Latest / The Inner Wealth Podcast / Ep267. Unleash Yourself, Part 1: Stop Playing Defense With Your Life and Move Beyond What's Familiar.

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Ep267. Unleash Yourself, Part 1: Stop Playing Defense With Your Life and Move Beyond What's Familiar. · The Inner Wealth Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You guys know if you followed along at all, either on YouTube, on uh Apple Podcasts, Spotify, whatever platform you're using, if if you followed along, you know I like to mix it up every once in a while.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've gone on uh walks, I've had Angie on and off, I've had uh I've had other guests, I've done speaking engagements I put on here.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I like to mix it up a little bit.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And today I got something a little extra special for you.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Over what, August 28th and 29th, we had a workshop and it was about going on offense in life.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if I were to reframe and retitle it, because I the the title, the active title was Built to Give, Rebuild the Receive, but learning how to receive the best of life.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: But if I were to retitle it, it would just be unleash yourself.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we did for two days.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: We we talked about how to unleash in the world.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: And what it required is the first day, we we learned what playing defense in life meant.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it was all about nervous system work and understanding the role of your nervous system to keep you alive and it tries to keep you alive by keeping you in familiar circumstances.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: So it's going to create discomfort so that you back up and so that you ultimately you uh you retreat in life when something new and unfamiliar starts to show up, that you actually like sabotage it and move back.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the that's the nervous system's tactics and strategy to try to keep you alive, right?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually trying to serve you, but it doesn't care if we're wealthy or successful or happy or fulfilled or or anything.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: It all it cares about is keeping us alive.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: But we've got to learn how to work with the nervous system and go into and through the discomfort that is eventual and and constant in expansion of our lives.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the first day was all about defense and learning how to do that and tools to navigate that.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: The second day was all about going on offense.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And the first thing going on offense requires is having a vision for your life.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you haven't experienced or listened to episode 265, it was two weeks ago.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was all about learning the difference between offense and defense.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And if I were you, I would just go back to that episode and and kind of go back and refresh yourself, right?
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: But what I did is in the workshop, the introduction for the first day and the introduction for the second day, I recorded them with the intent of having not just content, but being able to share these with my students, my mastermind students, my private clients, to give them, you know, in another layer or another level of training to help them understand kind of the role of their nervous system and how to how to shift from playing defense to playing offense in the world.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: So this today, what we're gonna focus on is uh the first day and playing defense.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And this is about a, I don't know, 35, 40 minute video, or depending on your platform, video, audio.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: If if you have, there are some slides in the uh in the in the workshop in in this uh video that are are there.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if you haven't gone to my YouTube channel, Mike Titco Innerwealth, if you haven't gone to my my YouTube channel and subscribed, please give me give me a subscription, uh, subscribe, give me uh some some likes, help help boost uh the output and and the the reach of my my YouTube channel.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, might be a little challenging because and and even on YouTube, because there's some questions in the audience that are asked every once in a while, and I didn't have them mic'd up.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's really low.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't do a great job of going back and and repeating the question.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: So do the best you can, follow along.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: The content, what you can hear, what you can access is very super powerful.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: It'll it'll absolutely, no matter what level of game and what no matter what level of life you're playing, it will absolutely help you and benefit you.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, it's go on offense.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Going on offense is the fun part of life.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: But if you really look at it, most people are playing defense, and they're just defense is all about just trying to keep everything that you have together and not trying to lose while playing offense is and prevent negative circumstances and consequences where going on offense is about expanding and experiencing more of life.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope you enjoyed today's episode on playing defense.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something missing in your life?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever feel the need to escape your business?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Are you running your life or is your life running yours?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Mike Kitko, and I'll help you design and create a life so authentic and aligned with who you really are, you'll get excited just to wake up.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'll help you create real wealth, accepts, and freedom from the inside out.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Inner Wealth Podcast, where we learn and choose to live inspired each and every day.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: The question is, are are we playing offense or defense?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I never want you guys to ever do anything without asking that question to yourself.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Am I playing offense or am I playing defense?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: The really, really wealthy and successful people playing offense.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean they're playing offense in all areas of their lives.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: I work with, I work with a lot of uh successful people that have money, but they have problems at home with their their spouse or or their kids.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So they're in in some cases, they're playing defense in one area, but you might be seeing the offense that they're playing in the world, but secretly they're playing defense somewhere else.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it's all it's about inspecting all of the uh all of the parts and all of the aspects of life and say, where am I, not because nobody's playing offense full out.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I playing offense and where am I playing defense?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: And kind of shining a light on it.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: One of the reasons that Katie's income started going up is she started playing offense.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: She was playing defense, she was playing not to lose, and then she started playing offense.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And when you start playing offense, it's crazy how things start to expand.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: So the question that we want to keep coming back to is are we playing offense in that whatever we're doing in that moment?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Am I playing offense or am I playing defense?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're not here to play defense.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: The reality of this thing, the truth is, you are gonna fucking die.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: But most people just try to stay secure until they take their last breath.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: They try to, they they they grip on for dear life, bank account, right?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Business, all this stuff.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: They're gripping for dear life, and then they die.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And to me, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: What I want to do is I want to enjoy uh money, I want to enjoy travel, I want to enjoy my life, I want a better sex life, awesome sex life, I want to I want to be on the receiving end of life.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that requires being on offense, asking for what we want, being willing to receive what we want.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: But the the thing is with defense, defense is all about avoidance.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: On a football team, football field, if you're playing defense, you're trying to keep the other team out of the end zone, right?
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's about avoiding.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Defense is about avoiding.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: Offense is about experiencing.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Offense is about expanding.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the foundation for the next two days.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: In order to receive, we must be willing to go on offense.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Brad, we got to ask for what we want.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: We got to be willing to to to to to appear selfish.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: We got to be willing to feel selfish, if, again, we'll talk more about that.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: But we got to worry, stop worrying about what's happening out here and start like, you know, start embracing some healthy selfishness.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not always gonna feel good.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's the that's the key piece of this.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's not always gonna feel good.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: The the Nashville experience.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: So Morgan was sitting on the couch with her knees up to her chest, and she had a pillow, and and she's gripping it, and she's quiet, and she used to talk really low.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And she couldn't, in that moment, she couldn't make herself small enough, and and she couldn't talk low enough, and she didn't want to be heard or didn't want to be seen.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: You could see it.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Her body was like racing for impact, and her body was trying to get small, and she was trying to stay quiet.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck that.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Morgan, get in the middle of the room, and we're all there, right?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Get in the middle of the room, and she's like, and I said, open your hands up, and she's like, right?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: True?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: We watched it.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: We watched it, right?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, because you know, now she's in the middle of the room and I'm being seen.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, and I said, What do you deserve?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, reality, she's like, I deserve nothing, right?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: But I said, What do you deserve?
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Say something you deserve, and she said it really timidly, and and then I I deserve love.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Say it louder, I deserve love.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: And over the course of about half an hour, 45 minutes, she was like, I deserve love, and she's screaming, but it was uncomfortable, guys.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: The nervous system, your nervous system has mastermind students, don't say anything.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Don't answer.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: The nervous system has one job and one job only.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: No, keep you alive.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: There's a distinction.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Keep you alive.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll I'll go more into that.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: How does it try to keep you alive?
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to keep you in familiar circumstances.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Why does it try to keep you in familiar circumstances?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's proven to be able to keep you alive there.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Does your nervous system care if you're wealthy?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Does it care if you're successful?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Does it care if you're loved?
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Does it care if you're making an impact in the world?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't care about any of that.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system cares about one thing and one thing only, and that's trying to keep you alive.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: When you understand, this is why I say the biology of success, right?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: The science of success.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Some people have a healthier relationship with their nervous system, and some people allow their nervous system to control them.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the difference between playing offense or defense.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Going on offense is uncomfortable.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: Going on offense is uncomfortable.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't feel good all the time.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: And if if you're just waking up every day to just try to feel comfortable, you're playing defense.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: The reason Morgan now is doing yoga teaching is because she finally allowed herself to be seen, to raise her voice, to have a voice, and she started taking up more space in the world.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's what that but but first we had to break through some of the limits in her nervous system.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because her nervous system, her capacity to be seen, her capacity to raise her voice was really small.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And and and this was familiar.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm just gonna keep I'm gonna keep doing this because this is familiar.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And do something different.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because her nervous system's like, no, I don't know how to keep you alive there.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how to keep you alive in the middle of the room with your arms up.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: So go sit fucking back down.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like back up, retreat, retreat, retreat.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Defense.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So she advanced.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: I made her.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: I made her.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: But I kept, I I kept like pushing the limits, like as far as she would let me go.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: And she kept letting me go.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and and then I then we had another guy that was there, and he's walking around the outside of Morgan, and he's like, he's doing some things to grow as well in Morgan, and and it was awesome.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And both of them are fucking like struggling to do something different because their nervous system was like, I don't know how to keep you alive here.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Does this make sense?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Have you guys ever heard growth or comfort?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can't have both because offense is uncomfortable.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Buying a buying an Airbnb when your when your daughter goes to school or short-term rental, but buying a short-term rental just just in a in a new location, that's offense, man.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I guarantee you that that Joe probably had some questions.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, is this really okay?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Am I doing the right thing?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: What if, what if XYZ, XYZ, defense, defense, defense, defense.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: And growth requires moving on to offense and being uncomfortable.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: Does this make sense?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the question.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Offense or defense?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I would say it's it's still uncomfortable every time.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like a little bit less.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's not just like Murray.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's uh process.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's uh it's processing.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Are we clear what we're here for?
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Today is about defense.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow's about offense.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: All right?
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: But today, and guys, I don't know if we're gonna end at five, I don't know if we're gonna end at two, I don't know if we're gonna end at 11.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: We'll go until we're done.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: But today is all about understanding where we're playing defense in the world.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And tomorrow we focus on offense.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why this workshop's different, it's gonna be different that we're not doing clarity, certainty, commitment.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: This one's different.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is all today's all about exploring and identifying where we're playing defense in life.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the more you guys share, the better everyone will grow, the more everybody will grow.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't have bad people in my life.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're here, you can trust everybody else with your truth and what's happening and what's really going on in your life, because nobody's gonna hurt you.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because if they if they had any intention to hurt you, they wouldn't be in this room.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't have those people in my life.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: Make sense?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: So the more honest we are with each other, the more we share, the more we're open, the better everyone's gonna get.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: All right, sharing is where the magic happens in this room.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Are we clear?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: So November 17th, 1992, I went to Marine Corps boot camp.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that happened because there was it was like January or February of '92.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd I I was in a I was making$7 an hour,$7.50, no,$7 an hour as a as a draftsman in an engineering company, and I hated that job, and I'm I'm not a technical guy, but I I my life was going nowhere.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: I was 20 years old, my life was going absolutely nowhere.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: And there were no prospects of anything else.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: I hadn't gone to school yet.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: I think I had taken a class, but it was like it was an identity crisis.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea what I was gonna do.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: But one day I woke up and I was like, yeah, I'm gonna join the Marine Corps.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: I never had that thought before.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: So it happened pretty quickly.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: I went and went to the recruiter's office and I signed up, and you know, it was like within a week, I think I was I was you know taking the test or whatever, the ASVAB.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, the point being is I was okay with Marine Corps boot camp from January or February, whatever it was, all the way until November.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: I was okay with that.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: But man, getting on that fucking bus, holy mother of God, was it scary?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Holy mother of God.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and and we're gonna talk more about how how this is, you know, how this shows up later.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: But the point being is the close, the closer you get to the recruit depot, the the more scared, the more anxious I was.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: And everybody on that bus, I mean, you could have you could have heard a pin drop.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: There was a bunch of guys on this bus, and there was nobody talking.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's scared shitless.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you get off the bus, this is what happens.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: You never have one Marine screaming at you.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's two, sometimes it's three, sometimes it's four, sometimes it's five.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And and the thing is they gang up on you.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when one person's, when one Marine starts yelling at somebody, they all who're at every angle.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: And one's telling you to sit down, one's telling you to stand up, one's telling you to get dressed, one's telling you to take your clothes off, one's telling you to freaking scream louder, one's telling you to shut up.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's literally no way to win.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not why they're there.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: They don't care if you're winning.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: They're not even trying to give you a chance to win.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, any idea what they're what they're trying to do?
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: I would say it does break people, but that's not their intent.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what they're after.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: They're trying, they, they have, they're trying to get as many recruits across the finish line as possible.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: But they're also trying to make Marines.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: And they've got two goals in mind.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Marines have two goals.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Marine leaders and and recruit uh recruit training has two goals in mind mission accomplishment and keeping the blood in your body.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: The goal of the Marine Corps.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: Win the mission and keep the blood in your body.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: And in order to do that, it gets really uncomfortable.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I don't care about your comfort, I care about keeping the blood in your body and mission accomplishment.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know why they're screaming at you like that?
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Any idea?
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Think about Morgan.
• 18:09
  unknown: Uncomfortable.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be really uncomfortable because there's fucking chaos, right?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: So they simulate chaos.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: And they simulate a situation that you're out of control, you can't possibly control, and they're exposing all the anxiety from stress-related chaos in your body.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: And they do that for 90 days.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: And on the last day, the first day when this happens, I mean, it's like you're just a fucking nervous wreck and you have no idea what to do, and you're all over the place, and you're trying to, you're trying to listen to these guys, and that's you're not gonna win.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're not there for that.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: They're there to make you really fucking uncomfortable.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: 90 days later, they do the same thing and it doesn't even move you.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: 90 days later, it doesn't even move you.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: They do the same thing, and you're kind of like inside, you're kind of laughing.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: You guys are fucking idiots.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because now you've experienced nervous system expansion where nervous system has one job and one job only, keep you alive, tries to keep you alive by keeping you in familiar circumstances, and tries to keep you in familiar circumstances because it knows how to keep you alive there.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: So on the last day, shit's all familiar now, and it doesn't move you.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you laugh at them, like literally, there were recruits that just laughed at these guys, like, you guys are fucking idiots.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't really laugh at them, but you start to smirk and like, why the fuck are you laughing at?
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't even move you.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because now you're reconditioned and you've changed the limits of your nervous system and what you can handle.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: And Angie's not here, but in the middle of the night, if something happens and there's a sound in the house, I'm up and I'm moving towards it because that shit doesn't bother me.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: I can maintain calm, I can maintain my bearings in chaos, and that's the whole point is to recondition you and your identity and your ability to handle chaos and still be okay.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I believe that I can handle things that most people can't, and I'll point it, I'll point that back to that.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's why.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because the nervous system can handle the pressure, the stress, and still kind of maintain some focus.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: It was the scariest friggin' thing, one of the scariest things I've ever done in my life.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: But that's why Marine recruits, scared little boys walk into recruit training and Marines walk out.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why, that's why you see, you can see in a in a in a Marine's posture, you can see that they're a Marine without them even telling you.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because you carry yourself differently.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because the world can't move you the way it moves some other people.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can say things that need to be said, you can speak your truth, you can do things that some people can't because you know how to handle that discomfort.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: A couple years ago, Angie said, What do you want to do for your birthday?
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Let's go skydiving.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: Never, never jumped out of a plane before.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: I said, let's go, let's go skydiving.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: And just like just like the Marine Corps when we said, Hey, we're gonna go, I was good.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is gonna be awesome.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: The closer it got, then anxiety started.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I was even on the ground and we were being trained or whatever, and and I felt okay.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like guy said, Are you, you know, you you scared yet?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, not yet, but I'm sure it's coming.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: I I knew it was coming.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, we're so you know, the we're the guy, my my tandem guy is behind me and he's training me, and and he starts to, you know, we start, he starts to show me and talked about about, and and Angie had hers and I had mine.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And he starts to talk about how we're gonna do this and what this experience is gonna be like, and what what's my role.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's his role?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: And he's kind of, you know, all this stuff.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I was good.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, he's scared.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no, I'm good for now.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Started walking towards the plane, started feeling a little anxious.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Plane took off, started to feel a little more anxiety.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Closer we got, 18,000 feet, highest tandem in the world.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because Angie said they were they offered 14, 16, and 18.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or was it 12?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, they they offered three.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: And she was gonna go for the middle one.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, if we're going up on a fucking plane, why are we gonna, why, why are we gonna play defense when we're already freaking getting ready to jump out of a plane?
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: Why not just go for the big one?
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: So we went for the 18,000, highest tandem in the world.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: And and the more the higher that plane went, the fucking more scared I was.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: And all I can say is there were two lights, and it was my birthday.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: It was literally the day of my birth.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I was the first one out.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: They were gonna make sure I was the first one out.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: There were two lights on the plane.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'll talk about that in a second.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: So my tandem guy's behind me, and we're going up, and he's got an altimeter on, and he keeps checking his altimeter.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: And all I know is what I remember is he at one point he reached, he reached over me and went and tightened be in.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: In the Marine Corps, we called it nuts to butt, right?
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Boom, now we're nuts to butt.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, holy shit.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: And then the anxiety really started kicking up.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: And there were two lights on the plane.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: One said uh no go, and one said GTFO, get the fuck out.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: And when that light turned green, I went, and it was like my whole body went numb.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Literally.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now Angie had a little bit of a different experience.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: A lot, a lot of bit of a different experience, but my body went numb.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: And this, my, my tandem guy was about this tall.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're walking, it's awkward.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, dude, I'm a big boy.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: But when when when we were going to the plane, I literally like my my my body was kind of numb.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_00: My my nervous system was in full fight, flight, fight, flight, or freeze response.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: My body was literally fucking numb.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: And Angie, Angie saw me, like trying to pick my legs up.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, don't let me fucking not do this.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: I told my guy, you get me out, get my ass out of the plane.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: We're jumping.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then we jumped and I blacked out for five seconds.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sensory overload.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: No shit.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: For five seconds, I blacked out.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: When we came to, when I came to, it was like, awesome.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: But holy shit, was my body trying not to fucking jump out that plane?
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because the nervous system has one job and one job only.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's to keep you alive.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And tries to keep you alive by keeping you in familiar circumstances and tries to keep you in familiar circumstances because it's proven to be able to keep you alive there.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: And now you're doing something unfamiliar and it's going to be really uncomfortable.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the re it was a 90-second free fall or something like that.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was a long time.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: It was a long free fall.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then we had 10 minutes like of floating.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: And all I can tell you is it was such a beautiful experience, and it was so awesome after I came back too, and I was like in the zone.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was so awesome that I forgot there was going to be a freaking parachute.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am not shitting you.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: So when that parachute opened, it actually surprised me.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: It shocked me because like it's the most present you will ever be.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't worry about the past, you don't worry about the future because of all the sensory experience that you're having, right?
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: But you don't even think, I didn't even think about splatten.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: All I knew is I was enjoying the pr the the the experience so much that when that chute came open, I was like, holy shit, I forgot about that.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, because I I wasn't thinking about it.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then we floated for 10 minutes.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: It was awesome.
• 25:59
  unknown: I want to do it again.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I was the first on the ground, and as she came down, she's like, again, again, again, again.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: And and and I mean, she just she loved the whole thing.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna be a sample next week.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe go do it again.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: Is this starting to click?
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this guy, first of all, this is probably, I would say, I'm most envious about this guy in the world.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if I would trade places with anybody, it would be him.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you why.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: He's from New Zealand, he's got long hair.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: The dude was freaking hot.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: He was a professional skydiver.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that dude chases nothing.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 26:46
  unknown: I don't know.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: What's that?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: The point being is I'm looking at this guy going, man, I want your life.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Holy shit.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: But when he jumps out of the plane, do you think any emotion moves in his body?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: He jumps out eight times a day.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: His body is so used to it, it's so familiar that he's like, right?
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: You ever seen any reels where somebody just walks up to the edge of a plane and goes like that?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's because their body is so familiar with it that there's no danger in there.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: There's no threat.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: The threat's gone.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: They've refamiliarized their body or they've familiarized their body with all of that experience, so now their nervous system doesn't fire off.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: But we gotta be willing to go.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: Playing offense means kick my ass out of the fucking plane.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let me back up.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: That can help playing defense.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: Growth or comfort.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: New things are gonna be uncomfortable.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: There it is.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: The Speedo experience.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Ever since I was a little boy, I've had had a lot of body shame.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: Always worried about how my body looked and how people perceived my body.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: And we'd go on vacation, and I was worried about being on the beach and everybody looking at me.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: I put a shirt on as quickly as I could.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't matter if I was big, didn't matter if I was skinny, didn't matter if I was uh fit.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: Even after the Marine Corps, right?
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: Come home from boot camp.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm 185 pounds.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: I got like, but there's this flab and this ring that I had, you know, from when I was a kid.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I was ashamed of my body and I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 18 years old.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't ask girls out on dates because, you know, who's gonna want this?
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: There was just so much body shame.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: So right before the retreat, I said, How can I, how can I challenge them to do what I challenge Morgan to do?
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: How can I do that?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta do something that's so freaking radical for me to show them and be the be the freaking example.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: So they had no idea what was coming, but at the front of the room I said, hey, I've I'm not told them this story about my body shame.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, So today, today I take control of this thing.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Today I stopped letting my relationship with my body run my life because it literally had run my life up to that point.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: And they had no idea, and and my my voice was shaking, and I started getting anxious, and I started, you could see me shaking, and I took off my clothes and I said, I gotta get through this.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: And for the next hour, I was standing in front of them in a speedhoe teaching.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: And by the end of the hour, the shaking stopped.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the quivering in my voice stopped.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I was teaching like I was fully clothed.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because the nervous system has one job and one job only, is to keep you alive.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Tries to keep you alive by keeping you in familiar circumstances.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because it knows how it's proven to be able to keep you alive there.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: You're not happy, right?
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: Never had a girlfriend until freaking your 20s, but you're alive.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't care if you're happy.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if you're loved.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care about any of that.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: I just care that you're alive.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: Is this making sense?
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: Going on offense is not allowing the nervous system to control you and knowing that in order to go on offense, we're gonna have to do things or say things or be things or appear certain ways that are probably gonna challenge your comfort and your identity and who you are.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: But when, not if, but when the new thing makes you uncomfortable, so what do you do in that moment?
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: You move forward or do you back up?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Offense or defense?
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: And offense requires going into and through the discomfort.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Into and through.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because it will happen.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Expansion is going to challenge the nervous system because it's new, growth is new, and in that moment when you're uncomfortable, you get to decide if you are the master of your life, if you back up or if you move forward.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: But if you are not the master of your life, your nervous system gets you to back up.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not a choice.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: You see a lot of people struggling in this world because as soon as something's uncomfortable, they back up.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: They retreat.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: They don't ask for what they want, they don't expect what they want, they don't make the offers, right?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: They back up as soon as it's uncomfortable because it's different.
• 31:28
  unknown: Okay?
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: Does it make sense?
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we're here.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: And growth requires discomfort.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: But first, we need to understand where we're playing on defense.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because there are areas in your in your life right now, in all of our lives, there are areas where we're playing defense.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: But we gotta, we gotta see where that is.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: We we gotta identify it, right?
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: And other people can probably see it, but you gotta see it in yourself.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I work with Lucas Walls and I've worked with you know Brian Schroeder and I've worked with Sam Prim and all these guys, right?
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that they're they're not comfortable.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's that they get uncomfortable and they move forward.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: They just don't let that discomfort, right?
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: And we were in here at a retreat one time, and Lucas Walls was sitting over here, and and he said, and he said, I want to buy this house XYZ.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, What when are you gonna do it?
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: And he went, It was like I was challenging him.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was kind of like pressing, you know, for him to go and do what he wanted and say what he wanted, and it started making him uncomfortable, right?
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I saw the limits of his nervous system at that moment.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: I got to see, and because he you could see his discomfort.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: That meant he was at the capacity, he was at the limits of his nervous system.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: And from there, we just worked to expand him.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: Then he bought his house, whatever he, whatever he was buying at that time.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: The world will show you the limits of your nervous system.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: The world will show you the limits of our nervous system.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: In that moment, that's a good thing because now you get to see where expansion is possible.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: All right, is this making sense?
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I call it the biology of success or the science of success.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_00: Some people keep doing the same thing over and over, hoping for things to expand, but it's all because the expansion is uncomfortable.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't have a picture of it here, but Jen and Rob, Jason, Morgan wasn't quite with us yet, but they saw something happen in our business that showed my capacity, my nervous system capacity.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because fear of visibility, fear of being seen, fear of like I I wrote a the imposter in charge because I didn't feel like I had any value in the world, right?
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: And what I've always wanted is to be loved, I've always wanted to be admired, I've always wanted to be wanted, I've always wanted to be celebrated and to make a positive impact in people's lives.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: I want all those things.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: I've always wanted them.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've always wanted that that's why I was a Marine Corps leader, corporate executive, because I wanted to be an authority and have other people's lives improve because of it.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I also wanted the benefits of being seen that way.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: So we're down, I have a series of workshops just like this, and my mastermind starts growing.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point, it went from 20 people, we had 75 people in there, right?
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: And we're down at our retreat in Miami.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: Guys were there.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're at the retreat in Miami.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: Jason was there.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's right.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm in this room, and everybody's wearing inner wealth shirts, and I'm I'm looking, and they're all happy and laughing.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_00: And my nervous system said, This is too much.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: Too much exposure, too much love, too much admiration.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't safe.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how to keep you alive here.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: So literally, when we came home, it's like and then we got back down to where I was before before all the goodness started happening.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: So funny story going back to that because I got way more in Napa, California.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_01: We were on our back patio of our Airbnb, and in literally five minutes, we lost$10,000 revenue.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like literally.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I just sat there and I was I was after after right when it started happening, I remember I remember breaking it.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: We were in Dallas at a speaking event or something, and I remember waking up in the bathroom at 2 a.m.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: highs, sweating to like the exodus that happened.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember walking through that, and then when that happened in Sonoma, like a few months later, I was like, all right, let's go.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: There's a there's a great book.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you guys haven't read it, it's called The Big Leap by by Gay Hendricks.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it's all about self-sabotage.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's all about, he doesn't say it like I say it in terms of the nervous system.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: But what self-sabotage is, is when the limits of your nervous system have been reached or or exceeded, and your nervous system unconsciously works to get you back into something familiar.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you can see it with NFL contracts or or sports contracts, where somebody comes from the inner city, they they're not, they don't have a relationship, a healthy relationship with money.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: They've never, that they've always wanted money and now they have multi-millions.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then after their plan days, they're broke because their nervous system that was that was unfamiliar and nervous system didn't know how to keep them alive there.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: So they spent it.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: You start spending everything.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've ever seen somebody start to make a lot of money and start to spend more than they're making, it's because they're they're they've reached the capacity of their nervous system.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is this making sense?
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: If if you feel or if you've always felt unloved and now you start to feel loved, don't be surprised if you break up with the person or you try to get away from them.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: If if you've you want to feel successful, but you're used to feeling like a failure and there starts to become evidence of success, don't be surprised if you stop doing what you're doing that's making you successful.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: And this is all unconscious and it's self-sabotage because you've you've reached the limits of your nervous system.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: Does this is this making sense?
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's all self-sabotage is, is I've reached my capacity.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta get back into something more familiar.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: Cool?
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: And offense requires acknowledging all this stuff and moving forward.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: Any questions about that?
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is this opening up some thoughts or some understanding, a deeper understanding?
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what I'll tell you is that the reason I asked to speak at the beginning of Gateway to Freedom this year is because until you understand this, the tactics and strategies are probably not gonna be effective for you.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: And everybody goes to those conferences for the new tactics and strategies and the new approaches and the shiny object, which which real estate area.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: But if they're built the same, they're not gonna do anything with those new tactics or strategies.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why you go to a seminar, you go to a conference, and some people take the tactics and strategies and accelerate.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: Some people take them and do nothing, or some people don't use the new approaches.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: And it all depends how they're built.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_00: All right, how they're built.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: Are they built at that moment?
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: Are they built to succeed?
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or at that moment, are they built to play small?
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it all comes back to the nervous system.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: Make sense.com for more tools and resources.