Latest / The Daily Sarcast / March 23rd, 2026: CBS News Radio, Robert Mueller And Type B

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March 23rd, 2026: CBS News Radio, Robert Mueller And Type B · The Daily Sarcast

• 0:00
  Today's episode is sponsored by getting home just to realize that you left your keys at work.
• 0:05
  Just a little trauma sprinkled throughout your day.
• 0:09
  There's a lot of abuse of how I look, and it's kind of past the point of,
• 0:13
  you know, everyone goes through that, but it's made me shy away.
• 0:16
  It's made me really go inside myself, not want to attend places, not want to go outside.
• 0:21
  Barry Kogan on hiding away after everyone online is abusing him over his looks
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  and telling him that he shouldn't be on screen.
• 0:29
  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and
• 0:33
  maybe a laugh. I'm Lindsay Vernick and it's March 23rd, 2026.
• 0:38
  Happy Monday. I hope you guys had a great, beautiful weekend. It was so nice out.
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  It was so nice to, like, sit outside on Saturday and, like, have a drink with some friends.
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  Really looking forward to the spring.
• 0:49
  In real news, former FBI Director Robert S. Mueller has died at 81.
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  He ran the Federal Bureau of Investigation starting literally one week before
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  the September 11th attacks, which is kind of like starting a new job and immediately
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  the building was on fire and everyone's like, fix it. I mean,
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  that's literally what happened.
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  And to his credit, he kind of did. He spent over a decade turning the FBI into
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  a counterterrorism operation while also trying to keep civil liberties intact,
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  which is basically the governmental version of
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  be chill but also catch terrorists but most
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  people remember him for one thing investigating donald trump
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  yeah the mueller report it's pages
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  of build up for the most emotionally unsatisfying conclusion of all time it
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  essentially said that russia interfered in the election and trump's team just
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  like didn't really do anything but was an obstruction of justice maybe i mean
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  he's not guilty but he's also not innocent either It was the legal equivalent of,
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  I'm not saying he did it, I'm just saying I don't think that he did not do it.
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  And that's why Adron was furious, because Democrats wanted a takedown and Republicans
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  wanted a full exoneration.
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  And Mueller was like, what if I simply just, like, say what happened and then that's it?
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  Which was a very bold choice in a country that runs entirely on overreactions.
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  And in true fashion, Donald Trump responded to the news of Mueller's death by
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  posting that he's glad that he's dead. I mean, yeah, I'm sure that he is.
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  And it's less former president and more guy yelling in a Facebook comment section at 2 a.m.
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  Anyway, Mueller's legacy is complicated. He was widely respected,
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  deeply serious, and about as exciting as a legal pad.
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  But when he was called, he showed up, took notes, and refused to color outside
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  the lines, which is admirable and also incredibly frustrating if you were hoping
• 2:42
  for literally anything dramatic from him.
• 2:44
  After 99 years, CBS News Radio was shutting down. Yeah, 99 years.
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  This thing started before any grandparents were born.
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  It was the place where legendary journalists like Edward R. Murrow basically invented modern news.
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  This was before TV, before the internet, before everyone became a journalist
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  because they had a ring light and fake confidence.
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  Back then, if something happened, you heard it on the radio.
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  Now when something happens, you hear it from a guy named Kyle on TikTok explaining
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  geopolitics while making a smoothie. or a podcast like this one who talks about
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  the most recent war and then a bad date all within five minutes.
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  CBS says they're shutting it down because of economic realities and changing
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  listening habits, which is basically no one under 45 knows what a radio is unless it's in an Uber.
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  I mean, they're not wrong. Podcasts are up. Streaming is up.
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  Attention stands are, you know, not really there anymore.
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  But here's the part that's kind of actually sad.
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  Radio still reaches around 93% of Americans, which means we didn't stop using
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  it. We just stopped valuing it.
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  It's like that one friend who's always there for you, and then one day you're
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  like, wait, have you been carrying this entire friendship?
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  Meanwhile, other networks are still going strong, so this isn't the death of radio.
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  It's just CBS saying, yeah, we're just going to sit this one out now.
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  BTS is back. Yeah, the seven guys who make K-pop are back with a new album.
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  They performed in Central Seoul this past weekend, and RM, their leader,
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  performed from a stool because of an ankle injury.
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  Nothing says comeback like sitting down on stage while the rest of your friends
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  do all the work. The show lasted an hour. Just an hour.
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  Worldwide fans turned in at 7 a.m. New York time because why not wake up ridiculously
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  early on a weekend to watch a K-pop live stream?
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  They sang all their old hits butter mic drop dynamite plus that one song micro
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  comasos which was like a song that wasn't really k-pop they came out with new
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  songs and purple pizza because why not.
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  For security, they had 15,000 people there making sure no one fainted from excitement
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  or trampled someone over merch.
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  They returned to the K-pop world, dominated by K-pop demon hunters,
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  which just won Oscars and Grammys.
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  So BTS is officially back, and they're rich, a little injured,
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  and still impossible to ignore.
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  In Lindsay life, I was watching type B videos on TikTok as I eat soup dumplings
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  with a white sweatshirt on and spilled all over myself.
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  Thing of the week this week is baseball is back and the robots are literally calling the shots.
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  Baseball is back this week and so are the robots. MLB's automated ball strike
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  system is live for all 30 teams from spring training through the postseason.
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  Hitters, pitchers, and catchers can challenge calls instantly.
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  Just tap your head, speak up, and let the robots decide.
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  The strike zone is now based on player height, so high fastballs aren't the
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  guaranteed strikes they used to be.
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  Pitchers will adjust, hitters will adapt, and catchers will sweat,
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  and umpires will still be there.
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  So now, baseball is robots, challenges, and a whole new set of what counts as
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  a strike moment. When in doubt, blame the machines.
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  It's going to be a very interesting season.
• 5:59
  Cooking tip of the day. If you
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  hang out with your roommate while she's cooking, she might feed you too.
• 6:04
  Feedback, comments, questions, and ace-jewish by looking for a date,
• 6:07
  email me at lindsay at thedailysarcast.com. Thanks so much for listening,
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  and I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.