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174: The Lie That Time Heals All Wounds (And What Really Does) · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Hello and welcome to Inner Work with MaryAnn Walker.
• 0:23
  This is the podcast where we explore what it means to reclaim your voice, honor your needs, and step into your wholeness, especially if you're a highly sensitive person or an empath navigating a world that doesn't always understand you.
• 0:35
  This week, we're going to be exploring the lie that time heals all wounds.
• 0:40
  And let me just start by saying, yes, time can be a factor in your personal healing, but it's not the only factor and it's definitely not the most important one.
• 0:50
  Because time on its own doesn't create healing effort does.
• 0:55
  Now let me just kind of illustrate this by talking about physical wounds.
• 0:59
  So yes, a broken bone will eventually heal, but it has to be set properly in order for it to heal.
• 1:06
  Properly.
• 1:08
  Yes, a scratch or a cut will heal on its own, but if it's not cleaned and bandaged properly, it could get infected.
• 1:15
  And even a mild injury can leave lasting damage if it's not tended to.
• 1:20
  And the same is true for our emotional wounds.
• 1:23
  You can wait all that you want, but if you're not acknowledging the pain, processing it and tending to it and being really intentional about how it is that you want to move forward, then you might just be sitting in the wound and not necessarily healing it.
• 1:39
  And just as a broken bone that hasn't been set will mend over time.
• 1:43
  It might not heal properly without getting the care and attention that it needs.
• 1:48
  And the same is true for our emotional wounds.
• 1:50
  In fact, many who are hoping that time will heal all wounds are actually adopting coping mechanisms rather than actually developing the tools needed for true and lasting healing.
• 2:00
  This might look like numbing out with social media returning to unhealthy patterns, relationships, or addictions, or even ruminating for an extensive amount of time.
• 2:09
  We think that this is going to create healing over time, but while time is in fact passing without intentionally creating healing, then we may remain stuck.
• 2:20
  And when the healing isn't taking place, then we may often find ourselves back In the very situation that we're trying desperately to leave in the past.
• 2:28
  We're going to be repeating those same things until the wound is tended to.
• 2:34
  Because the truth is that time without intention is just time.
• 2:39
  So let me share this with a few real world examples.
• 2:42
  Let's say that somebody is going through a breakup and they tell themselves, well, I just need to be single for six months and then I know that I'll be ready for dating again.
• 2:49
  And that's fine, if those six months are being used to intentionally create healing and wholeness so that you can be entering into those relationships six months from now, from that place of healing and wholeness.
• 3:02
  Because just waiting six months, that's not going to be changing any patterns for you, which means that it may not create the healing that you're seeking.
• 3:10
  Healing is not about a date on the calendar.
• 3:14
  It's about what you choose to do during that time.
• 3:17
  For example, are you taking time to reflect on the relationship that you just came out of?
• 3:22
  Are you asking yourself what you could do differently next time?
• 3:26
  Are you reconnecting with yourself?
• 3:28
  Are you getting support, whether that's through therapy, coaching, community, or creative expression, or are you just filling the time hoping that the pain will pass on its own if you just don't look at it.
• 3:39
  The woman who's waiting for Mr.
• 3:40
  Wright to show up while putting her life on hold is not the same woman who is becoming her full self so that she is aligned and ready when the right person does show up.
• 3:52
  So now let's explore this through the idea of the gap year.
• 3:54
  Many young adults choose to take a gap year after high school, but it's not the taking the year off that's going to get them ready for college or ready for a career.
• 4:03
  It's what they're choosing to do intentionally with that time that's going to make all the difference.
• 4:08
  For example, if you're someone who is entering into a gap year, are you intentionally exploring who you are, what matters to you, and what it is that you wanna create next in your life?
• 4:17
  Are you using that time to financially prepare to arrange for transportation for yourself to get to campus?
• 4:23
  Are you working to gain life experience and to practice adulting by scheduling your own appointments, paying your own bills, learning how to cook, and how to take care of yourself?
• 4:33
  Are you using that time to learn about other countries and cultures?
• 4:36
  Are you using this time to get your mental health in order or maybe even shadow a few potential career opportunities?
• 4:42
  Or are you just directionless during that gap year?
• 4:47
  Now I wanna be really clear on this that rest is important.
• 4:52
  And rest with intention is going to be a lot more supportive for you than just using rest as an excuse.
• 4:59
  I need rest, therefore I'm going to be doing these other things.
• 5:02
  So get really clear on what is it that I need if I am needing rest right now, to create that true rest for self?
• 5:09
  Because really think about it.
• 5:10
  If all that you did was workout all the time with zero recovery, it would actually be detrimental to your health.
• 5:17
  So yeah, we do need rest.
• 5:18
  Sometimes healing does require rest, space and stillness.
• 5:23
  It can be so important for healing.
• 5:25
  And just like the bone needs to stay in a cast so that the body can repair itself, then sometimes our emotional system does need time to reset.
• 5:34
  Time where it isn't going to be jostled or handled.
• 5:37
  It just needs to just be.
• 5:40
  But true rest and recovery is different from just letting the time pass and essentially avoidance, right?
• 5:46
  There's a difference between rest and avoidance and get really clear on what it is that you're currently doing.
• 5:51
  Intentional rest and recovery is very different from just hoping that time alone will do the trick.
• 5:57
  True healing happens when you partner intention with.
• 6:01
  Time.
• 6:02
  When you intentionally give your nervous system space to create personal safety, when you intentionally seek out support from those with the tools and experience that can help and support you, when you intentionally get honest with yourself about how it is that you got here, what you need right now, and what you might need to heal moving forward.
• 6:19
  When you intentionally stop outsourcing your healing to the calendar, telling yourself, oh yeah, time heals all wounds.
• 6:26
  I just need time.
• 6:27
  And instead, you start intentionally attending to your wounds.
• 6:32
  So here is your challenge for this week is, first I want you to really think about, okay, what is it that I really want right now?
• 6:38
  And then ask yourself, how am I avoiding doing the work?
• 6:41
  Now, this could be big things or small things.
• 6:43
  For example, this last week I was really avoiding calling the doctors to set up a physical for myself.
• 6:48
  It's been a while since I've been into the doctors, and I was going to call'em on Friday.
• 6:52
  I put it off until Monday.
• 6:54
  I was definitely avoiding it.
• 6:56
  So maybe it's something like that is just making that phone call for your own self-care.
• 7:00
  Maybe it's starting a workout routine, healing from a past relationship, working towards that career, healing from childhood wounds, or just doing that deep soul work that you know needs to be done.
• 7:11
  But identify one area of your life where you're not necessarily doing the work that needs to be done in order to get what it is that you're seeking.
• 7:19
  And then ask yourself, in what ways am I avoiding doing the work?
• 7:24
  Just notice it for yourself.
• 7:25
  You do not have to guilt yourself, but just notice, okay, what am I doing here?
• 7:29
  Guilt and shame, they always want to hide, so guilt and shame are not helpful here.
• 7:33
  Okay, so once you've identified where it is that you wanna go and how it is that you might be avoiding it, rather than shaming yourself and creating that hiding and resistance, just ask yourself, okay, where am I avoiding doing the work?
• 7:45
  Be really honest with yourself about where you might be avoiding and just thinking, oh, yes, someday I'll get around to it.
• 7:52
  Okay.
• 7:52
  Someday means that you're allowing time to pass and thinking that time is going to fix it for you.
• 7:58
  So put it on the calendar if it is important to you, and make it tangible how it is that you're working towards this, how it is that you're creating that healing for yourself.
• 8:07
  Then ask yourself, how can I use this time to intentionally support my growth and healing?
• 8:12
  Let's say that it's six months from now that you have this deadline for yourself.
• 8:15
  Okay.
• 8:16
  Well, I do want to be very intentional.
• 8:18
  I want to go back on the dating scene in six months.
• 8:20
  What is it that I want to do very intentionally for this next six months so that I'll be ready?
• 8:25
  Okay, I am gonna be taking a gap year.
• 8:27
  What is it that I want to intentionally do during this time so that I can be ready?
• 8:32
  Okay.
• 8:32
  Be very intentional about what is it that I need right now and how can I be working towards my own personal growth and healing.
• 8:40
  Another question could be, what is one thing that I can do proactively to create healing for myself?
• 8:46
  So maybe this means implementing an intentional self-care practice.
• 8:49
  This might mean joining a book club.
• 8:51
  It might mean going more regularly to the local gym.
• 8:54
  It might mean booking a six week package with me.
• 8:56
  It may be intentionally seeking out community support, reaching out to that person that's been on your mind and seeking what wisdom they may have for you.
• 9:04
  It might mean starting a meditation practice, learning a new skill, doing that one thing that you've been putting off until it's a better time.
• 9:11
  But just pick one thing that you can do right now that would support your healing.
• 9:17
  Again, this could be big or small.
• 9:19
  Just pick one thing.
• 9:20
  And yes, it might be a little bit uncomfortable at first.
• 9:23
  You've been resisting this for a long time.
• 9:25
  Right.
• 9:26
  You've been resisting your personal healing for a long time, so it may be uncomfortable in the beginning.
• 9:32
  I mean, let's be honest, like if you broke your bone and you go into the doctors, nobody loves getting their bone set after a break.
• 9:39
  It's uncomfortable.
• 9:40
  But the relief that comes from doing your own healing work, from taking that initiative to finally make that progress, even when it's a little bit uncomfortable, it's amazing.
• 9:52
  So, yes, time can bring healing, but you can 10 x your personal healing by becoming more intentional about how it is that you choose to use your time as you heal.
• 10:03
  Now if this episode has resonated with you, I want you to know that I do currently have a few spots opening up in my six week coaching program.
• 10:09
  This is a program specifically designed for highly sensitive people, and it's for those that are wanting to become more intentional about their healing.
• 10:17
  They're ready to commit, they're ready to create change for themselves.
• 10:21
  As I said, I do offer six week packages and honestly, six weeks of time with intentional coaching can be so healing.
• 10:31
  So if you're feeling called to do more for yourself, then check out the link in the show notes where you can book a free clarity call with me.
• 10:37
  Now during this clarity call, I can help you to find clarity around one thing that you could change right now that would have a significant impact on your life and your personal healing.
• 10:47
  If this call is 100% free and at the end, then we'll see if coaching might be a good fit for you.
• 10:52
  Okay, so go ahead and click the link in the show notes to book your free clarity call now.
• 10:56
  And if you feel like what you have received here on the podcast has been helpful for you, then would you please leave me a review.
• 11:02
  It really does help me to reach more people, and I deeply and truly appreciate your support.
• 11:07
  So thank you so much for listening, and remember that time doesn't heal, intention does, and that is a truly empowering thing.
• 11:16
  All right, thank you so much for being here, and I'll see you next week.
• 11:19
  Bye now.