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Preparing for Menopause · Libido Lounge

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  Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
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  We believe that fabulous sex is important to health as exercise and good food.
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  Fabulous women.
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  Welcome back to another episode of the lounge.
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  Today, we're gonna talk about libido, body image, self confidence, and especially these
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  concepts as we go through hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause.
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  Now I feel like one of the best times to actually prepare for menopause is about ten
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  years prior to this happening.
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  So if you're listening and you're in your late thirties and you're still feeling like you're
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  far away, which you are, it's definitely worth considering listening still because the best
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  time to really prepare for this is by starting to get your body in alignment, by starting to
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  make sure you're making the appropriate developments and the changes to your adrenal
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  glands, because once we hit menopause, we do still make some hormones, but the ovaries are
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  largely not active anymore.
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  And most of the sex hormone production that happens inside the body is now fully taken over
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  by the adrenal glands.
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  So one reason why menopause can be so hard on so many women is because, and there's lots of
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  reasons, but one reason is because there has been so much stress for so many years and the
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  adrenal glands are just not working and not pumping out the correct amount of cortisol, the
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  correct amount of DHEA that they should, and they're basically just they're not getting the
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  signal correctly from the brain.
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  So, essentially, when we go through adrenal issues, a lot of people have heard of this as
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  adrenal fatigue.
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  Adrenal fatigue isn't really the right word because it's not like the adrenals wake up one
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  day and they're like, I'm tired.
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  I should take a nap.
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  I'm right?
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  That's not what's happening.
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  What's actually happening to the body is the brain is not telling the adrenal glands, which
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  produce our stress hormones, to work correctly.
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  So in situations such as menopause and perimenopause, when that brain adrenal
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  connection is dysregulated, when it's falling apart, when it's not working as well, then we
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  get to menopause and we want the adrenals to take some of the slack of producing estrogen
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  and progesterone and testosterone, but that signal from the brain to the adrenals is
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  already dysfunctional, we can dysfunctional, we can have problems.
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  So the more we can fix any brain adrenal dysfunction, any low or high cortisol, low or
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  high DHEA prior to perimenopause and menopause, the easier this time can be.
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  So that's kind of the opening to say, hey.
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  This content is for a lot of you even if you're not in the perimenopause or menopause age.
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  Now, basically, menopause in many ways and perimenopause is the adult version of the
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  teenage version of going through puberty.
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  Right?
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  In puberty as teenagers, what's essentially happening is we're getting these widespread
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  change and fluctuations in our body getting used to these hormones and these hormones
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  cycling in different ways.
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  And so that can create a lot of different emotions.
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  It can create a lot of different feelings, all natural and all normal.
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  And a lot of what happens, remember, if you go back to teenage years, 13, 14, when you're
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  likely getting your menses for the first time, one of the things that can happen is there can
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  be this huge level of, like, extra care about body image.
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  And most of us care about body image throughout our entire life, but in teenage years, that
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  that tendency is to be a little bit more hard on oneself, to have lower self esteem, to have
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  days where you feel great, and then other days feel like like I remember freaking out because
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  back in the eighties when bangs were so big, and I would do my bangs up super huge, like,
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  these ginormous bangs.
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  And I remember freaking out because I was having, like, a bad bang day.
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  Right?
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  And my bangs were not responding to, like, the curling iron, and they were not responding to
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  the hairspray.
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  And I remember just, like, throwing these crying fits being like, I can't there's no way
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  I can go to school with bangs like this.
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  Right?
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  So that's essentially, there's changes of hormones on the brain.
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  And so when we go through perimenopause and menopause, it's like a redoing of that time.
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  And so one of the things that can happen is just like in those teenage years with bad bangs
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  or whatever it was where you might feel like you're not as in your body, you might not as
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  feel as beautiful, you might compare yourselves to others more, We're at the mercy of all of
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  those types of of feelings coming up again because our brain is now shifting around to
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  this new hormonal landscape.
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  So what do we do?
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  So one, finding a support group of women that are in similar situations to normalize this, to
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  talk about it, to hopefully make light of it can be really helpful.
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  It is one of the reasons why I do have my libido lounge monthly membership for a low
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  price fee is because it's a way that people can come and actually talk to other women that are
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  in similar situations, and it really helps to feel supported and feel the nourishment and
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  share ideas, share what's happening, and build each other up.
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  Right?
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  So whether or not it's a support group like this, making sure that you are part of a friend
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  circle that is really designed to build you up during this time and help with confidence,
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  people that can remind you that you're beautiful.
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  Right?
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  These sorts of things become especially important at this change.
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  And we do see such a relationship in libido between how we feel about our body, how we feel
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  about our body image, sexuality.
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  So it's really easy since these feelings can be quite strong.
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  It's very, very easy to feel, like, during the menopause time period to be like, well, I'm not
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  comfortable with my body.
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  My hormones are changing.
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  My brain feels crazy, so I'm definitely not interested in libido.
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  So it takes a lot of effort, not only to keep the sex drive alive oftentimes as hormones are
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  changing.
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  And I do recommend hormone replacement therapy.
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  Go back and listen to episode 24 where I talk more about that.
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  But from besides that, it's also extremely important that we are are deeply considering
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  the the impact that the body image and the self confidence during this time has.
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  So, like I said, hanging out with other women who can build you up, you know, really avoiding
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  a lot of circles of drama as much as possible and doing nice things for yourself.
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  Right?
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  It's, like, definitely would encourage you to work with, you know, with hormones, to work on
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  all of the root causes.
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  Remember, you can find root causes of the low libido on my libido my free libido quiz.
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  But I definitely encourage you to do those to work on some of the physical things, but then
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  from my and and that will help with the body image thing too because these physical things
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  are gonna help with weight prevention and just feeling good in one side of body.
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  Remember, when we feel good internally and we have energy, typically, we reflect an outward
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  image, that is oftentimes more beautiful and more fit because we're taking care of
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  ourselves.
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  But then beyond that, like, what other things can be done?
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  So this is an area where, in some ways, I encourage you to do things like a wardrobe
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  revamp.
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  You know?
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  If it works into your budget, hire a fashion specialist, right, that can come in to your
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  closet and can help you take you know, change your look up.
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  Right?
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  What sort of clothes make you feel beautiful?
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  Do you like, would it be helpful to have a new hairstyle?
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  And, obviously, these are external things.
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  We wanna consider external and internal.
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  But I don't know about you, but I get a new haircut or I do something that is good for me
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  externally, and that can help me feel more beautiful.
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  Right?
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  So the external stuff can have that internal that internal sense.
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  So what sort of things what sort of activities and this is an open ended question.
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  Right?
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  What sort of activities help you feel more beautiful?
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  What sort of activities, what sort of words help you feel more confident?
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  If you're, you know, if you're feeling during this time that you're just not not as
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  confident, you don't feel as beautiful, and you feel a little crazy, and you feel a little sad,
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  and then you feel joyous, and everything is just, you know, this roller coaster, what sort
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  of things would be helpful for your partner to say to you?
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  What sort of things would be helpful for your friends to say to you?
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  And the more we can really instruct people that love us and want us to help us to say, like,
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  Hey.
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  If I'm responding this way, this is what I need to hear.
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  Can you say this to me?
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  Right?
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  And it might feel, like, ingenuine, but they probably feel that way anyways.
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  They just didn't know that that was the right thing to say at the moment.
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  So it's not in genuine.
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  It's actually usually just helping people understand how to take care of us.
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  So the more we can instruct others around us to say, this is how to care for me during this
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  time.
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  This is what I need.
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  Are you able to do this if I'm feeling this way?
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  It can trickle down into supporting us to feel more confident.
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  So these are a lot of external things.
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  And then internal, this is where I do find that a lot of the mindfulness work becomes really,
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  really important.
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  And there's a lot of people that do, like, affirmations.
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  Affirmations, for those of you that don't know, are almost these these things that we say over
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  and over to ourselves again and again.
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  Right?
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  So an affirmation could be, I am beautiful.
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  I am confident.
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  I am sexy.
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  Right?
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  That could be an affirmation.
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  But what we see in people that do studies on, like, mindfulness changes and the way the brain
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  lights up when we do certain things like affirmations is the biggest change will occur
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  when we actually really feel and believe what we're saying.
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  So if you feel If you say, I am sexy, I'm beautiful, but the feeling inside is, I'm fat,
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  I'm getting old, it's not gonna really do much for confidence versus, like, closing one eyes.
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  And even if your current state is feeling fat and old, literally faking it, almost pretending
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  to be like, well, what happens if I actually feel beautiful and sexy?
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  What does that feel like?
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  Because here's another thing that I think can be really helpful.
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  It's a great time to take up pole dancing or some sort of S Factor or sensual dance classes.
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  They're all over the country.
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  So So I would look up sex, sensual dance, pole dancing, s factors, a lot of great types of
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  different modalities out there.
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  But one of the reasons to take classes like this is because, one, pushing the body to do
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  something that is developing strength can help with self confidence, can help with that
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  libido, especially during this difficult time.
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  Two, from taking these sorts of classes myself where people are very scantily dressed in some
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  of these classes, other classes less so, but they're very scantily dressed in a lot of these
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  classes, and I've been in classes with women of every shape and size, like every curve, every
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  itty bitty tiny woman, every shape and size you can imagine.
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  And it is very interesting to observe because in a lot of these classes, there's an observing
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  role where somebody is, say, the the dancer that everybody is observing.
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  And when you're in the observing role, which can sound scary if you've never done this to
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  get observed, but it's actually really powerful on both sides.
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  It's won by women that love and care in in the group to be witnessed by other women that are
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  cheering you on, that are supporting you.
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  No matter how elementary you are, it's really, really amazing for confidence.
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  But secondly, as an observer, what is so amazing is being in this room of these other
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  fabulous women of any different shape and size and age.
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  I've seen women in their eighties out there.
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  I've seen women in their early twenties.
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  Right?
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  So I've seen this wide range of women in these classes.
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  And one thing that I have found across the board to be true is that what is sexy and what
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  is beautiful is about how confident a woman is in her own body.
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  And I've seen women that are very, very anxious and timid and they're awkward, and they have
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  every physique that in in society these days we might say is perfect.
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  And then I've seen people that have been at this other end of the spectrum that we might
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  not society might not say this is like what textbook beauty is, even though I think that's
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  a bunch of BS, but from a societal standard standpoint.
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  Right?
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  And they are just the most confident, beautiful, sexy, elegant women because they own
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  their space and they're confident inside it.
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  And so when we're going through these time periods and we're like, oh my gosh.
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  My hormones are changing.
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  Things are crazy.
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  It's like being in puberty again, and the libido is faulting and and, you know, it's it's
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  it can be this vicious cycle.
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  Right?
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  Because what we need oftentimes the most is, like, connection support.
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  And then oftentimes, it's so easy to feel crazy inside just like those teenage years, and it
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  can be hard on the relationship.
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  So keeping that really that libido strong is really important and doing these sorts of
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  classes where you're literally practicing being confident exactly how you are.
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  Right?
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  That's the point is practicing being confident exactly how you are can be completely
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  revolutionary to this time of life.
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  Right?
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  So, obviously, we wanna work on all the physical root causes and the physical
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  imbalances, but what we're really talking about today in this episode is how to work with the
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  the mental changes that are happening because of the different levels of blood flow lighting
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  up different parts of the brain, sending different signals because of the hormonal
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  change.
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  And if you can find if you're up for trying one of these classes, I definitely recommend
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  looking for one near you.
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  In addition, join a support group if and or find a group of women.
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  And if you don't have a strong group of women, I would strongly encourage you, especially as
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  you get to this time, like meetup groups, like hiking groups, or whatever your interest is,
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  look for meetup groups or other types of activities in your area around things you like.
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  Maybe it's time to take salsa dancing up.
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  Right?
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  So salsa dancing is less, say, provocative than pole dancing, and it'd still be pretty
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  provocative.
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  But that's another way of dancing and being in your body and feeling confident.
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  And a lot of confidence, again, is about how we carry ourselves.
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  This is why the research on even posture has been so profound because confidence is really
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  hugely about how we carry ourselves, and that's the practice.
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  That and working to feel confident inside and faking it.
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  Like, literally closing your eyes, doing a meditation, and pretending.
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  If you if you can't access it, then pretend that you are the sexiest woman, you know, on
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  the planet.
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  And then over time as you begin to practice that, you what will happen is you will start to
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  feel sexy and sexier and sexier in your body, but it will take time and practice because
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  you're going against some neuronal some some nervous system circuitry that needs to be
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  repatterned.
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  So I hope this is helpful.
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  It's a really important topic.
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  I think there's a lot of support that we can really give to women during this change, and,
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  unfortunately, so much of what's talked about during this change of life is purely just
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  around hormones, right, which are important, but this is a time that we're moving into this,
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  like, wise crone, this wise woman part of our life where that so much wisdom has been
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  collected.
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  And now, like, there's so much confidence that can happen with that wisdom, but we just have
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  to make it through that hormonal change and get that support.
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  So you are beautiful.
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  You are sexy.
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  You can do this.
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  Please do share this with any friends and family.
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  Check out my libido quiz.
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  Check out my monthly program if that's interesting to you.
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  It's been so great to continue to support all of you.
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  I'm doctor Diane.
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  This has been another episode of the libido lounge reminding you to stay classy, stay sexy,
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  and always remember to be a little badassy.
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  Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
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  Please don't keep me a secret.
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  Please share this with your friends.
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  You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.