Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Why Does Your Ex Like Your Stories But Not Reach Out?

Transcript

Why Does Your Ex Like Your Stories But Not Reach Out? · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:07
  I want to talk about one of the most confusing breakup
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  situations people deal with now because of social media.
• 0:14
  Your ex likes some or all of your stories, watches everything
• 0:18
  or almost everything you post, likes old photos, maybe even
• 0:22
  sends memes or reels. But they still won't actually
• 0:26
  reach out in a significant way. So no real conversation or
• 0:30
  consistency or follow through. And their attention makes you
• 0:34
  feel like they still care, but their actions never fully move
• 0:39
  things forward. How frustrating is that?
• 0:43
  And I recently had someone comment on my channel about this
• 0:46
  exact situation. And I think it perfectly
• 0:49
  explains why some people stay emotionally stuck after a
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  breakup. If you're new here, hi, my name
• 0:54
  is Lucia. I'm a dating and relationship
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  expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
• 0:59
  over your ex. And if you're not new, you're
• 1:01
  part of my no contact are me. Welcome back everyone.
• 1:05
  So let's go through this comment.
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  It says what does it mean if they keep liking almost all of
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  your Instagram stories but not initiate a text or call after
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  the breakup? And I responded with probably
• 1:19
  trying to get you to reach out first.
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  See a lot of XS. They want connection without the
• 1:25
  vulnerability that would require.
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  They want the reassurance without risking anything.
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  And they want access to you without being the 1 to reach
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  out. And social media makes this very
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  easy because liking stories, watching your content, reacting
• 1:42
  to something is low risk. But actually reaching out,
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  that's a completely different level emotionally.
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  And then she followed up and said, is there any chance he
• 1:51
  might reach out to himself? We broke up two weeks ago.
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  And then a few days later, she gave an update and said he did
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  text her. And the message was, how are
• 2:00
  you? Just want to check in.
• 2:03
  Yeah, check in. What's to check in?
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  They're broken up. You don't check in with someone
• 2:07
  you're broken up with. That's just an excuse, as usual,
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  to see if he has access. But this is where people
• 2:14
  immediately get hopeful because they think he misses me.
• 2:18
  She's coming back. The breakup was a mistake.
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  And yes, sometimes that might happen, but that message was
• 2:25
  very low investment. That was a feeler.
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  Because if and how you respond, we'll let them know how you
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  feel. And sometimes people respond to
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  these messages so quickly that they accidentally remove all the
• 2:39
  emotional tension immediately. Now suddenly the ex knows.
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  OK, good. I still have access, they're
• 2:46
  still emotionally available, the doors still open, they haven't
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  moved on. And sometimes, yes, that does
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  lead to reconciliation, but most of the time it doesn't.
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  It leads to emotional yo-yo behavior where the person enjoys
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  the comfort of reconnecting, but they're not ready to get back
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  together. And if you are in this situation
• 3:08
  or something similar and would like your ex back, you can
• 3:11
  contact me for private coaching at theartoflove.net/coaching and
• 3:16
  we will send you the rates. They are not on the website and
• 3:19
  the link to that is underneath every video and podcast.
• 3:22
  So she said they started talking again because she responded to
• 3:26
  that breadcrumb. He said he missed her, he wanted
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  to see her, and since they live in different states, he asked
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  her to fly out to him. Now, listen very carefully.
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  Never, ever, ever fly out to see someone who dumped you.
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  They can come to you now, obviously, after you're back
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  together and all that, fine. But the first time seeing each
• 3:50
  other, no, they broke up with you.
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  They can get on a plane and come to you.
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  But you might say, oh, but they're working, but they can't
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  come for a week or two weeks or a month.
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  I don't care. Too bad they're going to have to
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  suffer the consequences of breaking up with you and if they
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  have to wait a month to see you, Oh well, that's what happens.
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  But luckily she responded with well let's talk 1st and plan a
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  call. And that was a great answer
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  because it required follow through and for him to move
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  beyond fantasy and into reality. And that's exactly where his
• 4:24
  energy shifted because talking about seeing someone, it feels
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  exciting. But follow through, that's a
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  completely different thing. Because after agreeing to call
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  her the next day, guess what? He disappeared.
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  No call, no follow through. Now, before I tell you what
• 4:44
  happened next, I want to remind you that I have my app, Silencio
• 4:48
  to help you stay in no contact. And the link to that is
• 4:52
  underneath every single video and podcast, as is the link to
• 4:55
  my book No Contact Secrets where you can read 2 free chapters
• 4:59
  before purchasing the book. OK, so after not following
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  through and calling as he said he would, he sent her an
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  Instagram post and then he continued liking all her
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  stories, even an old photo from 2023.
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  And this is the part that drives people crazy because social
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  media attention, it feels emotionally significant,
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  especially after a breakup, because your nervous system
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  starts attaching meaning to every little thing.
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  Oh, he watched my story right away.
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  He liked an old picture. She's lurking, She's thinking
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  about me. He misses me, and he probably is
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  thinking about her. And the old photo, like, tells
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  me that he was in a nostalgic emotional mood.
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  But nostalgia is not the same thing as being ready and willing
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  to get back together, and missing someone isn't the same
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  thing as rebuilding a relationship.
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  And attention is not the same thing as investment.
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  So when she said I'm really confused I responded with well
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  I'm not you're playing yourself and yes that's blunt but you
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  know me. I'm blunt because I did not
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  agree with her responding in the 1st place.
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  Especially because they had only been broken up for two weeks and
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  most exes are not ready to come back after two weeks unless it
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  was a fake breakup. And usually it's not a fake
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  breakup. Now, I didn't mean that she was
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  stupid. What I meant was you're starting
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  to ignore the actual behavior because you're emotionally
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  hypnotized by the bread crumbs. And this is where so many people
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  get stuck after breakups because they overvalue passive
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  engagement while undervaluing lack of follow through.
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  And this is one of the biggest mistakes you could make.
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  Because look at the facts. He knows how to contact her.
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  He already opened the door emotionally.
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  He already said he missed her. He asked to see her, he promised
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  to call, and then nothing. Now does this mean he'll never
• 7:00
  reach out again? No, of course not.
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  In fact, I would be surprised if he didn't reach out again.
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  But unless there's consistency, unless there's follow through,
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  then all you're really dealing with is emotional reactivation
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  without any emotional stability. And those are not the same
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  thing. So if your ex is watching your
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  stories, it may be for one or more of these reasons.
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  One, they're curious because stories are low effort access.
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  They get to check your life, your mood, whether you're moving
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  on without risking rejection or any accountability. 2 They're
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  keeping a psychological foothold, so by watching and
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  especially liking, they stay present enough so you don't
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  fully detach, but distant enough to avoid responsibility.
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  So it's a way of having passive control over you.
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  OK #3 they're regulating their emotions.
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  Avoidance don't process through conversation, they monitor from
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  a distance. So if your ex is an avoidant,
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  then watching you lets them feel connected on their terms without
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  the discomfort of real interaction.
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  And then four, they're testing the door without knocking if
• 8:16
  they don't reach out like the ex of the girl in the comet did.
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  So if you reach out, they win. They get re entry with a without
• 8:25
  having to do the hard part which is owning the ghosting,
• 8:29
  apologizing, risking vulnerability, whatever.
• 8:33
  And one last thing to keep in mind is that there's a
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  difference between an ex missing you and an ex being prepared to
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  consistently invest in rebuilding the relationship.
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  Those are not the same thing. Because a person can miss you,
• 8:49
  think about you constantly, feel nostalgic, feel lonely, even
• 8:54
  reach out emotionally, and still not be prepared for the
• 8:59
  accountability and consistency and effort and emotional
• 9:02
  responsibility that getting back together actually requires.
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  People just want to get back together and sweep everything
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  under the rug, and that is not the way to do it.
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  You're setting yourself up for failure.
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  I'm trying to set you up for success.
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  I'm playing chess and everyone else is playing checkers.
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  So that's why you can't judge reconciliation potential only by
• 9:24
  emotional intensity. You have to look at consistency.
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  So if your ex is liking your stories but not reaching out,
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  then stop asking what does this mean and start asking what are
• 9:35
  they actually doing? What are the actions they're
• 9:38
  actually taking? Because social media bread
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  crumbs can keep you emotionally trapped for a very long time if
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  you confuse attention with intention.
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  OK, so now I want to hear from you.
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  Let me know if you have any questions or comments about
• 9:55
  anything I've said. And remember to subscribe so you
• 9:59
  don't miss out on future videos or episodes.
• 10:02
  And in the meantime, remember that love inspires, empowers,
• 10:06
  uplifts and enlightens.