Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Insecurities 😢 with Tijana Bundalo

Transcript

Insecurities 😢 with Tijana Bundalo · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoday production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: up together.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let.
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: The emotions flow, and find the lessons to.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table with Grow
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: and Glow and we're here to be your expander. Welcome
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: back to the show, Grow and Glow. Welcome back.
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: We've got an exciting guest today, very exciting, a beautiful girlfriend, Tiana.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Grow and Glow.
• 0:52
  Speaker 4: Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: to be here. I'm super excited for this conversation.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: We are so excited to have you. But you want
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: to give us littlerundown on who you are and what
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: you do for work, because I think it's obviously very
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: relevant to our audience.
• 1:04
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, yes. So what I do essentially is I help
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: women build self worth. So essentially I help women take
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: off the cool girl mask and really tap into like
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: their most authentic self. And a lot of the times,
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: like women struggle with that, with insecurities and things like that,
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: and so for me, it's about pulling back those layers
• 1:21
  Speaker 4: and like unraveling and revealing who they actually are at
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: their core as opposed to the person that they need
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: to present themselves as.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Wow, I love that, like cool girl masks. I feel
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: like we all definitely put that on sometimes to be
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: accepted and to be loved. Oh, I'm so excited to
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: get in this conversation.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: But fat.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: Got a share of the week. So every single week
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: here and I share something that we're absolutely loving that
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: we're obsessed with that we've started doing a product. What's
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: something that you were loving right now?
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Oh, this is a good question. Okay, So at the moment,
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: I've been really taking the time to rest. So for me,
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: it's been really go, go go recently, and it's just
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: been so chaotic. But you know, when you get into
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: that flow of things where you just don't even realize
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: that you're just kind of like working on autopilot. I
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: was doing that for so long. Yeah, yeah, and you're
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: just doing things for the sake of doing things. So
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: for me, it has been slowing down, re implementing my bedtime,
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: getting up early in the morning, and just really making
• 2:15
  Speaker 4: time to like schedule out like rest time, like actually
• 2:19
  Speaker 4: putting it into my calendar and being like, for this
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: two hours, I'm doing nothing and it's been so beautiful. Yeah,
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: that's awesome.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: I've been trying to practice that more too. Hey, it
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: is like resting and giving yourself permission to do it.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Like I was talking to you about, I don't watch
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: a lot of TV with the kids, but I was
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: messaging Tianna this morning and I was like, last night,
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Seve was out a dinner. I was like, we're going
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: to watch something together because I just had nothing left.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: So I just watched some nice things on YouTube together.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: But I had no energy to play with them. And
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: sometimes you do you just need to actually lay your
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: body down and do nothing.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: You just need to veg out sometimes.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: And now the fact that you actually schedule it in,
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: if it's not on the calendar, you fill it in
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: exactly by putting it on the calendar, It's like, Ooh,
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: I actually have to hold myself accountable and I need
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: to create the.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Space for this.
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: It's even like friend time, Like if you don't schedule
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: into the calendar, you're not going to make time for it,
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: and then you know you'll see somebody in three months
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: and go, well, we didn't make time to see each other.
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: So it's like when you can schedule things in and
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: make it as important as like a work task or
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: training or like sleeping or eating, then it's like you
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: just get to implement it so much more beautifully.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: So true. Now, when we were discussing what topics we
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: wanted to talk to you about, there was just so
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: many and we're lucky we've got you for two episodes,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: so stay tuned for today's. We've also got you for Wednesday.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: But today we wanted to talk all things in securities. Yeah,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: because we are women and we all have insecurities. I
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: think everyone has insecurities and it's something so many of
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: us struggle with day to day, and some more than others,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: but they still do just arise. So this is something
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I'm assuming a lot of your clients come to you
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: with insecurities within their bodies, within their relationships, their friendships,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: their work, Like is it a bit.
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: Of everything, yes, So insecurities. I think this is a
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: huge topic, especially for women, like where do we ever
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: really have a space where we can talk about insecurities
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: without feeling shame about it? And so I think this
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: is going to be really powerful, And I can't promise
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: that after having this conversation, you're not going to be
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: like obsessed with this work and actually seeing insecurities in
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: a really positive light. So I'm really excited for that.
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: Oh so cool.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: And the women that come to you, are they normally
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: fixated on like one particular insecurity, like I'm insecure about
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: my salu light, or I'm insecure in my relationship, like
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I can't, you know, let my partner go out and
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: do things that normally one thing or do you find
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: that insecure people have like multiple that you're working on.
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: I would say it's more of like a core consensus.
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: It's like a core energy. It's like either I'm not
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: smart enough, I'm not capable enough, or I'm not beautiful enough.
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: Those are like the three main ones. And so I
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: usually see within my clients, and you know, every single
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: woman that walks through the door has some aspect of
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: this where it's like, Okay, I don't feel capable enough.
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: That then shows up in their business in their careers,
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: in the opportunities that they allow themselves to go after,
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: and then I'm not beautiful enough shows up in comparison.
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: They're comparing themselves to their friends people on social media,
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: like it just every single one. It kind of stems down,
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: but it has like this overall arch of like impacting
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: every single thing that they do in their life because
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: the insecurity is like con uming them and kind of
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: putting like this like rose colored glasses on themselves so
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: that they're not seeing themselves clearly, and so it impacts
• 5:13
  Speaker 4: their ability to show up their self esteem, their self image.
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: They're not seeing themselves for all of who they are.
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: They're only seeing themselves for the insecurity that they're consumed by.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Right, And I love that you're a self worth coach.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: I'm assuming like we all have insecurities, but women that
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: have a strong sense of self worth, the insecurities wouldn't
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: take over to a lot of impact all those things
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: in their life. But if you don't have much self worth,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I'm guessing it would really take over and impact it.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: It does, it really does, especially with women. Like women
• 5:40
  Speaker 4: aren't prone to be like go and be your most
• 5:43
  Speaker 4: confident self. You know what I mean, like go and
• 5:45
  Speaker 4: be bold about it, be loud, be self expressed, Like
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: women aren't taught to like go and own that about themselves.
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: And so women are very like composed the nice girl, soft, gentle,
• 5:56
  Speaker 4: quiet reserved into this little like perfectly packaged box you
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: know that is leasd with insecurity. Yeah, you know, And
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: where does it all stem from? Insecurity? So it's a
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: really interesting thing. So I believe that there are different
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: facets of insecurity. So like essentially it's a manifestation of
• 6:13
  Speaker 4: like insecurity is a wound, and it manifests into like shame,
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: self doubt, negative image in a critic negative internal dialogue,
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: and it stems from I believe three places, so one
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: being past experiences, one being generational and societal pressures yeah yeah,
• 6:32
  Speaker 4: so social conditioning yeah, and like expectations and standards. So
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: I believe that like our most core wounds, because insecurity
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: is a wound. Right, So like every time you're experiencing something,
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: you know, say you're with your girlfriends, you're getting ready
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: for dinner and you go to take a photo, and
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: all of a sudden you're looking at the photo and
• 6:48
  Speaker 4: you're picking yourself apart, right, that wound is then being
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: activated in that moment from you know, a past experience
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: that you've had where someone maybe made fun of you
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: in primary school for the way that you look or
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: the way that your hair sits, or the way that
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: you speak. And so it can be a manifestation of
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: that of like a past experience with like what I
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: just explained, or it can even be generational. So like,
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: let's say, for an example, you have like a parent
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: or a guardian who is really anxious, and they're very
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: anxious in social settings. You might then witness that behavior
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: and then mimic that behavior and adopt that right, just
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: like what they did, right, because we are such sponges,
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: especially at such a young age, that we then adopt
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: those behaviors. And then in terms of like societal pressures,
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: it's like all you have to do is look at
• 7:34
  Speaker 4: the beauty standards, look at Instagram, social media, what people
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: in groups are like clinging to in terms of what's accepted,
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: what's trending, Yeah, what's accepted, what everyone's doing. You know,
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: even like I don't know if you guys have seen this,
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: but you know, like the Angelina Jolie kind of trend
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: where it was like she was like the pinnacle of
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: like that look, and now I feel like everyone has
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: kind of gone down that beauty route of like this
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: is what's accepted. Yeah, I don't know if you guys
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: have seen that.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: No, I'm not you mean yeah, yeah.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: So it's like, you know, following what everybody else is
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: doing and then going Okay, if I'm not doing that,
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: then I'm not going to be accepted or I'm not
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: going to be loved or valued as much as the
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: people who are doing those things.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: So if the client comes to you and says that, like, oh,
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I just can't get any photos, like I pick myself
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: a part of the time. I hate what to see
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: in the mirror. What kind of process, Like obviously you
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: do life coaching, what kind of process do you take
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: them through in a session?
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: They never love this, They hate me when I do this.
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: But the first thing that I ask them is are
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: you using filters?
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Oh? Wow?
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: Are you using filters? Are you editing your photos? And
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: where are you like face tuning? So, like this is
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: a huge thing because especially like in our generation as well,
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: they are so conditioned to comparing themselves to those filters.
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: And what it does is it immediately triggers the insecurity
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: in that moment, right, And so the first thing that
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: I get them to look at is, Okay, where are
• 8:51
  Speaker 4: you doing these things? Because it's perpetuating how you're feeling
• 8:53
  Speaker 4: about yourself and it's only going to increase the level
• 8:56
  Speaker 4: of like negative internal dialogue that you have about yourself.
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: And so the first step of that is go, Okay,
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: are you doing this? Yes or no? Then they let
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: me know and then they're like, oh, I know where
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: this is going. And I make them go cold turkey
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: on those things. And so it's about removing the editing apps,
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: not using any filters, only taking photos with the normal
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: facing camera because what it does is it allows their
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: perspective of themselves to readjust to the way that they
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: actually look in real life.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: And what if they're not using them, What.
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: If they're not using them and they are faced with
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: insecurity about the way that they look. Yes, the first
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: thing that I get them to do is actually just
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: stare at themselves in the mirror.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: Mirror work.
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, mirror work. So just looking at themselves, not
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: needing to do anything necessarily, but just recognize themselves in
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: the mirror and then allow the judgments to come up right,
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: because it's like what happens is people Let's say, for example,
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: you know you put a little bit of weight on,
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: you're not happy with the way that you look, or
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: like you don't like your facial features. You look at
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: yourself in the mirror, and the first thing you want
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: to do is you want to run away from it. Yeah,
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: And you want to go, oh, nope, I don't want
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: to look here. This doesn't run away put your makeup
• 9:59
  Speaker 4: on or adjusting something. Yeah, And it's like I don't
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: want to face this discomfort. So it becomes about facing
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: the discomfort and going I can sit with this and
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: letting all of the judgments come up, because it's almost
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: like a brain dump brea. It's like, you know when
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: you write out things on paper, it's like you need
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: to get all of the self judgments out so that
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: you can brain dump it out, get it out of
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: your head, and then go, Okay, how can I now
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: cultivate a relationship with myself, which essentially looks like bringing
• 10:26
  Speaker 4: forward all of those judgments, facing the discomfort of that,
• 10:29
  Speaker 4: and then going okay, how can I walk past this
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: mirror every single day and pick something about myself that
• 10:33
  Speaker 4: I actually like, that's beautiful something about myself that I
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: actually appreciate. You don't need to immediately go straight to
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: self love, like that's an unrealistic expectation for somebody who's
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: struggled with self love for so long. All you need
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: to do is have compassion, Yes, Like start with compassion
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: and just go Okay, maybe wow, I like the way
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: that my hair's sitting today, or wow, that top is
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: really cute today.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: I've got interesting like cool color eyes.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, things about yourself. You're like, oh wow, that's
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: really quirky. And you know, maybe I would have previously
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: thought that people to judge me for that, but I
• 11:06
  Speaker 4: actually find it really interesting about myself. You know those
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: things where you're like, oh, will people judge me for this?
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: But it's like, no, that's actually what makes me unique.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: This is what I love about life. Coaches too, is
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: it's like a lot of the time when we feel discomfort,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: we do run because there's no one holding us accountable.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: No one else knows what you're going through. You can
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: park it to the side and no one else is
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: going to know anything. You can put on your mask,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: pretend you're cool and everything's all good, but then you
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: have to be faced with that again. Whereas when you've
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: got someone like yourself taking you through that work, holding
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: your accountable and helping you move through it. Yeah, you're
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: taking a step to a new better you. It's really cool,
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: so true.
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's so interesting. You mentioned something before about makeup. Yeah,
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: and there are so many ways that we can like
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: hide our insecurities. Yeah, and it works the way that
• 11:48
  Speaker 4: I would imagine like addiction works, Like when you continue
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: to have the addiction of whatever it is, you need
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: more of that thing to get that need met right,
• 11:57
  Speaker 4: And so with insecurities. And for me in my personal experience,
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: I used to have this like deep core wound of
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: like unworthiness, which is originally why I started doing love
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: coaching in the first place, because that was my wound
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: to work on, which is why I'm able to help
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: women now, which is so good. And I used to
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: have this yet core wound of unworthiness. And what I
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: would do is whenever I was feeling like bad about myself,
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: where I noticed something get triggered within me, the first
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: thing that I would do would go put on a
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: cute outfit, get ready, put makeup on, and I would
• 12:24
  Speaker 4: go somewhere that was really busy, somewhere that was really busy,
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: where I would get validation for the way that I
• 12:29
  Speaker 4: look because I would notice people looking at me, or
• 12:33
  Speaker 4: I'd be like, you know, I can see that person
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: in the corner of their eyes staring at me. And
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: because I lacked that within myself and I didn't know
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: how to be that source of validation for myself, I
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: had to seek it in the external world. And that's
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: how it manifested for me. And I didn't realize until
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: I had to consciously bring that into my awareness of like,
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: this is like one of those moments for me, And
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: so I was constantly seeking validation in the external It's
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: so interesting to understand how it kind of manifests in
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: real life. You have to then do more of it
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: to continue to suppress the wound, right because like with insecurities,
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: every single time that you lean towards something, let's say
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: like filler, botox, makeup, getting ready, whatever it is, and
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: you're not addressing the core insecurity, you then create that
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: wound bigger. What was once the size of a golf
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: ball becomes like a crater like wound, and insecurity within
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: you that continues to grow because you're looking for the
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: band aid solution. That's like putting a band aid on
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: a gushing wound, right, it doesn't actually do anything. It
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: does temporarily because it provides like temporary relief, but it
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: doesn't do anything for the long time. And this is
• 13:41
  Speaker 4: the misconception about self worth. Everyone's always like, you know,
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: looking for the quick fix and things like that, but
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: nothing that's going to sustain for the long term. Like
• 13:49
  Speaker 4: we want like the slow burn, right, but we're so
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: addicted to like instant gratification and exactly, and like you know,
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: having those things accessible to you immediately, and you know,
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: naturally we're going to go, oh, yes, I want the
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: relief right now. I don't want to feel insecure. I
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: don't want to feel like I feel worthy. I don't
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: want to look at the fact that I'm comparing myself
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: to her, Like all of these things come up and
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: it's challenging to look at, but it's so freeing as well,
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: because on the contrary to what I just said, every
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: time that you look at an insecurity and choose to
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: face it, you then shrink that wound. That's beautiful.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: I love that you shaid that story too, of getting
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: dressed up and going outside validation. I was saying wow, wow, wow,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: because I think so many women will be going wow.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: That was me and it just reminded me when I
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: was younger and as soon as I can get my
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: boobs done, I wanted to have done because I felt
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: like I was just always the ugliest out of my friends.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: So I got the biggest breast and plants that they
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: would possibly put in there, and all of a sudden
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I started getting attention from men. Yeah, So I was like,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I am hot, I am fitting in. I am now
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: winning bikini competitions like I used to enter it. There's
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: more than competitions. And I used to wear like big
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: black smoky eyes, like you remember those Napoleon foundation sticks. Yeah,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: sick found. Yes, It's like the more makeup I wear,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: the more exhair extensions I have. Like everything was just
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: laid upon layer because I thought the more I have on,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: the more done up I look, the more love I
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: will get. Yeah, And it's so cool now to be
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: at a stage rum even like considering removing my implants,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: like I just don't need that to feel love. But
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: you can have compassion from where you're at and I
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: just think so many women will relate to that.
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. We we even talking about this the other day
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: about how like who you are internally doesn't match the
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: external anymore. Yeah. So it's like at one point that
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: was what you wanted because you're like, oh, it's feeling
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: a void almost of like I'm hot, like all these things,
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: you get that validation mat and then when you grow
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: and evolve and you do this work, you then shift
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: and change the way that you feel inside, so you
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: no longer want the same level of attention that you
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: were getting coming from a place of I need validation
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: from its past.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: So different and just on the topic of I don't
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: know why breast implants comes to me, but it does
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: because now I'm nearly up to my ten years of
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: needing to get them done anyway, and I would probably
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: get them like maybe smaller. But it's not from a
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: place of like I hate myself or I need validation.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: It's like I do love boobs, but it comes from
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: such a different energy. I love the makeup thing too,
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: because I found for a while and I had really
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: bad skin, I was trying to cover up all the
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: time that once my skin cleared up. I challenged myself.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Obviously having clear skinn it help, but I challenge myself
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: to not wear makeup every day and still look in
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: the mirror and love who I was. And it was
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: a really good exercise to do because I was like,
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I still love myself just as much. And my hair
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: went through that last year. I had this thing in
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: my head that like, the longer my hair is more beautiful,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: I'll be more feminine. I will be And then when
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I cut it all off, I was like, You're still
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: just as cool. You're still just as bad ass, like
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: your friends and Steve and everyone else is going to
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: love you just as much. Your hair does not mean
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: jack shit. And it was so cool to go through
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: that process of like this doesn't mean anything.
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: When I started going through my healing journey, I stripped everything.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: I stopped fake tanning, I stopped getting eyelash extensions. I
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: took all my hair extensions out for a solid two years.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: I've just gotten them back now. But I'm getting it
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: because I want to. It's not because I was hiding beforehand,
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: but I shed all of it for two years. I
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: was just like, nah, like I just want to get
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: back to Kire, back to Kiara, like who is she?
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: She need?
• 17:05
  Speaker 4: Like that? Who is she? What does she need? I
• 17:07
  Speaker 4: love that? And how did you feel in that moment
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: when you naked naked?
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: When I first took my hair extensions out, I felt
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: I did everything I didn know Tan for ages too,
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: like I did the whole Yeah, and I felt really exposed,
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: but in the best possible way, because I felt like
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: I was ready to expose who ready to strip it
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: all down? I was ready to rip it all down.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: And now we look back like we were just watching
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: videos of Kiara and I are like probaly six years
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: ago our eyelashes. How do we even see eyes opened?
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: How did they open lash extensions for so long? I'm like, what.
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: Are you talking about? Strip on lashes or false lash there? False?
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: Like send them?
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I have, And I remember having the biggest insecurity
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: when I would take them off. I would literally say
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: to myself like I look like a boy. I look
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: like a boy. And I felt so bare, so naked
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: without them because I adjusted my lens of myself had
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: adjusted to me having lashes that whenever I didn't of them,
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: it was like boom insecurity and it's just same thing,
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: nails ten hair, hair color.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Even like I thought the blonde are the better. I
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: just wanted to stand out and be loved. And at
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: one point I must have been so praised for being
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: the blonde head barbie with big boobs and got attention
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: of that that I clung onto that. And now it's
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: like done a full one eight. Hey, let's go further
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: on the chat around this topic. Talk to me hair color, botox, fillers, surgery, Like,
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not against it. I think everyone does what they
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: need to do to feel good, but I'd love for
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: you to just unpack it a little bit more of the
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: different places that's come from. If it's coming from a
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: place of I hate myself compared to like I'm consciously
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: deciding to do this because of XYZ. Like, do you
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: think there's a difference or you like a hard No,
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: you should just feel good within your skin.
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: There's definitely a difference. I definitely believe that there's a difference.
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: I also believe that everyone deserves to have like autonomy
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: and like sovereignty within themselves in their own body, Like
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: I would never want anybody to feel like that choice
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: is taken away from them. However, I think it's important
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: to understand like what place it comes from, because let's say,
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: for an example, if it comes from a place of
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: like deep insecurity, where it's like I need this in
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: order to be good enough, I need this in order
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: to feel valuable or to like receive attention or love
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: or praise from other people, then it's coming from a
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: place of serious lack, you know. And I can only
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: say it because I've been there, Like I got my
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: boobs done at eighteen, Like it was the first thing
• 19:26
  Speaker 4: that I did as soon as I turned eighteen, So
• 19:27
  Speaker 4: like I understand where that comes from. But it also
• 19:31
  Speaker 4: is like it can be really detrimental as well. It's
• 19:33
  Speaker 4: almost like a merryga around that, like you can't get off,
• 19:35
  Speaker 4: you know, if you go down there and you fall
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: down too deep, you can get stuck there. And you know,
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: you see that happen often with women kind of go
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: a little bit overboard, and obviously each to their own
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: of what that level actually looks like. But to the
• 19:48
  Speaker 4: degree that's like constant feel it, constant is constant that,
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: and constant upkeep, and then it's like, you know, everything's
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: perfectly presented on the outside, but it's like shell of
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: a human on the inside. And I can only say
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: that because I was that person. I was a shell
• 20:01
  Speaker 4: of a human being being that like so perfectly constructed
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: the outside, but then's nothing on the inside. It's like
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: you feel empty, you feel lonely, you don't feel good enough,
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: you feel insecure, you don't feel confident at all.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: If you have to connect properly yourself, you know.
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: As well, because you're pretending to be somebody, you have
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: this like persona on this mask of like who you
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: think you should be. That when you speak to people,
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: you don't even know what the fuck to say.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Yes, you know.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: So there would be some good questions that people could
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: ask themselves if they're doing it for the right reasons.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: Like I know there's a few things that I do
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: for convenience, Like even like my little glue on lashes
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: every now and then, if I know I've got things on,
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: I'm like.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, just cclue the mon because they last like a week?
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: Yeap.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: Is it because it's convenient or is it because of this?
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: This?
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: And this?
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: So like I ask the questions, what's the questions maybe
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: you can ask.
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: I think a good question would just be to ask,
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: is this coming from lack or is this coming from
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: an enhancement. It's just really simple, really basic, but also
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: gives you an indication of like, Okay, once I answer
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: this question, then I know how to deep dive, right,
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: because it's like we need to first identify like where
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: it's going to come from first. If it's like, okay,
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: am I doing this because I genuinely believed that, like
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: I'm not good enough if I don't have this as
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: opposed to this is something I actually just want to
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: do for myself because it feels good. It makes me
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: feel good. It's like two different places.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I've told this story. I think on the podcast before
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: we were talking about Miller getting bullied and it's something
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I didn't share for years, but I've had my nose done,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: and I was saying, like, if my little girl came
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: to me and was getting the level of bullying that
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: I was getting and she was a shell of a
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: human because of how unconfident she felt, like I would
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: one hundred percent stand behind her. Wanted to do that,
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: and my mom did. As soon as I was of age,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: she took me to a surgeon. Yeah, and I'm still
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: so grateful because it was like my whole high school,
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: I was just no one wanted to get to know
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: who I was because it was just like Ashley with
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: the big nose, had rocks thrown at me, tomatoes thrown
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: at me, like people just picked me all the time.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: I was called a prawn, ripped the head off, keep
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: the body, like at supermarkets, like people talking about how
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: by my nose was. It was just constant, and I
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: felt like I could not shine. I couldn't be my
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: true self. No one wanted to get to know because
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: I was so ugly, That's what I thought. And getting
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: that surgery, like it really did help me step into
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: be who I was and have this confidence so I
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: could shine bright. So like that's where I'm not against surgery,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: because it really did change my life for the better.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: It really can be the right decision for each individual,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: depending on where it's coming from.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, and even that like such a beautiful story
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: as well, and like I'm sorry that happened to you.
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: That's fucked up, Like people can be so ruthless.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: So exactly, I think if my younger self, I'm like, fuck, no,
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: one don't even want to go to school. I'd sit
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: at the front of the class and someoneould call my
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: name and I'd turn around and they just like throw
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: something at me and call me a big nose. I
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: didn't want to go. I would hate for my kids
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: to experience that. So like something like that I think
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: is really beneficial and cool.
• 22:41
  Speaker 4: It is, it is, and it's also from the right place. Hey,
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: But even that in this sense coming from a place
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: of like my external isn't matching my internal. I feel like,
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: I don't know if that feels true for you, where
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: it's like who I am on the outside is not
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: embodying who I feel on the inside. And I feel like, yes,
• 22:57
  Speaker 4: potentially it does come from an insecurity, but then also
• 22:59
  Speaker 4: it comes from a beautiful place as well, So there's
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: like there's always two sides to everything. So it's like,
• 23:04
  Speaker 4: you know, in that moment, like what you said, it
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: also benefit you. It helped you come out of your
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: shell and overcome what you were feeling when you were
• 23:11
  Speaker 4: experiencing those things being bullied, and so it was actually
• 23:13
  Speaker 4: more beneficial for you. The decision that you made had
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: like a good return on investment for it.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Yes, And I kind of feel like that too, Like
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: it's different, but surgery is not as accepted these days.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: But it's like someone that's really overweight and they don't
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: feel confident and comfortable in their own skin, and they
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: lose weight and they feel confident to shine and like
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: wear the shorts and go to the beach, Like that's
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: a nice, healthy decision that comes from a good place
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: of wanting to be healthy and to be more confident.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: It's the same with some surgeries.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Do you think if you were never teased about your nose,
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: it would be something that you would have wanted to
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: get done anyway, or do you think it was because
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: of those motherfuckers A mix.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: I don't think I liked it, but they've really made
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: it very loud and clear that it was not attractive
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: until they pointed it out. I don't remember being like,
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: oh I hate my nose, but once everyone started pointing out,
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: it was like the thing known at the school.
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: And then when I could see people I used to
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: work at a supermarket if I saw people talk about
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: it too, which just like constant my face. And my
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: mum was the best person because she also had a
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: big nose and she was like, I get it. I
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: got so teased, Like I wish my parents could have
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: helped me get surgery. So I don't know a bit
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: of both.
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, whether you're stuck in comparisonal where everybody else is.
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: We feel that social pressure from the external and being
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: like okay, well now these people are then saying this
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: about me based on them comparing to what is quotations
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: acceptable or the expectation or standard you know. So it's
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: like then that gets internalized as a wound and then
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: the deep rooted insecurity and it stays with you and
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: it's so tough, like those moments like never leave you.
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: So I can only imagine how it would have felt.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: And as a parent, like I know you do it
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: with your girls and Lincoln as well, Like you try
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: to build so much confidence within them, but if there
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: is something that they ain't, Like if Miller comes to
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: you and says like I want to get vinears. Maybe
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: you are beautiful the way are you don't need that? Like, no,
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: You'll be like cool, let's explore this together. That's going
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: to make you feel more confident. You only work with women.
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: Right, not men predominantly. Eh. I market to women because
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: I've had the most experience with women. I haven't as
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: of yet, like worked with any men, but I wouldn't
• 25:08
  Speaker 4: be opposed to it.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, what would you say is the most common insecurity, like, say,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: within the last twelve months that you're dealing with women,
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: is it like one that stands out?
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: I would say, like not believing in their capabilities?
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, overbody image?
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, overbody image, so like most of the
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: women do. But it's not the first thing that they
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: come to me with.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so maybe later on.
• 25:30
  Speaker 4: I think it comes up later on where that's like
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: sometimes the deeper rooted stuff where it's like, Okay, this
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: is so uncomfortable to talk about that I don't want
• 25:37
  Speaker 4: to bring it up. So whereas the first few things
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: that actually come forward when the women come into me,
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: they're like, okay, like I'm struggling with this and I
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: want to do this for my career or like I'm
• 25:47
  Speaker 4: you know, struggling with relationships or whatever it is, and
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: that the core consensus is literally like I don't feel
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: capable enough. And it's yeah, it's so interesting.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: I know for myself, it's so relatable, just my stepdad
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: telling me how dumb I was. Do you find most
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: of it comes from parents or like the younger years,
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: or is it more something that happens when they're old.
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: Predominantly it's like from childhood, so like predominantly it's from
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: like you know, their parent or caregiver being overly critical
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: of them, and then you know, like essentially your internal
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: dialogue is like your inner critic, which is your inner
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: critic is essentially your most critical guardian or caregiver, and
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: so you take on that narrative of yourself of the
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: way that they would treat you in those moments, you know,
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: at a young age. But I've had women, you know,
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: anywhere between like sixteen and twenty one come to me
• 26:31
  Speaker 4: with experiences from when they were sixteen to twenty one
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: in terms of like body image, you know, things that
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: they were dealing with at that time, not feeling capable
• 26:38
  Speaker 4: enough because something happened in school or high school, or
• 26:41
  Speaker 4: you know, a lot of women who come to me
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: have been you know, abused, or they've been clinically diagnosed
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: with depression anxiety like PTSD, like all of these different elements.
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: So everyone has their own unique story. But I find
• 26:53
  Speaker 4: it so interesting that the common theme is like women
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: aren't taught enough how to truly believe in themselves and
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: like be proud and to want to grow their self esteem,
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: you know, and to recognize their own value and know
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: that like it doesn't make you arrogant, it doesn't make
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: you rude, People aren't going to judge you for it,
• 27:11
  Speaker 4: and know that like that part of you is actually
• 27:13
  Speaker 4: such a beautiful element of who you are. And like
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: when you can build that, everything else in life becomes easier.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. We always talk about how much like our past
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: and our mistakes like shape who we are today. And
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: I love that we talk about that because I'm sure
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: you have that conversation with your clients too. The things
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: they come to you that are shameful around or they
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: feel like they've fouled out. It's like, so cool, that's
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: led to you to where you are. Now, Now what
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: are we going to do with that?
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's so beautiful as well, because like a lot
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: of the wounds that do come up, it's say, the
• 27:41
  Speaker 4: core wound is like I'm not capable enough. There's layers
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: to it, right, It's like, okay, cool, let's go down
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: and let's explore this a little bit. Boom rejection wound,
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: boom abandonment wound, you know, and like all of these
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: deeper aspects, and I would say that that's actually the
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: most common thing is the abandonment wound.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: I feel like every girl I speak to has that. Yeah, yeah,
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: some degree, definitely.
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: And do you find too this day and age with
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: social media, it seems to be having like a huge
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: impact on women's insecurities as well.
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it does increase people's insecurities because people
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: are comparing their selves to somebody else's highlight reel, you know, true,
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: and they only see you know, the winds and the
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: success and the cars and their relationships and you know,
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: all of their really good days because people want to
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: portray those things. That's beautiful, right, But it is an
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: unfair comparison when you are comparing yourself let's say, for example,
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: your whole pie to somebody else's quarter pie. Exactly. It
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: makes no sense because internally people are thinking, Okay, this
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: is what's happening for them. But I'm dealing with self judgment,
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: I'm dealing with shame. I'm dealing with this experience that
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: I had when I was sixteen, anger, frustration, resentment, all
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: these things, and like what is wrong with me? Like
• 28:51
  Speaker 4: is there something right with me?
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: Not have any of this? Yeah, it's not fair I
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: turn into a victim. You cannot compare someone's highlight reel
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: with your struggles or your chapter one with someone else's
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: chapter twenty.
• 29:02
  Speaker 4: Yeah, when you do feel insecure, how easy it is
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: to pedestal other people, you know, Like when you do that,
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: you take away the humanness exactly, and it's like, oh, wow,
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: now this person's up here. There's no humanis, there's no
• 29:14
  Speaker 4: human experience, there's no bad days and all those things.
• 29:17
  Speaker 4: Feeling insecure can make you and put you even further
• 29:20
  Speaker 4: into a box because you go, wow, well, the person
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: who I'm inspired by doesn't experience what I experience and
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: automatically create a gap between where you are as opposed
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: to like where everybody else is. And then it's just
• 29:33
  Speaker 4: when you do it on your own, when you don't
• 29:34
  Speaker 4: have anybody to talk to, it's not safe enough. Insecurity
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: is shunned and shamed and everyone needs to be perfect,
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: Like you don't have a space to be able to
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: talk about those things. When you don't, you internalize it
• 29:44
  Speaker 4: and you shame yourself for its toxic, and then it
• 29:47
  Speaker 4: just gets ten times heavy then it needs.
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: To be, and you know he's feeling bigger and bigger.
• 29:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, gets bigger and bigger, and then you just carrying
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: a backpack full of bricks, like, oh day every day,
• 29:59
  Speaker 4: you know, and it's just not a good time.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Do you give your clients advice to take some time
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: off social media if you feel like it impacting them?
• 30:06
  Speaker 4: That's a great question. I actually encourage every single time
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: I have a client on board with me, I get
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: them to do a consumption fast. Have you had of
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: that much similar? Yeah, yeah, it would be the same thing.
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: So it's six weeks basically, and you're not allowed to
• 30:20
  Speaker 4: consume anyone anything. No podcasts, no books, no TV, no Netflix.
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: You have to actually do this, Yeah, I make that.
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: You have to mute everyone on social media, mute their stories,
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: mute their posts. But you're still allowed to post, so
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: you can still you can still actively post whatever it
• 30:39
  Speaker 4: is that you feel you want to post on social media,
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: but you're not allowed to consume anybody. And the purpose
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: of this exactly what you just said. Yeah, you block
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: out the outside noise and a lot of the times
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: with like low self esteem, right, it's women struggle with
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: having a strong sense of self, right, and they have
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: struggle with that because they're consuming everyone all the time,
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: and so drowning out that noise allows them to sit
• 31:02
  Speaker 4: with themselves for long enough that their own opinion and
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: start coming back up. They get to stop being triggered
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: twenty four seven with the exact people who are triggering
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: their insecurities. They get to sit with themselves for a
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: little bit and rebuild the foundation of like I'm building
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: my strong sense of self. Their opinions come back, their
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: perspectives come back. They can explore their own knowledge, their
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: own wisdom, enjoy life like, experience what life is like
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: without constantly being reminded of how they aren't good enough.
• 31:29
  Speaker 4: And once they build a foundation of that, they can
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: then introduce themselves back into social media and go, oh wow,
• 31:34
  Speaker 4: this isn't as triggering anymore because they with process and
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: things like that. Yeah, you build like a stronger relationship.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: With yourself with reading as well. How you mentioned that
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: as one thing, Yeah, because I feel like even sometimes
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: I can go deep down the rabbit hole of like
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: just trying to get better, trying to get better, yeah,
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: really to the detriment of me, And I'm like, Kiara,
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: it's all good, Like you will get there in your
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: own time, but it's like you're trying to fast track it,
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: so you're trying to read all the books, do all
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: the things. Yeah, that's really interesting that you said as well,
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: like pauls on them.
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because personal development can be unproductive sometimes, right, Yeah.
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: I feel like that too sometimes where I'm like sometimes
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: I'm just doing it to tick the box and I'm like,
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: I'm not even having a good time.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: I felt like that would try to read a physical
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: self development book. It felt like I needed to do it.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: But now I'm like, I like to listen to it.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: But I felt like I needed to like get through these.
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: Books because it's like, oh, well, if it's physical, then
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: I'm yeah, yeah.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm plucking from everything. Yeah, like there's no podcasts,
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: no nothing for connected with ourselves.
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and with nature, it's just so much more ground
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: than and calm, and like I didn't know what was
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: going on anyone's world, and I actually didn't care, isn't it.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: I want to know what's going on and everyone's.
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: And you know what I find is really interesting when
• 32:40
  Speaker 4: I did so. I first did this consumption fast and
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: then I did it for another six weeks and then
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: I just basically have like everyone muted other than like
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: you guys, because like I know the impact and like
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: the positive impact that it has. And when I first
• 32:56
  Speaker 4: did it, I realized how much I was creating false
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: connections with people.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Oh interesting.
• 33:02
  Speaker 4: I was watching people's lives and going, oh, I'm up
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: to date with what you doing, but I'm actually not
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: connecting with you in any way.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: I actually noticed you have a really small following list
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: because I try and keep mine under five hundred. Then
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: I saw you had two hundreds, Like, oh shit, yeah,
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: they go through another because it's cool, Like if you're
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: not following them, you're not consuming it.
• 33:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Self development can be like unproductive. So it's like,
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: you know, the person who constantly buys and needs to
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: like do more and more and more is like, is
• 33:25
  Speaker 4: that also coming from an insecurity of like not doing enough?
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: It's coming from a place of lack lack. Yeah, to
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: be smarter, to be accepted and we make more successful
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: than I'll be more loved or have the money, more significance.
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: Or be more valuable.
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: It's in a more like more and more like instead
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: of just being present and content with who you are
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: where you're at, Yeah, giving yourself that space so cool
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: with your work do people have like a one off
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: session with you or is it like a three month
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: blocking We're going to go hard and by the end
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: of it you're going to feel X y Z. How
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: does it work with people wanting to work with you?
• 33:55
  Speaker 4: Yes, sir, I predominantly just do like one on one
• 33:58
  Speaker 4: coaching at the moment, So like I'm doing twelve weeks,
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: you can like lock in twelve weeks. I have like
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: I've just introduced like a new option at the moment,
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: So it's like twelve weeks of one coaching, which is
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: one on one calls. And then also Boxer supports. You've
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: also got me like every day of the week, like
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: in your back pocket to help with everything.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: That group really so for people who don't have support
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: at home with the friendship group, like they've just got
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: like a sister.
• 34:19
  Speaker 4: Honestly, Foxer is my favorite thing because it's just like
• 34:21
  Speaker 4: conversations like this.
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: I remember we first met and I was like going
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: through something like they've done like Boxer.
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's in real time, so it's when they
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: actually need you, Yeah, having the meltdown, having the moment,
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: it's like they've got you.
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: It's so good and it's almost like like this like
• 34:37
  Speaker 4: having a live conversation, and I think there's something so
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: beautiful about knowing that the person is there when we
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: need them is like a game changer as opposed to
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: like I went through this thing and now two weeks later,
• 34:47
  Speaker 4: I'm jumping in a one on one call with you.
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: Let me just like catch up and remember all the
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: things that I was feeling in that moment. You know.
• 34:52
  Speaker 4: So I think it's so much more transformative having Boxer
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: end calls. You can just like collapse time in what
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: you can heal through. And then I'm also offering as well,
• 35:01
  Speaker 4: just Boxer only for twelve weeks. I was just introducing this. Yeah, yeah,
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: so that'll be something that I offer as well.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: I love that I've noticed a shift in your content
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: on your tiktoks and your Instagram. Really yeah. It used
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: to be just like a couple of nice quotes or
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: like you're steering out the window and you have some
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: words on there, but now it's like the things you
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: say is so I'm like, she took it to me.
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: I need to hear that.
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: Excellent.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Even if people don't work with you, like I really
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: advise you go follow you because like you post every
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: single day. You're so consistent the information. It's like just
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: the way you explain things everybody in the car the
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: other day, it's like you just know so much. I
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: just love it. I talk to you all the time,
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: and every video you post, I'm like, wow, bam, that's true,
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Like oh my gosh, and think about it like that.
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: So thank you, even for that free advice that you
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: give out.
• 35:46
  Speaker 4: You've got your.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: Broadcast channel, it's so cool.
• 35:48
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: So many ways that people can connect with you and
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: learn from you. And this has come from you know,
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: like the last six years. If you deep diving in
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: your self development, work through pain, through different experiences, it's
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: just so beautiful you can share all that with everyone now.
• 36:01
  Speaker 4: Thank you. I appreciate that. Honestly, I just want to
• 36:04
  Speaker 4: have like a space where like personal development is so accessible,
• 36:07
  Speaker 4: like I feel like for the longest time and fun.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're cheeky.
• 36:10
  Speaker 4: Sometimes I am very cheeky, And that's the whole point
• 36:13
  Speaker 4: of like a part of my message is like being
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: able to look at these insecurities and treat your life
• 36:18
  Speaker 4: like a game. Treat finding insecurities like a game, as
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: if like okay, the next time that I see in
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: insecurity of mine, I'm going to have a confidence of
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: lovel on the other side. Okay, let's go seek that, yeah,
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: as opposed to like, oh, let me hide this in
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: a hider way and like never let anybody see this
• 36:30
  Speaker 4: because I'm so shameful of it. So it's like I
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: know what it feels like from experiences that I've had
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: to be so consumed by shame, and I just want
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: to be able to release that for everyone and like
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: actually make personal development fun again.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it can be fun. It does make it fun.
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: So we make it fun.
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: That's what we try to do as well with our podcasts,
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: and like we jump on the I can see that, yeah, deep,
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: but like we can have fun whilst we go through
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: the ship while we in it. Surrounding yourself with sisterhood
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: as well, that makes it fun alone.
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think even just being on this podcast as
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: well with you guys. You guys have such a playful,
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: beautiful energy about you both, and you bounce off each
• 37:08
  Speaker 4: other and the flow of the conversation can go like
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: quite deep. But then it's also like, oh now we're laughing.
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: Now we're talking about boobs. Now we're talking about that's like,
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: that's vulnerability, that's just being a self.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: That's why I think we're leaders too, because the more
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: that we are ourselves, more we can lead and show
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: other women that they too can be themselves and be
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: fully loved and fully accepted and fully worthy of all
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: the things that they desire, regardless of what you look
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: like or where you've come from, or the shit you've
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: done or the things that have happened to you. And
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: we're walking examples of that, and that's why we're here today.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: I suppose thank you so much for being here. It's
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: not the end, because you're coming back on Wednesday. What
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: are we talking about on Wednesday? Just to give them
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: a little heads.
• 37:46
  Speaker 4: Up, thank you for having me. Both of you. We're
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: going to be talking and deep diving into ego, which
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: is going to be I'm excited. It's just going to
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: be such a beautiful deep dive of like everything I
• 37:54
  Speaker 4: was talking about in terms of like wearing the cool
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: gold masks. So we're going to dive into that.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: I know a little bit about ego, but it's not
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: something i've ever dived deep into with a coach or
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: like really learned about.
• 38:04
  Speaker 4: I'm excited.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: I just kind of know that it feels yucky when
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: someone's in their ego or I can feel when I'm
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: in my ego. I understand it, but not to the
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: level that I think you'll be able to teach us.
• 38:14
  Speaker 4: Get ready, get your popcorn and bring your friends.
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: Where can everyone find you as well?
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: Tiana?
• 38:19
  Speaker 4: Just on Instagram. I'm on Instagram and TikTok just Tiana Bundalo.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: Say how you spell your name because I spell it right.
• 38:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's t I j A n A b
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: U n d A l O. So you can find
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: me on Instagram. You can find me on TikTok, and
• 38:34
  Speaker 4: if you are open to it, send me a message.
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: I'm open for a chat.
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: And you do those what are those free audit things
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: you do? Because I love that I do free self
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: worth audits. Yeah.
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: So basically what I do is like, if you're feeling
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: like you're not really sure what you're struggling with within
• 38:46
  Speaker 4: your self worth, and you're just like, I know that
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: something is not right, but I don't know what, and
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: you want to discover what that is. With the free
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: self worth audit, I get you to feel out like
• 38:55
  Speaker 4: a form basically, and I take you through like a
• 38:57
  Speaker 4: thirty minute call, give you three pain points that you're
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: currently dealing with based on what you fell out that
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: you can then go and work on to start increasing
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: your level of like self esteem and self works amazing.
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: It's honestly been such a game change. Of the feedback
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: that I've had from it has been phenomenal. I've had
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: literally one of one clients come in from that being like,
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: oh my god, like this is a whole other world.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: So it's just a cool intro. If you're listening and
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: like you're scared to get help with you you're not
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: ready to quite commit to a twelve week flock, come
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: and do this for free. So I consume new content
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: and just like let that be your first step that
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: you're taking action.
• 39:28
  Speaker 4: And it's free as well, and you can take away
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: from that as well. You can go implement those things
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: for the next twelve weeks and you'd see such phenomenal change.
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: So I encourage you to come to it.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's awesome. Thank you, thanks for being here your Wednesday.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: It sounds good. Thanks for having me. Love things. Bye.