Latest / Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor / Mojo Monday - Anger and Aggression: What You Feel vs What You Do With Carly Taylor

Transcript

Mojo Monday - Anger and Aggression: What You Feel vs What You Do With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Everyone. It's Color Talichy for this week's Mojo Monday. So
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: today I want to talk about an emotion that is
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: incredibly powerful and one which we often struggle with, and
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: that is anger. Anger is not a choice. Aggression is
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: so feeling angry about something or someone is not a
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: sign that you're failing it being calm or balanced. Anger
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: is a built in, automatic human emotion, just like other emotions.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: It arrives before you've even had a chance to think,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: so you don't choose anger, it just shows up. And
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: the Stoics talked about anger a lot. So Marcus Aurelius
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: wrote how much more grievous are the consequences of anger
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: than the causes of it? So what he is saying
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: is that what anger makes us do usually creates far
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: more damage than what originally triggered the anger. So what
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: we do with anger can create much bigger consequences than
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: the anger itself. Not because it's that anger that is bad,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: but because it's our reaction to it that con spiral
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: into something that we never intended. I think we've probably
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: all been there. So harsh words, slam doors, hurt feelings,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: damage trust. A lot of the time we have these
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: feelings of regret of the things that we did from
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: the anger. So anger is like a signal. Aggression is
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the strategy, and strategies can change with intention, with self
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: awareness that you can control your actions even when anger
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: shows up. And our anger is also a mobilizing emotion.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: It wants us to move, and I think this is
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: really important to understand. We feel it in our bodies.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: It's that fight flight or fhreeze. It's that fight part
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: of that stress response. And when you fight, you've got
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: to move, and sometimes that movement is powerful and even necessary.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: So you think about Greta Thornberg. Her anger about environmental
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: injustice didn't make her aggressive, but it made her clear,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: It made her courageous, and it helped her become one
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: of the strongest voices for change in her generation. So
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: her anger was fuel for positive action. So that's one
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: face of anger. It can be helpful. It can have
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: values behind it, So it's a value driven kind of
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: mobilizing emotion. It's a side that protects what matters. It's
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: a side that says, this is not okay, and I
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: have to do something. So anger can point us towards
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: our values and the places where change is needed and
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: there's always something that you care about on the other
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: side of anger. But of course we know anger also
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: has a shadow site. So this is a side where
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: emotions surge, where we act like we don't have a choice,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: and that's where we can lose control of what we do.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: That's the side where aggression comes in. That's the yelling,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: the snapping, the shutting down, the stuff that we can't
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: take back, And that's the anger that Marcus Aurelius was
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: talking about, the kind where the consequences are far more
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: painful than the moment that triggered it. So here's the
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: middle ground. It's kind of the human ground. Anger itself
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: is not the problem. It's what we do that matters.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: So we don't need to get rid of the anger.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: The anger is normal. It's just a normal human emotion,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: and some of us feel it more intensely than others.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: But we just need to widen that space between anger
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: and action. So even a tiny pause can shift everything.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Taking a deep breath, counting backwards from ten, walking away,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: these are strategies that can widen that space between the
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: feeling and the action. Because anger can be a spotlight,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: it can be a source of clarity and courage, or
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: it can be a complete wildfire, so damaging everything in
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: its path. The feeling isn't the choice, the behavior is.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: So this week, see if you can simply notice the
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: moment that anger arrives. Just notice it, and you can
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: ask yourself, what do I care about in this situation
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: and maybe take a deep breath, count backwards from ten.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Create a space between that feeling of anger and what
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: you do next, because that is going to widen, that
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: space where the power is, where you have a choice,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: and then that space that's where you have strength. So
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: thanks everyone, thanks for listening. I hope you all have
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: a great week and I will catch you next week.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Sa