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MONEY DIARIES: Moving to Thailand and living your best life · She's On The Money

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: She's on the Money.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: She's on the Money.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Tony Lodge,
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: and joining me for another shotback money Diary is miss
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: Victoria Define.
• 0:34
  Speaker 4: Hello, how are you?
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I am so good?
• 0:38
  Speaker 4: I'm so ready for this.
• 0:39
  Speaker 5: You've gotten me out of bed early because we've got
• 0:41
  Speaker 5: someone from Thailand joining us for our money diary.
• 0:46
  Speaker 4: But that's all I know.
• 0:47
  Speaker 5: So do you want to take it away and get
• 0:49
  Speaker 5: straight into it and read out this week's money drest female?
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: All right, here we go.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: I was married at twenty five to a guy eight
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: years older than me. We had a house by the beach,
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: owned two nice cars, a boat, and a business, and
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: seemingly happy. I've gone from separating from him and walking
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: away with less than ten thousand dollars New Zealand to
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: moving to Thailand and living my best life. It's been
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: a rollercoaster of a few years. But I couldn't be happier,
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  Speaker 3: and I don't have the assets to prove that I
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: am successful.
• 1:18
  Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, what.
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: A tracy but powerful money diary.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: It tree I know, and we've got her on the line.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: All the way from sunny Thailand. Is it sunny in
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: Thailand at the moment.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: No, it's a little bit overpass today. You could have.
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: Played along with us money.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: Give us that living vicariously through you in dreary Melbourne
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: in lockdown at the moment.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: You're in lockdown as well. But at least maybe you're
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: in the sun. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, well there is, Yeah,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: there's some sun sometimes. And it's also thirty degrees, so
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: I really can't complain.
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, it's so cold here.
• 1:57
  Speaker 5: I'm like all rugged up and I've turned the heater
• 1:59
  Speaker 5: on and have a heat pack. My house is probably
• 2:02
  Speaker 5: also thirty degrees, but not naturally.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: But not because it's nice and human, because.
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: We have central heating.
• 2:10
  Speaker 5: All right, So let's get straight into the questions because
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: I'm so excited to hear about your story. First things first,
• 2:17
  Speaker 5: what is your attitude towards money?
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  Speaker 1: So I feel like I have a little bit of
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: an up and down relationship with money. Sometimes I can
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: be living sort of paycheck to paycheck, and then other
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: times there seems to be so much surplus, and I'm like,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: why is there no consistency? So yeah, I feel like
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I have a bit of an all or nothing personality.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: It's like, when I really put my mind to it,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I can save, save, save, and have a really good
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: view around money. But then other times it's spend, spend, spend.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: That's very honest. Yeah, I just feel like I have
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: that personality with everything in my life, all or nothing.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: So if I really commit myself to something, I've got
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: the motivation to stick to it. So yeah, that sort
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: of filters into my attitude around money.
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: But yeah, wow, I literally love hearing that. So next question,
• 3:16
  Speaker 5: what do you do for work and how much money
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: do you earn?
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: So, yes, I am living in Thailand, but not for
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: any scandalous reason. You might think. I am a teacher,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: and so I have a Grade five class which are
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: about ten year olds, and I'm also the head of
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: department for literacy in the elementary So a little bit
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: of responsibility, which is Cool's fancy Tony try to be.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: And then I earn about a give or take because
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I earn in Thai bart so I'm always having to
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: convert to New Zealand dollars and depends on when I
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: send it home to New Zealand how much I'm actually
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: getting it's about five dollars a month, so my salary
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: is about sixty thousand for the year.
• 4:04
  Speaker 5: And is that when you convert it to I guess
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  Speaker 5: Thai bart does that give you a really comfortable lifestyle
• 4:11
  Speaker 5: over there? Like, what's the lifestyle difference? I know that
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: I'm going sidetrack on this, but we're talking about money,
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: so it's a good question, though, what's the difference in that,
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: I guess living living conditions.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so in New Zealand, I probably would have been
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: paid a little bit more, but living in Thailand is
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: a lot cheaper, so it actually feels like I'm getting
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: paid more. Some things like going to the supermarket and
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: buying Western type foods is more expensive because I'm not
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: buying Thai food, so but I choose to buy things
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: from the supermarket, and so I'm choosing to spend more.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: But things like living is cheaper, and like water, I
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: paid like two dollars a month for water. Wow, It's
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: ridiculous how cheap that is. Electricity is really cheap as well,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: probably like fifty dollars a month. And I've got my
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: earcorn on all the time, like the aircon never goes off.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: So yeah, it definitely is less money than what I
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: would be earning in New Zealand, but living for a
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: lot cheaper.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
• 5:22
  Speaker 5: I love hearing comparisons. I'm always like, well, what does
• 5:25
  Speaker 5: that cost you? And how does that work? And what
• 5:27
  Speaker 5: are being two dollars? Oh my gosh. We got our
• 5:30
  Speaker 5: rates knowing this recently and I can tell you it
• 5:32
  Speaker 5: was not even close.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: To two dollars.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: So is that this might be jumping ahead a little bit.
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: But does that include do you put money into your
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: souperranu or your Kiwi saver as well or no?
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I do like once a year. So I got a
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: friendly email a few months ago saying if you want
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: to have the government contribute a portion for this, you
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: just need to put them the minimum amount. And I
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: think it was about one thousand dollars, so I had
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: that money in my savings I thought might as well,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: and then the government contributed some as well. But other
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: than that, I'm not putting any money in that account
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: at the moment and it's just ticking away building up
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: over time, which is quite nice.
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah cool, yeah, awesome? All right, next question, what is
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: your big money goal?
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Well, I really need to build my savings back up
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: because they have dwindled away recently. I was fortunate enough, well,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: I was fortunate enough to be able to get home
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: to New Zealand for a holiday for the last I
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: had seven weeks in New Zealand, so it was amazing
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: to see friends and family. But I had to pay
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: for quarantine on both ends, so three thousand dollars in
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: New Zealand two thousand in Thailand. Flights were twice the
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: price of what they would normally be were about five
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars altogether, so there was ten thousand dollars of
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: my savings gone ready. Yeah, and then I also just
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: spent a ridiculous amount in New Zealand. New Zealand is expensive,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I've forgotten.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: But it's nice that you got to get home and
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: like pampy yourself a little bit, see your friends and family,
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Like there's nothing better than I assume you've been in
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: Thailand for quite some time now, so it was probably
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: such a nice relief to actually be able to get
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: home because so many people can't at the moment.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely, yeah, it was worth it. I feel like I
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: would spend that money again just to be able to
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: see them, because I've been here for two years and
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: hadn't been able to get home yet. So and this
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: is my first time overseas, first time sort of away
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: from family for that long. Yeah, so well, I may
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: and I've been overseas traveling, but never lived overseas. To
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: go two years, it was a little bit of a
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: shock to the system.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, wow, all right, all right, next question, do you
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  Speaker 5: have any investments?
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Well, I've got my Kiwi Saver, yes, but other than that, no,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I'm a reasonably a newbe to listening to the podcast,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: and so when I started listening, I was like, oh,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I better get into some investing, And I did a
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: bit of Google, a little bit of a research, and
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: I just kind of felt like now wasn't the right
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  Speaker 1: time for me to be doing it while living in Thailand,
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  Speaker 1: especially with not having my savings as stable as I
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: would like it to be, and I was spending money
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: more on traveling around Thailand, and yeah, just didn't feel
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: like it was the right time. But I'm quite determined
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: when I get home to New Zealand to look into cheersas.
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: And yeah as we loves.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and just get the ball rolling that way. But yeah,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: at the moment, no.
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: I love that you know what you want though. I
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: think that that's the most important thing for me, and
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: understanding your situation and what's going on with you, and
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: you having the education to know what you want, but
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: also knowing you've got access to it, because so many
• 9:12
  Speaker 5: people are like, oh my gosh, I feel left out
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: or behind because I'm not investing, and it's like, well,
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: that might not actually be the right thing for you
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: at this point in time, Like the right thing for
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: you might actually be spending it on tremble and that's fine.
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  Speaker 4: But I just want to.
• 9:25
  Speaker 5: Educate you, guys, so that you actually understand that there
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: are options and if it's an option that you want
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: to take up right now, fantastic.
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: If you've got other priorities, good.
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: That's why we always say spend in line with your values,
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: not the values that I hold.
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  Speaker 4: So I think that that that's awesome. I love hearing that.
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  Speaker 4: Next question, do you currently have any debts?
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: No, I don't, which was very exciting. I paid them
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: all off before I moved to time. Oh, that's awesome.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: It was the most satisfying feeling. Being able to leave
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: the country with no debt like with felt really good.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: So I had my I had my student loan, and
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: I had when I moved into my new apartment, I
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: had bought some nice furniture, so I was just sort
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: of paying that off fortnightly. And when I decided to
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: move to Thailand, I was selling my car, so I
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: got I think it was about ten thousand dollars from
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: that and so I decided to use that money to
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: pay off my debts. And he also, the guy that
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: brought the car from me, put money into my account
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: but also gave me some cash, and so my cash
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: I went shopping with and the money that was in
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: my account paid off my debts. So oh that's awesome.
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: So good. Oh that makes me so happy that you
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: left the country with no debt, especially knowing what you've
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: been through, which I'll ask more questions about in a minute.
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: My name's question is do you use shot back?
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: No, I don't, and I didn't know if I could
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: do if I could access it in Thailand. Is it
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: something that I.
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: Can well at money?
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: Diarist Tony told me that you were in Thailand, So
• 11:09
  Speaker 5: before this episode, I did a little bit of research,
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: and it turns out I can't guarantee what it says
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: because I can't read Thai, but there is a Thai
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: version of the shop back website, which means you probably
• 11:21
  Speaker 5: could access it if.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: You want to do cool well, I'll have to learn
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Thai first and then I'll give it a gu It
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: sounds like an international money win to me.
• 11:31
  Speaker 4: International money win.
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: Let's go with that and seguey straight into asking you
• 11:36
  Speaker 5: what your best money habit is.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: So I'm really I'm quite good at setting myself up
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: with a budget and sticking to it. Mostly I like
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: to be really organized and planned. So I have a
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: budget that I've used for years, and I've set it
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: up for in Thailand with my Thai bart that I'm earning,
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: and so I've trapped it quite consistently for a while.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: But there's just some months that I don't stick to
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: the what I've assigned myself for that month. So I'm
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: really good at planning, and that's probably my best money habit,
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: but also could be my worst money habits I don't
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: necessarily stick to it every month.
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: Is that officially your worst money habit?
• 12:19
  Speaker 5: Because I'm a bound to ask you what your worst
• 12:22
  Speaker 5: money habit is, y.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: Is officially my worst money habit. Like I said, with
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: the all or nothing personality. It's like I can go
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: for ages sticking to my budget and going really hard
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: with it and then kind of just fall off the
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: wagon and everything else falls off. So yeah, something I'm
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: trying to find a bit more of a middle ground too,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: so that there's not some months where I save lots
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: of money and then other months where I spend heaps
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: of money. There needs to be more of a balance.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's a good place to mention one
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: of Victoria's favorite things to say, which is, you know,
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: like the same way that with a really strict diet,
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: if you're really really hard.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: On yourself, then you are bound to binge, you know.
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: So maybe it's a matter of being a bit easier
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: on yourself during those months where you go like super hard,
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: and then you won't you know, fall off the wagon
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: as badly when you get to that point.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, I lovely.
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: I don't even have to turn up to my own podcast.
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: Everybody else just does it for me.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: So I'm sorry, do you want.
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: To say you're absolutely not?
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: Like, in fact, I'm just like educating you guys so
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: well that you don't even need me, And that is
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: the sign of a good business. Right, you've made yourself redundant. Alright,
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: last question is what grade would you give your money habits?
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: If we forced you to give yourself a grade.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: I feel like I would probably be sitting at a
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: C plus or a bus like. I don't feel like
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: I'm doing great with my money at the moment because
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: my savings don't reflect where I want to be. I
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: don't feel like I'm failing because I have lots of
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: listens I've learned, and I've got lots of good habit,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: but I don't feel like, I mean, my savings are
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: next to zero at the moment because I just spent
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: so much in New Zealand. So once they start building
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: back up and I'm in a bit more of a
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: flow and I've got a bit of a better budget happening,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: I'll raise that grade then.
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: But yeah, all right, Well, I have a lot of
• 14:18
  Speaker 5: questions that I would like to ask you, but we're
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: going to go to a quick break and I'll dive
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: straight into them after that. So diving straight back in
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: money Diarist, you live in Thailand, but growing up I'm
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: assuming you were based in New Zealand and then you
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: got married and you bought cars and boats in houses,
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: and lived the quote story book life. How did all
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: of that change? And how did you end up in Thailand?
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: This is a big story.
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: So I'm ready, I'm ready.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess my I did live the standard New
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Zealand and life growing up. My parents separated when I
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: was fourteen, so that was kind of the first hurdle.
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: But then I met my ex partner when I was twenty.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: We were working together. We were both teachers. Teachers often
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: seemed to meet and get together.
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: We heard that on Our Police Officer episode two.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: So he was my first serious partner and I kind
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: of just went into it really quickly. We moved in
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: together quite fast, and as I mentioned in the in
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: the email, he was eight years older than me, so
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: he already had his life set up. He had the
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: boat in the car, and he had already purchased a house.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: He was running a holiday program business. And I was like,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: this is great. You know, I don't have to do
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: anything or spend any money to already have these things.
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: And I kind of wore into this life. And I
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: obviously loved him too, so we oh, yeah that too.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: Obviously I didn't just go through all of.
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: Us without me a man, great financial plan.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Easy, So yeah, we traveling was always something I wanted
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: to do, and we compromised on He didn't want to
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: travel or live overseas, I should say he didn't want
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: to live overseas, but I wanted to travel. So we
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: went for nine months, which was amazing. We had nine
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: incredible months traveling around Europe, and we actually came to
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Thailand for a little bit and Bali and so that
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: was really amazing. And while we were it is huge. Yeah,
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: we were really lucky because we had someone renting the
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: house at home, so that was kind of looked after itself,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: and the holiday program business was still running. We were
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: doing admin while we were overseas, so that was giving
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: us a bit of an which was and then when
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: we were overseas, he proposed to me and it was
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: all very magical, Yeah, which I was kind of like
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: deep down expecting, like people had sort of whispered in
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: my ear, it's going to happen while you're overseas, and
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: so I thought, right, then it's going to happen.
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: It's boiling at God, Yeah, I know, so rude.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: And so yeah, it was all really lovely. We came home,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: we moved seties and we were set up by the beach,
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: and this is where we bought a new house, right
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: by the beach. And I was just kind of going
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: through the motions, I guess, because it was like, all right,
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: we're god engaged, We've got this house, we will be
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: getting married. And I think I had some doubts start
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: to creep in, but I kind of pushed them away
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: because you know, I thought, well, they're just nerves, you know.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a big commitment. Everyone goes through this.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've never done this before, so this must be
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: what it feels like. And so we got married and
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: I was really happy. We had the most wonderful wedding
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: day and had all our friends and family there. But
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: it was just after the wedding and I guess we
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: were probably starting to talk about having children, and that's
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: when I thought of I realized, Yeah, I guess so.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: And I feel quite nervous talking about this because I
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: haven't really shared this on such a public platform. But
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: I actually cheated on my husband ex husband. And it's
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: the biggest lesson I'll ever learn in my life. It's
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: not something I'm proud of, and I have held a
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: lot of shame and guilt around it. I feel like
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: I'm letting that go now and I'm able to move forward.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: But definitely don't condone my behavior, but I can see
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: how it happened. I was just not I didn't want
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: to be in the marriage, and I didn't see an
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: easy way out of it, so I took a terrible
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: way out, I guess. So we tried to make it
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: work for sort of two or three months, and I
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: could just see it wasn't going to happen, and I
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: also knew deep down that I didn't want to see
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: it continue working.
• 19:19
  Speaker 5: So I'm way of kind of, you know, finding your
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: way out of that relationship. From a psychology perspective, that's
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: actually really common. I mean, yeah, right, Like we don't
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: condone that, but it's actually a way of people going
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: everything's perfect. I feel like I have to break it
• 19:37
  Speaker 5: so I can leave because you don't want to be there,
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: and you know, it's an awful situation to be in,
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: and I'm sure people in that situation do har a
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: guilt like you are, but you know, it is actually
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: more common than you think, and it's kind of like
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: you trying to be a rebel.
• 19:53
  Speaker 4: In a way.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I can definitely see and understand that now,
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: And at the time, I was just like, why did
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: I do this? Like I wrecked this beautiful life that
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: I had, But I'm thankful that the path has led
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: me to where I am. So yeah, I moved out
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: of my lovely beach house and I moved in with
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: my mum. At the time was really really lucky because
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: she had just moved to the same city as me,
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: so so I'm perfect timing. I moved in with her,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: and then probably about six six weeks after that, decided, Nope,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: can't live with my parents. You're like, no, no, no,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: You're like thanks, but no, thanks marm So she gave
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: me the six weeks I needed to kind of like
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: rest and my recover. Actually, yeah, I got really sick
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: during that time, and I was so run down just
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: from the months of streas of the crying and the
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: arguing and all of that leading up to us actually separating.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: So I moved into a house with another flatmate, and
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: then my ex and I had to start deciding how
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: we were going to split up assets and things. And
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: also while all of this was happening, I had friends
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: come back from overseas and said that they were teaching
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: overseas and that they think I would love it and
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I should look into it. So I jumped on the website,
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: I filled out my profile, and I started looking for
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: jobs overseas and I thought, this is crazy but exciting
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: all at the same time. And so that was about
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: January that I was starting to look for jobs, but
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I didn't get anything, and by March April, I was
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: sort of resigned to the fact I was staying in
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: New Zealand and no one sort of gets jobs that
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: late in the year because school starts in August, and
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: so I thought, okay, well this is done. And then
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: in May I saw a job for Thailand and I thought, oh,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: let's apply for it. I've been to Thailand before, I
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: know that I like it there. This could be a
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: fun little adventure. And sure enough I got the job.
• 22:05
  Speaker 6: So within wild what a huge risk for you to take, Like, yeah,
• 22:11
  Speaker 6: that's massive.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: There's not a lot of people that could comfortably go
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: you know what. I don't really speak the language, but
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: I've been there once and it was fine. I loved it.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: But I think I needed that risk and I needed
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: to do something drastic. So within two months I was
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: definitely tecking out, leaving New Zealand and getting to Thailand. Gosh.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: During all of that happening, I was working with my
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: ex to try and sort out our stuff. And so,
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: because I was still holding a lot of shame and
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: guilt around what happened, he didn't make me feel bad
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: for it, but I guess I did feel bad. And
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: so I said to him, because he was still keeping
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: our house, I said, look, I know you can't pay
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: me out at the moment, so let's just do Let's
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: just do minimal. I will take what I contributed with
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: my Keiwi saver and say a little bit more. And
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: so that was about ten thousand dollars. And when I
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: went to the lawyers and she said, you know, you
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: have a right to have about one hundred and fifty
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: one thousand dollars out of this because of how much
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: your house house has grown and appreciated over the time
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: that you've had it. Are you sure that ten thousand
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: is all you want to take? And I said, yeah, look,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: that's all. That's all. I feel like I'm owed because
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: I just felt so guilty about the whole situation, and
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: so he had said to me, you can take anything
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: that you want in house. I didn't really have anything
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: that I could take with me. I didn't have the
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: space to take things, so I took some kitchen stuff,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: loaded up my car, and that was about all I
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: took from the whole situation. And I also was mindful
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: that he had a house before I came into the relationship,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: and we didn't sign anything. There was no pre agreement
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: to say that he would keep the house if we
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: were to separate. But I just had that at the
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: back of my mind that I didn't earn any of
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: that he already had that beforehand. So the lawyer wasn't
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: happy with me because she knew I was being cheated
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: out of a lot of money, but I knew in
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: my heart that I just I couldn't take any more
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: than that, so ten thousand dollars.
• 24:24
  Speaker 5: So I just feel like it's different situations for different people,
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: and that at that time worked for you, and I
• 24:31
  Speaker 5: actually really respect that, Like I really really respect that
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: you were.
• 24:35
  Speaker 4: Like, no, this is what feels right for me. And
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: even though you had a lawyer saying no, I can
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: get you more money, we can argue this.
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: You're like no, actually, like for me and my mental
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: health and my sanity and the stuff we've been through together, Like,
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: I don't want that. And you know, that's a really
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: big decision.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Is that a decision that you regret sometimes? Yes, especially
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: because so after I'd spending money on the lawyers as well.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I probably ended up with about six and a half
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: seven thousand, which didn't even cover what I contributed for
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: my Keywi Saver. But I sometimes regret it because during
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: no it was about three or four months after that,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: I went did a bit of stalking on Facebook and
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: had a look at his profile to just see what's
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: been happening, and I found out that he actually was
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: preparing the house to sell and so would have had
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: more than enough money to pay me out how much
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: the house it appreciated during that time. So I was disappointed.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: And I don't regret the decision because I made the
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: decision at the time for what I needed to but
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: I just wish I had that knowledge that actually he
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: was kind of behind my back trying to sell the
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: house and wanted to just take the profit for himself,
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: which I understand, but yeah, a little bit disappointing, I guess.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Joining Yeah, did you find it hard?
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: So obviously, you guys got together when you were twenty
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: a man, like really pivotal years for when you kind
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: of discovering yourself and learning.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: How you are with money and all.
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: Of those things. And did you find then that it
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: was hard when you were on your own, You're like,
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh, all of a sudden, I'm in control
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: of my entire financial life and my own personal life
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: as well. Did you find it hard to deal with
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: money by yourself after that?
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: I actually didn't. I had quite a different experience, So
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I was always pretty good with my money. And then
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: when I met this guy, we joined bank accounts quite
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: early on, and I guess he kind of taught me
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: the ropes. Like I was seeing what was happening with
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: the business and the money coming in, and I was
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: seeing the bills being paid, and sometimes I would do
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: it sometimes so you would do it. It was quite
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: a shared approach, and it was me that created the
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: budget for us, and we went through that every fortnight.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: Once we've been paid, we went back and look and
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: filled in our budget, and yeah, it was quite all.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: That's really cool. Yeah, So when I did, when I
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: did have control of my own finances. I already knew
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: what I wanted to do with them, and it was
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: actually quite an exhilarating feeling. I was like, Oh, this
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: money is actually just mine. Now I don't have to
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: worry about paying the whatever bill and I can spend
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: it on what I want and not have to check
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: with someone else.
• 27:37
  Speaker 4: Like you've got complete freedom.
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: Nobody has to know about this, like it's not anybody
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: else's decision.
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: It's really empowering dowing your own finances.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it really was so yeah, And it was
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: also very empowering when I did have my own money
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: to then be able to pay off my own debts
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: and also leave New Zealand knowing that I had finalized
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: all the deals with my ex husband and we've sorted
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: out that situation and I've paid everything I need to,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: and I just I left New Zealand with everything that
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: I needed. So it was quite nice and it finished well,
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I guess.
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, wow.
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: I just I feel like that was a journey that
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: we just got to go on with you with and
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: down saying, oh my gosh, what a story to share.
• 28:23
  Speaker 4: Thank you.
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: I feel like it's such a special space where you're like, Okay, cool, like,
• 28:28
  Speaker 5: I haven't really told people this, but I'm going to tell.
• 28:30
  Speaker 4: You, guys, and I'm really grateful for that.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Thank you, no worries. It's nice to share this, and
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: it also helps me with healing and moving forward as well,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: because the more I talk about it, the more perspectives
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: I get on it, and I can just not justify
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: it because I don't justify my actions, but understand why
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: some things might have happened and how I've got to
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: be being in Thailand, and I love living in Thailand.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: I love the life here. Unfortunately with lockdown, it's not
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: as great as I would like it to be at
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: the moment. Wow, But I have learned a lot about
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: myself and like I might have messed out on some
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: of my twinties actually getting to know who I was
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: and exploring, but I'm.
• 29:15
  Speaker 6: Doing that now and so that feels really nice. To
• 29:19
  Speaker 6: the twenties, my friend, And it's never too late to.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: Learn who you are, like you just never ever have
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: gone past the point where it's possible. And I really
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: hope people listen to this and feel inspired to take
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: that plunge. I know that right now with COVID moving overseas,
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: might be the plunge you can take, but you know
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: that there's just it's never too late to take a chance.
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: And that's just super inspirational. I hope people feel that
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: the same way that I do.
• 29:45
  Speaker 5: After listening, Oh my gosh, I love it and like,
• 29:48
  Speaker 5: that's such a journey and you sound like such a
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: special person. And I think that it's one of those
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: things where no judgment from our side of the table,
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: Like we all go through situations that we might not
• 29:58
  Speaker 5: have wanted to be in, and I think that it's
• 30:00
  Speaker 5: one of those things that I just want to know
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: that you've grown as a person. I just want to
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: know that I can support you through that and be
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: part of the journey, and that it's not some kind
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: of recurrent thing that you're like, okay, cool, like this
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: is just who I am, Like it's not. It was
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: like your way of dealing with the situation and that's okay.
• 30:18
  Speaker 5: And yeah, I just think that some people are going
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: to listen to this and be like, oh my gosh,
• 30:22
  Speaker 5: that was me and that's actually okay, I went through that.
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: I just need to learn who I am and go
• 30:27
  Speaker 5: through this. I mean, maybe they don't need to be
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: as dramatic as you were and literally leave the country.
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: But I think it's definitely about learning who we are.
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: So thank you. Oh my gosh, what a story.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for letting me share on your platform.
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: Oh so grateful for it. But sadly I do think
• 30:46
  Speaker 5: that that is all we have time for today. So
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: just before we head off, we'd like to acknowledge and
• 30:51
  Speaker 5: pay respect to Australia's Aboriginal and torrest Rate islander peoples.
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: They're the traditional custodians at the lands, the waterways and
• 30:59
  Speaker 5: the skies all across Australia. We thank you for sharing
• 31:02
  Speaker 5: and for caring for the land on which we are
• 31:04
  Speaker 5: able to learn. We pay respects to elders past and present,
• 31:08
  Speaker 5: and we share our friendship and our kindness.
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: The advice shared on She's on the Money is generally
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's on
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: be relied upon to make an investment or any financial decision.
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: And we promise that Victoria Divine is an authorized representative
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: of Australia Pacific Funds Management Proprietary Limited ABN three four
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: one three two four six three two five seven, AFSL
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: three three nine one five one.
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: See you next week. Guy fine.