Latest / Your Enriched Self / 162. Cut Through Emotions

Transcript

162. Cut Through Emotions · Your Enriched Self

0:15
Speaker 1: Hello, my friends from all across the globe, and welcome
0:19
Speaker 1: to the You're and Rich Self Podcast. I am your host,
0:23
Speaker 1: my Lee Noir. I am an emotional wellness and empowerment coach,
0:27
Speaker 1: and all that means is I'm here advocating for your mindset.
0:31
Speaker 1: I know that whatever it is that you want to
0:33
Speaker 1: accomplish in this light, all starts with a thought, and
0:36
Speaker 1: those thoughts then translate to the words that you speak
0:39
Speaker 1: over your life, and those words move into the action
0:43
Speaker 1: and the activity and how you show up in this life.
0:46
Speaker 1: And I know if you're listening to this podcast, you
0:48
Speaker 1: want to show up as the best version of yourself
0:52
Speaker 1: in this world. And so that's what we talk about
0:54
Speaker 1: here each and every week on a podcasts mindset fusion
0:57
Speaker 1: topics to include self care and your soul care and
1:01
Speaker 1: also intentional thinking, because again it's important to manage your thoughts,
1:06
Speaker 1: to nurture your thoughts, and to watch them manifest into
1:09
Speaker 1: the life that you want for yourself. I want to
1:12
Speaker 1: welcome you to this podcast. If you are a new listener,
1:15
Speaker 1: I want to thank you for being part of this
1:17
Speaker 1: journey of yourself. I promise you are gonna stay with us.
1:21
Speaker 1: If you are a repeat listener. That means you've been
1:24
Speaker 1: rocking with us for about three years and one hundred
1:27
Speaker 1: and sixty one episodes. So I want to thank you.
1:30
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you for your participation, for sharing, for liking,
1:34
Speaker 1: and for being part of the journey of becoming your
1:39
Speaker 1: Enriched Self. Now, before we get started on this week's episode,
1:44
Speaker 1: if you know you know, one of the things that
1:47
Speaker 1: I've done on this podcast is I want to make
1:50
Speaker 1: a deposit into the bank of you, and I do
1:54
Speaker 1: that by way of affirmations. Affirmations are a great way
2:01
Speaker 1: to start your day and command your mourning. And this
2:06
Speaker 1: week's affirmation is I allow myself to be happy in
2:11
Speaker 1: this moment. I allow myself to be happy in this moment.
2:18
Speaker 1: I allow myself to be happy in this moment. Now,
2:24
Speaker 1: let's get ready for this week's episode of the Your
2:28
Speaker 1: Enriched Self Podcast. If you are depressed, you are living
2:42
Speaker 1: in the past. If you are anxious, you are living
2:48
Speaker 1: in the future. If you are at peace, you are
2:54
Speaker 1: living in the present. I'm not sure how that resonated
3:00
Speaker 1: for you. That's a quote, by the way, by Allao Zoo,
3:05
Speaker 1: But for me, it makes a lot of sense. I
3:08
Speaker 1: could relate to all of those statements in that quote.
3:13
Speaker 1: I've been in a space in my life where living
3:17
Speaker 1: in the past and looking back at my mistakes and
3:21
Speaker 1: looking back at what wasn't or what didn't became my fixation.
3:28
Speaker 1: And all that did was it kept me bound to
3:32
Speaker 1: the past, tethered to my past that wasn't good for me.
3:39
Speaker 1: And then I can relate to being anxious because I'm
3:43
Speaker 1: thinking about the future. I'm thinking about tomorrow. I'm thinking
3:46
Speaker 1: about the next month, the next three months, the next year,
3:51
Speaker 1: and so I'm never satisfied because I don't feel like
3:54
Speaker 1: I'm getting there faster and I'm not getting there with
3:57
Speaker 1: the same vehicle that others are doing it in, and
4:01
Speaker 1: so then I have this anxiousness about my future. But
4:06
Speaker 1: I have to say, at this current state in my life,
4:12
Speaker 1: I feel like I am living in the present. And
4:16
Speaker 1: when you are at peace, according to the quote, you
4:20
Speaker 1: are living in the present. And I can relate to
4:24
Speaker 1: that because I feel at peace, and I know when
4:29
Speaker 1: that's not regulated, something is off, and we're going to
4:32
Speaker 1: talk about what that is today. That is our feelings,
4:38
Speaker 1: that's our emotions. I am a believer that you must
4:43
Speaker 1: be in the moment. So many of us want to
4:47
Speaker 1: rush forward or look back. Think about your life as
4:52
Speaker 1: a vehicle you are driving through life. Do you have
4:56
Speaker 1: the time to go back? Probably not. Does it serve
5:01
Speaker 1: you when you're going ahead to look back constantly? Likely not?
5:07
Speaker 1: Does it help when you're thinking more about the destination
5:13
Speaker 1: than you're thinking and being where you are now on
5:17
Speaker 1: that journey? You have to be present so you can
5:20
Speaker 1: look out for all the different distractions, all the different
5:24
Speaker 1: challenges on the road that you're on now. And so
5:30
Speaker 1: this quote is so important, and I want you to
5:33
Speaker 1: think about your life's journey in this conversation today, because
5:40
Speaker 1: a lot of you are rushing forward so fast that
5:43
Speaker 1: you're not present. You must be present in the moment.
5:48
Speaker 1: You must be living in the present to see and
5:51
Speaker 1: experience of blessings, to see and experience all of the
5:56
Speaker 1: things that you're going to need that will be stepping
5:58
Speaker 1: stones for the next level of you, the next version
6:03
Speaker 1: of you, to two point oh to three point zero,
6:05
Speaker 1: whatever version is emerging. You need this present moment now
6:11
Speaker 1: to have that experience to arise, to get to that
6:15
Speaker 1: next new level, to achieve that next chapter, whatever it
6:19
Speaker 1: is you're trying to do. You need this moment to
6:22
Speaker 1: do it. The past, Yes, was a moment, but you
6:26
Speaker 1: can't keep going back there. There are things here and
6:29
Speaker 1: now that you need so that you can achieve your
6:34
Speaker 1: next level. And so that's what I want you to
6:38
Speaker 1: do today, is to get in tune with your feelings.
6:42
Speaker 1: First of all, I want you to know this. We
6:44
Speaker 1: got to talk some truth here. First of all, you
6:46
Speaker 1: are not your feelings, and your feelings are not you.
6:51
Speaker 1: I want you, to, through this episode, through this conversation,
6:56
Speaker 1: change your relationship with emotions, because a lot of you
7:01
Speaker 1: use your emotions as a crutch, use it as a
7:04
Speaker 1: way to excuse your response. Let's just start here. Your
7:10
Speaker 1: emotions are not your enemy or your friend. What your
7:15
Speaker 1: emotions are is a way for your brain to attach
7:21
Speaker 1: a meaning to what's going on outside of your world
7:25
Speaker 1: or inside of your world, meaning your being. You might
7:30
Speaker 1: be feeling lonely, you might be feeling scared, you might
7:33
Speaker 1: be going through something physical in your body that's manifesting
7:38
Speaker 1: as a pain, as a hurt, and that is what
7:41
Speaker 1: your emotions are doing. It's attaching the meaning to what's
7:47
Speaker 1: going on outside the world. Perhaps there's something the economy,
7:52
Speaker 1: whatever it is, your job, situation, your family life, something
7:57
Speaker 1: going on outside that is going to conjure up these
8:01
Speaker 1: emotional responses. So today I want you to begin to
8:07
Speaker 1: take responsibility for your wellbeing by constructing new emotional experiences.
8:18
Speaker 1: That requires you to be in the present, because you're
8:22
Speaker 1: not going to construct anything new if you're still looking
8:25
Speaker 1: back at what was. And oftentimes when we think about emotions,
8:31
Speaker 1: I've talked to clients before and I say, well, what
8:33
Speaker 1: do you want? And this is a response I get,
8:36
Speaker 1: and this may be something you can relate to. They say,
8:39
Speaker 1: I want to be happy. I just want to be
8:42
Speaker 1: happy and raise your hand. If you've ever said that,
8:45
Speaker 1: I'm sure you have. My question to you is what
8:49
Speaker 1: did you mean by that? Unfortunately, if we're being truthful,
8:55
Speaker 1: a lot of you are not happy because you're living
8:58
Speaker 1: outside of your norm As humans, we are not built
9:02
Speaker 1: to be in a constant happy state, and a lot
9:06
Speaker 1: of you associate it is not normal for me, for you,
9:10
Speaker 1: for anyone to be unhappy. You are going to have moments.
9:15
Speaker 1: You are living a life of experiences and respond to challenges, issues, opportunities,
9:24
Speaker 1: all of the things, only to land on your feet
9:28
Speaker 1: of survival. So in all of that, when you mix
9:32
Speaker 1: that all around, you're not going to have happy moments
9:35
Speaker 1: every single day, every single moment. But you have to
9:38
Speaker 1: recognize that to realize that happiness is still your portion.
9:43
Speaker 1: You can still achieve happiness. But if you believe that
9:46
Speaker 1: you can never be UNHAPPI or you can never have
9:49
Speaker 1: a moment outside of the norm of happiness, then you
9:52
Speaker 1: will struggle with the fact that being happy is unattainable.
9:56
Speaker 1: That's all you want in life. You're not even reizing
10:00
Speaker 1: that you had a happy moment, a happy day, happy week,
10:02
Speaker 1: a happy year, because you're looking at the current state
10:06
Speaker 1: and you're saying, I'm unhappy, which means I'm not living right,
10:10
Speaker 1: I am outside of the norm, I am strange, I
10:14
Speaker 1: am having a mental health crisis. And I'm not taking
10:19
Speaker 1: away from people who struggle with mental health. I'm just saying,
10:23
Speaker 1: why associate yourself with something when your normal way of
10:28
Speaker 1: being in this life of constant change will not equate
10:32
Speaker 1: to a life of constant happiness. And so all of
10:37
Speaker 1: these thoughts are coming through as I think about where
10:40
Speaker 1: am I with my emotions? Where am I? Do I
10:44
Speaker 1: feel happy? Am I at peace because I'm present in
10:48
Speaker 1: a moment? Are all these things true. Can some of
10:50
Speaker 1: these things be true and other things be true at
10:53
Speaker 1: the same time that are converse. Absolutely, that's the whole point.
10:58
Speaker 1: Your life is going to be filled with a and downs,
11:00
Speaker 1: which means there are going to be moments where you
11:02
Speaker 1: feel good and moments where you don't. So think about
11:08
Speaker 1: something major in your life right now, maybe a major challenge,
11:11
Speaker 1: something that would something that yesterday would have broken your
11:16
Speaker 1: spirit versus today where you can overcome it a lot
11:21
Speaker 1: easier if you're living happy. I would venture to say
11:26
Speaker 1: that the way you believe about things have changed, and
11:31
Speaker 1: because that belief system has changed, your reaction to things,
11:36
Speaker 1: your emotional response to things have also changed. And I'm
11:41
Speaker 1: going to give you an example. I know I talk
11:42
Speaker 1: a lot about fitness, but I can't help it. There
11:46
Speaker 1: was a time when I went to the gym and
11:48
Speaker 1: thinking about lifting thirty pounds or forty pounds, felt like
11:52
Speaker 1: I can't do that, Like there's no way I would
11:54
Speaker 1: pick it up. And I'm like, oh, no, there's no way.
11:57
Speaker 1: But because I've been practiced, because I've been working out,
11:59
Speaker 1: because I've been putting reps in, and I've built my
12:03
Speaker 1: way up to that. If someone were to ask me
12:06
Speaker 1: to my trainer or whatever to take on more weights.
12:13
Speaker 1: I wouldn't see that as a threat as I did
12:15
Speaker 1: at one point, as a matter of fact, because of
12:18
Speaker 1: my belief systems. Now, because I've seen what I'm capable
12:22
Speaker 1: of doing, I've experienced new challenges. I'm actually willing to
12:28
Speaker 1: accept the challenge to do more, to lift more, to
12:32
Speaker 1: push myself more. But there was a time I wouldn't.
12:36
Speaker 1: I talk about my run journey too, about how I
12:38
Speaker 1: was complacent with running at a certain pace, and now
12:41
Speaker 1: I'm challenging myself to do more because my beliefs have changed.
12:48
Speaker 1: My emotional responses to that has changed. And that's how
12:53
Speaker 1: we learn, and that's how we grow, that's how we
12:55
Speaker 1: get better, that's how we enrich our lives, and that's
12:58
Speaker 1: what I want for you. I read an article on
13:02
Speaker 1: psychology today that helped to bring forward these emotions. We
13:08
Speaker 1: have identify how these emotions, how we process right, the
13:16
Speaker 1: various stages, the specific stages these emotions carry for us.
13:22
Speaker 1: There's a movement of change that's happening when we are emotional.
13:29
Speaker 1: Some of those stages are predictable, for example, loss, and
13:33
Speaker 1: we'll talk about each one. Uncertainty, discomfort, insight, understanding, and integration.
13:41
Speaker 1: So if you think about a major change in your life,
13:45
Speaker 1: most of us go through loss first. That's how our
13:49
Speaker 1: brains start to think. You will have losses in your lifetime.
13:54
Speaker 1: Job loss, relationship loss, financial loss. The list goes on.
13:59
Speaker 1: That's normal. As you go through those things, you're growing
14:04
Speaker 1: through and it's helping you to better emotionally respond as
14:12
Speaker 1: those things come up again, because they will. The next
14:16
Speaker 1: stage of emotions is uncertainty. An uncertainty is just what
14:21
Speaker 1: it says you now are transitioning into something and you
14:26
Speaker 1: start to doubt yourself. This happens a lot when people
14:29
Speaker 1: take on new job opportunities or just new anything. Maybe
14:33
Speaker 1: you move to a new city, you have a lot
14:35
Speaker 1: of uncertainty. Will I fit in, will I make friends?
14:38
Speaker 1: What does it look like to be social in this city.
14:41
Speaker 1: There's a lot of uncertainties that happen. Uncertainty is a
14:45
Speaker 1: stage where you have a lot of inner questions. There's
14:48
Speaker 1: a lot of self talk going on, and this is
14:50
Speaker 1: a very important that you watch how you talk to
14:53
Speaker 1: yourself in this stage because you can start talking yourself
14:56
Speaker 1: out of things. You can start creating a whole list
15:00
Speaker 1: of drama about a situation that hasn't even happened yet.
15:04
Speaker 1: That's again going future state about something you haven't even
15:09
Speaker 1: experienced yet. I call it manufacturing drama. And so that
15:14
Speaker 1: uncertainty also disconnects you from who you are and you
15:20
Speaker 1: start to connect to more indecisive, more skepticism that only
15:26
Speaker 1: lead you to confusion. So that's uncertainty. That's a tough
15:30
Speaker 1: spot to be in. I challenge you in that season
15:34
Speaker 1: to be mindful of how you speak to yourself. The
15:38
Speaker 1: words that you create, the thoughts that you put in
15:41
Speaker 1: your mind, become the words you speak, and that becomes
15:44
Speaker 1: how you show up in the world. The next one
15:48
Speaker 1: is the next age is discomfort, and discomfort is going
15:52
Speaker 1: to manifest its way as worry, uneasiness, anxiety. Here's what
15:59
Speaker 1: I know about this discomfort. Worry says I don't know how,
16:03
Speaker 1: I probably never will. I don't know what I'm doing.
16:06
Speaker 1: I'm so stupid. That's where worry comes in. And so
16:10
Speaker 1: when you have discomfort, it's okay. I always say, discomfort
16:17
Speaker 1: is just you being in a new space. Discomfort. The
16:21
Speaker 1: key here is to know that you got to make
16:24
Speaker 1: a move. You can either stay where you are and
16:28
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about physical. Sometimes physical, but sometimes mentally,
16:31
Speaker 1: keep the same old thought, or you can challenge that
16:36
Speaker 1: thought with something new. You can discover a new possibility,
16:42
Speaker 1: You can discover a new opportunity. Right as you take
16:48
Speaker 1: a step out of the comfort zone and you occupy discomfort,
16:54
Speaker 1: just occupy it. It's a place to go. It's not
16:57
Speaker 1: a destination. You don't have to live with this comfort.
17:00
Speaker 1: You can walk through discomfort. Discomfort is not your destination.
17:05
Speaker 1: It is a pathway to your destination. And that's all
17:09
Speaker 1: emotions are. They're a pathway. Right, you go through the loss,
17:12
Speaker 1: you go through the uncertainty, you go through the discomfort,
17:14
Speaker 1: only to get to a place called insight after you
17:20
Speaker 1: walk through. But guess what, in order to get to insight,
17:22
Speaker 1: you got to walk through the discomfort. Now you're recognizing,
17:26
Speaker 1: wait a minute, I just learned that there's a different
17:30
Speaker 1: way to get around this thing. I learned that I
17:34
Speaker 1: can accomplish hard things. I didn't know I could do
17:38
Speaker 1: something like that, insight. This is the encouraging side of
17:44
Speaker 1: taking that walk right. And that's not the end of
17:47
Speaker 1: the walk right. Insight is not the destination. You now
17:51
Speaker 1: have understanding, And I like this stage of understanding, because
17:56
Speaker 1: that stage is a stage where you now have grace
17:59
Speaker 1: for other people because some of us are hard on people.
18:06
Speaker 1: We're hard on ourselves. We're just putting on a big
18:12
Speaker 1: shell around us being hard. But understanding allows you to
18:19
Speaker 1: have better perspective on the world and things have more
18:26
Speaker 1: meaning now. And finally, once you have the understanding, you
18:34
Speaker 1: have the insight which allows you to see and experience
18:38
Speaker 1: things different and level up your belief system about who
18:43
Speaker 1: you are and your capabilities. Now you can incorporate or
18:48
Speaker 1: integrate what you've learned so that in the future you
18:54
Speaker 1: can call upon that thing. You can recognize, Oh, I've
18:58
Speaker 1: been there before, I know how to get that on
19:00
Speaker 1: that path. And that's what your emotional journey is all about.
19:08
Speaker 1: I don't want you to feel like you're stuck in
19:10
Speaker 1: this place. You are immobile, you have no ability to
19:15
Speaker 1: respond because you're stuck because you're emotionally exhausted, or you
19:19
Speaker 1: feel that your emotions are now your identity. Think about
19:24
Speaker 1: the stages that you're going to go through, that you're
19:26
Speaker 1: going to grow through. I want to wrap by saying,
19:30
Speaker 1: as you go through this, your value system is being built,
19:35
Speaker 1: and what happens is you start shifting more towards what matters,
19:43
Speaker 1: when you start regulating your emotions when you go through
19:45
Speaker 1: those stages, versus pulling away from what matters when you
19:51
Speaker 1: live in the what ifs. So let me give you
19:55
Speaker 1: the key here. If you feel emotionally disconnected, if you
19:59
Speaker 1: feel you sad, if you feel unhappy and you're like,
20:02
Speaker 1: I'm just not arriving at happiness, I want you to
20:06
Speaker 1: go to your core values. Are you clear on what
20:09
Speaker 1: you value? And I'm not talking about your goals. Values,
20:14
Speaker 1: unlike your goals, are not tied to the actions that
20:18
Speaker 1: need to be taken to complete them. Values are a
20:22
Speaker 1: set of ideas of how you want to live your life,
20:25
Speaker 1: the kind of person you want to be, and the
20:27
Speaker 1: principles by which you live them. That's your value system.
20:31
Speaker 1: Be clear on how you want to live your life.
20:34
Speaker 1: If you are unhappy, it could be that you've lost sight,
20:37
Speaker 1: lost connection with how you want to live your life.
20:41
Speaker 1: You've lost connection of the type of person you want
20:43
Speaker 1: to be again, how you want to show up in
20:46
Speaker 1: this world, and finally, how you wish to live and
20:50
Speaker 1: experience all of those things. So keep your eyes on
20:55
Speaker 1: your values. If you feel the emotional instability, unclear, directionless, discomforted.
21:06
Speaker 1: My challenge to you is get refocused on your values
21:14
Speaker 1: and that is your conclusion for creating a foundation of happiness.
21:27
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this week's episode of the Urine
21:30
Speaker 1: Ritsub podcast. And the only way I'm gonna know this
21:32
Speaker 1: is if you leave me some feedback. Feedback is a
21:35
Speaker 1: gift and it is free to give, and I would
21:37
Speaker 1: like to hear from you. I would like to know
21:40
Speaker 1: what resonated with you regarding this week's episode. Now here's
21:44
Speaker 1: how you leave feedback on the platform in which you
21:46
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast. Follow the stars when you get there,
21:50
Speaker 1: leave a five star rating. But in all seriousness, when
21:53
Speaker 1: you get there, you can share your feedback on this
21:57
Speaker 1: podcast and that helps us. And when you share your
22:01
Speaker 1: feedback on this podcast, it helps others find us in
22:05
Speaker 1: these podcast streets. So we would definitely appreciate that you
22:09
Speaker 1: can also share this episode with your friends and family
22:13
Speaker 1: right from the podcast. So right from the podcast platform
22:16
Speaker 1: and which you're listening to this episode, hit the share
22:19
Speaker 1: button and send it to the last three to five
22:21
Speaker 1: people that you spoke with today. Also, you can share
22:25
Speaker 1: this on your socials. You can find me primarily on
22:29
Speaker 1: Instagram because that's my jam, that's where I am. You
22:32
Speaker 1: can find me at my Enriched Self that's M Y
22:36
Speaker 1: E n R I C h E D s E
22:39
Speaker 1: l F. And you can hashtag this episode. You can
22:42
Speaker 1: tag me. I would love to hear from you, so
22:44
Speaker 1: you can showcase your friends and families and those in
22:47
Speaker 1: the social streets what you're listening to and what's feeding
22:50
Speaker 1: you mind, body and spirit. I also want you to
22:53
Speaker 1: check out the show notes. In the show notes, we
22:55
Speaker 1: have the affirmation of the week, the quote of the week,
22:58
Speaker 1: and there you can all so find my Amazon shop.
23:02
Speaker 1: The Your Rich Self shop has two items right now,
23:06
Speaker 1: a journal which is the Show Up every Day Journal,
23:10
Speaker 1: as well as the Show Up Everyday Notebook. So check
23:14
Speaker 1: those out in my Amazon shops. And finally, take what
23:17
Speaker 1: you can from this episode and do what you must
23:21
Speaker 1: in the next one hundred and sixty eight hours so
23:24
Speaker 1: that you can become more of your enriched self until
23:30
Speaker 1: we meet again.