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Transcript

The ABGW Method: Regulation Before Action | Your Stress Recovery Blueprint · Work Stress Anxiety | Burnout Prevention & Work Anxiety Help

• 0:22
  Speaker 0: Hi, I'm Cheryl and welcome to Work Stress Anxiety by Abgw.
• 0:30
  Speaker 0: I hope you're doing well and today we're talking about the Abgw Method and why when Work Stress, especially Work Stress, had you by the throat, the answer isn't another inspirational quote or productivity hack or someone just telling you to set better
• 0:54
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: 03AM.
• 0:59
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: Of course you have.
• 1:00
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: Because let's be honest, most women dealing with stress, especially work related stress, already have the knowledge.
• 1:10
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: You know the sensible advice. You know you need to rest.
• 1:15
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: You know you need to say You know you need to stop answering emails like as if it's a newborn babe.
• 1:24
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: You know you need to care a little less about other people's chaos. But we're living in reality here.
• 1:33
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: Knowing doesn't automatically change anything.
• 1:38
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: And that's the bit most well-being advice conveniently skips over, I think, while waving the scented lavender candle at you.
• 1:51
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: And if you're outwardly performing, privately running on fumes, or even lying awake at night, replaying the meeting, rehearsing conversations, and wondering why you can't just cope like you used to, then this episode is for you.
• 2:15
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: Because let me tell you a little secret. Are you ready?
• 2:19
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: You are not broken.
• 2:22
  boundaries as if you haven't already considered that at 02: Because your Nervous System has probably been doing night shifts for far too long.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: And today we're going to talk about the simple spine, or I call it a simple spine, of the Abgw Method.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Calm first, reality first, then change.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Not change first, not perform well-being first, not pretend everything is fine first.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Just calm first, reality first, then change.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Now, so let's start where real change actually starts.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Not with a personality transplant, but with your Nervous System.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: You see, I've always been interested for so many years, even before I knew consciously that I was, in the gap between what people look like when they're coping and what they're actually carrying.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: You know, I've lived through enough of that gap myself to know that looking capable is not the same as being okay.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: You know, there have been times when you can be functioning beautifully on paper, doing the work, keeping your diary up to date, answering the messages, remembering everybody's birthday, handling the crises, smiling at the right moment, and still feel like something inside you is being held together with some really old sellotape.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: And that's 1 of the reasons why I created the Abgw Method.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Yes, I appreciate it, mouthful, but I really thought about it because I'm not interested in telling overwhelmed women to become more resilient if the real issue is that they are already holding too much, not interested in the mind theatre.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: What I'm interested in well, maybe it's easy to tell you what I'm definitely not interested in.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely not interested in an advice that sounds good on the mug, like, you know, have a quick chat, send a quick message, a tiny male grenade wearing a business suit? No. Not interested.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: The Abgw Method came from a much more practical question that I asked myself.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: And that was, what problem are we actually trying to solve?
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Or put another way, what perspective needs loosening right now?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Because when stress has you cornered, vague self improvement is not very helpful. You don't need a new life by Friday.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: You just need enough steadiness. That's how I see it.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: You need enough steadiness to be able to think clearly, enough reality to connect, to stop blaming yourself for everything, and 1 small change you actually repeat.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: And that's where this method begins.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Because for so many high functioning women, work related stress just doesn't announce itself politely.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: It sneaks in, it bursts, it looks like you've been responsible.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Then it looks like being available, being the reliable 1, being the 1 that says yes because saying no feels like pulling a pin out of a grenade.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: It looks like resentment or a tight shoulder or poor sleep or a feeling of bread and the brain that starts this mental court case the minute, you know, it gets quiet in there.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And you might recognise this.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: You've finished work, but work somehow doesn't finish with you.
• 6:58
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: 30 meeting.
• 7:05
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Your body is at home on the sofa, but your Nervous System is somehow still in the office.
• 7:12
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: You're making dinner, but part of you is thinking, I need to think about tomorrow's email.
• 7:21
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Or you're brushing your teeth, and your brain has decided now, just now, is the perfect time to revisit that conversation you had, what, 3 days ago and assess it for possible social, professional, and spiritual crimes.
• 7:42
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: This is where people often start blaming themselves.
• 7:46
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: They think, why can't I switch off?
• 7:50
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Or why am I so tense all the time?
• 7:54
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Or why do I feel guilty for needing to rest?
• 7:58
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Or keep why do I keep saying yes to things that I don't wanna do?
• 8:03
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: And the answer is not usually because you're weak.
• 8:06
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: The answer is often your Nervous System has been trained by pressure, responsibility, a lack of recovery, all those Workplace Demands, and the old survival strategies that used to work are staying on alert. And that doesn't mean nothing can change.
• 8:31
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: It just simply means the first step truly is not to bully yourself into being calmer.
• 8:39
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: For me, the first step is to create the environment, the conditions where calm becomes possible.
• 8:49
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: And this is where the Abgw Method becomes practical because ABGW stands for awareness, balance, growth, Well-being win win. Yes.
• 9:07
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: I appreciate it's mouthful, but, really, I didn't want a decorative acronym that sits, you know, pretty.
• 9:17
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: I wanted to create a working structure.
• 9:21
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: So let's just go through that.
• 9:23
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Awareness means this it simply means this is where I am, not this is who I am. And that matters.
• 9:37
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: I'm anxious' is different from my Nervous System is active.
• 9:44
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: I'm failing is completely different from my capacity is overloaded.
• 9:53
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: I'm broken is different from I have been under too much pressure for too long.
• 10:01
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Awareness is about giving you and your body the language without turning your stress response into part of your identity.
• 10:13
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: So that's awareness. Then comes balance.
• 10:17
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Balance doesn't mean you suddenly become a serene woodland creature that never loses her keys or forgets where she put her mobile phone down. Balance is all about capacity, truly.
• 10:35
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: It means asking, what is my real bandwidth here?
• 10:41
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: What am I asking my body, my mind, my emotions to carry?
• 10:48
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Where am I pretending that I have infinite energy because everyone else finds that convenient?
• 10:57
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: This is where we stop confusing self care as scented candles and start talking about actual recovery.
• 11:08
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: We talk about micro steps, sleep detection, calendar boundaries, less automatic yeses, and more honest capacity checks.
• 11:21
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: That's balance. Then comes growth.
• 11:25
  Your laptop is closed, but your mind is still in that 04: Growth, I love growth, but growth is not as
• 11:30
  Speaker 0: a punishment program like in a lot of those
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: crazy reality TV shows. Oh, no. No. No.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Growth in ABGW means experimentation. It means exploration.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: It means discovery.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Not tests, not heroic overhauls, not new year, new me nonsense that lasts about 2 days.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: No, it just means experimentation, tiny experimentation, 1 boundary sentence, 1 pause before saying yes, 1 evening when you don't open your laptop.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: 1 moment where you decide to notice the Stress Patterns without turning it into some sort of, I don't know, characteristic assassination. And then we have win win well-being.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: And I call it that because I think of it as almost 2 circles that intersect with each other.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: And where they intersect is win win well-being.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: And that is important.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Win win does not mean everyone gets exactly what they want.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: I'll just say that.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: It means your well-being improves without your life burning down to make it happen.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: It means we look for changes that protect I say it again, we look for changes that protect your Nervous System, your dignity, your relationships, your work, and crucially, your future choices.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: It's calm with a backbone. So here is the micro step for today.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: I call it Mental WD faulty moment because sometimes Stress Patterns are like a rusty lock.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: If you attack the lock, yank it, swear at it, blame it, and demand it opens immediately because you have a
• 13:55
  Speaker 0: lot of things to do,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: and it should therefore be some sort of spiritual lubrication.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: You will probably just hurt your hand, right?
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: But if you loosen it first, something changes, doesn't it?
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: So the next time you notice a work related stress pattern going on, you just notice it. Especially 1 that's familiar to you.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Try this.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's overthinking at night or saying yes when your body wants to say no or feeling guilty for needing rest, I want you to pause and say the following words.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: This is a Nervous System moment.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I don't have to solve everything from inside this response.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: That's right. And then do 3 things.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: I want you to catch it and name what is is actually happening, whether it's I'm overthinking or I'm about to say yes automatically. Whatever it is, catch it. Keep it factual.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: And then I want you to anchor it.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: I want you to bring your body into the room.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I want you to notice your feet on the floor, your shoulders rolling back 1 centimetre.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Not because breathing fixes your life, because it gives your Nervous System a signal that everything is okay.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: That's what I want you to do. And then I want you to shift.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Ask yourself, what is 1 thing I can loosen right now?
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: Not so, not thick. Just loosen just a little bit.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Maybe you write down the thought instead of arguing with it.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Maybe you just say to yourself, let me come back to you about that. Maybe you choose to sleep over it. I don't mind.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: And that's what I mean by the w d 40 moment, a small loosening.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: But the thing is you're still acknowledging the feeling, you're still acknowledging the thought, but you're allowing your Nervous System to just loosen it a little bit because your Nervous System learns through repetition.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Now, let me just say there's a difference between relief and restoration. Relief is when the pressure drops a little bit.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: You know, you breathe out, you stop spiraling for a moment, you feel less alone. Relief matters.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: But restoration is deeper, much, much deeper.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Restoration is when those small moments start becoming familiar.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: You start noticing stress earlier.
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: You stop mistaking guilt for truth.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: You stop treating your body signals like some inconvenient noise out there, and you begin to trust yourself again.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: That's the Abgw Method. It's interested in both.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: It's interested in relief now and restoration over time.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: Because nobody needs another method that sounds clever, but only works for imaginary people with no calendars and no dependents.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 17:38
  So what I'd like you to take away from this: if you are dealing with work related stress, work anxiety, burnout, overthinking, or that just wired but exhausted feeling after work.
• 17:55
  So what I'd like you to take away from this: Do not start by demanding a full life transformation. No.
• 18:02
  So what I'd like you to take away from this: Start smaller, start steadier, start here.
• 18:07
  So what I'd like you to take away from this: Calm first, reality first, then change.
• 18:12
  So what I'd like you to take away from this: Because awareness asks what is happening, balance asks what capacity do I have, actually have.
• 18:22
  So what I'd like you to take away from this: Growth asks, What small experiment can I try?
• 18:27
  So what I'd like you to take away from this: And Win Win Well-being asks, How do I move forward without abandoning who I am? That is the method. It's not magic.
• 18:37
  So what I'd like you to take away from this: It's not fluff. A calm way back to choice.
• 18:43
  So what I'd like you to take away from this: So if this episode helped you in any way, please follow the podcast.
• 18:48
  Speaker 0: The link is in the, show notes.
• 18:52
  Speaker 0: Follow the podcast helps you keep these small, calm first reminders closed, especially on the days when your Nervous System is trying to run a full emergency department inside your skull.
• 19:07
  Speaker 0: Okay, so thanks for listening to Work Stress and Anxiety by Abgw.
• 19:14
  Speaker 0: Before you go, I just want you to take 1 moment and ask yourself, what is the 1 Work Stress pattern I don't need to solve today?
• 19:23
  Speaker 0: But could start to spray that WD 40 on just 1.
• 19:28
  Speaker 0: And remember, calm first, reality first, then change because every step you take, no matter how small, is a step towards a brighter, more balanced future.
• 19:40
  Speaker 0: Trust in your journey and remember, please remember, progress is progress no matter the pay.
• 19:47
  Speaker 0: I'm Cheryl and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye for now!