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255. Confidence Starts Here · Your Enriched Self

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Speaker 1: Hello, my friends from all across the globe, and welcome
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Speaker 1: to your Enriched Self Podcast. I'm your host, Mai Lee Noir.
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Speaker 1: I am an emotional wellness and empowerment coach. What that
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Speaker 1: means is I'm here for you. I'm looking out for
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Speaker 1: the places and the spaces in your life that often
0:41
Speaker 1: get overlooked, and that is what are you thinking about?
0:46
Speaker 1: Are you spending time in your thoughts? Because if you're not,
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Speaker 1: that's what this podcast is all about. I want to
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Speaker 1: unearth your thoughts with you. I want you to explore them.
0:57
Speaker 1: I want you to challenge the thinking that has left
1:01
Speaker 1: you in a space of limitation, have left you bound
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Speaker 1: into an old mindset, al way of thinking, even an
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Speaker 1: old life. It's time to emerge into becoming more of
1:14
Speaker 1: your enriched self. And that's what this podcast is all about.
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Speaker 1: If you showed up here, I don't think that was
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Speaker 1: a coincidence. I believe you were brought here on purpose,
1:26
Speaker 1: for a purpose. So if you're new here, welcome, thank
1:29
Speaker 1: you for being here. And if you are a repeat listener, listen.
1:34
Speaker 1: Without you, we wouldn't have over two hundred and fifty episodes.
1:39
Speaker 1: It's because of you. It's because of your consistency, your participation,
1:43
Speaker 1: and you sharing this podcast with friends and family. So
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Speaker 1: I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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Speaker 1: Could not have done these What is it now five
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Speaker 1: years of podcasting and you are part of that season.
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Speaker 1: So thank you, thank you, thank you. Now, if you know,
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Speaker 1: you know, before we get started with this week's episode,
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Speaker 1: one of the things I like to do is make
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Speaker 1: a deposit into the bank of you, and I do
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Speaker 1: that by way of affirmations. Affirmations are a great way
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Speaker 1: to start your day and to command your morning. And
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Speaker 1: this week's affirmation is I keep my word. I trust myself.
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Speaker 1: I grow stronger every day I keep my word. I
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Speaker 1: trust myself. I grow stronger every day. I keep my word.
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Speaker 1: I trust myself. I grow stronger every day. Now, let's
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Speaker 1: get ready for this week's episode of the Your Enriched
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Speaker 1: Self podcast. Where does confidence start? Is it one of
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Speaker 1: those things like is it the chicken that comes first
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Speaker 1: or the egg or vice versa. I really want you
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Speaker 1: to think about that question in detail. I want you
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Speaker 1: to spend time meditating on the question where does confidence start?
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Speaker 1: I really want to challenge that on this episode because
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Speaker 1: it really starts inside. It's easy to look at because
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Speaker 1: of how culture has defined confidence, and so much of
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Speaker 1: what we define and how we define ourselves and consider
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Speaker 1: ourselves and measure ourselves and sustain ourselves is through a
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Speaker 1: lens of how things are defined in culture, and oftentimes
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Speaker 1: confidence is defined as what someone has created as a measurement.
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Speaker 1: That may be the amount of degrees that you have,
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Speaker 1: or the level of degree that you have. When it
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Speaker 1: comes to education, it may be a job status or
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Speaker 1: a type of job role function where you sit on
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Speaker 1: the hierarchy. Those things may in fact define people's confidence.
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Speaker 1: And I know it's easy to look at that and go, well,
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Speaker 1: that's not real confidence. I know it isn't, and I
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Speaker 1: know you know it isn't, But so many of you
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Speaker 1: still fall for these external points of validation in culture
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Speaker 1: and life and work, etc. That give you a false
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Speaker 1: sense of confidence. An unfortunate because we are in such
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Speaker 1: a busy, robust, energetic culture where we're going against the
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Speaker 1: next thing, we're measuring ourselves against the next new thing,
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Speaker 1: we miss the opportunity to pause and to question and
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Speaker 1: to understand how we are defined in this process. And
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Speaker 1: so today I want you to understand that confidence starts
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Speaker 1: here and not necessarily here on this podcast, but here
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Speaker 1: with you. You are the definition of confidence. And let
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Speaker 1: me tell you how the most important thing you can
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Speaker 1: do with yourself is the most important thing you can
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Speaker 1: do with yourself, which is to keep your word that
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Speaker 1: holds and carries so much value, more value than anything
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Speaker 1: any validation point in culture, at work, at home, wherever
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Speaker 1: you find yourself measuring your success or your confidence in
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Speaker 1: that environment. I'm here to let you know that keeping
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Speaker 1: your word is key because every time you follow through
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Speaker 1: with a promise you've made to yourself, keep in mind
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Speaker 1: a promise you made to yourself, not someone else. And
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Speaker 1: oftentimes these promises are in the most inconvenient, most difficult
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Speaker 1: seasons of your life or of your journey. And when
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Speaker 1: you keep that and make that promise to yourself and
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Speaker 1: you keep your word, what you are essentially doing is
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Speaker 1: you are depositing into your own account, into your own
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Speaker 1: life account, into your confidence bank. Because confidence is not
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Speaker 1: something you're going to find in the world you're not well.
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Speaker 1: Let me tell you what culture will give you false
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Speaker 1: definitions of where you can define and find confidence. But
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Speaker 1: I'm here to tell you what you really need to
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Speaker 1: be finding is the something that you will build, that
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Speaker 1: will build the next version of you, the version of
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Speaker 1: you that wants to emerge, needs that word. It needs
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Speaker 1: you to say a word about what you're going to
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Speaker 1: do and keep the word about what you're going to do.
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Speaker 1: And that's what I want to talk about today. I've
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Speaker 1: mentioned this and I've had conversation about this before, in
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Speaker 1: the sense that you are the most powerful voice you
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Speaker 1: will ever hear out in the world. I know a
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Speaker 1: lot of people have trauma from teachers and preachers and
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Speaker 1: family members and parents and siblings and bosses, and the
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Speaker 1: list goes on of how people have implanted their limitations
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Speaker 1: on you. They're worried, they're concern they're fragments of life.
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Speaker 1: They've put those on you, and you, in turn have
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Speaker 1: now carried this as a burden, because it is a burden.
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Speaker 1: It's not light what people throw at you and subject
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Speaker 1: at you. And those words are planted. They're seeds that
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Speaker 1: can be planted if you allow them. And that's how
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Speaker 1: this circle of life can go for you if you
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Speaker 1: are not aware and careful. But even with all those
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Speaker 1: voices that come about in your life at various stages
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Speaker 1: in your life, in various spaces in your life. The
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Speaker 1: most important voice you will hear, and that will matter
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Speaker 1: most at the end of the day, the end of
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Speaker 1: the week, the end of the month, the year, the
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Speaker 1: end of your life. It's going to be the things
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Speaker 1: you said to yourself. Did you keep those words, did
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Speaker 1: you honor them? Because every promise that you make to
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Speaker 1: yourself is a vote to the person you are becoming.
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Speaker 1: When you tell yourself you're going to do something and
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Speaker 1: you do it, you have reinforced your identity. I'll be
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Speaker 1: the first one to say there was a period in
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Speaker 1: my life where it was very challenging. I felt like
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Speaker 1: I couldn't finish anything. I felt like I had a
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Speaker 1: lot of unfinished business with myself, and it made me
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Speaker 1: feel bad about myself. And oftentimes these were big things
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Speaker 1: that I was trying to bite off and chew and
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Speaker 1: go do and it was overwhelming for me. And I
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Speaker 1: would then go back and say, I knew you couldn't
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Speaker 1: do it. You know again, these are the things that
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Speaker 1: you say to yourself. These are the promises, these are
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Speaker 1: the words, These are the things that build the next
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Speaker 1: version of you, the person that you're becoming. So what
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Speaker 1: I had to do this is me personally. I had
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Speaker 1: to create milestones that were not as big. They had
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Speaker 1: more mini milestones, things I can say I would do
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Speaker 1: and go do them, and say I would do and
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Speaker 1: go do them, and keep that rhythm and that momentum
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Speaker 1: until it's snowballed into me doing the things, the big things,
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Speaker 1: saying that I would do them and getting them done.
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Speaker 1: Those things really changed and reinforced my identity. And as
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Speaker 1: I mentioned, it doesn't have to be big things. I
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Speaker 1: actually I would recommend if you were like me, and
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Speaker 1: I still have moments of things that I want to
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Speaker 1: finish and I haven't completed yet. But if you are
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Speaker 1: and were like me, I encourage you to find the
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Speaker 1: little things. It doesn't have to be big things that
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Speaker 1: you can say you will do and do them. I'll
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Speaker 1: give you an example. I wanted to get better at
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Speaker 1: reading my Bible, and I remember I would try to
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Speaker 1: go into chapters upon chapters and do all the things.
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Speaker 1: And then I realized I can just work on a
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Speaker 1: five day devotional. And in working on that five day devotional,
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Speaker 1: it led me to scriptures, It led me to conversations,
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Speaker 1: It led me to understanding, It led me to doing
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Speaker 1: different ways to study the Bible and not just read
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Speaker 1: a chapter, or it could just simply be reading a
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Speaker 1: chapter right, making a phone call, deciding I'm gonna make
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Speaker 1: sure that I get enough rest every night, so I'm
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Speaker 1: gonna go to bed by this time. Listen, make it small.
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Speaker 1: It matters because every follow through says to you, to you,
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Speaker 1: to you, I am someone that does what I say.
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Speaker 1: That's powerful. And as you do that, you are building
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Speaker 1: your integrity through these repetitive moments, and that's beautiful. The
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Speaker 1: next thing is follow through. Follow Through matters, especially in
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Speaker 1: the seasons when it is most difficult, especially in the
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Speaker 1: moments where you don't want to get up early in
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Speaker 1: the morning to go to the gym, you don't want
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Speaker 1: to train for that race, you don't want to save
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Speaker 1: the money. Listen, those are the moments where follow through
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Speaker 1: matters most. I remember really early in my fitness journey,
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Speaker 1: before I committed to a gym, committed to doing anything,
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Speaker 1: I told myself, if you can spend twenty minutes a
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Speaker 1: day just doing something to get your movement happening, that
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Speaker 1: tells me that you're ready to do something serious. And
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Speaker 1: so I first started walking, and then I decided, okay,
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Speaker 1: now I'm gonna start going to the gym, and so
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Speaker 1: much so, there were moments or days where I would
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Speaker 1: not wake up on time, cause again, I was doing
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Speaker 1: my own thing, right. I wasn't in a environment or
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Speaker 1: a club or a gym membership. I had a gym membership,
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Speaker 1: but it was a solo membership, right. I wasn't in
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Speaker 1: like a fitness class or a boot camp or something
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Speaker 1: like that. And so I would wake up and I
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Speaker 1: would have maybe thirty minutes between getting myself to the
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Speaker 1: gym and back and getting myself ready for their workday.
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Speaker 1: And I committed to even if you got twenty minutes
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Speaker 1: of workout in twenty minutes on a treadmill, whatever, that
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Speaker 1: tells me something about you. That tells me that you
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Speaker 1: are not going to negotiate or discount the importance of
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Speaker 1: of your fitness journey. And it started with just making
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Speaker 1: that commitment, like I don't care what time you get up,
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Speaker 1: but you're gonna commit twenty minutes a day minimum to
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Speaker 1: this experience. Those moments matter, Those were tough moments. I
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Speaker 1: am not the person I am now where I am
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Speaker 1: committed to getting up a little bit earlier than I
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Speaker 1: did at that time. To go to the gym. But again,
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Speaker 1: those moments matter, right, The moments when you're tired, the
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Speaker 1: moments when you're discouraged because you're looking at the scale,
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Speaker 1: you're looking at the mirror, you're looking at whatever, and
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Speaker 1: you're realizing you're not seeing the progress you want. Those
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Speaker 1: are the moments. That's what I'm talking about. That's when
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Speaker 1: follow through matters, and the most important moments are the
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Speaker 1: moments you don't feel like it. And I've said it
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Speaker 1: before and I'll say it again, do not trust your feelings.
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Speaker 1: Your feelings will one hundred percent of the time let
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Speaker 1: you down. They're not honest with you. Feelings are in
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Speaker 1: the moment with you. But if you take those moments
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Speaker 1: in life and you keep your word to yourself, you
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Speaker 1: begin to strengthen the trust in yourself because what you
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Speaker 1: have done in those difficult, challenging moments is that you
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Speaker 1: proved your commitment was greater than your feelings or your emotions,
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Speaker 1: and that amounts to a lot. Discipline is the key
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Speaker 1: factor here. I also say consistency because it's going to
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Speaker 1: remember what you wanted after the feeling has left, so
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Speaker 1: after you get over and not wanting to do it,
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Speaker 1: your discipline and your willingness to come back and do
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Speaker 1: it again is going to be what you remember over
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Speaker 1: those feelings that you have. So bury the feelings, focus
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Speaker 1: on the discipline. And the last thing I will say
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Speaker 1: about confidence, Where does confidence start? It is the result
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Speaker 1: when you do this, and you do this repetitively, and
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Speaker 1: you do this consistently, the result you get is self trust.
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Speaker 1: And that's a beautiful thing. I know. We talk about
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Speaker 1: trust as a currency in relationships. You have a relationship
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Speaker 1: with yourself, and while you're out there looking for confidence,
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Speaker 1: if you have it within you, you don't have to
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Speaker 1: look too far. And that's why we get into these
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Speaker 1: scams and we get into these you know, ideation sessions
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Speaker 1: of how you can get confidence by doing this and
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Speaker 1: doing that, and we lose the fact that we are
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Speaker 1: where it starts. And so confidence starts here with me,
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Speaker 1: with you right. What you're missing and the reason why
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Speaker 1: you're looking elsewhere out there is the trust. And when
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Speaker 1: you work on keeping your word and you create that confidence,
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Speaker 1: you leave in your bank of life, you leave a
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Speaker 1: deposit of trust. And so when your confidence grows, that
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Speaker 1: means you now have evidence that you can depend on
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Speaker 1: you isn't that a beautiful thing? Having the confidence the
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Speaker 1: knowledge that I can depend on me because I will
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Speaker 1: get it done. So I want you to ask yourself
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Speaker 1: a couple of questions. Can you trust your own word?
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Speaker 1: Do you believe when you make a commitment. The quickest
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Speaker 1: way for you to build confidence is to keep your
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Speaker 1: promises one day at a time. I would even say
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Speaker 1: one moment at a time, when scenario at a time.
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Speaker 1: Imagine telling yourself, I want to get more active in
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Speaker 1: my physical fitness, and you go into this big, grandiose
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Speaker 1: plan of joining a gym and starting on Monday and
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Speaker 1: doing all the things, and then Monday comes and it
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Speaker 1: doesn't happen. You start removing these confidence deposits out of
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Speaker 1: your account. You're not left with trust, and Monday after Monday,
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Speaker 1: you keep telling yourself, I'm going to join, I'm going
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Speaker 1: to join. And then one day you decide, after listening
20:09
Speaker 1: to this podcast, after keeping it very simple, I'm gonna
20:14
Speaker 1: get off work and I'm gonna take a ten minute
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Speaker 1: walk down the street in my neighborhood. I have my
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Speaker 1: tennis shoes, I know where they are. I'm not gonna
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Speaker 1: go too far away from getting to the door. Knowing
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Speaker 1: where my shoes are, putting them on, and taking a
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Speaker 1: ten minute walk right after I get off work. And
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Speaker 1: you make that ten minute walk, maybe you make a
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Speaker 1: five minute walk, right how about keeping it super simple.
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Speaker 1: What will happen is that five minute will turn into
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Speaker 1: the ten minute, and the ten will the twenty and
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Speaker 1: so on and so forth, and before you know it,
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Speaker 1: you've built momentum. Now you've built trust with yourself that
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Speaker 1: I said I would do a thing, and now I
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Speaker 1: am doing a thing, And now you're left with confidence.
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Speaker 1: It starts right there with you honoring your word to yourself,
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Speaker 1: trusting yourself, following through, keeping the promises. Those are the
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Speaker 1: things that are going to strengthen you. Those are the
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Speaker 1: things that are going to strengthen the relationship you have
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Speaker 1: with yourself, most importantly in those moments, especially in those
21:36
Speaker 1: moments when life can be difficult. I hope you enjoyed
21:49
Speaker 1: this week's episode of the Urine Ritsup Podcast. And the
21:52
Speaker 1: only way I'm going to know this is if you
21:54
Speaker 1: leave me some feedback. Feedback is a gift and it
21:57
Speaker 1: is free to give. And I would like to hear
21:59
Speaker 1: from you. I would like to know what resonated with
22:02
Speaker 1: you regarding this week's episode. Now here's how you leave
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Speaker 1: five star rating. But in all seriousness, when you get there,
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Speaker 1: to the last three to five people that you spoke
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Speaker 1: so you can showcase your friends and families and those
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Speaker 1: in the social streets what you're listening to and what's
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Speaker 1: feeding you mind, body and spirit. I also want you
23:14
Speaker 1: to check out the show notes in the show notes,
23:16
Speaker 1: we have the affirmation of the week, the quote of
23:18
Speaker 1: the week, and there you can also find my Amazon shop.
23:23
Speaker 1: The Your Rich Self shop has two items right now,
23:27
Speaker 1: a journal which is the Show Up Everyday Journal, as
23:31
Speaker 1: well as the Show Up Everyday Notebook, So check those
23:35
Speaker 1: out in my Amazon shops. And finally, take what you
23:39
Speaker 1: can from this episode and do what you must in
23:42
Speaker 1: the next one hundred and sixty eight hours so that
23:45
Speaker 1: you can become more of your enriched self until we
23:51
Speaker 1: meet again.