Latest / Brooke and Jeffrey: Phone Taps / Phone Tap: Bundle Your Grave

Transcript

Phone Tap: Bundle Your Grave · Brooke and Jeffrey: Phone Taps

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I need to ask a question to the room. It's
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Brook and Jeffrey in the morning. Is it okay to
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: make fun of the dead? I think it depends not
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: the recently dead.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: I mean like like long time ago. How far back
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: can we go? Like early nineteen hundred's. Oh yeah, but
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: can I roast Napoleon? Oh? Are we okay with that?
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: I take down Napoleon today?
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: All right, you take them down more?
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Sure. I only ask because I call a lady
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: and tell her I'm the new owner of the cemetery
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: where her great great grandparents are buried.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Oh my, it's actually maybe too soon. Still, I'm not
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: sure she doesn't even know who they are. I literally
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: say their names. She's never heard of that.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: But I've decided some changes need to be made immediately.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: In your phone tap right now, Brooking Jeffrey's phone taps
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: on the twenties. Hello, Hi, is this Kim? Yeah?
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Who's calling Kim from the Detroit Metro Area High School?
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: That's me? But who's this?
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: My name is Barry Bury the Grave and I've been
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: trying to reach you for quite some time.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I am so glad I got ahold of you.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Oh okay, what is this called about, right?
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: I'm the owner of the Little Hill East Cemetery where
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: your great great grandparents were laid to rest back in
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: eighteen eighty nine.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: My great great grandparents.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know Cecilia and Thaddeus.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: No, no, not really.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Well, if you've done a family tree, then you've probably
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: seen their names, right, I mean I.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: Am maybe a long time ago. I saw them, but
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: I don't really know much about them. What is it
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: going to do with me?
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: So you're a descendant of them, and here's the situation.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Being the new owner of this cemetery. I've decided to
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: change up the business model a little bit. Make it
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: a subscription service.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: What what are you talking about? It it's a graveyard.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I know this is probably way too much information,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: but cemeteries don't really make a lot of money these
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: days unless you make it a monthly subscriber based fee.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: What are you even saying?
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, for nineteen ninety nine a month, we can
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: keep your relatives Cecilia and Thaddeus here with us, resting
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: comfortably in their current plot.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Isn't that a nice thought? Yeah?
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: But I've never heard of anything.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Like this, Like, yeah, okay, well, it's a new thing
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: that we're trying out here. But before you decide whether
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: or not to take advantage of this fantastic opportunity, the
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: subscription does come with a few perks.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: Is this really happening? I mean, this is so unbelievable.
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: It sure is.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: It's quite the opportunity because we'll give you edging and
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: mowing of their area twice a month now instead of
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: just once a year.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: Oh what a year. You guys should be doing that
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: all the time. That's like, that's just natural us.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Right, Why for nineteen ninety nine you will and when
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: we host outdoor movie nights, their headstones will be roped
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: off and no one anymore.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Is going to be allowed to sit on them. But
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: they did last summer.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Last summer. Yeah, last summer you had people sitting on
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: my great grandparents for movie nights and a cemetery.
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: It's actually great great grandparents.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: Whatever and whatever.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: It's a whole lot of fun.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: This seems really really icky. It seems like you you're
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: shaking me down from my relatives. So this is just wrong.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Listen, how's this?
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I'll even throw in a complimentary beyond the grave social
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: media package for them? What is that you will set
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: up a Twitter for them.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Oh no, no, no.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: No, we have fun with it.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: You can tell us which political candidates they would support.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: They can get into petty arguments with each.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Other over internet trolls.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: Can you just stop, please just stop. Wait, this is
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: just going way too far. This is just beyond weird.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: We don't have to get political. We can go a
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: little bit lighter with the tweets. How about this not
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: to flex, but have lost a lot of weight.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Since the funeral? Hashtag body goals?
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: What what are you even saying? Well, that's ridiculous.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: They died a long time ago. It's like centuries ago.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, we're doing this.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Look at it this way.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: It's the perfect time because we've got a Bogo deal
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: going on and you've got two bodies here, so you
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: could save even more by bundling.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Did you just say bundling bodies? Do you even realize
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: what you just said?
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: You have to bundle or you're going to lose the
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: family discount, which doesn't make financial sense.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: Well, this is really really insensitive. It's very craft. It's
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: just growth, and I just I can't believe you're the
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: owner of a Cemeterian I can't believe this.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I feel bad about making you feel uncomfortable.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: Well you should.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you a
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: discount code. No, when you're ready, go to the website
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: Brooke and Jeffrey, and you'll get Hulu for two months
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: free courtesy great great grandparents.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: Poke who I don't even understand.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: It's Brooke and Jeffrey and that's actually a morning radio
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: show that does pranks on people like this one.
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: What are you talking about?
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry about this, Kim, but my real name is
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: jeff and your sister Linda set you up for a
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: phone tap on the radio.
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, Oh my god.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: You talk about bundling bodies. I'm like, what is this?
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: But we're trying to help you out, give you a
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: little bit of a deal, right. We're like the insurance companies,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: you know how they bundle home and auto. We're bundling
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: grandpa and grandma. Sorry, great great grandpa and grandma.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, sounds like a great deal. I can't believe
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: I didn't take advantage of that.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Cecilia and Fattius, thank you for that.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: I've never heard of them, but of course
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: It's broken, Jeffrey's phone taps on the twenties