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Episode 2: Homesickness - When Your Next Chapter Doesn't Feel Like Home Yet · Cloud 9: The Mental Performance Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, welcome back to Cloud9.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is going to be a little more personal because I want to talk about something that I'm actually going through right now: homesickness.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is something that a lot of people experience, but maybe don't talk about enough.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you moved away for college, grad school, a new job, sports, or you're just starting something completely new, there can be this expectation that you're supposed to be excited, and you can be excited.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: You can be grateful for the opportunity in front of you.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can know that you made the right decision, and you can still really, really miss home.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Those things can exist at the same time.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to talk about my own experience with homesickness, what I'm learning from it, and some things that might help you if you're going through the same exact thing.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: What does it actually mean to be homesick?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: When we hear the word homesick, I think we automatically picture someone just wanting to physically go home.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's something deeper than that.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when I say I miss home, what we're actually saying is, I miss my people, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my routines, I miss my favorite places, I miss walking into a room and knowing everybody.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I miss being around people who know me without me having to explain myself.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I think we even miss the version of ourselves that existed in that place.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And when you move somewhere new, suddenly everything is unfamiliar.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: You have to figure out where everything is, you have to meet new people, you have to build new routines, you have to find your community again, and that can be exhausting.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: So here's a question I want you to think about.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: When you say I miss home, what do you actually miss?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because your understanding what you miss can help you figure out what you actually need.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: My experience.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: For me, this is something I'm still figuring out.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to sit here and pretend that I have some perfect formula for overcoming sick homesickness because I don't.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going through it too.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: There are moments where I'm excited about the chapter I'm in and everything I'm working toward.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: But there are also moments where I just want the familiarity of home.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think one of the hardest parts is that little voice that can start asking, did I make the wrong decision?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because when something feels uncomfortable, our brains naturally want to get away from the discomfort.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: We want to go back to what feels safe, and home feels safe.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: But something I'm trying to remind myself is this: being uncomfortable doesn't automatically mean you made the wrong decision.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes being uncomfortable just means you're adjusting.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means you're growing.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means you're doing something you've never done before.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: The sport psychology side of homesickness, just my cup of tea.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where I think sports psychology actually connects really well.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Think about an athlete entering a completely new environment.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're a freshman going from high school sports to college.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly you're on a new team, new coaches, new teammates, new expectations.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you went from being the best player on your team to competing for playing time.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Everything that used to feel comfortable suddenly doesn't.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Does that automatically mean you chose the wrong school?
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: You might just need time to adjust.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: Life transitions can be the same exact way.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: When you're homesick, it's really easy to confuse this is uncomfortable with this is wrong.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And those are two very different things.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Don't run from this feeling.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I also think it's important to remember that the goal isn't necessarily to make homesickness completely disappear.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: As athletes, we're constantly taught that we need to get rid of nerves, get rid of anxiety, get rid of negative thoughts, get rid of pressure, but mental performance isn't always about eliminating uncomfortable emotions.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's learning how to move forward while they're still there.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: You can be nervous and still compete.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: You can feel pressure and still perform.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you can miss home and still build a really good life where you are.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to stop missing home.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I need to learn how to keep moving forward while I miss home.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Something that's super important is controlling the controllables.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this applies perfectly to homesickness.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: There are things we can't control.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: I can't control the distance between me and home.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I can't control the fact that I'm going to miss certain people.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I can't force a new place into immediately feeling familiar.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I can't control everything I'm missing back home.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: But there are things I can control.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I can control who I reach out to.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I can control whether I get out of my room or isolate myself.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: I can control whether I explore my new environment.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I can control my routine.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I can control how I'm taking care of myself.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I can control whether I give this new chapter a genuine chance, and I can control what I choose to focus on each day.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Some practical ways to help with homesickness.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you're going through homesickness right now, just like I am, there are a few things I want you to try.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: First, create a routine.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: When everything around you feels unfamiliar, having some consistency can make life feel a little more normal.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Find your gym, find your coffee shop, find your favorite place to study, find a walking route, find a church or a community, create little things you can look forward to throughout your week.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: Second, stay connected to home without living through your phone.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Call your parents, FaceTime your friends, send the text, stay connected to your people, but also make sure you're giving yourself an opportunity to be present where you are.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: If you're constantly looking backward, it's going to be really hard to build something new in front of you.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Third, say yes to things.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: If someone invites you somewhere, go, even if you're nervous.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Even if staying home sounds easier.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because one of the hardest parts about homesickness is feeling like you don't have your people anymore.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: But finding your people requires putting yourself in situations where you can actually meet them.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, give yourself time.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to feel immediately at home.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Relationships take time, community takes time, routine takes time, feeling comfortable takes time.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself some grace.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to replace home.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Something I've been thinking about is that maybe the goal isn't to replace home.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the goal is to expand what home really means.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: We tend to think old home or new life.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: But what if it could be old home and new life?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to love your family less to build relationships somewhere new.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to forget your hometown to find new favorite places somewhere else.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to become a completely different person.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to carry pieces of a home with you while also creating something new.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Faith and homesickness.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And for me personally, my faith is also something I come back to when I'm struggling with this.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: One of my favorite verses is Deuteronomy 31.8, which is the Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a comforting reminder during a transition like this.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Everything familiar might feel far away, but God isn't.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we can trust that God has led us somewhere and still struggle with being there.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Faith doesn't mean we're never going to feel lonely, uncomfortable, or homesick.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes faith means, God, I don't completely understand this season yet, but I'm going to trust you while I'm in it.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: The 321 Homesickness Challenge.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Before we finish this episode, I want to give you a little challenge.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: I call it the 3-2-1 Homesickness Challenge.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to write down three things you're grateful for about where you are at right now.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not where you wish you are, or wish you were, where you are now.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Then two people you're going to connect with this week.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's someone from home, maybe it's someone new, maybe it's one of each.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're just trying to create one more connection between yourself and the place you're currently in.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you're listening to this right now and you're homesick, I want you to remember something.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Missing home doesn't mean you're failing at your new chapter.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: It means you have something worth missing, and that's actually a pretty incredible thing.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: You have people worth missing, places worth missing, memories worth missing, a community worth missing.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: But you also don't know yet what this chapter is going to give you.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: There are people you haven't met yet, memories you haven't made yet, places that aren't your favorite places yet.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's the word we need to remember.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yet.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're homesick, I'm right here with you.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to pretend we don't miss home.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have to rush ourselves through it.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: But we also don't have to let homesickness stop us from experiencing what's right in front of us.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to stop missing home.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: I just need to learn how to keep moving forward while I miss it.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys so much for listening to this episode of Cloud 9.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And wherever you're listening from, whether you're at home, hundreds of miles away from home, or you're still learning to call home, I hope this episode reminded you that you're not alone.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you guys next time.