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Bridesmaid Duties Are Destroying My Budget (And Possibly Our Friendship) · She's On The Money

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  Speaker 1: My name is Satasha Bamblet. I'm a proud First Nations
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: woman and I'm here to acknowledge country te glennyan Ganya
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  Speaker 1: nian ar kaka yah y and binahaka nian our gay
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  Speaker 1: In Nimbini, yakarum jar, Domayagumika, Dumaga, ihowaka, nile waman damind
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: imlan Wumma bang gadabomba in and now in waka ghana
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  Speaker 1: on yak rum jar watanadaa. Hello, beautiful friends, we gather
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  Speaker 1: on the lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank acknowledge
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: and respect the Abiginal people's land that we're gathering on today.
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  Speaker 1: Take pleasure in all the land and respect all that
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  Speaker 1: you see. She's on the Money podcast acknowledges culture, country,
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  Speaker 1: community and connections, bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources
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  Speaker 1: for you to thrive.
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  Speaker 2: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
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  Speaker 3: Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: that proves that personal finance can be fun, especially on
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  Speaker 3: a Friday when we get together and celebrate you our
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: exceptional She's on the Money Community and it wouldn't be
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Friday drinks without the marvelous missus Great. She with us
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  Speaker 3: all to share her money wins and a.
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  Speaker 4: Weekly batch of broke tips, which I will be sharing
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  Speaker 4: because beck is rude and.
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  Speaker 2: God covid, poor honey pie.
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  Speaker 3: We love her, we do, but like it's been pretty
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  Speaker 3: fun cossplaying pick yeah, and every single week we answer
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  Speaker 3: a money dilemma from our beautiful listeners. This one is
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  Speaker 3: for anyone coupled up or curious about the kinds of
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  Speaker 3: questions you should be asking each other before you get engaged,
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  Speaker 3: and will also be discussing the true cost of being
• 1:34
  Speaker 3: a bridesmaid because it always adds up, doesn't that?
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  Speaker 2: I love bitching about being a bridesmaid. I don't know
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  Speaker 2: what it is.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: I love the comments sections of these videos online of
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  Speaker 3: people being like, well, actually, it's a privilege that I
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  Speaker 3: asked my friends nah, and I'm like so wild. It's
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  Speaker 3: almost like it's coming from the horse's mouth, like it's
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  Speaker 3: never the friend being like, oh, actually, I didn't mind
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  Speaker 3: space nearly one thousand dollars I wasn't able.
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  Speaker 4: To budget for to be a part of Jessica's wedding.
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  Speaker 4: It's never then, so is the brides being like, well,
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  Speaker 4: it was a privilege.
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  Speaker 3: Was it?
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  Speaker 2: Do not come to my town? I just think of that.
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  Speaker 3: Would you have to pay for the privilege? Is it
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  Speaker 3: a privilege? What did she buy into the experience?
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  Speaker 2: Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves anyway.
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  Speaker 3: I always wanted to have your question answered on the show.
• 2:23
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  Speaker 3: over there. Don't be shy, it might be your own
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: voice we're hearing on next week's episode. Sure, mister Grici.
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: Speaking of shy, it is time for our five star
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: listener review, where we bask in your praise for the pod.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: We are so shy, you guys?
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  Speaker 2: Are you shy? Just we are so shy?
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  Speaker 3: Don't get me on my best don't cool. We read
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  Speaker 3: every message, every comment, every glowing review, and this one
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: is no exception. This one comes from Jess great name,
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  Speaker 3: who hit us up on Instagram today. Hi the I
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  Speaker 3: honestly didn't think I was bad with money. I just
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: always felt a little bit behind. I'd get paid, everything
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: would come out, and then I just wonder where did
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: it all all go? Every single month?
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Lol?
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: I started using the shees on the Money budget properly
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: after half doing it for ages and it just made
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: everything make sense. Over time, I stopped feeling stressed about money,
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: build up some savings, and I've been able to drop
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: down to part time at work, which is something I
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: genuinely never thought i'd be able to do but have
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: been wanting forever. It's not even about having heaps of
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: money now, because I don't. It's just that I feel
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: finely in control, and I owe you all are really
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: big thanks. I probably should be paying for your next
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: oat latte.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yess, that's amazing.
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  Speaker 3: I'll pay for your coffee.
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  Speaker 2: The savings will do it for you exactly.
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  Speaker 3: So, my friends, that was really kind. But if you've
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: had an AHA moment after listening to an episode of
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  Speaker 3: She's on the Money, please let us know. We're really shy.
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• 4:01
  Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or you know, honestly wherever you're getting
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: your fix of finance chats. Are you ready for this
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: week's question of the week? Jes Yes, I'd say this
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: one's a little bit broad, but maybe I guess that's
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: a good thing. If you could experience something for the
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: first time again, what would it be?
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  Speaker 5: Oh God, I want to say something profound, but it's
• 4:28
  Speaker 5: not sex is a no.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe just like the first.
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  Speaker 5: Time I like truly deeply loved something like that, You mean,
• 4:37
  Speaker 5: like such an amazing feeling of oh.
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yep, yeah, yeah, mind just clicked.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, like a falling in love or getting your first
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: pet and loving it so desperately, like just such a
• 4:47
  Speaker 5: joyous emotion to marinating that it's like to get to
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: experience it again for the first time, because I think,
• 4:53
  Speaker 5: like the thing with first is it's not just you're
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: experiencing whatever you're experiencing, it's also the excitement of being like, well,
• 5:01
  Speaker 5: I've never felt this before, I've never done this before,
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: I've never seen this before. That's a really good question
• 5:07
  Speaker 5: that I think I'm going to roll around in my
• 5:08
  Speaker 5: brain for a very long time.
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  Speaker 3: As I said, it's abroad, but maybe that's a good thing.
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  Speaker 3: I want to meet my husband again for the first time. Oh,
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  Speaker 3: that's very cute, because it's like I adore him, he's
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  Speaker 3: my husband, but the butterflies aren't there, Like yeah, I
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  Speaker 3: remember going home after our first date and I lived
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  Speaker 3: with my best friend's death, and I was like, oh
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  Speaker 3: my god, this guy, like I want that, I want
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  Speaker 3: that like, I don't want to meet someone new, Like
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  Speaker 3: I don't want to go on another day. I want
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  Speaker 3: to I want to just experience my first date with
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  Speaker 3: my husband again. Yeah, that would be really cute.
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  Speaker 2: It would be really really sweet.
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  Speaker 3: If you're listening to your name is Stephen, which can
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  Speaker 3: go on a date.
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  Speaker 5: I've just for to know what other people want to
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  Speaker 5: experience it, because I'm really like, this is like sending
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  Speaker 5: me up having a crisis.
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  Speaker 3: Guys, how about we posted on socials yet.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: To pop it out of comments on Spotify? Even because
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: I have.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: Popped in the comments on Spotify, because then I can
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: go through and reply to them, and it's on this episode.
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  Speaker 3: It's not lost into the Facebook. Abyss.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 5: I've seen lots of people say like they'd love to
• 6:06
  Speaker 5: read their first book again, their favorite book again for
• 6:09
  Speaker 5: the first time. But because I have a bad memory,
• 6:11
  Speaker 5: I kind of get that every time I've read book.
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: Why do you think I reread books so often? I'm like, wow,
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: this was amazing. Have you heard of it, Jess, And
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: You're like, yeah, you recommended it to me two years ago,
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: so good. Well, the beginner's mindset is something to behold.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: I think if you've got a question that you would
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: love for us to answer on the pod, Please send
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: it on through and we might just air it on
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: our next episode. And as you've just heard, it doesn't
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: actually need to be a money related question. It can
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: literally be about anything. Now, Jess, I know you've got
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: some good ones lined up this week. What money wins
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: did the community have already?
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  Speaker 5: First one this week, I've got this from Carly, who said,
• 6:46
  Speaker 5: after listening to the podcast, I looked into my super
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: income protection. I'm currently on workers' compensation with a shoulder injury,
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: and we stood down around this time last year. After
• 6:56
  Speaker 5: applying getting approved, I was back paid five thousand, nine
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: hundred dollars, which really helped with the bills I couldn't
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  Speaker 5: fully pay while waiting for the insurance company to pay
• 7:05
  Speaker 5: me whenever they felt like it. I've had bills coming
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: out but no regular money coming in. I feel like
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: I'm getting so much better with money now that I
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: am listening to you girls. I hope you're doing okay, Khli,
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: but glad to hear that the advice helped a little bit.
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  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: Next, I've got one from Rachel, who said I just
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: added my partner as a listed driver on my car insurance,
• 7:23
  Speaker 5: and my monthly premium went down thirty six dollars a
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: month because he has a clean claim's history.
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  Speaker 3: Oh apparently, Rabrachel. That was the thing I was going
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  Speaker 3: to say, Is it about age?
• 7:32
  Speaker 5: No, So Rachel had claimed last year due to her
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: old car being written off. But even she wasn't at fault.
• 7:38
  Speaker 5: But she said adding him on because his history is
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: clean somehow brought her premium down. Money ween, you're like
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: the sum of your average. Next, I've got a money
• 7:46
  Speaker 5: in from Felicity, who said I installed a timer for
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: our hot water system to be off a controlled load
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: circuit and onto a timer during the day to be
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: powered for free by our solar. Yes, there were a
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: lot of words that I didn't even know, but very clever.
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: I also show around and changed our electricity to Gluebird Boost,
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: and our daily cost of electricity has a halved, which
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: should save us between eight hundred and one thousand dollars
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  Speaker 5: this year.
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  Speaker 3: I love that very very That's actually really impressive.
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  Speaker 5: Then I've got one from Julie who said she bought
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  Speaker 5: this Sandro tweet dress that save us for twenty five
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  Speaker 5: forty nights.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Sandro looked up the price.
• 8:16
  Speaker 5: It's on sale on the Iconic for four hundred and
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  Speaker 5: ninety two dollars stop.
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  Speaker 2: So I don't know how much it.
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  Speaker 3: Was to be in with, but I say, I love Sandro.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: I love looking at Sandro.
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: It's beautiful and Julie has bagged herself an absolute bargain. Next,
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  Speaker 5: I've got one from Kiara who said, my husband buys
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: a lot of iced coffees, way more than one person
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: should drink. We have a jar of coffee that no
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: one uses because when it comes to hot drinks, we're
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: tea drinkers. So I decided to make our own and
• 8:42
  Speaker 5: he loved it. So instead of spending six to seven
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: dollars a liter, it's only costing me five dollars and
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: fifteen cents for three liters. Plus I have heaps of
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: glass jars and jugs already, so he just takes one
• 8:52
  Speaker 5: into the work and it puts it in the fridge,
• 8:54
  Speaker 5: takes a travel cute.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: You're making him little coffee tramplerts. I know.
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: I was like, that's a very sweetly mental image of her,
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: like sending him off in the morning with like a
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: little cup of coffee adorable.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: My husband does that on recording days in my little
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Fresco cup that has my name on it.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: It's really cute. That is actually adorable.
• 9:12
  Speaker 5: Next, I've got Morgan who says the depth she's been
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: chipping away at will be at less than twenty thousand
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: dollars next month.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, how excited. Just feel so good to
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: have a one in front of your debt.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Oh true, I was like a one. I was like, oh,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: of course, yeah, less.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: Than twenty It's so silly. And we talked about this
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: on another episode recently where it's like a mental game.
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: It's like that too, has probably been haunting you, and
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: now it's one. Yeah, it's still five figures, but like
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: it feels so much more attainable.
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: Keep on going more and keep cheaping away. And then lastly,
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: this week, I've got a money in from Sarah who
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: said I sold a couple of things on Marketplace within
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: twenty four hours of posting them. Didn't make a crazy
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: amount of money, but they were taking up space in
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: my wardrobe and could be of use to other people.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: An oldly but a goody.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: Well, this week, my friends, I'm bringing you broake tips
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: because Becky's resting away gathering more thrifty insights. I assume
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: that's what she's doing, but I'm ringing you three wait, Chavon.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: I round up every purchase, but I do it mentally.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: I have been transferring the difference into savings. So if
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: I spend sixteen dollars and twenty cents, I then transfer
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: three dollars eighty to my savings account. It's small, but
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: it adds up way quicker than you think, and I
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: can round it up to anything I want.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: Is quite like that.
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: I assume it would just buy the nearest dollar, but
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: to the nearest twenty yeah.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: She's like, ah, well, that one feels like a twenty yeah,
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: or like maybe another one feels like, oh, that was
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: twenty dollar purchase. I'm gonna rounded up to twenty five.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Like how cute.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: I really like that.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: I really like that too, because it was like kind
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: of becomes like a fun game. And speaking of fun,
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: Brook says, I have a fun money only card. Okay,
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: she says, once that account is empty for the week,
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: that's it. No top ups, no exceptions. It's the only
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: thing that stopped me from dipping into my savings for
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: dumb stuff.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: It's very dis's a very discipline. That's clever.
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: I like it. And this one I have stolen from
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: the community, I'm meant to bring one of my own
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: that I didn't say I was going to be good
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: at being beck and her broke tips.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: I feel stealing a broke tip is very big, big
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: energy to be honest.
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're right, you're right. I stole this broke tip
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: from Monica and she says, this one's a little bit rogue.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: But I've made savings a game. Every time I don't
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Uber eats when I want to, I pay myself by
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: transferring twenty five dollars into a separate account called future
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: me is hot. And I love that and I feel like, yeah,
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: it is future you is hot because she just saved
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: money instead of Uber eats, and like, that's so active.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: I love it. That's hot giral energy for sure.
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: But also just like naming your savings account future me
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: is hot.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: It is so fun.
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: Sometimes I forget we have free will. It is fun
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: to name your savings accounts something stupid.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: Honestly, you can change them whenever you want, Like that's
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: the free will you're not activating right now out But
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: also it is so funny as someone who works in
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: mortgage broking getting to audit people's bank accounts and what's
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: fairy money? Like I had to ask her the other
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: day and she has fairy money. I love, do you
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: know what fairy money is? What is her husband can't
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: ask her because it's the fairies. I'm you cannot ask
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: about any purchase made from that account because that was
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: the fairies.
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: I need to overhaul all of my savors and I
• 12:26
  Speaker 5: need everyone to tell me what their fun savings accounts
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: names are.
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: That in the Spotify comments sections fairy money, it feels whimsy.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Yes, it does feel big whimsy and like I was like,
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: what is this?
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: Like how does this work? And she was just like, oh,
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: it just means that. Like my husband, not only isn't
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: I allowed to click on that because they have all
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: shared accounts. Yeah, like any purchase in there, you're not
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: allowed to query it was the fairy If he sees
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: me with the new top, it was the fairies.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: That's brilliant. I'm obsessed with everything about that.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: Watch out, Steve, We're getting fairies in our house now.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: If you've always wanted to sh your broke tips or
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: maybe a money whin that you're particularly proud of. Please
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: join how She's on the Money Facebook group because we
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: love it. There. Jess is in there, and you might
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: just find yourself on the show. Now we're going to
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: take a quick break, but when we get back, we're
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: answering this week's money dilemma, and this one is hashtag
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: couple goals, So stay tuned.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Welcome back, everybody. Let's take a listen to this week's
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: money dilemma.
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: Hi, there, have you got a money dilemma you just
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: can't solve That She's on the Money team is here
• 13:34
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• 13:38
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  Speaker 4: and leave us a short voice recording, and you might
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: just find yourself on the show.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
• 13:52
  Speaker 6: Hello, incredible people. I have a pervy, maybe like a
• 13:58
  Speaker 6: little drama. So a family member of mine has recently
• 14:02
  Speaker 6: just got engaged, which is amazing. I mean, it's been
• 14:05
  Speaker 6: a long time coming and I'm so happy for them,
• 14:08
  Speaker 6: But it sparked some thoughts in my own head and
• 14:11
  Speaker 6: I've talked about engagement and all that sort of stuff
• 14:14
  Speaker 6: with my boyfriend, and we are long term and we
• 14:18
  Speaker 6: believe that we'll probably get engaged in the next two
• 14:21
  Speaker 6: or so years. I told him not this year. We've
• 14:24
  Speaker 6: still got stuff to work through. But I am really
• 14:28
  Speaker 6: curious to see everyone's opinions on money conversations you should
• 14:32
  Speaker 6: have before engagement, because I mean, we know what to
• 14:37
  Speaker 6: talk about during dating and all that sort of stuff.
• 14:40
  Speaker 6: You've got videos on that, but before engagement is really
• 14:44
  Speaker 6: interesting to me. I would love to hear your takes,
• 14:47
  Speaker 6: thank you, beautiful people bye.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Before getting engaged. It makes me think of the ring,
• 14:53
  Speaker 3: the ring that you often get engaged with.
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: You My mind went to the I always want to
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: get married film with the girl that comes out of
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: the TV or.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: Not the Hobbit. No, no, okay, I love that, but
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: often it is actually a marketing thing.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: So if you get engaged with a ring, yes, yeah.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: Often I got one, lucky. But what should you be
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: talking about before getting engaged, Jesse, If you were going
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: to get engaged, would your money conversations be different or change?
• 15:24
  Speaker 5: I would like to think if I was getting engaged,
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: we probably would be in a place where we'd had
• 15:30
  Speaker 5: most difficult Like it's to me, getting engaged is not
• 15:33
  Speaker 5: like okay, one life stage, done, level up, next life stage.
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: Like I kind of for me personally, in the way
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: that I approach relationships, I would think that if we're
• 15:43
  Speaker 5: getting engaged, like we're already living effectively the same life
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: that we would be living.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: For me, it's the marriage is a social construct.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, but that's what I meant. But yes, it's just
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: like it's a get out.
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: No, No, it's just it's it's a milestone. It's not
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: necessarily something that changes. But I also know that that's
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: very different for some people. It might be that you
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: are not living together, you can't live together till you're married,
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: and then that's a very different thing that you have
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: to talk about. I think like, if you're going to
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: be in a place where you're getting engaged to be married,
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: regardless of what your experience is up to that point,
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: you would want to make sure that you are on
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: the same page about goals about family planning. If like,
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: is that in your future? Is that not in your future?
• 16:26
  Speaker 5: If it is in your future, what does that look like?
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: Who's going to stay at home? Is anyone going to
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: stay at home, how long you're going to take parentally,
• 16:32
  Speaker 5: like all those sorts of things. Also, like what your
• 16:36
  Speaker 5: ideal future looks like. I think it's really important that
• 16:39
  Speaker 5: you dream with your partner so that you that.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: You're giving fairy money, it's giving very money, but so
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: that you know where your life together is going.
• 16:49
  Speaker 5: Because to me, in an ideal world, you're with this
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: person for the rest of your life. That's why you're
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: getting married, right, is because you think I can't see
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: a future without you. And if everything lines up and
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: that's how it works out, I think it's important to
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: go well, do we want to go the same places?
• 17:05
  Speaker 5: Do we want to do the same things? Do we
• 17:06
  Speaker 5: want to execute those things in the same way? Particularly
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: when it comes to finances.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean.
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: If one person is traditional, well the man works and
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: the woman stays home and raises the children and da
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: da da dah. But the woman is like, well, I
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: want to work. Can I want to have a job
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: and a career in a life and maybe I don't
• 17:23
  Speaker 5: want kids, and you know that's going to cause conflict.
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: So I think it's important if you just haven't had
• 17:28
  Speaker 5: those very big picture conversations that you need to and
• 17:33
  Speaker 5: you also need to be on the same page about
• 17:34
  Speaker 5: how you're going to structure your finances. How you choose
• 17:37
  Speaker 5: to do that is totally up to you. Is it
• 17:39
  Speaker 5: a pool of money, do you keep your individual money,
• 17:43
  Speaker 5: there's a.
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: Merry money, do you have very money.
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: There's a million different ways that you could do that,
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: but you have to be an agreement that you're both
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: happy to do it the same way. Yeah, because I
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: think the conflict comes later in life from not being
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: on the same page, or not wanting the same things,
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: or not.
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Being able to commute to hate openly.
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and don't think if you can get in front
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: of that bus, it's going to save you a lot
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: of trouble down the track, you know.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, I would like to cut and paste what
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: Jess said. Yep, And then I've said all of that
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: as well.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: You're so smart.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Well, it worked in the same way for us, Like
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: my husband and I before we got engaged, we'd already
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: bought a house, we'd gotten a dog, like all of
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: those conversations had happened. So everything that Jess said I
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: think is right. But then I feel like there are
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: a lot of engagement questions and stuff that you could
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: be asking as well. So, as I said before the ring,
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: for me, that was a really big thing to budget for. Yeah,
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: And like my husband had like ideas and thoughts on
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: the ring that he wanted to incorporate and then things
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: that I liked, And there was a big conversation beforehand
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: to be like is it in the budget? What does
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: that budget look like? And I think that that's really
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: normal these days to have, like, yes, it's so whimsy
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: to think he went and purchased a dream ring. But
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you right now, my husband made a five
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: figure purchase on a whim. I'm pissed, Yeah, totally, Like sorry,
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Like let's just make sure that that is the right
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: decision to be making for us. If I could go
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: back and do it again, I'd get a lab diamond
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: hands down. I want a lab diamond every day of
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: the week. I do not want like a mind diamond
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: to me waste of money, Like you can quote me
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: on that. And I have even said that to my husband.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: I said, I wish we had more education and like
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: it was more common knowledge. I knew that a lab
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: diamond existed. I didn't know where to get one. Yeah,
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: I didn't know how you would approach that, Like, and
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: now they're literally everywhere. Why are we wasting money on
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: something that's chemically identical? Yeah, And then questions about like, oh,
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: if we get engaged, and you don't need to lose
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: the whimsie, but like, if we get engaged, would we
• 19:54
  Speaker 3: have an engagement party? Is that engagement party part of
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: the wedding budget? If we're getting engaged, are we just
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: getting engaged or is it actually the intent to get married?
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: Because I have a couple of friends who are like, oh,
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: I don't actually want to get married, but I want
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: the ring. Yeah, Like they're just like, I just want
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: that commitment, I want something on my finger. Like I
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: love the idea of that, but I can't be bothered
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: with the whole shamozzle of actually getting married. Yeah, where
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: are you guys standing in relation to this? Have you
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: discussed whether life changes when you get married or not?
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: Like are there expectations or not on that? And don't
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: be like, oh, no, of course there's not. You could
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: be surprised that your partner would be like, oh, yeah, well,
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: actually I always thought Jess, you'd stop working once we
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: got married.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: And you go Sorry, what, Yeah, I'm not a virus.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but do you know what I mean? They could
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: surprise you, and I'm not saying it in a bad way,
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: but they could surprise you with some of the things
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: that they say about what their ideal marriage looks.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Like.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why I have one to add, Actually, are you
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: going to change your name or not?
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: No? I to make my husband take my name by
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: as you should.
• 20:58
  Speaker 5: No, but do you really again, I feel like that
• 21:00
  Speaker 5: once upon a time that was just like an assumption
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: that was made, whereas I feel like now, but at
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: least for me, like I don't think I would want
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: to necessarily change my name, but like for some people
• 21:09
  Speaker 5: it might be assumed that it's traditional.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: I know that's not I did it, but exactly I didn't.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to. It's important. My husband said that
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: it was really important that we had the same name
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: and that our children had the same name. Said, that's fantastic.
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: Change your name, that is absolutely fantastic. You can have that. Yeah,
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: we can all have the same name. So Harvey and
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: Campbell divine. Yeah, and I've got a very progressive husband,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: like he was more like, oh, I just wanted to
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: be consistent I think that that's really nice. And I
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: was kind of like, well, I don't want to lose
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: my name, and like there's so many different nuances to
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: that conversation. There's like the feminist route. To be honest,
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: my driver wasn't because I'm a strong independent woman. It's
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: literally because my dad has three sisters, all of them
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: changed their names. My dad is the last divine. He
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: had two daughters. Yeah, if I changed my name and
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: my sister changes my name, no more divines. Yeah, And
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: I was like, I really like divine. I would like
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: that to carry on. And that was a very cool
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: choice to be able to make. Yeah, And you know,
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: looking at my husband's family, they have other Morrisons, Like
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: he has a brother who passed it on to his children,
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: he has a sister who passed it on to their children.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: And I was like, how cool to also continue my
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: family name. Like for me, it was a bigger conversation
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: than I'm a strong independent woman, which is that's the
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: reason when it is your route pop off, queen. But
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: there's I don't know, there's lots of thought. So yes,
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: I think there's a lot you should talk about pre engagement. Yeah,
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: would you like to get into this week's juicy DM
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: MISRESSICRICI absolutely so. This week's message says, Hey, girls, I
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: think I've backed myself into a financial corner and I
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: don't know how to get out of it. I said
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: yes to being a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding, and
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: at the time I didn't think too much about the cost.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: But now it's all adding up the dress, the hands,
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: travel accommodation. I've done my research and it's looking like
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: it's going to cost between four and five thousand dollars.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: I can technically afford it because I have savings, but
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: it will wipe out a huge chunk of my savings.
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: And now I've started to feel a little bit resentful,
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: which is making me feel like a terrible friend, and
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: I'm spiraling. Is this just part of being a wedding?
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Should I have already known or is it okay to
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: set a boundary even this late? How do I tell
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: my friend it's dressing me out so much? Or does
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: she know when this is normal?
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: I know we've said it before, the extravians of weddings.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: I just I don't understand.
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: I don't understand signing somebody up for five thousand dollars
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: for no good reason, Like anyway, I don've had this
• 23:52
  Speaker 5: conversation before. I think that if someone is asking you
• 23:56
  Speaker 5: to be in their wedding party, like I wouldn't be
• 23:58
  Speaker 5: asking someone to be a bridesmaid because I was like, well,
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: then I expect you to travel and I expect you
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: to all this stuff. I would be asking someone to
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: be a bridesmaid because they're really important to me and
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: I want you to be there with me on this
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: big day and like maybe on the morning, I want
• 24:11
  Speaker 5: you to help me get ready or like whatever. But like,
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: I think the expectations stop there. I think it's very
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: reasonable for you to say, hey, I'm not pulling out
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: of the wedding. I'm so excited to be a part
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: of this with you, but the amount of cost is
• 24:27
  Speaker 5: just too overwhelming for me. I can't do it because
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: those activities that you've listed off, technically speaking, are optional.
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: Like you have to travel for the wedding, I'm assuming,
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: but you don't have to do the hens or travel
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: for the hands. You don't have to stay overnight, you
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: don't have to do this, that and the other. I
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: think that if they're expecting you to buy a very
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: expensive dress. They should be chipping in agree. I know
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: that that is a very difficult conversation to have, though why.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: Is it a difficult conversation? Like I just I would
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: like to like, sorry, split the conversation. Yes, there are
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: ethnic weddings and religious weddings where tradition kind of says that, oh,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: this is just what it costs and these are the expectations.
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: I would like to be very clear that we're not
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: talking about those weddings. We're not talking about you know,
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: I've had friends who have had big Chinese weddings. I've
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: had friends who have had big Indian weddings, and it
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: is so different what the expectations on friends and family are.
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: And these are the people I would say that aren't
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: having this conversation. We are talking about very Australian weddings.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: We are talking about very white girl wedding. Is that right?
• 25:32
  Speaker 6: Like?
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: Is that fair to say?
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: We're talking about maybe weddings that are being influenced by
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: social media, perhaps the interest wedding.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: When interest wedding, that's right, We're talking about the pinterest wedding.
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: People who have.
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: Watched a quiet style on a private jet and go,
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: how do I get that for my bachelorette. You know,
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: people who are being pushed into going bigger and better
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: and crazier because of what they're seeing other people doing.
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like it's important to point out because
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: I don't want you being like, oh, well, I'm having
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: like a really big religious wedding and my family have
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: been saving up for years and they're going to pay
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: for it, and like, girl, pop off. I love that
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: for you, but that's a very different conversation than what
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: we're having. But that aside, I would feel resentful too.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: That's so much money.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's heaves money.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: So what are you doing, Jess. I've invited you to
• 26:18
  Speaker 3: be a bridesmaid in my wedding. You've done the numbers,
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: you've worked out. It's going to cost you four and
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: a half grand.
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: You have a little pad at duck and I'm gonna
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: sit you down and I say, I love you and
• 26:28
  Speaker 5: i want to be a part of this wedding and
• 26:30
  Speaker 5: I'm not trying to pull out. But that cost is
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: not justifiable for me. So are there optional things that
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: I can opt out of? It depends on what the
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: cost break. Like, if there's a thousand dollar dress, I'm saying,
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: can I find a cheap dress or are you chipping.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: In for the dress?
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: But if it's you know, the Kens and you're going
• 26:48
  Speaker 5: for a weekend away and you're paying for pasta making
• 26:51
  Speaker 5: classes or whatever, I'd be saying, can I maybe just
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: come to one activity?
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 26:56
  Speaker 5: There are costs where you know, if it's an overseas wedding,
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: she said, there's travel. So I'm going, well, we're traveling somewhere,
• 27:01
  Speaker 5: you're maybe flying, You're paying for accommodation that you can't
• 27:04
  Speaker 5: really avoid. So I'm going, what else in the scheme
• 27:08
  Speaker 5: of this wedding is costing me all this money? What
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: things can I pull out? And hopefully I would hope
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: that she had to be a bridesman. You're obviously very correct,
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: she would go, I totally understand. I don't want you
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: to be stressed. The most important thing is you being
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: there with me on the wedding day, and everything else
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: should be secondary to that.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: In my opinion, I agree, And unfortunately it is not
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: that simple.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Is this true?
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Our community and they had thoughts and feelings and I
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: love this. So first we asked, is spending four to
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: five thousand dollars on someone else's wedding just part of it?
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: Surely not?
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: Or is that crossing a line? Nine percent of you
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: said it was just part of it? I thought would respond,
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: and then obviously ninety one percent said that is crossing
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: a line.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: People.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: Next, we said, should brides contribute more to bridesmaids costs?
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: Well, eighty nine percent of you said yes, but eleven
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: percent of you said no. Interesting, I really wish we
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: had asked the eleven percent. These specific are the like
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: give me your two cents questions. Justify this because as
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: someone who had a wedding, I felt sick asking my
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: bridesmaids to do anything.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: But it's it's always been done, of it all? Do
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 28:30
  Speaker 5: I think it must come from the twenty seven dresses?
• 28:34
  Speaker 6: You know.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: Oh it's insane.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Buy a dress that you get a camm it to
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: wear it again and then you never do.
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: I like it, And I don't care if people come
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: for me on this. If I ask you to be
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: my bride'smaid and I want you to turn up and
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: as the bride, I don't want to pay for your dress,
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: jes you wear or whatever you want. Yeah, if I
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: want you in a specific dress. I have to buy it.
• 28:56
  Speaker 5: I agree, but I think it's just not what's been done,
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: which is why we're like, maybe these people.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: Now we're in a hole of having conversations about going
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: into debt over other people's weddings. What if you never
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: have a wedding yourself, and you've spent all of this
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: money on other people's weddings and then no one ever
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: spends it on you. Yeah.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: Literally, that's why we could hear all day.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: We then asked, have you ever been a bridesmaid and
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: felt financially stretched? Forty six percent of you said yes,
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I know, like that's a lot. Then we
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: said what's the two cents? First person said, obviously you
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: need to have a conversation with your friend. Your friend
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: would understand because they're your friend.
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: That's the obvious answer, right Yeah.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: Another person said, and this just like, I don't know
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: what blows my mind. It's an honor to be asked
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: to even be a bridesmaid. If you accepted, you should
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: have known that was going to be part of it.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: Nah.
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: I love you guys, but I fear that take is
• 29:54
  Speaker 5: not a good wife. Five grand Also, we know generally speaking,
• 29:59
  Speaker 5: when I I see the cute little videos on line
• 30:01
  Speaker 5: where people proposed to their bridesmaid with the box or whatever.
• 30:04
  Speaker 5: It's not really like, hey, will we be a bridesmaid?
• 30:07
  Speaker 5: It's gonna cost you x amount, Like there's not really
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: any way to know until the planning and everything starts.
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: I mean, yes and no. My best friend absolutely knew
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: she was going to be my bridesmaid from before I
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: even had a husband lined up, and we talked about
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: that for ages. But at no point did we ever
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: talk about costs. No, I don't think you and I'm
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: a money person. Yeah, at no point was like, oh
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: my god, like when you're my bridesmaid, hahaha, how cute
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: is this dress? Like conversations like that were happening before,
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: but it was never like, hahha, here's the dress I
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: would get you to buy. Yeah, Like that's not the narrative.
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: I don't think like it was an exciting aspirational conversation.
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: Someone said, bride here, I paid for everything but the dress,
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: but I only specified color. So I said I wanted
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: a particular color and they just needed a dress.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I think that's pretty reasonable.
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: I think that's reasonable too. Someone said, I've been in
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: five bridal parties and all the brides expected less than
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: a thousand dollars contribution from all of us. I'm still
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: spending five thousand dollars on other people's weddings.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:13
  Speaker 5: I've had this conversation with her friend and she was like, yeah,
• 31:15
  Speaker 5: it's good dollars whatever goes there.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: I was like, that is so much money.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Someone said being in a wedding party shouldn't cost
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: you a cent. Someone else said, I'm Irish, So we
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: got married in Ireland. We paid for all the bridesmaids' costs,
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: of course, and.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: I think, like that's the way to go. Yeah, I
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: understand that's a big expectation.
• 31:36
  Speaker 3: But then I've got a two parter from one person
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: coming from a bride myself who isn't having a bridal
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: party for this very reason. It's expensive. If you want
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: bridesmaids to look a certain way, you're going.
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: To have to pay for it. Yeah.
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: I do agree, Like that's a very real option. Yeah,
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: you can get married without having a bridal party. Yeah,
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: that's a great point, Like you didn't need the bridal party,
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: and if you can't afford to have the bridal party
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: and pay for all their dresses and their shoes and
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: their hair and they make up. Well, maybe that's not
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: part of the wedding budget.
• 32:08
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because it's not for them. It's for your photos
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: or for your aesthetic of your wedding.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly to look like that.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I would argue that actually because for me,
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: having bridesmaids wasn't a part of my esthetic. It was, yeah,
• 32:22
  Speaker 3: but it was because I wanted my best friends standing
• 32:24
  Speaker 3: beside me. But yeah, if they could wear anything, Yeah.
• 32:27
  Speaker 5: If it's about the person being there, it shouldn't matter
• 32:29
  Speaker 5: if they will have matching hair or matching dresses or whatever.
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: Like when you cross into specific that's because you want it.
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Another person said, if you can't afford it, just
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: say so. Stop hiding behind it being uncomfortable, Like, well yeah,
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: but it's awkward. Yeah, like saying oh, hey, Jess, like
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: I said yes to this and now I feel like
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: I'm backtracking is a hard conversation to have. This is
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: a safe space.
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: Someone else said, I'm Chinese Australian. Absolutely no way would
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: anyone in my wedding pay. And again that's why I
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: was like, I want to outline this that different cultures
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: have different cultures have different. Yeah, someone else said, I
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: actually got uninvited to a wedding because I couldn't afford
• 33:07
  Speaker 3: to attend the hen's party. H DM you the TV.
• 33:11
  Speaker 5: That's horrific and I can't wait for you to show
• 33:13
  Speaker 5: me all the details later.
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: DM me the T I love it. And then someone said,
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: and I'm going to leave it on this one. Bridal
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: parties are supposed to be your closest friends. You should
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: be looking after them, so a money conversation should be
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: no different.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: I completely agree.
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: The pinterest of it all has skewed everything so crazily
• 33:30
  Speaker 5: out of proportion, exactly as you were saying. The concept
• 33:33
  Speaker 5: of a bridal party is the people you love are
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: there sharing the moment with you, and everything else around
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: that is unnecessary if you don't want it.
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: Couldn't agree more. All right, Well, there you have it,
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: my friends. That is the wedding rap. Thank you for
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: joining us, from your car, from your laptop in your ears,
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: have a really good weekend to look after each other,
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: and we'll see you on Monday for a brand new
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: episode of Money Diaries by Guy Bye.
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