Latest / She's On The Money / Setting Up Healthy Money Behaviors in Your Relationship

Transcript

Setting Up Healthy Money Behaviors in Your Relationship · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud Order
0:05
Speaker 1: Order Kerney Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before we
0:08
Speaker 1: get started on She's on the Money podcast, I would
0:11
Speaker 1: like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of
0:14
Speaker 1: which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging
0:18
Speaker 1: the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through
0:23
Speaker 1: as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and
0:27
Speaker 1: the storytelling of you to make a difference for today
0:31
Speaker 1: and lasting impact for tomorrow. Let's get into it.
0:34
Speaker 2: She's on the Money, She's on the Money.
0:57
Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money and another
1:00
Speaker 3: little bonus episode with just Me Victoria Devone. After our
1:04
Speaker 3: wonderful chat a few weeks ago with our friend Caroline
1:07
Speaker 3: Wall about identifying the signs of financial abuse, I wanted
1:10
Speaker 3: to jump on and do a quick little solo episode
1:13
Speaker 3: about how to set up healthy money behavior in your
1:15
Speaker 3: relationship when sharing finances because it is hot topic at
1:19
Speaker 3: the moment. I feel like I'm seeing so many videos
1:21
Speaker 3: on TikTok about how to share finances and what the
1:24
Speaker 3: right thing to do is and what the wrong thing
1:25
Speaker 3: to do is because navigating financial matters is a really
1:29
Speaker 3: significant aspect of literally any relationship, and establishing healthy money
1:33
Speaker 3: behaviors is crucial for long term harmony and financial stability. Now,
1:38
Speaker 3: whether you're in newlywed or your long term partners, or
1:41
Speaker 3: you're planning to merge your finances, or maybe you need
1:43
Speaker 3: to have some money chats with your housemate, Addressing money
1:46
Speaker 3: matters with transparency, mutual respect, and a little bit of
1:50
Speaker 3: strategy are vital in any sustainable relationship. So, because you
1:54
Speaker 3: guys know, I love to have a little rant, which
1:56
Speaker 3: is probably why I've jumped on on a solo episode.
2:00
Speaker 3: Wouldn't wait for a co host to be free, I've
2:02
Speaker 3: broken this up into six little segments to have a
2:05
Speaker 3: quick chat about. Now, money and relationships are incredibly fickle,
2:10
Speaker 3: But the first thing that you're probably going to expect
2:12
Speaker 3: me to talk about is communication, and that is my
2:15
Speaker 3: number one point, So open communication. So first things first,
2:19
Speaker 3: we want to start initiating conversations about money early. Open
2:24
Speaker 3: and honest communication about finances should start as early as
2:27
Speaker 3: possible in a relationship. Now, I don't mean go to
2:30
Speaker 3: your first tin to date and ask them what they earn,
2:32
Speaker 3: what they own, what they owe, and what they're spending like.
2:34
Speaker 3: That's probably a little bit invasive, but as the relationship
2:38
Speaker 3: starts to flourish, discussing financial backgrounds, including how you were
2:42
Speaker 3: raised with money, your spending habits, and existing debts or
2:46
Speaker 3: assets is really important because understanding each other's financial perspectives
2:51
Speaker 3: is going to help in building a foundation of trust.
2:55
Speaker 3: The next thing I want to talk about is regular
2:57
Speaker 3: financial check ins. This isn't sex, but we can make
3:00
Speaker 3: it sexy. And I've said time and time again on
3:03
Speaker 3: the podcast, having a regular financial check in to me
3:07
Speaker 3: is incredibly important because you're going into it in the
3:10
Speaker 3: same mind frame. No one likes being taken out the
3:13
Speaker 3: second they get home from work with oh my gosh, babe,
3:16
Speaker 3: I have been looking at the budget like they need
3:18
Speaker 3: to be mentally prepared for that conversation. So scheduling regular
3:23
Speaker 3: finance meetings to discuss your current financial situation, upcoming expenses,
3:28
Speaker 3: maybe check in on your savings goals, and any other
3:31
Speaker 3: changes to your financial plan is going to set you
3:33
Speaker 3: up for consistent success. These check ins make sure that
3:36
Speaker 3: both of you are staying informed and engaged in the
3:40
Speaker 3: financial decision making process. The third thing I wanted to
3:44
Speaker 3: talk about when it comes to communication, and I promise
3:46
Speaker 3: I'll get off communication really soon because that is definitely
3:49
Speaker 3: a topic that when we talk about finances, I'm only
3:51
Speaker 3: saying communicate, communicate, communicate, because how many people say, oh, yep,
3:56
Speaker 3: the relationship failed because of communication. The last I want
4:00
Speaker 3: to talk about is being transparent. So we need to
4:03
Speaker 3: be transparent because at the end of the day, there
4:05
Speaker 3: shouldn't be any shame around money. So if we are
4:08
Speaker 3: going to be transparent, we need to be transparent about
4:11
Speaker 3: what we're earning, what we're spending, what we own, and
4:13
Speaker 3: what we owe. And I mean, you don't have to
4:16
Speaker 3: come ride out the gates in a brand new relationship
4:18
Speaker 3: about all of these things. But hiding financial information can
4:22
Speaker 3: lead to distrust and resentment. So sharing your financial statements,
4:25
Speaker 3: your credit reports, and any other relevant documentation is going
4:28
Speaker 3: to mean that you're both on the same page and
4:31
Speaker 3: have a clear understanding of the financial landscape. But also,
4:35
Speaker 3: you only need to do this when you are ready.
4:37
Speaker 3: Like communication is key, but we're not just diving in
4:39
Speaker 3: and going, hey, babe, you want to see my credit check,
4:42
Speaker 3: Like that's not something that is expected and we need
4:45
Speaker 3: to also navigate these waters with what you're comfortable with,
4:49
Speaker 3: knowing that if you're uncomfortable with anything, maybe that's a
4:53
Speaker 3: good sign to check in with your own money story
4:55
Speaker 3: around maybe why you're feeling uncomfortable. Is it uncomfortable because
4:59
Speaker 3: it might be just too soon in the relationship fair?
5:02
Speaker 3: Or are you really avoiding talking about debt because it's
5:05
Speaker 3: stung in the past. All right, moving on, I want
5:08
Speaker 3: to talk next about establishing joint goals, so setting short
5:13
Speaker 3: and long term goals. How many times have I talked
5:15
Speaker 3: about this on the podcast. I would be a millionaire
5:18
Speaker 3: if you gave me a dollar for every time. I'm like,
5:20
Speaker 3: goal setting, goals setting, goal setting, But what we want
5:23
Speaker 3: to do is discuss and then agree on your financial
5:26
Speaker 3: goals as a couple. These can include saving for a vacation,
5:29
Speaker 3: you could be buying a home, starting a family, or
5:32
Speaker 3: even planning for retirement. Setting really clear goals is going
5:36
Speaker 3: to help in aligning your financial priorities and working together
5:39
Speaker 3: towards common objectives. This is going to make you feel
5:42
Speaker 3: closer as a couple as well. So finance isn't that sexy,
5:45
Speaker 3: but there's something very sexy about being on the exact
5:48
Speaker 3: same page as your partner the next You're not going
5:50
Speaker 3: to like this because it feels monotonous, but we're going
5:53
Speaker 3: to be creating a budget, developing a joint budget that
5:57
Speaker 3: covers all household expenses. You're safe and any discretionary spending
6:02
Speaker 3: is key here. A really well structured budget is going
6:05
Speaker 3: to have absolutely everything included in it. Every single dollar
6:10
Speaker 3: that goes out of your bank account needs to be included.
6:13
Speaker 3: I've said time and time again that most of us
6:15
Speaker 3: can articulate very clearly what comes into our bank account,
6:19
Speaker 3: but we can't articulate exactly what leaves. What we want
6:23
Speaker 3: to do here is a deep dive into what we
6:25
Speaker 3: are actually spending, not an idealistic what we're spending, because
6:29
Speaker 3: in a perfect world, I'd only spend one hundred and
6:31
Speaker 3: fifty dollars a week on groceries. But I know that
6:34
Speaker 3: is not going to be true. So sitting down and
6:37
Speaker 3: you know, crafting a little bit of an idealistic budget
6:39
Speaker 3: is actually going to put you behind. So what we
6:42
Speaker 3: want to do is be really honest with ourselves around
6:44
Speaker 3: what our actual spending looks like. If you're spending seven
6:47
Speaker 3: dollars a day or lattes that's okay, but we just
6:51
Speaker 3: need to be aware of it. A well structured budget
6:53
Speaker 3: is going to help maintain your day to day expenses
6:56
Speaker 3: and make sure that both of you in this relationship
6:59
Speaker 3: are on the same page about financial commitments. There is
7:02
Speaker 3: not anything worse than thinking, all right, we've sat down,
7:06
Speaker 3: we've done our budget. We're only going to spend one
7:09
Speaker 3: hundred and fifty dollars on groceries, and X on this,
7:11
Speaker 3: and why on that, and by the end of the
7:13
Speaker 3: month we would have saved seven hundred and fifty dollars.
7:16
Speaker 3: You get to the end of the month and the
7:18
Speaker 3: money's just not in the account. That leads to animosity,
7:22
Speaker 3: that leads to blame, that leads to you having conversations
7:25
Speaker 3: that are not that nice. That could be completely avoided
7:29
Speaker 3: if we were just honest about what actually goes in
7:32
Speaker 3: and out of our bank account each and every single month.
7:35
Speaker 3: The next thing that I'm let's be honest, I need
7:38
Speaker 3: it to be one of your goals. This is an
7:41
Speaker 3: emergency fund. And I think absolutely everybody in the entire
7:45
Speaker 3: universe should have an emergency fund, whether they are in
7:48
Speaker 3: debt or not. Lots of finance experts will say, smash
7:52
Speaker 3: down your debt. But I think there is something really
7:55
Speaker 3: motivating about having an emergency fund while you're in debt
7:58
Speaker 3: because it means when it's unex expected cost comes up,
8:01
Speaker 3: we are not repeating the same process. We are breaking
8:04
Speaker 3: the cycle. We are able to pay for that additional
8:07
Speaker 3: expense out of the money that you have saved from
8:10
Speaker 3: your emergency savings, and you're not continuing to perpetuate a
8:13
Speaker 3: cycle that isn't working for you. So establishing an emergency
8:18
Speaker 3: fund to cover unexpected expenses like your medical emergencies, or
8:22
Speaker 3: car repairs or even a job loss is important. I'd
8:25
Speaker 3: be aiming to save between three and six months worth
8:28
Speaker 3: of your living expenses. Key, there is living expenses. We're
8:32
Speaker 3: not talking you know, everything that you're spending. When we
8:36
Speaker 3: are talking about an emergency fund. It doesn't take into
8:38
Speaker 3: consideration how much you're investing, how much you're saving, you know,
8:41
Speaker 3: any of your financial goals. It's just what is it
8:44
Speaker 3: going to cost to put a roof over your head,
8:45
Speaker 3: keep your bills paid, and put food on the table.
8:48
Speaker 3: An emergency fund is going to provide you with the
8:50
Speaker 3: financial security that you deserve, and it's going to reduce
8:54
Speaker 3: your stress, even if you're in mountains of debt. Knowing
8:56
Speaker 3: that there's an extra couple of one hundred dollars to
8:58
Speaker 3: the side, I promise is going to help you sleep
9:01
Speaker 3: better at night. Now, I'm really sorry for the randy
9:04
Speaker 3: nature of this. I hope you're on board with it though,
9:06
Speaker 3: because I feel like we're getting stuff done. The next
9:09
Speaker 3: thing we're going to do is define roles and responsibilities.
9:12
Speaker 3: We're going to treat this like a job. So the
9:15
Speaker 3: first thing when it comes to roles and responsibilities that
9:17
Speaker 3: we're going to do is determine contribution proportions, which is
9:22
Speaker 3: again something a little bit spicy. You might not agree
9:25
Speaker 3: with this, I actually don't care. I believe in equity
9:29
Speaker 3: and equality working together. So what you're going to do
9:32
Speaker 3: is decide on how you're going to be contributing to
9:35
Speaker 3: shared expenses. This can obviously be done equally split down
9:38
Speaker 3: the middle. You both pay fifty to fifty. It could
9:40
Speaker 3: be proportional based on your income. Say you are the
9:43
Speaker 3: main breadwinner in your relationship and your partnerns half of
9:47
Speaker 3: what you do. From my perspective, it's not necessarily fair
9:51
Speaker 3: that your bills are fifty to fifty For me, I
9:54
Speaker 3: would say that you maybe need to be paying a
9:56
Speaker 3: little bit more because by going fifty to fifty, you're
10:00
Speaker 3: putting unnecessary financial stress on your partner. And at the
10:04
Speaker 3: end of the day, are we not working towards shared
10:07
Speaker 3: financial goals and a shared outcome. Any other method that's
10:10
Speaker 3: going to work for you is going to work, but
10:12
Speaker 3: we need to have this conversation. The key is to
10:15
Speaker 3: make sure that both of you feel that the arrangement
10:18
Speaker 3: is not just fair, but it's equitable. The next thing
10:21
Speaker 3: we're going to do is assign some financial roles. So
10:24
Speaker 3: we're going to assign specific financial roles to each of you.
10:28
Speaker 3: So one of you is going to be in charge
10:29
Speaker 3: of paying the bills, one of you is going to
10:31
Speaker 3: be in charge of managing investments or tracking expenses. Having
10:35
Speaker 3: really clear division of your roles is going to help
10:38
Speaker 3: in efficient financial management, and it's going to stop tasks
10:41
Speaker 3: from being overlooked. What I do, because I'm really good
10:45
Speaker 3: at overlooking things, is I actually just put calendar notifications
10:49
Speaker 3: into my diary, so I know that come November there
10:52
Speaker 3: is going to be a notification that pops up that
10:54
Speaker 3: says review car insurance, and I know that that's not exciting,
10:58
Speaker 3: and you could just press di smeth. But I always
11:01
Speaker 3: make an effort to review my insurance details because I
11:04
Speaker 3: did that last year and saved a couple of hundred dollars.
11:07
Speaker 3: And that's a couple of one hundred dollars that can
11:09
Speaker 3: now go to a goal instead of just going down
11:11
Speaker 3: the drain. Now, the next thing that I want you
11:14
Speaker 3: to organize is joint and individual bank accounts. Now, obviously,
11:18
Speaker 3: finance is really fickle, and it is actually really personal.
11:22
Speaker 3: I have worked when I was a financial advisor with
11:24
Speaker 3: clients who had completely separate bank accounts and they were retired.
11:29
Speaker 3: They had done their entire lives this way and it
11:32
Speaker 3: worked for them. I've also worked with people who've never
11:34
Speaker 3: had personal accounts because they've been together since they were
11:37
Speaker 3: fourteen years old and they've always had shared finances. When
11:41
Speaker 3: it comes to your accounts, there is no right and
11:43
Speaker 3: there is no wrong. But a joint account could be
11:47
Speaker 3: really useful for things like shared expenses, while individual accounts
11:51
Speaker 3: are something that I would push you to have. Irrespective
11:54
Speaker 3: of whether you completely share your accounts or not, I
11:57
Speaker 3: want you to always have personal financial freedom. This approach
12:01
Speaker 3: is going to allow for autonomy while ensuring that shared
12:04
Speaker 3: financial responsibilities are met. Also, there is a very big
12:08
Speaker 3: piece here about having access to funds to leave any situation.
12:12
Speaker 3: When we talk about emergency funds, I also want to
12:15
Speaker 3: make sure that you have your own emergency fund. If
12:19
Speaker 3: you're in a situation that you don't want to be in,
12:21
Speaker 3: you can get yourself out of it. To me, that
12:23
Speaker 3: is the ultimate financial freedom. Now let's go to a
12:26
Speaker 3: quick break on the flip side. We're going to dive
12:28
Speaker 3: a little bit deeper into exactly how you can set
12:31
Speaker 3: yourself up for healthy money behaviors in your relationship and
12:34
Speaker 3: what to do when it comes to sharing finances. Don't
12:37
Speaker 3: go anywhere, all right, guys, we are back and we
12:43
Speaker 3: are talking about how to set up healthy money behaviors
12:46
Speaker 3: in your relationship when you are sharing finances. I wanted
12:49
Speaker 3: to start this side of the episode off on I
12:52
Speaker 3: guess a little bit more of a spicy topic, and
12:54
Speaker 3: that's about building trust and accountability, which a lot of
12:56
Speaker 3: people just assume is given in a relationship. Building trust
13:01
Speaker 3: and accountability is so important in a relationship, especially when
13:05
Speaker 3: it comes to finances. So the first thing we're going
13:08
Speaker 3: to do is making sure that we are respecting each
13:11
Speaker 3: other's financial preferences. And this might feel like a no brainer.
13:14
Speaker 3: You might go, well, of course they do v but
13:16
Speaker 3: the reality is sometimes we forget to sit down and
13:20
Speaker 3: actually ask our partner how they feel about specific goals.
13:24
Speaker 3: I want to know is this also your goal or
13:27
Speaker 3: are you working towards this because you know this is
13:29
Speaker 3: what I really want. Making sure that if we are
13:33
Speaker 3: going down the route of investing, does my partner feel overwhelmed?
13:37
Speaker 3: Do they feel excited? Are they on the same page?
13:40
Speaker 3: Are we, you know, having these conversations and respecting each
13:44
Speaker 3: other's preferences, because it is so important to make sure
13:47
Speaker 3: that we're not only respecting their preferences but also avoid
13:50
Speaker 3: being critical of their spending and money habits. But we
13:54
Speaker 3: also need to make sure that we are avoiding being
13:57
Speaker 3: critical of our partner's spending habits, which can often happen
14:00
Speaker 3: without us even realizing it. Instead, what we want to
14:03
Speaker 3: do is work together to find a balance that kind
14:06
Speaker 3: of accommodates both of our needs and both of our desires.
14:10
Speaker 3: Next should not come as a surprise, but it needs
14:13
Speaker 3: to be said. We need to avoid finance secrets financial infidelity,
14:18
Speaker 3: such as hiding purchases or secret bank accounts can actually
14:22
Speaker 3: damage trust in a relationship, and that stuff can last
14:26
Speaker 3: a long time. So commit to being honest about all
14:29
Speaker 3: financial matters, no matter how small, even if it's just
14:32
Speaker 3: like maybe telling your partner that it was on sale
14:35
Speaker 3: and maybe it wasn't. This is where it needs to
14:38
Speaker 3: be stamped out. Okay, the next thing we're going to
14:41
Speaker 3: do is always support each other's financial goals. So what
14:45
Speaker 3: we want to do is encourage and support each other's
14:48
Speaker 3: individual financial goals, whether it's you paying off your hex early,
14:52
Speaker 3: or you want to start a business, or you want
14:53
Speaker 3: to invest in some further education. Showing your support for
14:56
Speaker 3: your partner's aspirations Foster's are really healthy financial relationship and
15:01
Speaker 3: it shouldn't have to be said, but often we forget
15:04
Speaker 3: to ask our partner what do they want to achieve?
15:06
Speaker 3: Where are they going, especially when we're only focusing on
15:09
Speaker 3: things that are joint or only focusing on ourselves. Now,
15:13
Speaker 3: moving forward, this is where things get really serious, and
15:16
Speaker 3: we're going to talk about estate planning and future planning.
15:18
Speaker 3: But that is planning for the future. So let's start
15:21
Speaker 3: with estate planning. I want you to discuss and plan
15:24
Speaker 3: for the future by creating updated wills, I want you
15:27
Speaker 3: to set up powers of attorney, and I want you
15:29
Speaker 3: to establish beneficiaries for insurance policies and retirement accounts. It's
15:33
Speaker 3: not sexy, I know, but life is fragile and these
15:38
Speaker 3: things are going to put you in the best possible
15:40
Speaker 3: position should the worst happen. Estate planning makes sure that
15:44
Speaker 3: your wishes and your partner's wishes are honored, and it
15:47
Speaker 3: also provides a lot of peace of mind the next
15:51
Speaker 3: retirement planning. It's not sexy, so let's call it working
15:55
Speaker 3: towards financial freedom for the day that we don't have
15:57
Speaker 3: to work. So what we want to do is work
16:00
Speaker 3: together to plan for retirement. Have you actually ever sat
16:03
Speaker 3: down with your partner and said when do you want
16:04
Speaker 3: to retire? Because I know that before becoming a financial advisor,
16:08
Speaker 3: in previous relationships, there's no way at the age that
16:12
Speaker 3: I was at, I would have had that conversation. And
16:14
Speaker 3: I can almost guarantee that when you sit down with
16:17
Speaker 3: your partner, if it's the first conversation you're having, you're
16:20
Speaker 3: going to have very different ideas of what retirement looks like.
16:23
Speaker 3: Not everybody goes, oh yeah, I'll get to sixty five
16:26
Speaker 3: and I will retire. Often people go, oh retirement, Oh yeah,
16:31
Speaker 3: like I would love to retire earlier. I'd love to
16:33
Speaker 3: retire in my fifties. That requires a lot of planning
16:36
Speaker 3: and needs to become part of your goal setting conversation.
16:40
Speaker 3: Are we contributing enough to our superranuation? Are we actually
16:43
Speaker 3: taking that seriously? Does your employer have any advantages? Are
16:48
Speaker 3: there any benefits like the government scheme of matching your
16:52
Speaker 3: super contributions? Do you know about that? What does that
16:56
Speaker 3: look like? How do we put ourselves in the best
16:58
Speaker 3: possible situation to reach a point in time where we
17:01
Speaker 3: can become completely financially free and don't have to go
17:05
Speaker 3: to work every single day to earn an income. How
17:08
Speaker 3: do we do that? We do that through financial education.
17:11
Speaker 3: Obviously you're listening to this podcast, so like gold stuff
17:14
Speaker 3: you my love, But continually educating yourself about personal finance
17:19
Speaker 3: is incredibly important. It's not something where you can listen
17:22
Speaker 3: to a podcast one time, set up your super in
17:23
Speaker 3: the way that works for you, and then never look
17:25
Speaker 3: at it again. We need to be consistently learning and
17:28
Speaker 3: looking at it and reviewing it. Might look like attending
17:31
Speaker 3: some finance workshops, it might be reading some books, it
17:34
Speaker 3: might be actually going and seeing a financial advisor. Making
17:39
Speaker 3: sure we are informed is going to help make better
17:41
Speaker 3: finance decisions, and it means that we can adapt changes
17:44
Speaker 3: right now in our financial situation to actually reach the
17:48
Speaker 3: life that we want and the life that we deserve.
17:50
Speaker 3: The next thing I want to talk about is conflict resolution,
17:53
Speaker 3: because at the end of the day, we're actually talking
17:55
Speaker 3: about a relationship here. We're not talking about, you know,
17:58
Speaker 3: sitting down and just finance educating yourself. We're talking about
18:02
Speaker 3: doing finance with a partner. And ultimately, there are going
18:05
Speaker 3: to be times where you go head to head. There
18:07
Speaker 3: are going to be times where you're not on the
18:08
Speaker 3: same page. But what we want to do is make
18:11
Speaker 3: sure that we get back on to the same page
18:13
Speaker 3: as soon and as calmly as possible. Right, So the
18:16
Speaker 3: first thing we're going to do is address conflicts calmly.
18:20
Speaker 3: I'm not the best at doing this, so this is
18:22
Speaker 3: more of a do as I say, not as I
18:24
Speaker 3: do kind of situation. I wish I was my partner.
18:27
Speaker 3: He often says, you know what, we just need a minute,
18:30
Speaker 3: let's go wind down, and I'm just like I'm ready
18:33
Speaker 3: to fight. I don't want to wind down. I want
18:37
Speaker 3: to discuss what's going on. But ultimately he's the smart
18:40
Speaker 3: one here and we actually need to diffuse the situation
18:42
Speaker 3: before we continue a conversation, because it wasn't going to
18:45
Speaker 3: be productive, right, But financial disagreements are inevitable. They're going
18:49
Speaker 3: to happen, but how you handle them is what matters.
18:52
Speaker 3: Addressing conflicts really calmly and avoiding blame and criticism is
18:57
Speaker 3: really important. Trying not to say, oh my gosh, you
19:00
Speaker 3: always or you do this. Trying to say things like, oh,
19:04
Speaker 3: I really feel like this isn't working for us, instead
19:07
Speaker 3: of you always mess it up means you're going to
19:10
Speaker 3: end up in a better situation and you'll be able
19:12
Speaker 3: to focus on finding solutions that work for both of you.
19:15
Speaker 3: The next I don't adore this, but it's compromise. Every
19:20
Speaker 3: single relationship is going to have some level of compromise.
19:25
Speaker 3: Every successful relationship that I know of involves some level
19:28
Speaker 3: of compromise. You need to be willing to compromise on
19:31
Speaker 3: your finance decisions as well. So understanding that both parties
19:35
Speaker 3: might actually have different priorities is really important because we
19:39
Speaker 3: need to find a middle ground, because that's what's going
19:42
Speaker 3: to maintain harmony. You might really, really really want to
19:45
Speaker 3: save for an overseas holiday, but your partner is saving
19:48
Speaker 3: for a different goal. Maybe we compromise and put the
19:51
Speaker 3: holiday off a little bit, achieve our partner's financial goal,
19:55
Speaker 3: and then throw absolutely everything we have into yours. Things
19:58
Speaker 3: go in ebbs and five flows. And I think one
20:01
Speaker 3: of the best things I've ever learned about relationships is
20:03
Speaker 3: they are always going to involve some level of compromise
20:07
Speaker 3: from one party or another. And if you're sitting there
20:10
Speaker 3: going but I don't compromise on anything, I hate to
20:13
Speaker 3: break it to you, it's because your partner's compromising on
20:16
Speaker 3: more than you are. The next thing I want to
20:18
Speaker 3: say here is that if this is something you are
20:20
Speaker 3: struggling with, seek professional help. Like that's not me being
20:24
Speaker 3: dramatic and saying seek professional help. But at the end
20:27
Speaker 3: of the day, if you can't get on the same
20:28
Speaker 3: page and this relationship is really important to you, maybe
20:32
Speaker 3: consider having a chat to a financial advisor or more importantly,
20:36
Speaker 3: maybe a couples therapist will help you get on the
20:38
Speaker 3: same page. Professional guidance can provide you with an objective
20:42
Speaker 3: perspective and help in resolving complex financial issues. Don't ask
20:46
Speaker 3: your friends. Don't ask somebody who has a vested interest
20:49
Speaker 3: in your relationship. Talk to somebody who's completely outside of it,
20:53
Speaker 3: because while it might be really confronting and not what
20:56
Speaker 3: you want to hear, it's going to put you in
20:58
Speaker 3: a better position. Let's move off conflict resolution because I'm
21:03
Speaker 3: sick of talking about it and it's like, not the
21:05
Speaker 3: most exciting topic to talk about. We're going to talk
21:08
Speaker 3: about actual tips for managing your money every single day
21:11
Speaker 3: inside a relationship. These are things that work really well
21:14
Speaker 3: for me and my husband. They might not work for you,
21:16
Speaker 3: but that's because everyone's finance situation is completely different. How
21:20
Speaker 3: I manage things might not be how you want to
21:22
Speaker 3: manage things. But the cool thing is we can learn
21:25
Speaker 3: about it and pick and choose the parts that might
21:27
Speaker 3: work for us to actually test out. You don't have
21:29
Speaker 3: to do everything that I do. So the first thing
21:32
Speaker 3: that works really well for us is automating our savings
21:35
Speaker 3: and our bills. Lots of you might go bippy. I
21:37
Speaker 3: like being in charge of it. I love logging in,
21:39
Speaker 3: and you know paying the bill manually you do you
21:42
Speaker 3: doesn't work For me, automating our savings contributions and bill
21:45
Speaker 3: payments means that we are consistent and we don't have
21:48
Speaker 3: any late payments. It means that our savings money gets
21:51
Speaker 3: taken out of our account before we have even the
21:54
Speaker 3: opportunity to have a look at it. We have on
21:56
Speaker 3: the day that my pay goes in and my husband's
21:58
Speaker 3: pay go in and automatic transfer that goes into our savings.
22:02
Speaker 3: Automation is going to help in building a really disciplined
22:05
Speaker 3: savings habit when maybe you are a little bit spendy
22:08
Speaker 3: like me. And it also means that when it comes
22:11
Speaker 3: to bills, you're reducing the risk of actually running into
22:14
Speaker 3: late fees, which, if you're like me, if it's manual,
22:17
Speaker 3: I'm definitely paying a late fee. The next is use
22:21
Speaker 3: some kind of budgeting app or spreadsheet to track your spending.
22:25
Speaker 3: Obviously I preach consistently reviewing your expenses to help identify
22:29
Speaker 3: areas where you can cut back and stay within budget,
22:32
Speaker 3: but tracking your spending means that we can just be
22:35
Speaker 3: completely on top of it. I think there's so much
22:37
Speaker 3: power in understanding not only what comes into your account,
22:40
Speaker 3: but how every dollar leaves Because you worked hard for
22:44
Speaker 3: that money. I want to make sure that it is
22:46
Speaker 3: working as hard for you as you did for it.
22:48
Speaker 3: So let's just keep a little bit of an eye
22:51
Speaker 3: on all of these little finance employees that we've got
22:54
Speaker 3: in our best year yet course that we did at
22:57
Speaker 3: the start of the year, and don't worry, we will
22:58
Speaker 3: release it next year. I talked about making every single
23:02
Speaker 3: dollar that you earn a tiny employee and they have
23:04
Speaker 3: to have a job. Like their job might be getting
23:06
Speaker 3: the groceries for you, or their job might be actually
23:09
Speaker 3: sitting in a savings account. But like, if they're sitting
23:12
Speaker 3: in a savings account and they're not earning you any money,
23:14
Speaker 3: are they working that hard? No, we need to performance
23:16
Speaker 3: manage them. How do we do that? What does that
23:19
Speaker 3: look like? So tracking your spending isn't necessarily about going
23:23
Speaker 3: I know I spend seven dollars on coffee. It's going
23:26
Speaker 3: further than that and saying, is that seven dollars that
23:28
Speaker 3: I'm spending on that coffee working for me? And if
23:32
Speaker 3: you ask me, absolutely I would spend a lot more
23:34
Speaker 3: than seven dollars on a good coffee. And that is
23:37
Speaker 3: not me being privileged, but more a part of my
23:39
Speaker 3: everyday functioning. But you might go absolutely not, that's not
23:42
Speaker 3: in line with my values. I'd prefer my little money
23:45
Speaker 3: employee to be over in my savings account, earning me
23:47
Speaker 3: more money, and that is where tracking your spending gets
23:50
Speaker 3: its power. The next is celebrating financial milestones. I was
23:55
Speaker 3: having a conversation the other day with a friend about
23:58
Speaker 3: not celebrating milestones and how when you look back, you go, wow,
24:02
Speaker 3: that was actually really significant, but in the moment you
24:05
Speaker 3: kind of just go moving on, what's the next thing.
24:08
Speaker 3: But celebrate your financial achievements together. If you hit a
24:11
Speaker 3: savings goal, or you pay off debt, or you're making
24:14
Speaker 3: a significant purchase, celebrate that. Like it doesn't mean going
24:18
Speaker 3: and buying a really expensive bottle of champagne. It could
24:21
Speaker 3: be taking the afternoon and going for a walk. It
24:23
Speaker 3: could be literally anything. But celebrating milestones is going to
24:26
Speaker 3: reinforce that positive behavior, strengthen your bond, and mean that
24:30
Speaker 3: we're going to be better at it next time because
24:32
Speaker 3: we know how good it feels. And then the last
24:35
Speaker 3: thing I wanted to touch on was practicing financial independence.
24:40
Speaker 3: I know that we're talking about setting up healthy money
24:42
Speaker 3: behaviors in your relationship when you're sharing finances, but I
24:46
Speaker 3: think that every single person should be financially independent in
24:50
Speaker 3: their own right. So while having shared finances can be
24:53
Speaker 3: really important, again, you don't necessarily have to do it
24:56
Speaker 3: if you're not comfortable with it. Maintaining a level of
24:58
Speaker 3: financial independence is not just beneficial, it is essential. Make
25:02
Speaker 3: sure that you have access to your own savings and
25:05
Speaker 3: discretionary funds. I do not care if you work or not.
25:09
Speaker 3: Making sure that you have access to cash that your
25:11
Speaker 3: partner can't get access to. While it might feel a
25:14
Speaker 3: little bit morbid and you go, but v my partner
25:17
Speaker 3: is my biggest advocate and my biggest fan and the
25:19
Speaker 3: best person in the entire universe. I can almost guarantee
25:22
Speaker 3: that someone in a situation that they wanted to get
25:25
Speaker 3: out of would have said the same. So practicing financial
25:29
Speaker 3: independence is something that I am wildly, wildly passionate about. Now,
25:33
Speaker 3: I'll wrap it up here because I know that I
25:35
Speaker 3: have ranted, and I have raved and probably bitten your
25:37
Speaker 3: ear off. But there is a lot that we need
25:39
Speaker 3: to go over and a lot to get on the
25:40
Speaker 3: same page when it comes to relationships and finance. And
25:44
Speaker 3: this isn't the only episode that I think you should
25:46
Speaker 3: listen to. We obviously have a lot, but I was
25:49
Speaker 3: just feeling it in my bones that I wanted to
25:50
Speaker 3: jump on here and have a chat with you about
25:53
Speaker 3: some tips and tricks that you could implement today. But
25:56
Speaker 3: we all know at the end of the day that
25:58
Speaker 3: establishing healthy money behaviors in a relationship when sharing finance,
26:01
Speaker 3: actually requires open communication, mutual respect, and a little bit
26:05
Speaker 3: of strategic planning. And by setting joint financial goals and
26:09
Speaker 3: really defining roles and responsibilities, we build trust and we
26:13
Speaker 3: can plan for the future, and then we're a stronger
26:16
Speaker 3: and more confident couple. Let's have regular check ins, let's
26:19
Speaker 3: be super transparent, and let's come to the table with
26:22
Speaker 3: a willingness to compromise, because that's what's actually going to
26:25
Speaker 3: be essential for maintaining a really healthy finance relationship. With
26:29
Speaker 3: all of these practices in place, couples they're able to
26:32
Speaker 3: achieve financial stability and enjoy a really good future together.
26:36
Speaker 3: And at the end of the day, no one wants
26:38
Speaker 3: sticky money conversations. They're awkward, they're icky, and they don't
26:42
Speaker 3: have to be. Finance doesn't have to be something that
26:45
Speaker 3: is overwhelming. It can be something that we are all
26:47
Speaker 3: excited about. So with that, I will see you guys
26:51
Speaker 3: next week. Thank you for joining me for a little
26:53
Speaker 3: bonus episode. If you like them, slide into our DMS
26:56
Speaker 3: and let us know, because I welcome any opportunity to
26:59
Speaker 3: get behind the mic, all on my own and go rogue.
27:02
Speaker 3: Have the best weekend, guys. The advice shared on She's
27:12
Speaker 3: on the Money is general in nature and does not
27:15
Speaker 3: consider your individual circumstances. She's on the Money exists purely
27:19
Speaker 3: for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to
27:22
Speaker 3: make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose
27:25
Speaker 3: to buy a financial product, read the PDS TMD and
27:28
Speaker 3: obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Divine
27:33
Speaker 3: and She's on the Money are authorized representatives of Money
27:36
Speaker 3: Sherper Pty Ltd ABN three two one six four nine
27:41
Speaker 3: two seven seven zero eight AFSL four five one two
27:45
Speaker 3: eight nine