Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 127. Raising the Bar: A King’s Take on Modern Masculinity & Being a Present Dad

Transcript

127. Raising the Bar: A King’s Take on Modern Masculinity & Being a Present Dad · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apogae Production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the She Rises Podcast.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, Welcome back to She Rides with the Ashy,
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Tiana and Steve. Hello, he's back in the building. So
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: today we're talking a bunch of different things. We've got
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: a bunch of questions we want to ask you because
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: we obviously talk on the podcast all the time. I
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: talk about motherhood, I talk about business, to talk about
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: my life, lessons, my journey, and they want to hear
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: your perspective, like a male's perspective, a dad's perspective, my
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: husband's perspective.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: So let's get straight into it.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Let's bring it, let's do it all right, let's start
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: nice and light. You're a father of two. I've got
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: a nine year old boy together and a three year old, sassy,
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: spicy little girl. What's the best thing about being a dad.
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: Ooh so good. The unconditional love when they run to
• 1:10
  Speaker 4: the door when you come home, or the cuddles in
• 1:13
  Speaker 4: the morning, all that sort of stuff.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, those little moments.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Hey, Like even when you leave each morning, she gets
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: so upset if he leaves without a million kisses and cuddles.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Causa cuddle, Daddy, go on the car be.
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: Like Like physical touch used to be such a love
• 1:27
  Speaker 4: language for me, but I just get so much of
• 1:29
  Speaker 4: it from the kids.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: It's yeah, and you need a wife.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm very touchy. What's something that you wish you
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: knew back then when you first became a dad that
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: you knew now?
• 1:41
  Speaker 4: I would say, just how important it is to have
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: a really solid foundation in relationship.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: That's what your kids see and what the end of
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: role model?
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, the energy to it just sets up the
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: whole house.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Really it does.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: When we're good, it just overflows them.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: They feel it.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, energy is so important, isn't it Just like an
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: any household. Yeah, they'd be the first ones to feel
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: it too. You know, mom and dad are off or
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: they're not feeling good, and.
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: Just those times when we've had arguments in front of
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: the kids and you just see them. It's just so sad.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: That's the word.
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: Doesn't happen often, but when it has happened, it's.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: Especially the old one. I feel like, especially Tage, like
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: he's old enough to understand that, like we are having
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: a disagreement, and that the energy is really.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: The little look on his face to you, I could
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: have magine, So don't argue, love each other.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: Everything's okay.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, so sad. It is really sad.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: How has that been for you having both a daughter
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: and a son, Like do you feel like you have
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: had to learn how to parent differently based on having
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: a son and a daughter? Do you feel like you
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: show up differently?
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, a little bit. I find myself vitaged, like if
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: he injured himself or whatever, you wouldn't give him as
• 2:45
  Speaker 4: much like empathy, I guess, like, whereas Tala like, I've
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: got a little how oh my god, you for a
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: little thing?
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: Is that age too though?
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Because she's only maybe.
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: He's I just caught myself the other day how much
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: I like baby baby? Yeah, like my little princess.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Because obviously there's such different personalities, right, they're different ages.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: If Tyler is very big and bold and sassy, and
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: then Taj is quite reserved and granted he has energy
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: similar to yours.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: You know, that's so true, actually.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: Very gentle energy. Is there one that triggers you more?
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: And if so, how Uh?
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: Ty's just triggering me at the moment, you know, it
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: doesn't listen.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, answers bad, all resists. Is that that age?
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just more of an age thing. I'm sure
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: when Tyler's a teenager, oh god, how or both the
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: teenagers is going to be different?
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that must be interesting though to see the
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: change and because he is coming into his own personality now,
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: he's coming into his own thoughts and the way of
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: thinking and coming into his own which.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Is great, Like you want them to have their own ways.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Is there anything specific that triggers you?
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: Like?
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Is it the talking back? Is it noise?
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: For me? It's just he's not communicating properly, Like he's
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: just not listening, you know, the things. I've worked with
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: kids all my life, and it's definitely just an appropriate thing.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: I'm yeah sure on a personality trait, I don't.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Think witnessing you be a dad, I find it takes
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: a lot to rattle you, Like it's not very often
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: you'll get just regulated or snap or yell or like
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: you're pretty cool and calm. Is there anything that.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Just grinds your gears like you're like, oh, I just can't.
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: It's a stacking effect. I think when you've got like
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: things happening at once and then when the kids fight
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: and you can't.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: S Yeah, that's a lot at the moment.
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: My last one, I think was when they just could
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: not get along.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I was in the sauna, like, yeah, he's like I'm out.
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: I was just letting him go and you're just ging
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: back into a it's.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Going off, like I'm trying to rea the sort of
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: what is happening.
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: I've lost it.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Steve's over here locking him in the room. We've sorted outselves.
• 4:51
  Speaker 4: That's probably the bickering between the two.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I think that's the hardest thing at the moment.
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: It's just an age thing again. I think, Yeah, and.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: They both antagonize each other, but then like antagonize, it
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: can flip and they.
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: Can be so cute enjoy antagonizing it. It's an age
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: thing again, but you just enjoys it.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: As a parent, what do you think your strength is? Like,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: I think I know what your strength is come littlehead. Yeah,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: I think you're going to be amazing. And you already
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: are as like their safe place or do it think
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: I've told you, like you've spoken about this. Yeah. When
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: they've become teenagers and they want to go out to
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: parties or you know, the friend's gonna have alcohol there, I'm.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Going to be the stressing mom like, eh, don't drink,
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: don't take drugs.
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, if Taj wants to drink, say at
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: fifteen sixteen, or it comes home drunk, Like yeah.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: I honestly my work is going to be just regulating
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: my own nervous system. And I think you'll be leading
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: in that and I'll be leaning on you.
• 5:37
  Speaker 4: I think I should.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it'd beautiful at it. They're going to
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: feel really safe to come to you and tell you anything,
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: and I want to be that as well. I'm super
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: aware of it. It's just like practicing being that.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: But you're also being a parent for the first time
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: as well, for the both of you, Like there's a
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: season in parenthood that you haven't had to navigate before,
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: so naturally there will be challenges that come up for
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: you both in different areas. You know, and how beautiful
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: it actually can lean on you in that time to
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: be their and then.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: There'll be things that you that Steve can lear in
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: that sense too.
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, I definitely appreciate the rules in this strictness
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: that you have, Like I wouldn't say even strict, just
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: boundaries parenting, you know, Like I'm a little bit more flexible. Yeah,
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: a lot of things, and definitely can't have that all.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: The time, like kids need boundaries, boundaries.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's beautiful because I think it's nice to
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: have different energies for different reasons. And the all the softness.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: It's annoying sometimes because I'm like, I don't want to
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: be the bad guy. Sometimes I literally say to Steep,
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: I've asked them four times, you want to do it?
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: Now?
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: You always step up and do it. But sometimes I
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: think you just let me need to be the bad guy.
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: I can just hold it a little bit longer.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: True, Yeah, my patients a little bit fuses a little bit. Yes,
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: I'm definitely more tapped out. Once and it's five PM,
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, what do you think your strength is?
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: I don't know, just loving on them, loving on all
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: of who they are.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: What do you think Ashley's strength.
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: Is caring for them. Yeah, making sure that they're looked after,
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: everything's sorted.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: They're always on my mind, Like I'm always ten steps
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: ahead of like what they might need and how I
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: can take care of them, and how I can make
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: the day amazing, and how I can support them more
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: like the very Yeah, I'm always forward thinking and like
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: just how can I support and be there for them more?
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I think as a parent, Like I found that question
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: hard to answer because I'd like you day yourself, Well,
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: I know, I do always want to be a better parent,
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: and I hold guilt and shame from the times that
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I have lost my marbles or you know human Yeah, yeah,
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: get impatient with them or I don't think I ever
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: invalidate them. But sometimes I'll say to Taj, like is
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: that worth getting this upset about?
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Like having to go to bed at seven thirties?
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: I want to watch that football.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: I'm like, darling, I get it. However, oh my gosh,
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: would you've liked to have more kids? This gets us
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: on socials all the time.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: If you could have many as many, I reckon, But
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: it's just not practical. Way, Yeah, it's too hard to
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: do a good job.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: And do a good job.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, to be a parent that I want to be.
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: But I'd love to have a big tribe, you know awesome.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: Say when you get older, you'd never regret having any
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: kids because that's all you live for, love and watching
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: them grow.
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: Your dynamic would have to be a lot different to
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: have more kids. Yeah, one stay home.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Yes, and it's less time for each other as well.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I think we're someone that really values like our freedom,
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: our hobbies, our time together, our stay case and like
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: that would definitely take a back seat more.
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: I'd love to see the stat on such terious women
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: the average kids to be subt.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: The freedom factor, Oh oh my gosh, that sagittarious love,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: all those memes that come through. It's always freedom, adventure play.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: And then Libra, you're a Libra.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: You're very like balanced, calme, open minded, fair, It's good mix.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I put in chat to be to the other day.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: I was like Libra man, sagittarious woman, and it was
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: like such a good fit, Like I really balance each
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: other out and I make life really expansive and he
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: brings them like grounds me.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: It's like a good match for you guys.
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, do you see the kids in both of you, like,
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: is there one child that you think is more like you?
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: And then same with Ashy.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: It's funny because I think Taj looks like you, but
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: it acts like me. Ya, Tyler looks like me and excellent.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I was going to say the same thing.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's wild. It's so true. You put Tyler and
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Steve together and they're like twins and mean Taj. Even
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: that detail of our eye color, which is yellow green fails,
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: long round of face.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: C and the noses.
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I think Tyler's bit more me, a
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: bit more wild, loves attention, wants to be on stage.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: She's a girl's girl. Look at me.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: She's a girl's girl.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: Girl's girl.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: She's a girls club, girls club, girls club, No boy's club,
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: no boys.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: Literally says that out laugh.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: Even yesterday I was like, I'm gonna go get my
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: car or she want to come Tyler, and she goes,
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: what are the boys doing it? The boys are saying
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: here and she goes, yeah, like she was stoked. It's
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: just going to get the car.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. She's funny.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I'd love to know your like, obviously I know her,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: but for everyone listening your thoughts on screen time for children.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: Well, one, it's necessary in some times where you've got
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: to get things done, like as a parent. It's a
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: tool that you can't underestimate. Does the job perfectly, like
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean if you need an hour's
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: time to do something around the house or like yeah,
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: meeting or whatever. It is like it works like there's that.
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: But then, like anything, it can be abused. It can
• 10:31
  Speaker 4: be detrimental, it can be used too much. It's disconnecting.
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: You know, we hate it when Tag is on it
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: because he's so disconnected from us. It's like anything, it
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: has its good and it's bad. I'm a little bit
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: on the camp of kids need to learn how to
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: use these things and be very proficient at it these days.
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: So Taj has a passion for it, it's going to
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: serve him.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Well, it's quite creative on there.
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: But how you integrate it and keep the boundaries.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: It's a such a dance.
• 10:59
  Speaker 4: It's a dance, and I think it's important, but it's
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: also got to be regulated.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I've been quite strict on it.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I agree.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: I think you were more flexible in it than what
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: I was. But then it just started to get too much.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: So now we've got like strict boundaries on when he
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: can have it and when he can't have.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: It, because sometimes you just finish work and you just
• 11:18
  Speaker 4: want to have some time to yourself. You have about
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: and you come home and kids are just they're so energetic,
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: they just want It's a tough dance between all of it.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: And sometimes it's nice even at night. We'll put on
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: like funny animals on YouTube and like it's good for
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: us to relax, but we're all enjoying something.
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, you know, limited time to have sex.
• 11:37
  Speaker 4: There's been a time where we're on the weekend, use
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: it twenty minutes.
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so true.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Without little knocks at the door, What are you I doing?
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: That is big the risk.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how frequent are the interruptions at the moment though,
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: between both kids, it's wild, Like us, he's.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: So nosy, he knows what's going on.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah he does. And then Tyler would just randomly like
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: cry or just like I can hear noise at the
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: door and she's just standing there hovering. I'm like, are
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: you okay? Bage He's like, okay, I just want another cuddle.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I'm okay, You're like no right now, no right now,
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: and daddy need five.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Or ten or twenty would be great.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Two, Oh my goodness, so funny.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about when we go into teenagers, back to
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: what we were saying about how they're going to feel
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: safe to you.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: How do you think you will manage we will manage.
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: Drugs and alcohol? Like when will that conversation come into
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: play if they want to try it? What will you
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: be encouraging saying?
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Allowing?
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: It's going to be very hard to not be a
• 12:38
  Speaker 4: hypocrite because I did it all when I was a teenager, Yeah,
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: and had a very awesome experience, Like I don't like
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: you had fun fun, you know, like I had a
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: great So I believe teenagers are going to do in
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: my own experience, You're going to do what they want
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: to do, regardless of you'd like them to come to
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: you for everything. But if you're strict that, they're going
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: to find other ways. I know that's how I was.
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: I always found a way to do it, whether it
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: was behind my parents back totally. Then there was the
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: other parents who embraced it, and you always over their house.
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: They were open with it, and I always sort of
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: looked at those parents with admiration because I felt more
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: connected with I felt disconnected with mine. So I'd hope
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: that they would feel safe, that their.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Friends could come, Yeah, to be like a safe place,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: the safe place.
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: But I do think our kids will probably not be
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: drawn to alcohol or drugs. I just feel that their
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: upbringing is going to be that way. So if they
• 13:35
  Speaker 4: do do it, it's going to be experimental and not
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: a regular every weekend. But it's also about the group
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: as well. So yeah, my hope is where kids are
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: going to be strong enough to in their own cells
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: to make their own decisions. But we all know what
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: that time's like.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, son, influential time.
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah. I just wanted to be safe too.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: I found for me, sport is what really kept me
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: on the straight and narrow. I was the only person
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: in my friendship group that dance, played netball, detached. I
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: was really sporting because all my friends were going to
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: like doofs and taking drugs and just hegged it weekends
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: and come back on Monday and I'd played netball and
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: I'd worked at the fish and chip shop. We had
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: just had different lives. But if I didn't have my sport,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: I think it would have been so easy just to
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: fit want to fit in and be around because I
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: don't want to be a home either.
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so our kids will we hope or just yeah.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: I mean Tag loves footy now he loves footy. Oh
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: my gosh.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: We all live for it.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: Like Tyler will be like that. She's very energetic and
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: she's got a big personality. So I think anything to
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: do with groups, yeah, I think she'll be drawn too,
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: because it's the community aspect.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: It's also love.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she loves to dance. Taj is quite a rule
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: follower as well. He doesn't like stretching outside the rules,
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: the boundaries. He likes to be like a quote unquote
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: good boy, and we've had where he gets that from me.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: Not so much these days, but we have also had
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: really open discussions with Taj already around alcohol. He knows
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: that we don't drink and drugs. We've explained that when
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: you do have the things that you can make really
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: silly decisions you can hurt people. We've even watched like
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: Little Doccos where you know, method ICs are on the
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: street and like they're acting crazy and he's like, WHOA,
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: why they do that? And we talk about that like,
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: this is why we don't touch it. You don't know
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: what's in the druction and how what he's going to respond.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: And I wonder if you hurt someone. And he's quite
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: emotionally intelligent, I think it's just felt natural to talk
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: about it with him.
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: You just can't discount what his peer group's going to be. Yeah,
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: in high school, that's the biggest coming it is, well,
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: not the biggest.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: That's a big influence.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, big influence.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: I think Tyler's going to want to break the RULESO.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: That seems after a valius like fu, this is my world,
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: you're living in it.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: You know what?
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: As well though, I think as well peer pressure is
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: a big thing. But also the way that you guys parent.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: I feel like you teach and you allow them to
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: make their own decision. It's like you give them all
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: the options and go like, hey, like this is what
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: will happen and these are the consequences. So I feel
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: like you give them the opportunity to make the decision
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: for themselves. But because Taje already is so emotionally intelligent,
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: I feel like he's got a good foundation of being
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: able to have that internal discernment system.
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: Have you ever tried it?
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, what's their experience? What tried? You're gonna be like,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: what haven't I tried? Some how many hours? Have you
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: got a lot.
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: Of what I'd love to take to an iowasco.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, Yeah that would be insane. I really
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: age like fifteen or something.
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: I don't put an age to time on it. When
• 16:24
  Speaker 4: he's old enough. There'll be a time when I think
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: he's old enough. But yeah, I really feel that's something
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: i'd love to try with.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that'd be also, that'd be such an eye opening
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: experience even for him to have that level of awareness
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: and knowledge and internalize knowledge from such a young age
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: and even so pivotal for him.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's had a good childhood, but we all know
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: everyone has trauma, which is micro moments you've been missed
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: or stressing the body whatever. To be able to clear
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: and move through that from such a young age, like
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: you're setting him up like tenfold, and.
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: Things that he'll experience from external as well.
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, friendship breakdowns or relationship breakdowns, experiences with teachers, schools, bullies,
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: all that sort of stuff. It's like all of that too.
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: Do you have any advice for any single women who
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: so maybe looking for the men of their dreams, are
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: looking for a person to create a life with and
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: to find a partner in. Is there any traits or
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: characteristics that you suggest that they might.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: Lord are the green flags and red flags? No, lot
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: of the green and red flags.
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: I'm quite traditional in old fashioned in that way, Like
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: I feel like a woman should be chased, not the
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: other way around. And I feel I do believe in
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: you attract what you are. So if you're wanting to
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: be there's a particular person in life that you're trying
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: you want, you need to become that person and then
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: naturally that will come over and not chasing more attracting.
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: I definitely believe in not having sex on the first date.
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: Like I feel like men are so drawn to the chase,
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: and it's such a big thing in connection in initially,
• 17:53
  Speaker 4: like you should hold out as long as you can,
• 17:56
  Speaker 4: and that's from experience.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: Like to get them to know who you are, just
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: to get.
• 18:00
  Speaker 4: That attraction and drawn and you learn so much about
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: a person in that first first energy exchange, you know,
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: and it's drawing that out as long as possible if
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: that person's right. Like also like obviously that's probably something
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: you've been through lately, you know, like your checklist, you know,
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: take your time because people's masks are so strong like
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: these days, you know, like you can hold out a
• 18:28
  Speaker 4: facade for ages before the real mask comes off. So
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: don't rush it and make sure you go through the dating,
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: you know, wait so that they just show their true self.
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: And then it's the same with you though, Like you've
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: got to be authentic in your own you know, put
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: your own facade on. But I think you're also got
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: to be ready to give love, not just there to
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: get love. Like those people have jumped from relationship relationship
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: because they need it, because they feel empty and they're
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: craving love, which is so valid. But until you're in
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: a position where I'm full and I'm ready to over
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: flow and that person's full, and really know, if that's.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: All, that's imagic, it's so beautiful.
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: Whereas the other sis, I need love, I'm empty, I
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: need to get it. You're looking for someone to fill
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: you up. That energy exchange is conditional. You can see
• 19:18
  Speaker 4: how that dynamic is not healthy.
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: No, it's a huge distinction to make though what you
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: just said, not just being willing to get love, but
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: to be willing to give love, because it's when is
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: that conversation ever really hard? It's I want to be
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: with this person because it makes me feel good or
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: they give me validation. It feels nice to have their attention,
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: But how much are you willing to pour back into
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: that other person?
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I think that's amazing.
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: And when we have both doing.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: It, yeah, then it's overflowed together. And if there were
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: any like you know, you mentioned about holding out until
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: having sex before you can get to know them and
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: know who they are and make sure you're certain about
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: that person, what would you say to the woman who's
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: feeling a little bit of pressure from that man, not
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: forceful pressure, but like a little bit of making murder.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Sure it said, I love it.
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: It's your power and it's sacred, bit old fashion in that.
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: I just feel like that energy exchange is really important.
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: It's important in the first bit to really establish the
• 20:07
  Speaker 4: connection because some men won't put the effort in.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: That's a red flag.
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: And that's a red flag in itself. And I'm all
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: for having sex and having fun and all that sort
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: of stuff, Like if you're not looking for that person,
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: then but I know from a man's point of view,
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: like I'm so much more drawn in the chase, and
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: once you've had sex there is a different shift.
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: So it's like that emotional connection is super important for
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: that point because then when that sexual lust or that
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: moment is kind of over, it's like you've got that
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: emotional foundation. Yeah, so much, rather than not having built
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: that emotional connection and then it losing and then not
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: having that as well.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: It's like, oh well, that's it pulled all your cards
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: out at once, and it's just drawing it out and making.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: It building a foundation.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Really, I think the slow burn is so important.
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: And it's so exciting, enjoyable. Get it back the second time.
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: You only get one. I'm at it.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: One chance when opportuited, make a man it, ladies, you
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: heard the man.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: So when Tyler comes to you at eighteen, she's like
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: ready to get a boyfriend, and she's like, Dad, what
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: kind of man.
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: Doing your dreaming? Dad?
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: What kind of like man should I look for?
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Help me out here?
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: Personally, I don't think she'd be asking a father for that,
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: but I'd like to think she's going to model nice.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:24
  Speaker 4: I think that's how it works, isn't it.
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: You can speak from you, yeah, one hundred percent. Like
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: even from my dad. There are definitely traits in my
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: dad where I'm like, I need a man.
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: Like this, my dad's standards.
• 21:32
  Speaker 3: It's not necessarily conversation you have. It really is just
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: you look, you observe, you see the traits in them.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: Like my dad still sends me good morning messages and
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: I'm a grown ass woman, you know what I mean,
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: you know, And it's so beautiful, And it's like that consideration,
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: the care is caretaking, his providing ed his big dream
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: of mindset and backed by action. He always follows through
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: and like can create and if he puts his mind
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: to anything, he does it.
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: So if you always draw on to that sort of man.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: When I don't have it, I really notice it. When
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: I don't have it, I feel like there's something missing.
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: So where does the bad boy fit into this? Like
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: where does the poor women? Yeah, Like you know how
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: women always drawn to bad boys.
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: I would say I've been drawn to the quotations bad
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: boys when I've been in my ego and I haven't
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: been a more healed, softer version of myself because then
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: I was wounded, So I was attracting wounded men.
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: Was it more of just a sexual energy thing.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, feeling on edge, feeling naughty. Oh, I shouldn't do this,
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: but I kind of want to, and I kind of
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: want to explore that. But again, I feel like that's
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: a really unconscious way to explore that need to live
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: life on the edge and be a rebel, Whereas like
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: you can find that in other ways and do it
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: intentionally instead of attracting men who then impact you in
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: a negative way.
• 22:39
  Speaker 4: Makes sense.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I was scared of the bad boy. I always went
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: for like the nice country boy.
• 22:43
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but that's your father model was bad. Do you
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: either go I want an opposite. I want everything that
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: a model or everything opposite.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: I think I was upset you went opposite, right, Yeah.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: Like even with you, It's like I wanted someone that
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: doesn't yell at me, isn't aggressive, it's calm.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I got like a big tape compared to that. Yeah.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: And the times where I were attracted to the more
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: bad boy, it was when I was in a rebellion stage,
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: not against my parents but against my self and life,
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: and I wanted to rebel and I felt like I
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: was pushing back and all of these different things. But
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: when I kind of worked on myself and learned to
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: love myself more than I was. Starting to attract the
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: nice man, the kind one, the one who genuinely cared
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: about me as opposed to having a trophy on there
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: are you know someone pretty to look at or you
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: know anything like that?
• 23:31
  Speaker 4: So who's your perfect guy? If you were to, let's
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: your checklist?
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: Notice who does this in the interviews? It puts the
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: questions back.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, I question, I've had enough, Okay, I'm done,
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: and tapped out what's my checklist? The first thing is respect,
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: so respect and also still being able to communicate kindly
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: even if they're mad.
• 23:52
  Speaker 4: The reason I asked that is because was that your dad?
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Respectful? Like I never witnessed my parents fight growing up.
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: You don't really need to tell your daughter or it's
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: in your action. Yeah, it's in how you show up.
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: They're gonna years of evidence of how they do or
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: don't want to be. That's all. That's the scariest thing
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: as a parent.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: It's a lot of responsibility.
• 24:12
  Speaker 4: It's the things unconsciously that you're doing good and bad,
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: like also the bad like I know our bad traits
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: and you know your kids are just modeling those bad traits.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, little sponges, little sponges.
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, but yeah, hopefully we can show.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Consistent, beautiful relationship.
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: Even in our fights, like a conscious thing is like
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: showing them how to fight too.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: And how to repair and.
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: How to repair like not just it is, yeah.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: To apologize in front of each other, to.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Own your part.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: Sorry.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, even little things like we always say, like I
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: know for me, I always say, like I didn't breathe,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: then I should have taken more breaths. If I get
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: like with my patience with him or with Steve, I
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: like say that I need to take more breaths, I
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: need to take some time. And that's on me, that
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: wasn't on you, like just to own it.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's so beautiful for them to see that
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: so young.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: You want that to be their normal to say sorry,
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: to own their stuff, not for it to be uncomfortable,
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: because I know for me growing up was I never
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: saw that. So as an adult saying sorry, it was
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: quite uncomfortable.
• 25:03
  Speaker 4: I remember that time and it was Hawaii with Robins
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: and he got us up on the stage in front
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: of everyone. About the person you become loved from the most,
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: I'll deal it with you. So who was the person
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: who you crave love from the most? Your mom or
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: your dad?
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: My mom?
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah? Who did you have to be to get the
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: love from your mom?
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: Agreeable?
• 25:23
  Speaker 4: Agreeable? What else?
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: A good girl?
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: Like? So I'm told, was you told don't push back,
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: don't be opinionated?
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: And would you say you became that person?
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I've been unlearning it for the last ten years.
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah. So that was a big one for us because
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: we actually lost our father's. Well you never had a father.
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: I lost my father when I was really young. So
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: we were confused by that question.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: We had to put our hands up with Tony and
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: we said, like, we think we crave our dad, but
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: I don't have a dad's I don't know. And then
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: it was do you think your dad would want you
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: to be?
• 25:53
  Speaker 4: Yep, So I got to make up my own story
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: of what her dad should be. So I got to
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: be I think dad should be this, I should that.
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: So it became that person. So it was really cool.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: That is cool.
• 26:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but such a strong thing that shapes who you are. Yeah,
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: you crave love from the most, and it's usually the
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: one that didn't give it to you.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, so true Hey, it's the big one. It's
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: a good exercise.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Last one On Instagram, I put up a little Q
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: and A, So I'm going to give you some hot
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: seat questions, Baby, are you ready?
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: Not really, he's a rogue. Did you make love after
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: the dance class? I got?
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: I'm sure we did.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: We did damn straight wrong.
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: Not to.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Do you prefer me blonde or brunette?
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: For this season? Brunette?
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: This season brunette? How did you know Asha was the one?
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: You guys are so cute with my bullshit?
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: I know, I don't know. It's just a feeling, isn't
• 26:46
  Speaker 4: it a feeling? Yeah? Just I don't think you really know.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: At the start, I disagree with Steve and I were
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: talking online. Guy, Yeah I was talking to a car
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: guys and no offense, But you were the most.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Boring on the phone.
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: I still am.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: But I went on dates with the other men, and
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: then Steve was the last one to go on a
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: date with this open period of time.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Just want from eggs in one basket, you know?
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: Anyways, player, when I met Steve, it was an instant.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: This feels like home. It was an instant. I'm not
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: leaving this is it? The other one's got cut off.
• 27:19
  Speaker 2: I just knew.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I can't explain it. I just had this inner knowing. Yeah.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that hasn't been doubts along the way,
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: but I knew from the start, like this is my person.
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: Yeahful, Yeah, so I woman's intuition.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah right, totally some advice for your younger self.
• 27:32
  Speaker 4: Jeez, poor little Steve, he was so lost. You got this,
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: I think?
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that got there's some row things in here.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: What are some non sexual things that actually does that
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: turns you on?
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: Just meant she's a mum and just being such an
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: awesome mother. I love that. Just watching her in a
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: passion and purpose. That's pretty cool. When you used to
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: walk down the booty tours and those, Yeah, that's cool.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Did you get aroused by the dance? I've been here?
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: Another question is was it awkward being around the other
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: guys that were there?
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: Being aroused to a ton of vision? Blind in my
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: left eye actually sat me in the back right corner too,
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: So it.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Was all intentional.
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: It was all of like somebody wrote, is he ready
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: for another dance from you?
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Or maybe he can dance for you?
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: I've received many since.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: Did you ever flipped on his head. Are you going
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: to dance for? Actually? Hope this is for both of you.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: What was one piece of relationship advice you wish someone
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: gave you sooner? Might be to like seek out help
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: and have a coach sooner, someone to like just help mediate,
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: someone to help keep growing you together as a couple.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: How do you stay or reconnect after having babies?
• 28:49
  Speaker 4: Time, purposeful planning of intimacy, planning, holidays.
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: Date nights, and it's even like they're the big things.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: I think we've been really intentional since Tarlt. It's like
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: the micro moments, so like when we're in the kitchen
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: of Steff on the bench and right my legs around
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: and have a big cuddle and just find you're coming
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: down to the office and you know, just checking in
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: and give me a kiss and cuddle. Like it's finding
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: little moments that throughout the day and the weeks and
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: the years, it really adds up and contribute.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Can you guys tell everyone about your rule when you leave.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: The office anyway?
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: What's the rule?
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: Cannot leave it out giving me a kiss. We've had
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: that rule since we got together. It's dimmed from a
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: conversation years and years ago. Of like if something was
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: to happen to the other person and you've left and
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: there's bad energy or a fight, it just breaks anything.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: You just like you know, you're still solid.
• 29:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, the person's got to leave and you've got to.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: Like not It's like a quick peck on the cheek.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: It's not like a man out.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: Once again. It's a state changer. It just like brings
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: us back together and reminds us that, like it's me
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: and you. You might be pissing me off, but I
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: still love you.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: I think knows that. I witness you guys do really well.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: As you guys have always prioritized date night, and that's
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: been something where you guys like noe, date night is
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: a stay case all of it.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: It's like no, Thursday night is dinner night. Yeah, we're
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: going on a date and that's our time alone.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, got to keep dating.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: And we take turns and plays. So one week he'll
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: plan something, the next week I do. But last year
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: we did this massive big goals thing on New Year's
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Eve and we wrote all our goals and it was like,
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: gone more stay case and we didn't do it. So
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: this year we were like fuck that we're doing it.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: We're going on stay CA's and we've gone on the
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: last three months, we've gone on one to Sydney, and
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: it's been so fun, so connecting, and it's.
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's it's not much see it as
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: a priority and you treat it as such. And I
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: think that's the most important lesson of this is that
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: you guys know that when you both pour into each
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: other and everything else is better after that.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: And you know what, I think there's been through stages,
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: like seventeen years together. It's a long time where you
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: do feel like passing ships or you're just co parenting
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: in the same house and it feels shit.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: That would be hard.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: It's like, no, this is not us, and this doesn't
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: feel good. And for me personally, our relationship is my foundation.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: If we're good and alive and connected and happy and
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: intimate all the things, I'm like a fucking fairy float.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: I feel so feminine and alive and happy. I'm bouncing
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: off the walls like I've had ten copies. The moment
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: we're disconnected, can't fucking cope.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like batter around plugs and.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: I can't do anything well. I'm on present I'm scattered, anxious,
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: I'm so plugged into you that it's just it's so
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: important to keep plugged in in a really beautiful way.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: It makes everything good. Comes back to that repair thing. Hey,
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: how important repair?
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: Would Yes, the better your relationship, the quicker you can repair.
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: It's so true. Or the more regulated you are, the
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: faster you can repair. Like I know for myself, if
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: I am more regulated, I can come back so much
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: quicker and say, hey, I'm really sorry I said that,
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: or like I should have said it like this, or
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: what I meant was, or I shouldn't have assumed, and
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: you can just speak more respectfully and.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: Kindly and openly. Yeah, what a journey. What a journey.
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's also you know, when you keep
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: growing it it feels like this is just the beginning too,
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: of like everything else that's going to come after this.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: It's exciting your next one, I know, I know it's
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: going to be so interesting. You guys best friends, so
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: I know, I really there's no pressure, Steve, but yeah,
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: it's got.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: To be approved.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: And I hope you like football.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, got a fair few things.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: We've already got all our trips planned that we're going
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: to do together us. You guys were sharing a room,
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: we'll be sharing. We've already spoken about it. Thank you
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: for joining us, really appreciate it having. Thank you for
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: your time, your energy, your wisdom, all of it. We
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: love you so much. It calls us.
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's Pooky's Peaky Good you guys.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Bye,