Latest / Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia. / Life Just Got Real: My Breast Cancer Journey

Transcript

Life Just Got Real: My Breast Cancer Journey · Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia.

• 0:06
  Dora: Hola hola mi gente hermosa welcome back to Ay Mijita Embracing Your Raíces Reclaim Your Essencia Today's episode is different.
• 0:16
  Dora: It's not just about healing from generational trauma or setting boundaries, it's about me.
• 0:23
  Dora: Right now, in real time.
• 0:26
  Dora: Walking through something I never thought I'd be talking about on this mic.
• 0:31
  Dora: About a month ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
• 0:36
  Dora: And sharing this with you is one of the hardest but also most freeing things I've ever done.
• 0:45
  Dora: I don't want pity.
• 0:47
  Dora: What I want is honesty, connection, and to break the silence that so many of us are raised with around illness.
• 0:57
  Dora: So today I'm opening up my corazon, my heart, and telling you how this past month has really been.
• 1:05
  Dora: So grab your agüita, cafecito, or whatever your beverage of choices, and really hold yourself throughout this episode as I will be doing the same.
• 1:18
  Dora: So I was actually driving back with my daughter, and she kind of knew that I would get the call.
• 1:55
  Dora: And when we were driving back, I answered the phone, just thinking, oh, it's gonna be, you know, just a follow-up phone call.
• 2:04
  Dora: And it's like, oh, have a great day.
• 2:06
  Dora: Well, when answering that phone call, they said, Oh, obviously, can we talk to Dora?
• 2:12
  Dora: And I'm like, Yes.
• 2:14
  Dora: They're like, Oh, we have the doctor on the line, we would like to talk to you.
• 2:17
  Dora: And they're like, Oh, it sounds like you're driving.
• 2:20
  Dora: I'm like, Yeah, I am.
• 2:21
  Dora: They're like, Oh, okay, we can give you a call back, and I'm like, let me just pull over.
• 2:26
  Dora: And so I did.
• 2:27
  Dora: And that's where my daughter and I, we were just sitting there, and that's when they started really going through the results, and that they did find cancer.
• 2:43
  Dora: And that's where they said, pretty much, your biopsy came back, it's cancer.
• 2:49
  Dora: My daughter held my hand, and I just remember like the stream of tears coming down my face, my cheeks, and just being in like shock and awe.
• 3:04
  Dora: In that moment I froze, my body went numb, my corazon dropped to my stomach, but my daughter was right there, and she looked at me, of course, not fully understanding, also in her shock and in process, but I could feel her energy shift because she knew something wasn't okay.
• 3:27
  Dora: I had to hold it together for her, and then I couldn't break down the way I wanted to.
• 3:35
  Dora: But I obviously was still crying, and I was in shock.
• 3:40
  Dora: But she was very comforting because she said, Mom, everything's gonna be okay, we're gonna be fine.
• 3:45
  Dora: They did share with me that it was growing at a rapid rate, and that urgency hit me really hard.
• 3:52
  Dora: Like time was suddenly against me.
• 3:55
  Dora: And yet, I didn't tell my husband right away, I held it inside.
• 4:00
  Dora: So this happened that Friday before Labor Day, and so Labor Day weekend was coming up, and I made the choice, I mean, maybe selfishly, to enjoy it.
• 4:10
  Dora: To let myself have a few days with my family that were normal.
• 4:14
  Dora: And that weekend I was also in a wedding for one of my best friends.
• 4:18
  Dora: So I was smiling, dancing, celebrating, and every time that someone would ask me, How are you?
• 4:25
  Dora: Everything good?
• 4:26
  Dora: I would just say, Yeah, see, Tostabi, everything's fine.
• 4:31
  Dora: But inside I felt so guilty of lying, of carrying this heavy secret in my chest while trying to act like everything was okay.
• 4:40
  Dora: And especially with my sisters and my mom and my husband, and my daughter knew.
• 4:47
  Dora: But it was a secret between her and I.
• 4:49
  Dora: That's when I started realizing all the different things that are prioritized in my life, such as joy, peace, having fun, and when my husband would get upset over something that weekend, over something petty, that's where I would just not pay attention.
• 5:08
  Dora: Or try to disregard it.
• 5:10
  Dora: And I started setting my boundaries where I would tell him, I'm, you know, this kind of like this stuff that's very minor.
• 5:19
  Dora: I don't think it's important.
• 5:21
  Dora: He just didn't get it at that moment.
• 5:24
  Dora: But that was soon to all change.
• 5:26
  Dora: Eventually I told my husband, and that was one of the hardest conversations of my life.
• 5:33
  Dora: My husband, let's just say he's my pessimist, and he's been always the worst-case scenario kind of guy.
• 5:42
  Dora: So he took the news really hard, and he broke down, and never did I see him so vulnerable.
• 5:50
  Dora: And that's where having those honest conversations of I can't be positive for both of us anymore, that he needs to work through his own stuff at times, and I'm gonna be here as his supportive wife, but now I need to focus on me, I need to focus on my healing.
• 6:09
  Dora: And something started to shift that day on Labor Day when I told him.
• 6:15
  Dora: It was funny because we went to the store to buy our son some medicine from Walgreens, and when we came back, we were sitting in the garage, and I had bought a chocolate bar, and I told him, Do you want a piece of chocolate?
• 6:28
  Dora: And he's not a chocolate lover, but I told him, He's like, sure.
• 6:32
  Dora: And I'm like, Yeah, you're gonna need it.
• 6:34
  Dora: And that's when I broke down the news to him in the car.
• 6:37
  Dora: And he had so many different emotions, and I was afraid because of his reaction, because sometimes he struggles to emotionally regulate, which means that he just spirals out of control, like gets mad and all these things.
• 6:53
  Dora: And let's just say, after a lot of crying and a lot of like listening to each other, it really changed his perspective, my perspective of life, and how I want to live going forward.
• 7:07
  Dora: From there, it's been a whirlwind.
• 7:12
  Dora: Test after test, MRIs, and so many lab works, doctors talking about chemo, surgery, timelines.
• 7:24
  Dora: I can barely process one appointment after the next one is scheduled.
• 7:29
  Dora: And emotionally, oof.
• 7:32
  Dora: It's been about a month that I've been able to process, but it's heavy.
• 7:37
  Dora: Some mornings I wake up with fear in my chest, other days I wake up determined, like ready to go for it.
• 7:43
  Dora: Let's get going.
• 7:45
  Dora: And so I've been really leaning into what I do, my practices, and my spiritual tools to help me cope.
• 7:58
  Dora: So I do my limpias, that be with the huevo, if I feel really heavy, burning like sage, palosanto, definitely praying to my ancestors.
• 8:12
  Dora: I've been journaling with everything that comes up.
• 8:16
  Dora: And sometimes I just write the same question over and over.
• 8:21
  Dora: What does this mean to me?
• 8:24
  Dora: What is God divine trying to say to me?
• 8:28
  Dora: And I'm sure that God is putting this on me, and I've already watched miracles happen.
• 8:38
  Dora: Like God is working in me, through me, and all around me.
• 8:42
  Dora: And the biggest testimony is my husband, because he's definitely making a huge effort, something that I have been praying for for years.
• 8:49
  Dora: We've been together for 23, and he's finally getting with the program.
• 8:54
  Dora: Grateful on life, appreciation for everything we have, the family we we do cherish, and spending quality time with each other.
• 9:05
  Dora: And I did kind of go through initially, like, holy moly, why me?
• 9:12
  Dora: Why now?
• 9:13
  Dora: But then again, I feel like I'm in the best shape of my life.
• 9:16
  Dora: I lost all this weight this year since January.
• 9:19
  Dora: I have been working out like consistently.
• 9:24
  Dora: I've had other couple procedures done, and I've been getting to the root of why I feel the way I feel, because I would at times feel lethargic or tired.
• 9:35
  Dora: And that's when I remind myself, my body is not my enemy, it's my messenger.
• 9:41
  Dora: And so the hardest part is feeling like I'm wearing a mask.
• 9:45
  Dora: To the outside world, I keep it together, but behind closed doors, I let myself fall apart.
• 9:51
  Dora: And that's where I lean into my family, my friends, my kids, my mom, my sisters.
• 9:57
  Dora: And the most beautiful part is the way my community has shown up.
• 10:02
  Dora: Even when they don't know the full story, I feel the love, the prayers, the energy holding me.
• 10:09
  Dora: And it's hard being on this side of the table sharing the news.
• 10:15
  Dora: Because I feel like I'm always the positive one.
• 10:19
  Dora: I'm always the one like uplifting everybody, and kind of like that's my job.
• 10:24
  Dora: But on this side of the house, it's like now I have to accept and learn to receive.
• 10:29
  Dora: This diagnosis has definitely cracked me open in ways I didn't expect.
• 10:36
  Dora: It's forcing me to slow down, to honor my body in a new way.
• 10:42
  Dora: And I can't ignore the signs anymore.
• 10:45
  Dora: I can't just push through.
• 10:48
  Dora: And my inner child has come forward a lot this month.
• 10:53
  Dora: That little five-year-old who always had to be the strong one, who became a caretaker too young, who learned to hide her pain.
• 11:03
  Dora: She's saying, Mijita no mas they be cared for now.
• 11:09
  Dora: So I've felt I've also felt my dad's presence.
• 11:15
  Dora: He passed away in 2019, but I feel him close, like watching over me.
• 11:20
  Dora: Especially in those moments, quiet moments, where I light a candle and pray.
• 11:26
  Dora: My ancestors remind me we're survived.
• 11:30
  Dora: Worse.
• 11:31
  Dora: You carry resilience in your blood.
• 11:33
  Dora: So this isn't just a physical battle, it's ancestral healing.
• 11:38
  Dora: In nuestra cultura, we don't always talk about sickness.
• 11:41
  Dora: We keep it quiet, whisper it.
• 11:44
  Dora: But I believe silence is what keeps us sick.
• 11:47
  Dora: Sharing it, speaking it is what brings light and healing.
• 11:51
  Dora: And I've been doing a little more research on the emotional part, that spiritual side of things, as to what this lump in my breast means.
• 12:02
  Dora: And a lot of it is attributed to that lineage of suppressing emotions, of not being able to grieve.
• 12:12
  Dora: And that goes with my mom, my grandma, and certain women in my life that they're super strong, super resilient, but they're unable to cry or demonstrate those emotions.
• 12:24
  Dora: And that in part is what I'm working through is healing that ancestral line.
• 12:29
  Dora: And my mom has been so supportive, is my sisters, and she still struggles to show her like vulnerable side.
• 12:40
  Dora: And so that's something my mom definitely is working on.
• 12:43
  Dora: And I am also working on, again, receiving that love and support because I'm not used to being the one being cared for.
• 12:50
  Dora: I'm used to being the caregiver, like the one that's like the la mama, the one the go-to for everybody.
• 12:55
  Dora: So that is a new phase for me.
• 12:58
  Dora: But I believe this is all happening in divine timing and it is unfolding as it should be.
• 13:04
  Dora: This past month has taught me so much.
• 13:08
  Dora: First of all, it was boundaries.
• 13:13
  Dora: Boundaries are everything.
• 13:15
  Dora: My time, my energy, my peace.
• 13:18
  Dora: They are so sacred right now that I've been really firm on them.
• 13:25
  Dora: I've been honoring them for myself, for my family, for my friends, because right now I have like about a month before I go through like the actual treatment plan.
• 13:36
  Dora: And there's a lot of things that I'm analyzing.
• 13:38
  Dora: Like, what is it that I want to do with my life?
• 13:41
  Dora: The second one is my body is my ally, not my enemy.
• 13:46
  Dora: Yes, right now we're going through it.
• 13:48
  Dora: It's sick, considered sick, but it's also speaking to me, asking me to listen in ways I never have before.
• 13:56
  Dora: And going through just dialogue with it, tuning into it, I've been picking up on many, many signs that I overlooked.
• 14:04
  Dora: Number three is it's okay to ask for help.
• 14:08
  Dora: For so long, I've been the strong one, the caretaker, la que aguanta.
• 14:13
  Dora: But now I'm learning to receive.
• 14:16
  Dora: And it's amazing to see all the seeds that I planted over the years because now I'm able to like pick up the fruits of that labor.
• 14:25
  Dora: And I just have to ride that wave.
• 14:29
  Dora: Like I was having a conversation with someone, and that's where I have to definitely revisit the movie Moana.
• 14:35
  Dora: I have to see it with a new light because it's such a beautiful movie, if you haven't seen it.
• 14:41
  Dora: But it's like riding that, you know, going past the reef, going past what is known, and changing the trajectory for my ancestors.
• 14:51
  Dora: And that is something that calls to me so much.
• 14:56
  Dora: So, Hermosa, if you're listening to this, please take care of yourself.
• 15:04
  Dora: Don't wait.
• 15:06
  Dora: Schedule that checkup.
• 15:08
  Dora: Listen to your body, don't ignore the whispers before they turn into shouts.
• 15:14
  Dora: As a first gen mujer or those that are were moms and we're women, and we put everybody first, we're conditioned to carry it all.
• 15:26
  Dora: To put others before ourselves.
• 15:28
  Dora: But our healing matters too, especially our physical healing.
• 15:33
  Dora: This wasn't easy to share.
• 15:51
  Dora: I know it was necessary.
• 15:53
  Dora: I want you to know if you're walking through your own storm, you're not alone.
• 15:59
  Dora: Your body is wise, your ancestors are with you, and healing, even if it looks different than what you expected, healing is always possible.
• 16:10
  Dora: I'll be bringing you along on this journey, the lessons, the tears, the victories.
• 16:16
  Dora: And it's gonna look a little different than what I planned in the next following months, but this month I have a lot of goodies dropping here and there, and I'll be opening up my books for October, and I hope to connect with you before I take time for my own healing.
• 16:37
  Dora: So, until next time, embrace your races, reclaim your essencia.
• 16:42
  Dora: Con mucho carino, I'll talk to you soon.
• 16:46
  Dora: Bye.