Latest / FitMitTuro Fitness Podcast / Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Body: Tim Shurr on Self-Sabotage & Emotional Eating

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Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Body: Tim Shurr on Self-Sabotage & Emotional Eating · FitMitTuro Fitness Podcast

• 1:08
  Turo Virta: Hi and welcome back to the fit me Turo fitness podcast. I'm your host, Turo Virta, and today we are talk going to talk about something that sits underneath every workout plan, every diet, every step goal. And we are not talking about calories or macros. Today we are talking about the real beliefs in your head that decide if you actually follow through or not. You know that sentence. I know what to do. I just don't do it. If you have ever said that this episode is pure you. And my guest today is Tim, sir. Tim is a high performance hypnotist and mindset coach. He has spent more than 30 years helping people upgrade their beliefs, calm anxiety and stop self sabotage so they can finally feel safe and good there in their own body and life. He is also the author of a book called one belief away, where he shows one core belief that can change everything in your life, from health and weight loss to confidence and relationships. I wanted to bring Tim on the show because most of the people I work with are not lacking information. They know that walking is good. They know strength training is important.
• 2:23
  Turo Virta: They have heard 1000 times that protein fiber and sleep matters.
• 2:27
  Turo Virta: The problem is not knowledge.
• 2:27
  Turo Virta: The problem is in is the voice in your head that says you always fail. You are not that kind of person. Why even try?
• 2:36
  Turo Virta: You will gain it back anyway. In this episode, we will talk about what one belief away really means in our daily life, how hidden beliefs drive emotional eating, gritting and all or nothing, thinking and how to catch your own self sabotage patterns before they ruin another week and simple tools you can use at home to start rewiring those beliefs. My goal for you with this episode is very simple. I want you to walk away with one new belief about yourself that makes it easier to show up for your health and not harder. As always, if you insert this conversation and you find one idea that helps you, it would mean a lot if you leave a quick review for the podcast or share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it all. Right, let's jump in. Tim, welcome to the show. I'm really, really excited and happy to have you here.
• 3:33
  Tim Shur: Thank you, Turo. I'm very excited to be with you as well, and I look forward to sharing all the best secrets that I've learned over 36 years on walking around in people's subconscious minds with you and your listeners today. Awesome.
• 3:48
  Turo Virta: So for someone who has never heard of you before, how do you explain what you do in simple words?
• 3:57
  Tim Shur: So your mind is like a computer and it runs software programs, and some of those software programs are going to be very empowering, and some of those software programs can be very destructive or self sabotaging. And I am like the Geek Squad for your brain, so I don't know if you have best buy in Italy, but, but I'm like a computer programmer, and I go and I upgrade the software, just like we have smartphones, and our smartphones get updates all the time. The human brain, the software in our mind, often does not get updated. We might have the same programs running in our mind that we developed when we were five years old, and these programs are constantly influencing the way that we think, the way that we feel, the way that we behave, our habits, with how what level we succeed at, our own self esteem and self confidence. It drives everything at a at an unconscious level behind the scenes. And so whenever somebody feels stuck or they feel blocked or they can't get themselves to follow through. It is simply because of a software program in your brain, what I call a belief. And so these beliefs are what help us win and help us lose. And so I am someone who has learned how to upgrade those beliefs using all the tools I've I've discovered from studying psychology and hypnotherapy and neuro linguistic programming and every other tool that is supposed to set us free.
• 5:40
  Turo Virta: Yeah, I'm so excited to go deeper on all those tools later in this episode. But before, I'm so curious to know that how did you end up working with hypnosis and that deep mindset work instead of just normal coaching or therapy?
• 5:59
  Tim Shur: Well, I started out going to school for psychology to get my psychology degrees, which I do have a couple. Of them. I've got my bachelor's and my master's degree, but I didn't go to to school to try to, you know, to focus on saving the world. I was trying to figure out how to get rid of my anxiety, right? My insecurities, my fears, my worries of not being good enough, my, you know, my bad habits of chasing approval, trying to get people to like me by behaving in really stupid ways, you know, and coping with my anxiety by drinking too much or getting into trouble. I was always trying to be the class clown because I just desperately wanted people to like me because I didn't like myself. I didn't feel like I was ever good enough, and so I wanted to figure out how to get rid of that. And I had a psychotherapist, a counselor, a therapist, one time tell me, he says, you, Tim, you have generalized anxiety disorder.
• 7:00
  Tim Shur: And I'm like, Well, how do I get general confidence in order? And he and he didn't know. I mean, he just said, Well, you got to work really hard for several years. And I found that that's false. You can upgrade beliefs in 20 minutes and set yourself free from a lifetime of trauma.
• 7:16
  Tim Shur: And if it's because it's not the traumatic experiences we go through, it's the beliefs that form in our mind as a result of those experiences, and if you upgrade those beliefs, it almost instantly upgrades your life. So yeah, so I went to school for that, and my second year of college, they had guest speakers coming in, sharing their different tools and strategies, and one of them was a hypnotist, a Hypnotherapist. And he asked for a volunteer. So I said, Sure, I'll cluck like a chicken because I didn't know anything about hypnosis. And within five minutes, I felt the sense of peace that I never had before.
• 7:59
  Tim Shur: And I'm like, What is this? That nod in my stomach that I always carried around just kind of disappeared. And I was confused, because I never felt that way before. And so the school I went to didn't really believe in things like hypnosis. They didn't understand that it's just a natural state that your mind goes in and out of all day long.
• 8:23
  Tim Shur: So they thought it was some weird, you know, woo, thing that you know, some people can do and others can't, but that's not it at all. It's really brain science and understanding how your mind works and the power of suggestion. So, so I went to school to learn hypnosis, and then that opened the door for me to learn all the other peak performance strategies or alternative therapies that people were saying this will change your life. And I was very skeptical. I'm like, prove it right. So, so I opened a practice, and I ended up, over 30 years, doing 16,000 sessions, wow, and trying every technique hundreds of times, trying to figure out what actually works and what doesn't. And when something doesn't work, how come and what can we do about it? And then after all those years, I finally figured it out.
• 9:17
  Turo Virta: And was it something like it was your your book is called one belief away. So that does it have something to do, how you figure it out, or what does that idea mean for someone who is struggling with their body or food?
• 9:38
  Tim Shur: Yes, so that book does have all my best strategies in there. There's another book that I wrote as well, because when you're a hypnotist. People come to you because they want to lose weight and they want to stop smoking, and plus, I lost three family members, Both of my grandfathers and my mother in law, all passed away from type two diabetes. And so, you know, and, and, you know, I wasn't born with a sugar tooth. I have a whole set of sugar teeth, right? And so I was heading down the same path, and I found that, so I wrote this book called, What's the name of it? It's losing weight without losing your mind. And I found that, you know, I ended up doing 10,000 hypnosis sessions just for weight loss alone, and what I discovered is that you are one belief away from having a huge breakthrough in your life. So let me explain that there was a woman named Kathleen who came to see me, and she weighed close to 300 pounds, and she said, I can't lose weight. I've tried everything. I know, all the diets I could. Write my own book, like you said earlier, I know what to do. I just can't get myself to do it. So can you just hypnotize me to be a happy, fat person? Because I'm miserable all the time. And she just and. She started crying, so I knew that that's not what she wanted, what she wanted to be a thinner, healthier, happier version of herself, but she did not know how to get there. And so what we did was we went to figure out what is the belief that was keeping her stuck. And so in the very first session, she went back to a time when she was a little girl and she had a very rough relationship with her father. No matter what she did, she never felt like her father loved her. So in her brain, instead of her little child brain saying, Well, my father has issues, and this is his stuff, and he needs to work through that, and I know that I'm enough, her brain said my dad doesn't love me, so I must not be worthy of love. I must not be good enough. And if I don't, if I'm not worthy of love, then I'm not worthy of taking care of myself. So every time she would lose weight, she would sabotage it, because it didn't match her internal belief that she's not good enough, and so she would keep sabotaging it.
• 12:08
  Tim Shur: She'd lose 50 pounds, and she would gain 60 pounds back, and and then she would feel horrible about herself, so she would eat, to feel safe, to feel comforted, to connect with herself, and then she'd hate herself afterwards, which sadly matched her internal belief, and so that's why she was stuck. Her brain didn't think she was stuck. Her brain thought she was keeping herself safe, and it was matching the internal image she had of herself. So we upgraded the belief Turo. What we did was we we pulled the weed and we planted a flower, right? So the belief that she had was, I'm not worthy of being loved, and we changed that to I am worthy of being loved, and I love me. And every time I eat healthy, every time I go for a walk, every time I drink more water, every time I listen to a hypnosis program, every time I compliment myself, that is an act of self love. I am making deposits into my health and happiness account, and I'm building wealth in my health every time I make one of those deposits. And 10 months later, she lost 144 pounds, and she wasn't dieting. She was loving herself, and so she was one belief away. Now there was some other beliefs in there, and she needed to break some old habits and replace new ones. But none of that would have happened unless she changed that belief.
• 13:32
  Tim Shur: And that's why I tell people you're just one belief away from having your next big breakthrough.
• 13:39
  Turo Virta: And this is so true.
• 13:39
  Turo Virta: I see that exactly what you described so many with so many clients I work with and like that, when they have tried every diet plan in the world, or can name all diets, and there are, might be hundreds of them, and if someone who is listening is that kind of person, and they are thinking that, where do I even start? So how do you begin to look for that one big belief?
• 14:16
  Tim Shur: Excellent question. So there's two questions you can ask yourself. So question number one is, what would I have to believe to feel this way, right?
• 14:25
  Tim Shur: So don't think about being stuck. Think about what is the what is the problem you're having, and then how does it make you feel? Right? So I eat, I overeat. I can't stop eating.
• 14:37
  Tim Shur: All I think about is food. Well, maybe that's a distraction pattern. Maybe you're trying to distract yourself because you're unhappy or because you keep thinking about things from the past or you don't feel safe in the future. And so what would I have to believe to not feel safe? Well, I have to believe that you can't trust people, or I'd have to believe that I can't trust myself, or I have to believe that I'm someone who doesn't keep their own commitments, and that makes me feel bad about myself. That makes me feel like I'm worthless, right? Well, what would you have to believe to think that you're worthless?
• 15:17
  Tim Shur: Well, and if you keep going and you keep asking that eventually what most people get to is this fear that I'm not good enough, for whatever reason I'm not good enough, and I think that that fear is something that almost every human being has, this fear of not being good enough, and that's what drives our insecurity, that's what drives our loneliness, that's what drives our anxiety, that's what drives our anger or our greed, right, or our selfishness. It's this insecurity, this deep fear that I'm not good enough. So that's the first question. What would I have to believe to feel this way? And then the second question is, what would I rather believe instead? Because most of the beliefs that we have in our head Turo were formed by the time we were 12 years old. So.
• 16:02
  Tim Shur: We have a 12 year old brain that decided how we were going to live the rest of our life. So what I do is I help adults go back to that time and you get to choose the new belief, because beliefs are just opinions that and you have the right to whatever opinion you want. So you can choose a new belief for yourself anytime you want, and I'll show you how to do that in a second. Okay? Because sometimes people will give themselves affirmations, but they won't believe the affirmations. And so sometimes affirmations make people feel worse, even though I've written many books telling people to use I am statements if you don't believe it, if you say I am 150 pounds, and you're 250 pounds, you'll think I'm just lying to myself, and it can make you feel worse. So you got to get to the belief that that's underneath it, and upgrade that belief. And then all the you'll believe the positive thoughts, you'll believe the I am statements. So you got to ask yourself, what would I rather believe instead, that would give me a heart at peace, and examples would be, I am more than enough. I am already good. I have nothing to prove. I love myself. Instead of chasing that love from others, I give it to myself that I have permission to do this right? A lot of people don't know they have permission to love themselves. A lot of people don't know that, that instead of chasing somebody or chasing approval or chasing success, you have to give it to yourself, and then you attract more of it. But people don't know they can do that. Most people are playing not to lose. We got to learn how to play to win on the inside.
• 17:46
  Turo Virta: Yeah, that is, that is so true. And I, I see it like, is it like what? I have heard it that it's, it's, it's often like that. That was so eye opening for me when you said that it's, we are thinking like a 12 year old brain, and those are coming from like, and it's, hard to recognize those things like I when I work with the people there are, like something have happened at that age, or it could be 1210, 13. Could be lack of love from your parents, or something have happened, like someone, some family member have passed away, or that kind of events would have happened at that date, and now, then those are structuring or making those your beliefs, what you still believe today, or maybe, like, I can think, from my own example, like, what I still struggle like, leave something like a food on a plate, for example, like it's, it's something, what I know that, that I have that was at the time, when I grew up, it was something that you don't waste food, so you, you have to eat, finish your plate, eat it empty and and, of course, that is like, I talked about it with my mum couple years ago. And as he said that, yeah, she wasn't even thinking about it. Of course, she's not doing it in a purpose, but that's up the way, how she grew up, like earlier, like now, I don't think that we are in 2026 that there is not a problem of not having food enough, but that was a problem in when my grandma was in her childhood, there was a real problem. There was a war, everything, and there was not food as much available, and you really couldn't waste food. And now those same beliefs, you go from generation, you pass them from generation to generation, and still we have these kind of beliefs.
• 19:50
  Tim Shur: Yeah, that's exactly right. I call them generational wounds. Is because, you know, people have been hurting and not feel loved or not feel good enough since the beginning, and we just kind of pass that along, not on purpose. None of it is intentional, but we pass it along, and then we absorb the beliefs and the ideas of our culture, of our parents, of our neighbors, of our neighborhood, you know, of our religion, of our political environment, and we absorb that in like a sponge.
• 20:23
  Tim Shur: And now the young generation is absorbing in all kinds of garbage from social media, and they're around it all the time.
• 20:31
  Tim Shur: So it's a whole new level of anxiety and disconnect and not feeling good enough, and it just continues on. So what we have to do is recognize that we have the ability to upgrade our beliefs, and people don't know that that's what the real problem is.
• 20:49
  Tim Shur: So for years, you know, we would try to go to personal development, or we would go to counseling or therapy, and I found that talking about your problems all the time and just trying to use vision boards or affirmations or journaling or yoga or something like that, you. Although they're very helpful, it's like cutting the top off of a weed. You know, the weeds just keep growing back. So what you have to do is pull the weed out at the root and then replace it with the flower. You can't you can't just get rid of a negative belief. You have to replace it with a more empowering belief. You can't just get rid of a bad habit, you have to replace it with a more empowering habit. So for an example, you know, you eat for energy. Now you don't need to feel full. You don't need to clean your plate. You eat for energy. And so what you might do as a new habit is you just get a smaller plate. You can still clean your plate, so you feel like you're checking that box.
• 21:43
  Tim Shur: You just start with a smaller plate, right? So that's the habit, but the belief that drives your behavior is, I eat for energy. I don't need to get full. I'm not eating for love.
• 21:54
  Tim Shur: I'm not eating to comfort myself. A lot of kids associate food with love. You know, their mother bake for them, their grandmother bake for them, and then they associate love with that food. And so when they're eating, what they're looking for is that feeling of love, that feeling of safety, that feeling of being comforted, right? And if you can't get it, you don't feel like you can get it from the people around you, or you're not giving it to yourself, then you get it from the next best thing, which is food. And so that's how we end up being food obsessed or being addicted to sugar, we're not really addicted to those foods. We're addicted to the feeling that we think we're going to get from those foods.
• 22:35
  Turo Virta: Yeah, no, that is so well said, so well said. And I you, I think that was like, if you are listening this, please listen this again, like this was so well said. So I want to go little bit like for those linking beliefs to food and weight exercises, because I know many of listeners are telling themselves that I know what to do. I just don't do it from your point of view, what is really going on there?
• 23:08
  Tim Shur: Yes, great question.
• 23:08
  Tim Shur: So our brain is always trying to avoid pain and gain pleasure, and when we procrastinate, when we push things off, it's because our brain thinks it's going to be painful and it's not going to be enjoyable. And so when we think about exercise, we think that it's going to take a lot of time, we're going to get sweaty, we're going to feel sore afterwards. It's a lot of effort, right? And so we're associating a lot of pain to exercise. For men, we try to feel confident and safe and significant and secure by working and making money and exercise takes us away from that. So we feel like, Yeah, I know I need to do it, but it's not a priority, because I need to reach out to my client, or I need to take care of this customer, or I need to get my paperwork done, or I need to do my marketing, or I need to make that next video right? And so it doesn't feel like you don't feel safe, you don't feel significant, by working out in a lot of people's minds and and so that it's constantly I need to do it, and then something else distracts me, and then I skip that day, and then I don't do it the next day, you know? And so for other people, they resent it, right? They don't want to exercise because maybe they were forced to growing up and now they don't want to. Or they resent losing weight and exercising because someone always made them feel fat when they were growing up or or somebody always made them feel like their their brother or their sister was better than them, better looking and better shape, smarter, you know, and they were the one that, you know, they weren't the golden child. And so now there's resentment, and there's rebellion and and there's a an active self sabotage of, I don't want to do it. I need, I know I need to do it for me, but I just don't want to, and it's because they're still rebelling other people. It's a safety issue, right? Maybe they have, they've experienced some kind of abuse when they were younger, and so now they've gained weight, literally as a protective barrier, or they were, you know, physically abused, sexually abused, and so now they've become bigger as a way of making themselves feel safe, and to lose that barrier is too scary, and so they'll sabotage themselves that way. Another reason why it happens is because they're focusing on what they have to do, instead of focusing on how good it feels afterwards.
• 25:44
  Tim Shur: I call it jumping to the end.
• 25:44
  Tim Shur: How do you feel after you went for the walk? How do you feel after you exercised? And for a lot of people, they're like, I feel great. I feel relieved. I feel good that I did it. I have more energy, you know, or when you're first doing it, you know, the first couple of weeks, it might not be as fun. So what can you do to make it more fun?
• 26:04
  Tim Shur: Right? You can listen to it all.
• 26:04
  Tim Shur: Audiobook. You can listen to music. You can walk with a friend. You can do it for with a group. You can do it to raise money for charity. You can you can find other ways to make it more enjoyable for you, if you ask the right questions. You know, how can I make this more fun? And so that way you're associating pleasure to it, instead of constantly telling yourself how much you don't like it, if you walk around telling yourself I hate exercise, then it's going to remain that way.
• 26:35
  Turo Virta: Oh yeah, yeah. No, that is a very, very good advice. And because I, I, I believe, also, like, there are many, many people who are also, I'm listening here, and I'm kind of or I was, now I have improved myself a lot from it. I was also kind of all or nothing thinker.
• 26:53
  Turo Virta: But I know many people who are listening this are people pleasers, are perfectionists and always taking care of everybody else first. So those were, what is? What I'm curious to know, like, what, what beliefs? What?
• 27:13
  Turo Virta: What beliefs about themselves?
• 27:13
  Turo Virta: Do you often see in that group who are like those, like people pleasers, perfectionists, and always taking care of everybody else first?
• 27:28
  Tim Shur: Well, the belief is that I'm not good enough on my own, so I have to get others to love me so that I can love me.
• 27:39
  Tim Shur: So that means that, you know, if you're a perfectionist, you have to be perfect, because if it's not perfect, you know, you won't look good, and then others will see that you're not good, and then they will leave you. They will abandon you, they will reject you. And we don't want that kind of pain, so it's better not to do anything than to risk being rejected. Or we're going to be perfectionistic, so we're going to go overboard, and even when we're doing something really well, we don't give ourselves credit. So it never feels like it's good enough, even when it's way better than anybody else could do, we still think it could be better, because it never feels like it's not enough, because we never feel like we're good enough. You know, I work with a lot of entrepreneurs and business owners and high achievers. And I call it achiever syndrome, because we have this deep fear that no matter what we do, is just never enough, and it causes us to just keep hustling and keep driving forward, even when we need a break and and no matter what we build, it's not good enough. And even when we build an empire, we feel like we could lose it at any minute. So even then, we can't relax, and it creates, it creates so much stress and so much burnout and and so, so that's what's going on. And then with people pleasers, it's the fear of conflict. We don't like conflict. We don't want to get yelled at, we don't want to get in trouble, because we there was maybe punishments when you were younger, or you got bullied when you were younger. And so we have this deep fear of conflict, and so we try to avoid it by just keeping everybody happy, even though it makes us miserable.
• 29:25
  Tim Shur: And so we just keep saying yes, and we keep sacrificing ourselves for others. Mothers do this all the time, and if you ask their kids, their kids, you know, the kids will tell you, if you want to help me take care of yourself, yeah, right. But the belief won't allow them to do that, because they believe that.
• 29:43
  Tim Shur: Some people believe that's selfish. Some people believe that that taking care of yourself is prideful or a sin, because that's what they've been told. And so they don't take care of themselves. They don't love themselves, which is such false thinking, right? Even the Bible, it talks about loving yourself so you can love your neighbor, right? And so, you know, Jesus loves us, that's why we love each other, right? And so, you know that's we want to make sure that that that we're recognizing that we're being driven by these deep, unconscious beliefs. If you're feeling stuck, or you're in any way, you can always trace it back to a self limiting belief that can be upgraded.
• 30:29
  Turo Virta: Yes, I I went a couple years back. I went also through on Excel development course. And for me personally, it was I found that it was what I was missing like it was. I was not aware of it. But when I asked myself seven times. It's called, I'm sure you are familiar with the exercise seven deep, and that you ask question that, what is what you want?
• 30:57
  Turo Virta: Like you can say that whatever goal loss, or you have a business goal, and then the next, next question is that, why that matters? Why is that?
• 31:04
  Turo Virta: Important for you, and you repeat that question seven times, and I found out. I went deeper. I was crying. I found out like that in my childhood, I I was missing love from my dad, and that was what I was chasing.
• 31:23
  Turo Virta: And it was always it showed up in many different like you said, you told it perfectly, like that. It was, it's missing from something. And then, you know, when you are not it's you are not good enough, or it's not enough what you do and trying to take care of others first, and kind of all or nothing, thinking that if you are not good at something, or you can't do it perfectly, then it's not worth of it even trying. And it was same thing now, like now was, for me, was, for example, strength training. I knew I should be doing it. I was doing it earlier. I was a professional ice hockey player, but then soon as I retired, was 10 years I didn't do it because it's maybe also my athletic background. I knew that it's there is no point of doing it, or my athletic thinking, that there is no point of doing 15 minute workout once or twice a week if I can't, if it's every if it's only 15 minutes. And now, when I changed my own thinking that, okay, I have to, I have to, that is my own health is a priority like it was. It's sad, but for me, what opened my eyes when my my dad got very sick, passed away at age of 60, lost his health at the age of 60 and passed away at 70, and that was such a big pain for me to see that happening.
• 32:52
  Turo Virta: And I was thinking that I'm now 44 and I might have a 15 another, another 15 years, if I if I'm doing but I said I'm not.
• 33:03
  Turo Virta: I'm not my dad. I do eat salad, I do exercise, but I have to do it. I have to prioritize. It's not only about making business or doing, helping others, whatever. And then I had to change my thoughts of exercising and and the way how I think. And now, now I think that my only goal is to get started. I don't I never need to finish my workout, and I rather do shorter workouts than trying to do one and a half hour session as as earlier. So those are, those are really, really how things are changing. And now, when I think that I look back, I love to watch always end of the year, how consistent I have been and, and I gotta say that every single month, that two to three times a week, I did start my strength training and, and that, in the end, that it's that consistency what matters, and obviously the way, how you feel yourself and, and it's not away from something else. It's I still believe that I am, if not better, taking care of my clients, helping people.
• 34:12
  Turo Virta: Business is doing great. So it's not it's just that belief, like you said in your mind, what is there happening?
• 34:20
  Tim Shur: Yes, I mean, that's a beautiful story and and I love those questions that you're asking yourself. And you know, when we recognize that we feel like we're missing something, sometimes we have to make that the goal upgrading those beliefs and figuring out what we're missing. And then our goal is to fill ourselves up with whatever we feel is missing. So if you felt like you were missing that love from Dad, I've I've talked to a lot of guys over the years who felt like and women who felt like, no matter what they did, it wasn't enough. They would get a 99% on a test, and their mom and dad would say, why didn't you get 100% right? And so it just makes us feel like, even when we're doing really well, it's not enough. And then eventually we get tired of being let down, so we just stop trying. Yeah, and so, you know, if you wanted that love, because remember when sometimes people, especially in the older generations, you know, the children, were not the center of the family. They were more accessories. You know, it's not like it is now, where families revolve around their children.
• 35:29
  Tim Shur: It was very different back then, and so, you know, a lot of people did not show affection or did not get praise, and we're not, you know, their feelings weren't even considered. And some people have this belief.
• 35:42
  Tim Shur: Some adults have this belief, or parents have this belief that you have to keep correcting your child and keep showing them what they're doing wrong so they can get better. You're toughening them up. You're preparing them for the world. We don't realize what we're also doing is ruining their self esteem. Okay? Because people, you know, if you catch people doing things wrong all the time. Always feel wrong. You have to catch people doing things right. You got to emphasize what they're doing well, you know, and build them up that way. Yeah. So, so there's been a lot of people who have been, you know, accidentally hurting their kids self esteem, even though in their mind, they thought they were raising stronger, healthier, more, you know, mature adults who are going to be ready for this difficult world that we live in, yeah. And so we're just learning more and more how the mind really works and how we need to take care of each other in this way and and that it's that it matters and it should be a priority. So when we feel like, you know, I was missing love, what do we do? We give ourselves love every day, right? That's the first thing we do. We love ourselves, we we encourage ourselves, we support ourselves, and we make ourselves feel like we can do anything we put our mind to. And when you come from a place of love, and you come from a place of feeling secure, and you come from a place of encouragement and hope, the motivation will flow naturally. It won't be a challenge for you to take care of yourself, because you feel good already. You're no longer chasing something. You already have it because you're giving it to yourself. And when you make that a priority, everything else will fall into place.
• 37:24
  Turo Virta: That's so well said.
• 37:24
  Turo Virta: And, and, yeah, i i that those your words. They are so wise word words and and I want to, I want to talk little bit about self sabotage and emotional healing. Goes, that is what most of my clients, people who are listening this, they are overeating at night, when they are tired, more stressed. So what is going on there? What might be the belief under that habit?
• 37:58
  Tim Shur: Yeah, it's the same ones. It's the same beliefs. So here's what I do when I'm in a session. It doesn't matter what the bad habit is. In Session One, we do the awakening experience, where I basically have them start with a feeling, you know, like I want to I want to overeat, or I want to snack at night, or I can't stop eating, or I have these cravings. Okay, so we start with that feeling, and then we just follow it back to the very first time they ever felt that feeling, and their subconscious mind takes them right back to the moment where they needed or where that belief that's driving that behavior or that feeling was formed. So a lot of times they'll go right back to when they were six years old. And so it happened, you know, yesterday I was working with someone very successful businessman. But, you know, he's 280 pounds and and he needs to lose weight. And so he went back in time to this moment when his parents were fighting.
• 39:01
  Tim Shur: They ended up getting a divorce.
• 39:06
  Tim Shur: He was little. He was, like, five years old. He didn't understand what was going on. He felt very afraid. And, you know, there was snack foods on the table, and so he just started eating. And he noticed that when he ate, it made him feel good.
• 39:23
  Tim Shur: And so he really focused on eating the food, and he kind of blocked out the screaming and the yelling that was going on behind him, and he just focused on that good feeling he was getting from eating. So his brain formed a couple of beliefs, one that you know, that I'm not worthy enough of being loved because my parents are fighting, and it must somehow be my fault, because our brain makes up all kinds of false ideas. And then the second belief is that this food is comfort, this food is love, this food makes me feel safe. This food is something I can control, because I can control how much I eat. I can control I got variety. I can eat this. I can eat that right? So it's meeting my needs, for certainty and for variety and for significance and for connection. It's hitting all my most important needs. And so it creates this belief that food is how I feel safe now his whole life, every time he gets stressed out, every time he's having pressure in his business, every time he's having pressure in his marriage, every time he's worried about his kids, he goes and he eats. And even though he's been gaining weight with this and people are telling him, and he knows better, you can't fight yourself, he has these uncontrollable cravings and urges for food and sugar. But it's not the food and sugar.
• 40:45
  Tim Shur: He's having uncontrollable urges to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel comforted, to know that he's going to be okay. And instead of loving himself and telling himself that and giving himself a hug or sharing it with his spouse so that she can help him feel safe, he shoves it all down. Along with a whole bunch of calories. And so what we did was we went and we upgraded that belief. We went and created a new experience. We took the adult version of him, the person who had gained more wisdom, more life experience, more understanding of how the world works, and way more power than he had when he was five years old. He took the adult version of him back into that moment in time. We made the parents quiet down and apologize. Then we asked five what he needed most from this older version of himself. You know, what do you it's not Turo what you needed from your dad. It's what the little boy inside of you wants from you, because he might want it from your dad and your mom and from other people in your life, but he wants it and needs it most from you, and you're the only one that has the power to give him that. And so we ask him, Do you need more love? Do you need more self acceptance?
• 41:58
  Tim Shur: Do you need more support? Do you need more protection? Do you need more understanding? And usually it's a few of those.
• 42:04
  Tim Shur: Sometimes it's all of it, and it's almost always I need love and acceptance and encouragement, or I need to feel protected and safe. And then we give ourselves that. So we're creating a new emotional experience in our mind, where we give ourselves the feelings and the resources that if we would have had them, then maybe it wouldn't have been so traumatic.
• 42:25
  Tim Shur: And then once we help them feel safe emotionally, then we ask, what's the belief you used to have? And then what would you rather believe instead? Well, the belief I used to have is I'm not safe, and food makes me feel comforted. What would I rather believe instead? I now believe that I am safe, that I am loved, because I love me. And, you know, I no longer live to eat i Eat to Live.
• 42:49
  Turo Virta: Wow, so well said.
• 42:49
  Turo Virta: So what is then? Because I'm sorry I'm shooting these questions. There's so much I want to know and goes to your answers. They are just amazing.
• 43:04
  Turo Virta: So I see many, many people they they might have been in there they are now in their 40s or 50s and in their 20s, they just said that I just was eating less and weight dropped, and now nothing is working. And so that is, that is for me, because then and then they think that I just need a little bit willpower. So, but because there is a there is a difference. What is the difference between willpower and beliefs? So why willpower alone is not enough for long term change?
• 43:44
  Tim Shur: Because that's an excellent question. Willpower is your conscious mind, right?
• 43:48
  Tim Shur: That's the analytical, logical part of you that's trying to talk yourself into doing something that you don't really want to do at an emotional level. And so your emotions will take over. You know, if we were talking about sales, we would say that people, you know, buy because they want something, because they feel like they want it or they need it, and then they justify it with logic, right? But we buy because of feelings. Well, we all our behavior is often because of feelings that are being driven by being driven by these software programs, by these beliefs in our brain. So willpower is you logically trying to talk yourself out of something, but then your feelings come in and take over and so, and you know, you also have your habits. So if you've been doing something for a long time, and then you try to do something different, it's going to feel weird, it's going to feel off, it's not going to feel natural, and our brain likes to feel safe, so it will go back to what we know, right? So if we're always overeating, you know, or we're never exercising, our brains going to naturally want to go back to that, because that's the comfort zone. That's what we know. But we have to learn how to expand our comfort zone. Once you start exercising for a couple of weeks, you start to want to do it, you start to crave it, you start to look forward to it because it makes you feel so good, you're not battling it anymore. In fact, if you miss a day, you feel off, and you say to yourself, I can't wait to get into it tomorrow, so I feel better again, right? So, but so that's why willpower doesn't last, because your your emotions take over instead, and and so it's not because you're weak, it's not because you need more power. It's because you're fighting your brain. You got one part of you going in one direction and one part of you going in another direction, right? And it creates a conflict inside, and you can only fight yourself for low so long before you finally give in, because it's exhausting, right? People have cravings, and they try to ignore them, you know, for so long until they finally give in.
• 45:46
  Tim Shur: And then they just binge, right?
• 45:49
  Tim Shur: Because they can't function, or they're like, I gotta get on with my life. So they just give in. So what you do is you get rid of the craving by, you know, asking yourself, what am I really craving? Right? What I'm really craving is connection, variety, love. Some joy.
• 46:09
  Turo Virta: And how do you, how do you when you start to like, when you start to work like?
• 46:13
  Turo Virta: Would you recommend to work with someone? Or is there some kind of, if there is no listener who wants to start today, at home with or with no goats or no hypnosis, and what is that? One simple exercise, if you have any, to find that hidden belief, like, what is there? Like, what or what you are looking
• 46:40
  Tim Shur: well, we've, we've shared many of them. The first thing I would have them do is call you up and work with you, because you can take them through those seven questions, and now, based on our conversation, you can help them figure out what's really driving them, what what they're really believing and then, and then help them feel loved, and then help them to create these deposits of love by how they take care of themselves with the fitness program that you provide for them. But at the same time, you know, we can really focus on those beliefs. It is challenging to do it by yourself, because you cannot see your own blind spots, and we do. You know, human beings need each other, and so sharing that journey with someone else can be very impactful. The second fastest thing they can do is just go to Amazon and get my book, you know, losing weight without losing your mind, because it has all these exercises in it. And I put all my best strategies in there, and you can take yourself through the experiences.
• 47:38
  Tim Shur: Everything I'm sharing with you is in that book. So all my, yeah, everything, I put everything in that book. So, so you can do that. And then if, if you really feel like you need to upgrade your unconscious programming, I do zoom sessions with clients all over the world.
• 47:52
  Tim Shur: And so, you know, we could always do something like that, awesome.
• 47:58
  Turo Virta: I'm, I'm going to go like, it's, I'm even my goal is I work with so many people, and this is something like, like I said in the beginning, like most of the people, knowledge is not the problem. It's that those blind spots, what many of them, they might know what or, like most people, they know what they are struggling. It's either emotional eating or whatever it might be the issue, and they know what they are doing wrong and very well. Often, of course, they don't know what that they are always like doing, also something well, but all those those beliefs behind and how to start changing them that start to change that long term, like, because everybody knows that, and that is, that is what I as a coach, is the biggest struggle for me, because they like women in their 40s, 50s, they come and say that, okay, this keto diet, or whatever diet name you have, and this is working, or this work for my best friend. So I want to try the same and I'm there like that. No, we are not if, or, in my opinion, like, okay, those diets, they are all good. I'm not promoting any diet, and that you you have to find your way and why you are, why these things are, why you are sabotaging yourself. And when you find those blind spots, what is there actually going on behind, then you know, you can start adding something. And it's always, always, there is no it's for every person. It's different,
• 49:36
  Tim Shur: yes, yeah, and you need help sorting that out, right? And so that's why it's so good to have a coach to help you sort that out. And but it's almost always the same, even when people say, No, that's not it. I had a good childhood.
• 49:51
  Tim Shur: There's always a conflict underneath there, and we got to figure out what it is. And so sometimes we upgrade the beliefs. Sometimes we've got to let go of the anger, the hurt, the self pity, the resentment that's inside. You know that sometimes you can be eating well and you can be exercising and not losing weight, and it's because you have high stress, and so you're constantly dripping cortisol into your body, which shuts down your body's ability to lose weight.
• 50:21
  Tim Shur: In fact, it's storing it right, because it's protecting you, in case you need to, you know, run or fight or, you know, protect yourself, and so that cortisol is is shutting down your metabolism and your weight loss and So, alright, well, where's that high stress coming from?
• 50:36
  Tim Shur: You know, you know it's coming from fear. I'm not afraid, you know, I'm just, you know, making it happen, right? Like you had mentioned before, when you were exercising, because you were doing it professionally, and then all of a sudden you're not doing that professionally, and now you're creating this new identity, this new coaching business, right? That creates a lot of stress and uncertainty.
• 50:58
  Tim Shur: So there's a part of you you might not have said, I'm not afraid, you know. And you're an athlete, you're a warrior, you're not coming from fear, but you. Might have said I'm stressed, yeah, right. I got to figure out who I am now that stress is still fear. The stress is Who am I, or am I ever going to have that feeling again? Or am I ever going to achieve like I have before, or I'm falling apart now? And what if I only got so many days left? Yeah? So so that, yeah, so all that pressure inside, then can cause us to feel like I don't even want to deal with it, right? And so then that's not why we're not exercising, or why we have to do an hour and a half. Because 15 minutes isn't enough, yeah, but it is. You can have 15 minutes of fulfillment, right? Or what you do in that 15 minutes, you know, real heavy weights or something like that. So, yeah, so it's all the story that we tell ourselves, and when we upgrade the story, and we upgrade the beliefs that are driving the story, it immediately upgrades our life, even if nothing outside of our lives change. Changes the way that we look at the world changes. You know, there's a saying that you don't see the world as it is. You see the world is you are,
• 52:17
  Turo Virta: is there? Is there?
• 52:17
  Turo Virta: Is there? Some like us. I'm like you said that you are. If there is someone who is listening like, you know, who tends to pinch it or skip workouts. Is there some like a self script?
• 52:30
  Turo Virta: What you could use, if someone, if I, if I'm like, I use my example. I don't want to take anyone else, even I happen to know someone who always happened to pinch or skip workouts. But for example, if I'm about to skip my workout, what do you would would you do? You have any, any self talk script, what I what people could tell themselves in that those moments when they are about to do something, what they know deep inside they shouldn't be doing.
• 53:05
  Tim Shur: So, you know, one of the things you can do is you can get clear on what your values are and what matters most to you in life, and then you always default back to your values, right? Because life is always going to try to challenge you.
• 53:17
  Tim Shur: It's like a game. It's going to try to get you off script to see what you do. And so your values are like your compass. So if you have your values of what matters most to you, and you write it down and and so let's just say that, you know, I need to exercise. Why do I need to exercise? What's the value? The value is I want to make sure that I'm taking care of myself, so that I have the patience with my wife, and that I'm being a good role model for my kids, and then I'm healthy for them long term, because what I do now is going to affect me 10 years from now, and I want to be healthy for my grandchildren. So now I'm doing this not just for me or for weight loss. I'm doing this because I want to be a good father. I want to be a good grandfather, right? I want to be a good husband. And so I'm tying it to something more than just vanity, right? Or just something that I need to get checked off my list. I need to make sure that I am connecting with God, so I'm going to walk and I'm going to pray. Or I need to empower myself today, so I'm going to listen to my audio book, or I need to have a little bit of joy in my life, so I'm going to listen to an entertaining book or a comedian or or, you know, some kind of story while I'm doing my fitness, or even watch a movie while I'm on the treadmill, and turn on Netflix and watch a part of my show, so that I feel like my life isn't just about work, but I'm also enjoying myself.
• 54:36
  Tim Shur: And so now, if you understand what your values are, then you can start to tie your values to what you're doing. And so that's a strategy. Another strategy that you can use is you can ask yourself on a scale of 10 to zero, where 10 you really want to do it? You're totally committed, and zero you don't want to do it at all. What number would you give yourself when it comes to exercise? Okay, and so we could. I'm going to just because of time. I'm going to go through it real fast. But the first thing you do is, let's say they give it a five. No, I want to do it, but I'm not totally committed to it. Okay, what would get it down to a two?
• 55:18
  Tim Shur: And they're like, What Aren't I supposed to be motivated? No, let's start with what unmotivates You. So what would get it to a two? Well, I'd have to go outside to exercise because it's really cold, and I don't want to be freezing. Okay, so you have to go outside. It has to be really cold. Okay, now what would get it down to a zero where you don't want to do this at all? Okay? Well, I'd have to feel like too late, and then I'm running all day and I don't have time, and it's messing up my schedule. Okay? So now we know that if, if you don't go to bed on time at night, then when you wake up, you're going to wake up late, and then you're not going to do it, because it messes up your schedule. Okay, what we're doing is we're finding all their excuses for what would mess it up? What would get it to like a negative two. Well, I have to be super sweat. And I don't have time to take a shower, and I would just sit there and feel gross all day. Okay, great, all right. And you could keep going, Yeah, I might go down to a negative five, and then they're going to tell me reasons why I didn't sleep well at night. So I'm tired now. Okay, great, so I know that I got to give them a program to help them sleep better at night, then I'm like, Okay, now, what would get it from a six to an eight? Five to an eight, you know? And maybe it's um, that I'm listening to the audiobooks. What would get it to a 10 if I'm walking with a friend? What would get it to a 12 if I'm walking with a group of people? Would get it to a 15 if I'm walking for charity and I'm raising money all of a sudden, you know? That would really help me feel good, because I like to give in that way, my sense of contribution, my need for that, right? And so now we know where they're going to get stuck, so we can prepare for that, and we know what makes them feel excited, so we can add to that. And now all of a sudden, they're super motivated, because they've never done anything like this. They're naturally feeling inspired in spirit, right? And and procrastination is something they used to do.
• 57:13
  Turo Virta: So good. This is such a great way like and so totally. It sounds very simple, but like most people think like, you know that it's if you that you need to go from five to six.
• 57:25
  Turo Virta: But how do I get there, I don't know, but if you go like, start with the opposite, going to other direction. And those are very, very good questions to ask yourself and also learn about yourself, awesome. Time flew so quickly. I still have a couple quick questions. So to wrap up this episode. So what is one belief about fitness or weight loss that you wish everyone would delete from their brain today,
• 57:55
  Tim Shur: that they could delete from their brain? Yeah? Okay, so yeah, the negative belief that people have is, I'm not a priority in my own life. We should delete that. Yeah, because we feel like our work is our priority, our children is our priority, our spouse is our priority, our our to do list is a priority. I had a woman tell me one time she said, I want to work out, but I'm just afraid my cat is going to think I'm crazy.
• 58:25
  Tim Shur: Your cat. So so people just don't prioritize themselves, and we know why. That's what we talked about in this episode.
• 58:35
  Turo Virta: Yeah, that is so good. And what is then, one belief you would love every listener, listener to install instead.
• 58:43
  Tim Shur: I am more than enough.
• 58:43
  Tim Shur: I was born this way, right? I'm a reflection of the perfection.
• 58:51
  Turo Virta: And if someone hears this and feels broken or too far gone, what you would say to them right now,
• 59:00
  Tim Shur: oh, that is impossible. I've spent my year, you know, 30 years, helping people who've been through the worst experiences that we can go through as human beings, and I've watched them transform, I've watched them triumph. I've watched them achieve what they thought was impossible. And we all have it inside of us. And so if you have a desire to make your life better, and you do, or you want to even be listening to a program like this, then you also have the ability to make it happen, and today's episode was just for you. So use these tools. Believe in yourself. And you know, let's start making making this, you know, making the change happen inside of you,
• 59:42
  Turo Virta: awesome and where people can find you or your book, one belief away other book or your podcast, if they want to go deeper.
• 59:53
  Tim Shur: Yes, you can go to Amazon to find my books. Just do a search on Tim Sure, and then my website is i n d, y, hypnosis.com, that's the best place to get a hold of me. I n, d y, hypnosis.com, and you know, if you need some help, reach out. And otherwise, I really appreciate you having me on the show and asking such wonderful questions. I really appreciate all the value you're adding to so many people.
• 1:00:25
  Turo Virta: Turo, oh, thank you, Tim, so much. This was I learned so much. I hope if you listened and you learned something or had some value from this episode, please leave a review and or share this episode with one of your friends. Thank you so much, Tim. I really, really appreciate I put all those links in the show notes, so make sure you check show notes for the links.
• 1:00:49
  Turo Virta: Thank you so much for listening and talk to you soon you.