Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #450 Content Warning - Justin Tells Another Dad Joke

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#450 Content Warning - Justin Tells Another Dad Joke · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Now, there's something remarkable that happens if you can do
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: that for three or four days consistently, as much as
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: everyone goes on about go to bed at the same time.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: And I do agree with it, it's important. The best
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: way to make that happen is to get them up
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  Speaker 3: early the next day.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, My mom
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: and Dad.
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  Speaker 3: Every now and again, I come across a dad joke
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  Speaker 3: that makes me hysterical.
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  Speaker 1: The funniest dad.
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  Speaker 3: Joke that I've heard recently, I got to share with you, Kylie.
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  Speaker 3: I know you haven't heard this. Are you ready for this?
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  Speaker 2: You know the best comedians don't love with their own jokes.
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: I can't believe that you've slammed me before I've even
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: told the joke. I'm not trying to be a comedian.
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  Speaker 3: I just want to share this really funny dad.
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  Speaker 1: Joke with you.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: You know, Emily came up with a really good one.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, what was it.
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  Speaker 3: You mean, the one about the dog. Yes, we're in
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: the car and she said, wow, does something smell really bad?
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Like like dog in the car? And I said, I
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: can't smell it, and she said, oh, I got a
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  Speaker 3: really big wolf of it. And then she cracked up
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  Speaker 3: and she said, I just made a joke, dad one.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I loved it.
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  Speaker 2: All right?
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  Speaker 1: Are you ready for your expectations?
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  Speaker 3: A low?
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  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. You know what. It is, a dad joke.
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  Speaker 1: It's terrible.
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  Speaker 3: But I've been looking at the calendar lately and I'm
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: actually a little bit concerned about our calendar. Really why
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: it's days are numbered? That is a good one, isn't it.
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  Speaker 3: Tell me that was a good joke. Oh boy? All right,
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: let's get on the podcast. My name, I don't know
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  Speaker 3: if I should say my name after I've just done that.
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  Speaker 1: My name is.
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  Speaker 3: Who can I be? Kylie help me out here, I'll
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: just be me. My name's doctor Justin Colson. I'm the
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  Speaker 3: founder of Happy Families dot com, dot you, and I'm
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: not giving up my day job for comedy. Kylie, my wife,
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  Speaker 3: mum to our six kids. Today is a conversation not
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: about calendars and jokes, but.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: It's a conversation about sleep.
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  Speaker 3: How often do we find ourselves rousing on the kids
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  Speaker 3: and saying, for goodness sakes, go to sleep. I mean
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: we're still living in separate houses while we make this
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: relocation thing happen. We're so close now, we are so close.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Next week the photos are taken and the house goes
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: on the market. I mean, we're so close. But I
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: was on the phone to you the other night, and
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  Speaker 3: it must have been after nine o'clock. I was absolutely exhausted.
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  Speaker 3: And next thing, you put the phone down and you
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  Speaker 3: had to go and tell the kids. Three of the
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  Speaker 3: four kids that are still living with us to go
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: to bed after nine o'clock. Their bedtime is eight to
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  Speaker 3: eight thirty. What's going on with that?
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  Speaker 2: Navigating teenage sleep time in our house can be challenging
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  Speaker 2: at the best of times.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I thought today we might have
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: a conversation about it, because we're not doing Doctor's Desk
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  Speaker 3: episodes so much anymore.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: But this is kind of one of them.
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  Speaker 3: In part, rather running through a multitude of studies, we're
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: is going to talk about one. University of Houston recently
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  Speaker 3: published a study that shows sleep problems in children are
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  Speaker 3: related to lower social competence and more problems in peer relationships.
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  Speaker 2: I actually did find this one quite fascinating as I
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  Speaker 2: read through it. Just this acknowledgment that the more tired
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  Speaker 2: our children are, the less positive facial expressions they use.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, let me step through a few of the bits
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  Speaker 3: and pieces in this experiment, Kylie. So these researchers, it's
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  Speaker 3: only a small sample. There's only thirty seven kids, but
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  Speaker 3: the rag between seven and eleven. And they've done two
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  Speaker 3: in lab emotional assessments, one of them when they were
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  Speaker 3: well rested and another one after they had two nights
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  Speaker 3: where their sleep was restricted. So during the in lab assessments,
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  Speaker 3: what the kids are doing is they're viewing a whole
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  Speaker 3: lot of images. Some are positive like kittens and ice cream,
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  Speaker 3: and some are negative think I don't know, getting a
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  Speaker 3: vaccination shot, or looking at an angry, ferocious dog. And
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  Speaker 3: while they're looking at these, a high definition camera is
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  Speaker 3: recording their facial expressions. And what the kids parents did
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  Speaker 3: is they gave reports two years later of how their
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  Speaker 3: children's social functioning was. In fact, there was a social
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  Speaker 3: functioning now and social functioning two years later. And what
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  Speaker 3: the research is basically found is that the kids who
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  Speaker 3: displayed less positive facial expressions in response to the happy, pleasant,
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  Speaker 3: positive images when they were sleep restricted had more social
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  Speaker 3: problems two years later, even after they sort of statistically
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  Speaker 3: accounted for the earlier social problems. So, in a nutshell, basically,
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  Speaker 3: if you've got kids who are sleep deprived, they are
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  Speaker 3: less likely to show positive facial expressions when they're hanging
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  Speaker 3: out with their friends, playing, sharing a game, sharing a
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  Speaker 3: lunch or whatever. And it seems that there may be
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  Speaker 3: this longitudin less social between the negative facial expressions today
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  Speaker 3: and how socially adept, how socially cohesive they are two
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  Speaker 3: years later.
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  Speaker 1: What a fascinating study.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I guess we really need to talk about how
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  Speaker 2: we can help our kids get some great sleep.
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  Speaker 1: Let's set that after the break.
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  Speaker 3: I want to talk specifically about how we can get
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  Speaker 3: them to sleep, what we can do when there's resistance
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  Speaker 3: to overcome, how much they need, and whatever other questions
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  Speaker 3: you've got. So we'll dive into that right after this break.
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  Speaker 3: It's their Happy Families podcast.
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  Speaker 4: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home Betweens, Teens and Screens
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  Speaker 4: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: Bye today at Happy families dot com dot au slash shop.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: It's a Happy Families podcast. The podcast for the time
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now, So doctor Coulson, tell.
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  Speaker 1: Me, yes, what would you like to know?
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  Speaker 2: Well, let's start with how much sleep is optimal for
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  Speaker 2: our young kids.
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  Speaker 3: The jury is kind of out on this because everybody
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  Speaker 3: is different. It depends diet, it depends on physical health,
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: activity levels, and so many other things. It's really not
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  Speaker 3: possible to give an exact amount. What I would say
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  Speaker 3: is this, there's all kinds of ideas, all sorts of
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  Speaker 3: charts on the internet. Lots of sleep experts will say
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  Speaker 3: that let's say kids are under about the age of
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  Speaker 3: five should be getting somewhere around I'm talking three to
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  Speaker 3: five years of age. They should be getting somewhere around
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  Speaker 3: twelve hours. Kids in primary school should be getting somewhere
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  Speaker 3: around ten hours, kids in high school should be getting
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  Speaker 3: somewhere around I'm going to say nine hours, and adults
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  Speaker 3: should be getting something around about eight.
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  Speaker 1: But these are averages. These are across the board.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, we know people who can't survive on less
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  Speaker 3: than nine as adults, and we know some people who
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  Speaker 3: live pretty comfortably on about six to seven and seem
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  Speaker 3: to function really well. What I'm interested in when we
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: consider the question of how much is How is your
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  Speaker 3: child functioning? So if your child has plenty of energy,
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  Speaker 3: if their facial expressions are bright and light and delightful,
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  Speaker 3: if your child seems to be doing well, then whatever
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  Speaker 3: sleep they're getting is probably enough. But as their activity
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: levels increase, or if their diet becomes really lousy because
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: there's a week of NonStop parties that they're invited to,
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  Speaker 3: you're probably going to find that they'll need more sleep.
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  Speaker 3: I think we've got to really allow our kids' body
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  Speaker 3: clocks to work this out while still helping them to
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  Speaker 3: maintain a happy, healthy life.
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  Speaker 1: Does that answer the question?
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  Speaker 3: Or have I just done a great job of being
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  Speaker 3: a politician and not giving a clear answer at all.
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  Speaker 2: I think that was a really political answer.
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  Speaker 3: Oh gosh, Well, I think that it was a nuanced
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  Speaker 3: and careful answer.
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  Speaker 1: What's your next question? I don't know if I want
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  Speaker 1: to do this interview.
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  Speaker 2: An I'm wondering. I'm wondering if you've got some tips
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  Speaker 2: on how we can optimize our children's sleep.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Sure, So there's all the basic stuff we call this
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  Speaker 3: sleep hygiene. This is nothing that people haven't heard before.
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  Speaker 3: Make sure the room's dark, make sure that it's the
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: right temperature, make sure that there's no noise. All those
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: kinds of things will definitely help. We also know good
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  Speaker 3: research has shown for a number of years now that
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  Speaker 3: we want to be consistent with bedtimes. Sleep patterns are
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: best when we're getting our kids to go to sleep
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: at a consistent time each night, usually within about thirty.
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  Speaker 1: Minutes of their typical bedtime.
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  Speaker 3: So if bedtime is eight o'clock, we want to make
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  Speaker 3: sure that they're going to bed within thirty minutes or
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  Speaker 3: fifteen minutes either side of eight o'clock on a consistent basis.
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  Speaker 1: One late night.
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  Speaker 3: Here and there isn't going to be a problem, but
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  Speaker 3: we want to be nice and consistent. Ultimately, though, the
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  Speaker 3: conversation about how much also relates to the quality of
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  Speaker 3: the sleep. Sometimes you might get fourteen hours of sleep,
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  Speaker 3: but it's really lousy quality. You're waking up, you're tossing,
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  Speaker 3: your turning, you're cold, you're hot. Fourteen hours is not
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  Speaker 3: going to be enough in that case, Whereas if you
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  Speaker 3: get a really high quality seven hours one night, you
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  Speaker 3: might wake up feeling ready to go because you've really
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  Speaker 3: recharged through the night. So the quality matters more than
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: the quality. Although both ultimately are important.
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  Speaker 2: What about when your kids don't want to go to
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  Speaker 2: sleep like our three teenagers the other da.
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  Speaker 3: I was going to say, we've dealt with this before,
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  Speaker 3: So you've heard me have this conversation with our kids.
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  Speaker 3: And this is the advice that I've given a lot
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  Speaker 3: of parents, and that advice is really straight up.
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  Speaker 1: Don't worry about what time they go to sleep.
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  Speaker 3: Just make sure that they understand that tomorrow morning they're
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  Speaker 3: getting up on time. As much as it's important to
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  Speaker 3: have a steady go to bed time, sometimes it's not
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  Speaker 3: possible to keep that consistent. But what you can do
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  Speaker 3: is you can make wake up consistent. And so my
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  Speaker 3: advice to parents is don't stress so much if they're
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  Speaker 3: staying up, even if they're on screens, even if they're
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  Speaker 3: not doing the things that you want them to be
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  Speaker 3: doing at night time. Sometimes it's not worth the fight
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  Speaker 3: because you're not at your best and they're not going
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: to be at their best. Sometimes it's easy to say,
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  Speaker 3: you know what, don't like what you're doing, but it's
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: ultimately your choice. Just so that you know tomorrow morning
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: six point thirty, I expect that you're going to be
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: up and getting yourself organized to make things happen for
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: the day. There's something remarkable that happens if you can
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: do that for three or four days consistently, as much
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: as everyone goes on about go to bed at the
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: same time, and I do agree with it, it's important.
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  Speaker 3: The best way to make that happen is to get
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  Speaker 3: them up early the next day, or at least get
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: them up on time, regardless, no excuses. I don't care
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  Speaker 3: what happened last night. I don't care if you're up
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: until two o'clock doing an assignment. You still have to
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  Speaker 3: get up on time Tomorrow morning six point thirty. I'm
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  Speaker 3: going to be in here, sitting on the bed and
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  Speaker 3: waking you up, and I'm not going to leave the
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  Speaker 3: room until you get out of bed. When you do that,
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  Speaker 3: what happens is you don't have to deal with the fight,
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: the resistance in the evening and then in the morning
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  Speaker 3: you just be the parent. You've got the right as
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  Speaker 3: a parent to make certain requests and have certain expectations
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  Speaker 3: of your children, and one of them is that they
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: will get up on time so that they don't destroy
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: your day and everyone else's, and they can still be
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: punctual for their regular commitments. So that's kind of where
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: I land on that. I have had some parents come
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: to me for some advice even where that hasn't worked,
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: and I've actually suggested once your kids are old enough,
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: stop poleasing it entirely, and when you stop policing it
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: entirely and just let them figure it out.
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  Speaker 1: They actually do.
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  Speaker 3: It might take them a week, it might take them
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: a month, it might even take them three months. But
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: depending on their age and depending on the obstacles that
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: you're facing, what you'll often find is that within a
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: couple of days couple of weeks, once the pressure is off,
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: the actually settle into a routine that works for them.
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  Speaker 1: And usually as parents we can manage that as well.
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  Speaker 2: So I guess the take homes from today's conversation is
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  Speaker 2: it's just so important for us to establish good, solid
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: routines and structures around sleep, but take the pressure off it,
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  Speaker 2: especially when we've got teenage kids, because the most important
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: thing is you wake up time. If you can stay
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: true to wake up time, then they'll usually regulate themselves
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  Speaker 2: in time. And based on the findings from the study
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: that we've been citing from today, sleep effects every facet
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: of our lives, and so it's really important that we
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: do whatever we can to create good structures around it
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: so we can have good quality sleep.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's probably a pretty good summation. If
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: you have any feedback for US podcasts, podcasts with an
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: aes at Happy Families dot com dot a we love
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: getting your emails and hearing how you're responding to the
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: podcast and how it's helping your family. And we love
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: it when you leave five star ratings and reviews at
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, so that Apple pushes the podcast into other
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: people's feeds and they get to see it and find
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: out about it and make their families happier. We always
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: appreciate Justin Rowland, Craig Bruce. They make the podcast sound great.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: Thank you, gentlemen, the Happy Families Podcast. We'll be back
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: tomorrow with our weekly old Do Better tomorrow and then
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: on Monday, we're going to talk about a big idea
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: called weaponized incompetence. Weaponized incompetence how pretending that you don't
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: know how to do stuff can be weaponized and divide
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: labor unfairly in the home.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: It's a big idea and I can't wait to chat
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: about it. On Monday.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: In the meantime, if you'd like more info about making
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: your family happier, you can find it at happy families
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: dot com dot au