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Finding Freedom in Midlife: Letting Go of Control and Trusting God · Still Well Podcast

• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, my friends, and welcome back to Stillwell Podcast, episode number two.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Dr.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_01: Brooke Stillwell from Stillwell Mom, and I'm so excited to have another conversation with you guys.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: You might notice if you happen to be watching, because we are on YouTube, that the landscape looks a little bit different.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that is because I am actually up in New Hampshire at the lake for a few weeks.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's different than my normal setting.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And you will see that that's going to change over time.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: But at any rate, I kind of like this backdrop, you guys.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: For those of you that can see it, like I wasn't sure with all these windows, because this is in like a little sunroom here, but I've got like the green trees behind me.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it just does feel like very New Englandy and spring and summery.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm super excited about that.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so let's jump in.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast is timely, I think, and maybe also a little bit late to the game.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason why I say that is because it is when you get this, it's probably going to be mid to even end of July.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I wish I had released this sooner, like right around the fourth, because I wanted to talk to you about freedom.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that, ooh, that's like, there's a lot that we can unpack there together.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I wish I had you sitting in a room with me so we could talk to each other right now.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: But I want to have this conversation about freedom.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I started to think about this over the 4th of July.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, man, this would be a great conversation to talk about and release right around the fourth.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: But a couple of things.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Number one, you guys are all busy and probably we're not going to be listening to a podcast episode around the 4th of July.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: And number two, I haven't even released the first podcast yet.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Things just got slowed down.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: So forgive me for that.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: But um I have the tendency to have a to-do list and need to feel like I have to stick to it at all costs, no matter what kind of stress it causes me or angst in my life.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: I need to get it done at the date I was saying that I'm gonna do it.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I am actively working on not doing that anymore.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And Still Well Mom and Still Well Podcast has been great because I've set deadlines, for instance, when I thought the podcast would release.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: And it just, I had there's some was some blips in the back end things that I needed to do with email lists, things that you don't need to know about or probably don't even care about.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: But it set me back and I got to this place where I was like, I've got to figure out how to get through this, I've got to get it recorded, I've got to get it out before the fourth of July.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Cause after the fourth of July that week, a lot of people, all these things are going through my mind and I'm spiraling.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I took a step back and I was like, you know what?
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't, it's okay.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like the podcast is brand new.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody is gonna care if it goes out a week.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody's even gonna know if it goes out a week late.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, except now you do because I just told you that it's a week late.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: But truly, like I had to stop myself and say, you, you've gotta like Brooke, like this has to stop.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And actually, I could segue this, friends, right into a talk about freedom because there are just freedom in so many different avenues of our life, I think, especially now that we're in midlife.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the things that I want for myself is freedom from my to-do list because it feels like I have to have, again, all these things in place and be doing all of these things.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: And if I don't get them all done, I'm handcuffed to it really.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that's silly because yeah, some things do need to be done, but a lot of things don't.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't make me any less of a person.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, that list is gonna be there the next day or the day after, the day after.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you guys can relate.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have a suspicion that some of you listening are like that, and maybe some of you are just like could use a to-do list.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and I don't say that in any way to be mean, but I have a tendency because I deal with OCD to be like so by the book, and I've got to have a list and I've got to stick to it and I've got to be in control of everything.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And there are some of us, I have to remember, not everyone's wired like me, some of us that just can get, I think, stuck and lose their freedom to not even knowing what they want to do and just kind of spiraling because time gets away from them and then they're just maybe sucked into wasting time.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, maybe that sounds like you too.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: And there's just no freedom there because what you want to do, you don't get done.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think we all have a little bit of different perspectives.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, I do think that we can all agree that freedom is an important thing.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And if you are American and listening to this, in probably most parts of the world, you you know this.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope coming off of the Fourth of July in a 250-year celebration, you've been thinking about freedom.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: So as I was pondering the 250 years, and by the way, our country is so young.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: I know I just totally sidetracked, but that was one of the things I was thinking about, like how young the USA is.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: We're only 250 years old.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Just, I mean, I read my Bible, um, I'm doing the Bible recap and I I read it every morning, and I'm in the Old Testament still, and I'm reading through um Kings and and Chronicles and talking through like the buildup of Israel and Judah after King David, and then the downsweep of that, and just to think about how many thousands of years ago that was, how many thousands of years ago societies were going on in those areas of the world, and we're just like the US is just babies.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: So that's crazy to me.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: But it just got me thinking a lot about freedom.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I will tell you that I don't know that I considered it too much, honestly, until 2020 when COVID hit.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: I guess that was 2019 into 2020.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And this is not a political statement in any way, shape, or form about COVID.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: But I think regardless of how you view that time, we can all agree that we lost a lot of right or wrong, we lost a lot of our freedom just because we, we couldn't, you know, there were the masks, we couldn't leave the house, we had to all of these different things.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it really hit me and got me thinking like how important freedom really is and how much we take for granted.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: We just take it so much for granted, I think.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: At least I do.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: So that was the first time that I started thinking about it.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I actually I made it at that time.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: I I put it up at the top of my list for family core values.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I had three, three plaques made that I still hang in my house.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: One of them was family, one of them was health, and one of them was freedom.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so I that's been on my mind and I see it all the time.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: Those plaques are in my gym now.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I go down there and work out or my adjusting tables there, so if I'm adjusting one of the kids, I see that regularly and I'm reminded about how important freedom is.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'll tell you something else.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: This is all kind of like backstory until we get into freedom in midlife.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: But the other thing was I my parents were in visiting in, I think it was like April, and they were here to see my one of my sons, my oldest son Anthony, who plays lacrosse in college, and then my young, who's local in college.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: And then my youngest son, AJ, who plays for high school.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: They came up for my parents came for 10 days because in those 10 days, they were able to see, I don't know, like four games each of the kids.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: It was like something crazy.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: It was like all we did for days was go to lacrosse games.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: But in that time, I had this sense before they came of like time is short.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And normally we're just like hanging out, and that's all great too.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: But I thought, I wanna, and a lot of times they're here and I'm working too.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like I, again, I've got to stick to my schedule.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I can't have any freedom because I've got a to-do list.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: I have deadlines, I have things I have to get done.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I walked into that time with them thinking, you know what?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to approach this a little differently.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of my to-do lists and a lot of my work stuff, a lot of the things that I think are so important that have to get done, they can go to the side because time is limited.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Time is finite.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: And my parents are getting older.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm getting older.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I wanted to take some time to have like quality time with them.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I think in a bigger discussion here, that's what we're looking for.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm looking for when I talk about freedom in midlife, is the ability to be free to do the things that you love.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and to get to a place in your life where you're not just like on this hamster wheel of life, but you can take a step back.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: And because you're wiser, um, because you know what's really important, uh and also because you're older and your kids are older and getting out of the house, you have more flexibility to think about what does that freedom look like to me?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: What do I want to do with my day and my time and what's important?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: What can I let go of so that I can be free to live in a way that's joyful and to make the memories I want to make.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's what I was thinking about when my parents came in, and my dad is a big history buff.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: He always has been.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: And my mom not so much.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, I'm sure he was the guy that when we were younger would have loved to have gone to like Gettysburg and to see different things, but we didn't do a lot of that.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: We went to the beach and we'd go on a cruise and things of that nature.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, here I am in the heart of New England.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, I'm gonna take them up to Concord and Lexington to see the towns, which are only, by the way, like I'm embarrassed to say that I've lived in New England for, I think it's coming up, it's 14 years maybe, and I have never gone to Concord or Lexington.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's like 35, 40 minutes from my house, and I never went there to see where the first battles of the American Revolution took place.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, well, I've done the Freedom Trail in Boston, you know, I've done like those different types of things.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen Paul Revere's house, but we've never had been to um Concord or Lexington.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I took my parents up there.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: And that also just to stand on those grounds, to look at those plaques, to see those statues, A, that it's in my backyard, and B, like to just think about what people sacrificed for the freedoms that we just so take for granted, and what life, how different life must have looked like then to be battling and fighting in your own backyard, to to be fighting against uh I oppression, really, from England to try to get out from under that because you wanted a better way for you and your family and you wanted to determine how your life was gonna go.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And just I I can't even fathom that.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it it actually, if I can say this in a weird way, it frightened me a little bit because I just thought, oh my goodness, like now, I don't know, I don't know what the ages were that they would go to war, but like I can't even fathom living there and my husband leaving and going to battle or my kids.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just can't I I I think we take a lot of that for granted.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to do that.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: So, hey, like if you're if you are listening and you have served in the military or your husband has served in the military, or family, or kids, or whatever that looks like, thank you so much.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think we I know I need to take more time to be grateful for that.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so that that's been on my mind.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I think maybe that's why our life looks the way it does.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: Now I feel like because there's not so much outward struggle for us, in other words, our lives are pretty good and pretty easy for the most part.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we're definitely not dealing with what people were struggling with 250 years ago in this country in the 50 to 100 years following, are not the same as what we're struggling with now.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of our struggles then end up being emotional struggles and mental health struggles.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that's where our battlegrounds are.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so, even, you know, thinking about that, what does freedom look like there, at least for me as someone who's deals with and has dealt with anxiety and in college years, depression and even early, early part of raising my kids from depression and OCD, like it's sometimes hard to get out of our own head.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think that the majority of us, if you're living in the United States, are living a far more free and a far better life than a lot of people in other parts of the world.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember my husband saying once to me when I was really struggling, this is terrible to say out loud, but I do remember specifically having this conversation and I was really having a bad day, and he was like, Brooke, you know what your problem is?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have any problems.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: You have it too good.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: So all you have to do is worry about things and make them up in your head.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to don't take that the wrong way.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: I don't mean that emotional imbalance and things of that nature and and mental illness is us making it up.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I I'm speaking freely about this because I've dealt with it.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: But I do think that there's something to be said for uh, and I've been reading some books about this lately, a lot of Jenny Allen books about the battleground in this country is really in our minds.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's something that far more of us struggle with, especially in this phase of life, and especially as we go into perimenopause and menopause and our kids get older and we're dealing with aging.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of us are probably struggling more than we would care to admit.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what does freedom look like around that, too?
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: So that's where this conversation, what I was thinking through and how I wanted this to go.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: But let's talk about and break down uh what freedom means in midlife because there's a lot of different freedoms that we can talk about.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: I think uh freedom with your time, freedom with your work day, freedom in being who it is that you actually are, and not feeling like you're tied to being who somebody else says you should be, freedom, financial freedom, freedom to travel, freedom with your schedule.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um there are new freedoms in this phase of life.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then I also think, and sometimes that can be hard to deal with, right?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like too much freedom sometimes with I notice like like as the kids need me less.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: I have one more that's in high school, but you know, he's driving now, be a junior, and he needs me less.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes I'm like, okay, what am I like what am I doing?
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: This is too much freedom.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: I like to have my schedule, I like to be tied to like I'm driving him here, I'm going here.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: So that can be tricky to deal with, right?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how are we gonna feel our days now?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: And what I've been finding in really going into this battle with emotional is I talk about steadiness and emotional balance and going up against anxiety and and obsessive thoughts and things that tear me down and certainly don't lift me up, is that I tend to not like freedom in my day because I've I've always felt like I need distractions, I need to keep myself busy, I need to have an overloaded schedule so that I don't have time to think about what's on my mind and what's concerning me.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I have done that probably since my kids were young.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I am just now, I will tell you honestly, in the last six months figuring that out and learning to step away from that.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I bet you if my husband was here to talk to you, he would because I remember talking to him about this, it would be like a Saturday or Sunday where we finally had a little bit of time to catch our breath.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what that's like with with kids when they're little, you're running in every direction between like we would have church things, we had sports things, we had school things.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was just nonstop.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: And also my husband traveled.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: So when we would have a day of downtime, I didn't take a day to just be down because I didn't even, my body and my brain didn't know how to do that.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I'd always have this list of like, we have to rearrange this room or we have to clean this closet, we have to do this, or we have to, there was always a list of something.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember my husband saying, like, why do you always, why can't you sit?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Why can't you just sit even for part of the day and relax a little bit?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why do we always have to be doing something?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: And at that time, I would think, like, and I would say to him, or I don't know if I even said it, but I know I would think to myself, like, man, why can't he see?
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we'll just be able to settle so much more if this gets done.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Or like, doesn't he like, how can anyone sit?
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I feel like I'm being lazy.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm looking back, I don't think it was, I mean, maybe some of that was like I wanted to be productive, but really it was just that I I didn't know how to just be.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have the freedom or the capability to just let my schedule be a little loose.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I think when my kids got older and I saw the writing on that wall when there was going to be less to do, I that panicked me a little bit, you know, and so I jumped into things that maybe I shouldn't have jumped in a little bit too soon and filled my schedule with things that I maybe didn't need to be doing.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so it just to give myself not maybe freedom in my day, but freedom in my mind was what I thought.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: And that didn't work out so well.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'll let me tell you that.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: So that was a little tricky too.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I I think what I realized, and I wonder if you can relate, is that I have been grasping so hard for freedom from my own fears and freedom from uh my own worries and concerns, like freedom from fear of worrying about me and my own health and my kids and what's gonna happen to them and you know how what how is their life gonna play out and just freedom from all the overwhelm that my my way of combating that has been to try to control it.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: So in my mind, I thought that I would finally be free if I could just do two things.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: One of those was get all the things that I need done on my to-do list.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: And then this, and that's would be in the short term.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'll be free for the rest of the day or tomorrow if I get all of this stuff done today and I'll be worth something.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: But then secondarily, it was if I can just gain enough control, I'll finally be free to live the life I want without the fear that tends to overwhelm me.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I did that for years.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you name it, with health, with you know, trying every type of eating method and style that was out there with all different kinds of movements, with uh goal setting, with I mean, just anything that I could possibly grasp on to get control of my life so that I could then have more freedom in my life.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, trying to control my kids more, trying to make sure that I did the right things, to make sure that they would be safe, all of these things that I was doing to gain control.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And what I realized was I was trying to gain control to have more freedom.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: But what I was doing was enslaving myself to my own life.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: I had no freedom at all.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: And this is the thing that really blew my mind.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I wonder what you think about this is that I realized that the only way that I was ever actually gonna be free to live a joyful life and a life of less fear was to actually not gain more control, but to let go.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: And that has been maybe one of the hardest things that I have ever done is to learn to let go and to learn to surrender and to come to the realization that if I really want to be free, I've just I've gotta give all that fear and all that worry and all that stress and all those things that I'm trying to control.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: I've just got to give it over to God.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe you're listening and you're thinking, yeah, that sounds like a lot easier said than done.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you're right.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it has been a long road and it will continue to be.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Transformation is a slow process.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned that I want things to happen quickly, I want them to be easy, and that that's just that's not the way life is.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's not typically, at least what I've seen, the way God works.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: It takes time because he's molding us and changing us and building character.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I have been slowly and surely just releasing the things that I've been trying to control.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: And man, the freedom to release other people's opinions of me, to release trying to fix everybody's problems because I realize too that I can't I can try to help my kids as much as possible.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: I can try to help my friends or my family members or you know, this or that, but I I'm not meant to be the savior of everybody.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_01: So to release that, to let go of trying to be in control to help everybody else and realize like that God is God and I am not.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: I've said that so I say that so often, but that's like my mantra now recently, to let go of what I think my day needs to look like, to let go of concerns over my health and giving that to God, like doing my part, but also letting go of the fears around my health and putting that in his hands and knowing that he knows what's best and his timeline is best.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: The freedom that comes from that.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: The freedom that comes from saying, like, I don't have to have it all figured out.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm 50 years old.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm in the next phase of life.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: My kids are older and I don't have it figured out yet.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: What the heck?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like that stress to let that go and say, I'm not meant to have it all figured out because I'm not God.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: And every time I think I do have it figured out, it doesn't typically work out in the freedom to just say, like, I have to let go.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not in control.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: And nor should I be, because I don't know what's best.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what's best for my life.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: I don't see in the future.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I wish I did, and I think I try to plan so much.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like I lose freedom even in just wanting to like know what the future is and plan things out so that I'm sure of what the future will be.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what that's gonna look like.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: But to take a step back and go, okay, this hit me hard, you guys.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: To take a step back and realize, like, I've read this before in Hebrews and I can't remember the verse right now, but Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: I've always read that, but I see it in a new light because some of the things that are I'm becoming more aware of as I read through the Old Testament is that God is, and you're probably gonna hear this and be like, no, no kidding, Brooke.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I get it, like this is such a simple thing.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: But for me to really realize and hone in on God is outside of space and time.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like God is outside of time, you guys.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: That means that He right now, in this moment, we're right here in the present moment, wherever you are, you're sitting here listening to me at this moment in time.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: As I'm talking, I'm in this moment talking.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_01: And God is right here.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: But God is also in our past.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: And God is seeing that at the same time he's seeing me here.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: At the same time, he's seeing whatever's gonna happen in the future.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so he's lining everything up to work out for our good.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: It the Bible says that God is working all things together for our good.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: I have it right here on my computer.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's Romans, I think it's Romans 8, 28.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really good at I'm not really good.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: I shouldn't say that.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: That sounds so prideful.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_01: I can quote a scripture, I don't always know where it comes from.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I need to get better at that.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: But to realize that and to let go, to have the freedom to say, like, God is in control, and I don't have to know what's coming, and I don't have to be fully prepared for it, and I don't have to make sure I get all my to-do lists done and have all my ducks in a row and take control of everything so that I make sure that the future is gonna be good, to let go and say, God's already there and he already knows what's best.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: And even if it's hard, it's still gonna be for my good.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: To let go of that control, like that control that I thought I needed at this, at this age, as I'm also grappling with like age and thinking about mortality, man, it's like, oh, it's like I can breathe again.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: It really, it's it's I don't know.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: I wonder, can you relate?
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's just just so freeing.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I know in the Bible says that whom Christ has set free shall be free indeed.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I never, I don't think until the last couple months really grasp that that like, yes, I can be free in God because He loves me no matter what I do.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: He loves me no matter what anybody says about me.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_01: He wants my good and he's in the future, so he knows what's coming and he's got it.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: So why am I over here getting so overwhelmed all the time?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so maybe you're listening and thinking, well, how okay, well, how did you get there though?
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you even, you know, because it's easy to say.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'll tell you one thing that would drives drove me crazy when I was really struggling or in an anxious state of mind, and I would reach out, like I would talk to my husband, God bless him.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like he's been so great to me, and I can't imagine what he's been through with me.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: But like talking to my husband or sometimes even my mom, very well-meaning people who love me more than anyone on this earth would say, Where's your faith?
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're reading your Bible every day, where's your faith?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: And that would just gut me because I was already dealing with like, well, why do I, why do I feel like so trapped?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: Why can't I just be free in God?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: What is wrong?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why am I not faithful enough?
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: What's happening?
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not easy, but I would say, like, again, from what I've seen for myself, transformation takes time.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: And learning to walk in the freedom of Christ takes time.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't always happen overnight.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: And the biggest needle mover for me has been A, not just reading the Bible occasionally or reading uh daily devotionals, which I'm not putting down at all because they're wonderful.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I've read some, you know, I've had just some that have been so meaningful and impactful to me.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: But for me, it's been getting into the Bible recap and reading the Bible from cover to cover, not necessarily in order because they go in chronological order, which is a whole nother talk.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: But um staying in the word regularly, getting up early in the morning to do that and not just read it, but then to study it and write about it, and then to sit with God for 20 minutes in the morning in quiet and just be still and listen has been a game changer.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: Has been a game changer.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it really is true that when you take the time to draw close to God, he will draw close to you.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you something else that I was doing in an effort to have control and also to gain freedom from in my life and from my fears was if I would start to spiral or start to feel like I was losing control, I would fill it with something like jumping on social media just as a distraction or working harder on the things I needed to do for the day, or jumping on Netflix and watching a show just to forget, or grabbing my book, which none of those things are bad.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: But like I look back and I'm like, why didn't I stop and pray?
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I still don't do that the way I should.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_01: But why didn't I stop for a second and pray?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_01: Or a few minutes.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_01: Why was my first thought to distract myself?
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's because I was afraid to be alone before God.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: I think I was afraid to be in my in my own head and by myself and quiet, what that would look like and where my thoughts would take me.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: And man, I will tell you, that is the opposite of freedom.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever freedom is, that is not freedom.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I think we have to again learn to let go and to walk with an open hand in the things that we have in our life and to surrender it.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: And also, I think we need to take moments of quiet and stillness and stop with all the noise and the distraction in order to become more free.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: Those aren't always easy things.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: But they're really important and really impactful things.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that we have the tendency to think that we have to fight for our freedom, which we do.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: Some of it's you know, spiritual fighting and some of it's being strong and courageous as God tells us to be.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there are, you know, there are battles that we have to face.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I also think that sometimes finding freedom is not like a fight on a battlefield like it would be in the Revolutionary War, like we talked about.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um sometimes freedom isn't fighting.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes freedom is calling a truce in your life.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't know if that even makes sense.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's like laying down the weapon that you have been fighting so hard with and letting God be in control.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's not easy, but it's so worth it.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I know in my own life anyway, that is where true freedom lies.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: Is just when you get to a place where you see that to be truly free is to stop striving so hard and fighting so hard and trying to be in control and to set everything up so that you're living a great life, so that you'll feel freedom in all areas.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's not I I can tell you at least that didn't work out for me.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: But letting go letting go and surrendering to God and sitting with God and drawing near to God is the greatest freedom that I have found.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that is better than any other freedom that I could I I don't know.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think here's the thing the Bible says seek his kingdom first and all else will follow.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think when you find your freedom in God, when you finally release all that to him so that you can be free, you find freedom in all the other aspects of your life.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: You find the freedom to just be yourself.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: You find the freedom to stop striving so hard.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: You find the freedom to lay down your worries, you find the freedom to live the life that God has for you, and it's like a better life than you could imagine.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's just uh it's really remarkable.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's a hard thing to do in a world that is so hell-bent on moving faster and comparing with each other and noise all the time and distractions all the time.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, there's certain level of like almost a slavery to the noise and to the push and to the busy.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_01: And if we don't get off that, hamster will.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know that we'll ever attain true freedom.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, this ended up being a little heavier than I thought.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: I guess I should have expected that.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's freedom is a big word.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: Freedom is a big word.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: But I'll say uh as we wrap up that again, I am not only so grateful to live at a time in a place where I am as free as I am, I'm just so grateful to God for that.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I I just remind myself, and I would encourage you to remind yourself on the days that are not so great for you that we have a lot to be grateful for, as messy as this country seems sometimes, and with all the things going in the war on in the world, and there's so many of them, that we have a lot to be grateful for being in this country and having the freedoms that we have.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_01: We have a lot to be grateful for.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_01: And then to also become increasingly aware of the freedom that you can find in your life, particularly in this phase of life, as you're getting older and as life is changing and your hormones are raging and your kids are leaving home, to find the freedom to walk in peace and joy when you just let that go and give it over to God and know that you're not in control.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's that's I think that's the summary of everything that I'm trying to say here.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Real freedom comes when you realize that you're not in control and you sort of let go of the reins.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: That has been one of the lessons, the biggest lessons that I've learned.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll just say just the last year.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's taken me 50 years.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: My goodness, the control freak that I am.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I feel like I spent the better part of my adult life working or walking around and a little bit of, I don't know, a slave to my own mind and thoughts, which is not a fabulous way to live.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm very much looking forward to this next phase of life.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very much looking forward to more conversations with you.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very excited about this podcast.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: Bear with me as I get going and get used to this.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: As we wrap up, definitely I would just encourage you to please, like if you have a topic, if you have feedback from me, anything that's on your mind, reach out, uh, Brooke at thestillwellmom.com, and that's Brooke with an E.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: I would love to hear from you.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: I would love to know what you think of the episodes.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: I would love feedback so I can do a better job for you.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing this for you, but I'm telling you, like, even just having this conversation is good for my own soul.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: I hope it's good for your soul too.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you can connect and relate.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then I would just encourage you to check out the website, www.thestillwellmom.com.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: Everything that's going on with Stillwell Mom is there.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: And you could also follow me on uh the Stillwell Mom on Instagram and the Stillwell Mom on Facebook.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so as we close, I hope that you are finding true and real freedom in this phase of life.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I hope that you'll seek and find even more of that by letting go, letting go and and and releasing and surrendering.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, take good care of yourself.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: Remember that you can always choose stewardship over striving, and you can be strong in body, steady in mind, and rooted in faith.