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Discovering Your Purpose · Gay Men Going Deeper

• 0:02
  Speaker A: Hello everyone and welcome to Gay Men Going Deeper. This is a podcast by the Gay Men's Brotherhood where we talk about personal development, mental health and sexuality. We are your hosts. My name is Michael Diorio. I am a life and wellness coach specializing in sexuality, relationships and self confidence. We also have Matt Lanle. He is an intuitive life and spiritual coach and counselor focusing on healing and empowerment. And we have Reno Johnston, who is a spiritual life, love and business coach. We each have our own coaching practices, but in this podcast we're sharing all of our best stuff. And today we are talking about discovering your purpose. So I want to start off by saying that I think every human being on this planet, including you, viewer, listener, has a unique purpose. That's something you and only you can bring into this world. So if you clicked on this episode because you have an inkling that maybe there's something within you that matters to you, then I believe it is absolutely your responsibility to listen to that. And our goal here today is to inspire you to move towards it. So the questions we'll be unpacking today are how did you discover your purpose? What gives your life meaning? And what kind of impact do you want to make? Now, if you like these questions and you want to answer them yourself, you're welcome to join us on the last Thursday of the month in the Gaiman's Brotherhood Zoom Hangout. This is where we give you guys, our viewers and listeners, a chance to share your own thoughts on the topics we discuss here. So to join us, go to the private Game as Brotherhood Facebook Group and check out the Events tab to rsvp. Also, if you are on our mailing list, we will email you a link to the Zooms the day before and that link will be in the Show Notes Reminder that this podcast and YouTube channel are listener and viewer supported. So if you're enjoying what we're, what we're creating here, then we ask you to support us by making a donation in the Show Notes. By using the link there, you could also subscribe to get early access to episodes on Apple Podcasts. All of your support helps us to continue making amazing content and supporting the community. We thank you so much in advance. And finally, if you want to accelerate your personal development journey, please check out our coaching collection. It includes two amazing courses, Healing your shame and Building better Relationships. Plus it includes over 45 premium personal development coaching videos on topics such as body positivity, relationships, self confidence and community. And you can head over to gaymengoingdeeper.com for more info. All right, let's get into it, boys. So this month in the gay men's brotherhood, the theme is finding your purpose. So that's the month theme. Today's episode is called finding your purpose, but we're also going to be covering in future episodes topics like work, work, life, balance and money. So stay tuned for those coming up this month. As I was thinking about this topic, finding your purpose, the question I asked myself was, what's the difference between passion and purpose? I use these two words interchangeably, but as I started digging into it, I'm like, no, they're related, but they're not quite the same. So that's why I want to start us off today. I want to clearly define what purpose is for this episode and how that's a bit different from passion. Okay, so here's what I have come up with. Passion refers to an intense enthusiasm or desire. It's what excites you. It's what brings you joy and fulfillment. Maybe it's an activity, an interest or a hobby that just makes you feel alive and engaged with the world around you. Your passions, there can be many of them and they can change over time as you grow and experience new things. They can come and they can go. Passion is experienced in the present moment as like a sense of happiness and satisfaction. Purpose can include things that you are passionate about, but what makes it different is that purpose can gives you a broader sense of direction or meaning in your life. It's a little bit deeper. It's tied to your deeper core values and beliefs and it's really about the impact you want to have on the world and the people around you. Your purpose can influence your long term goals in your career, in your life and otherwise. And it's not necessarily about a specific activity or interest, but it could be. And it's really more about the contribution you want to make into the world. So in summary, passion is about what you love to do and brings you joy in the present moment. Purpose is about the larger impact you want to have on a broader scale. Your passion can absolutely align with your purpose, but they're not necessarily the same. And your passion can also lead to your purpose. What helped me with this, and I encourage you guys to check this out, is the Japanese concept of ikigai I k I g a ikigai, which means your reason for being and how they define it broadly is it's the combination or the middle ground between what you love to do. So your passion, what you're good at, what the world needs and what you can get. Paid for.
• 5:08
  Speaker B: Cool.
• 5:08
  Speaker A: So that middle ground there is, is what the ikigai is. And that's what I would consider purpose. So let me give you an example in my own life for what I do just to, to illustrate this. Right? So I love personal development and creating content. I absolutely love it. I can do it all day long. I can consume this stuff. I can create. It's fine. It's something that I'm really passionate about. Not necessarily something I'm good at or that the world needs or can get paid for. But I. But I do love that stuff. Now what I'm good at is breaking down super concept subjects into really simple, concise, bite size, less size for people to learn. I'm good at teaching.
• 5:45
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 5:46
  Speaker A: So that's what I'm good at. What the world needs, this is the third concept for the guy with world needs is people developing these fundamental life skills such as self awareness, communication and emotional intelligence. I firmly believe the world needs this. And then finally the last bit is what I can get paid for. And I can get paid for. And I do get paid for coaching, one on one coaching and group coaching. So the combination of all these four things would be what the Japanese would consider my ikigai. So that's just an example. Again, there's a lot of content on this. I definitely recommend you guys go check, check this out because it's really cool and I just kind of discovered it a few weeks ago. Yeah. So let's get into this. I'm curious to know what your ikigais and your purposes are, boys. So the first question today is how did you discover your purpose? And I mean it's implied, but I also want to hear what is your purpose? But I'm really curious about the journey to that purpose. I think that's always an interesting journey to find out how we reached where we got to. And also keeping in mind that we're not, we're not at the end of it. Right? So that it is a continued journey. So why don't we start off with Reno today?
• 6:52
  Speaker C: No, you would. You killed that intro, by the way. Thank you so much. That was beautiful. Yeah, as usual. So it's interesting because normally when, when we have these conversations, I, I actually don't come in with any notes. And like today I had kind of spent some time developing some ideas. But what, what I would say about purpose for me is that I have this kind of like unusual idea of it that came to me, I think probably like post spiritual awakening. And that was that I'm always Living my purpose, you know, my purpose, like in. In every single moment, I am actively engaged in my purpose. And there's a. Like, I've. I've done things like, you know, lemonade stands, car washes, retreats, speaking, television, men's groups, you know, I. Washing dishes, taking naps, long walks, dancing on tables, you know, at bars. Like, those things were all my purpose, you know, in the moment. And that's. That's kind of how I. I, you know, that's kind of how I choose to, like, look at purpose and frame purpose is that everything I'm up to is my purpose. And in recovery, they have this. It's a prayer. And they have this. This phrase as well. They say, on a path of recovery and discovery. And I feel like that is my relationship to my purpose, you know, that I am constantly discovering it. We are constantly discovering each other. And so that's kind of how I relate to my purpose. And the beautiful thing about relating to my purpose in that way or experiencing it in that way is that it kind of takes the pressure off of. Off of me to, like, intellectualize or, like, try to figure out what my purpose is. Instead, I become a space for. For it to be revealed to me. And as you said earlier, it becomes this, like, lifelong journey, this ongoing journey. So that. That, like, that's how I relate to purpose at this stage. Yeah. And the. I guess the last thing I'll say is that you talked about passion and purpose, and I think there's like a. A symmetry there. It's almost like to me, my purpose is my passions. You know, I get to just engage in what occurs to me and, like, you know, surrender to spirit and. And life's flow and my enjoyment and. And that's my purpose, you know? Yeah.
• 9:58
  Speaker A: Beautiful.
• 9:59
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 10:02
  Speaker B: Very beautiful. Yeah. I guess maybe I want to just disclose that this is our first recording in almost three months.
• 10:12
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 10:12
  Speaker B: So it's good to be back. In connection with you guys, we. We. I think the last recording we did was the end of June, right?
• 10:18
  Speaker A: I think so, yeah.
• 10:19
  Speaker B: Yeah. So, yeah.
• 10:20
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 10:21
  Speaker B: It kind of feels like a new. A new. Like a new season. Start of a new season. And I got to see both of you guys. Got to see Michael for five days. He came to visit me in Calgary. I got to see Reno when I was in Vancouver, and I don't know, I just. It just feels really nice to be with you guys again, so I just wanted to. To share that. Yeah. And this is. It's kind of fitting, and I'm glad that we didn't record this because we were going to record this before.
• 10:47
  Speaker A: Right.
• 10:47
  Speaker B: Going on holidays, and we kind of. I intuited. I'm like, maybe we should talk about this after, because I feel like I'm a lot more aligned right now to being able to talk about this. And I think, you know, my. My purpose has been very confusing. In true Gemini fashion, I've also had many purposes, but I know that there's this. Overall, actually, you know what I'll say. I've had many passions, and those have confused my purpose, but I've had an overarching purpose. And that, for me, was discovered through suffering and specifically having an addiction. So I developed. Well, I started using drugs and alcohol when I was about 11, very young, and I. I would say by the time I was 13, I had a cannabis addiction. And by the time I was 16, I had a cocaine addiction. And by the time I was 17, I was using crack, and I used crack cocaine from 17 to 24. This pushed me towards understanding addiction and understanding myself and understanding my suffering and understanding my pain, my trauma. It gave me that. That thing, right? And I look at my addiction as actually a blessing in disguise because I was able to go to rehab. I was able to watch these counselors support people and watch the vulnerability that these people were that they were in, and watch the fine art of counseling in action and also be able to be a client in that process. And I knew in that moment, I'm like, this is what I'm meant to do. I enrolled in. In university. I studied counseling, specializing in addiction, and worked clinically for 10 years. And it was great, but it wasn't my full passion. I was still in my purpose, but I wasn't fully in my passion. My passion was to be. Because I was working in different government facilities and things like that, and I was an employee, and I knew that my purpose was. Well, one of my passions is entrepreneurship. So blending entrepreneurship and healing and empowerment is how I have aligned to my purpose. And there's an interesting phenomenon that happens in my work, and I know this is part of my purpose because I'm meant to. I meant to dive deep in and transform and heal aspects of myself, and then I'm meant to teach those things, and then another layer comes, and I heal, transform, and I teach. And, you know, I'm oftentimes, I'm working with clients who I'm. To be honest, I'm not far ahead of where they're at, and I'm helping them, and I'm literally, we're Walking each other home. It's been a big part of the work that I do and I feel very lucky to be as aligned to my purpose as I, as I am. Because I work with a lot of people that aren't and they've never felt aligned their purpose, they don't know what they're, what they're gonna, what they want to do. So I, I just, you know, I truly am exactly where I want to and need to be in my life. And it's a really beautiful thing. And I haven't always been there. I did, I took a break from doing counseling and coaching and I went into doing fitness nutrition coaching. And that was a four year hiatus and I really needed to get clear about what it is that I wanted to do. And I, it was still was counseling but I needed to learn how to approach this work differently and I needed to transform the approach from being cerebral dominant to heart centered. And I think that's where I'm at now. I'm able to work with both and they've, they've kind of integrated and I work from a very heart centered and very mind centered place. And like Michael, I love teaching. It's a big part of it. So when I teach, I tend to teach from the mind and when I do healing work with people, I tend to, to do that from the heart. So yeah, that's kind of my little mini story of how I found my purpose.
• 15:02
  Speaker A: That's beautiful. I love that. A lot of that resonates with mine in a way. So I talked about what my, what I think my purpose is, at least what it is today. I could talk a little bit about how I got there. It's very much, it's kind of a tale of two stories. So on the one hand, in my personal life, you know, I like what you had said, Matt, about suffering. Yeah, I think that's a big piece of it is suffering myself just as a, as a gay person in a straight world and trying to make sense of that and trying to deal with all the things that we have to deal with, of being othered of the minority stress that goes with it, coming out, being my authentic self, all of that, that entire journey of becoming me on the one hand. And then in my professional life I worked in corporate, as you guys know, in a, in a big financial firm. But I was a people leader, which was good. It was a really good fit for me. I liked leading people. That was the favorite part of my job. I hated all the politics, I hated all the other stuff. I didn't I'm not too passionate about financial management, to be perfectly honest. Really care less. But I loved leading a team. And the one on one, the one on ones we had, the coaching was like leadership coaching and like development coaching, but it was very specific to how to meet the goals of the organization. But lo and behold, it didn't take very long for me to get into, like, people's personal life, and it wasn't long before they started sharing, okay, well, this is what's going on at home, and. And that's affecting my work life. And so, you know, it very quickly turned into personal coaching, even though it was really in a professional setting. And that was the favorite part of my job. And as I've said on this podcast before, I grew to really resent my job. And eventually we parted ways. And at that time, I was like, okay, listen to myself. Okay, listen, here's the things I love to do. And I think there. This is where these two personal, professional sides kind of married. Here's what I love to do. I love coaching, teaching. I love inspiring people, motivating them, and seeing. Seeing their. Seeing their greatness within them. But instead of doing it in a corporate sense, I really want to do this in a personal sense so that people can realize the potential that they have, not just for their corporation and the work, but in their lives. And so I thought specifically in my journey as a gay man, I'm like, the gay community needs this. They, like, we need to learn how to release ourselves from these shackles of shame and. And minority stress and all the things. Fears of judgment and all the things that we have to deal with. Because I do believe that we have so much potential, not just as individuals, but as a. As a community. And so that's sort of what happened. And this was maybe four years ago that. That those two things came together, and here I am. So that's my story of how it came to be. But I also have a feeling this is not the end of the story, I think, for any of us. I think. I think we're all three of us. Or if we did this same podcast in a few years, it'll look a little bit different, right?
• 18:06
  Speaker B: Totally.
• 18:07
  Speaker A: Yeah. All right, let's go into the concept of meaning. So one of the things with purpose, as I said in the intro, is it's really about a deeper meaning. So this is a really deep question, but we know we love to go deep here on the Gay Men Going Deeper podcast. So, Reno, what gives your life meaning?
• 18:29
  Speaker C: There was. I just want to Say too. It's funny, earlier I shared that I. That I had taken some notes, and I've since put them aside, because what I realize is, like, this is not. I don't do notes. Like, I'm not a notes guy. I just speak from the heart, right? So I'm like, let's do away with that now. So when. When I was. I was in this community and we were doing this practice where we were asked to take an inanimate object, and we were invited to. To bring our, like, full presence to it. And so I found this little rose. It was like, you know, the size of, like, my pinky. Like, you know, this. This. This portion of my pinky. And it was. It was on the carpet. And I sat and I just kind of focused my presence on it, my loving presence on it. And what I started to notice is that suddenly this object began to sort of animate. Like, I felt a relationship of love with this object. You know, it was like. It was like a relationship started to form. The energy of relationships started form between this inanimate object. And that was kind of the first time that I had really seen that meaning was generated from my being. So I was being in the energy of, like, love, of presence, of loving presence with this inanimate object. And suddenly this thing that I had walked past multiple times, probably, like, kicked, didn't even see I was in love with. And. And so I think from that moment on, and maybe even prior to that, in a more subconscious and unconscious way, what I saw is that, like, everything has meaning, everything matters. You know, to play with kind of science and spirituality, it's like, everything is matter, therefore, everything matters, you know, so to me, like, there is meaning in everything, and that meaning comes from my being, you know, And. And, you know, like, a larger question would be, well, where does my being come from? And what's that all about? And, I mean, we could go down that rabbit hole. I think it. It's, you know, it's very much connected to, like, spirit. Right. It's very much a part and parcel with spirit. But I would say, like, that is. That is where and how meaning occurs to me. Yeah. And it's in everything. You know, it's in everything. Depending on how I look at it.
• 21:25
  Speaker A: You went real deep.
• 21:26
  Speaker C: Yeah. Thanks. Yeah, of course.
• 21:28
  Speaker A: Love it.
• 21:30
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 21:31
  Speaker A: Thank you. Yeah.
• 21:33
  Speaker B: It's funny how you put your notes aside, because I noticed when you first came on, you're like, these notes are gonna. With me. And you are. You're. You're more of like a yeah, you. You're a flower. You're. You're an authentic. You're. You're the epitome of an authentic relator. So I love that. I love that about you. Yeah. And you always kill it, so.
• 21:51
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 21:54
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 21:54
  Speaker A: Geez.
• 21:55
  Speaker B: For me, I would say there's two things that I live for, and they would be inspiration and love. And both sides of them, the. The reciprocity and the offering would be, like, know to inspire and to feel inspired. I have to feel inspired to inspire. And the same with love.
• 22:14
  Speaker A: Right.
• 22:15
  Speaker B: I want to feel loved and I want to give love.
• 22:17
  Speaker A: Right.
• 22:17
  Speaker B: And I can give better love when I feel loved. So they kind of. I'm. I'm playing with these two sides of these coins right now because for the last year, I've been really struggling a lot in life, and I haven't felt inspired, I haven't felt very motivated, and I haven't felt loved because I've been working through a lot of deep trauma around why I don't feel loved, why I don't trust to be able to go into relationships, to be able to receive love and give love. And something really big has shifted for me in the last while, and it's not fully back online yet, but I'm feeling little like. Tastes of like. Oh, yeah, I remember that. I remember what creating feels like and being able to offer my wisdom and my inspiration to people. And oh yeah, I remember what it feels like to be loved. I remember feeling loved as a little kid. Right. And feeling, you know, moments of feeling able to receive love in some of my intimate relationships, but also really struggling with. With people loving me more than I've loved myself has been a really big theme in my life. And so these two things bring me a lot of meaning. And then I wrote down a couple things as far as, like, deeper things that give me meaning, or maybe not deeper things, because I think the inspiration of love would be the pure depth. And then there's kind of these things of how I use, like, vehicles to kind of get that. And the first one I have, well, actually there's. There's three kind of pillars of, like, what really gets me going in doing the work that I do that really feeds into my purpose. And it would be nurturing, sharing, and expressing. Everything about the work that I do revolves around those three pillars. So I love to make other people feel good. And how it. It strikes me and how it hits me is through seeing people suffer, something inside of me just completely feels almost annihilated when I see People suffering. Like, when I see people in pain, it really hits me hard. And so I've made it my life purpose to help people out of suffering because I know how important it is to do that with each other, right? And being lifted out of, of the bucket of pain, right? We lift each other out of it. So that's a big part. And then because I can't nurture everybody, I use these other two vehicles through the work that I do, like publicly, which is sharing, right? Sharing my wisdom, sharing my teachings, sharing my suffering, the things that I've been through. And you know, health is a big part of, of, of that aspect of it. I love to share. So I'm always researching, I'm always looking at the new modalities that can help people and the, you know, the ancient modalities that can help people and things like that and that for me, I don't know, I just love it like when, whenever somebody reaches out to me and says, like, hey, you know, I'm really struggling with this thing. Can you help me? Like, I would, I love, I would love your advice. Like, I'm like, yes, sure. Like, I get really lit up because I just love when people. Maybe it's about. Some of it is about significance. I think that's one of my core needs. I love when people see me as a significant person in their life and an authority on something. And for me it would be health and healing. So when somebody turns to me, I'm like, it's the ultimate compliment, you know, when somebody reaches out and, and wants support. And then the last one would be expressing. And this is similar to sharing. I think these two kind of go part and parcel, but it would, for me, it would be. I have a deep, deep yearning and desire to share my thoughts, my feelings, my ideas with the world. And I think, I don't just think in this life, this life. I was very censored as a child and very. I feel like I had this mask on for a lot of my life. And the mask just got heavier and heavier and heavier until I got to the point where I just got so angry and frustrated that the mask, I just ripped it off. And that's when I started learning concepts around vulnerability, how to show up and be authentic, how to enter, you know, intimacy with people both platonic and romantic. And, you know, this, this really changed my life, is learning how to do this. And I also think this is part of. I have some sort of past life shit, you know, like around speaking my truth and being executed for that. Like It's. They call it like the witch wound, right? Like you're burned at the stake for being different, divergent, whatever you want to call it. So I have this real strong desire for self expression and there's a shadow side to it too. I kind of like to muck things up a bit. Like you Reno. Like that part of me comes out, it's like, well, I'm going to say shit that's just going to get reactions from people. There's that part of my expression and then there's also this other part of my expression which is very. Just authentic and kind and loving. And I want to express myself from a place of pure, pure love because I want people to feel inspired to, well, be authentic. That's my brand, right? And feel inspired to just share and express themselves. Like, that's so important to me. So. And if I'm ever in like a men's group or like just a circle of people and everybody's just expressing themselves from a real beautiful place, like, it's. I don't know, there's something. That's what I live for. I truly live for that, you know, like this human connection. And I think the best is yet to come in my life because I think I've been very guarded from aspects of connection. And I think I'm doing the deep healing work on my trauma, my attachment trauma that was preventing me from being able to truly, you know, be in community, be and feel like I belong, not just be the guy over here that's maybe say, creating the community for people to indulge in. Which is a little bit of what I've been doing with the brotherhood is it's like, okay, I'll be the. I'll be the space holder and I'll let everybody play on the playground and I'll just be the, you know, the parent over here observing everybody playing. I kind of. I'm having this itch now to like get in there and play on the playground with everybody, which is cool. And that's just my. It goes. It's a testament to the work I've done and, and the safety I'm starting to establish in my nervous system, which is. Which is really big for me. So I'm pretty proud of the work that I've done in the last year just to kind of get to this place. And it feels good. So, yeah, so I'd say my work and my relationships and nature, those are the three things that, that give me meaning. And then like within each of those things would be all the Things I've talked about previously. So. Yeah.
• 28:42
  Speaker A: Beautiful. Yeah. So we're so alike.
• 28:45
  Speaker B: We are. Yeah.
• 28:46
  Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. I. I don't have an answer for this one. It's funny that I. I came up with these questions. I asked them to you guys. Excuse me. And then I'm like, oh, wait a minute. I haven't. This is, like, a really deep question I didn't really give much consideration to, so I'm just going to go ahead and wing it. Thank you, both of you, for inspiring me. I'm happy you guys both went first because both of your responses has inspired me. So what gives your life meaning? If I look specifically at my life, it's definitely the people in relationships and that sense of connection that color it and give it texture. And I can't. Like, yes, I. I know I talk about how much I love being alone in solitude, but I cannot imagine this life without the people that I love including you guys in it. So that gives my life meaning to a broader degree. As we talk about purpose, it gives me such joy and meaning to help others, specifically help them realize their own greatness and their own potential. Or. Or even not. Not even that big. Just like when they, like, unlock something like, oh, I never saw that before. Oh, I never thought of it that way. It's like. It's just like the biggest hit of dopamine you can give me. Like, it's just like the best drug ever. And that kind of impact. I just love that because I. I myself needed that. And I myself for so long was playing small and not confident in all the things, and it just was. I was my own worst enemy in so many ways. Not, Not. Not because it was my own fault, just because of being gay in the society we grew up in. So when I can make that contribution to others, that's. That gives me significant meaning. Like, it is a beautiful feeling. So people in that respect, people that are in my life and also helping others, and I think it's paying it forward because Lord knows I also have those people who help me with that as well, right? Be it friends, family, other coaches and. And whatnot. And I just think that's the beautiful thing about humanity. Humanity has a lot of shitty aspects, but one thing I love is that if we really wanted to, we could all be helping each other. Reno used this, the saying that I love the tide raises all ships. Is that right, Reno? Yes. And that is just something that I love, and I want to be part of that tide, and I want to be one of those ships. So that is an aspect of it, the people, the human side. And then the other piece of it is like the word expansion and growth. But there's a caveat here, because growth and expansion is not linear, is cyclical. So when I say growth and expansion and creation, creation that includes death and described destruction as part of it. Right. Death is part of life kind of thing. So what gives my life meaning is this never ending rhythm of ups, downs, ups, flows. And the growth aspect is the one. Obviously we all love to feel growth and creation and expansion, but I know that it's not always that way. Like, it's really easy to get stuck in the. Oh my God, it has to be more, more, more. But really playing into the waves of, okay, the ebb and the flow and just going with it, the flow of it. Learning to be part of that rhythm gives my life meaning. And then lastly, just problem solving. Like, I just love solving problems. Call myself a professional problem solver. That's how my friends know me, that's how my family knows me. People will tell me all the problems and I'll give them a hundred solutions. So that gives my life meaning. And it comes very naturally to me. I don't know if I answered the question.
• 32:25
  Speaker B: Yeah. And I want to give because, because I have struggled with this one too, because the word meaning is so, it's like, can be existential and expansive. So I always say, like, what gets you out of bed in the morning that's going to lead you towards, like, what gives you meaning? Because it's like we, we only want to get out of bed and attribute our energy to something that feels like it means something to us.
• 32:49
  Speaker A: Right.
• 32:49
  Speaker B: So that could be a way that the viewer, listener can kind of move towards understanding what their meaning is. And for some people, it might be, I fucking hate my job, but I get a paycheck. So the meaning of this is that I get a paycheck so I can do the things that I want to do that give me more meaning.
• 33:03
  Speaker A: Right.
• 33:03
  Speaker B: Like whatever that is for you. So, yeah.
• 33:07
  Speaker A: Another one is, if you had one year left to live, what would you do with your time? That really has a way of prioritizing and focusing on your most urgent desires and priorities and shutting that on what really, really matters to you. I would, I don't know if I would stop working. Honestly, I don't think I would. If I had one year left to live, I'd probably keep working. Oh, I would, I would, I would reduce maybe my, my client load, but I would absolutely keep working. Probably Till. Till the very end. But that just goes to show you that I. I'm. I'm. I'm in my ikigai.
• 33:37
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 33:37
  Speaker C: Your work isn't work.
• 33:39
  Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's go to our. Our third really deep question, which is what kind of impact do you want to make? Reno?
• 33:52
  Speaker C: It feels important to first acknowledge that, like, point blank, period. Because you are here, because you are existing, because you are present in this moment, like, you are impactful, you are always having impact. And not only does that feel important to, like, to establish one's innate meaning, significance, purpose, like reason for being, but also because I think that my experience has been that sometimes it's almost bringing the unconscious to the forefront. Because my observation and my experience is that, you know, sometimes we will move through this world as if we aren't already having impact. And, and, and. And we're sort of like stepping on and over and through things, trying to find this impact. Like, where is it? Where is it? You know, what is my impact? And it's like, oh, guess what? Like, you're here, you're already having it. Now that I have your attention, what would you love that impact to be? You know, now that your whole consciousness is. Is present to the fact that your very existence is impactful, what would you like that impact to be? You know, and so as. As we were speaking earlier, I wrote down this line, this quote that I remembered. I think it was Maya Angelou who said something like, I am the dream of my ancestors. And so, you know, the impact that I want to have, the impact that I am having in my being here, period, is like fulfilling that dream, being the dream of my ancestors. They dreamed of being so free. They dreamed of being so expressed. They dreamed of having a nap, of resting, of swimming in a pool, entering an establishment to sit down and enjoy a meal. They dreamed of doing what they loved and adorning themselves in what, what, what, what, what fit the shape of their soul. People, you know, they dreamed of following their joy and their inspiration. They. They dreamed of feeling safe and regulated and loved and, and like, that's the impact that I wish to have is to A, live that dream, be that dream, be that prayer answered, you know, And B, to be the answer to someone else's prayers, you know, to be the embodiment, to model that which we all aspire to, you know, to be a living, breathing, dancing, speaking, being. Permission slip, you know, to everyone who I come into contact with. You see me walking down the street, I've said nothing to you. But you see me in this fabulous outfit. You're like, oh, my gosh, that's fun. I just impacted you. You are inspired. You may go home and put something cool on tomorrow. You know, we have a conversation or I'm on this podcast. It's like, boom. Impact. I'm having it. And guess what? I'm doing what I enjoy. Like, that's it. I'm just engaged in what occurs to me, what I enjoy. And I'm having impact. So, you know, that to me is like, the impact that I aspire to have and to be. To be loving. To be loving, you know, more and more and more and more and more toward myself, toward others, toward all things. Yeah, yeah. And to be a vessel for the highest expression. Yeah.
• 37:57
  Speaker A: That's so inspiring. I feel inspired.
• 38:01
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
• 38:04
  Speaker A: All the above.
• 38:06
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 38:09
  Speaker B: Okay. What kind of impact do I want to make? Well, I have a thing written on my. In my brand. Inspired to be authentic. And I'll read it to you guys here. It's. I want to inspire courage in people, to live their most authentic expression of who they are that really targets everything, really, in one little kind of mission statement. Inspiration. I want to inspire people to be courageous and to be courageous, to be vulnerable is what I'm speaking of here. Because when we're expressing our most authentic selves and who we are at the deepest core level, that requires vulnerability, that requires inspiration. Right? There's these. These elements here. So I love teaching people how to do that. And then I have again, you look at the core needs. I think can remember where we talked about them on the. The inner child healing episode, right? The core needs of. And my. One of. My top. Actually, my top one is significance. And I had a lot of shame around that, actually, for a long time around, like, oh, I want to be significant. I want that. That I want to be in the spotlight.
• 39:07
  Speaker A: Right?
• 39:08
  Speaker B: People have to see me to be significant. And I had a lot of shame around that. But it's true. I want to. Obviously, I wouldn't be here doing a podcast and being so public, but so there's a shame of, like, how dare I be. How dare I be big? How dare I be bright? Right. I should be dimming myself, which is, like, some core stuff that I've been working on. And that's. That's one side of it. The other side is I have a tremendous amount of fear around visibility and, like, getting on that stage and being bright and bold and big. And so this is what I'm facing right now. It's happening into a big way. My business is booming. I'm being called to different sort of things that are going to make me very visible and you know, put me truly on the stage and I'm scared shitless. I'll be the first to say it and. But I'm rising to the occasion, right? I live by the mantra feel the fear and do it anyway. It's the very first self help book I've ever read and there's a reason why at 15 years old that book came across my non desk at the time, whatever my bed and, and I was like, okay, this is, you know, this is how I want to live. This is the life that I'm going to choose to live. And I, and I have. So that's part of it and then the other part of it that's really part of my, my purpose is to up systems. I'm here to up systems systems that aren't working. And that's subjective to me. I realize that I identify a system that's not working and I'm going to go in and I'm going to put all my energy into that and I'm going to be like. And you know, like Michael, I'm a great problem solver but one of my skill sets in problem solving is I'm able to hone in on the piece in the system that's not working, right. Like I can look at the mechanics of a system and be like that's where we got to focus. That's where it's not flowing, right? So I bring in that in and I do a lot of that energetically. So I'm here to, you know, and I look at the systems that I, that I really hone in on are systems that create oppression and systems that create sickness. So looking at the way that our health system works, whether that's mental health or physical health, I am always very vocal on bringing forth my opinion on how these systems aren't working. They're keeping us stuck in sickness and the same with oppression, right? We want diversity, you know, equality and inclusion. We need to up that system, right? And, but it has to be done methodically. You can't just enter a system and try and blow it up and it up because it's the too many people are conditioned in that system and around that system. So it has to be done with a lot of deliberativeness and discernment and inspiration and empathy and these sorts of things. So that's how I systems up. I don't go in with all my anger and Be like, this needs to be changed and blah, blah, blah. That's somebody else's work. That's not my job in this world. My job is to be more of an energetic activist as opposed to an activist at the march, you know, And I believe that that's how change is going to be impacted in this world is through. Through empathy, through understanding, through love, through. And I do my part in, in helping some up.
• 42:21
  Speaker A: Yeah, I love that. Both of you guys, both you guys.
• 42:27
  Speaker C: Can I, Can I say something to that real quick?
• 42:30
  Speaker B: Sure.
• 42:30
  Speaker C: Just that, just that, you know, I. I recently went into like, our YouTube, the YouTube channel, and, and sometimes I'll check out the comments. Right. Just out of curiosity. And I'm, I'm not, like, I'm not phased by them, but I want to take a moment to acknowledge, like, to acknowledge and bring attention to the fact that you have like three beautiful humans here who are, who are, like, who are. You talked about courage, like, who are coming forward and like, out from behind the key. Well, we're behind the keyboard, but we're also like, we're with you. You can see our faces. We're, we're.
• 43:09
  Speaker A: We.
• 43:09
  Speaker C: We bring our whole hearts and we kind of like share them with everyone, you know, And I think that is like one of the ultimate acts of courage. And I just want to take a moment to, to celebrate that, you know, and to say, like, like, we are living out growth and transformation and evolution, like, like for the world to share and participate in. And I just think there's something so noble and so amazing about that. So, you know, maybe give us a break.
• 43:46
  Speaker B: I love that. And I actually, I wanted to say something about this, but I was going to wait till the perfect time and if you just created that moment for me.
• 43:52
  Speaker C: So thank you.
• 43:53
  Speaker B: And I want to speak to the people that do leave hateful comments because it's really interesting what, you know, my journey with these. It's been four years now since I've been super public in the gay community, and they would annihilate me at the beginning. I would ruminate. I would be so completely annihilated by this. But what happened from being annihilated is my ego got annihilated. My desire to people, please got annihilated. So these sorts of comments, when they're left on people's work, they actually backfire on the person leaving them. Because now what I do, when somebody leaves me, leaves me a comment is for sure, I will read it. You can count on me going in and reading it. I always will. But I will use it as an opportunity to love myself deeper. I will use it as a barometer to check in with if this is actually alive in my experience or not. Right. So what people are trying to do, or at least I perceive they're attempting to do, is to bring us down, knock us down a peg. Right. What it's actually doing is it's just making me rise higher and higher. And I wanted to just share that with people because, you know, we're here. We're here with a very specific mission, and we're here to empower and heal people. So we're. We're heading upwards regardless of what anybody tries to do. We're heading upwards and we're bringing people with us. So you can hop on the rocket ship or you can try and sabotage the rocket ship. The rocket ship's going upwards regardless. So thank you, Reno, for bringing that up, because it's. You know, you have those days where you read some of those comments and you're like, man, I can't believe. And it can be. It can be discouraging to see that there's so much hurt and pain in our community that people want to actually bring people down into that, Right? Come and join us. Come and join us. Get out of that. Get out of the yuckiness. Right? So leave kind and loving comments on. On the work, and that will bring kind and lovingness to you. Right. You're always going to get back what you give out. Right? So just be mindful of that. People.
• 45:43
  Speaker C: Impact. Impact, you know, conscious impact. Right. We welcome your feedback. If you take issue with or want to discuss something we've said that doesn't resonate with you or you don't understand and you want to unpack it, communicating that is different than, like, you know, coming at us. Right. So absolutely, like, choose your impact. What is the result you want to create, you know?
• 46:08
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So important. So important.
• 46:11
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 46:12
  Speaker A: And if you still don't like it, change the channel.
• 46:16
  Speaker B: For real.
• 46:17
  Speaker A: We're not going anywhere.
• 46:18
  Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
• 46:21
  Speaker A: Great. Well said.
• 46:22
  Speaker C: Yeah, Michael.
• 46:26
  Speaker A: I mean, that's a great one. I love that. Like I said, you guys really inspired me. I hadn't thought too much about it, but, I mean, I know that the impact I want to make in my work, which really, as we've just talked about, kind of dovetails nicely into my purpose in life. One of the ways I like to look at this is going back to what I was saying about problem solving is I ask myself the question, what challenges and Problems in the world most activate me, most trigger me that I find the most troubling to me personally, that, like, really ignites me within something, something personal to me. And then how can I alleviate those? How can I contribute? What's the impact I want to make towards solving those problems? So to me, there's a lot of problems in the world that ignite me. But it's absolutely the fact that I see and I. I am part of. I'm not on the outside. I'm in it, in this, in this gay community. And there's just so. We have so much potential as, as queer people, as gay men and as a community. And what I see so much is that we feel like we don't deserve. Because of our gayness, our queerness, we don't deserve love, we're different. We don't deserve relationships, we don't deserve happiness, we don't deserve success, we don't deserve wealth, which we'll be talking about later this month. And that's just fucking bullshit. That's like, you all, listener, viewer, deserve all of these things, and you are worthy of all these things. And the issue isn't that you don't deserve it. You're not worthy of it. It's just that you're not seeing it, and that's not your fault. And so what I like to do and what. What the impact I want to make is help people see that they are worthy and deserving of whatever the fuck they want. Like, there is like, no one, no one should tell you, oh, no, you shouldn't want that. Like, I talk about sex all the time. People like, oh, no, you shouldn't talk about sex. You shouldn't be naked on Instagram. It's like, not naked on Instagram. If I want to be naked on Instagram and if I want to make money, I'm going to make some money. Better be sure about that. And there's no shame in that. Which is why my brand is about being shameless, right? Shamelessly gay. And that even that word triggers people like, oh, no, no. Oh, that's. That's too much. You're too much. You're too much. You're saying too much. It's like that shit. I'm not saying too much. I'm saying exactly what needs to be said. And I will create the space for others to do the same, hopefully. And hopefully that. That inspires others. But that's okay. If I'm not your guy, that's fine. But I hope that there is at least one person and Lord knows there are that see me and say, wow. Look like, wow, this guy's gay. Like, you can be gay and be happy. You can be gay and do what you want to do and talk about it and talk about going to bath houses and talk about cruising and talk about your relationships and talk about spirituality and all the things.
• 49:08
  Speaker B: Things.
• 49:08
  Speaker A: And I say, yes. Yes, you can. So my impact is that. Is basically, I want to help people see and realize that they're worthy of that expression of what they are, not what. I am not trying to get you to be me. I want you, and I help you. The impact I want to make is to help people figure out who they are and then go out into the world and show that to us. Shine that light because the world needs it. Lord knows we all need your light. I have my light. My light's not your light. My light's not Matt's light. Mine. That's not Reno's light. We all have our beautiful light. And when we all shine bright, it's a beautiful world. We get to live it. Yeah.
• 49:44
  Speaker B: So, amen.
• 49:45
  Speaker A: That's. That's. That's my impact. I just want y' all to be empowered.
• 49:51
  Speaker C: And can we just take a moment to celebrate the fact that, like, there was a time before, like, before maybe even during our. But before a lifetime where, like, this would not be happening. Like, we're broadcasting to thousands of people, you know? And, like, we're. We're loud, and we're proud. Or. Or not loud. You know, maybe we're, like, a little bit quieter, too. That's cool for the introverts. I see you, you know, but it's like. But. But, like, we, like, look at the impact that we're having, you know, look at the progress that has been made. We get to have conversations like this. We get to move through the world in the way that we do, you know? I just think that's so beautiful. So beautiful.
• 50:35
  Speaker A: Can I add something as well, Reno? You. You brought up a really good point at the beginning. I want to underline that. Like, if someone's listening to this and they're saying, well, what. What impact am I going to have in my small town here? I don't really know anyone. I don't have. I'm not special. I don't have all these things. Listen, your impact is not about anything big or sexy or shiny. Like, we're not asking you to be Oprah or Cristiano Ronaldo or Beyonce here, okay? Like, your impact, like Reno had said, is literally just you show up in the world. And people see you and they. And they. They're impacted by you. It's so important. Your impact could be as a. A parent, as a sibling, as a pet owner. It could be as a neighbor, as someone in your community. It could be like the impact you make making cookies for your neighborhood. Whatever that is, is your impact. And there's nothing like. Don't. Don't minimize that. There's a lot of power in that.
• 51:26
  Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. And it starts with a smile.
• 51:29
  Speaker A: Yes.
• 51:29
  Speaker B: Truly, the smile is, like, so impactful for people. I always try and smile when I can.
• 51:35
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 51:36
  Speaker C: It's so regulating. When you walk past a person, they smile at you. It's just, like, so good, you know? Yeah.
• 51:44
  Speaker A: In the village, though, if I smile at somebody, they think I'm hitting on them. So sometimes I gotta be.
• 51:49
  Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
• 51:50
  Speaker A: No, no, I don't want you to touch my penis. I'm just smiling.
• 51:53
  Speaker C: Yeah.
• 51:56
  Speaker A: Product of where I live, I guess.
• 51:57
  Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
• 51:59
  Speaker A: All right, guys, Anything else you want to add before I wrap this up today?
• 52:02
  Speaker C: Just that I love doing this with y'.
• 52:04
  Speaker A: All.
• 52:04
  Speaker C: As usual. I feel like I say. I mean, I. If I don't say it every time, I could say it every time. This is so fun.
• 52:11
  Speaker B: You.
• 52:11
  Speaker C: You guys and all of you watching and listening. Oh, my God.
• 52:16
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 52:16
  Speaker A: And if you are watching and listening, please leave us a five star rating. And if you're watching on YouTube, go ahead and leave us a comment. Even all you hateful who don't like what we're doing because we're shining bright, leave us your comment. We will ignore it and move on. But also, we love the. The beautiful comments. And I will say this over the summer. I know we weren't recording, but, like, so many people. And I love this. I love when you guys. You guys who are listening come up to me and say, like, oh, are you Michael from Gay Men going to. I'm like, yeah. And then we have a little chat. This happens to me at the beach, on the street, at the gym, at the bar. Like, I love it.
• 52:51
  Speaker B: So that's amazing.
• 52:53
  Speaker A: Please keep saying hi and sharing your love with us because that does inspire me. And us as well. So thank you for that.
• 53:01
  Speaker C: Wait, do I have time to say one more thing?
• 53:03
  Speaker A: Yeah, of course.
• 53:03
  Speaker C: Like, I always have one more thing to say. So crazy. On that note, I was on the beach this summer. I met a guy at a workshop, and we ended up on the beach together. And we were laying there and we were, like, chatting, and he had spent the whole weekend with me in workshop and outside the workshop, and we're talking, and he. He mentions this, like, line that he had heard on the podcast. And then he looks at me, and he goes, wait. I said, wait. I said. I asked him. I was like, what podcast was it? And I knew what he was gonna say. And he said, the Gay Men's Brotherhood. And then he looked at me, and he goes, wait, it was you. And I was like, get out of here. I knew he was gonna say it. He's like, oh, my God. You're on the Gay Men's Brotherhood podcast. And I was like, oh, yep, that's me. I'm. I'm so. I love what you said. It's amazing. We're reaching so many people. It's so cool.
• 53:57
  Speaker A: We got some good stuff in store, guys. So this month is all about purpose, so I'm looking forward to our next episodes.
• 54:04
  Speaker B: Yeah, me too.
• 54:06
  Speaker A: All right, guys. And of course, join us in the Gay Men's Brotherhood group that's on Facebook, where we have the events. You can look at where we do the Zoom hangouts. And if you're not on our email list, please get on the email list. We'll send you all of the goodies there. All right, guys, thanks so much for joining. Thank you to our beautiful Matt and Reno for lending your wisdom and vulnerability as always. We'll see you next time.