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Pelvic Healing Secrets with Caitlin Arce · Libido Lounge

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Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
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We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food.
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Hey, everybody.
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Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
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I'm your host, libido expert, doctor Diane, and I'm thrilled today about our next guest,
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Caitlin Arce, who is a friend of mine from very, very exciting dance classes, central
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dance classes that I've talked about on this show before.
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And I'm gonna tell you a little bit about her.
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We're gonna get into some of the juicy details that she does in her work as an embodiment
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coach, coach, as a psychotherapist, as really a leader in women's arts and in in finding the
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temple of the feminine inside of us.
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So we're gonna talk about so many things around how to listen to your body, around how to heal
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traumas that are impacting our libido.
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And before we get into all those juicy details and this juicy conversation, I wanna just
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remind you that this is sexy season.
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And remember for sexy season, when you rate or review our podcast, share it with our friends,
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send us or share it with your friends, send us a screenshot of that, we will enter you into
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We need your help.
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So we're giving away memberships to our monthly libido platform where you get a ton of
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information of a ton of talks like this, educational experience, lab tests, and more.
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So make sure you get those reviews and ratings out there.
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We appreciate you so much so much.
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And without further ado, welcome to the show, Caitlin.
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I'm so happy to have you on the lounge.
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Thanks so much for having me, Diane.
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So I think we're gonna get into this really interesting topic today.
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You know, I think so much of libido comes from like, the way I often talk about libido is the
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the practice of pleasure is the practice of presence.
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And it's very difficult to experience pleasure without presence.
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And one of the things that you are a wonderful master at in your own work and the work you do
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with people in your practice is helping them listen to their bodies.
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So Totally.
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Start.
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Where do we start if we're like, wow.
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I'm numb.
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I don't feel stuff or pleasure.
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What is that?
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I don't feel pleasure in my body.
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Like, how do we begin to listen to our pleasure bodies?
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Yeah.
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I mean, the first part is is just, like, listening to your body, period.
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Pleasure is one of the many sensations we can have, and certainly, like, yes.
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We want that.
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You know, for a lot of my clientele, they're people that have experienced traumas in their
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body.
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Maybe they grew up, like, feeling invalidated by parents.
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Like, I'm talking like we we think of trauma like the big t trauma.
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We think of like, oh, you experienced a sexual assault.
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You experienced, someone being aggressive towards you, something like that.
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But, really, there's all sorts of things kind of like built into our day to day society that
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our body experiences those traumas because it it overrides our basic needs.
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So I I really love the conversation of, like, the big t, little t trauma, and I think there's
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more and more awareness of this.
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Right?
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The little t traumas that are actually impacting us.
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So how does one begin to know?
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Like, can you give us an examples of some of, like, the little t traumas?
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And how does one begin to even know, like, okay.
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If I have these little t traumas, am I holding them in my body?
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How do we even know?
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How do we distinguish that?
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Yeah.
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I'll share an example from my personal life.
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When I first got into womb healing, a lot of my work is emphasizing, being in your feminine
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body and and working with the womb specifically.
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The womb is a hollow organ, so it kinda energetically can suck in from all different
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directions anything that we're not ready to deal with.
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So when I was younger and I was first getting into this work, I would I was married at the
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time, and I would go to be intimate with my partner.
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And all of a sudden, I'd be, like, doing my grocery list.
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Like, what?
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Like, what's going on there?
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Like, what we we used to have such a sexy connection when we first met and, like, how
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come I'm, like, thinking of all these domestic things?
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And it wasn't until I realized the ways that I wasn't listening to myself, the ways that I
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was, like, trying to be a good wife and and do things that I I wasn't wanting or do things
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that that just weren't working for me.
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My ex was a wonderful man, so not not to to put anything on him in any way, but it was about me
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not listening to my own body, my own desire, and my own needs that I would just get, like,
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so like, I'd get turned on.
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I get excited, and then it would it would fizzle into, like, let me think about what I
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need from the grocery store.
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Let me think about this thing that happened 10 ago that's completely irrelevant to what's
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happening now and pull me out of the present moment.
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I've I I actually have a different podcast where I've talked specifically about the
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grocery store list during sex thing.
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So we so this is like I love that you bring that up as an example because it's it's a
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perfect example.
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Right?
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And and to me, it's like the mind can't basically, it's saying, like, the mind almost
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can't stay focused on the presence.
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Right?
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Is that Totally.
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Totally.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And I think particularly as as people with wounds, I'm sure not all of your listeners have
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wounds, but, even if you once had a womb, you still energetically have one.
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And we we took all sorts of things in that space, and, it's through, like, clearing and
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being present with what is, whether it feels good or doesn't feel good, that we can start to
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to get a better handle on those things.
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Yeah.
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So so well said.
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So then in thinking about that so now we have a sense in this process.
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Right?
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So now we understand, okay.
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It's the we have this body.
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Our body is holding on to this trauma.
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It's not responding the way we want.
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It's it's not able to enjoy.
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Tell us about this this concept that we were talking about offline related to this around,
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like, the the nose.
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Because when I it's it's interesting in my what, you know, what I had read and what you
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had written to tell our listeners offline is, you know, the question that that Caitlin had
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proposed is how do we listen to the nose and the body?
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And it's it's such a good question.
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Right?
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Because so often, it's like, well or how do we override the nose?
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That was the question.
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And Mhmm.
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You know, and so many times, like, we're taught to, like, well, don't override the nose.
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Listen to the nose.
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But what I hear in your question when we were talking about offline is, like, the nose in our
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in our body actually have a lot of value.
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That's part of our story.
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So so let's talk about that, and how is that related to I think those related to, like, our
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ability to enjoy sex and pleasure and experience libido.
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Yeah.
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Great question.
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So I noticed that a lot of women that come to me are are not necessarily I I do work with a
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lot of trauma survivors, but I also work with a lot of people that just have kind of a buildup
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of nose that they didn't listen to.
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So that would look like, you know, there's a new partner that you really are excited about
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and they wanna do something and you're not ready to do it and you do it anyway.
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That would look like being submissive when you're actually wanting to be dominant.
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That would look like, just moving a little too fast because you're like, oh, you know, I'm I'm
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gonna have the kids, you know, I don't have another free night without the kids until two
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Fridays from now.
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And, like, I I wanna I wanna get it in even though I'm not totally ready.
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That's my life as a single mom.
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So, you know, and there's all these different ways that we're like, you know, this isn't
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totally right, but let me do it anyway.
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What we're teaching our body when we do that is to not trust us.
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A body that doesn't trust us is going to be turned off.
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If my body does not feel safe with me as the basis, as the protector, as the one that's
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going to listen when no one else will, it's not it's not gonna do what I want it to do.
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It's not gonna be able to seek and find pleasure because it it's not safe enough to
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open up.
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We have to be able to open our hearts to have our hearts feel really safe.
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We have to be able to to open our wounds and our pussies and have those feel really safe and
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and, like, it's okay for us to be open.
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Because if something from the external world comes in and it's unsafe, I'm gonna shut it
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down because I'm in control.
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Okay.
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So I I'm following you.
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So when you're saying we're what you're saying is when we're overriding the no's, the problem
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is that's actually the problem, right, is that our body is like, hey.
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Don't proceed.
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You're, you know, you're too busy and it's Yeah.
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Your body isn't ready and that sort of thing.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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I mean, it I it shows up in in my clientele of, like, just not being able to to get juicy, not
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being able to, to soften those muscles of the pelvic floor to be able to receive someone,
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having physical pain during sex or even during self pleasure, not being able to orgasm, like,
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all sorts of different ways it can show up and, or just not not you know, you're going through
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the sexual acts, but not actually being able to receive them and, like, okay.
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On paper, that was a that was a hot, sexy evening, but, like, I didn't really like it
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that much.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I have a course in my program called having the right kind of sex, and what you're actually
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making me think of of this is, like, the right kind of sex is the kind that our body, plus
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your body, wants.
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Right?
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So, like, this idea of writing the nose, it's like, oh, well, I'm gonna do x y z.
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I'm gonna have the wrong kind of sex, which is, like, not the right or wrong culturally.
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It's the right or wrong for our body, and that's that's I love that.
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It's just Yeah.
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What is your body actually saying here?
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And when you're in a really safe partnership that, like, these things have space to be
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expressed, like, yeah, I think it's totally great to experiment with, like, what does your
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partner want that maybe wouldn't have been something you'd been drawn to.
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But I'm talking more, like, wider lens of, like, we just need to, as a baseline, know
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that, like, if something doesn't feel right, we're going to listen.
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And our body will make us know how to do that whether or not whether or not we want it to.
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So it's like just being, being more embodied, being more in communication with the different
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parts of you.
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So so here's my question on that.
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Because one of the things I I look at when I hear this is, like, differentiating between,
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say, needs and preferences.
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So the body, you know, when you're talking about, like, these nos of, like, oh, these
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strong signals, and then there's other things where it's like, oh, well, maybe it's not my
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preference to do this, but I'm gonna try this for my partner.
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Like, so I hear that as as a need versus preference.
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Totally.
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Do you have any advice for people as far as, like like because I know some some listeners
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are more in tune to those subtle senses in their body than others.
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So where is that line of, like, how do people begin to understand more like, this is this is
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a hard note.
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Like, me not listening to I'm gonna feel unsafe if I do this versus, like, okay.
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This is maybe not my preference, but it actually feels okay to try this and to explore
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this because my partner is interested in that.
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How do we differentiate that?
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Yeah.
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I mean, it it is subtle, and it is a skill, and it's a learned skill.
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So that's the good news.
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If you don't have it, if you don't feel, like, in tune with your body, like, I know how to
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listen to my body signals, you can learn it.
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And and it's not that hard for those of us that have a trauma history.
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It might take a little more unpacking and, be better to do in in, like, a supportive
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environment with a therapist or, you know, one of us.
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In with someone that doesn't explicitly have that type of history, like, you know, it it's
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about listening to to all of the signals.
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So, I think a good practice is just to experiment with self touch.
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It doesn't have to be your genitals.
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It could be anywhere on your body and just notice sensations.
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So, like, I'm gonna just play with my hand.
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I'm gonna stroke my fingers, and I'm gonna see, do my fingers like when I pull on my joints?
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Oh, yeah.
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They like that.
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Do they like when I squeeze them?
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Oh, yeah.
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That's nice.
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Do I like to be tickled?
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What does that actually feel like?
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Oh, I like to be tickled here, but, like, oh, there's a little too much.
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Okay.
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And, like, anything.
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It could be eating.
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It could be, it could be the way you're dancing when when you're alone and in your living room.
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It could be, like, experimenting with different types of bedding in your bed, and you're like,
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oh, these sheets feel nice and cool on my skin, and I like that, and these sheets feel like
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like they're too heavy.
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I don't like that.
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Like, just listening to those really subtle things and listening in a really neutral way
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of, like, it it doesn't have to be good or bad that you're experiencing this.
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It just is.
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Okay.
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This is my sensation.
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And that kinda helps unpack unpack those things and helps us listen to those cues.
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That's that's really helpful.
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I appreciate the, you know, the actual practical advice there.
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And another, you know, another thing I'm thinking about is, like, like, as you're saying
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that whether it's eating, whether it's just touching your body sexually or nonsexually is
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maybe even, like, asking oneself around, like, okay.
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If I don't like this, like, is I you know, do is it like I hate this?
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Like, is there Mhmm.
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A complete hatred where it would be, like, my body needs this, like, or needs doesn't need
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this?
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Is this a no?
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Mhmm.
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Or is this just, like, like, a preference?
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Right?
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So we can continue to ask ourselves
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those things
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that almost practically easy.
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So when it's harder, we're we're more skilled at it.
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Right?
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Totally.
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Yeah.
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And I think with a partner, it's really fun to, like, invite it in as a practice.
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So it's like, we're gonna do an experiment together.
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Let's play and see, like, oh, do I like this?
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Do I not like this?
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And instead of it being kind of, like, in the moment because it can be really hard for a lot
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of people to ask for, like, oh, can you do that softer?
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Like, oh, can you give me a little more pressure there?
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Like, that can be hard for people, especially when they're newer to listening to the cues of
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their body to express.
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But if you set it up as a as a science experiment, then then it feels a little safer
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to be like, okay.
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We're gonna play, and for, like, twenty minutes, I want you to, like, give me different
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types of touch, and I'll tell you what I like and don't like.
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And then for twenty minutes, we can do you, and and you can tell me what what you like and
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don't like.
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Yeah.
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I I think it's just such a great example of simple ways that we can actually begin to even
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know our partners better.
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Because it's so often in these longer term relationships.
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Right?
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It's like one of the things that I imagine you talk to people about as well is is we could
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fall into this, like, this thing where it's like, okay.
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First, you go down on me, and then I go down on you, and then we do this,
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and then we
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do that, and then we do that, and then we climax, and then we're done.
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And it's like sex becomes almost as, like, rhythmic thing where it's like a, b, c, d.
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And so even when I'm here in, you you know, this idea of, like, twenty minutes my turn,
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twenty minutes your turn.
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It's like getting out of that that
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So then talk to us a little bit about, like, the opposite.
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So another thing I know that you do a lot in your work is helping people really say yes to
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their body.
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So how do you find that in learning more about, like, okay.
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I'm gonna honor my body's nose.
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I'm gonna listen to this.
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I'm gonna show up for that.
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How does that translate also in to turning into the yeses, to saying yes more to the
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pleasurable things, to the body's, say, passion and desires and those sorts of things?
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I mean, I think it really is about, like, making it neutral, quite frankly.
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Like, I think when we're not chasing any one thing, when we're not pushing to any one thing
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and we're open to the fullness of our experience that that we get more of that
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pleasure.
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Like, my homework for clients is often, I want you to go home and, like, touch yourself in
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some sort of pleasurable way.
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And I don't necessarily have an emphasis on sexuality in my practice.
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I I do work with people a lot around their sexuality, but, you know, I I do like a lot of
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buying abdominal massage and abdominal massage, and that is that's rubbing your breasts and
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bellies and wounds.
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And, like, how do you want that to look even?
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Like, yes.
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There is a formula that I will teach my clients, and they will learn how to do it in a
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specific way.
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But then once you, one of my teachers used to say, once you know the the chocolate chip
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recipe, then you can then you can experiment and Yeah.
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You know, add the macadamia nut.
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Right?
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Like, you you gotta learn the recipes for for some things that you like as a baseline, but
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then then you get to experiment and see, like, oh, what what do I want more of?
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And, and and when we when we can do that in a supportive environment, that's that's even
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better.
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That's even better for, like, getting to that point quicker because we can get over we can
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get over the roadblocks to pleasure quicker.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Amazing.
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Well, my final question for you today has something to do with what you are offering for
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our listeners, which is a coupon code to get your meditation on basically imbibe with the
18:47
it's the wound clear clearing meditation.
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Right?
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So your wound clearing meditation for only $5, that's $10 off.
18:53
And my question for you on that, and you guys will put all that in the show links for you, is
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from a standpoint of, like, wound clearing, what do you feel?
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Because that's what this meditation's about is clearing the wound wound.
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What do you find in the process?
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Like, first of all, what does that mean?
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And second of all, what do you find in the process of working with that and doing the
19:13
wound clearing?
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What does that do for the ability of, you know, of us to show up as, you know, as female bodies
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to, you know, to ourselves and to our pleasure?
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Yeah.
19:24
So yeah.
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So but the the code's gonna be embody 10 for the the womb meditation, and I find this this
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meditation is, like, one of the foundations of my practice.
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It's, like, often a place that I'll start with clients, and it's even better when they're
19:42
they're doing something like this before they're coming to see me for the first time
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because, you know, they already have some familiarity with what is the wound, why why
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should I care about the wound beyond my period, beyond trying to get pregnant, beyond my
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fibroids or you know, I work with a lot of people with reproductive health health concerns
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as well.
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So, so that's often kind of the inroad for people to find me, but, the womb itself is is,
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like I said, it's a place where we can hold things.
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So if we get more awareness around, like, what am I holding in there?
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What what do I want to be holding in there?
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That's that's to speak to your last question about pleasure, like, that's one of the the
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inroads to pleasure is, like, okay.
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I'm clearing out bad medical experiences that that doctor that just went ahead and stuck
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their hand up there before they asked my permission.
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I'm clearing out, past lovers that I want nothing to do with anymore.
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I'm clearing out, you know, stories that I was told about what it is to be a woman, what it
20:48
was to be a menstruating person, what it was to be a person who's capable or has had children,
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and, you know, clearing out any any health concerns, and bad experiences with with getting
21:04
treatment for those.
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So that's kinda step one.
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Step two is, like, what do I wanna invite?
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This is a way that I find that women get, like, just, like, obviously, more embodied in
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themselves, but, like, more grounded and centered in themselves.
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The womb is, like, one of the only parts of our body that can can the only one of the only
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organs in our body that can, like, physically go out of alignment.
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And when it does, we find ourselves, like, just not feeling grounded or centered or, like, even
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our sense of belonging at its core can be threatened when we're out of alignment.
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So this is kind of step one to getting in better alignment, to calling in the energy of
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the earth, the energy of self love, the energy of pleasure, of aliveness so that we can run
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that energy through our bodies and, and just have more of what we want in our world.
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And like I said yeah.
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Thanks.
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It's not just for people that that physically have wounds, but, even for trans women and even
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for women that have had hysterectomies, it's still accessible to them as well because we're
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still working with the energetic wound even if there's not a physical wound space.
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Yeah.
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And what you're reminding me of is I've done my own versions of of this, and I had I was
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clearing out one time energy from a past lover, and there was, like, this giant hook.
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And the hook was, like, way up in my cervix, and, you know, I was just clearing and
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clearing, and it was like this Wow.
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Like, ginormous.
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Right?
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It was like this huge three three, four inch in diameter tube that was connected to this hook,
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and it just it fell as I was, like, pulling this out of me energetically and doing this
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work.
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It felt like there was this complete separation finally from me, you know, this person that
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wasn't beneficial to have in my life anymore.
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And Yeah.
23:00
And that shift, you know, I think is was really profound.
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So
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Totally.
23:05
That really cool giveaway.
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It's a really great gift for our audience.
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So thank you for that.
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I wanna make sure that everybody knows that we will have all of that information in the show
23:14
notes, that you can find Caitlin at embody the temple healing arts, and we'll have all of the
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contact information of how to work with her and and all of that and the the meditation in our
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show notes for you.
23:27
So thank you so much for your time today.
23:30
Really appreciate you being here, Caitlin.
23:32
Yeah.
23:33
My pleasure.
23:34
And just to wrap up, you guys, I wanna remind everybody that we have our you know, our thing
23:40
that we're doing this year is for everybody that is on our show this year, rate them,
23:46
review them, send it around to our friends, download it.
23:49
Whoever gets the highest amount of downloads, we are going to invite them back for a deep
23:54
dive late in this year of 2024.
23:56
So make sure to to download this.
23:58
Make sure to share this with your friends.
24:00
We'd love to have Caitlin back and go way more into a a more lengthy conversation on all of
24:05
these topics.
24:06
And this is doctor Diane, your libido doc, reminding you to stay sexy, stay classy, and
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always be a little badass y.
24:15
See you next time.