Latest / SET FREE SISTERHOOD-how to stop drinking, over drinking, binge drinking, christian sobriety podcast, quit drinking, sobriety, christian women / 211 \\ The Real Truth About Self Help, Self Improvement, and New Years Goals!

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211 \\ The Real Truth About Self Help, Self Improvement, and New Years Goals! · SET FREE SISTERHOOD-how to stop drinking, over drinking, binge drinking, christian sobriety podcast, quit drinking, sobriety, christian women

0:00
Unknown: Happy New Year, my beautiful sisterhood, I hope you
0:03
are here and you're listening in wherever you are is fantastic.
0:09
And that's what I'm gonna talk about here in a minute, we're
0:10
going to talk a little bit about, where are you right now
0:14
in this first week in January, where do you want to be, and how
0:19
it's okay to not just jump right in yet, like, you know, have to
0:23
have everything all put together. But before we get
0:25
started, and I'm also going to read something that I wrote, and
0:30
it's going to support this whole message of something that has
0:33
really changed in my life of instead of really focusing on
0:38
the new me or the better version of me grow and let that blossom,
0:44
but also, how can I untie and become the things that I just
0:48
don't want? anymore? And how can I shed that stuff. And so we're
0:52
going to talk a little bit about that. And I'm gonna read to you
0:54
a very sweet, vulnerable letter that I wrote after personal
0:59
experience that I had. So before we get into it, I do want to
1:03
thank you for all the reviews, thank you for reaching out
1:07
saying that you're interested in upcoming coaching and programs
1:10
that are coming up continue to do that, let me know your
1:13
interest. We're working on behind the scenes, getting
1:16
something ready, hopefully for February, mid February for
1:18
y'all, because that's what I thought I thought, well, you
1:21
know, do I need to like jump right in January? And I was
1:23
like, no, like, I'm not even ready. I have truly allowed
1:27
myself to have some space this week, you'll notice I haven't
1:30
been as active on any social media, which Oh, no, that's not
1:34
my main thing. Anyway, I enjoy checking in. And I want to be
1:37
more active in our personal group this year. And I will, I'm
1:40
committing to doing that. But I think it's just time to continue
1:44
to take space. I mean, good gracious, our kids just went to
1:46
school this week, man just went back yesterday. So continue
1:51
listening, continue growing, reach out with any questions.
1:54
And if you haven't written a review yet, and given it five
1:57
stars, the podcast, please scroll down and do that. If
2:00
you're listening on Apple. It's super simple. That's where this
2:04
show continues to get out in the message spreads because they
2:08
show it to more listeners as they put in those key words. And
2:12
I just got an email today from a woman saying, Hey, I somehow
2:17
found your podcast by the grace of God. And I know you're saying
2:23
what I'm feeling and I'm struggling, can you help me? So
2:26
this is what I'm here for. And I want y'all to know that you're
2:28
not alone. I get emails like that on those weekly now, of you
2:32
saying, Hey, I am failing everything you're saying. I can
2:38
tell that you've been there helped me I don't know what to
2:41
do next. I've tried for the kazillion time, I thought I
2:45
could do it on my own. I thought I could just pray more or go to
2:48
church more or just believe more or willpower more. And I
2:52
realized it's not working, what do I do next? And so that's what
2:54
I'm here for, to help you and guide you along the way. And let
2:59
you move forward to be in set free, my friend. All right,
3:03
enjoy the episode. Hey, Sister, are you newly alcohol free, but
3:08
you've been hanging on for dear life, hoping you don't fall
3:11
backward? Or maybe you're still stuck in a cycle of over
3:14
drinking, even when you told yourself you would stop waking
3:17
up each day with thoughts of self loathing? Is your anxiety
3:21
through the roof so much that you wake up at 3am with your
3:24
heart racing and negative thoughts about yourself? You had
3:28
it so well, not many people know, girl, I get you and I see
3:32
you. I'm Michelle Porterfield. And for so many years, I
3:35
experienced all of this. Here's the deal. quitting drinking is
3:38
just the first step. I believe that's why it can be so scary.
3:42
We know deep down, it's more once we see what's underneath
3:45
all the covering up. True freedom is found. And I'm here
3:49
to help you do just that. So whether you're newly alcohol
3:53
free, or just sober, curious, there is freedom on the other
3:56
side. I can't wait to help you ditch the one which or help you
4:00
find your mindset breakthrough and reignite your purpose after
4:04
alcohol girlfriend, you are in the right place. Welcome to set
4:08
free sisterhood. Okay, I just want to talk a little bit about
4:14
the new year and how we tend to put a little pressure on
4:17
ourselves. And I'm really going to try to keep this short and
4:20
simple for you. If you have a word of the year, awesome. If
4:25
you don't, that's okay too. And if you have no idea what I'm
4:28
talking about, that's okay, too. For the last few years, I have
4:33
really just gotten to a place where I wanted something to
4:36
really focus on and be intentional about with each
4:41
year, whether it be inside of my life, my business or whatever.
4:45
But it's not just something we just want to pick
4:48
lightheartedly. If you do want to do a word of the year you
4:51
really want to take some time and sit with it. So I don't even
4:54
have mine official yet. There's just something that I'm praying
4:57
about and I'm thinking about and I kind of have a few that I've
5:00
Fill out the Lord is leading me. But I think that's what it boils
5:02
down to, like when you sit and go, Lord, what is it that you
5:05
really want from me this year? And what kind of focus do I need
5:08
to put into my life this year? You know, is it being more
5:12
steel? Is it being more present? Is it? Is it growth,
5:16
particularly, is it man last year was mission and it was so
5:21
clear, I heard beyond mission on mission. And it was confirmed
5:26
through several different friends through a sermon at
5:30
church, just different things like that. Like once you sit
5:32
with this, if this is something you desire to do, then look for
5:36
it, and he will send you the confirmation, but if you don't,
5:38
that's okay, too. I just wanted to talk to the ones that are
5:41
interested in this and maybe feel like oh, gosh, it's January
5:45
the fifth or whatever day it is. And I don't have it yet. Right.
5:50
Also, if you are you still got your Tria in your house is still
5:55
a mess. All right. If you took it down and use clean as a
5:59
whistle, and you're loving it, and rockin and rollin, great,
6:02
wherever you are, is fantastic. And just to like, spoiler alert,
6:06
there is nothing magical that happens on January 1. You know,
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all these years, I did spend time thinking it was like now I
6:14
love the way it feels. Don't get me wrong. I think for me,
6:17
though, I've been kind of listening to him just sort of my
6:20
intuition and like, feeling this this week. I'm like, why am I so
6:23
excited to move into January when I know what I know, right?
6:27
Nothing magical has happened. I don't just get some cup of
6:30
willpower or, you know, some new, like booster pack or get
6:35
anything special? Like what is it and I think for me is that
6:39
last quarter of every year, there is just a lot. You know, I
6:44
feel like as soon as Halloween hits, it's just crazy town,
6:48
whether it's you know, in my business as a hairstylist, it's
6:51
the holiday cooking and the food and the scheduling and the
6:55
planning and just the holidays themselves and budgeting for
6:58
Christmas presents and, you know, a lot of decision making.
7:02
And then it could be other things like finishing up your
7:05
medical expenses to like, do it finishing up taxes, whatever,
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it's just last quarters a big deal. And it can be really
7:13
awesome. I'm not saying it's stressful or anything like that.
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I'm just saying. I feel like when January comes around, like
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okay, cool. I enjoy the holidays, I enjoyed my people
7:23
now is go time, for me is just more of a freshness of just like
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okay, cool. Now I can have more intention, because I feel like I
7:31
don't have as much focus that end of the year. On on other
7:36
things as I do in the beginning. If that helps, it makes sense.
7:39
And if anyone can relate, I hope this that's helpful for you. And
7:43
I know some of you because some of my clients, I know you're
7:46
listening right now and you're like on it. You have already you
7:49
got your word, you got your goals, you got your intentions,
7:53
you got your new planner, and it's so beautiful. And you have
7:55
stickers and you have colors. You go girl, I love it. And I
7:59
love that about you. And that's not me, like yes, I'm kind of
8:04
the in between, I'm not the whole fly by the seat of my
8:06
pants girl. But I'm also like, well, I've got a list go and
8:09
I've got some ideas go. And so I just want to share that with
8:12
you. And as I transition before I kind of share with you how I
8:16
feel about when we are thinking forward, we also need to talk
8:21
about how we just don't want to dismiss last year ether, I want
8:26
you to at least spend a little bit of time looking at the 2022
8:32
Because I'm as I'm recording this podcast, it is January
8:35
2023. If you're listening to this down the road later in the
8:39
years, the severity of podcasts, and you can use this every year,
8:43
okay. But I want you to spend some time looking back and I
8:46
want you to come and just sit through the year in your mind
8:49
get really quiet scan through the year, January, February,
8:53
March just kind of go through and want you to write down
8:56
things like I want you to celebrate your wins, I want you
8:58
to celebrate the things that you're super proud of. So maybe
9:01
exciting things that my daughter graduated in May of last year,
9:05
things like that. And as you all know, I also got separated in
9:10
April of last year. So there's going to be different seasons
9:14
throughout the year that you're going to have some wins and
9:16
you're going to have some things that maybe were challenging.
9:19
There may be some struggles, but I also want you to look back and
9:23
spend time in celebration for a few moments and feel what that
9:27
feels like. And then also the things that might have been a
9:30
struggle may have been a challenge. Maybe there's some
9:33
grief and regret. I want you to ask yourself, what did you
9:36
learn? What lessons can you now take into the next year? Did you
9:43
behave in a certain way? Did you lose your cool okay, fine. What
9:48
what did you learn from that? How can you take that on? Did
9:50
you make choices that were not serving you? Okay, great.
9:55
What lessons have you learned? This is not an opportunity for
9:58
you to just do Make yourself feel bad. Okay, this is this is
10:02
really a healing process because then guess what you're going to
10:05
do, you're going to release all that, whatever that looks like
10:09
for you, you can write all this down on paper, you can verbally
10:12
do it, you can have your own little dance party, you can rip
10:15
it up. If you're a writer, and you write all this down and you
10:18
celebrate, I think that's the best way to do it. Because
10:20
you're going to be able to spend a little bit more time on it,
10:23
rip it up or burn it. It's that simple. Okay, so I want to share
10:26
that with you. Now let's transition into these words,
10:31
these buzz words that we hear and I thought this was so
10:33
interesting, because I was just so you know, when I when I go
10:36
back and think about earlier versions of me, Michelle, I was
10:41
sold out to some of this stuff like self improvement and self
10:45
help and new year new me fresh star, you know, I was wrapped up
10:50
all in that junk. Well, when you think about it, like new year
10:53
new me, what does that even mean? Mike? I'm not new? Yes,
10:58
I'm gonna make some new choices. But like, why would I want to
11:00
start brand new like because I have a lot of lessons and I have
11:03
a lot of memories. So it's just kind of silly. And then the
11:06
fresh start, that doesn't mean I want to get rid of everything
11:10
else and start brand new. But here's what I found interesting,
11:14
I'm going to read a couple of definitions for to you. And I
11:17
want you to think about this. So self improvement means the
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improvement of one's knowledge, status or character by one's own
11:28
efforts. Okay, and then self help means the use of one's own
11:34
efforts and resources to achieve things without relying on
11:38
others. Did you hear that? Both of those self improvement and
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self help is all about you doing it yourself, on your own, with
11:50
no one else help. Now, does that make any sense to you? As a
11:54
grown woman does that? Does that make any sense? Why in the world
11:58
would I ever want to try to grow and improve on my own without a
12:03
community without God? That goes against everything that he even
12:08
says like he is going to help you, he is going to help you
12:11
improve. And when he does it, it will be what he wants. And it
12:17
will be exactly what you need to be in walking into the woman you
12:20
need to base it. This was so fascinating for me when I think
12:23
about these words, that we've all been trapped in that we've
12:27
all been wrapped up in because they sound great. I never have
12:30
love the self help, because it did feel kind of a little bit
12:32
like how if I need help, how am I going to help myself by
12:37
myself? Like, doesn't that mean that in the idea of getting help
12:41
mean you reach out to communities, coaches,
12:43
counselors, pastors, teachers, friends, anyone? It just doesn't
12:49
make sense why. And we were not made to do this alone. And I
12:52
will tell you, as sort of a side note to all this, the enemy will
12:57
make you think that you're supposed to do this by yourself,
13:01
Oh, nobody needs to know or they won't understand or it, you
13:05
know, it's too much time investment to work with someone
13:07
is too much money, you can do this by yourself. Just keep
13:10
reading the books, keep pray and say that's what he'll do to,
13:14
he'll keep telling you, you know, if you just go to church
13:18
more, or if you just read your Bible more, or you just pray
13:21
more like you can figure this out, when he knows goodwill,
13:25
that you are stuck in a trap that he's got you in that he's
13:28
helping you stay there. And even though like that's the whole
13:31
point about the enemy, he knows the Bible, he knows it better
13:35
than we do. He was an angel, for goodness sakes. And if all this
13:39
is kind of over kind of like whoa, what is she going in here?
13:42
I'm just all this is just coming from my spirit right now.
13:45
Because this is what I'm seeing happening. Women are not getting
13:48
help, because they're an isolating themselves. And
13:51
they're not asking and it's time for you to capture that law. And
13:56
go wait a minute, I am not made for that. God made me for
13:59
community and he made me to get support. And he made me to trust
14:03
him. In his not my actions of doing more and being something
14:09
else is going to heal me. We have to put the effort. But he
14:14
is that's where he's, you're gonna get help. So start with
14:17
him. Sit down. That's one of my first pillars inside of the
14:20
program inside of anything is really getting off frantically.
14:25
Honest, and be honest. Be honest of what's going on in your life
14:30
and what's going wrong in your life in this relationship with
14:33
alcohol and then surrender. You've got to surrender. You've
14:37
got to say, Lord, I've been doing this on my own. I have
14:40
tried to do it the way I think I should do it. I've tried to do
14:44
it by myself. And I need help. What do I do? Where do I go help
14:48
me. And if you will do that, and he will he will guide you and
14:52
he'll provide the resources he'll provide the people okay.
14:56
So I wanted to share that first. And we'll go collectively take a
15:00
deep breath. Because if you can tell I'm a little bit pumped up
15:03
this evening, this evening, it's actually almost eight o'clock pm
15:07
here and just man, this stuff just came to me this afternoon.
15:10
I was like, Okay, I gotta talk about this, because there's so
15:13
much pressure with the new year, there's so many of these things
15:15
that we think we have to be. And I'm just telling, you should be
15:18
listening to this. If you listen to it, the morning that drops it
15:20
is January 5. And if it's somewhere later in the week, it
15:23
still applies to you take a deep breath. You don't have to be
15:28
this new version or make these decisions yet, even if it's
15:32
February. It's okay. All right. So can I share a letter that I
15:35
wrote? Okay, thank you. I hope some of you actually just nodded
15:41
your head, right. So I'm just going to read it because it
15:46
explains everything that I need to share with you, and you'll
15:50
get where I'm coming from. So this is something that I wrote.
15:55
She answered, I'm happy you're back. I had the opportunity to
16:00
be near the place where I grew up recently, I just wanted to
16:04
see what my old house looked like. And if there were any
16:07
changes in the area, I was coming from a place of curiosity
16:11
and openness as I was driving down river road towards the
16:14
neighborhood. My first notice was how short the journey was. I
16:19
remember that road being longer when I was a little girl. And as
16:23
I turned on to Woodson road, I saw a lot of familiar homes
16:27
across the road that had been there for many years. I'm
16:31
guessing my neighbors are long gone by now, because they were
16:34
older when I was a younger child. Our house was the first
16:37
house on the ride as you entered. So I slowed down to
16:41
take a look. It was so sweet and simple. And it seems so much
16:46
closer to the road than I remember. So much smaller than I
16:49
remember. But such a sweet little house that my parents
16:53
worked very hard to build. There used to be a swing on the front
16:57
porch, where my dad and I would hang out together and he taught
17:00
me how to whistle. It was no longer there. My mom and I would
17:04
spend time around the edges of the house planting flowers and
17:07
plucking up weeds. out back. There were many years that we
17:12
had a garden. As a little girl, I didn't really enjoy the work.
17:15
But it's really cool that I got to experience a little bit of
17:18
growing a garden. The neighbors that were right beside us still
17:22
had homes there, everything just looked a little different and a
17:26
little older. As I continue to drive. I remember walking down
17:30
this road with my dad and having many conversations and talks
17:34
about laugh. At any time I was in trouble at school, I would
17:39
slip a note from the teacher in my pocket and utilize the
17:42
sweetness of My dad on these walks to sign it without telling
17:45
my mom. What was all Woods full of pantries so far and so thick
17:53
that you couldn't see through now was full of houses in a
17:56
beautiful neighborhood. I continued to the end of the
17:59
street to see the lake where I spent many hours squishing
18:03
worms, fishing with my dad and getting dirt under my
18:06
fingernails. That too seemed way smaller than I remember as a
18:10
little girl. I can see all the way around the lake from the
18:14
window of my car. I didn't remember this lake being so
18:18
small. As I turned the corner, I felt the tears begin to come to
18:22
my eyes. I noticed with curiosity because I knew that it
18:26
wasn't my current current self that had those tears. I felt
18:31
calm and neutral. at that particular moment. I took the
18:35
cold a sack and headed back up to the road to slow down for one
18:38
more look at my sweet childhood home. As I was looking, I felt
18:43
more tears come up. I also felt this tightness in my chest. It
18:47
didn't feel like fear or anxiety or pain. It felt more like a
18:52
gentle squeeze or a hug right around my heart area. In
18:56
reaction, I immediately turn on the radio to distract myself
18:59
from the tears. In the next moment, I was turning it back
19:04
off because this version of me doesn't do that anymore. She
19:10
doesn't distract. She doesn't cope. As she doesn't ignore. She
19:14
explores she is open, and she wants to see what she needs to
19:19
see or hear and is open to learning at this moment. It felt
19:24
like the little girl inside of me was around the age of seven
19:28
and that she had something to say. So I emerged onto the
19:30
highway and headed back home where I currently live. I simply
19:34
asked her is there something that you want to tell me? And in
19:38
a gentle whisper she said I'm happy you're back. At that
19:43
moment, the tears flooded down my face. And I shared with her
19:48
that I'm happy I'm back as well. We drove we cried. We rejoiced.
19:56
April Michelle has been on a journey of unbecoming All the
20:01
things that people said she was the things she believed about
20:07
herself that weren't true. The ways that she hid behind control
20:12
people pleasing, avoiding, over helping, and all the many
20:17
patterns that kept her safe, or at least she thought that they
20:21
kept her safe in the moment. I began this journey over five
20:25
years ago, and I will continue the rest of my life. I always
20:29
thought the self improvement was more about being the better
20:32
version of you. And now I know where that is partly true. What
20:37
is most true, is the journey is on becoming. And getting back to
20:43
the original you, the you that God designed in intimate detail,
20:48
the you that was created full of love, joy and peace, the you
20:52
that was made exactly how you were designed to be made. I
20:57
reminded her in that moment that she is strong, she is brave. She
21:00
is beautiful. She loves adventure. She is funny, she is
21:04
creative, and she is love. This path looks very different for
21:09
each of us. It's not linear. It's not a clear roadmap. And
21:13
it's not something you can really see in advance. It's
21:16
about coming back home to yourself. It's about grace. It's
21:21
about wrist. It's about saying yes to yourself and the
21:25
experience. It's about love and knowing that you are loved and
21:29
that you are created by love. I will never forget this day, I'll
21:34
never forget this moment. I am so grateful for my willingness
21:39
to do the really hard stuff, to let my guard down and my walls
21:43
down to fill all the emotions and allow the healing to take
21:47
place. I'm thankful for some really amazing people that have
21:51
stood by me held my hand shone the light and supported me on
21:55
the way. I am so blessed and so honored as I sit here as the
21:59
woman I am today. I look forward to seeing who April Michelle is
22:04
going to be in five years and in 10 years, the journey will
22:08
continue. Little Michelle. I'm glad I'm back to sweet girl.
22:16
That is the journey ladies. And if you noticed, I'm not done.
22:23
I'm continuing for the rest of my days. But I would love for
22:28
you to go back and listen. And listen again. And I want you to
22:35
put yourself in those shoes. And I want you to ask yourself what
22:43
do I need to become? And how am I willing to move forward? Am I
22:49
willing to fill it am I willing to do the hard stuff Am I
22:52
willing to to let go of the lies and I want you to sit for a
22:58
moment if you can find some quiet space after listening this
23:01
letter, I bet you if you can find some space, your little
23:05
girl will perk up. Because I believe intuitively she's ready
23:11
because of this experience that we're having together right now.
23:15
So just check in. See how she's doing. Let her know that she's
23:20
loved. And let her know that she's continued to be loved and
23:25
that you're here and that you're ready to to and become unlocked
23:30
the last and become set free. For any of you that want to
23:36
share how this experience was for you today, please email me
23:40
at coach Michelle porterfield@gmail.com. And as
23:44
always, I'm here to support you when you're ready. Until next
23:47
time, stay blessed. Okay, girlfriend before you go. If you
23:51
found value in this podcast, and it helps you please head over to
23:55
iTunes and leave a review. This is what helps the show grow and
23:59
helps more women to get their hands on the support. So they
24:03
can choose to reduce their drinking or quit altogether like
24:06
I did. Go join the community and say hi over on Facebook by
24:11
searching that free sisterhood. I will also put the link in the
24:14
show notes. You can also connect with me for a one on one
24:18
discovery call. I'd coach Michelle porterfield@gmail.com.
24:22
And I want to ask how do you want to feel in the next six
24:26
months? Who are you becoming? Are you ready to grow? I see you
24:31
and I've got you until next time. Stay blessed