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I Stopped Asking What's Wrong With Me | EP321 · Confident and Empowered Women

• 0:05
  Okay, picture me rolling.
• 0:07
  No, no, no.
• 0:09
  Picture me single, wondering for the eleventy-hundredth time what in the world was wrong with me, why everybody else got the ring and I got another it's-not-you-it's-me text.
• 0:24
  I used to think I just hadn't found the right one yet, but as the years go by, you can't help but wonder if it's you And not in a good way.
• 0:35
  Turns out I hadn't found me yet, but not in the way you think, and it took losing the person who raised me to figure that out.
• 0:45
  So if you are standing in the middle of your single season and ready to call it quits again, before you delete that app, let's get into it And if you're new here, I'm Letitia.
• 0:58
  This is Confident and Empowered Women.
• 1:00
  We talk about all the stuff that you think about at 10 o'clock at night when the house is finally quiet.
• 1:07
  okay?
• 1:08
  We are having the conversations you may not be having anywhere else.
• 1:12
  So hit that subscribe button right now before you forget.
• 1:15
  Trust me, your future self will thank you For doing yourself this favor Okay, friend, listen.
• 1:23
  I'm taking you back into the depths of my single season because it was treacherous out in them dating streets, okay?
• 1:31
  And arguably pee infested.
• 1:38
  Now, while those sentiments feel true and I know you got the receipts to back it up, and there is something else happening here.
• 1:47
  It's what's playing in the background like elevator music you barely hear, but your subconscious is soaking up every note.
• 1:55
  When you've been single past the point of fun and you're beyond over it, you're probably wondering just like I was Because I could not stop asking what was wrong with me.
• 2:08
  Why couldn't I find the love of my life?
• 2:10
  Why was it working out for everybody but me?
• 2:14
  And friend, if you are close to being that last single person in your friend group, you already know everybody is wondering, what's wrong with you?
• 2:25
  And only some of them have the courage to actually ask you to your face, Hello, Aunt Barbara.
• 2:31
  'Cause you know there's always somebody in your family who gonna ask.
• 2:42
  The one that's straight up no chaser.
• 2:47
  And here's the part that even I was afraid to say out loud because part of what had me convinced love wasn't coming for me was what I was watching.
• 2:59
  Yep.
• 3:00
  Back then I was deep in my Love Hip Hop era watching somebody get cheated on every episode And whether you realize it or not, 'cause I know I didn't, I started to believe that was just what men were.
• 3:17
  It wasn't until I started to pay attention to what I was feeding my mind that I realized I needed to trade Love Hip Hop for the Hallmark Channel.
• 3:29
  I needed said businessman To come and save the town and fall in love with me in the process.
• 3:37
  Because I didn't need new men, I needed new beliefs.
• 3:42
  And even when a good one did show up, I had this fear underneath everything.
• 3:48
  The second I had to tell a man this is what I wanted, marriage, a real future, I'd feel this fear creep in that I was gonna push him away, and I promise you, he could feel that tension too.
• 4:03
  Listen, fear does not stay quiet.
• 4:06
  It leaks out, and we think men can't pick up on it, okay?
• 4:11
  Lies.
• 4:14
  I'm convinced they have a canine sense for women with low self-esteem, low self-love, and anything else you could put in front of self, okay?
• 4:26
  And here's the pattern I did not see at the time.
• 4:30
  Real talk, I was too busy scanning the outside for what was wrong with men Or what was wrong with love that I never once turned the question toward figuring out who I actually was.
• 4:44
  I was looking for somebody to complete a life I hadn't even got to know yet.
• 4:50
  Then my mom made her transition to heaven, and friend, I did not know who I was without her.
• 4:57
  I felt so lost.
• 4:59
  And in the middle of the hardest, most devastating season of my life, my quest for love was quietly turned into a quest to find me.
• 5:10
  And I wasn't even trying to get to know myself so that I could attract somebody.
• 5:15
  I was just trying to survive, okay?
• 5:19
  But in that process, I finally opened my eyes and fell in love with myself.
• 5:26
  That's when self-love, my self-worth, and self-trust grew more in one season of grief than it had in years of searching for love.
• 5:37
  Because you cannot fall in love with somebody else's version of you.
• 5:42
  You have to fall in love with the one who's already there.
• 5:47
  You are already whole, already complete.
• 5:51
  You were never the one who was missing something.
• 5:55
  So that question, what's wrong with me, it does you no justice.
• 6:00
  It just keeps you swirling around in insecurities and the things that you don't like, which ultimately just make you feel bad about yourself.
• 6:09
  And asking low vibration questions will always give you low vibration answers every single time.
• 6:17
  And we're no longer about that life, okay?
• 6:21
  It's time to start asking empowering questions that actually support you in a positive way instead of dragging you down to the pits of H-E-double hockey sticks, okay?
• 6:36
  So what is that pivotal life event that is forcing you?
• 6:42
  Oh, no, wait a minute.
• 6:43
  Hold up.
• 6:43
  It's calling you up right now.
• 6:46
  And listen, I know it can feel like you're being called out, but you're actually being called up.
• 6:53
  So what is this asking you to see in yourself?
• 6:58
  Now I know we're in this era of healing, and it's such a buzzword.
• 7:04
  It's almost taken away the power of this word and what it's truly intended.
• 7:10
  So this isn't another conversation about healing, but just know that is what's happening, whether it's in the background or the foreground.
• 7:19
  And I wanna highlight a few things that you can look for in your own life so that it can make this single season feel worth it even now before the outcome shows up.
• 7:31
  I wanna do an audit with you because I wish I had something like this when I was in the thick of it.
• 7:40
  One, what are you feeding yourself right now?
• 7:44
  And I'm not just talking about what you got on your plate What are you watching on TV?
• 7:50
  What are you listening to, following on socials?
• 7:54
  What is your algorithm?
• 7:56
  Because newsflash, you get to create it.
• 7:59
  Does it currently support what you say you want?
• 8:03
  You say that you want a happy, healthy, committed relationship.
• 8:07
  Does your algorithm support that, or does it work against it?
• 8:13
  Yeah, this is where I had to give up my love and hip hop for the Hallmark Channel.
• 8:18
  Trust me, it really makes a difference Two, what are your beliefs about love, relationships, you and what you deserve in a relationship.
• 8:29
  These beliefs are driving subconsciously, and that's often why you keep end up feeling like you'll self-sabotage when you do finally meet a true potential partner.
• 8:41
  So if you believe love is for everybody else that fear that you'll never have a relationship or you don't believe that you deserve the best in a relationship.
• 8:52
  Friend, whatever you believe is right and your brain will do whatever it has to do to prove you right.
• 9:01
  So the question then becomes, do your beliefs support what you say you truly want?
• 9:09
  And three, do you see how amazing you really are?
• 9:14
  And no, I'm not hyping you up right here.
• 9:16
  This is a genuine question because you may not give yourself credit for overcoming all that you had to in order to get here.
• 9:26
  All of your success and accomplishments that you've achieved, the best qualities about you, what makes you unique and special, what you like and even love about yourself.
• 9:39
  Falling in love with yourself because the relationship you have with you is the one that mirrors itself back to you in all of your other relationships.
• 9:52
  This is really about seeing yourself for who you are.
• 9:57
  Because when you see you and love you fully Yes, I'm talking flaws, imperfections, and all included.
• 10:06
  You open the door for even more love to pour in the dots that it took me so long to connect was that my beliefs were always just showing me where I was at And don't get me wrong, sometimes
• 10:21
  you are being hidden on purpose God, source, universe got a crazy way of doing that sometimes for your own good too.
• 10:29
  But also, are you seeing you Because it is so hard for someone else to see the value in you, and you believe them if you don't also see the value in you.
• 10:45
  So this audit is definitely worth journaling about, friend.
• 10:49
  And remember, no shade, no shame, and no judgment.
• 10:52
  This is simply you recognizing where you are.
• 10:56
  And if you see something that doesn't align with what you truly desire, you get to make a change, but from an empowered place.
• 11:05
  And that, my friend, is self-love at its finest.
• 11:12
  Ooh, friend, listen.
• 11:14
  If you have been swirling in your single season way too long for your taste and high-key you're ready to give up on your dream relationship, But you know after yet another break, you'll be right back on the dating
• 11:31
  scene hoping for different results.
• 11:34
  Grab the main character energy journal prompts.
• 11:36
  They're linked for you in the show notes To get your relationship with you back on track, or maybe even for the first time ever, the kind of relationships you want with others is the one you deserve to have
• 11:50
  with yourself.
• 11:52
  So start now.
• 11:53
  It's beyond worth it And now it's time for our favorite, the self-love two-step with the remix Because it's easy to do, everybody can do it, and it always gets the party started.
• 12:10
  Okay, step one, catch the question.
• 12:14
  The next time you hear yourself asking, "What's wrong with me?"
• 12:18
  just stop and notice you're asking the wrong question entirely.
• 12:24
  let's ask something more empowering.
• 12:27
  You can even use some of the questions from the audit Step two, turn the search inward.
• 12:35
  Spend one week getting as curious about you as you have been getting about everybody else Just start to notice your patterns, your needs, what lights you up.
• 12:47
  And then step three is the you step.
• 12:51
  You already know.
• 12:52
  You get still, you get quiet, and you ask yourself, "What is my heart telling me to do next?"
• 13:00
  Because whatever comes up, that is your next right aligned step.
• 13:05
  You don't need the whole plan, just the next move.
• 13:08
  Trust her.
• 13:09
  She already knows Now let me pour into you real quick And listen, I know I say this often, and I'm gonna keep saying it.
• 13:20
  There is nothing wrong with you.
• 13:24
  You are already whole, complete, and lacking nothing.
• 13:29
  Did you know that?
• 13:31
  Even with flaws and imperfections.
• 13:35
  By the way, we all have them, okay?
• 13:37
  None of us are exempt.
• 13:41
  You don't need someone else to complete you because you are already whole You can have someone compliment you.
• 13:51
  And I'm not just talking about Telling you how good you look.
• 13:56
  But someone to actually compliment your heart, your uniqueness, and all of the wonderful things that make up just how amazing you truly are.
• 14:07
  Sometimes you do yourself a disservice because you haven't fully seen, acknowledged, accepted, and loved yourself as is.
• 14:20
  The things you thought were wrong with you were actually things you know you need to change or let go of.
• 14:27
  They don't truly represent who you are at your core, which is pure love and light.
• 14:35
  That is your work.
• 14:37
  And listen, we all got that work to do, okay, friend?
• 14:41
  We all have an obligation to do our work, and we also have the free will to do it or not.
• 14:49
  It just depends on if you want it bad enough.
• 14:53
  You have a dream on your heart for the relationships in your life.
• 14:59
  Truly, it's our most prized possessions So whether it's a romantic relationship or you with your child, your family, your friends, coworkers, neighbors, relationships bring some of our greatest life fulfillment.
• 15:17
  That's why your relationship with yourself is the most important, because it's easy to get disconnected as you have more responsibilities, more roles and titles to fill.
• 15:29
  You do your best to live this life, and any one of those things can disconnect you from you.
• 15:36
  and if your self-love is a little nonexistent, a cap has just been put on love.
• 15:43
  As soon as you put a cap on your love for yourself, you cap it for everyone else.
• 15:49
  Love is meant to flow freely, so take the limits off of love, starting with you All this time that you've been asking what's wrong with you, when the real invitation has been to get to know yourself during this
• 16:06
  season of your life At the time when I felt the most lost and disconnected from myself, I just needed to get to know me during that season.
• 16:17
  I had to get to know who I was without my mom physically here.
• 16:22
  I still knew quite a bit about myself, but there were new pieces and parts of myself that had risen to the surface that I needed to get to know, and it was such a gift to really see myself
• 16:39
  for who I am.
• 16:41
  And that's really the invitation, friend.
• 16:45
  So I hope you accept the invitation.
• 16:48
  Rest in your own wholeness and love yourself even more Oh, and if this helped you see yourself even just a little bit more clearly today, leave a review and tell me about it, friend.
• 17:05
  What's one thing you're learning about you in this season?
• 17:10
  Because listen, you deserve to fall in love with yourself, your days, and your life.
• 17:18
  Not someday, but right now.
• 17:20
  This conversation, this work that you just showed up for, this is how it happens, one layer at a time.
• 17:29
  And I'm gonna keep showing up for you in your earbuds every single week until you believe it.
• 17:35
  And I do mean every week.
• 17:38
  So make sure that you're subscribed, leave a review, and tell me how this is helping you to step into your main character energy And no matter what comes your way, together we can encourage over everything.
• 17:55
  And I'll see you in the next episode