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How to Avoid Gaslighting Tactics from Your Manipulator · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up and live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to take a quick moment to say thank you, thank you, whether it be morning, afternoon, or evening when you've decided to tune in and listen.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: Just really thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking some time out of your day to spend with me.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: And today's topic is a little bit of a heavier one.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um I have in the past talked about uh a little bit about narcissism, a little bit about gaslighting, what gaslighting is, and just toxic relationships.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I will say that recently the the concept of gaslighting has been something that has come up uh several times over the recent uh the recent past.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so I felt that what I wanted to do was approach it in a different way.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: It was more of a how does how does one really respond to somebody who is gaslighting them?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because gaslighting is that emotional manipulation that causes the person who's being gaslighted to doubt their own perception, their own emotions, their own sanity, sometimes their own identity.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And the gaslighter uses this subtle way of emotional abuse to just undermine the person's the gaslight's um reality and twists the truth and denies facts about that person's environment or experiences or words or actions until that person no longer really trusts their own self, their own sense of of uh perception, and they really start to really question their sanity or just you know how sensitive they are or if if they they um they're acting in a right way, so to speak.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh gaslighting is really a manipulation strategy that is used by uh covert narcissists or just in those toxic relationships to manipulate control and gain power over the other person.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: It can be in romantic relationships, it can be in parent-child relationships, it can be in the workplace, it can be in friendships.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: But you can recognize um a covert narcissist by just their their excessive need for admiration, the lack of empathy, the grandiose sense of self-importance.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: They, you know, covert narcissists will tend to believe that they're unique and special, and they have this exaggerated sense of self-entitlement, and they often just show those attitudes and behaviors, and they take advantage of people uh by um, you know, in order to achieve their own goals.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh somebody recently asked me what's the difference between confidence and narcissism, and and it really is rooted, you know, in confidence you believe in yourself and your abilities, but not at the detriment of others.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: And in narcissism, it's really from an egoic standpoint where it's um, you know, believing in yourself by putting others down, by making them feel less than.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um and like I said, gaslighting can occur in romantic relationships, it can occur in workplace relationships, friendships, parent-child.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: They can really honestly happen wherever.
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  SPEAKER_01: And when you are a victim of gaslighting, you can really be left feeling like you're out of control or that just your own mental health can be at at stake.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, your own self-image can can really take a hit.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do you respond to somebody who's gaslighting you?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the first and foremost is to be able to slow it down and to observe and identify that the the pattern of the dynamic between you and the other person.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um so really, you know, slowing it down and noticing certain things, like when they are excessively over over excessively obsessed with themselves or arrogant, manipulative, when they tend to be very controlling, uh, the inability to feel that empathy, or when, you know, they're somewhat abusive in the tone that they take.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh it's it's in in a lot of times um a gaslighter will tell you apparent lies, or they'll try to trivialize your own feelings, or they'll try to accuse you of overreacting, um, you know, discrediting you, questioning your memory.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times when you're being gaslit, you'll hear things like, uh, that's not how it happened.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you're you're remembering that wrong.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you'll constantly start to feel confused, or you'll start to question your own sanity, like I had mentioned earlier.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh oftentimes people who are gaslit think that they can't do anything right.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they they struggle with their own self-esteem and confidence, and they tend to think no matter what they do, it's gonna be wrong.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: Uh they blame themselves when things go wrong, apologize uh cons constantly, um, and and find it, and if you find yourself making excuses for the gaslighter's behavior, that's another way to just recognize it's and slow it down and recognize, okay, I I may be being gaslit here.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um so once you recognize that you are in that dynamic and you're being gaslit, it's it's really trying to sort out the truth and just and to stick to the real evidence.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: So recognize that the gaslighting's happening, you know, maybe keeping a record of what was said, and then you know, sometimes we, you know, somebody who's been gaslit will do this to just double check the truth for themselves so that when the that manipulation happens, uh you feel like you have your own sense of um evidence as to, you know, documentation, not necessarily just evidence, but documentation of what really happened.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, because a lot of times when somebody routinely gets gaslit, it becomes normalized to question, question their own, their own ability to remember the situation.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Uh another way that we really uh talk about handling somebody who's gaslighting uh is to set boundaries.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And usually in a toxic dynamic, uh boundaries are lacking.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so when when somebody recognizes, so if you recognize that you're being gaslit, it's gonna be really important to set boundaries and to start saying no to the gaslighter's requests uh on demands that are being placed upon you.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it's true, like especially if you're in a consistent dynamic with somebody where you're being gaslit, you know, releasing those feelings of being responsible for disappointing that other person.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um just learning to say no and setting those boundaries and focusing on your needs in order to keep those boundaries and keep them firm and protect your rights from um and protect yourself from just consistently being gaslit.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you if if you're not able to set those boundaries and it's just it the gaslighting continues and continues, like I mentioned before, it gets normalized.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: That false sense of self really starts to get normalized.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Uh making self-care a priority is really huge when you're notice that you've that you are in a situation where you're routinely being gaslit, making self-care a priority for yourself is going to be important.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh self-care can definitely increase your mood and your confidence, but self-care also allows that space to bring down that stress, bring down that anxiety that could be uh the result of being gaslit.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you stay in that high state of stress and overwhelm and anxiety for too long a period of time, you you run the risk of uh really facing PTSD at that point because we can only withstand as humans to stay in that high, that high level of survival mode, you know, that fight or flight for only a certain amount of time.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: If we're there all the time, we start to see the the negative effects of it.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: So some strategies to just help with that self-care are just being able to really pay attention to your your sleep your sleep habits and your sleep patterns and making sure that you're putting some healthy ones into place, making sure you have regular physical activity, adding a meditation or mindfulness practice, yoga, positive affirmations, spending time on hobbies, things that bring you joy and happiness, uh spending time with your loved ones, uh your friends and family that you really trust.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Other techniques of self-care are just uh practicing daily gratitude, uh, self-compassion, journaling are all ways that you can uh really put into place those self-care practices.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then finally, if you really are in a situation where you're being gaslit and you need assistance and support and having somebody that you can uh rely on routinely for that safe space to unpack what's happening in that dynamic so that there is there is somewhere that you know that you can talk through and work through uh what is happening in that dynamic.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's really important to seek either uh uh coaching or therapy or some type of situation where you can work through the feelings that are starting to build up in order to unpack them and to work through them and to grow through them.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: If you are uh if you find yourself being gaslit, it's really important to pay attention to that because gaslighting is it is a form of emotional abuse, and it's really important to take care of yourself and to set yourself free from that situation.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you don't, like I mentioned before, it does lead to um really facing some um some normalcy of some not normal things, right?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: And we end up uh, you know, that's when when I know that from my experience with my clients, they start showing signs of just uh PTSD and and and reacting to situations um in a negative way.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: So if you do think that you are in a situation where you are being gaslit, I do encourage you to find the support that you need and to maybe put some of these strategies into place.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: If at any time I can be of support and you'd like to reach out to have a conversation with me, feel free to do that at any time.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Until next time, I'm Comedy Wood.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.