Latest / She's On The Money / The Myth of Making It Financially

Transcript

The Myth of Making It Financially · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello.
0:01
Speaker 2: My name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud Yr the
0:05
Speaker 2: Order Kerney Whalbury and a waddery woman. And before we
0:08
Speaker 2: get started on she's on the Money podcast. I would
0:11
Speaker 2: like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of
0:14
Speaker 2: which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging
0:18
Speaker 2: the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through
0:23
Speaker 2: as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and
0:27
Speaker 2: the storytelling of you to make a difference for today
0:31
Speaker 2: and lasting impact for tomorrow.
0:33
Speaker 1: Let's get into it. She's on the Money.
0:36
Speaker 3: She's on the Money.
0:57
Speaker 1: Hello and welcomed.
0:59
Speaker 4: She's on the Money podcast for millennials who want financial freedom.
1:03
Speaker 1: Hello, Vickid Hello, that why I mean, we'll move on.
1:09
Speaker 1: We'll move on. I can't we left that behind? Did?
1:12
Speaker 1: I wanted to see if you responded to negatively? Nothing
1:16
Speaker 1: gets by you? No? All right? What am I going
1:19
Speaker 1: to call you? Becky? Yes? Be yes? Oh that rolls
1:22
Speaker 1: up thet. It's awful. That's easy.
1:24
Speaker 4: So today we are talking about the myth of making
1:27
Speaker 4: it financially.
1:28
Speaker 1: I'm excited to talk about this. Yes, I'm very excited
1:31
Speaker 1: to talk about this because I feel like people assume
1:33
Speaker 1: that once you have a certain amount of money or
1:36
Speaker 1: like you become rich, you've made it. Yeah, nasis nah.
1:40
Speaker 1: And we were talking about this concept the other day
1:43
Speaker 1: where we were talking about your work life balance and
1:45
Speaker 1: you were like, I just want to sit in the
1:47
Speaker 1: grass with my friends, and I was like, we need
1:48
Speaker 1: more of this energy. We need to be talking about
1:52
Speaker 1: like the lifestyle that we have and the type of
1:54
Speaker 1: life that we lead as opposed to the materialistic items
1:57
Speaker 1: that we have, because they don't actually lead to an
1:59
Speaker 1: increase in happiness. So now is the time to have
2:02
Speaker 1: that conversation, my friend. Exactly. I think we'll walk away
2:05
Speaker 1: from this episode feeling very confident and happy within our celves.
2:09
Speaker 1: I hope empowered, Like Howard, just smash life out regardless
2:13
Speaker 1: of your financial circumstances.
2:14
Speaker 4: Yes, we don't let money. What's the word I'm looking for?
2:18
Speaker 4: Hold us back, hold us back and define us?
2:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent.
2:21
Speaker 4: So I guess, like my first question is is the
2:25
Speaker 4: myth that you can't ever really make it? Or is
2:27
Speaker 4: it more that it won't necessarily lead to happiness?
2:31
Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, So there's two edges of this sword, I suppose, so, like,
2:35
Speaker 1: if you're not feeling great about the way that you
2:37
Speaker 1: deal with money or how much you know about the
2:40
Speaker 1: intricacies of finance, you are absolutely not alone. Obviously, she's
2:45
Speaker 1: on the money. It exists to empower you, and our
2:47
Speaker 1: culture of encouragement that she's on the money has kind
2:51
Speaker 1: of like fostered over the last few years, should be
2:54
Speaker 1: one where excessive consumption is not that sexy. Financial systems
2:57
Speaker 1: were designed to be complicated because people need to make money,
3:01
Speaker 1: and therefore our job is from my perspective, to really
3:05
Speaker 1: break them down. But I think that a lot of
3:07
Speaker 1: money myths exist, and I think it's kind of both, right, Like,
3:10
Speaker 1: there are people who in this world are going to
3:12
Speaker 1: want to quote make it, and I think that that
3:14
Speaker 1: means a lot of different things. I just think that
3:16
Speaker 1: there's this misconception that making it means you become extremely rich.
3:21
Speaker 1: And I just think that some of the richest people
3:23
Speaker 1: in my entire life for not the ones that have
3:25
Speaker 1: loads of money. So I think we need to have
3:27
Speaker 1: that conversation. But then also we know, and we'll get
3:31
Speaker 1: to the research, but we know that there is a
3:33
Speaker 1: cap on happiness and there is a point at which
3:37
Speaker 1: happiness doesn't increase regardless of how much more money you have.
3:40
Speaker 1: I think it's very naive of me if I said,
3:43
Speaker 1: look back, money can't play happiness, because that's such a
3:46
Speaker 1: catchphrase that we hear, and in reality, intrinsically that's true.
3:51
Speaker 1: But if our base needs aren't being meant, like we're
3:53
Speaker 1: not able to put a roof over our head, we're
3:55
Speaker 1: stressed about debt orpayments, we are not able to put
3:57
Speaker 1: food on the table, why would we be like that
4:01
Speaker 1: makes us feel like trash. So I think that yes,
4:04
Speaker 1: money can actually buy happiness, because Becky, if I said, look,
4:08
Speaker 1: how happy would you be if I could guarantee that
4:11
Speaker 1: the income that you earn each and every single year,
4:13
Speaker 1: it's always going to put you in a position where
4:15
Speaker 1: you're a okay, Like you're in a perfect position, like
4:18
Speaker 1: you are absolutely fine, you are never going to go without.
4:21
Speaker 1: So we're not talking about that side of things, because
4:24
Speaker 1: I think that that would be incredibly tone deaf to
4:26
Speaker 1: say something like, oh my gosh, well money can't buy happiness.
4:30
Speaker 1: You're gonna look at me and be like, well.
4:31
Speaker 5: Actually, you know what, I'd be really happy if I
4:33
Speaker 5: could pay my grocery bill, Victoria. I'd be really happy
4:37
Speaker 5: if I could afford the apartment that I need, Victoria.
4:40
Speaker 5: So I think it's let's put that to the side,
4:42
Speaker 5: because there is a base financial needs.
4:44
Speaker 1: That's base. Honestly, I think everybody should just have access
4:47
Speaker 1: to that, and we create a lot of content on
4:49
Speaker 1: making sure you have access to that. However, the conversation
4:52
Speaker 1: today is about taking it to that next step, and
4:56
Speaker 1: that myth around is money by happiness or like, what's
4:59
Speaker 1: this idea of making it financially? At what point are
5:03
Speaker 1: we good enough for ourselves? And I suppose this creeps
5:05
Speaker 1: into the realm of We record money diaries every single
5:08
Speaker 1: week and we always ask our community like, oh, on
5:11
Speaker 1: a scale of you know, A through F, like how
5:14
Speaker 1: would you rate yourself financially? And a lot of people say, oh,
5:17
Speaker 1: I'm a B. And you might listen to the story
5:20
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, my lord, like they're inn A plus.
5:22
Speaker 1: What the heck? That's you overlaying your personal values onto
5:26
Speaker 1: what that is. Somebody who might call themselves a B,
5:30
Speaker 1: you might go, Wow, they're like the most financially literate
5:32
Speaker 1: people I've ever met. But they will say something along
5:35
Speaker 1: the lines of yes, but to take it to an A,
5:37
Speaker 1: I just really want to feel like I've actually achieved
5:40
Speaker 1: those goals I'm setting. They might have the clarity to
5:42
Speaker 1: be an A in your eyes, but they just don't
5:45
Speaker 1: feel like they're there yet because they want to prove
5:47
Speaker 1: it to themselves. As I've said before on the podcast,
5:49
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm like, oh my gosh, girl, no, you're absolutely
5:52
Speaker 1: an A. But I'll never argue with you over that
5:55
Speaker 1: because that's your own judgment of yourself and I can't
5:57
Speaker 1: overlay my values on that. Sure gets important to understand
6:01
Speaker 1: whether you think you're an A or an F this
6:04
Speaker 1: myth of I guess financially making it is going to
6:06
Speaker 1: mean different things to different people. And that's what makes
6:09
Speaker 1: our world so beautiful. Like how cool is it that
6:12
Speaker 1: your values are so different to my values? But the
6:15
Speaker 1: beauty of that friendship is that we both respect one another.
6:19
Speaker 1: You got go VI, why have you got two cats?
6:21
Speaker 1: What the heck? Whereas I might go beck Grass, it
6:25
Speaker 1: makes me itch, I'm not going to lay in that.
6:27
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? So I think it's just
6:29
Speaker 1: about really embracing that every single person in this community
6:32
Speaker 1: is so different. But how do we get clarity on
6:35
Speaker 1: what our goals are. But then what does financially making
6:37
Speaker 1: it even mean?
6:39
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess if you're constantly setting different goals and
6:42
Speaker 4: thinking like, oh, once I make it here, then I'll
6:44
Speaker 4: be happy, or once I make it there, I'll be happy.
6:46
Speaker 4: But the goals are constantly moving and wiki growing, and
6:49
Speaker 4: you know, it's just it's just not the best thing
6:50
Speaker 4: to like kind of aim for me.
6:52
Speaker 1: Talking to somebody obviously complete pivot, but it's like talking
6:55
Speaker 1: to somebody about their diet. Yes, So like someone will
6:58
Speaker 1: be like, oh, once I lose another five kilos, I'll
7:01
Speaker 1: be happy, and then they lose five kilos and they
7:04
Speaker 1: actually haven't addressed the underlying issue of the lack of confidence,
7:07
Speaker 1: and they lose that five kilos and you'll say, how
7:10
Speaker 1: do you feel now? And they say, oh, do you
7:12
Speaker 1: know what I've got this way? I just need another
7:14
Speaker 1: five kilos, not addressing the fact that it was self
7:17
Speaker 1: love that we were lacking. It's not about way. So
7:20
Speaker 1: I think it's really really similar in the financial realm
7:23
Speaker 1: because I think some people will go, well, do you
7:25
Speaker 1: know what would have made it? Beck? Once I have
7:27
Speaker 1: ten thousand dollars in my emergency fund, guarantee the second
7:31
Speaker 1: you get to that, you'll go, oh, okay, cool. But
7:34
Speaker 1: I've thought about all these other goals now that I
7:35
Speaker 1: have this level of financial security, Beck, I really want
7:38
Speaker 1: to buy a house, or I really want to buy
7:39
Speaker 1: a new car, or I really want to go on
7:41
Speaker 1: a holiday, or there might be a million other things
7:43
Speaker 1: floating around, But there's never this idea that you've made it.
7:47
Speaker 1: I feel like we make that up in our heads. Exactly.
7:50
Speaker 1: We make it up in our heads. And maybe it's
7:51
Speaker 1: motivating to be like I will have made it, and
7:53
Speaker 1: then you kind of work harder to get to that point.
7:56
Speaker 4: Yes, you get there and you're like, oh you just
7:58
Speaker 4: sometimes you don't even realize it you gotten there. Maybe
8:00
Speaker 4: it's a motivational podcast see motivations.
8:04
Speaker 1: We just we want to demotivate you to financially making
8:07
Speaker 1: it to be okay with who you are in this
8:10
Speaker 1: mode that's kind of wholesome. We want you to stay
8:12
Speaker 1: right where you are. We're reverse engineering it and just
8:14
Speaker 1: changing your mindset. Yeah, exactly, exactly.
8:17
Speaker 4: But V I suppose it's a question two of what
8:19
Speaker 4: does making it actually mean to you? And I know
8:22
Speaker 4: this is a subjective, so Va, I'm sure you can
8:24
Speaker 4: remember our episode how much is a Lot of Money?
8:26
Speaker 1: From Jen twenty five? I think it was. Yeah, yeah, Beck,
8:29
Speaker 1: it's literally halfway through the year now, even on the podcast,
8:32
Speaker 1: nearly six months. Oh does that feel weird? It does
8:36
Speaker 1: feel weird. Let's have a Barbie party? Yeah, you know,
8:39
Speaker 1: I think we should have a Barbie party? All right?
8:41
Speaker 1: Do we whip that up real quick?
8:43
Speaker 2: Yeah?
8:43
Speaker 1: Real quick? You see it on socials later. Great.
8:46
Speaker 4: So for some people in our community, it was, you know,
8:51
Speaker 4: never having to check your bank account before you go shopping,
8:54
Speaker 4: and for some it was never having to work. Again,
8:56
Speaker 4: It's all subjective, but I guess.
8:58
Speaker 1: I loved that conversation. I really, I really liked it.
9:01
Speaker 1: I liked that some people were applying a dollar amount,
9:05
Speaker 1: other people were replying a thing. So their responses on that.
9:08
Speaker 1: We asked the community on an Instagram story and we said, hey, guys, like,
9:12
Speaker 1: what to use a lot of money. We didn't give
9:13
Speaker 1: a lot of context about what it was for or
9:15
Speaker 1: how it worked, so we got, like, I guess, the
9:17
Speaker 1: most organic responses, and some people commented ten thousand dollars,
9:21
Speaker 1: some people commented fifty dollars, some people commented one million, dollars.
9:25
Speaker 1: Other people commented, oh, a lot of money. If I
9:29
Speaker 1: had a lot of money, it would mean that I
9:30
Speaker 1: could get the most expensive sushi train plate without even
9:33
Speaker 1: thinking about it. And then other people would say things like,
9:36
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, yeah, as you said, I don't have
9:38
Speaker 1: to check the bank before I tap my card, Like
9:40
Speaker 1: that's what a lot of money would mean. And I
9:42
Speaker 1: just think it's so subjective to the circumstances that you've
9:45
Speaker 1: grown up in. It's so subjective to the circumstances that
9:48
Speaker 1: you're currently in that making it is exactly the same.
9:52
Speaker 1: It's so similar, like there's no question of what making
9:56
Speaker 1: it means because to you, making it is your definition
9:59
Speaker 1: of what success in life would mean. And then you
10:01
Speaker 1: know how much money is going to really depend on
10:03
Speaker 1: where you came from. Because Becky, your opinion was like
10:06
Speaker 1: oh v like when we talked about it, it was
10:08
Speaker 1: definitely not a million dollars, Whereas I think that was
10:12
Speaker 1: my response. I think I said, oh, look, a lot
10:14
Speaker 1: of money. What's a lot of money? A house is
10:17
Speaker 1: a lot of money on average, and Capital Cities Melbourne
10:19
Speaker 1: saying it's about a million dollars now, so I just
10:21
Speaker 1: thought that's a lot, Like, that's a lot, a lot
10:23
Speaker 1: of money, but I could have said a billion dollars,
10:26
Speaker 1: that's a lot a lot of money. True, it's all
10:28
Speaker 1: just where's this coming from? And usually goes back to
10:31
Speaker 1: your values. So I find it super interesting.
10:35
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, so I guess, like, let's talk about this
10:37
Speaker 4: idea of financial freedom sexy.
10:39
Speaker 1: Again, it's relative and.
10:40
Speaker 4: Not to diminish anyone's situation here, but where does the
10:43
Speaker 4: average Australian sit in a global context with what we
10:46
Speaker 4: are able to afford.
10:47
Speaker 1: Oh, we're rich, we're rich, we're rich. We are ballers
10:51
Speaker 1: some of us. Yeah, But at the same time, Beck,
10:55
Speaker 1: even if you're struggling, you are so much better off
10:58
Speaker 1: than a lot of other people, a lot of other countries. Like,
11:01
Speaker 1: obviously I don't want you to go, oh, I have
11:03
Speaker 1: to check my privilege when I'm stressed about debt appointment.
11:06
Speaker 1: That's not the case at all. But I think it's
11:08
Speaker 1: about just really going wow, like, we're a first world nation.
11:11
Speaker 1: That is pretty cool that we have the privilege of
11:14
Speaker 1: living in this society. We have a society where if
11:17
Speaker 1: you're not able to generate and income independently, we have welfare.
11:20
Speaker 1: You're not going to be left high and dry. It
11:22
Speaker 1: might not be the lifestyle that you want for yourself,
11:24
Speaker 1: it might not be the ultimate end game. But isn't
11:28
Speaker 1: it crazy that our government will step in and make
11:31
Speaker 1: sure that you can in a way put food on
11:34
Speaker 1: the table. I mean, there's always going to be shortfalls,
11:36
Speaker 1: there's always going to be issues like This is not
11:38
Speaker 1: a conversation about the welfare system and what it does
11:41
Speaker 1: or doesn't do. It's just in comparison to the rest
11:45
Speaker 1: of the world, we are so flipping lucky. So basically,
11:50
Speaker 1: if beck you have a roof over your head, you
11:53
Speaker 1: have three meals a day, you have access to running water,
11:55
Speaker 1: and you make more than forty thousand dollars a year,
11:59
Speaker 1: you're actually in the top one percent of the world's
12:03
Speaker 1: highest income earnest. Really, yes, top one percent. Like when
12:07
Speaker 1: they talk about the one percent, who would have thought
12:10
Speaker 1: that's basically all of us. Yeah, that's going on.
12:12
Speaker 4: We are to right percent that's gone in my Instagram
12:15
Speaker 4: bio top one percent exactly.
12:17
Speaker 1: And the stats say, get this, the worldwide median, So
12:21
Speaker 1: the average annual household income. Do you want to guess
12:25
Speaker 1: do you reckon? Do you want to guess which kind
12:27
Speaker 1: of scared each year? Is it going to make me sad?
12:30
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think so, because obviously the world
12:33
Speaker 1: is made up of lots of different like average incomes.
12:36
Speaker 1: We know that the average income in Australia is going
12:38
Speaker 1: to be very different to the average income in a
12:40
Speaker 1: very third world country, and you might say, oh wow,
12:43
Speaker 1: like you know, I don't know if the right terminology
12:46
Speaker 1: here is there. But like when you say what's the
12:48
Speaker 1: world's average income, I kind of like take into consideration
12:51
Speaker 1: the average income of an Australian because we know that
12:53
Speaker 1: that's about sixty to seventy thousand dollars on average. But
12:57
Speaker 1: then you also, I don't know, my head goes to
12:58
Speaker 1: like World Vision and they say for a dollar a day,
13:01
Speaker 1: you can do all these things for somebody, and I go, okay,
13:03
Speaker 1: well that's three hundred and sixty five dollars, So like,
13:06
Speaker 1: where where's the medium? Does that make sense? Because you
13:09
Speaker 1: kind of go, all right, well, you know, and obviously
13:11
Speaker 1: there are people in this world that live on wait
13:13
Speaker 1: less than that, but what does that mean? What do
13:16
Speaker 1: you think the average median household income is.
13:19
Speaker 4: I'm gonna say fifty thousand a year, fifty thousand.
13:25
Speaker 1: Flat no, Nah, do you know what's wild? It is
13:28
Speaker 1: nine thousand, seven hundred and thirty three is the world's
13:32
Speaker 1: average my household, god, not individual household. Wow. Wow wow, Okay,
13:39
Speaker 1: so we're pretty lucky.
13:41
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, I can see I'm getting some perspective now,
13:44
Speaker 4: I'm sold.
13:45
Speaker 1: Ah, very humbled.
13:46
Speaker 4: Absolutely, Okay, that is outrageous that I do actually feel
13:51
Speaker 4: very humbled right now. So this actually makes me think
13:54
Speaker 4: about how we compare ourselves to other people a lot,
13:58
Speaker 4: and even just like try to guess what that was.
14:00
Speaker 4: I was kind of scared because I thought, if this
14:03
Speaker 4: is higher than how much I'm making or how much
14:05
Speaker 4: I've historically made, Yeah, I'm going to be very sad.
14:08
Speaker 1: Why do we do that? What is it about comparison culture?
14:12
Speaker 1: I think your response is actually a really beautiful example, right.
14:16
Speaker 1: So the example is that we often, even when asked
14:20
Speaker 1: to look at something on a global perspective, which we did,
14:23
Speaker 1: you don't actually have the ability to step into the
14:28
Speaker 1: shoes of people that you don't surround yourself with. So
14:31
Speaker 1: your number, I can almost guarantee when you said fifty
14:35
Speaker 1: thousand dollars actually came from the average of the people
14:38
Speaker 1: that surround you. So your friends, your family, like the
14:41
Speaker 1: people that are surrounding you, right, And that makes sense
14:45
Speaker 1: because we are so likely to compare ourselves to our
14:49
Speaker 1: friends and our family and the people that we want
14:50
Speaker 1: to be like the most. And that is so fine
14:53
Speaker 1: to do. But that is why your type of comparison
14:56
Speaker 1: culture is always going to be like, oh, my friend
14:59
Speaker 1: live has x Y and Z, I want x y
15:01
Speaker 1: and Z. Whereas if we went up a different like
15:04
Speaker 1: salary band, those things that those people want are very different.
15:07
Speaker 1: It's kind of like if we shot all the way
15:09
Speaker 1: up to billionaires status, Like billionaires compare themselves to other
15:13
Speaker 1: billionaires and they're like, oh, bloody, Sophia, did you see
15:18
Speaker 1: her wedding? Oh my god, well her wedding was x
15:21
Speaker 1: Y and zed. We will have to do a better one.
15:23
Speaker 1: Like it's one of those things where we actually compare
15:26
Speaker 1: ourselves to our own social circle. And this idea of
15:29
Speaker 1: keeping up with the Joneses actually has levels. And that's
15:32
Speaker 1: where this idea of keeping up with the Joneses comes from.
15:35
Speaker 1: The jones is they're our average next door neighbor, So
15:38
Speaker 1: your average next door neighbor and you're just trying to
15:40
Speaker 1: keep up with them, you're not trying to keep up
15:42
Speaker 1: up with somebody in a completely different salary bracket to you.
15:45
Speaker 1: You're not trying to keep up with someone who is
15:47
Speaker 1: in a completely lower salary bracket to you. You're actually just
15:49
Speaker 1: trying to keep up with where you think that you align.
15:52
Speaker 1: And that is fine to do. But by doing that,
15:55
Speaker 1: you're absorbing all of their values. You're absorbing all of
15:58
Speaker 1: their goals and wishes and hopes for the future. And
16:00
Speaker 1: I find it really interesting. And this brings me back
16:02
Speaker 1: to another point that we've mentioned on the podcast before,
16:05
Speaker 1: and that's there was research done in the US that
16:08
Speaker 1: said the people most likely to go broke were the
16:11
Speaker 1: neighbors of small time lottery winners. So it wasn't people
16:16
Speaker 1: who won a million dollars two million dollars, because, to
16:19
Speaker 1: be honest, usually that bumps you up a salary bracket
16:22
Speaker 1: and you might sell your house and move to a
16:24
Speaker 1: different one, but you compare yourself to people who are
16:27
Speaker 1: similar to you, and you're more likely to go broke
16:30
Speaker 1: because the jones is those guys next door, have you
16:32
Speaker 1: send their boat. I've always wanted a boat. Maybe you know,
16:35
Speaker 1: maybe my husband and I should consider that we don't
16:38
Speaker 1: have the money for it. Maybe we'll get alone, We'll
16:39
Speaker 1: get a boat. Yeah, that's a good lifestyle, kind of
16:42
Speaker 1: like that where you're comparing yourself to like but you
16:45
Speaker 1: don't understand their financial circumstances, and that actually robs you
16:49
Speaker 1: of true happiness and actually creating fulfillment in your own
16:53
Speaker 1: life because you get the boat. Right, the Jones is
16:55
Speaker 1: next door, they've got a boat. They look really happy.
16:57
Speaker 1: Have you seen them in the driveway when they clean
16:59
Speaker 1: their boat after they come back from being out, you know,
17:02
Speaker 1: doing donuts with the kids all afternoon, Like, have you
17:05
Speaker 1: seen them? Have you seen how happy they are? I
17:07
Speaker 1: want that happiness that I can see they're experiencing, and
17:09
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it comes from that materialistic item that
17:13
Speaker 1: they have. I'm going to get one of those because
17:15
Speaker 1: my family wants to experience that too. Isn't that lead
17:19
Speaker 1: then you get the boat. I hate being on the ocean.
17:21
Speaker 1: I have the worst sea sickness in the entire world. Mate,
17:24
Speaker 1: My husband and I went out. Yeah, maintenance, absolutely not.
17:27
Speaker 1: I actually don't want to spend an hour after I
17:30
Speaker 1: get back in washing the boat. Absolutely not. That's not
17:34
Speaker 1: going to create happiness for me. What I could see
17:36
Speaker 1: is that they were really happy in that moment, and
17:39
Speaker 1: I was trying to channel that with the materialistic item
17:41
Speaker 1: that I thought was tied to their happiness. And that's
17:43
Speaker 1: not the case at all. I should have been working
17:46
Speaker 1: on maybe my family dynamics or the way that I
17:48
Speaker 1: am grateful for things, not at all the materialistic items.
17:53
Speaker 1: And I think that's why when we get something, we go.
17:55
Speaker 1: I didn't solve it. I didn't make me happier. What's next?
17:59
Speaker 1: Maybe we need a new car? Actually, beck Y, have
18:01
Speaker 1: you seen their car in their driveway? Do you know
18:03
Speaker 1: what I mean? It's must be the missing link. It
18:06
Speaker 1: must be. It has to be the missing link, like, oh,
18:09
Speaker 1: you got a new car. Oh beg, your T shirt
18:11
Speaker 1: looks so nice. You look so happy today. I think
18:14
Speaker 1: if I got that T shirt, I'd look just as cute.
18:17
Speaker 1: I'd be happier. I'm going to go get that T shirt.
18:19
Speaker 1: Then I put it on and realize that that's not
18:21
Speaker 1: where your happiness was coming from. So I think it's
18:23
Speaker 1: really important to remember I guess your values and your
18:27
Speaker 1: goals and what you want to achieve, and that the
18:29
Speaker 1: boat's not going to do anything. It's just an example.
18:31
Speaker 1: Of you seeing someone else, And I think social media
18:34
Speaker 1: perpetuates this. I see it all the time on TikTok.
18:37
Speaker 1: Do you know why? Because I am the biggest sucker
18:40
Speaker 1: for TikTok. I see some girl with a new skincare
18:43
Speaker 1: routine and she looks real cute and has that puffy
18:45
Speaker 1: headband that they put on. I'd be an influencer if
18:49
Speaker 1: I got a puffy headband. Do you not see my
18:50
Speaker 1: bathroom right now? The damn puffy headband so ugly on me?
18:55
Speaker 1: What the heck did it do anything to make my
18:58
Speaker 1: morning routine feel better? Absolutely not, In fact, properly the opposite.
19:02
Speaker 1: Do I need their new retinal that somebody on TikTok
19:04
Speaker 1: is posting about? No, it's so wild to think that I,
19:08
Speaker 1: even in this position where I would argue that I'm
19:12
Speaker 1: acutely aware of what drives goals and values and reasoning
19:15
Speaker 1: and financial happiness, I still get sucked into being that's Shiny,
19:21
Speaker 1: the little magpie. Like Shiny. I need that Shiny. I
19:24
Speaker 1: need that. And that is where I think it's really
19:26
Speaker 1: important for me to be open about this circumstance, because
19:29
Speaker 1: that will then help you go. Even the experts don't
19:31
Speaker 1: have it all figured out. I know semantically what that means.
19:35
Speaker 1: I know pragmatically how that works in reality, though, my gosh,
19:39
Speaker 1: shiny things ten out of ten, ten out of ten.
19:43
Speaker 1: So take the shiny thing away from that.
19:46
Speaker 4: I don't know what my analogy is going to be,
19:47
Speaker 4: but basically understand what you're saying completely.
19:49
Speaker 1: We're just all different, and I think that we need
19:51
Speaker 1: to break down this I guess hustle culture narrative that
19:54
Speaker 1: we seem to all be so used to and segue
19:58
Speaker 1: away from that into why are we hustling? What are
20:01
Speaker 1: we hustling for? What does making it actually mean? Because
20:05
Speaker 1: how many times have we heard stories about the dude
20:08
Speaker 1: who's making it and we think he's a big dog,
20:10
Speaker 1: and then his wife divorces him because he's not present?
20:13
Speaker 1: Is that what we want? Is that how it works?
20:15
Speaker 1: Like where we your values? Because seemingly it's only once
20:19
Speaker 1: his wife divorces him that he realizes what he had
20:22
Speaker 1: and what he's now missing out on. How do we
20:24
Speaker 1: be more grateful for the things that we already have
20:27
Speaker 1: so that that feels like enough? Yeah, I'm not sure
20:30
Speaker 1: if you know this.
20:31
Speaker 4: This is kind of out of the field, but there
20:33
Speaker 4: is an International Day of Happiness.
20:37
Speaker 1: I did not know that. Yeah, isn't that?
20:38
Speaker 2: So?
20:39
Speaker 1: What do you do? Just like hold hands and sing kumbaya?
20:42
Speaker 4: You must be happy. It's illegal to not be happy
20:45
Speaker 4: on this stay on that day. Did you know that
20:47
Speaker 4: we are ranked number?
20:49
Speaker 1: Actually?
20:49
Speaker 2: Guess?
20:50
Speaker 1: Guess like as in out of all the countries. I
20:53
Speaker 1: believe it's worldwide, worldwide. Out of all the countries, who's
20:57
Speaker 1: the happiest? Yeah? No, what number or what are we?
21:01
Speaker 1: I wanted to guess, like, who was number one? That's
21:04
Speaker 1: a good question. You're on. I reckon. If we asked Americans,
21:07
Speaker 1: they would say we're the happiest, and I almost guarantee
21:10
Speaker 1: that they're not. Probably not. I'm gonna get number Hurrian,
21:14
Speaker 1: we're number five, number five? You reckon? Yeah, I reckon five.
21:17
Speaker 1: I have bad news. We are actually number twelve. But
21:21
Speaker 1: that's still pretty high. That's oh, I guess out of
21:25
Speaker 1: all the countries. That's not too bad now I think
21:27
Speaker 1: about it.
21:28
Speaker 4: Our producer just said that number one is Finland, and
21:31
Speaker 4: didn't I say, is that a Nordic country?
21:34
Speaker 1: They're so honestly, they're so happy, they're so happy. I'm
21:39
Speaker 1: obsessed with them. Let just live their little best lives.
21:41
Speaker 4: They live in their best lives, and what was what
21:43
Speaker 4: was the last one? I apologize Afghanistan.
21:45
Speaker 1: Look, that actually makes quite a lot of sense as
21:47
Speaker 1: to why they wouldn't be happy at this point in time.
21:49
Speaker 1: Oh that makes me want to hug them all and
21:50
Speaker 1: do something. No. Our producer is also just let us
21:54
Speaker 1: know that America was about like fifteen. New Zealand was
21:57
Speaker 1: ahead of us, unsurprisingly, Yeah, right, risingly, and their prime
22:01
Speaker 1: minister just quit. So like, I'm surprised because I'd be
22:04
Speaker 1: really unhappy with that. Maybe this is old data and
22:07
Speaker 1: they were just like happy when they had j Cinder. Yeah,
22:10
Speaker 1: I be right exactly, I'd be riding once she left.
22:13
Speaker 1: But anyway, it is so important to talk about it,
22:16
Speaker 1: and I guess how they measure that is really important
22:18
Speaker 1: as well, because I think it wasn't a surprise when
22:20
Speaker 1: a Nordic country was number one, but then also when
22:23
Speaker 1: Afghanistan was the last. So that study actually looked at
22:28
Speaker 1: things like people's freedom to make life choices, which is
22:31
Speaker 1: really important, the generosity of the people in that country.
22:35
Speaker 1: GDP is a gross domestic product, so obviously that's kind
22:39
Speaker 1: of like how much money is coming in and out
22:42
Speaker 1: of the country, to make sure that economically it's doing well,
22:46
Speaker 1: perceptions of corruption among citizens, healthy life expectancy, so I
22:51
Speaker 1: guess that stretches into lots of different areas at the
22:54
Speaker 1: crux of it, and then things like social support. So
22:57
Speaker 1: that makes sense because the Nordies they've got elite amounts
23:00
Speaker 1: of maternity. Do you know they get like a year
23:03
Speaker 1: of paid leave. That is what's he classic. They are
23:06
Speaker 1: so good health care across the board. Yeap, No, no,
23:10
Speaker 1: you don't need to pay to go to the GP.
23:13
Speaker 1: They're like, what's a gap? We've never heard of one. Oh,
23:15
Speaker 1: never medicare we don't need you.
23:17
Speaker 4: This is possibly fake news, but I heard not a
23:20
Speaker 4: single bully, not.
23:21
Speaker 1: A single bully. All right, well we'll have to put
23:24
Speaker 1: an asterix on that, because I'm sure that there are
23:26
Speaker 1: some naughty naughties, possibly some bullies, possibly some bullies, but
23:30
Speaker 1: you know what we're glorifying, then we're putting them on
23:33
Speaker 1: that big pedestal. Obviously, understandably, a population is only going
23:37
Speaker 1: to be experiencing really high levels of overall life satisfaction
23:40
Speaker 1: if it's people are like pro social, healthy and prosperous.
23:43
Speaker 1: So all of that makes a lot of sense. In
23:46
Speaker 1: other words, basically, it's people have to have high levels
23:49
Speaker 1: of what Aristotle get this called youdy ammonia. So at
23:52
Speaker 1: the level of society, life satisfaction and you to ammonia
23:56
Speaker 1: go hand in hand. Beack, that's a mouthful of a word. Healthful.
24:00
Speaker 1: We might have to google what that means. Altruism full
24:03
Speaker 1: of a word, but altruism is also highly linked to happiness.
24:07
Speaker 1: And the study that was done that we're talking about
24:09
Speaker 1: actually consistently found that we get greater joy by giving
24:13
Speaker 1: to others. Oh that is so wholesome. Isn't that cute? Yeah,
24:16
Speaker 1: that's really cute. I think it makes sense because I
24:17
Speaker 1: just love giving people presents.
24:19
Speaker 4: We should try that today, but you actually try that
24:21
Speaker 4: every day. I'm going to try to start doing that.
24:23
Speaker 1: I love that. All right, let's go to a really
24:25
Speaker 1: quick break. Let's go to flipside. We need to re establish,
24:28
Speaker 1: and we will go back to talking about the mists
24:30
Speaker 1: at hand. We are back.
24:36
Speaker 4: We just had another look at the actual ranker and
24:39
Speaker 4: it is very interesting. I recommend googling that. But moving
24:41
Speaker 4: to one hundred percent. Sorry we forgot to mention we are.
24:44
Speaker 1: Both moving to Finland. Yeah, moving to Finland. I want
24:47
Speaker 1: to live there. I just think that they're happier. Also,
24:49
Speaker 1: they're really hot, and they're hot. They're hot, they're really
24:51
Speaker 1: hot people, and I'm hoping that via osmosis, I will
24:54
Speaker 1: get hotter. Listen to us, we're comparing. Yeah, we are,
24:58
Speaker 1: but like sugar, that's moss is a scientific term where
25:03
Speaker 1: if you yeah, anyway, we'll go on about that later.
25:06
Speaker 1: This is not she's on the science, she's on the money.
25:08
Speaker 1: Carry on.
25:09
Speaker 4: Okay, So back to the topic. I'm wondering what are
25:12
Speaker 4: some of the traps we get ourselves into when we
25:14
Speaker 4: focus on this quote unquote making it myss.
25:17
Speaker 1: Obviously, it's super important to be doing things like setting goals,
25:20
Speaker 1: and that's really positive and totally natural to want to
25:23
Speaker 1: have things like ambitions, whatever that means for you. But
25:26
Speaker 1: we need to be careful about not letting these things
25:29
Speaker 1: become toxic and flipping into a narrative that either it's
25:33
Speaker 1: not going to work for us or is actually detrimental
25:36
Speaker 1: to the rest of our life. That completely makes sense,
25:39
Speaker 1: and I guess it kind of makes me think, and
25:42
Speaker 1: this could probably sound a little bit random, but random.
25:45
Speaker 1: Is there more pressure on women to be like everything,
25:49
Speaker 1: be it all one hundred percent. I even feel the
25:51
Speaker 1: pressure to be at all right, Like it is no
25:53
Speaker 1: secret that I really want to be a mum, Like
25:56
Speaker 1: I want to have a baby. At some point it
25:57
Speaker 1: will be the light of my life, I'm hoping. Imagine
26:00
Speaker 1: if I got there and I'm like, this is trash.
26:01
Speaker 1: Why did I do this? But it's just this idea
26:04
Speaker 1: that I want to be a career driven woman. I
26:06
Speaker 1: want to be a mom, I want to be a
26:07
Speaker 1: good wife. I want to, you know, be financially successful
26:10
Speaker 1: also life successful. And I feel like that we feel
26:13
Speaker 1: that additional pressure not only because we put it on ourselves,
26:16
Speaker 1: but also because women are judged so harshly. Like there's
26:19
Speaker 1: a case in point right here, right. I follow Steph
26:22
Speaker 1: Claire Smith on social media, Obsessed with her, love her.
26:25
Speaker 1: I think that she is this incredible role model for
26:29
Speaker 1: women and people everywhere to just be I don't know,
26:33
Speaker 1: more wholesome, do a better job, be the best version
26:35
Speaker 1: of you, Like I'm obsessed with the whole kick vibe. Anyway,
26:39
Speaker 1: we won't go on and on about that, but it
26:41
Speaker 1: is wild because she posts so much content about her
26:45
Speaker 1: and her son Harvey online and Harvey Honestly, that kid
26:50
Speaker 1: is one of the most esthetically pleasing toddlers you've seen
26:54
Speaker 1: in your life. Like, he has these curls that you
26:56
Speaker 1: could just eat, and you know, there's these beautiful view
27:00
Speaker 1: of her making porridge with him or just doing mum stuff,
27:03
Speaker 1: and I just I find that, from my perspective, so motivating,
27:06
Speaker 1: and I just think that there's this idea that, wow,
27:08
Speaker 1: she can be at all. But the amount of criticism
27:11
Speaker 1: that this poor woman gets because of the amount of
27:14
Speaker 1: work that she does. People are like, oh, where's your son?
27:17
Speaker 1: Who's looking after your son? Or you don't spend enough
27:19
Speaker 1: time with your kid, You don't do this, you don't
27:21
Speaker 1: do that. Like obviously she travels a bit for work,
27:25
Speaker 1: as do I. It's going to be the reality of
27:27
Speaker 1: my life at some point too, But that doesn't mean
27:30
Speaker 1: that this kid isn't fulfilled. And there just is this
27:33
Speaker 1: idea that you can't have it all, so people want
27:36
Speaker 1: it all. But then if you're seen to be having
27:39
Speaker 1: a good life and balancing it, and I don't believe
27:42
Speaker 1: in balance, I just don't think it exists, well, people
27:44
Speaker 1: will cut you down and let you know that, oh, well,
27:46
Speaker 1: what are you doing, where's your kid. Why aren't you
27:48
Speaker 1: looking after your kid as though that kid doesn't have
27:51
Speaker 1: another parent that is completely competent and capable. Like I swear,
27:56
Speaker 1: if somebody ever asks me about my child one day
28:00
Speaker 1: and where they are or what they're doing, heads will roll.
28:04
Speaker 1: Heads will roll, because that, to me is undermining the
28:07
Speaker 1: fact that I have a completely capable life partner that
28:10
Speaker 1: can also help me in that circumstance. And I just
28:13
Speaker 1: don't believe in this concept of work life balance in
28:17
Speaker 1: the way that it used to exist, because the way
28:19
Speaker 1: that it used to exist was that one entity in
28:22
Speaker 1: a family could go to work and earn enough money.
28:26
Speaker 1: Beck one person could go to work, earn enough money
28:29
Speaker 1: to buy a house, pay the mortgage, put food on
28:32
Speaker 1: the table, go on a humble family holiday each and
28:35
Speaker 1: every single year, put children through education, and have a
28:38
Speaker 1: good life while having another party who stayed home full
28:41
Speaker 1: time to do housekeeping duties. Oh my god, imagine that.
28:45
Speaker 1: Do you have anyone in your life where only one
28:48
Speaker 1: person in that relationship works, but they own a house,
28:51
Speaker 1: have kids that live their best life and don't have
28:53
Speaker 1: any financial stress. Not a single person. It's not the
28:56
Speaker 1: reality anymore. No, And this idea that that's the type
29:00
Speaker 1: of commitment we should be giving. Blows my mind, but
29:03
Speaker 1: also it's just so unrealistic. I also think it's really
29:07
Speaker 1: important that, regardless of how the circumstances have changed, Beck,
29:11
Speaker 1: is it not the coolest thing in the entire world
29:14
Speaker 1: that one day I might be able to become a
29:16
Speaker 1: mum who has her best life. At the same time,
29:20
Speaker 1: like I am obsessed with she's on the money. I
29:23
Speaker 1: cannot imagine leaving that community to focus on creating a family.
29:28
Speaker 1: Do you know why? Because I'd be really upset. I
29:31
Speaker 1: would not be motivated, I would not be the best
29:33
Speaker 1: version of myself. And if I'm not the best version
29:35
Speaker 1: of myself, how the hell am I going to be
29:37
Speaker 1: a good mum? And I guess to further that, I'm
29:39
Speaker 1: so flip and lucky. I grew up in a family
29:42
Speaker 1: where both my parents worked full time, and I think
29:45
Speaker 1: that's where my work ethic ended up coming from. Do
29:47
Speaker 1: I feel like I had less? Do I feel like
29:49
Speaker 1: I missed out on anything?
29:51
Speaker 2: No?
29:52
Speaker 1: Did I love after school care every single time?
29:54
Speaker 2: No?
29:54
Speaker 1: Not ideal, but like, you get what you get, and
29:56
Speaker 1: you don't get upset sometimes because even that was a
29:59
Speaker 1: privilege when you look back on it, like, why is
30:02
Speaker 1: this concept that I would need to be with my
30:05
Speaker 1: child twenty four seven for them to have a good,
30:07
Speaker 1: fulfilling life. The reality, yeah, it makes to me absolutely
30:12
Speaker 1: no sense. But the idea that all of that burden
30:16
Speaker 1: is put only on the mum. Have you ever heard
30:18
Speaker 1: someone go just about to say, Steve, Steve, where's your kid?
30:22
Speaker 1: Right now? You're in a meeting? What are you doing?
30:25
Speaker 2: Yeah?
30:25
Speaker 1: How much time do you spend with your child? That's
30:27
Speaker 1: so wild? And then obviously this is you know, I
30:31
Speaker 1: don't have kids, So this is not a projection of
30:33
Speaker 1: my own parenting technique or anything like that, but a
30:35
Speaker 1: guarantee at some point, I'm going to post a picture
30:39
Speaker 1: of my child and my husband just at the park
30:42
Speaker 1: and they're going to go he's such a good dad,
30:45
Speaker 1: he's so good. Oh my god, is he pushing that
30:47
Speaker 1: kid on a swing elite? Yeah. But I've emptied the dishwasher,
30:52
Speaker 1: I've done like three loads of washing, I've cleaned the
30:54
Speaker 1: house all before my kid and my husband woke up.
30:57
Speaker 1: I did all of these other things, and people were like,
31:00
Speaker 1: as your kid, you grew a human, grew a whole
31:03
Speaker 1: entire human, And I don't even get a you get
31:07
Speaker 1: a gold star deck. Yeah, I get a Yeah, Well
31:09
Speaker 1: you're the mum exactly. You're the mum though, Yeah, And
31:14
Speaker 1: you know what, then I guess to stretch this further
31:16
Speaker 1: because lots of my friends have kids, and I'm obsessed
31:18
Speaker 1: with them. The audacity on those tiny toddlers to then
31:21
Speaker 1: make the dad their favorite. Oh or are you joking?
31:25
Speaker 1: Are you joking? Tiny terrorists? Are you joking? Like they go,
31:30
Speaker 1: you do all the work, you get all the societal pressure,
31:33
Speaker 1: nobody is going to step in and help you. But
31:35
Speaker 1: the second they say your husband pushing a kid in
31:38
Speaker 1: the supermarket being like, they're like, oh do you need hand? Like, oh,
31:42
Speaker 1: that must be hard work looking after that toddler. No,
31:44
Speaker 1: you know what for them the kid to be like Also,
31:48
Speaker 1: by the way, you're not my favorite mum, Daddy is.
31:51
Speaker 1: Daddy is.
31:52
Speaker 4: And you know, there's something quite cruel about the fact
31:55
Speaker 4: that children do say dada a lot.
31:59
Speaker 1: Fun. Look, there's obviously this is just like stretching into
32:03
Speaker 1: like a science lesson moving career, but I did actually
32:06
Speaker 1: do psychology. Few things to note they're just on the
32:09
Speaker 1: science front. First thing, First, dadda is an easier phrase
32:14
Speaker 1: for little kids to say quicker, and often because the
32:17
Speaker 1: mum is always talking about the dad, it comes up quicker, right.
32:22
Speaker 1: That makes you know, oh, when's dad coming home or
32:24
Speaker 1: dadd a rah, Like they are going to pick that
32:27
Speaker 1: up easier than mum, because the articulation is a little
32:30
Speaker 1: bit different. But then also I think it's up until
32:33
Speaker 1: the age of eighteen months, kids actually see their mum
32:37
Speaker 1: as an extension of them. They do not view their
32:40
Speaker 1: mother as a separate individual to them. They just go, well,
32:44
Speaker 1: that's mum because I have no capacity to look after myself,
32:47
Speaker 1: so that's me looking after myself. That's just mom. Dad.
32:50
Speaker 1: He's really exciting because he is actually an independent body
32:53
Speaker 1: and that's really fun moms actually, given that's so the
32:57
Speaker 1: actually mums are not the favorite. It's not because you're
32:59
Speaker 1: not the favorite, babe. It's actually just because their little
33:02
Speaker 1: brains think that you are them and they are you insane,
33:05
Speaker 1: that is so it's kind of cute, right, And once
33:07
Speaker 1: you understand it, you're like, oh, well, and you know what,
33:10
Speaker 1: I guarantee when I'm a mum, this circumstance will happen
33:12
Speaker 1: and I'm going to be elated. It's five am. On
33:15
Speaker 1: a Sunday morning. Back my kid can say Dad, they're screaming, Dad,
33:20
Speaker 1: and I get to roll over in bed and be like,
33:22
Speaker 1: it's you, honey, perfect, that's you. Oh my gosh, I
33:26
Speaker 1: can see it's going to be studying.
33:27
Speaker 4: I'll be like, that's you, that's not me. In that case,
33:30
Speaker 4: I'm kind of happy about that.
33:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, So like we're not mad. I'm mad they're the
33:33
Speaker 1: favorite because I am that child, so therefore I'm also
33:38
Speaker 1: your favorite. Yes, stunning. Anyway, let's get back to talk
33:43
Speaker 1: about this idea of having it all. So there's a
33:46
Speaker 1: term that we probably both hear a lot recently, and
33:49
Speaker 1: that is girl boss. So I kind of just want
33:52
Speaker 1: to touch on girl boss hustle culture, that kind of I'm
33:55
Speaker 1: not a girl, I'm actually a woman. I didn't know
33:58
Speaker 1: that actually to start like that. I feel like even
34:02
Speaker 1: the term girl boss, if you like sit and stare
34:04
Speaker 1: at it for a hot minute, it's like the patriarchy
34:08
Speaker 1: sticking their middle finger up at you because they won't
34:11
Speaker 1: even call me a woman. In that circumstance, a girl
34:15
Speaker 1: is flitty and fun and like doesn't take anything seriously.
34:19
Speaker 1: I'm not just a boss and a girl boss like
34:22
Speaker 1: I feel like there was this culture where we're really
34:24
Speaker 1: trying to embrace it for a while. But I just
34:26
Speaker 1: think that this idea that we need to reference our
34:30
Speaker 1: gender when talking about our professional capabilities blows my mind.
34:34
Speaker 1: Oh a female doctor, female lawyer, Yeah, girl boss. No,
34:40
Speaker 1: I actually just happened to be a boss of a business.
34:42
Speaker 1: I actually I don't even call myself a boss. I
34:45
Speaker 1: think that that's actually really toxic because I don't want
34:48
Speaker 1: to boss my team around. I actually want to be
34:50
Speaker 1: a leader. I would love to think that. You know,
34:53
Speaker 1: if you sat down my team individually, they'd be like, yeah,
34:55
Speaker 1: he's a really good leader, Like she leads by example.
34:58
Speaker 1: I don't want to be somebody that bosses people. It
35:00
Speaker 1: just the whole thing to me is toxic. But the
35:03
Speaker 1: idea of this girl boss culture and this hustle culture,
35:08
Speaker 1: gen z, they've got it covered. I want to be
35:11
Speaker 1: a gen Z when I grow up. They have it covered.
35:13
Speaker 1: They have canceled it, they're pushing it back. They leave
35:16
Speaker 1: on time, they leave their jobs. They're like, oh babe,
35:18
Speaker 1: it's five pm, and people will be like, well, why
35:20
Speaker 1: are you leaving? Like we've got hips to They'll be like,
35:22
Speaker 1: are you going to pay me, Like the audacity on
35:24
Speaker 1: a gen Z needs to be cut and pasde into
35:27
Speaker 1: every other generation because I'm obsessed. But then you talk
35:31
Speaker 1: to the baby boomers and they'll say things like, oh,
35:33
Speaker 1: but you have to cut your teeth. Oh but you
35:35
Speaker 1: have to put in the time, energy and effort. Oh yeah,
35:37
Speaker 1: well I had to do it, so you have to
35:39
Speaker 1: do it. Absolutely not, No, I can't say that, Like,
35:43
Speaker 1: your ability and your capability and your worth as an
35:46
Speaker 1: individual is not dictated by how many hours you put
35:49
Speaker 1: into that thing. Like it just it blows my mind.
35:52
Speaker 1: But this idea of having it all, I think there
35:55
Speaker 1: is this idea of having it all, but it looks
35:57
Speaker 1: really different these days. And I think that to flip
36:00
Speaker 1: this to be a little bit of a personal anecdote,
36:03
Speaker 1: COVID taught me a lot about having it all. Like
36:06
Speaker 1: you guys know, I would hope by now enough about
36:08
Speaker 1: me to know that I came out of corporate. I
36:10
Speaker 1: was running a relatively large business. COVID happened. We decided
36:15
Speaker 1: to really scale it back. I just didn't want to
36:17
Speaker 1: do what I was doing, like I was the girl boss.
36:20
Speaker 1: And I think that we need to acknowledge that I
36:22
Speaker 1: did fall into that. Obviously my mentality now has changed,
36:25
Speaker 1: but like beck get this. I would get up this.
36:28
Speaker 1: It is disgusting, and I mean, if you want to
36:29
Speaker 1: scroll back that far on my Instagram, you're probably going
36:31
Speaker 1: to find it because I haven't tried to hide it.
36:33
Speaker 1: But yeah, so I used to get up at four
36:37
Speaker 1: thirty am. I used to go to the gym. There
36:40
Speaker 1: was a very long period of time where I thought
36:43
Speaker 1: a bulletproof coffee was real cool. So I'd make that
36:46
Speaker 1: in my neutral bullet I blend butter with coffee because
36:50
Speaker 1: obviously that's genius, and I'd put MHC or something. There
36:53
Speaker 1: was like some kind of special it was like this
36:56
Speaker 1: oil I can't even remember, but I would buy it
36:58
Speaker 1: online from herb. Anyway, I'd have my bulletproof coffee and
37:02
Speaker 1: I would have gone to the gym, and I was
37:03
Speaker 1: like stacking on the protein. I would like journal. I
37:06
Speaker 1: didn't even know what I was writing at that point,
37:08
Speaker 1: but like, this is how to be successful, this is
37:10
Speaker 1: what you do. Like I was journaling junk, like I
37:13
Speaker 1: wasn't putting down my real feelings. I was writing things
37:15
Speaker 1: out like I am a boss, I'm a badst bitch,
37:18
Speaker 1: like it was like really bad. And then I had
37:21
Speaker 1: this idea in my head that to be the leader
37:24
Speaker 1: of the company, I needed to always be work. So
37:27
Speaker 1: like I would make sure I was at work by
37:29
Speaker 1: like seven or seven thirty, so that I was there
37:32
Speaker 1: before every single one of my staff got there, so
37:35
Speaker 1: I could be like, oh, good morning, and I was
37:37
Speaker 1: like there before you. Also, if you were still there
37:39
Speaker 1: in the afternoon, there is absolutely no chance I would
37:42
Speaker 1: have left before you. I would make sure I was
37:44
Speaker 1: a first in and the last out, because that's how
37:47
Speaker 1: business owners should be, right. I had absolutely no life.
37:50
Speaker 1: My mental health was in the bin. Yeah. I looked
37:53
Speaker 1: pretty cute though, because like I got up and I
37:55
Speaker 1: always put on my little power suit and looked great,
37:57
Speaker 1: rah rah. But that was not a reflection of my
37:59
Speaker 1: men health space. COVID happened, forced and all. There's obviously
38:03
Speaker 1: like a few gaps in this story if that's fine,
38:05
Speaker 1: But COVID happened realized that that was trash. Was forced
38:08
Speaker 1: to work from home. Obviously, mental health for everybody during
38:12
Speaker 1: that period of time sucked. So I was spending way
38:14
Speaker 1: way more time in bed. I also wasn't having to
38:16
Speaker 1: please anybody or like adhere to these cultural norms of
38:20
Speaker 1: being there at seven am. So I started sleeping in,
38:22
Speaker 1: and I started not having that disgusting bulletproof coffee, and
38:25
Speaker 1: I started like listening to my body and how it works.
38:27
Speaker 1: And now the way I run a business is entirely different.
38:30
Speaker 1: And I do think that having it all means something
38:33
Speaker 1: so different. Like do I want to be the biggest
38:35
Speaker 1: business in the world. No, Like I am so adverse
38:39
Speaker 1: to hiring new individuals into the team unless it's absolutely
38:44
Speaker 1: critical to maintaining the quality of content that we put
38:48
Speaker 1: out here. I don't want to be the biggest podcast
38:50
Speaker 1: in the world. I don't want that burden. I don't
38:51
Speaker 1: want that responsibility. Do you know how much fun we
38:54
Speaker 1: have every day? Like we come in it's relaxed, Like
38:57
Speaker 1: I get to catch up with what I feel like
38:59
Speaker 1: am my good friends. Like we create some content. We
39:01
Speaker 1: don't put timelines on things in the same way that
39:04
Speaker 1: I would have done historically. Like I've been talking about
39:07
Speaker 1: a new investment course for so long. I'm so excited
39:10
Speaker 1: by the way it's coming. We've done on the branding,
39:12
Speaker 1: I have started writing it. It is coming, but like
39:15
Speaker 1: we haven't put a due date on it because I'd
39:17
Speaker 1: prefer it to be created in this beautiful way that
39:20
Speaker 1: everybody's always engaged with it, and when it happens, we'll
39:22
Speaker 1: start announcing it. But historical me would have been like,
39:25
Speaker 1: all right, Beck, so we need to sit down and
39:27
Speaker 1: we need to map this out and get it done
39:29
Speaker 1: by the first of March, and then it goes out.
39:31
Speaker 1: Here's the marketing strategy. Like, I've just taken away the
39:34
Speaker 1: aggression from what I have been creating, and I think
39:37
Speaker 1: that that has meant that we've thrived even more. Like
39:39
Speaker 1: this idea that my team don't have set working hours.
39:43
Speaker 1: It's just like thirty eight hours a week. Yep, call
39:45
Speaker 1: it even. Like, I just think this idea of hustle
39:47
Speaker 1: culture it's dead. And you know why it's dead because
39:50
Speaker 1: you can't be your best self when you're focusing so
39:53
Speaker 1: hard on something that shouldn't even define you. Yeah, I
39:56
Speaker 1: don't want to go to a barbecue and people go,
39:58
Speaker 1: are you that girl from shees on the Yeah, I'm
40:01
Speaker 1: also I'm a really cool friend and I really like
40:04
Speaker 1: talking absolute trash, and I really like this other friend
40:07
Speaker 1: i'd like to introduce you to. And I'd like to
40:09
Speaker 1: have a nice cocktail and have a good time, like
40:11
Speaker 1: I don't want to be defined by my work. Yeah,
40:13
Speaker 1: it's very unlikely that I would talk to you about
40:16
Speaker 1: that because I'm like, oh, I do that a week,
40:18
Speaker 1: Like can we not talk about that? So I think
40:20
Speaker 1: it's really important to go, well, what's a value to you?
40:22
Speaker 1: And I'm pretty sure Beck if I sat you down
40:24
Speaker 1: and said what are your values? Do you want to
40:26
Speaker 1: be defined by the work that you do?
40:28
Speaker 2: Not?
40:28
Speaker 1: Really? You don't want to be a video producer forever
40:30
Speaker 1: and a podcaster like that's who you are and what
40:32
Speaker 1: you do when you live and you breathe it. I'm
40:35
Speaker 1: kind of getting that way, but I definitely don't want
40:36
Speaker 1: to be. Yeah, but it's because you're passionate, not because
40:39
Speaker 1: you're forced into the society. I think you need to
40:42
Speaker 1: adhere to the social norms of what a video producer
40:45
Speaker 1: would look like exactly exactly. It's crazy to me this
40:49
Speaker 1: idea that, especially as women, we are expected to adhere
40:54
Speaker 1: to our job right, Like if you see a lawyer
40:56
Speaker 1: on Instagram, a female lawyer, Ye, girl lawyer, I'm gonna
41:01
Speaker 1: start being really condescending and I'd be like doctor male doctor,
41:05
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's a boy doctor boy doctor, boy scientist,
41:10
Speaker 1: a boy signed, a boy scientist. I've never heard of
41:12
Speaker 1: that before. But I just I think this idea that
41:15
Speaker 1: as women we need to be professional twenty four seven
41:19
Speaker 1: absolutely out the window, like it, straight out, straight out,
41:23
Speaker 1: It makes absolutely no sense. Why can't I be seen
41:26
Speaker 1: as an absolute professional and also love cats and buy
41:31
Speaker 1: fairy wings on the internet and love painting my nails
41:33
Speaker 1: rainbow colors and talking to my friends about absolute trash
41:37
Speaker 1: and sharing that publicly while not diminishing the fact that
41:40
Speaker 1: I am actually a finance expert. I have a lot
41:44
Speaker 1: of credentials in this space. I'm actually relatively intelligent. My
41:48
Speaker 1: fun and my life doesn't matter. I might be a
41:50
Speaker 1: train wreck on the weekends. Does that change the level
41:53
Speaker 1: of intelligence and value I bring to the world. Absolutely not?
41:55
Speaker 1: You do you boo? Absolutely sis, one hundred percent. I'm
41:59
Speaker 1: not about to go create only fans. It's just not
42:01
Speaker 1: my vibe. But like if I did, does that mean
42:03
Speaker 1: that I am not as smart when it comes to
42:06
Speaker 1: managing money? No, absolutely not. But that doesn't make me
42:09
Speaker 1: any less of a human because I have different values
42:11
Speaker 1: and goals and things that I like engaging in. I
42:14
Speaker 1: think that when it comes back to what does making
42:16
Speaker 1: it actually mean? What do you actually want out of
42:18
Speaker 1: your life? I think a really big question that we
42:20
Speaker 1: need to ask ourselves is is my career dictating who
42:24
Speaker 1: I am? And if it is, and you're so passionate
42:27
Speaker 1: about it, great, Because as much as I personally talk
42:28
Speaker 1: about not wanting to be defined by my job, far
42:31
Speaker 1: out berecome obsessed Like I live it, I breathe it,
42:34
Speaker 1: like I get up in the mornings and I'm thinking
42:36
Speaker 1: of new things that I can do. I'm so passionate
42:38
Speaker 1: about it. You might not have that passion, and that
42:41
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Not everyone has a passion exactly.
42:45
Speaker 4: We've talked heaps about this kind of like grass is
42:48
Speaker 4: greener mindset and this kind of like comparison culture and
42:51
Speaker 4: things like that.
42:52
Speaker 1: But I guess what should we take away?
42:54
Speaker 4: How can we shift our mentality and kind of bring
42:57
Speaker 4: ourselves up and stop this like looking at our the
43:01
Speaker 4: Joneses and our neighbors and trying to like, you know,
43:04
Speaker 4: one up each other.
43:06
Speaker 1: So you know horses, horses, I do know, yeah, yeah, Well,
43:10
Speaker 1: so they have these things called blinkers that they put
43:13
Speaker 1: on them so that when they're racing, they don't get
43:15
Speaker 1: distracted by the horse beside them, because they'll be like, oh, horseye,
43:19
Speaker 1: that's crazy, and that's what I'm like, So I need
43:23
Speaker 1: to put some blinkers on to make sure that I
43:26
Speaker 1: can't see what other people are doing. And I think
43:28
Speaker 1: that that starts by only following content online that actually
43:33
Speaker 1: resonates with you. I think there's a very big difference
43:36
Speaker 1: between aspirational content and content that you're following because you're
43:40
Speaker 1: envious of it deeply. And I think we need to
43:42
Speaker 1: have a look at that and go, well, where are
43:44
Speaker 1: we starting? Because obviously, when we talk about the grass
43:47
Speaker 1: is always greener mindset, there's this black and white view
43:50
Speaker 1: that it's all or nothing. And I think that when
43:52
Speaker 1: we talk about well where are you getting your content from?
43:55
Speaker 1: Beck like, how is this working? How do we put
43:58
Speaker 1: maybe some blinders on ourselves so that we can only
44:01
Speaker 1: see our personal goals and what we are trying to
44:03
Speaker 1: achieve and still celebrate what people are doing on the sidelines,
44:07
Speaker 1: but it's not the main focus. It's not something that
44:08
Speaker 1: really distracts us. We can engage with it. You know,
44:11
Speaker 1: you could completely turn around and go, Victoria, what are
44:13
Speaker 1: you doing? How does that make sense, but then you're
44:15
Speaker 1: able to get back on track and see what your
44:17
Speaker 1: goals are with clarity instead of them being confused. Like
44:21
Speaker 1: I don't want you to go into someone else's lane
44:23
Speaker 1: because it looks like the grass is greener, because it's
44:25
Speaker 1: genuinely an optical illusion, Like everybody's life is a highlights reel.
44:30
Speaker 1: And I know that we talk about this before and
44:32
Speaker 1: it's not something I haven't mentioned on the podcast, but
44:35
Speaker 1: when we say it's a highlights reel, obviously, social media
44:38
Speaker 1: really exemplifies that because you know, you see people's stories
44:41
Speaker 1: every day, even my stories, right Like, I'm not going
44:43
Speaker 1: to post the parts that I'm feeling a little bit
44:45
Speaker 1: flat because it's just not engaging. I'm not going to
44:47
Speaker 1: post the parts that are a little bit mundane and boring,
44:49
Speaker 1: like me walking to different meetings or taking notes or
44:52
Speaker 1: you know, looking at my pod content being like, oh,
44:54
Speaker 1: what are we doing next? I'll post the part where
44:57
Speaker 1: someone brings a coffee into our studio and it's all
44:59
Speaker 1: uppity and fun, but also that stretches into life. Beck,
45:04
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit down with you at brunch and
45:05
Speaker 1: go how are you? And you go trauma dump like
45:08
Speaker 1: you're gonna go, oh, I'm really good, and you're be like,
45:11
Speaker 1: internally you kind of go, wow, beck's really good, I'm
45:13
Speaker 1: not really good. Like the entire world is a highlights
45:16
Speaker 1: reel because we always want to focus on the positive
45:18
Speaker 1: and share the positive because we usually have some type
45:22
Speaker 1: of guilt by burdening other people with negativity, so you
45:26
Speaker 1: don't want to do that. So the grass is always
45:28
Speaker 1: greener because someone's telling you that their grass is so
45:30
Speaker 1: green right now, how is it over there in that past?
45:33
Speaker 1: You Beck, and you be like, look, it's really nice,
45:35
Speaker 1: Like thanks for asking, I'm having the best time look
45:38
Speaker 1: at my green grass. And then when you look down,
45:40
Speaker 1: you're like, far out's pretty muddy in here. I'm feeling
45:42
Speaker 1: real trash about this. Got no fertilizer. Things can go
45:45
Speaker 1: to absolute sh one t next week, Like we're not
45:48
Speaker 1: looking at it in the way that we should be
45:49
Speaker 1: looking at it. And just because your grass looks greener, one,
45:52
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean it is, but it also doesn't mean
45:54
Speaker 1: it's catastrophically terrible. And I think that there's this juxtaposition
45:58
Speaker 1: where people say, well, if the grass is greener, you
46:00
Speaker 1: got there and it was terrible. No, like might be
46:02
Speaker 1: the same, but like the grass is greener where you
46:05
Speaker 1: water it. The grass is greener where you're actually nourishing
46:07
Speaker 1: the grass and growing your own and putting your own
46:10
Speaker 1: pastures into sw Like it's really sexy to have your
46:13
Speaker 1: own pasture. Yeah, heck mi, I might be full of clover,
46:16
Speaker 1: but you know what, I love my clover. It's very
46:19
Speaker 1: very good. But I think that there's just this idea
46:22
Speaker 1: that it's all or nothing. If I'm going to be
46:24
Speaker 1: a career giralie, I need to go all in with it.
46:27
Speaker 1: You do everything, just doesn't mean you have to do
46:30
Speaker 1: all of it all at once, exactly right, slow and steady,
46:34
Speaker 1: no rush, just get it done. Dabble in the things
46:37
Speaker 1: that make you happy. Like obviously, comparative thinking is really negative.
46:41
Speaker 1: Fortune telling sucks as well. So like a type of
46:44
Speaker 1: bias is where your brain believes it's able to see
46:47
Speaker 1: into the future. Literally, it's a psychological phenomenon where your
46:51
Speaker 1: brain just thinks it's able to predict the future. How
46:54
Speaker 1: many times have I said, if I could predict the future,
46:57
Speaker 1: I'd be real rich. Like, because you can't, you can't
46:59
Speaker 1: do it. And the narrative that you'll hear in your head.
47:01
Speaker 1: Beck when that comes up, is I'd be so much
47:05
Speaker 1: better off if I X y Z. I'm going to
47:08
Speaker 1: be in a better position if I ABC. I'd be
47:11
Speaker 1: so much better off if I had what Beck had.
47:14
Speaker 1: That's fortune telling because you don't know that. It's not guaranteed.
47:18
Speaker 1: Who absolutely knows that. Nobody. So I think it's really
47:22
Speaker 1: important to kind of just talk about this narrative because
47:25
Speaker 1: the grass is greener mindset. Honestly, it oversimplifies the alternative
47:30
Speaker 1: as being the better alternative. I might be allergic to
47:33
Speaker 1: your grass. I don't know. Yep, all right, V.
47:36
Speaker 4: So what I'm taking away from this and correct me
47:38
Speaker 4: if I'm wrong, But I'm going to go through and
47:40
Speaker 4: lessies out. Okay, So first things first is be mindful
47:43
Speaker 4: of your thinking. Stunning, challenge your thinking. Yes, absolutely, be
47:48
Speaker 4: grateful for what you have. Be grateful for what you
47:51
Speaker 4: already have, for you already have.
47:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. I feel like that's the most important thing. Yes,
47:56
Speaker 1: for you already have.
47:57
Speaker 4: Not to say that literally, you know, a couple of
47:59
Speaker 4: weeks ago, I said, if someone says you should be grateful,
48:02
Speaker 4: then you shouldn't be grateful. But I'm saying be grateful
48:04
Speaker 4: for what you already have yea world. Be present as
48:09
Speaker 4: present as you can be, Be focused, and make changes carefully.
48:14
Speaker 4: So brainstorm options lists the pros and cons of possibilities,
48:18
Speaker 4: talk to others when you need it, act and evaluate
48:20
Speaker 4: the change, and of course, last but only seek professional
48:24
Speaker 4: help if you do feel like you're struggling one hundred percent.
48:27
Speaker 4: There are so many resources out there that can help you.
48:29
Speaker 4: My favorite one at the moment is Beyond Blue. And
48:32
Speaker 4: I'm saying that because I think that there's this misconception
48:35
Speaker 4: that you you should only reach out to professionals like
48:38
Speaker 4: that when things are really bad, like it's catastrophic.
48:41
Speaker 1: Like nasis. If you want to change your mind frame,
48:44
Speaker 1: these are great resources to be helping you do things
48:47
Speaker 1: like reframe, and they're usually free, so go check them out.
48:51
Speaker 1: But Beck, as always, it is a pleasure hanging out
48:54
Speaker 1: with you each and every single week and getting to
48:57
Speaker 1: do a little deep dive into a topic that I'm
48:58
Speaker 1: wildly passionate about. That is all we have time for today,
49:01
Speaker 1: So let's go and we'll see you, beautiful people on Friday.
49:04
Speaker 1: CSM Bye.
49:12
Speaker 6: The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
49:14
Speaker 6: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
49:18
Speaker 6: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
49:22
Speaker 6: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.
49:25
Speaker 6: If you do choose to buy a financial product, read
49:28
Speaker 6: the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial.
49:31
Speaker 1: Advice tailored towards your needs.
49:33
Speaker 6: Victoria Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives
49:37
Speaker 6: of money SHERPA pty Ltd ABN three two one is
49:41
Speaker 6: six four nine two seven seven zero eight AFSL four
49:45
Speaker 6: five one two eight nine