. You're fucking with
20:15
your clothes on. Yeah. Did anybody else find
20:20
the cops in this just really freaking weird?
20:23
Well, we've always watched Nick Cage movies and
20:25
noted that the cops suck. There's only one cop
20:27
that we've ever counted as good, and it was because
20:29
Nick hated the movie and he killed one of the
20:32
main characters. That's true. I didn't like that
20:34
cop. Otherwise, all the cops are bad. They shoot
20:36
so fucking fast. They're just assholes and bumbling
20:39
morons. Typical cops. Typical cops. Yeah, cops
20:41
suck. Fuck the police. I do love at the beginning
20:45
of this film when the cops try and like get him
20:47
while he's bootlegging. They like grab the they
20:50
grab the rope to pull him in and like he just
20:53
cuts the rope, hops out of the boat, which is
20:56
like six inches deep and like starts running
20:58
away. They could have just walked up to the boat
21:00
and grabbed him. Yeah, you would think. Well.
21:02
He was kind of out there. It was just a really
21:05
shallow shore there. But yeah, they could have
21:08
made a run for it instead. But, you know, cop
21:10
boots, maybe. Maybe they don't get paid enough
21:14
to. They didn't want to. They didn't want to
21:16
clean all their nice, clean uniforms, you know,
21:19
or they were rich. I think all the races should
21:21
have been bootlegger races where it's all at
21:23
nighttime and you have a boat full of fucking
21:25
booze. That would have been sick. Outrunning
21:27
the cops? Well, in that first scene where, or
21:32
not first scene, it was when he gets back to
21:34
his house where they're like, you should see
21:36
him when he's running away from the cops. Like
21:39
that would, I wanted to see more of that. More
21:42
of the booze running? Yeah, like where he, I
21:45
mean, shoot, in the one scene we do get of him
21:47
running from the cops, he literally rose through
21:49
one of their own boats. Yeah. Oh, I do have to
21:53
say, this movie kicks ass. It has boat chases.
21:56
It does have boat chases. The whole movie is
21:57
boat chases. It's mostly boat chases, yeah. Yeah.
22:00
And I love boat chases. This movie is like 60
22:04
% boat chase, 40 % montage. Yeah. Very fair.
22:09
Honestly, this movie is... Two separate training
22:12
montages. Yeah, but they don't feel like montages.
22:16
They feel like easygoing montages. Or sabotage
22:21
montages. Was there a sabotage montage? Well,
22:25
maybe not. No, there was just sabotage. Just
22:27
sabotage. Just regular sabotage. Was it two or
22:31
three sabotages in this? I got really confused.
22:34
So, okay, they try to poison him at one point.
22:37
Yeah. Oh, yeah. They try to beat the shit out
22:39
of him a couple times. Okay, so there's three.
22:41
Some of these are just good -natured fun, though.
22:43
Yeah. Then his buddy Bill tries to sabotage Trickett
22:47
by fucking with his seat, but I was very confused
22:49
while I was watching that because I was like,
22:51
is Bill being an asshole and fucking with Cage's
22:54
seat? That was one that I actually understood
22:56
what was going on there because they were all
22:59
on the same payroll as Dingle McCringleberry.
23:03
Yeah, Dingle McCringleberry. Are you talking
23:04
about Knox? Knox. Knox. Also, Christopher Plummer
23:08
as Knox was great. I loved him. Yeah. Amazing
23:11
mustache. Amazing mustache. The real star of
23:13
this movie are the mustaches. Very much so. Knox
23:16
had one of my favorite quotes. I don't know if
23:18
anybody else had that same quote, but. All right.
23:21
So his. So Bill and Knox and Cage are sitting
23:25
around and Knox is trying to convert. cage to
23:28
come be his like his dude and bill says big words
23:32
don't butter the beans colonel oh i'll see to
23:36
it that everyone's beans get buttered it is such
23:40
a good quote yeah that is a good one butter them
23:44
beans uh if we're just doing some light quote
23:48
work right now uh my my quote from this movie
23:52
is boats are life who said that is that walter
23:59
actually nobody said it i just forgot to write
24:01
down a quote and then i went to like look up
24:04
something again on the way and i was like oh
24:05
there's only one quote apparently on the internet
24:07
it's just something from nox so boats are life
24:12
my quote is uh when they're trying to get um
24:16
when bill's trying to get a boat for nick cage
24:19
at the beginning of the movie and the guy he
24:23
like had a deal with renegs they meet this kid's
24:27
like this kid's like i can get you a boat it's
24:28
like where it's like my quote is cost you a dollar
24:32
and one of them cigaroos that was really good
24:37
i love a good street urchin yeah right it's like
24:41
that kid's gonna be dead in two years a dollar
24:44
line made me think of a god what's the movie
24:48
a million ways to die in the west when they bet
24:50
a whole dollar that pulls out a dollar bill Everyone
24:53
takes off their hat. It's like, take off your
24:55
hat, boy. That's a dollar. I never saw that movie.
24:59
Yeah, me either. It's actually pretty funny.
25:02
It was right in like the saturation of Seth MacFarlane
25:04
for me where I was like, I don't know. Yeah,
25:08
I get it. I did also like the fact that Walter,
25:12
as soon as he unveils the boat to these guys,
25:15
that he's just so on the defensive. Like, yeah,
25:18
this guy's making fun of me, too. And you think
25:21
I'm queer in the head? Oh, yeah. Everybody thinks
25:23
Walter's a kook. That was weird. That was a weird
25:28
term of phrase, too, for that. Like, was that
25:30
queer? Like queer in the head. Is that like for
25:33
the time period? Absolutely. Just strange in
25:36
the head. Just weird. I guess I'd never heard
25:39
that term of phrase before watching this one.
25:41
You can still be queer in the head and straight
25:44
in the bed. Where is your curly mustache, sir?
25:47
I know. I should have a sweet ass mustache like
25:50
the colonel. Oh, that's what my nap did. I was
25:54
supposed to go down to the fucking party store
25:56
and buy a mustache today. Oh, fuck. Damn, that's
26:00
disappointing. I don't think I have one in the
26:02
costume box. I'm sorry. I'm looking at this cast
26:05
on IMDb and like half the cast does not have
26:09
like photos. Yeah, I mean. This movie was made
26:14
for the CBC. If I remember right. Because it
26:18
was weird that they cast Nick Cage, period. Yeah,
26:22
except that he's, you know, in pretty good shape
26:24
and he's had a couple of movies under his belt
26:27
at this point. He was a bit of a name, but like
26:29
it's weird for him to be a Canadian hero character
26:31
as a non -Canadian, you know, when you could
26:34
have probably found a jacked Canadian actor.
26:37
Probably the people that made this film absolutely
26:40
put a lot of care into the into the rowing side,
26:43
because I've seen a lot of movies when it comes
26:46
to this. and the rowing on it is, I mean, don't
26:49
get me wrong, the rowing's not great in this,
26:52
but it's still better than, even at points. What's
26:56
your favorite rowing movie? At this point, it
26:58
kind of defaults to Boys in the Boat, but like,
27:01
the rowing in that, you could argue that it's
27:04
worse than the stuff in this film. Yeah, what's
27:08
like the field of dreams of rowing movies? So,
27:10
Boys in the Boat, which is a fairly recent film,
27:12
name another rowing movie. I can't because I
27:16
don't know. Because I don't care. This is his
27:20
third starring lead. This is his third starring
27:22
role. So, I mean, it's still pretty new. Valley
27:25
Girl and Birdie. Right. Which, I mean, Birdie's
27:28
a great movie. Valley Girl is still high on my
27:30
list, but arguably not a great Nick Cage performance.
27:33
Better than this. This is like one of the laziest
27:35
ones, I feel. For his early career, it's pretty
27:38
lazy. Yeah, I feel like he probably just wasn't
27:41
given a whole lot. on this one but he could have
27:44
also been bored the the structure of the movie
27:47
is very much still like valley girl honestly
27:49
he he's a great cast for the character just based
27:53
off of the iron or just looking at the description
27:56
of the guy but we need more showboat oh yeah
28:00
i agree especially that that description that
28:01
i read you know it's like if they had played
28:03
that part up where he's like really kind of a
28:06
piece of shit yeah just just making the most
28:09
arrogant asshole on the water to the point where
28:12
he does it he just throws a wrench back after
28:15
he after his rigor breaks right like where his
28:18
oar connects to the boat just like just throw
28:20
it back to the dude that swam across and just
28:23
tighten it by fingers like that would be funny
28:26
as fuck yeah i mean they definitely put in the
28:28
effort to make this uh a competitive issue like
28:32
yeah we have to show him like struggle and overcome
28:35
almost lose yeah I mean, this is the problem
28:38
with like an actual semi like this is essentially
28:42
a biopic and it's one that wants to just paint
28:44
the guy as like this virtuous, like all around
28:48
likable good guy with no flaws, which makes for
28:52
a very uninteresting character. Oh, look at this
28:55
guy that was a drunk and now he's sober. I mean,
28:58
they did try to play up some of that stuff where
29:00
it's like he's missing a race or, you know, kind
29:02
of fucking up and people are losing their money
29:04
on him and all that kind of shit. Yeah, but.
29:07
When he did get that egregious foul. His whole
29:10
character is, in the beginning, a booze runner.
29:14
Is that second race? I thought was so freaking
29:18
funny and probably even more indicative to the
29:21
time, too. He was like too hungover. He was too
29:24
hungover. So everybody else puts the money on
29:27
him, but they don't want to lose their money.
29:30
So they just throw the race for everyone just
29:35
so they win their money. Yeah, I like the people
29:37
on the shore just like somebody fucking row.
29:40
I crapped my back. I can't row. Yeah, that was
29:44
pretty good. I like that. When he's at the fair
29:46
before like his first race, what was that like
29:49
steam powered like thing playing Camptown races?
29:53
that's that's how much i cared about the plot
29:55
of this film is like i just want to talk about
29:57
like weird background shit well i mean that's
29:59
the thing is there there isn't a crazy amount
30:00
of plot to talk about it's like people are betting
30:02
on him he kind of fails other people buy in and
30:06
believe in him and he comes back and he's a victor
30:08
yay you see one of the earliest ever rowing machines
30:12
of all time which i want to call tortured devices
30:14
because they suck Okay. Pains on the books. Those
30:21
machines are torture. Rowing machines aren't
30:23
cool anymore. 1878, get fucked. Yeah. Now, was
30:27
it just the rope kinds that you didn't like or
30:29
all rowing machines? Honestly, rowing machines
30:32
in general, like as somebody that didn't have
30:35
to hop on them as much. Because you weren't rowing.
30:39
Admittedly so. The only guy on the boat who wasn't
30:43
responsible for rowing. Hayden's rowing machine
30:45
was a microphone that he just had to lean into
30:47
and talk into. Correct, basically. But legitimately,
30:51
they looked... I mean, I've never been a big
30:56
fan of just machines in general that are cardio
30:58
machines. Sure. Like treadmills or any of that.
31:02
But like rowing machines in just general? They
31:07
make you hurt way more than all the rest of them
31:09
besides maybe the Versa machines, which are like
31:12
the mountain climbing ones. But that's about
31:15
it. Like it, they make you hurt way more. And
31:18
when you're doing it right, you hurt the most.
31:21
It's one of those that like you don't get the
31:24
gratification of going any further. You just
31:26
get bigger numbers on a screen and a louder fan.
31:30
Yeah, I do like that loud fan. I was contemplating
31:36
somehow borrowing one of these machines from
31:38
somebody and making you row this entire time.
31:40
Oh, that would suck. I think Bill has one. I
31:43
know. Yeah. Oh, man. He actually has a good one,
31:45
too. I think he has one of those. How would you
31:47
sell the microphone for that? We would have had
31:50
to get some sort of lapel. Yeah. No, you wouldn't.
31:53
You would get me one of the like. Oh, yeah. The
31:55
headsets with the little microphone in front.
31:58
Like the. like the slap chop guy yeah you're
32:03
gonna love my nuts watch this you're gonna love
32:06
you would have to you would have to be like hi
32:09
it's vince from slap chop i'm gonna make great
32:11
food all day you would have to make it to where
32:14
like you it's like a push to talk so that way
32:17
you wouldn't just hear me breathing the entire
32:19
time just heavily just you know you hate making
32:23
salad Now I got to listen to Slap Chop Remix.
32:29
Fucking amazing. I can't wait. Oh, God. Didn't
32:36
that guy get beat up by a prostitute? She bit
32:37
his tongue and like punched him in the face.
32:42
His mugshot is so good. I love that his name
32:45
is Vince Offer and he's a sales dude. That's
32:50
brutal. That is Christian name. That is a government
32:54
name. I think he's Jewish, but it is his government
32:57
name. Oh, man. Hi, it's Vince from Slapjob. Gonna
33:03
make great food all day. The skin comes right
33:06
off. Jesus Christ. That's amazing. I haven't
33:13
thought about that in so long. Okay, let's say
33:16
something nice about this movie. Well, OK, so
33:19
hang on before we do that, because that's a good
33:21
idea. Let's do let's do something that I think
33:24
is a boring part of this movie. What do you think
33:26
about the relationship storyline arc in the whole
33:29
thing with the lady who looks like Olivia Colman,
33:32
but isn't an afterthought? I mean, again, it's
33:35
just it's a biopic. It just goes by the numbers
33:37
like they meet, they court, they marry the end.
33:42
Yeah, I guess the drama is that she was previously
33:44
engaged. Yeah, I enjoyed that, you know. She
33:49
gets paid basically or like instructed by her
33:51
uncle to lead him on just to like get him in
33:56
their rowing pocket. And then it's like, oh,
34:00
no, I can't. I feel guilty, but there's another
34:04
man. And then it's like, I'm going to not be
34:07
with you. That pisses him off. And that really
34:10
gets him hot. I loved. when he like chases down
34:14
the carriage and he's just like and he like takes
34:18
his shirt off and he's just right there he's
34:20
like fucking look at me no i know what my favorite
34:23
quote was it was when uh cage early on said i
34:28
look bigger without my clothes on oh god that
34:33
was a fucking slap of a line i fucking loved
34:35
it yeah honestly margaret had a few good lines
34:38
too yeah I mean, her character is pretty good.
34:40
The romance is kind of lame. Yeah. Also, I loved
34:44
watching him chase that carriage down, but I
34:45
was watching it at 2x at that point, and it is
34:48
hilarious. A little Benny Hill music. Well, because
34:51
I was just like, oh, shit, he's really cooking.
34:53
I was like, oh, right, right. Double speed. Honestly,
34:59
the what was it when he takes her out on the
35:03
water for the first time? With the old lady.
35:05
With her aunt there, just on the boat. And she
35:08
just is like, yeah, I give you permission to
35:10
kiss me. Oh, yeah. Do you want to wake up now?
35:14
Yeah. Yeah, she was pretty fun, actually. He
35:17
got his beans buttered for sure. I did. I did
35:20
enjoy his. I did enjoy his friendship with Bill.
35:23
They kind of they had a good thing. And they
35:25
even had a call back to their like, you take
35:27
the two on the right at the end when Bill's getting
35:30
his ass kicked. Yeah. Bill comes around. Yeah,
35:34
the ending being a freeze frame of them about
35:36
to fight some dudes is pretty solid. Yeah, I
35:39
do like you take the two on the left when they're
35:41
only fighting two guys. But that is good imagery.
35:44
Yeah, this is like one of the most 80s films
35:48
that's ever been just. You mean 1880s? I will
35:53
say the soundtrack, like all the songs. fucking
35:55
this oh yeah the synth music was kind of strange
35:58
the all the music and then the title crawl at
36:01
the beginning and the end the jump cuts from
36:04
where there's music being played and then just
36:06
all of a sudden nothing yeah that was kind of
36:09
strange i thought there was like a weird cut
36:10
you know like it just all of a sudden was dead
36:13
is whoa what the fuck you're like how did you
36:15
get here pay attention to this scene now yeah
36:17
immediately forget that music don't worry about
36:19
it he's got a shirt on now yeah don't listen
36:22
to that music first time i watched this film
36:25
i was really bored and kept like oh just the
36:28
first time kind of coming in and out of it i
36:31
paid you know second time when i knew what was
36:33
going on i noticed a few more things but i kept
36:35
like getting in and out and easily distracted
36:37
yeah every time i'd like look back at the screen
36:40
and like being a complete completely different
36:42
place i'm like what did i miss i rewound a few
36:46
times like no it's just that's just a weird cut
36:48
yeah the editing in this movie wasn't terrific
36:52
um you know there's there's technical aspects
36:55
of this movie that we're just kind of but did
36:59
you guys see what the box office was on it no
37:02
i didn't oh is it in canadian money so yeah it's
37:05
both yeah so what do you think the budget of
37:07
this was canadian dollars 1989 1989 18 million
37:14
canadians far less i would have gone i probably
37:18
would have gone i would have gone 10 $10 million?
37:22
Less. $4 million, Canadians. Yeah, $7 .7 million
37:26
was the budget for this movie. And then what
37:29
do you think it made box office? $2 million.
37:33
It has a two in it. It's not that big, though.
37:36
Oh, no! Was it $200 ,000? $275 ,000. No! Oh,
37:43
wow. Nice. That's so bad. That's pretty rough.
37:47
But also, let's be real. the it's a story of
37:52
the first guy to have a slidey seat yeah that's
37:55
that's the first not grease bum boy he was the
37:57
first guy to not put grease on his butt which
38:01
honestly the scene of everybody everybody putting
38:05
up yes exactly everybody getting lubed up in
38:08
uh freaking philly and just laughing and having
38:11
a good time at it oh yeah they're like oh that
38:13
guy's not greasing his butt what a chump so what
38:16
you're saying is he was the first First person
38:18
to raw dog it. Yeah, he is the first person to
38:20
raw dog it. You're right. Nick Cage never wraps
38:22
it. Never does. But speaking of all the races
38:27
and stuff, I was looking through... We're jumping
38:31
right into the racism, right? Obviously. I want
38:34
to tell you about all the races. All into the
38:36
races. That was some of my very first notes on
38:41
this. The opening scene. on there oh and they're
38:45
like paddle boats yeah when they're literally
38:48
in the big tanker like rowboats and stuff uh
38:51
very much so they're very much in dinghies the
38:54
guy that was leading the race looked like he
38:57
was rowing the freaking slowest he was the slowest
39:00
freaking boat in there you look at like the strokes
39:02
that he's making there they're the shortest of
39:05
the strokes And he is rowing like it's like the
39:09
slowest. You go with what you know, man. He is
39:11
like the slowest stroke rate and the smallest
39:13
stroke. And it's just like, how the hell are
39:16
you in front of all these other guys that look
39:18
like they're rowing halfway competently? And
39:20
it's just like, what the actual hell am I watching?
39:25
Oh, man. For that first race. Although it was
39:28
really funny seeing him throw literally cages.
39:33
or side oh yeah yeah i know i love that bill
39:35
just being like yep i'm just gonna take my or
39:39
just yeah i was testing you i do i do like how
39:43
yeah bill and him race the beginning and bill
39:45
cheats and then the next scene when they are
39:47
introduced bill's like opening gambit he's like
39:50
i saw you in the race today bill fucks we can
39:53
tell you know what i'm looking forward to most
39:56
about this episode whatever what you're gonna
39:59
do with all of those clean cuts of hayden talking
40:01
about stroking it's just gonna be a super cut
40:04
we're actually gonna cut us out it's just gonna
40:06
be hayden yeah actually nick and i have been
40:07
muted this entire time yeah it's gonna be the
40:10
new slap shot remix hi it's hayden with stroking
40:15
you're gonna love my skin all day short strokes
40:22
watch this you're gonna love my nuts holy shit
40:29
we gotta watch that immediately oh absolutely
40:32
I don't know if I like this movie. I think I
40:34
don't. I get it. I think it was a little too
40:38
biopic 80s for me, but like I didn't hate it.
40:44
I thought it was better than what the Rotten
40:47
Tomatoes was in terms of just percentage. I didn't
40:51
even look at what it was. It was like a 50 something.
40:53
It was like a 54. That's not bad. Yeah, I'd put
40:56
it about about a 54, 56. Like I was expecting
41:00
to. just absolutely hate the majority of this
41:03
and it was like you know what not nearly as bad
41:06
yeah and well and ultimately that's my problem
41:10
with the film is it's not good but it's not bad
41:12
enough where it's entertaining it's very mid
41:14
and that's the worst thing a film can do for
41:17
me that's fair yeah i mean if something's a real
41:20
stinker it's easy to then like dunk on it and
41:21
have fun with that if something's really great
41:23
obviously you know you cheers it on but when
41:26
something is just like it's good enough for what
41:29
i needed of it yeah i watched an hour and 40
41:33
minutes of that also okay so for the final race
41:36
did you guys think any of that was weird at all
41:38
in the final that final race against uh tell
41:43
me about the stroke what was wrong with the stroke
41:45
yeah okay so like so short or long was it weak
41:49
so the entire time for me looking at this because
41:53
believe it or not the actor for a trick it the
41:56
Aussie guy, he actually has a fairly solid, he
42:01
actually rode fairly competent. He actually gets
42:04
to full slide, which means he actually takes
42:06
a full stroke. Hi, it's Vince with Slap Chop.
42:11
He takes a full stroke. He actually looks like
42:14
he knows what he's doing. He rose halfway clumsily,
42:18
but hey, he actually knows, he actually does
42:21
one. Cage, on the other hand, on this. He only
42:26
gets to like half slide. He only ever takes like
42:29
half a stroke. Do you think he's too tall for
42:32
the boat provided for him? Oh, no. That it literally
42:35
is just he got too uncomfortable and you can
42:38
kind of tell with the way he's coming forward
42:40
and everything. Like that's one of those things
42:42
that it's it's I guess those little things where
42:44
it's like, come on, man. I know you're racing
42:47
this guy. Just just just cut the footage to where
42:50
like he actually takes a full stroke. during
42:53
those pieces and just keep re -showing that stroke
42:56
one stroke i don't care i don't care they cut
42:59
it well like come on like these guys these the
43:04
way that they cut this movie in terms of the
43:06
rowing side otherwise i mean yes they the margins
43:10
on this for like the the fact that cage was literally
43:14
down like what looked like over like 500 meters
43:18
at one point like four to 500 meters like he
43:21
was he was down an entire curve around a river
43:24
at one point in the final yeah like that was
43:28
something i was like okay guys come on now can
43:30
you can you don't have to embellish that bad
43:33
yeah i mean that's the kind of stuff where i
43:34
think if they had set up earlier that like he
43:36
is this badass that like just toyed with people
43:38
where it's like oh you can make up ground like
43:40
maybe that would be more of a play yeah that
43:44
seems like a whole nother like story to try to
43:48
add on yeah So they were definitely trying to
43:51
just hit like a couple historical markers and
43:54
Canada can't make fun of their own guy. Yo, did
43:58
you guys know when Canada got their flag? I didn't
44:00
realize this. It was like 1960. Really? Yeah,
44:04
man. 60s? That's why they have all those British
44:06
flags. I mean, I kind of got the British flag.
44:08
I mean, they were still like a British colony.
44:09
Not at that point. They had just become their
44:11
own. That was like their big thing. It was their
44:13
like, yay. Hey, we're our own country. Now stop
44:16
drinking beer. Yeah, no more booze and we're
44:19
going to still wave the same flag. Well, that
44:21
was the whole. Thank God we've thrown off the
44:23
shackles of British tyranny and we can finally
44:25
be sober. Fuck me. So where do you guys put this
44:30
in the like grid good cage? Bad movie, good,
44:34
bad, bad, good. Sean, bad, good, bad. Bad, caged,
44:39
mediocre movie. It's like it's not, again, it's
44:43
not bad enough to be entertaining, so I don't
44:45
even want to give it that much credit. I'd give
44:49
it a fine, fine. I don't think it's like a bad
44:52
performance. It's not necessarily like riveting
44:56
or like impassioned, but. He's not doing things
45:01
that take me away from the film. Fair enough.
45:04
Yeah. I mean, this could be just directorially.
45:08
So this could be one of those things where he
45:10
just didn't have any kind of room to play with
45:14
the character. They're just like, no, we need
45:16
it this way. Just do it this way. Ned Hanlon
45:18
strokes this way. Yeah. He's always at a 45 when
45:21
he strokes this way. Just solid. Yeah. So what
45:26
are you straight in the middle? It's it's one
45:29
of those are just like like looking at this.
45:34
From my perspective, I'd I'd probably go maybe
45:37
just a six. But it is your second favorite rowing
45:41
film. There's not many. This is this is easily
45:46
like, oh, well, is this the Rudy of rowing? It's
45:51
worse. Oh, Rudy was off sides, by the way. Rudy.
45:55
I mean, that's just not a good movie. it's heart
45:58
well it's heartwarming i guess but that's also
46:02
not a nick cage film that's true yeah i think
46:05
if i were to give this movie a percentage rating
46:07
i would give it a 54 oh yeah let's let's all
46:11
grade it differently so we've got a 54 we've
46:13
got a six six uh i'll give it like two and a
46:17
half bags of chips okay how many strokes do you
46:20
give it sean yeah oh i mean at no point was i
46:24
excited during this movie so i guess a lot of
46:27
strokes just like nothing nothing about this
46:30
movie brings me to climax yeah fair enough i
46:33
don't know final thoughts what do you got anything
46:35
to wrap this sucker up this movie would have
46:37
been great if reese darby played trinket yes
46:41
i had the same thought except he would have been
46:44
like what four or something like that yeah no
46:50
he's older than that 10 i don't know Yeah. Maybe
46:55
he was that kid who wanted a cigaroo. He just
46:59
got that nice cigaroo. I'm Reese Darby. Honestly,
47:02
could we have made Trickett be the main character
47:06
of this and just had a lot more fun with this
47:08
movie? Because Trickett was such a better character.
47:12
Oh, yeah. But then we'd be making an Australian
47:14
movie. Well, Hayden, thanks for being here. Thanks
47:17
for telling us about rowing and stroking and,
47:19
you know, yelling at dudes. Yeah. And legitimately,
47:23
I was a little bit more surprised on the rowing
47:28
side, because honestly, boys in the boat didn't
47:31
do as great of a job on the rowing side, even
47:34
though they at least made it to where it was
47:36
the same actors that were rowing. Do you think
47:39
they had a stroke coach? They probably they had
47:42
to have. They had to have. They had to have had
47:44
a coach on the on the lodge. They had to. My
47:49
dream job. Do they want to call it a stroke coach?
47:51
No. No, they call it a coxswain. They had a coxswain
47:55
in the back, but they obviously had a coach on
47:57
the launch for sure. But no, it was better than
48:01
expected. A coxswain in the back and a coach
48:04
on the launch. You know what? I'm just going
48:07
to say what we're all thinking. Dragon boating,
48:09
better. Better. You got the guy with the drum.
48:12
You got the person who has to lean off the front
48:13
of the thing and grab the flag. Much more interesting.
48:16
All right. Well, thank you all for listening.
48:18
You can find us on social media if you really
48:20
care, or if you want to talk to us on Patreon,
48:23
we're on there at cage match pod or cage match.
48:26
Nope. Cage match. And thank you to our sparkle
48:29
buddies, Josh, Josie, Rico, Matt, Adam, Bill,
48:34
and Stuart. And to our cage dancers, Ira, John
48:37
Freeman, Nathan, and Cameron. Also thanks to
48:41
Bill Panks for our intro music. And that's that.
48:46
Nice. Gonna make great food all day. Bye -bye.
48:59
Aiden, why aren't you on the Patreon? Honestly?
49:04
That's a very valid question, and I appreciate
49:06
it. Now is the time where we just bring people
49:10
on who have never given us money and be like,
49:12
hey, why haven't you paid us yet? Or listen to
49:14
our show. We have a special tier of Patreon for
49:17
people who haven't paid. It's really expensive.
49:21
Nice. But it helps you catch up. I was going
49:24
to say, I guess Hayden is a silent investor.
49:26
That's true. I was one of the investors in the
49:29
board. You were a progenitor of the original
49:31
tech that we got started with all this. And we
49:34
did record in your room one time. Wait, what?
49:37
Never mind. Don't worry about it. What did you?
49:41
Okay. Where would you guys put the freaking microphones?
49:43
Just like on the bedpost? We probably put it
49:45
on the table. Yeah. Oh my God. We did a full
49:49
set up. I want a video of this. If you listen
49:51
to our podcast, you would have heard the story
49:53
like five times by now. That's also the episode
49:54
where I got really mad at everybody. It was also
49:57
Doggy Dog. It was a terrible episode. It was
50:00
a bad day. Doggy Dog and Ghost Rider? Fuck that.
50:02
Was Rosie at least on the bed? No. No. Her little
50:07
clickety -clacks are too loud. Hayden, why did
50:09
you have a computer chair but no desk? Because
50:12
I didn't need one. I'm a flight attendant. Stroke
50:15
practice. Stroke practice. Also, running around
50:18
the apartment on hardwood floors with a rolly
50:21
chair? Great. Yeah, fair enough. That's true.
50:23
Respect that. Underrated. I get it. All right.
50:27
Thanks for being here, Hayden. Hey, that's Eric's
50:29
cup chair to you. Cuck chair? Cuck chair. Wait,
50:33
you want an Eric chair or a cuck chair? No, that's
50:34
only Eric's cuck chair. I'd never have used it
50:37
since because of it. Oh, boy. All right. We'll
50:40
end on that note. Wait, no. I need context here.