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What can you tell yourself to change your life, once and for all? · Connor with Honor: AI, Real Estate and Real Life

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what those the package of words you need to hear would be.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: That phrase, that online person, that book, that article, that headline.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: What is it going to take for you to actually modify your habits?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we're all about habits, folks.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it seems to get most of us trapped in these cycles of obesity, the cycles of addiction, the cycles of bad relationships.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's all historical and it's all habitual.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: To break a habit isn't easy.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, as I like to tell my folks and people around me, it takes a lot of thought.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: So let's say you start to maybe develop some kind of a crutch phrase, or maybe there's something that you say.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: In real estate, and when I was back with the police department, a lot of the training classes had us being videotaped.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: So we would have ourselves videotaped by the other people that were going through the instructor course or instructor development course.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: The reason why they put us on camera to film us is so we could see the things that we happen to do habitually.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Crutch words, uh, um.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know what I mean.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Those things, phrases that people say routinely, and it actually becomes kind of a thing for the instructor world out there.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: You start to call out and say 23 times you said um, 65 times you said, you know what I mean, out of a 10-minute presentation or whatever it may have been.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's a problem, and a lot of times it takes away from the information trying to be conveyed by the instructor.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're talking about diet and fitness and health.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: You get caught in this holding pattern.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I remember my thing was drive-throughs.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I would end up in a drive-thru buying 14 tacos, two large french fries, and two large milkshakes, just out of habit.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, God, how could somebody eat so much?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, folks, when you're 365 pounds or better, it's not hard to eat that much food because there's so much emotional benefit, it seems.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're just so happy.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, right at that moment, you really realize you don't have any problems.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not until your mouth stops chewing and you start feeling the effects of that food if you even feel it at all anymore, meaning it's detrimental to your body.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make it the best way that it can be.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, eating that food causes indigestion, causes all sorts of issues.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: Something that maybe you should come to terms with.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: But besides that, understand that's autopilot.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's an autopilot habit ending up at a drive-thru, putting that thing in your mouth.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're at work and they bring in the donuts and all this other stuff.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And every morning you're just used to throwing a couple.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of a year, folks, you put on 20, 30, 40 pounds because you've had a little extra indulgence, or as my son used to say, that extra little sin.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And when you eat those things, it creates waves and problems into your future.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: The words that I can tell you that get you to change, nobody's come up with those.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: They're very, very different for all different people, all different walks of life.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: The words that helped me is I saw myself, again, it took a lot of thought, but I saw myself in a position that I've been all my life, and I've been playing with it.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I've been trying to lose weight.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: That was the problem.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was trying.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't successful.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't push forward with what was necessary.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what's necessary: repeating the process, doing the right thing, and then repeating it, and then doing the right thing again, repeating it.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if in doing the right thing you screw it up and you end up doing something that's not the right thing and it sets you back, only let that setback be for a moment.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let that setback be for the next 15 years and have you in a worse shape than you are currently.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Those little setbacks, folks, that's what they are.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: They're just setbacks.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing to lose your mind about.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Just pick up and continue the process.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: After a while, you'll see it's like confession of sins, 1 John 1.9 for the believers out there.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you sin, you have habitual sin, maybe it's lust, maybe it's greed, maybe it's lying, maybe it's whatever.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you're able to control it in a way where once you see that you've done it, gosh, I've done it again, then you confess it, then you try to move on, that sin becomes less and less if you're focused.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: The same thing, you have your little sins in your eating world.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's eating the donuts in the morning, maybe it's finding yourself in a drive-thru later, maybe it's eating behind your spouse's back or behind your better half's back.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's you've given up, you're just not interested, and you're, you know what, I'm just gonna be happy fat.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna buy clothes because they make them as big as I can get.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna continue to do that instead of saying, you know what, this really sucks.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is painful.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, it's harder, I would argue with folks, it's much harder being fat than it is being thin.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's super simplistic, but it's really about what you tell yourself.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it's also about how you view yourself.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you love yourself enough to forgive yourself for screwing it up, and folks, I screwed up for the better part of 50 years, at least 40, 40 some odd, because I fixed it when I got into my 50s, but it still is a daily battle.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now, it's not as hard as it was at the beginning because trying to reconstruct or construct good habits where I hadn't had them since I was probably a kid, and even then they were somebody else's programming.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't until I came within my own and started to understand my process that I was able to get a handle on my fat and start to get it deleted.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: But when I started deleting my fat, it really was.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: I screwed up a lot.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I screwed up the refeed during the fasting quite frequently, and I had to sit down with myself, and this took a lot of time.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I had to sit down with myself and have that conversation.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: What am I doing to sabotage myself?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I consistently do it?
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Am I scared of my success?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I've heard that thing thrown around a lot more than it needs to be thrown around.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not scared of anything.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: The bottom line is I just didn't love myself enough to make the changes required to get me to where I wanted to be.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I'm not even where I want to be yet, but I'm a lot better off today than I was a year ago or two years ago or three years ago, being so much fatter and not being able to fit into somewhat normal clothes and being able to look at myself in the mirror and just feel repulsed by the way that I've let myself go.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I let myself go for a long time.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I had small bouts in there of being thinner than at other times.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, I was still fat.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't until I really started to sit down with myself and have those conversations with myself and realize if I'm going to screw this up, I'm going to restart immediately again, instead of letting it languish and sit on my conscience for the next several years.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Be careful how you approach this.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: But I would sit down, I would write it out, and I would read it every day: your mantra, your reason, the reason why you want to get somewhere where you haven't been in a long time or maybe never, and then write that out and read it every morning, and then add to it.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's so important to read the text you write because most of it, if you do it correctly, comes from in here.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And to be able to fix yourself, you have to start wanting to and being in here.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Also, let me explain this to you in closing.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Fitness and health, they're selfish.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: They're selfish acts.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: But unless you're the best version of you, you can't possibly offer somebody else your best.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Until you're at that point, then you can.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: But don't wait on that front either.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: But start to get where you need to be.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: You'll find out that the better health you have, the better in shape you are.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a superpower.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: If I would have known now how the transition was going to carry me through my life, to carry me through the D, to carry me into this point here, divorce, to carry me into this point here in my life, a whole entirely new creature.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I would have done this a long time ago.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: But we always say that.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: The fact is, I did it and you can do it now.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's Connor with Honor.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: We'll talk to you soon.