Latest / Voice Notes to the Universe / Voice Note #121—Can I just love every single piece of me?
Transcript
- speaker-0: Yeah. Here's another another voice note to the universe. god. I swear to you, I you know, you think that you I hate to use the word ⁓ I'm so over the the term like healing journey. It's like fuck that shit. I'm over it, right? Pretty much. speaker-1: you you speaker-0: So but it's it's I don't know, maybe a better way. An awakening, blah blah blah old, you know, like it's overused, whatever. speaker-1: you speaker-0: Maybe a better way to explain it is this inner self-exploration, right? And I'm just learning about myself, right? I'm learning that I have many different pieces to me, and that I wear many different masks. And that just because I wear many different masks and I speaker-1: you speaker-0: have many different pieces of me and I may there's I don't and I'm really trying to think I don't think there's one person in this world well maybe one but I don't even know. ⁓ you know, that knows fully and wholly who I am. And honestly, there's no one who knows me and every version of me t wholly because I don't even know every version of me because I'm always finding new versions of me every day. speaker-1: you speaker-0: I truly I am. And I love that about ⁓ about about this I love that about me, I was gonna say, which sounds egoic, but I mean, not really. It just means I enjoy me. I love me. I love learning new things about me. You know, I'm y I'm so and we all are, you know, w and that's what I love about other people too, really. You know, because how the way I hold space for myself is the way I I hold space for others, you know? And that's how we all do it. If you're impatient with people, well, how are you with yourself? Truly, because because how we react or respond to other people is how we react and respond to ourselves, if we're truly honest. So I just I love, you know, learning these new things about myself and and I've also had to learn to love the things I don't like about me. Those those pieces of me or those not even those pieces but those versions of me. Because they have their own sovereign energy, that I reject, ⁓ that I complain about, that I I I shame, I'm angry with. speaker-1: Thank speaker-0: And that I wanna just I wanna push them away and I don't even wanna acknowledge them and and and I just there there there there's these ex there are these exiles within me. And then I become fragment. And yeah, I become fragmented. And I'm not truly whole. And I I guess maybe in some practices or traditions or beliefs. I don't know, is that what they would call like a ⁓ a soul retrieval, perhaps, right? speaker-1: you speaker-0: You know, is it a soul retrieval or is it just connecting with our humanness really in an authentic and loving way? speaker-1: you speaker-0: It's a way to to witness and honor every piece of us because every piece of us, even the things that we want to shame and reject, well, they're there to to show us something, to teach us something. Maybe they're there to protect us some in some way. And so it's just loving all these pieces and calling them home and sitting with them. And not bullying them and just allowing them to exist and not judging them. speaker-1: you you speaker-0: And just knowing that it's okay that all these people all these people that's what it feels like 'cause I refer to those pieces. Like I look at them like as as people, like just different versions of me, right? But that's that's my way so that I can speaker-1: you speaker-0: take some of the harshness out and the critic out it makes sense to me. And I it probably would make sense to people. Some people all right, I'm rambling and over explaining myself. See, isn't that interesting? But to go back, the whole point of this really was to say that speaker-1: you you speaker-0: you go through this and like you're chugging along this inner exploration and you're healing and you're seeing certain things about yourself some yourself and patterns and behaviors and belief systems and you know, all these different things and then you think you're doing all right and then that person walks into your life and it's like, I know you I know you. I've seen you before. speaker-1: back. you speaker-0: Different face, but same energy baby. Same energy, different face. But slightly evolved. But maybe, you know, ⁓ maybe, but maybe not, right? And so you're like, fuck me, man. Why is this shit happening again? I thought we worked through this, right? You know, ⁓ 'cause it w this was just ⁓ from my experience is I was having you know, finding people coming in and out of my life that ⁓ like it's hard to explain but you know being lied to or gaslit or ghosted or a breadcrumbing or future faking or you know people and it's not just men, although men are a big piece of this for me. you know, ⁓ it be it can be women, I'm just say people. But I have a wounding there with men. I'm not gonna lie. You know. It's not that and but it's something that I that I work through. But so then you you you ⁓ it's like that that piece and so it's like okay well what do you what do you what am I noticing? I'm meeting people speaker-1: you you you speaker-0: And also when it comes to relationship, okay, I'm I'm ⁓ meeting men that are a bit avoidant in some way, right? And so then I had to if I'm looking like okay, well I keep see feeling the same energy. And we'll take we'll we'll take relationships for for you know, context. speaker-1: you speaker-0: Okay, this happens, you know, you make a connection, they pull back and it's not because you know they don't like you. You know they like you. You know they do. Right? But there's this pullback. And so in the beginning I'm like, ⁓ what's wrong with me? I'm so unlovable. Like what's wrong with me? I feel so rejected. You know, and I can go down into all of my wounding and those are some of my big woundings of feeling rejected and abandoned. And I've had so many issues of people lying and gaslighting. But like so that hits a wound. But I I I'll tell you, the fucking worst thing you can do is just ignore me as if I don't exist. Ooh, bitch. You'll see a whole nother side of me. Now listen, that's the wounding coming out of me. That used to be. See, but it's still a little bit of a trigger, baby. It's still a little bit of a trigger, right? But I'm learning because again, this is not something that I've mastered, and I don't know if I will ever master it because I always feel like there's new things. I think it just becomes perhaps speaker-1: you speaker-0: a little bit more second nature, ⁓ where you notice things a little bit quicker and you're you're able to kind of work through the energy a little bit easier or a little wiser, right? But so I w yeah, so I I would go there like, ⁓ what's wrong with me? But now I've learning, okay, this is here for a reason. What is this showing me? What is what is this What is this trying to show me? Because I'm obviously I'm not seeing something. And then I had to say, okay, we're all a mirror. If this person is ⁓ perhaps they are avoidant, right, in some way. I have to look at my life, at least this is for me. This is, you know, just how I work through it. Of I look at my life and I say, okay. speaker-1: you you speaker-0: Where am I avoidant? Where in my life am I being avoidant? If I'm really, you know, if I'm really honest with myself. If I'm really like brutally honest and I'm listening to my heart, right? Where am I being avoidant? shit. I'm being avoidant in my career. Well, why are you being avoidant? What's what's stopping you from like speaker-1: you speaker-0: you know, getting things going or, you know, not gonna listen all the reasons as to why. You know, I've been tired, I've been moving through a lot, I'm exhausted, I'm healing, you know, like all these things. And then I I listen to that, okay, I'm gonna give that I'm gonna give that grace and I'm gonna give that that space 'cause all of those things are true. All of those things are true. Yes, it is true. You're working through a lot of ⁓ emotional deep heavy stuff that you're working through, right? You're you're working through health issues, you know all these things. True, true, true, true, true down the line. But now if we're honest if we're honest, even though we're working through all those things, is there space to also hold the honesty of speaker-1: You speaker-0: kind of avoiding this because I'm overwhelmed by this. Right? And I know I could start in little steps and I know there's little things that I could do that actually by not because I'm not doing this, it's giving me a little bit of anxiety, but there's a stirring within me that I know I really want to. So what's stopping me? ⁓ maybe there's a fear of ⁓ failure. ⁓ wait and there's also a fear of success ⁓ this fear of being seen, which all stems from this fear of rejection and at the core of that is I am not good enough. Right? Like that's how it fucking works for me. And and and that's that's honesty and that's clarity. Yes. And so we're gonna hold space for for all of this and just be kind and and give myself grace. speaker-1: you you speaker-0: it's but it's a practice. It certainly is a practice and it's a practice of radical acceptance and radical compassion and this radical permission to just be and just to allow it to all sit and not Feel the need to reject it or shame it or even change it right in this moment. Just allow those pieces of me to just exist. And then, you know, have a conversation individually to kind of get to the root of it. Like, okay. And that conversation is just listening, right? My my part of the conversation. speaker-1: you you speaker-0: you know, ⁓ when I'm talking about my egos, I'm I'm needing to sit with those parts that feel all those things and the shame and maybe exiled pieces of me. They need the most love, right? And can it just all can it just all exist? Can I just love every single piece of me with no judgment? What the fuck did I even start? speaker-1: you you speaker-0: this conversation with. I have no fucking idea. Alright, I'm done with this conversation. Toodaloo.