Latest / Health Tech & Wellness Podcast / Is Holding You Back (And You Might Not Even Realize It)
Transcript
- John Adams: It's not the fear of failing, maybe it is, but at the end of the day, it's what if. This works that fear of change, the fear of uncertainty, right? That fear of, shit, what if this does work? Like, how am I gonna handle this? Yeah. So Crystal Nevedale: my whole life's gonna change and Yeah. John Adams: we don't think about that, but it's there. And when your brain is already going through all these other fear cycles, and you do start to inch towards, okay, I'm gonna make this happen no matter what, then this little guy that nobody talks about. Jumps in and goes, but wait, whoa, what if this does work? Welcome back to another week of the Health Tech and Wellness Podcast. I'm John Adams. Crystal Nevedale: And I'm Crystal Nevada. John Adams: And today we're going to talk about something that every one of us has to deal with, right? We've talked about this previously. And I just I like to keep bringing it up because fear is one of those things that stop us all from doing the things that we know we need and should do. So, Crystal, let's just start that off right off the bat, right? Is there something either recently in your life, your trip that you just went on, or just any point in your life when you knew, man, I I need to do this? But you had that fear that you really had to either deal with or overcome, or maybe it even stopped you from doing. So why don't you jump into your recent trip? I'm sure that wasn't an easy thing for you and how you dealt with that and overcame it. And then if there's anything else maybe in your life that maybe did stop you from doing what you wanted to do. Crystal Nevedale: think like three years ago like it was planted in my head like that I wanted to do retreats like I went on my first retreat I seen a lot of similarities in the host that I have in my life excuse me and I just like it was like a seed planted so I I did a small tour of two people it was good to some expect extent but there was other things that needed work. So now this like fast forward now three years and I just went on this trip. And I was a host for six days with five other women from around the US to take them sea glassing in St. Kitts. So now I'm on the flip side of that coin of not just wanting it, but actually having more than two people that I'm taking. I got to see how it all works. You know, I was side by side, I was her assistant. so it was it's kind of a development. So fear, yes. There there's some fear in there. But I also believe in like divine timing. So it's like this this funny balance, like where I need to make a step in the direction. So like this has been heavy. Like the whole way on the plane home, I was brainstorming since I've been home. I've been writing down numbers to see if, you know, should I just book this or that? So there's a lot of things for me that are like moving parts that have been years in the making. I've known I wanted to do something, and yes, okay, so the first thing, the first fear was. Would I have the person next to me as an assistant that would be able to carry out the job in which I see the way it needs to be carried out? Like do I have someone flexible? So that was my first thing. So that kind of squashed the dream for a minute because I didn't have that. Now I'm back to the realm where okay, now I have someone that could be my assistant and I feel comfortable with and it could grow. So like the fear is starting to subside there, I think, for me, and I'm starting to make like substantial strides in that direction. And it's all like a building for me, but there is fear always weaved in there. And when I start feeling I feel like when I start feeling fearful, I need to make one step. One step in that direction. And then it kind of will dissipate and then I can move forward a little bit. For me, it's just take a step. Like get off the fence, take a step, you know? So that was what I did when I went on this trip. Like I took the step to go in there to work work the retreat, figure out how it's all done, see if I could handle it. And it is emotionally, spiritually, and physically taxing. You're dealing John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: with five women in different places in their life with different needs, different wants. so it it I'm definitely going to need to do some more work and make sure that I can emotionally handle it because it is a big duty. You're their support for those six days, you know. John Adams: Yeah, I've never done a retreat like that, you know, at all. not a men's retreat or anything, where I've been in charge or not in charge, but the person, you know, there to support. so I I could never even dream to understand the thought process. But what I can tell you is even just dealing with somebody in your life when you're you have to be that support for them, there's a lot that goes into that, right? you know, we talked about it, you know, when my Cindy's mother was passing and stuff, you know, that that caregiver stress and stuff, right? So you're kind of dealing with the same thing there, except for now you're taking on emotional stresses, right? So yeah, I can only imagine going into that knowing that I've got to be that support for these women. And then, you know, the fear that would come along with that. So great job, you know, overcoming that and and stepping into that role. Crystal Nevedale: So it's like a lot of people don't realize like when people come to things like that, they're trying to get away from life. They're John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: trying to get away from maybe loss, maybe grief, maybe some hardship at home. Like they're trying to disconnect. However, they're coming with a huge package to unpack. So in that retreat where you start to feel comfortable and safe with the people in the retreat, you start talking about those things. So then it triggers different people to bring in different things and scenarios and It's it's very different than what I think people imagine a spiritual retreat to be like. John Adams: No, yeah, that's that's amazing. And was there was it a lot of, you know, just activities to keep busy, like keep the mind f freed, or was there some like meditation? Was there some open discussions? Crystal Nevedale: Meditation and yoga. Meditation, yoga, discussions, different activities that we would do related. Like we did this activity with a key and there was a lot of information to it and it was to kind of get you on the idea of thinking about things in a little bit of a different way. So there was a lot there's a lot of that. Like it's intertwined with, you know, fun dinners and pool time and going beach classing and So it is a very fun, magical experience, but it always is usually a very heart opening for all the people. You know, we build friendships with those people. Like four of the women that I've was on the retreat with, I've been on other retreats with as a guest. So like I knew them personally too on that aspect. So then it was even a deeper connection, I feel like we were able to have. So but yeah, it's John Adams: Did did that make it tougher to separate knowing that you knew these women when you were the person trying to you know, run the retreat and help? Crystal Nevedale: No, I think it kind of made it easier because I kinda knew their personalities and and what they liked, what they didn't like, and kind of knew where their limits were and you know, that kind of thing. So I think it actually helped. For it to be my first one, I believe it was very helpful that I knew some of the women. John Adams: Okay, great, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, that's awesome. And that that's a huge thing to overcome, you know, going into that. and and again, great job, you know, tackling that head on. And I guess my question, you know, before we move on, it sounds like you're already ripping and roaring ready for the next one. Is is that something that you you think, okay, look, I got a lot out of this. I think I was able to help these women and I plan on continuing to do. Crystal Nevedale: Yes. So I hope within the next month I'm hoping I can get it accomplished, but I want to have a place rented. and the first retreat will be in Puerto Rico. and we'll start out slow, maybe do like six people and that's it. and like the the the goal at the end is to spend a complete month there and have women come in five in, we send them back home, then we get five more and do like a group of twenty for that month and do that twice a a year. until we're able to make some kind of permanent residence maybe there. Like there's a lot of stuff in the in the making. We're not really sure where we're headed yet. But just John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: like I was saying, like taking these tiny steps, like this big picture that I have, it's definitely like coming alive. Like I can feel it's more comfortable in my stomach. Like like, yeah, you can do this now. Like this is doable. Where I had a lot of apprehension before. I didn't feel like I had the right support system, you know, and things like that. I feel like the the host that I worked with at this retreat, like I think she's a very good source to help me through some of these things too. She's a great mentor in all different ways. So I think that that will be nice too. And that's another thing, like just women supporting women, men supporting men, everybody supporting each other and knowing that like even though we're trying to do the same thing or something similar, we could still support each other to make it happen. So that's John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: a good feeling. So I I'm grateful for Virginia and her expertise in that, you know, really it's helping me a lot. John Adams: Nice. No, that's that's awesome. And so glad that that went off really well for you. And it's it sounds like it's gonna turn into something. And look forward to seeing where that goes. That's awesome. so let's move a little further into the fear thing because you really conquered that one. so but in a lot of times, d do you think and and maybe this was something you guys spoke about because I'm sure that You know, some of these women were dealing with some fears, whether it's because of past traumas or whatever. one thing that I really was going into this with is fear isn't always obvious, right? Crystal Nevedale: Right. John Adams: Sometimes, you know, when you we think about fear, right? The first thing that pops into your head is your heart's pounding and you're sweating, and I'm I'm just terrified. But That's not how fear always shows itself, right? Sometimes Crystal Nevedale: Right. John Adams: fear looks like procrastination. The yeah, I really want to do this retreat with these women, but I'm not ready yet. Maybe in two more years, right? That is a form of fear, but we package it as well, we're not ready, or I don't have the ability to make this thing perfect. So I don't even want to attempt it, right? So is that something Crystal Nevedale: Okay. John Adams: maybe also that you guys discussed that fear doesn't always have to be that thing that you immediately fear that's crippling you? It could also just be packaged in a different way. Crystal Nevedale: Yeah, I mean that's always a discussion with people who are trying to do better, be better, see better, think better. So, I mean, fear is always on the top of the list of what we do. Like we have people, you know, that come to a retreat and the fear is left at home. You know, like all of that worry is left at home, but we try to talk about how what do you do now? What do you do with your mindset and changing your mind now so when you get home that that fear is not nagging and you're back in the same position that you started in. and sometimes it's just speaking up for yourself. I feel like in a lot of these situations where people come to retreats, it's they have minimized themselves so much and there's somebody kind of overpowering them. It could be a parent, it could be a loved one, it could be a partner, but it just feels like they've kind of lost their way. So it's like facing themselves again. It there's a lot to it, but definitely there's so many different ways to deal deal with fear. And they they show up, like you said, procrastination is a huge one. We don't think we're ready for X, Y, and Z. We're over planning. We're overworking it. And in our head, it's like, I'll give you a prime example. When I opened my shop, I opened my shop in two weeks of not knowing anything. Now at that point in my life, I had no fear of what if. I did it. I was a young nurse. I started at 19 years old. I was a young mother, 17 and 18. Like I had already, in my mind, conquered life and I really felt like, yeah, what do I have to lose? Right. And that's the mindset that I went into the shop with. I had $200 to my name. I didn't know anything about business and I did it. So like when I start to worry about things coming up now, I think, okay, well, you just did that. Like you'll be okay. Like, you know, you can figure it out. So I have to sometimes when I get fearful, I have to revert back to that and realize, John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: like, look, you've done harder things. Just take one step. And when I took the one step, I mean I didn't know anything about sales tax. I could go on. The list is John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: a mile long of the things I didn't know anything about, not even nothing. And I still made it work. So like with this I need to just bite the bullet, rent the place and figure it out as I go. I get have a year to figure it out, you know? John Adams: So I'll I'll play devil's advocate here because I can already hear people in the comments or viewers or listeners saying, Well, your point that you just made, you were a young nurse and you were, you know, in your early 20s, and you made this decision to make this leap of faith as a young person, and it's a lot easier then than it is in your 40s and your 50s. And now I'm 47. And starting a brand new journey in life. Well, not brand new anymore. I've been doing it for a little bit, but you know, starting this new journey in life and and and building a business. And you're now in your 40s and you're going, Hey, I'm going Crystal Nevedale: Much less. John Adams: to start this thing. So, what advice would you give? Yes, you have that experience as a younger, you know, nurse moving into Crystal Nevedale: Mm-hmm. John Adams: this other world. But as this person that's later in life that maybe feels stuck, that maybe wants to make that change, and they're just scared because what if it goes wrong? what advice would you give that person? Right. Because they're Crystal Nevedale: I would say when you're talking to someone about it and you're excited and you feel it in your gut and it you're like excited, and people will tell you because people tell me, man, you're really excited about this. I can see this. When that happens to you, that's the feeling that I believe people should hold on to. If it excites you that much, do it. That's your body, the world, the universe telling you, hey, you can do this. But if you are John Adams: what if ever but what if everybody watches me fail? Crystal Nevedale: You can't win if you don't fail some. It's you know, it it's you gotta fail some. It's just part of learning. It's really I hate the word failure. It's like it's really not failure. It's like you're John Adams: Yeah. Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: learning, it's a stepping stone. So I think we should call failures little stepping stones now. Because everybody who's ever done anything worthwhile has failed. Every single person. You can listen to podcast after podcast after podcast. You know what the difference is? They didn't John Adams: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: give up. They kept going, they kept trying new things. And that's where it's at. Like I I'm still learning stuff at 45 that I had no idea I didn't even know. John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: You know, like emotionally inside of my own little world. I'm still at 45 learning little pieces of myself. So yeah, it's a it's a never-ending journey. But if it excites you, do it. John Adams: Do it. Yeah. If you're this is why I call it Living 95. Everybody says, okay, well, you you talk a lot of the health stuff. No, it's it's it's everything. And in here, it's exciting. You're you're you're really wanting to get into it. You're at that moment where it's just so exciting to you. Okay, maybe you can't take that leap of faith and step off the cliff 100%. But can you put your toe in the water? Can you start what Crystal Nevedale: Right. John Adams: What can start that journey? Not start planning the journey, because we've all been planning. We are always sitting dreaming of whatever that next thing is. But what's that one thing, that 5%? What's that little toe in the water that you can do right now? Can you, like you said, okay? I I it I already know where it's gonna be. I'm already gonna plan the date. I just gotta find the, you know, place. So you're you're you're doing the small little things now to get ready for that next one. You don't even have the place yet. You just know date. Time, play. So building that's Crystal Nevedale: Yeah. It's building, you know, it's like a building. John Adams: 100%, right? And so why do we think that we we've talked about this in the past, Crystal? We've we both mentioned this, and I'm gonna say it again, but why are we so afraid of failure in the idea of embarrassment? Right. Okay, we're all afraid of failure is You know, if I screw this up, I'm not gonna be able to pay the bills. Maybe I lose my house, maybe I you know, whatever. Those are legitimate fears, okay? Because they are, I mean, even though they're in your control, if you put in the work and stuff like that, they're kind of out of your control because you don't know, right? The market changes, things happen. But why do we let the fear of failure turn into embarrassment? Right. And I've said this before, and you can echo this. We as human beings feel and we're really gonna go into this next week with anxiety, but we really feel like people give us more of their time than they really do. Quite honestly, other than your immediate Crystal Nevedale: I don't care. John Adams: yeah, other than your immediate spouse usually nobody cares. Like we walk through life thinking people are looking at us, people are thinking about us, people care about what look, I I'll throw something up on Facebook and then I'm like, yeah. No, look, this is A great thing, right? You do why are we so worried about people what they think about? Nobody's nobody wakes up going, man, Crystal just you know screwed this up. No, nobody thinks about the hat. We give ourselves way more credit of being in other people's heads than there truly is. I'm sure you experienced that, you know, through other people or through yourself, right? In the past, right? Crystal Nevedale: Yeah, I was having this conversation about accountability this morning with Emily and so on my I was explaining on my weight loss journey that I put things on the internet so that I was accountable. And it got into a deeper con discussion, but I can see where like people use other people's opinions to drive them in one way or another. I because I was someone that did that. But I want to say something really quick too. What you just asked me about What do you do like when you're in fear? And in I this is something that's really powerful and I think it's changed my life is when you when you want something or you could you have this vision for your life, you need to find someone in that position. And they need to be your mentor and you need to grab onto them and learn and ask questions because I think that when you see someone you know doing something amazing or what you dream of being or doing, it makes it easier to take that first step. And I don't think I realized that till we just started this podcast because Virginia's kind of been that for me. Like it's it's been really awesome to have conversations with her and and learn and see things from a different point of view. And I feel like it gives some a different kind of confidence. Because you're not so blind. Like you can talk to someone who's doing what you're wanting to do. So that that's another word of advice. Sorry, it just popped into my head. I was like, don't let me lose that thought John Adams: No, no, you no, that was perfect. And and we'll go down that tangent for a minute here because we we were talking about, you know, the one of my most recent productions that I did with Eric and the person he interviewed, and that's actually one of the things that he says right away. And the guy's very successful. And when when when that episode launches for Eric, I'll I'll I'll share that on our channel because I think everybody needs to see this episode. But long story short, one of the first things that Justin says, and and Funny part is the dude's a multimillionaire and his last name is McMillian, Justin McMillian. Look up J Mac Customs, anybody listening? this guy is he's the epitome of watch this guy and follow what he's doing. But long story short, that was one of the first keys to his success: is a mentor. Find a mentor. You maybe you don't have the money to pay for a mentor. Find that person that you know that's close to you that is succeeding, right? And latch onto them and and use that to drive you. a mentor is the one of the most important things that you can have. And I've got multiple of those in my life. And going down this path that I've been on, I've got multiples that I've reached out to that have been very supportive and and here's what I would do. And okay, here's a mistake you're making. Let me let me kind of steer you in the right direction. so yeah, if you don't have a mentor. Whether it's in your health, in your relationship, in your growth of, you know, your business or finances or whatever. I recommend every single person have a mentor. Doesn't have to be somebody you paid, just a friend, a family member, somebody that's succeeding already, that you can look at and and not mimic, but emulate, right? And reach for what they're doing. so no, that was a great topic. Yeah. Yes. Crystal Nevedale: Just seeing it's possible. Just seeing that it's possible. I think that sometimes that we we have this dream and we don't think it's possible. But when you walk at someone who's walking in those shoes, it is possible. John Adams: Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: And it makes you realize, like, okay, this is just a she's just another human, just like me, doing the same thing, trying to figure life out. Like, I can do this too. I can do what I dream of being. You know, so that's It's exciting to have that, like somebody that has the knowledge to help. Because but when I first had this idea I had no knowledge. I knew nobody. I went into this blind, I just went on a retreat. I knew nothing, you know. So I feel like in the last few years it's evolved and I've learned so much. And so now that I have those people to ask questions to. So it's it's definitely empowering for sure. John Adams: So let's let's hit one more piece of fear that I think most people don't really think about. And this might be eye-opening for a few of us, because this is really one of those fears that I think kind of is in the back of all of what we've been talking about, but we don't think about this, but it's there, right? It's not the fear of failing, maybe it is, but at the end of the day, it's what if. This works that fear of change, the fear of insert uncertaint uncertainty, right? That fear of, shit, what if this does work? Like, how am I gonna handle this? Yeah. So Crystal Nevedale: my whole life's gonna change and Yeah. John Adams: we don't think about that, but it's there. And when your brain is already going through all these other fear cycles, and you do start to inch towards, okay, I'm gonna make this happen no matter what, then this little guy that nobody talks about. Jumps in and goes, but wait, whoa, what if this does work? Are people gonna look at you and go, yeah. Crystal Nevedale: So I'm dealing with that. I'm dealing with that in a different way. So I'm dealing with it in the fact that I'd be leaving my family eventually. So that's a huge thing for me. not only leaving my family, but leaving my shop, which I love. So those are that's two big fears right there, like just letting those go if this does take off and this is what I want to do. Like I I feel like I'm just gonna let things unfold. And like I said, I have like a a year plan, a two year plan, and it's John Adams: Yeah. Yeah. Crystal Nevedale: a long way before I'm ready to move there. But I mean, it's definitely in the back of my mind 'cause I you know how big of a part I am for my grandkids. Like I love them to death. It it would just probably crush me. John Adams: I will I'll give you this because this was a gift given to me when I started this journey that I'm on right now. and I'll give it to you. And I'm maybe it doesn't pertain to you, but this will pertain to somebody listening. be careful of self-sabotage because that thing, that what if this does work? What if I have this? Now I don't have my shop anymore. This is my kind of comfort right here, right? And my grandkids and my kids, and I'm gonna be in this foreign land or wherever it's gonna be where you're gonna be running this retreat. And what if? And then we start to self-sabotage. We let Crystal Nevedale: No, I totally see that. John Adams: yeah, so not that you would do this, but I this was a gift given to me at the beginning from one of my mentors that hey. You're gonna start when this does catch, when and never, never did he ever once say if it was always when this does catch, when this takes off, be careful you don't self sabotage because you get afraid of well, what if the next step? You know, what if, you know. So that is a huge thing that I think has helped me a lot because I will tell you in my past experiences, whether it be in corporate America or whatever. I was real quick to self-sabotage because you do have that fear of man, this is getting bigger than I expected. And I we don't always have to pump the brakes. We do have to plan and make sure that we're not overstepping things, right? Anything can happen. Uncertainty is always around the corner. but Crystal Nevedale: Right. John Adams: just be very careful you don't self-sabotage in the journey, if that's truly the thing that makes you excited. Crystal Nevedale: Right. John Adams: Anything else you wanna hit on this one before we wrap it up, Crystal? Crystal Nevedale: Just do it, my friends. Just do it. I didn't even know John Adams: That's it. Yeah, yeah. What was it? Is that the Nike thing? Just do it. Crystal Nevedale: if they put Nike with maybe. If if that works for people to remember it, then by God, Nike it is. John Adams: Yeah, yeah. Just do it. Make sure if it if if like like you said earlier, if it excites you, if you have that fire, just do it. Make sure that it's one of those things that you don't let fall through the cracks. Don't self-sabotage. Stop worrying about what everybody else is gonna think if you fail. Don't think about failure. Think about the success. that's gonna come. So as always, guys, stay healthy. Crystal Nevedale: Stay balanced. John Adams: And keep driving forward. We'll see ya next time.