Latest / Not All Business / Casual Friday: Embarrassing Moments, Lies, and Impossible Feedback

Transcript

Casual Friday: Embarrassing Moments, Lies, and Impossible Feedback · Not All Business

• 0:00
  Welcome to a new episode of Casual Friday.
• 0:02
  Let me set the scene. You're in a skirt.
• 0:04
  You sit down in front of your boss and your legs make that
• 0:07
  noise. You know the one.
• 0:08
  And now you replay that scene over and over again in your
• 0:12
  head. Or maybe you've been told, don't
• 0:15
  be so aggressive, but also don't let yourself get steamrolled.
• 0:18
  Or your boss asked you to lie to a customer and you have no idea
• 0:22
  what to do. If any of these sound familiar,
• 0:25
  you're in the right place. Today we're trying something
• 0:27
  new. Casual Friday episodes, just the
• 0:30
  three of us. Quick hits where we tackle
• 0:32
  sticky situations and rapid fire.
• 0:34
  There's no guests. It's just us answering the
• 0:36
  questions you're too afraid to ask anywhere else.
• 0:39
  Welcome to Not All Business, a podcast by two former CEO's who
• 0:42
  went from competitors to friends.
• 0:44
  I'm Blakely Graham and my Co host is Heather Cooper, and
• 0:47
  we're joined by our producer Clay Cornell.
• 0:49
  Now let's get down to business. Guys, it's casual Friday
• 1:00
  episode. These are my favorite because
• 1:02
  it's cozy and a little bit more relaxed.
• 1:05
  It's just the three of us. We can, you know, take the mask
• 1:08
  off. Not you though, Clay, you.
• 1:11
  You are in a polar vortex. I want to hear everything going
• 1:14
  on in Michigan. Well, let's right now.
• 1:15
  Yeah, let's address that. It is Casual Friday and I am the
• 1:18
  most casually dressed. I mean, I have AI was literally
• 1:21
  just outside shoveling right before this.
• 1:24
  And I got my car hat on for those who are listening.
• 1:27
  And I'm keeping it on because our basement is crazy cold.
• 1:31
  I live in a house that was built in the 30s.
• 1:34
  Listen, it's a little cold here. So that's why I'm dressed
• 1:37
  casually on Casual Friday. That's an old house.
• 1:41
  It's. Going to be 110 years.
• 1:44
  Wow. That's cool.
• 1:46
  That's really cool. So you are, I mean, is it, is it
• 1:50
  the amount of snow that's keeping everything cold or is it
• 1:53
  just temperatures dropping? Temperatures.
• 1:56
  So my mom texted me and said it's a polar vortex and that's
• 1:58
  where I get my news. So she's like, hey.
• 2:01
  From your Mama. All caps polar vortex.
• 2:06
  So I was like, whoa, I didn't even Google that.
• 2:08
  I was just like, well, that's what it is.
• 2:10
  So so it's a polar vortex. And what that means is basically
• 2:15
  we're getting just a crazy push of cold.
• 2:19
  And so, yeah, you. Know next weekend and then it
• 2:21
  gets stuck is what happens the vortex it gets stuck around by
• 2:24
  the way Heather be prepared the vortex is coming to us next
• 2:27
  weekend so whatever has happened in Detroit it's coming right
• 2:30
  down to Colorado so. How the weather, how winds
• 2:33
  works? It's, it's West to east.
• 2:36
  Yeah, we always look. Yes, it is.
• 2:38
  First of all, I really don't know where Detroit is, and
• 2:40
  second of all, we are getting. This not West of California.
• 2:46
  We are not don't think like that.
• 2:48
  We, we. We are.
• 2:49
  We have fun plans next weekend, OK.
• 2:52
  Well, I might be wearing this hat for the rest of our podcast
• 2:56
  this entire winter because it is so cool.
• 2:59
  I have two space heaters that I turn off for the show for sound
• 3:02
  because it would just be crazy loud.
• 3:04
  So anyway. We need to get you a heating
• 3:06
  pad. Do you know about the heating
• 3:08
  pad? I know about the heating.
• 3:09
  Pad in your heating pad? Yeah, lay it on top of your lap.
• 3:12
  It's very nice and cozy. That is not good for males and I
• 3:15
  won't go into detail why, but they can get to an unsafe
• 3:19
  temperature so I will have to figure out some other situation.
• 3:23
  Because your child. Bordering on sticky.
• 3:25
  I don't want to talk. About it, it's wait, wait, wait,
• 3:28
  wait, wait, wait, wait. Well, I don't think you need to
• 3:30
  go there with the word sticky is.
• 3:32
  It just for like. A childbearing.
• 3:35
  Concerns you didn't. Apparently it's a sticky concern
• 3:39
  when when things get heated up down there, it's.
• 3:42
  Not I want to know the answer to that.
• 3:44
  Is it for childbearing concerns or is it for all men?
• 3:47
  My employer cannot ask that question.
• 3:50
  My employer cannot ask that question.
• 3:53
  Like why am I telling you this? That is a factual health right.
• 3:57
  It has nothing to like. It's not opinion like.
• 4:00
  He was done having kids. I'm not asking if you're going
• 4:03
  to have kids, I'm asking is the concern of the heating pad, like
• 4:07
  what's the concern? Well, there's always a thing
• 4:09
  about guys in hot tubs, right? Like there's a thing about like
• 4:12
  decreasing the sperm count. I thought it was shrinkage.
• 4:16
  That's cold. That's cold.
• 4:18
  I think heat probably is the opposite.
• 4:20
  Low in the heat. OK, we got to move on.
• 4:23
  I don't like this imagery is not for me.
• 4:25
  I don't even know what you guys are talking about My I'm too
• 4:28
  innocent. I am.
• 4:29
  I'm a transition to us. This is too much.
• 4:31
  I don't want to talk about it anymore.
• 4:33
  We're having a sticky situation episode today, so I already know
• 4:36
  all this is like going to compound.
• 4:39
  But before we get into the episode, you guys I need.
• 4:44
  OK. I need to get serious.
• 4:46
  Got it. A very serious letter came to us
• 4:49
  and I want to read it on air. Yeah, it's a big deal.
• 4:52
  You guys ready? Yeah.
• 4:55
  I have to pull it up because it's a letter.
• 4:58
  Like a handwritten letter or like.
• 5:01
  No, I didn't get a handwritten. I got it through LinkedIn so.
• 5:04
  Nice. Yeah, okay, okay, so this is a
• 5:06
  professional thing. For a second I was like, did the
• 5:08
  police hear that I didn't show up for jury duty?
• 5:10
  Did they send a letter? Like I was like, where is this
• 5:12
  going? Okay.
• 5:13
  No, I don't know. This is a great, great letter,
• 5:15
  but I want to read it. I did read it a little bit cuz I
• 5:18
  didn't I don't necessarily know if she wants to be totally
• 5:21
  public. So here we go.
• 5:22
  Ready. OK.
• 5:23
  Hi Blakely, thank you for sharing your strategy and
• 5:26
  framework for building a case for promotion.
• 5:29
  That's from the November 6th Sticky Situation episode.
• 5:33
  It gave me the confidence to finally ask for a formal title
• 5:36
  change. Your advice on securing the
• 5:38
  authority to be effective was exactly what I needed.
• 5:41
  I've been leading a program, but without the right authority,
• 5:44
  progress could be slow. I decided to go big, ask for the
• 5:47
  director title. So kind of this woman, while I
• 5:50
  ultimately received a senior title, still great and a raise
• 5:54
  double great, I still feel incredibly successful.
• 5:58
  That is the most great of this whole letter.
• 6:01
  I still feel incredibly successful because I was clear
• 6:04
  about what I was striving for. And now people across the
• 6:06
  company understand that the program is my mandate, giving me
• 6:09
  more authority to move quickly and make decisions.
• 6:12
  Your tools gave me the road map to advocate for my worth, and I
• 6:15
  just want to say thank you. Wow.
• 6:18
  That's. Wonderful.
• 6:21
  Dying. That's good.
• 6:23
  Well, that's why we're here, right?
• 6:24
  I, it is why we're here. Like I just, I mean, she feels
• 6:30
  successful and I just feel happy and validated that we're doing
• 6:34
  something good and we're creating something good and it's
• 6:37
  helpful and. Well, and a big thanks to her
• 6:40
  for taking the time to say thank you.
• 6:43
  You know, she didn't have to do that.
• 6:45
  I mean, who does that? That was sent really kind and I
• 6:48
  really appreciate her doing that.
• 6:50
  You know, like the, you showed that with me when it came in and
• 6:54
  I, we were, we're always deciding where to go with the
• 6:58
  show. I mean, there's just so many
• 6:59
  different things that we could do and it continues to evolve,
• 7:02
  which I really appreciate about the two of you.
• 7:05
  And you know, as we're collaborating together and we've
• 7:09
  had comments in person about this, we've had texts of
• 7:11
  different kind of feedback and attacking these individual
• 7:16
  situations one by one. People are identifying with it
• 7:20
  and it might not be exact, but it's adjacent to what they're
• 7:22
  going through. And so I think as a team, what
• 7:24
  we're hoping to do and we're going to strive to do this year
• 7:27
  is dedicate specific episodes. And sometimes they may not even
• 7:31
  be the full hour. Sometimes we'll play around with
• 7:33
  kind of length and maybe we only hit a couple, but we want to be
• 7:36
  consistently answering these real life topics as they're
• 7:40
  coming in because it's making a difference.
• 7:43
  And that validated her writing. That validated that thesis.
• 7:48
  And I'm going to insert our disclaimer here that I do not
• 7:50
  have a degree in organizational psychology or she does in
• 7:54
  leadership or I don't. I'm not really qualified at all.
• 7:57
  Right at all. So there is something to be
• 7:59
  said. Part of our mission, though, is
• 8:02
  to create a space to talk about these issues.
• 8:05
  Yes, and I disagree. You are very qualified because
• 8:09
  it's life experience. It's life experience.
• 8:11
  We are sharing our life experience and half the things I
• 8:14
  say are things that I want to do but I'm too scared to do.
• 8:17
  And I'll admit that when that's, you know, relevant.
• 8:19
  But yeah, it's more just about getting it out there and getting
• 8:23
  open. And I agree, it was so awesome
• 8:27
  of her to write that in. I would love more of that.
• 8:32
  Not. Not the thank yous that I mean.
• 8:34
  Thank yous. Accolades.
• 8:36
  Yeah. I mean, I'm glad you got one.
• 8:38
  I mean, I guess it was just your advice.
• 8:40
  I mean, that's cool. But you did.
• 8:42
  I mean, it's all right. I mean, it's a Blakely show.
• 8:45
  2025 got us that I. I want to point out though, that
• 8:50
  for people who are listening and and watching and they hear
• 8:52
  someone else write in something and we talked about on the show,
• 8:56
  you have to know too, that when those comments come in, when you
• 8:59
  write to us like we're in that shapes the show and that's going
• 9:04
  to shape how we make this. So if you now's the time, if you
• 9:09
  want to get in and help shape the show, if you want to be
• 9:12
  active in our community, if you want to be active with us, now's
• 9:16
  the time. Like tell us where this is
• 9:19
  landing for you, what you like, what you don't like.
• 9:22
  How's it going for you? Taking what we say, what we talk
• 9:26
  about, Is it relevant to you? What would be more relevant
• 9:29
  right in tell us what's going on.
• 9:31
  We would love to hear from you. Yeah, we can handle it.
• 9:34
  Feedback. Good or bad, we can handle it.
• 9:38
  Go easy on me, I can only handle it.
• 9:41
  OK all. You could give me, Heather, all
• 9:44
  of the negative feedback. Yeah.
• 9:47
  No, no, no, no. Let's Bill Blakely left.
• 9:49
  I can. I can take it.
• 9:50
  I can take it. I love that interaction from the
• 9:54
  community. It's really cool.
• 9:55
  Right into US. Yep.
• 9:57
  OK, yes. So we should do some.
• 9:59
  Yeah, we have a bunch, right? I collated them as they like,
• 10:03
  they come in from everywhere. Like we got some from LinkedIn,
• 10:05
  we got, we got some from our voicemail.
• 10:08
  I actually have this little stress bubble like in my stomach
• 10:12
  right now because I'm like, oh, what am I going to say?
• 10:13
  What am I going to say? So is it gas or is it not gas?
• 10:17
  I don't have gas, OK. Well, Speaking of gas, we're
• 10:21
  going to get to 1 about gas, so. We are.
• 10:25
  Buckle up. OK, OK.
• 10:30
  I think I should just start and you should this.
• 10:33
  Is like, yeah. Let's do it the first one, OK?
• 10:35
  Let's do it. Everyone is looking for an
• 10:40
  advantage in their marketing that they can digest in a clear,
• 10:43
  fun format. Well, there's one podcast I want
• 10:47
  to tell you about that's changing the game.
• 10:49
  It's called Your Audience is Waiting and it's for business
• 10:52
  leaders who are done with surface level marketing advice.
• 10:56
  Posted by Visibility and content strategist Alicia Everett This
• 11:00
  isn't a show about posting more content.
• 11:03
  It's about aligning your visibility strategy with actual
• 11:06
  business goals and revenue. Alicia helps CEOs, founders, and
• 11:10
  ready to scale business owners build strategic visibility
• 11:14
  ecosystems that position you as the authority in your space and
• 11:17
  convert attention into customers.
• 11:20
  Real frameworks, real ROI. Clay, that's return on
• 11:24
  investment. So if you're leading a business
• 11:27
  and you want to grow, go subscribe to Your Audience's
• 11:30
  Waiting wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 11:36
  OK, first sticky situation, First question is actually about
• 11:39
  gas. So here we go.
• 11:43
  I thought you were joking. This is great.
• 11:46
  OK. One time when I had a meeting
• 11:49
  with my boss, I sat down when I was wearing a skirt and my legs
• 11:54
  made a fart noise. Bullshit.
• 11:56
  And. Bullshit.
• 11:59
  Hang on, hang. On and I didn't know if I should
• 12:02
  address it or just leave it so I just left it and I think about
• 12:09
  it almost once a month, no. That's tough.
• 12:13
  Poor thing. That is like every time you go
• 12:16
  into the room and like, are they rehashing that time I farted?
• 12:19
  You know what I mean? And by the way, the rubbing
• 12:21
  together legs, I know that can happen.
• 12:23
  But let's just like, say there was a fart, right?
• 12:26
  I don't think so. I don't think so.
• 12:28
  It was just like the I think if it was truly that, then she
• 12:31
  probably would have just said it because this is, I mean, I'm
• 12:33
  assuming, yeah, she would have just it's anonymous.
• 12:36
  So they, you know, they probably I'm going to take, I'm going to
• 12:39
  take her at her word. But it wasn't.
• 12:41
  Let's take her at her word and let's take her at her word that
• 12:44
  she's rehashing it. But let's also like know that
• 12:47
  this has happened to everyone on this call. 100%.
• 12:52
  Like, let's admit it, Heather. You have hearted publicly in.
• 12:56
  Front of someone. Audibly.
• 12:59
  Audibly, and like you either claimed it or you didn't claim
• 13:01
  it. And I think that's what this
• 13:03
  comes down to. Are you claiming the noise or
• 13:05
  you not claiming the noise? And I think she was caught off
• 13:08
  guard. Oh yeah, there there's a
• 13:09
  question at the end which. Oh, oh, we didn't get that.
• 13:12
  We didn't. Get to the question, which is
• 13:14
  what do you do when you are embarrassed in front of your
• 13:18
  boss? So she's bringing it up a level
• 13:24
  so it's not just. She's going deeper.
• 13:26
  We're like, OK, so there's these things called Tums, like just
• 13:30
  addressing like the gastro issue.
• 13:32
  I thought. Missing the mark completely.
• 13:34
  I thought like you brought up a really good point, which is, you
• 13:38
  know, do you claim it or do you not claim it?
• 13:40
  And then let's talk, let's tackle that, then get to the
• 13:43
  bigger question. I never do.
• 13:46
  However, I think if you do, you're better off because then
• 13:50
  it like gets out in the open and it's done and you're not
• 13:52
  thinking about it. Literally no.
• 13:58
  I say don't claim it. And then you just look at them
• 14:01
  like what? Like did you hear something?
• 14:02
  Like make them think they're crazy that they heard something
• 14:04
  they didn't hear. And then you're like, what?
• 14:08
  You guys, once I was in a running club and I just have
• 14:13
  like a bad. Stomach and just got coming you
• 14:21
  couldn't. Stop.
• 14:24
  Were you outside? At least we're.
• 14:27
  Outside, of course, I can't. What?
• 14:31
  We can't even understand what you're saying.
• 14:34
  I have a feeling it was like we were you like puttering the
• 14:37
  whole way. Yes, she was.
• 14:39
  She's thinking right. Yes, yeah, if you're listening
• 14:41
  to this Blakely. And you didn't acknowledge it,
• 14:44
  you were just looking at the person behind.
• 14:45
  You What I did was I started shuffling my feet on the ground
• 14:49
  with. Like.
• 14:50
  Sticks. I got to cover it.
• 14:52
  Cover it up. That works if it's there's no
• 14:55
  like smell. I'm on like a mascara around.
• 14:58
  My farts don't smell. Oh well, now that's a humble
• 15:01
  break. No one asked.
• 15:03
  About that, just for the record, nobody asked about that and that
• 15:10
  was freely offered information. And also false, because that's
• 15:15
  just not the way biology works. So.
• 15:17
  No, I No, that's not true. Some people have smelly farts
• 15:21
  and some people don't. And I.
• 15:23
  Know how bad we wanted to talk about this I never.
• 15:25
  Knew OK, I'm cutting you both off I'm just.
• 15:27
  Going to check my thank you. Blakely, we've heard your
• 15:29
  answer. Heather, what's your answer?
• 15:33
  OK, my real answer for this scenario is whatever makes you
• 15:41
  feel more in power. So depending on who you are, if
• 15:45
  it makes you feel more powerful to ignore it, let it go.
• 15:49
  Keep the conversation moving. If that makes you feel more
• 15:52
  powerful, that's what I would do.
• 15:53
  If it makes you feel more power to be like, Oh my gosh, I hope
• 15:57
  we know that wasn't what it sounded like, you know, and that
• 16:00
  makes you feel more in control than I would do that.
• 16:03
  But whatever is going to make you feel more powerful, lean
• 16:05
  into that because you don't owe someone an explanation.
• 16:07
  It's just the body. I will say her question was
• 16:13
  Clay. It was like, what do you do if
• 16:14
  you're embarrassed in front of your boss?
• 16:16
  I don't know about the moment. Like sometimes you cover up the
• 16:19
  fart, sometimes you claim the fart.
• 16:20
  But I've had embarrassing to do like other embarrassing
• 16:23
  situations like I remember. The nursing one.
• 16:26
  Oh yeah, my peeky boobs. I've had, I've had, I'm going to
• 16:31
  say it on the podcast. I've had period accidents like
• 16:34
  with the white pants, like there's, there's embarrassing
• 16:38
  situations that happen. And to answer this person's
• 16:42
  question, what I find that makes it so that I don't sleep, lose
• 16:47
  sleep, you know, every month or think about it every month is I
• 16:50
  try to have a one-on-one experience with that part, my
• 16:56
  boss, so that that memory supersedes the old memory.
• 17:01
  So because I find like if you have like a repair, like a
• 17:04
  casual, like, oh, let's go grab lunch.
• 17:06
  And it's like a fun lunch and you talk about something
• 17:08
  personal and you open up to each other.
• 17:11
  That memory is like the latest memory that person has of you.
• 17:13
  And it makes me feel better. And I'm like, OK, the other
• 17:15
  one's gone. We're not thinking about that
• 17:17
  anymore. So that would be my advice is
• 17:19
  try to like grab coffee with your boss and just talk about
• 17:22
  other things and have it a replacement memory that's a.
• 17:26
  Great. Yeah, that's a great idea
• 17:27
  because the the staying up wake is really just like, are they
• 17:30
  telling other people behind my back?
• 17:32
  Or you can build it up and make it like such a terrible thing in
• 17:35
  your head when it could have just.
• 17:37
  Honestly, I was like, did they hear it?
• 17:38
  Like, like I'm aware of it, but like, did they like maybe they
• 17:41
  didn't. We just keep continuing and then
• 17:42
  they're like, what was that? OK.
• 17:43
  And they move on and? Remember, we're embarrassed like
• 17:46
  too. Like we feel so bad.
• 17:48
  Like oh, do they feel comfortable enough farting in
• 17:50
  front of us, right? Like you just it, no one's no
• 17:53
  one's holding that one against you.
• 17:55
  So you got to let it go. But I find just replace the
• 17:58
  memory. That really helps with the
• 18:01
  thinking about it almost once a month, because if you're putting
• 18:03
  in new memories, it helps the context of that.
• 18:06
  Yeah, totally. You're you're spot on.
• 18:09
  Should we move on? I think we've solved the fart.
• 18:11
  Problem. Yeah, I'm still closed crying
• 18:16
  and having to. We'll take a moment laughing cry
• 18:19
  while I read this next one. Take a moment.
• 18:22
  Gather yourself. I don't, I don't know if I can
• 18:26
  give more advice. I feel like I'm in like a 10
• 18:28
  year old boy mindset right now. We're going to have to going.
• 18:31
  To make today fun. Pull ourselves out of it.
• 18:33
  OK, OK, Definitely casual. We're going.
• 18:35
  To we're just doing a couple more, you know what I mean, A
• 18:36
  couple more. In and out.
• 18:38
  OK. That's a #2 no?
• 18:42
  You are both out of control, but it's very fun.
• 18:46
  OK Number two, I am honest to goodness so sick and tired of
• 18:50
  being able to do nothing right. I'm the only woman on our
• 18:54
  leadership team. In our last meeting I was
• 18:57
  literally mid sentence explaining my Q4 strategy when
• 19:00
  our CFO just started talking. Everyday.
• 19:05
  Normal, Gross. Sorry.
• 19:08
  Didn't say sorry to interrupt or can I jump in?
• 19:12
  Just started talking like I wasn't speaking.
• 19:15
  I stopped because I didn't want to talk over him.
• 19:19
  After the meeting my boss pulled me aside and said I quote let
• 19:24
  myself get steamrolled, End Quote, and needed to be more
• 19:28
  assertive. But two months ago when I did
• 19:31
  push back in a meeting I got feedback that I was quote being
• 19:36
  too intense, End Quote. So which is it?
• 19:38
  I genuinely have no idea what I'm supposed to do anymore.
• 19:43
  This is the. This is man, this is real.
• 19:46
  This is so real. When this has happened to me,
• 19:51
  I've done one of two things. One, I just stop and let the
• 19:56
  other person talk and then instead of responding to them
• 20:01
  and then let them hijack it, I say, before we get into that,
• 20:06
  let me just return and wrap up what I was saying.
• 20:09
  And then I finished my thought. I've done that.
• 20:12
  And then I've also done just. Keep talking, not raising a
• 20:17
  voice, just keep speaking the point that I was making and not
• 20:21
  let that and it's almost a a game of who's going to stop
• 20:23
  talking first? Is he actually going to keep
• 20:26
  talking over me? I mean, that makes him look
• 20:29
  foolish. And I just keep staying on track
• 20:32
  with my thought in that same tone of voice.
• 20:34
  And in my experience, they usually kind of get the point,
• 20:38
  back off and then finish and then they will jump in.
• 20:42
  But it's really hard to do that because you have to stay so
• 20:45
  focused at the same time. But it also shows a confidence
• 20:49
  that you're not going to be spoken over.
• 20:54
  How have you handled that? Well, I think there's two
• 20:57
  separate issues I'm hearing in this question.
• 21:00
  The first is like getting talked over, which is just constant.
• 21:03
  It's constants all the time. I I apologize to you, Clay,
• 21:05
  because I kind of did that to you while you're reading the
• 21:08
  question. That's a lab here.
• 21:11
  We're this is a safe space. We we're through.
• 21:13
  Each other. I also thought that I was
• 21:15
  talking over you. So it was back and forth.
• 21:18
  It was. Both of us reverse psychology.
• 21:20
  Thank you for bringing. That up I've done both things.
• 21:25
  I've I really shut down like that was my MO probably the
• 21:29
  first half my career. I would just shut down.
• 21:31
  I've become like non respondent in meetings and honestly, I was
• 21:36
  sort of waiting for someone to notice that and then like help
• 21:39
  me out of it and that was awful. Like that's not the right thing
• 21:42
  to do. So in the later half of my
• 21:45
  career, I definitely would say I would do a little bit more.
• 21:48
  Like you said, Heather, I'd be like, hold on, I need to finish
• 21:51
  my point. Hold on.
• 21:52
  I'm finishing my thought. Could you let me finish my
• 21:54
  thought? And it's just not like
• 21:56
  confrontational, but just like I'm going to, I'm going to
• 21:58
  finish my sentence. But I, what I'm hearing in this
• 22:03
  question though, is her boss is calling her out on being either
• 22:08
  steamrolled or aggressive. And that to me is something
• 22:11
  different, right? Because a, it's your boss that
• 22:13
  should be kind of the one that has your back and also observing
• 22:21
  these patterns. And so is it the CFO that's
• 22:24
  doing this to her all the time or is it a lot of different
• 22:27
  people? And regardless, is the boss not
• 22:31
  noticing that? So I guess I would have the
• 22:35
  frank conversation with the boss.
• 22:37
  It's like, hey, I'm getting, I am getting these mixed messages
• 22:41
  and it's very hard when you have people talking over.
• 22:43
  How would you, how would you advise that I handle that?
• 22:46
  Like you just flip it back around.
• 22:48
  I, there's something about the dynamic with the boss that's
• 22:51
  rubbing me the wrong way here, because I, why is he flip
• 22:56
  flopping? I don't know when I, when I, if
• 22:59
  it's one person, if it's always the CFOI feel like that's a
• 23:01
  little easier to tackle because you could have a direct
• 23:03
  conversation with that person, or you could just keep doing
• 23:06
  what we said, Heather, like, like, let me finish, let me
• 23:09
  finish. You could talk to your boss.
• 23:11
  You could document that. That seems pretty
• 23:13
  straightforward, but if it's different people all the time
• 23:17
  and your boss is giving you mixed messages, you need to go
• 23:19
  back and really clarify, like what are you seeing?
• 23:22
  What are you observing? How would, how would I handle
• 23:24
  the situation where I'm coming off strong or how would I handle
• 23:28
  the situation where I'm getting, you know, steamrolled?
• 23:31
  Could you give me two examples of how you might handle that
• 23:34
  boss? See what they say?
• 23:36
  Yeah, and also boss step the Frick in.
• 23:40
  Yes. Exactly the number of times I
• 23:42
  would have to say, you know what, hold up, let's let her
• 23:46
  finish her thought and then we'll be looking forward to what
• 23:49
  you have to add on to that. And you you interject and you
• 23:51
  help your people, you teach them how to do it.
• 23:53
  You don't meet after and say, why would you let him do that to
• 23:56
  you? Why did you let him do that to
• 23:57
  me? Like I'm, you know, like let's
• 23:59
  be a little more proactive in navigating and by the.
• 24:03
  Way the CFO has been conditioned to do that most likely and it's
• 24:08
  probably not doing it intentionally.
• 24:12
  So there's room for that person to grow as well.
• 24:14
  So I always have to remember that like you can't just they're
• 24:18
  not having bad intent. I don't think they're just
• 24:21
  excited and they're button right in there.
• 24:23
  And so everyone needs a little communication step up.
• 24:27
  There's one other thing in this question that I would like to
• 24:31
  hear from both of you. There's two statements that were
• 24:33
  made. I'm honest to goodness, so sick
• 24:35
  and tired of being able to do nothing, right?
• 24:39
  And then the last sentence, which is, I genuinely have no
• 24:42
  idea what I'm supposed to do anymore.
• 24:43
  Can you, for both of you in your careers, can you speak to maybe
• 24:48
  the way to reframe that thinking so that that doesn't paralyze
• 24:52
  you from taking the right action?
• 24:54
  What have you done to be able to overcome that kind of negative
• 24:58
  thinking? I've just, you know, check the
• 25:01
  facts on it, right? I mean, there's a, there's a lot
• 25:04
  of emotion in both of those statements because it's coming
• 25:07
  out of an exasperation. It's not a true fact that you do
• 25:11
  nothing, right? That's that's not true.
• 25:14
  You're feeling that way right now.
• 25:16
  So just allow that feeling to run its course and recognize
• 25:22
  that it's temporary and it's a feeling and it's not actually
• 25:26
  fact. And when you do that, then you
• 25:28
  can more clearly see what are the facts that need to be
• 25:33
  confronted. So write it out.
• 25:37
  Get it out somehow in front of you what the facts are.
• 25:40
  Or talk with a friend or. All right.
• 25:42
  The lies we tell ourselves are always rooted in fear, anger
• 25:46
  that you know, it's, it's not, it's rarely the absolute truth
• 25:50
  because that resonates. And when we're resonating truth,
• 25:52
  it's resonating from a place of peace, not emotional anger, all
• 25:55
  that that's so like getting down to the source of like, why am I
• 25:58
  feeling like I can never do anything right?
• 26:01
  That's not true. So check the facts.
• 26:04
  Yeah. I don't know that I'm going to
• 26:06
  say anything superior to that. I mean, I would say at there was
• 26:11
  a shift at some point I was able to make where I stopped
• 26:15
  calibrating to everyone else's feelings.
• 26:18
  And I'm not perfect at that. I still do it all the time.
• 26:20
  I'm a people pleaser. But I think as women's
• 26:23
  especially, we tend to calibrate to everyone in the room and, and
• 26:28
  try to make everyone happy. And so then you kind of lose
• 26:31
  your own sense of self and integrity.
• 26:34
  And so maybe you know this or women doesn't know what to do,
• 26:39
  but she probably does know what to do.
• 26:42
  And so I might just invite her to be like, OK, forget all the
• 26:46
  noise, what do I want to do? And then identify it and be
• 26:51
  like, OK, I'm just going to be consistent.
• 26:54
  And that's how I'm going to show up every time.
• 26:56
  It might be a little helpful to ask yourself that question
• 26:59
  because you know at some point you need to please yourself.
• 27:04
  OK, good #3 last one for today before we do rapid fire.
• 27:08
  I've got a rapid fire lightning. I love.
• 27:11
  Those he's never done. That number 3.
• 27:14
  This is a good one. Very sticky.
• 27:17
  My boss asked me to lie to a client.
• 27:22
  Not a small thing he made a major mistake on.
• 27:25
  Of course it's a man. He made a major mistake on a
• 27:28
  deliverable and asked me to tell the client it was a vendor
• 27:31
  issue, which is completely untrue, I said.
• 27:36
  Oh, coming tracks. I'll handle it to buy time, but
• 27:40
  now I don't know what to do. If I lie, I'm compromising
• 27:44
  everything I believe in. If I don't, I'm directly defying
• 27:48
  my boss and possibly getting him fired.
• 27:51
  There's no good option here. What do I do?
• 27:56
  Yeah. So, OK, so first and foremost,
• 28:00
  don't ever, ever, ever lie on someone else's behalf.
• 28:03
  If they want to lie, make them lie themselves.
• 28:05
  Or they can try to get somebody else to do it.
• 28:07
  But if you're going to lie, it's going to be on your own terms
• 28:09
  and on your own risk reward scale for what would make you
• 28:13
  want to do that. But don't ever lie for somebody
• 28:15
  else. I would your gut reaction makes
• 28:18
  total sense. We've all done it where you want
• 28:20
  to save the day and say, Yep, I've got this boss, don't worry.
• 28:23
  But it's so totally OK to go back and say, you know, after
• 28:26
  giving it some thought, I'm actually not comfortable.
• 28:28
  But if you do want to have that conversation, I'm happy to set
• 28:31
  that up for you and support you any way I can, but I'm not
• 28:33
  comfortable delivering that message.
• 28:35
  I also just want to caution people from getting in the
• 28:38
  business of saving someone else. Like unfortunately, this boss
• 28:42
  could be phenomenal. This boss could have made a
• 28:45
  mistake. I mean, you don't want to lose
• 28:48
  this boss. You don't want this boss to get
• 28:49
  fired, but you can't get in the business business of saving
• 28:53
  other people. Their path is their path.
• 28:57
  If this boss has the credibility with the organization and their
• 29:03
  boss, they would have a way to be able to take accountability
• 29:07
  for their mistake. It was a mistake.
• 29:10
  So there's just something about this where you're like, yeah,
• 29:14
  you just can't lie for something, even if you think
• 29:17
  it's for good intentions. That person is on their own path
• 29:20
  and you're on your own path and you've got to be true to your
• 29:23
  own integrity, so. I agree, and you never know
• 29:26
  where it's going to end up. It could work out fine or it
• 29:29
  could completely backfire whenever we would get in these
• 29:33
  difficult situations of like, how much do we reveal?
• 29:37
  And it's not always clear, by the way, like there could have
• 29:39
  been definitely two sides to the story.
• 29:41
  Like it's never just a clear cut lie.
• 29:45
  I just say, imagine yourself on a witness stand three years from
• 29:48
  now where they're reading back to you, your emails, your text
• 29:52
  in light of the truth coming out.
• 29:54
  How, how do you fare in that situation?
• 29:56
  And 'cause that could happen. So we never know where these
• 30:00
  things lead. So if you could stand behind it
• 30:02
  on the witness stand, go for it. If not, don't do it.
• 30:07
  Put somebody else in that chair. Man, we should have had Lawyer
• 30:09
  Heather for that. That would have been the.
• 30:12
  Best, yeah. Major missed.
• 30:13
  Opportunity. I know you're right.
• 30:16
  OK, great. So basically, don't lie.
• 30:19
  For someone else, I'm never going to say don't lie because I
• 30:23
  don't think that's a fair thing to say.
• 30:24
  I think there are sometimes when that is the right course of
• 30:27
  action. I've taught my daughter, you
• 30:30
  know, if she's on a weird date or something strange, it's OK to
• 30:34
  look at her phone and say, Oh my mom, we actually.
• 30:36
  Get the hell out of there, say whatever.
• 30:39
  Yes, just lie. I'd, I'd be like, she'd be like
• 30:43
  text me or call me that we have to go shopping for.
• 30:46
  There was like a code word where if she needed to get out of
• 30:48
  there, I would help her do it and we would lie to get out of
• 30:50
  that. So there are times when that's
• 30:52
  that's OK. Never for someone else.
• 30:54
  Always understand the consequences and the risk of
• 30:56
  what that means. OK, so this type of episode that
• 30:59
  we're doing the new format, we're going to end with some
• 31:02
  rapid fire lightning bolt. I'll throw in like a little
• 31:05
  sound effect. You'll you'll hear it.
• 31:06
  It'll be great. Oh my.
• 31:07
  Gosh, I think I have never been more nervous on this show.
• 31:12
  Then right the second. Yes, rapid fire.
• 31:15
  Yep. Here we go, I love it so.
• 31:18
  This one is finish the sentence, so I'm going to read a sentence.
• 31:21
  No, no, no, no. I don't like that kind of rapid
• 31:24
  fire. It should be like this or that.
• 31:27
  You want multiple choice rapid fire?
• 31:28
  No, yes, Nah. I've got, I've got some
• 31:31
  sentences put together here that I'm going to read to you.
• 31:35
  And OK, what I want you to do is both like finish, finish the
• 31:39
  sentence at the same time, both of you.
• 31:41
  And OK, I guess we'll, let's tally up some points and let's,
• 31:44
  yeah, totally. Let's let's.
• 31:46
  Do a couple points. Yeah, yeah.
• 31:48
  Think they're doing? Goodness.
• 31:51
  OK, here we go, rapid fire. The worst thing a manager can do
• 31:57
  is. Not listen.
• 32:00
  Fart. Oh.
• 32:02
  I won, I won. It's not speed, it's the best
• 32:05
  answer. Oh.
• 32:06
  I'm just kidding. Don't.
• 32:07
  You say fart. I did, but I didn't like it, and
• 32:10
  I don't want you to use it. OK.
• 32:13
  This is crazy rapid fire. I mean, this, there's this.
• 32:16
  There could be so many things, but now I get it.
• 32:18
  OK. OK.
• 32:19
  OK. OK.
• 32:20
  I was caught off guard. Take credit for your work.
• 32:23
  Oh, OK, that's. Shitty.
• 32:26
  Next, if I could fire one business buzzword, it would be.
• 32:32
  Circle back. Oh.
• 32:33
  Synergy or I'm going to save the world with this mission.
• 32:37
  I hate that one too, but. That's so many words, yeah.
• 32:40
  OK, Synergy, synergy. Wait, Heather, what was your?
• 32:41
  I won that one. Circle back.
• 32:42
  Circle back, Yeah. Circle back.
• 32:44
  I hate circle back. We're just after the holidays.
• 32:46
  When are people circling back to you after the holidays?
• 32:49
  Are they circling back? Yeah, I wish.
• 32:52
  They circle back faster. Yeah, circle back.
• 32:55
  All right, next. I say it all the time, by the
• 32:57
  way. OK.
• 32:57
  I do too. I hate it.
• 32:59
  Yep. The most overrated leadership
• 33:02
  advice is. Oh, shoot.
• 33:08
  Trust. Trust your team.
• 33:14
  Do I have to answer when I like? Legit don't have one.
• 33:18
  Yeah, it's, I say trust your team while she's thinking.
• 33:21
  I'm saying trust because it's so artificial and the expectation
• 33:26
  that you could put on people who just met each other within the
• 33:28
  last three to six months that somehow they're supposed to
• 33:31
  trust you, trust the company, trust the team, but it's on so
• 33:34
  many values and they hold it up is like this trust culture when
• 33:38
  it's it's not realistic and it's not really happening and it
• 33:41
  takes years to build trust. I think 7 in fact, right.
• 33:45
  So I don't like that one. OK, yeah, I'm going to say
• 33:49
  trust, trust, trust. Yeah, you have this point,
• 33:52
  Heather. OK, just give her the.
• 33:53
  Point. Same answer.
• 33:54
  That's actually 2 points for Heather.
• 33:57
  Who's counting? Who's counting?
• 33:58
  It's OK. We have so many more.
• 34:00
  We have so many. I don't know.
• 34:02
  Blakely's counting, that's why. OK, next.
• 34:05
  Every sometimes next OK, if you talk too long, I'm just going to
• 34:11
  play Thunder over you. OK, this is rapid.
• 34:14
  Fire only a couple more. Rapid.
• 34:16
  Every new manager should know. What I can do this one, should
• 34:22
  they know how to fire someone or knowing that firing someone is
• 34:26
  going to happen in your life and it's going to suck and you just
• 34:28
  have to do it and it's awful. Yep, and I was going to say the
• 34:32
  role of each member of the team that they are managing and how
• 34:35
  it rolls up into company values. Oh, that was the nicer.
• 34:40
  Yeah, kind of values spirited, But no, I take back values,
• 34:43
  goals like goals like every manager needs to know how the
• 34:45
  people on their team are rolling up into the overall company goal
• 34:48
  that they're being held accountable to, OK.
• 34:50
  All right, last one, rapid fire. Yeah.
• 34:53
  The biggest lie about corporate life is what is it?
• 34:59
  What's the biggest lie about corporate life?
• 35:03
  That it's a family. Oh.
• 35:06
  You go ahead, Yeah. She won.
• 35:07
  I was going to say if you work hard, you'll get promoted, but.
• 35:11
  That's good too. That's that's good too.
• 35:14
  But family is like no, no good. I used to say that too.
• 35:20
  Gosh, you learned so many things.
• 35:21
  Over the years, yeah. It's not cool I it's.
• 35:24
  Your job. It's not.
• 35:25
  It's not your family. I have to say Heather is the
• 35:29
  clear winner on this one. I think quickly you.
• 35:31
  Agree, I do agree and This is why.
• 35:35
  No more rapid fires where it's open-ended.
• 35:38
  I wanted this or that. Open-ended is hard, really.
• 35:43
  Hard OK listeners, viewers, if you have a better answer and you
• 35:46
  think you beat Heather in this round or if you think you beat
• 35:48
  Blakely. Well, that's easy.
• 35:50
  Comment below, send us a message, let us know what your
• 35:54
  answers are to these rapid fire questions.
• 35:55
  We're going to be bringing back rapid fire in the next Sticky
• 35:58
  Situations episode because that was really fun and I say so.
• 36:02
  So please tune into the next sticky situation.
• 36:05
  Wait was that? Wait, wait, what was that
• 36:06
  impression of me? What was that?
• 36:09
  No, no, it wasn't great. I know what I heard it.
• 36:13
  Wasn't nice. I didn't staying in the episode,
• 36:17
  OK. OK, well, you look like.
• 36:18
  Wait, I look like what? I'm sorry.
• 36:21
  Nothing. Nothing.
• 36:21
  These weak arms are heavy. Vomiting on a sweater already?
• 36:25
  Mom's spaghetti. Thank you.
• 36:26
  What are you guys talking about? Is that like different
• 36:29
  languages? It's an inside.
• 36:31
  It's an inside thing. It's a Detroit thing.
• 36:34
  Way to make me feel even worse, like I'm not part of the family.
• 36:38
  Are you calm and ready to get down?
• 36:43
  You don't know what we're saying.
• 36:44
  Do you? Is this Eminem I got?
• 36:46
  Yes. Good job, Blakely.
• 36:49
  Ding Ding, everything. Leads back to Eminem.
• 36:52
  You actually scored a point. He wrote down the words, but the
• 36:56
  voice won't come out. OK.
• 36:59
  Anything else before we let everybody go?
• 37:02
  No, let's let everyone. Go we're going to circle back on
• 37:06
  the next episode. Everybody see you next time.
• 37:10
  See you next time. See you next time.