Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Conscious Relationships & Conscious SEX ❤️‍🔥 ft @bradfennell

Transcript

Conscious Relationships & Conscious SEX ❤️‍🔥 ft @bradfennell · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

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Speaker 1: Apoday production.
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Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
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Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
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Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
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Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today.
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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
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Speaker 2: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
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Speaker 2: up together.
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Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let.
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Speaker 3: The emotions flow, and find the lessons to grow and Glow.
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Speaker 1: Nothing is off the table with Grow and Glow and
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Speaker 1: we're here to be your expander.
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Speaker 3: Hello, guys, welcome.
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Speaker 1: Back to Grow and Hello. We're so excited today because
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Speaker 1: we have a really special guest that someone we both
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Speaker 1: worked with before.
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Speaker 3: I know, I'm so excited to have Brad Fannell here.
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Speaker 1: He is one of the most beautiful humans like I
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Speaker 1: have honestly ever met. Yeah, and he walks into a
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Speaker 1: room or you just speak to him or hear him
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Speaker 1: talk like you just literally feel his energy. He's incredible
1:05
Speaker 1: and these episodes, you guys are going to get so
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Speaker 1: much out of Yeah. He's so open. He's very funny
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Speaker 1: as well and brings a bit of humor in there.
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Speaker 1: He's very deep, very spiritual, but also just like really
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Speaker 1: easy to relate to.
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Speaker 3: Yes, and very open.
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Speaker 1: We talk about it all. There's no ego with him. No,
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Speaker 1: let's get straight into it. Welcome to the podcast, Brad.
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Speaker 1: We're so excited to have you on board. Thanks for
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Speaker 1: joining us.
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Speaker 4: Thank you both.
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Speaker 1: Now, before we get started. Always on our Monday episodes,
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Speaker 1: we do a share of the Week where we share
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Speaker 1: something really cool, something we're enjoying. So we'd love to
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Speaker 1: hear from you, Just something that you want to share
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Speaker 1: with our audience that they might be interested in.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, something that just jumped out for me yesterday's surprise
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Speaker 4: was a classic book that I've always loved called The
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Speaker 4: dow to Chin, which is the traditional Dourist, the first
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Speaker 4: dourist book. And it just jumped out at me because
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Speaker 4: it's still relevant, Like it actually may be more relevant
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Speaker 4: for this time and age where we need to slow down,
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Speaker 4: we need to go more deep, we need to open
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Speaker 4: our hearts. All these kind of concepts are brought in
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Speaker 4: this book so by Laosu.
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Speaker 1: How long ago was it written?
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Speaker 4: About? Two thousand years ago?
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Speaker 1: Still be trending. Wow, they're on the money, they're on
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Speaker 1: the money.
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Speaker 4: That dude nailed it, And all.
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Speaker 1: Those conversations are so relevant now, like even more so
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Speaker 1: now I know I'm feeling and experiencing all of that
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Speaker 1: right now. I don't think a lot of people are
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Speaker 1: as well.
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Speaker 4: I think there's a collective, there's a feeling, and there
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Speaker 4: is this you know, achieving and going out and being
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Speaker 4: your best and pushing and driving. Love that, but there
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Speaker 4: is a time where you go and this one chapter
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Speaker 4: that really stuck out for me knowing when it's time
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Speaker 4: to rest.
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Speaker 1: That's the feels that's our vibe lately. Yeah, the whole
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Speaker 1: hustling and go go go and rushing and getting shit
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Speaker 1: done and achieving and it serves you until it doesn't.
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Speaker 4: Hey, yeah, I love that. That's why I'm got anti anything.
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Speaker 4: No is welcome as times and places, push out, push
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Speaker 4: your comfort zone, explore yourself all sorts of parts of you. Yes,
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Speaker 4: but then also no, I'm tired too. There's a classic
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Speaker 4: Taoist idea that we want to go with our flow,
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Speaker 4: the way the river flows, and often we don't. We
3:26
Speaker 4: swim against the stream. The good news is is just
3:30
Speaker 4: swim for a while. You'll eventually fatigue and you'll feel
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Speaker 4: your way.
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Speaker 1: What a great analogy.
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Speaker 4: This came up for me driving I'll just say this
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Speaker 4: quickly came out for me driving here today. I've just
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Speaker 4: brought a new car because we're off around Queensland in
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Speaker 4: Northern Territory and I'm not used to it. My old
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Speaker 4: car didn't have this technology where it drags you if
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Speaker 4: you go you know, this drags you back.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I.
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Speaker 4: Thought that's a metaphor for life. It's like we constantly
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Speaker 4: have this direction running through our life. That is kind
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Speaker 4: of I guess it's like our true north, what is
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Speaker 4: our direction? It's okay to go off, you know, we
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Speaker 4: all do that, we go in the wrong direction, but
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Speaker 4: as much as possible, we want to feel that gravity,
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Speaker 4: that feel that draws us back, takes us back into
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Speaker 4: our direction. So I thought of that driving up here,
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Speaker 4: as it's dragging me back.
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Speaker 1: I love that too.
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Speaker 4: On second, I know I don't want to I want
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Speaker 4: to go this way a little bit longer, and it
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Speaker 4: sort of says, okay, you can go a little bit longer,
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Speaker 4: but I'm watching you. Yeah.
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Speaker 1: I absolutely love that, and just that like it's okay
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Speaker 1: to change your mind and do things differently. I got
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Speaker 1: a comment last night. It was very interesting. She was like,
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Speaker 1: because I've been talking a lot about, you know, closing
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Speaker 1: out my business and slowing down and being home with
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Speaker 1: the kids more and just being my feminine energy and
4:41
Speaker 1: taking a breath. And yeah, she was like, Oh, you know,
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Speaker 1: you can't forget the influence you've had on the hustle culture.
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Speaker 1: You know, you were only just pushing this a few
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Speaker 1: years ago, and now you're a hypocrite. And I was like, wow,
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Speaker 1: that's so interesting how she's taking that on board from
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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And I was like, I don't regret
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Speaker 1: anything that I've done. I loved my hustle season. I
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Speaker 1: loved everything I've achieved. I've ticked off so much more
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Speaker 1: than I ever thought possible, Like I do, wouldn't take
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Speaker 1: any of that back. But I'm in a totally different
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Speaker 1: season now. I have two children now, like I feel
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Speaker 1: like I've rebirthed And that's okay. Let's encourage more of
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Speaker 1: this to actually listen and tune into meeting ourselves where
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Speaker 1: we're at right now, not where we were a year
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Speaker 1: ago or five years ago. Like you're allowed to change.
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Speaker 1: That's a part of the human experience, and that's an
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Speaker 1: exciting part of it. But I think some people think
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Speaker 1: they need to remain the same and if they said
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Speaker 1: they're going to do something or they said they enjoyed something,
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Speaker 1: that they can't change their mind. But you so can.
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Speaker 1: Like he told you that you're not allowed to.
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Speaker 4: In the box of this is who you were, this
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Speaker 4: is who you have to be. Yep Alan what said
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Speaker 4: there's no problem in changing who you were from five
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Speaker 4: minutes ago. Yeah, I love that, absolutely love that. End
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Speaker 4: modeling the hustle culture would have also been exactly right
5:52
Speaker 4: for some people. Definitely, if you're sitting on the couch,
5:56
Speaker 4: you're twenty and you're watching TV all day, maybe get
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Speaker 4: off your ass and yeah, flat out and you're tired
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Speaker 4: and you're ignoring all your body symptoms. Yes, that are
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Speaker 4: saying I'm actually tired. And fundamentally, this is what I
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Speaker 4: do is follow the body, following nature. Yes, follow you know,
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Speaker 4: follow our own dreaming.
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Speaker 1: And isn't that different from when you're in your twenties.
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Speaker 1: I feel like most of us are in a massive
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Speaker 1: hustle growth self development, like setting our lives up. But
6:27
Speaker 1: then now I'm turning thirty six this year, it looks
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Speaker 1: so different to what it did in my hustle years,
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Speaker 1: So I don't regret like talking about that and encouraging
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Speaker 1: you to work hard and go after your dreams and
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Speaker 1: put the effort into it, because it's landed me in
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Speaker 1: this position now that I can step back and relax
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Speaker 1: and enjoy what I've created over the last fifteen years.
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Speaker 1: So cool.
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Speaker 4: Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist, actually spoke strongly about this around
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Speaker 4: the first half of life, really driving and achieving. How
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Speaker 4: going You have this energy you do and go for it,
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Speaker 4: But then you start to move into the second half
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Speaker 4: of life and you start to ask what am I
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Speaker 4: really here for? What am I doing here? Things feel,
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Speaker 4: We embrace death a little bit more. We know those
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Speaker 4: that we love, some of them past, you know, when
7:13
Speaker 4: we're twenty often we think we're going to live forever. Yeah,
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Speaker 4: and so this starts to come in and we start
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Speaker 4: to question who am I really? Is this my life?
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Speaker 4: And yeah, to throw out if it wasn't working absolutely all.
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Speaker 3: For it, start to tune in a bit more, don't you.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, I love this conversation. I suppose we should
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Speaker 1: get into it right today. It's not it's God, it's similar,
7:35
Speaker 1: but we really wanted to bring you on to talk
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Speaker 1: about conscious relationships. So Steve and I have done quite
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Speaker 1: a few sessions with you, and I've done quite a
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Speaker 1: few by myself with you as well. You've done some
7:44
Speaker 1: sessions with Brad yep, you.
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Speaker 3: See, and I did one as well.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, you see. Makes mean though, like one thing I
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Speaker 1: just love talking to you about is relationships and being
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Speaker 1: conscious in them. And we've got another episode coming with
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Speaker 1: you on Wednesday as well. But can you, in your
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Speaker 1: own words, what is a conscious relationship?
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Speaker 4: I love this question and I've been thinking about that. Actually,
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Speaker 4: what is a conscious relationship? Well, for me, it's awareness,
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Speaker 4: it's awareness of the relationship myth, our own myth and
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Speaker 4: not myth in the sense of making it up, myth
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Speaker 4: in the sense of mythology, the mythology of what has
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Speaker 4: brought us together. If I'm working with a couple, I'm
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Speaker 4: working with actually three parts and working with two individuals,
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Speaker 4: and I'm working with the relationship as well, and so
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Speaker 4: bringing awareness who am I as an individual? What am
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Speaker 4: I really here to do? Who am I really here
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Speaker 4: to be? Where am I drawn? And what is it
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Speaker 4: about this other person that has really drawn me to them?
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Speaker 4: And how do I become more aware of this and
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Speaker 4: then what is this relationship when we come together? What
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Speaker 4: does this entity want? And going deep into that and
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Speaker 4: exploring that is fundamentally it's more fun, it's deep, but
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Speaker 4: it makes life more rich and fundamentally, I think it
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Speaker 4: brings more love to the relationship. And if I was
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Speaker 4: going to say there's a key to all of this,
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Speaker 4: it's love. As corny as that can sound, it's like,
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Speaker 4: that's the truth. That's the thing that can guide you.
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Speaker 1: Do you find most couples that come to you are conscious?
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Speaker 1: Like do unconscious people not really do this kind of
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Speaker 1: deep work?
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Speaker 4: Mostly mostly or sometimes somebody in the relationship doesn't, like
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Speaker 4: one of them doesn't really want to be there, and
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Speaker 4: my work is to find out what that's about. No
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Speaker 4: one has to be there, and it's like, let's explore this, like,
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Speaker 4: you don't have to be here. I love you for
9:46
Speaker 4: who you are. Work with me, don't work with me,
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Speaker 4: It's okay, but let's find out what it is you need.
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Speaker 4: And sometimes people come and work with me to separate
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Speaker 4: as well. It's like, how do we do this? There's
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Speaker 4: an edge. This is scary and that's also hard for me.
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Speaker 4: But I have to trust the relationship dreaming. I have
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Speaker 4: to trust what's going on in the background, what's really
10:10
Speaker 4: needing to happen, what's almost happening but not quite. And
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Speaker 4: that could be we're almost deeply in love but not
10:17
Speaker 4: quite or we need to go our own ways. We've
10:21
Speaker 4: lived out a relationship myth and now we need to
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Speaker 4: do it in another way. But I'm a little biased.
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Speaker 4: I'm one for love. I want to try and.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it must be so special working with couples.
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Speaker 1: But yeah, like you said, almost scary as well if
10:35
Speaker 1: you can see different things playing out or just like
10:38
Speaker 1: the hurt that comes with sessions, because I definitely know,
10:40
Speaker 1: like we've had some amazing sessions with you that are
10:42
Speaker 1: just like beautiful and growth, and then we've had some
10:44
Speaker 1: more oddical, like icky moments where we're needing you to
10:47
Speaker 1: almost would you say mediate or just like help us
10:50
Speaker 1: see each other's side and take away almost like diffuse. Yeah,
10:54
Speaker 1: I don't know the energy down.
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Speaker 4: All relationships are different. It's what we call hot spot.
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Speaker 4: When it's hot. Often with a hot spot, we push
11:01
Speaker 4: it away, We go, ah, let's just ignore that. Yeah,
11:05
Speaker 4: So rather than ignore it, let's slow it down. And
11:08
Speaker 4: notice that. And so if we slowed it down, rather
11:11
Speaker 4: than saying you suck, you might say I feel really
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Speaker 4: hurt by you, and you say that to me when
11:17
Speaker 4: I really notice what's going on for me, I feel
11:20
Speaker 4: really hurt. And then maybe the other person goes, well,
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Speaker 4: I didn't want to hurt you.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, soften to that.
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Speaker 4: So it softens it. So by going into the fight
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Speaker 4: rather than ten minutes in where you suck and I
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Speaker 4: hate you and this all happening, we slow it down
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Speaker 4: and we notice what's really so we become conscious of
11:39
Speaker 4: what's really happening.
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Speaker 1: And I love in the times because we've seen you.
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Speaker 1: I don't know when we first saw you. It would
11:44
Speaker 1: have been drinking five years ago, long time ago. And
11:47
Speaker 1: I feel like we've come so far now. We're so
11:49
Speaker 1: much more conscious and aware and self regulated together and separately.
11:55
Speaker 1: But I think when we couldn't regulate and we couldn't agree,
11:58
Speaker 1: there'd be heat, and that's when we would come to
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Speaker 1: you to help, like mediate, diffuse and then hear each
12:03
Speaker 1: other and see each other's perspectives. Whereas sometimes I think
12:05
Speaker 1: if you're in a heated argument and you're not connected
12:08
Speaker 1: and you're not seeing their side. You're so in your
12:10
Speaker 1: own head. But what I found interesting with working with
12:12
Speaker 1: you is a lot of the time, like Steve would
12:14
Speaker 1: explain his experience, I would explain mine, and you'd be like,
12:17
Speaker 1: you know, you're both actually wanting the same thing. So true,
12:19
Speaker 1: you're both wanting connection, you're both wanting to be appreciated,
12:22
Speaker 1: you're both wanting to be seen. Let's bring that together.
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Speaker 1: And it's like, ah, but like having you say that
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Speaker 1: just helped like soften both of us to then be
12:29
Speaker 1: able to have the conversation we actually want to have.
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Speaker 1: And that's the beautiful thing. With a relationship coach or therapist,
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Speaker 1: It's like I think people think you just go there
12:37
Speaker 1: when something's wrong. It's like you go to a personal
12:39
Speaker 1: trainer to learn about your body and health and fitness.
12:41
Speaker 1: You go to an accountant to learn about your finances
12:44
Speaker 1: and have support in that. Relationships need support as well,
12:46
Speaker 1: and you're not given a handbook that's like this is
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Speaker 1: the right way to do it. Everyone's so different. You're
12:50
Speaker 1: combining two different personalities, upbringings to you know, sets of trauma.
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Speaker 1: You're bringing it together. There's going to be moments that
12:57
Speaker 1: are heated and ikey having someone like you to help
13:00
Speaker 1: like grow through that. It's just so beautiful. I honestly
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Speaker 1: reckon every couple should experience it in their life.
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Speaker 4: It's so amazing and it's so important. And sometimes people say, well,
13:11
Speaker 4: we should be able to do this on our own.
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Speaker 4: You can't. Generally. I've been in therapy for thirty years.
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Speaker 4: I still about every three weeks I go back into therapy,
13:20
Speaker 4: partly because it's part of my work because I'm constantly exploring.
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Speaker 4: I'm exploring my changing and changing and evolving.
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Speaker 1: All experiencing different things.
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Speaker 4: That's right, Yeah, and edge figures come up that stop you.
13:34
Speaker 4: There's not just two people in a relationship. There's about
13:36
Speaker 4: a hundred. Because yes, there's all these characters inside ourselves,
13:41
Speaker 4: but there's also the family system outside that. So all
13:45
Speaker 4: these roles are coming in and the critics come in.
13:49
Speaker 4: And I see this a lot with men who are
13:52
Speaker 4: really trying to do their best, and if a woman
13:56
Speaker 4: says anything to them, they feel criticized. It's like, I'm
14:00
Speaker 4: trying here and I actually know this. One one of
14:02
Speaker 4: the reasons I love working with this is because I
14:05
Speaker 4: I know it, and this radically changed mine. In Tabitha's relationship,
14:10
Speaker 4: working on my own critic. So she says something to me.
14:14
Speaker 4: She says, she doesn't say this, but l amplified. She says,
14:17
Speaker 4: you suck. And I'm like, I love you, honey, I
14:22
Speaker 4: love when you talk dirty to me. Yes, let's go,
14:28
Speaker 4: because there's not an inner critic that goes I told
14:30
Speaker 4: you you suck. Yeah, Like, there you go.
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Speaker 3: She's told you, definitely, And if you're going through a
14:35
Speaker 3: tough time in life, like your inner critic is so
14:39
Speaker 3: much more highlighted. And that's when Kurt and I came
14:41
Speaker 3: and saw you, because there was so much happening, not
14:43
Speaker 3: only within our relationship but extended families as well. And
14:47
Speaker 3: it's so hard to clearly see things from the other
14:49
Speaker 3: person's perspective when.
14:50
Speaker 1: You don't even know how you feel. Yeah, like you
14:52
Speaker 1: don't even.
14:53
Speaker 3: Know what's going on, how you're actually feeling because you're
14:55
Speaker 3: trying to digest so much.
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Speaker 1: Coach helps bring clarity and make you not feel so bad.
15:00
Speaker 1: You make you feel so much.
15:01
Speaker 3: I remember walking away and being like, no, I am okay,
15:05
Speaker 3: got that is so true, so highly emotional.
15:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're really You're very validating in your sessions. And
15:12
Speaker 1: I also love how you bring a bit of humor
15:14
Speaker 1: when you're feeling heated, or you're going through something, or
15:16
Speaker 1: you're carrying shame around something, or you just feel lost
15:18
Speaker 1: or stuck. Like we had a session a couple of
15:20
Speaker 1: weeks ago and I was like, I was going through it,
15:22
Speaker 1: and then halfway through you're making me laugh. You're like,
15:24
Speaker 1: what are you laughing at? Like you? But I got
15:28
Speaker 1: to walk away from the session and the whole energy
15:31
Speaker 1: and in my body just felt so much lighter, and
15:33
Speaker 1: it helped me be able to navigate that I think
15:35
Speaker 1: faster because I felt so much lighter. So for anyone
15:39
Speaker 1: who's never done any couples therapy, and you don't just
15:42
Speaker 1: work with.
15:42
Speaker 4: Couples, individuals, ye, women, a lot of men, which is cool,
15:46
Speaker 4: a lot of men.
15:47
Speaker 1: For someone listening who's like has that belief and story
15:50
Speaker 1: that you only go if your marriage is broken or
15:53
Speaker 1: something's really wrong, what advice would you have for them?
15:55
Speaker 4: I would say, you are a mystery and explore that
16:00
Speaker 4: that you're more than. What we're doing is we're working
16:03
Speaker 4: with more than your everyday self, your situation where family
16:07
Speaker 4: is coming in. There are also roles in the system,
16:10
Speaker 4: so we bring them in and we have a dialogue.
16:12
Speaker 4: Generally in relationship, you're thinking, oh, it's just me and
16:16
Speaker 4: my partner. But actually in that moment, all these other
16:19
Speaker 4: roles are coming in. Our Martha's coming in and saying
16:23
Speaker 4: you shouldn't do that, you should be like this, And
16:27
Speaker 4: so we bring those out and we see them. We go, hey, Martha,
16:30
Speaker 4: how you doing? What's going on for you? You know,
16:33
Speaker 4: why are you so hard on these guys? And so
16:36
Speaker 4: we get to explore more of who you are. And
16:39
Speaker 4: the reason we use the term dreaming is because we
16:42
Speaker 4: have all this dreaming around us. We have her everyday self.
16:46
Speaker 4: I'm me. I identify as a man who's sitting here
16:50
Speaker 4: in this room. Maybe sometimes I feel a little like
16:55
Speaker 4: a dog, like wolf excited I see our dog. Sometimes
16:58
Speaker 4: she reminds me how to get really really excited about life.
17:03
Speaker 4: And so that's like a dream in process. And we
17:07
Speaker 4: have all these fantasies that we go, oh, I shouldn't
17:09
Speaker 4: have a fantasy about that, I shouldn't feel this way.
17:12
Speaker 4: But actually when I explore that, I go, yeah, I
17:16
Speaker 4: have this fantasy because I want to feel more love,
17:18
Speaker 4: I want to feel more connection, I want to feel
17:20
Speaker 4: whatever that is. So we get to explore parts of
17:23
Speaker 4: ourselves what fraud or Young may have called the unconscious
17:27
Speaker 4: parts of ourselves that we don't want to know about
17:31
Speaker 4: or are scary for us. And then we become more whole,
17:35
Speaker 4: and our relationship becomes more whole. And so so much
17:39
Speaker 4: of the work often is individual work. It's like it's
17:42
Speaker 4: couple and individual, and then it's back to individual And
17:45
Speaker 4: a lot of the work I do now with Tabitha
17:47
Speaker 4: and I is a lot of individual work. We've done
17:50
Speaker 4: a lot of couple work, and now we will do
17:52
Speaker 4: a lot of our own individual work and then bring
17:54
Speaker 4: that in and that empowers overflows fully.
17:58
Speaker 1: And what advice would you have to someone because I
18:01
Speaker 1: don't know if this is true, but I do feel
18:02
Speaker 1: like females lead the way with this kind of work
18:05
Speaker 1: because we're a lot more comfortable talking about our emotions
18:08
Speaker 1: being vulnerable. So normally it's the feminine that wants to
18:11
Speaker 1: book the session, in the masculine's I want to talk
18:14
Speaker 1: to someone. Even my first session with Steve and you like,
18:17
Speaker 1: it was hard to get him here, and I don't
18:18
Speaker 1: know if you remember, but his chair was pulled back,
18:21
Speaker 1: like he was distant, he did not want to be there,
18:23
Speaker 1: and as the session went on, you could just he
18:25
Speaker 1: dropped in and he obviously that's a credit to you
18:27
Speaker 1: with how safe you made him feel, and he's gone
18:29
Speaker 1: back for so many more sessions. But what advice do
18:31
Speaker 1: you have for women who want to do this work
18:33
Speaker 1: and what their partners want to be there and actually
18:35
Speaker 1: getting them to a session.
18:36
Speaker 4: What advice would you have for Firstly, you're right, and
18:39
Speaker 4: it's a generalization because there's always a difference there where
18:42
Speaker 4: the man's bringing that in. But generally you're right.
18:45
Speaker 3: Yeah.
18:45
Speaker 4: And one of the things I love about working with
18:49
Speaker 4: men is I genuinely have a heartfelt love for men.
18:52
Speaker 4: So when a man's there in the room, I'm like, welcome, Yeah, welcome,
18:56
Speaker 4: It's so good. It makes me tary. Yeah, so good
18:59
Speaker 4: to have you here. This is important work and women
19:02
Speaker 4: classically are a lot more actor to their feelings, to
19:06
Speaker 4: their emotions. And so firstly, for a woman owning her rank,
19:11
Speaker 4: a man has to own his physical rank if he
19:15
Speaker 4: goes are we equal, Yes, of course you're equal, But
19:18
Speaker 4: if you're in an arm wrestle, generally you're not equal.
19:22
Speaker 4: You have to own the rank. If you don't own
19:24
Speaker 4: the rank, it can become abusive. And so owning your
19:27
Speaker 4: rank that you as a woman may be more evolved
19:31
Speaker 4: emotionally and really holding your man and saying, come along,
19:37
Speaker 4: it's going to be good for us. Come on in,
19:39
Speaker 4: let's do this work. This is really important for me.
19:43
Speaker 4: And if eventually he doesn't do the work yourself, because
19:47
Speaker 4: if you change, it's that whole butterfly. You know, when
19:49
Speaker 4: a butterfly flaps it's wings, it creates a tornado and Texas,
19:53
Speaker 4: it's that idea. If you do the work, you change
19:55
Speaker 4: the system, and so do that work work on your
20:00
Speaker 4: own masculine, I wanted to be more like this. Oh
20:03
Speaker 4: I need to have a relationship with part of myself
20:06
Speaker 4: as well. While also if he's more masculine, now I
20:09
Speaker 4: can be more feminine. Okay, let's embrace more of you're
20:12
Speaker 4: feminine and explore that. But yeah, ideally bring him in
20:17
Speaker 4: because if he's not there and you're working on a relationship,
20:20
Speaker 4: we'll bring him in any way, meaning he's not physically
20:24
Speaker 4: in the room, but he will be in the room
20:25
Speaker 4: because it's a role. What are you going to say
20:28
Speaker 4: to him? What's he going to say? And that works
20:30
Speaker 4: really well, But if you can actually have the dude
20:32
Speaker 4: in the room. It's even better because we can get
20:36
Speaker 4: a live response.
20:38
Speaker 3: Yeah.
20:38
Speaker 1: But if they're like, no, I'm not doing that, you
20:40
Speaker 1: can still go do your own. You can still book
20:42
Speaker 1: the session in and start and like hold the torch,
20:44
Speaker 1: lead the way and hopefully.
20:46
Speaker 4: I'm going and I did this session and I just
20:50
Speaker 4: have this awareness and I feel really great. I wish
20:52
Speaker 4: you were there.
20:53
Speaker 3: They see it. Hey, the more they see it and
20:55
Speaker 3: see the change in you, they're back.
20:56
Speaker 1: Came in a second down the track.
20:58
Speaker 4: Do you always grow and change?
20:59
Speaker 3: Yeah?
20:59
Speaker 4: Absolutely, But when you're starting, it's like explosive, and sometimes
21:03
Speaker 4: your partner will go, what's happened to you?
21:05
Speaker 1: You like?
21:06
Speaker 4: You? Yeah, now you're scary and I don't know if.
21:09
Speaker 3: I like And you can tak me like, oh, you're triggered,
21:12
Speaker 3: Like once you learn all these things about like triggers
21:15
Speaker 3: or you know, yeah, you're right.
21:17
Speaker 1: It can be uncomfortable if your partner's growing and changing
21:19
Speaker 1: at a rapid rate, because you feel like, well, you're
21:21
Speaker 1: falling behind or you don't know them anymore, like the
21:23
Speaker 1: future is almost uncertain, which can be become comfortable with
21:26
Speaker 1: some people if they're unconscious, right.
21:28
Speaker 4: That's right, And if you're conscious, a jealousy rises up. Yeah,
21:32
Speaker 4: says oh, I don't like this.
21:35
Speaker 1: You're going to grow and leave me, abandonment, abandon me.
21:39
Speaker 4: And then it's like at that point, it's like come with.
21:41
Speaker 1: Me, yes, come along, Like, come.
21:44
Speaker 4: Along, let's remember what we fell in love with together. Yeah,
21:49
Speaker 4: what you do. I don't want to have to go
21:51
Speaker 4: and do all this again. Let's come and let's do
21:53
Speaker 4: this together. When someone says occasionally you see people who
21:56
Speaker 4: were like I'm exactly the same person I was when
22:00
Speaker 4: I was twenty, I'm.
22:01
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, God, is that true. It's the opposite too,
22:07
Speaker 1: Like I remember I had some high school girlfriends be like, oh,
22:09
Speaker 1: you know you've just changed so much. I'm like, yeah,
22:11
Speaker 1: thank god, I don't want to have been sixteen year
22:14
Speaker 1: old self. Like I hope I continue changing. Like we
22:16
Speaker 1: say we hope. We listen even back to some of
22:17
Speaker 1: our episodes and be like, oh, we're thinking I like that.
22:21
Speaker 1: We would think that, like even this time last year,
22:23
Speaker 1: I feel like we've just been through so much and
22:25
Speaker 1: grown so so much. That's so cool and exciting.
22:28
Speaker 4: It's quite amazing, isn't it. Yaation in the air that
22:32
Speaker 4: says you've changed, and one of the ways that you
22:36
Speaker 4: bypass the critic is by picking up an accusation and
22:40
Speaker 4: owning it. Yeah, and even if it's zero point zero
22:43
Speaker 4: one percent true, we si on a dreaming level. There
22:46
Speaker 4: has to be a certain portion of truth, and you
22:48
Speaker 4: can't go I know I've changed. I suck. You have
22:50
Speaker 4: to love it about you. Yeah, And it's like, I
22:53
Speaker 4: know I have changed.
22:55
Speaker 1: Don't you love me?
22:56
Speaker 4: And I am amazing, I'm so beautiful. When you pick
23:00
Speaker 4: that up for yourself, you're free. You're free the critic. Yeah,
23:04
Speaker 4: and then journal critical figures won't get you or drop away.
23:08
Speaker 1: And I also feel like it then makes the other
23:10
Speaker 1: person that said that like think more and be like,
23:12
Speaker 1: oh yeah, like it's not so bad that you've changed.
23:15
Speaker 1: They've going to even reflect Yeah changed, Yeah, yeah I
23:18
Speaker 1: haven't changed. Maybe I want to change too. I always
23:20
Speaker 1: joke and say that Steve's married like seven different women,
23:23
Speaker 1: because I know I was talking to the other day
23:27
Speaker 1: about like, I'm going to start working with a feminine coach,
23:29
Speaker 1: and I'm just excited to get to know who Ashy
23:32
Speaker 1: is without the titles and the hustle and all you
23:34
Speaker 1: know that I've been doing the last couple of years
23:36
Speaker 1: gave him hug. I'm like, get ready, you're gonna get
23:38
Speaker 1: married again. A new wife. She's being born. Who knows
23:42
Speaker 1: what she's going to be like, but I think she's
23:43
Speaker 1: going to be amazing.
23:46
Speaker 4: Yeah, because you will grow into who you're called to
23:50
Speaker 4: be exactly drawn And so there's this calling, this feeling. Yeah,
23:54
Speaker 4: like there's this other part of me, and it does
23:56
Speaker 4: take well for the old one to drop away.
23:59
Speaker 1: It does. Yeah, it's like it's sticky, it is, and
24:01
Speaker 1: you've dropped back into her and then you're like, oh,
24:03
Speaker 1: hang on, Okay, that's what I've been I'm doing, But no,
24:05
Speaker 1: I want to try this drop in and out.
24:08
Speaker 4: Yeah.
24:08
Speaker 1: We're just talking about that on that As she was.
24:10
Speaker 3: Saying to me, She's like, I try to do this
24:11
Speaker 3: and then and catch myself. But I said, that's the
24:13
Speaker 3: process of changing, you know, like you're gonna have.
24:16
Speaker 1: To unlearn and relearn and rewire. It's like such a process.
24:20
Speaker 4: There's two stories around this, and one comes from Custinator's
24:25
Speaker 4: work and Corlous Custinator and I like his work because
24:30
Speaker 4: his therapy in a sense was done in an altered
24:32
Speaker 4: state and he come back into the everyday world and
24:34
Speaker 4: he'd forget what he got. And I know that in
24:38
Speaker 4: therapy myself. Sometimes I'm like wow, because you are in
24:41
Speaker 4: an altered state, you're accessing another part of you, and
24:44
Speaker 4: then you start to come back into your everyday self,
24:47
Speaker 4: and it takes time for this other part to really
24:51
Speaker 4: develop and to really solidify. Customator would say to move
24:54
Speaker 4: your assemblage point the way you assemble the world. We
24:58
Speaker 4: assemble the world. It looks like this, it's this way.
25:01
Speaker 4: I'm this person, I'm successful, I'm not successful, I'm whatever
25:04
Speaker 4: I am. And so moving and assembling your world yourself
25:09
Speaker 4: in a different way takes time. So true. And the
25:11
Speaker 4: second idea is the three hundred headed dragon. That we
25:15
Speaker 4: come up against a critical figure that says you're not enough,
25:22
Speaker 4: and we have to We call that an ally figure
25:24
Speaker 4: that you have to do battle with comes as a
25:26
Speaker 4: person sometimes or a setting or a place, and you
25:31
Speaker 4: have to pull that sword out and slay the critical
25:36
Speaker 4: dragon says you're not enough, you need to be more.
25:39
Speaker 4: And then you wake up in the next day and
25:41
Speaker 4: there's another bloody head, yes and so head. So you
25:48
Speaker 4: have to pull the sword out and you have to
25:51
Speaker 4: slay the dragon until you've killed all the heads. That's
25:55
Speaker 4: our daily The second wave of slaying dragons is a
25:59
Speaker 4: death walk, and that's not something that it's kind of
26:04
Speaker 4: like you're with but also not blessed with. A death
26:08
Speaker 4: walk is when someone suddenly gets cancer diagnosis and they
26:13
Speaker 4: give up smoking. Theyre a smoker all their life, they
26:15
Speaker 4: get lung cancer and they suddenly say, I'm radically changing
26:18
Speaker 4: my life. Yeah, and so you make a radical change.
26:22
Speaker 4: So they're kind of the two ways. When that comes along,
26:25
Speaker 4: you work with that. But if it doesn't, you spend
26:27
Speaker 4: your day slaying dragons.
26:29
Speaker 3: It's going to keep pushing through.
26:31
Speaker 4: Just keep chopping off heads.
26:33
Speaker 1: Wow, I've never heard that before either.
26:35
Speaker 3: I love that analogy.
26:36
Speaker 1: It's so cool.
26:37
Speaker 3: That's really a good way to think of it, because
26:39
Speaker 3: it is it's just a continual thing, a continual way
26:41
Speaker 3: to show up every day and you think sometimes you
26:44
Speaker 3: might even think, oh my gosh, like am I improving
26:47
Speaker 3: or is this progressing? And they're like, no, slay it again.
26:52
Speaker 4: I have to say I really felt this. I did
26:53
Speaker 4: a lot of lot of kind of inner work. I
26:56
Speaker 4: was doing courses in my twenties, and I was like,
27:00
Speaker 4: is this really am I getting anywhere? We wouldn't go
27:04
Speaker 4: to things because we're off doing courses of learning. And
27:06
Speaker 4: is this a waste of time? I now know it
27:09
Speaker 4: just wasn't. There is a time where you suddenly there
27:14
Speaker 4: is a change, there's a radical change, and you do
27:17
Speaker 4: have to keep on chopping those heads. You go back
27:20
Speaker 4: and you think, just the same as I was, that
27:23
Speaker 4: can still happen. We can all get caught. I haven't
27:26
Speaker 4: done that work yet. I thought I cleared that one,
27:29
Speaker 4: but one's still around.
27:30
Speaker 1: So true, it's likely head again.
27:35
Speaker 4: Is dead.
27:38
Speaker 1: Can we talk about conscious sex normal sex? Because I
27:43
Speaker 1: feel like people like sex and sex, but I just
27:45
Speaker 1: don't think that. But I'd love to hear your opinions.
27:48
Speaker 1: We love sex. Talking it's really important too, and it's
27:53
Speaker 1: part of working with couples.
27:54
Speaker 4: It has to be. And so the Taoists and the
27:58
Speaker 4: Tan Tricks and these people have really looked at this.
28:01
Speaker 4: And conscious sex is sex just sex? No, it's fundamentally.
28:09
Speaker 4: I think sex becomes better when there's love, like it
28:13
Speaker 4: just does. You can have one night stands and all that.
28:17
Speaker 4: I'm not anti anything, but it gets better than that.
28:20
Speaker 4: And what do you do? How do you do it?
28:23
Speaker 4: One of the things you do is use meditation, techniques again,
28:27
Speaker 4: slow it down. What is the experience that is actually
28:31
Speaker 4: happening during sex? Like it is an altered state. It is,
28:36
Speaker 4: It's a truly deeply altered state, and sometimes we miss it.
28:39
Speaker 4: It's like two minutes later and it's done. But if
28:42
Speaker 4: we slow it down and really explore what is the
28:45
Speaker 4: experience that is really going on? And that's when the
28:49
Speaker 4: Dow and the Tan tricks were into non ejaculation because
28:54
Speaker 4: you can slow down the experience. Rather than just getting
28:56
Speaker 4: to the goal, getting to the orgasm, you slow the
29:00
Speaker 4: experience down and notice what is really happening here, experience
29:05
Speaker 4: in my body, what is experience in this other person's body,
29:09
Speaker 4: and what is really happening to the tour of us?
29:12
Speaker 4: Many things say that we meld into the dow, into
29:14
Speaker 4: the one, and all our edges also come up during sex.
29:18
Speaker 4: Do I have an edge to love? Do I have
29:20
Speaker 4: an edge to experience? What am I not experiencing here?
29:24
Speaker 4: What is the other world that is scary for me?
29:27
Speaker 4: That I need to explore more of myself and who
29:30
Speaker 4: I am in this intimate moment?
29:34
Speaker 3: Interesting? I want to know because I'm hearing you talking
29:37
Speaker 3: about like slower sex, that sounds so nice, But when
29:42
Speaker 3: you have got little kids and also having someone who's
29:47
Speaker 3: maybe got a bit of a higher sex drive, so
29:49
Speaker 3: I wanted to have sex more frequently. How do you
29:52
Speaker 3: navigate the balance? I guess between the two having like
29:56
Speaker 3: a longer session and you know, guess it's hard.
30:00
Speaker 4: Yeah and fast quick sex great? Yeah, Okay, sometimes that's.
30:05
Speaker 1: The moment for maybe that's the season.
30:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, what's the experience in the moment, like what.
30:09
Speaker 1: It's exciting and that could be cool to h that's right.
30:12
Speaker 4: We're not anti anything, but generally for most of us,
30:15
Speaker 4: it's all too fast. Yeah, there's a whole idea of
30:19
Speaker 4: slow the fuck down, definitely, because that gets marginalized and
30:24
Speaker 4: we miss the experience. Sometimes it is great just to go, yeah,
30:27
Speaker 4: let's have some fun. I love you.
30:29
Speaker 1: This is so great And.
30:32
Speaker 4: For men, it's really good for them to explore. He's
30:35
Speaker 4: a radical idea for men to have sex and to
30:40
Speaker 4: not orgasm.
30:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, i'd imagine.
30:44
Speaker 4: I know.
30:44
Speaker 3: I was going to ask you, what do you think
30:46
Speaker 3: about men having a high sex drive that are like
30:49
Speaker 3: wanting really regular sex. Do you think that there's some
30:53
Speaker 3: sort of thing that they're maybe lacking within themselves because
30:57
Speaker 3: they need to feel that's really two.
30:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got a girlfriend that thinks that says she
31:01
Speaker 1: gets it. She wants more sex because that's the moment
31:04
Speaker 1: that she feels love and connection and makes her feel
31:07
Speaker 1: enough from a man. That's what she craves more of.
31:10
Speaker 1: It's interesting, that's right.
31:12
Speaker 4: So she craves a man. There's something in the man
31:17
Speaker 4: that she gets that she needs more of. Now, I
31:19
Speaker 4: experience love, and I truly think for men one of
31:24
Speaker 4: the things that they do crave about sex is it's
31:27
Speaker 4: the one place they can experience love and a man
31:31
Speaker 4: with no shame. They can they can actually experience. They
31:34
Speaker 4: don't experience love in many other places.
31:36
Speaker 1: Yes, that's why they crave. They can crave more of
31:39
Speaker 1: it because they're not getting out of the place.
31:40
Speaker 3: Actually, if you know, you're busy with kids or doing things,
31:42
Speaker 3: they don't have that connection with you throughout the day.
31:44
Speaker 4: The day to day tasks. Men shut often shut down,
31:48
Speaker 4: shut down from the experiences. But in this moment, if
31:50
Speaker 4: they actually go fast, go slow, but notice the experience
31:54
Speaker 4: and the experiences. Oh I love you, Oh my goodness,
31:58
Speaker 4: I love you, I love you. And then after the
32:00
Speaker 4: organisms later I'm off because the fires gone and allowing them.
32:07
Speaker 4: That's why it's sometimes good for men to sometimes not
32:11
Speaker 4: have sex and really experience it. Can create frustration for them,
32:15
Speaker 4: but also to experience that fire that's rising up in them.
32:18
Speaker 4: How do I bring this to my life? And absolutely
32:23
Speaker 4: there's something around anything that we crave. That can be
32:26
Speaker 4: chocolate cake, or that can be sex.
32:29
Speaker 1: Because there can be a coping mechanism right to numb
32:31
Speaker 1: out and to distract, whether that's through porn, through sex,
32:35
Speaker 1: through our partner, through sugar, through anything that's addicted or
32:38
Speaker 1: releases those.
32:39
Speaker 4: Yes, and we know addictive rates to men are high. Yes,
32:44
Speaker 4: and there's something that they're craving that they need more of.
32:48
Speaker 4: And the problem with addictions is you never get it.
32:52
Speaker 4: It's like a mirror. You think, I'm going to get this.
32:54
Speaker 4: Finally I'm going to get love, or finally I'm going
32:57
Speaker 4: to get enough. I'm gonna have that cake and get
32:59
Speaker 4: some sweetness in my life. Or I'm going to gamble
33:01
Speaker 4: and I'm going to have a win. Finally I'll have
33:03
Speaker 4: a win. Now, these are all things that you actually
33:07
Speaker 4: need more of. That man needs more sex than his
33:11
Speaker 4: life without having sex. Yes, how do I really experience sex?
33:16
Speaker 4: Not just in the bedroom, and yes, experience sex in
33:19
Speaker 4: the bedroom, but experience it everywhere.
33:22
Speaker 1: You said that about alcohol to me once when we
33:24
Speaker 1: were talking about it, like for people to be able
33:26
Speaker 1: to get drunk without alcohol, just like feel drunk and
33:30
Speaker 1: feel alive. And I was like, that's how I feel like.
33:31
Speaker 1: People look at me when I'm out and I'm not
33:33
Speaker 1: drinking and I look like the drunk one, and I'm like, no,
33:36
Speaker 1: I'm just drunk on life. I'm excited. I'm literal.
33:40
Speaker 4: Drunk on life. I went to a party one time
33:43
Speaker 4: and the next day people said to me, God, you're
33:45
Speaker 4: blind last night not a thing, but I could feel
33:50
Speaker 4: the field. Yeah, rather than push it away, I actually
33:53
Speaker 4: felt the field. And people use alcohol often to have
33:58
Speaker 4: a break from life, but also to put their critic
34:00
Speaker 4: to sleep. Yes, so a whole you suck, You're no good,
34:05
Speaker 4: you can't dance, and then a bottle of te quill a, lady,
34:09
Speaker 4: you're the.
34:09
Speaker 1: Greatest dance I can. So when you say have sex
34:13
Speaker 1: without having sex, how how.
34:18
Speaker 4: Notice the experience? Okay, So people can also do solo
34:21
Speaker 4: practices where they're exploring who am I, what's the experience
34:24
Speaker 4: that's happening to me? Explore that, but then also explore
34:29
Speaker 4: what happens to me during sex. Well, you know, often
34:33
Speaker 4: for men, initially they feel there's this concept that women
34:38
Speaker 4: experience sex from their heart down to their genitals. So
34:43
Speaker 4: they open their hearts and then they open themselves fully
34:47
Speaker 4: because men the opposite, the opposite, and they're like, I
34:51
Speaker 4: love you, I love you, and then they but true sex,
34:54
Speaker 4: they experiencing and opening their heart and so feeling actually
34:59
Speaker 4: feeling that experience that rising you know, the kundolini moving
35:04
Speaker 4: up and open your heart and experiencing that and feeling strong.
35:08
Speaker 4: In traditional Chinese medicine, particularly for men, if they have
35:12
Speaker 4: too much sex, it depletes their ging, which is their
35:14
Speaker 4: life force, which is stored in their kidneys. So preserving
35:18
Speaker 4: that is really important. The dow was set at a
35:20
Speaker 4: certain age. If you're eighteen, you should be having sex
35:23
Speaker 4: all the time, of sense, you can get away with it.
35:26
Speaker 4: A sixty year old has to really modulate that. It's
35:30
Speaker 4: another perspective because it's going to drain their life force.
35:33
Speaker 4: An example of that is heroin. What heroin does is
35:37
Speaker 4: it pushes the life force into the body, so you're
35:40
Speaker 4: actually shooting up your own life force. And it's why
35:43
Speaker 4: someone who's doing heroin can look twenty years older than
35:46
Speaker 4: they are because they're actually getting high on themselves and
35:51
Speaker 4: they're depleting themselves. So taking care of your ging. So
35:54
Speaker 4: one of the things if a man's libido's low, one
35:58
Speaker 4: of the things we can do is make sure there's
36:00
Speaker 4: not too much ejaculation, that he's building his yang, that
36:04
Speaker 4: yang energy, and so he can actually work on that
36:07
Speaker 4: and develop and bring that yang energy. And where else
36:09
Speaker 4: can I use this? When I open my heart and
36:12
Speaker 4: I feel, oh, I love this, and you can bring
36:15
Speaker 4: this to all sorts of places. You can bring a
36:17
Speaker 4: sense of love to your work, to your friends, to
36:21
Speaker 4: your mates, all these types of things because you feel
36:25
Speaker 4: this energy suddenly surging through your body. A man classically
36:29
Speaker 4: classically falls asleep after sex because he's gone into a
36:33
Speaker 4: year state. He's gone from yang to a year and
36:37
Speaker 4: there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes that's important for him.
36:40
Speaker 4: But if he wants to build that yang, that's a
36:43
Speaker 4: way of doing it, and then use that yang. Slow
36:45
Speaker 4: it down when the kids aren't around, which is hard.
36:48
Speaker 4: It's hard, and you can also go, let's slow down
36:52
Speaker 4: just for a second and notice what's really happening here.
36:55
Speaker 4: I know the kids are in the other room. We've
36:57
Speaker 4: only got three minutes. But let's take three seconds like
37:00
Speaker 4: nearly noticing the experience, because too often missing our experience,
37:07
Speaker 4: not just sexually, but in everything. It's like where did
37:10
Speaker 4: my life just go? Yeah, you know the concept of
37:13
Speaker 4: the power of now moment, what is really happening? This
37:18
Speaker 4: is weird and altered, and so much is happening here
37:21
Speaker 4: in this sexual moment. I haven't got a clue what's
37:24
Speaker 4: really going on. Let's just slow it down and notice
37:26
Speaker 4: for a moment what is happening, even if that's just
37:29
Speaker 4: thirty seconds. There's always enough time. Someone said that to
37:33
Speaker 4: me as a mantra. There's enough time for what needs
37:37
Speaker 4: to happen to happen.
37:38
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful.
37:39
Speaker 4: And notice what you're craving as a part. This is
37:43
Speaker 4: a dance as a woman. You might be saying I
37:45
Speaker 4: want to slow things down, or you might be young, no,
37:47
Speaker 4: I want to speed things up. But notice your own experience.
37:51
Speaker 4: There's nothing wrong other than not trusting our own experience.
37:56
Speaker 3: It's so funny at Kurt and I often say that
37:58
Speaker 3: we feel like well, for him to feel love, like
38:00
Speaker 3: you just said before, he needs to have sex. But
38:02
Speaker 3: then for me to want to have slow, long, passionate
38:06
Speaker 3: good sex, I need to feel love first. So I
38:09
Speaker 3: need to feel connected. I need him to be there
38:11
Speaker 3: throughout the day, physical touch, telling me the nice things.
38:13
Speaker 3: But if it's busy and I'm not getting that, that's
38:15
Speaker 3: where we start to disconnect.
38:17
Speaker 4: There's an idea around fullness. Women need to feel empty.
38:25
Speaker 4: Now I don't have to wash the socks and I
38:27
Speaker 4: don't have to think about the dishes. Now I'm empty
38:31
Speaker 4: and I can surrender.
38:33
Speaker 1: The mental load's done.
38:34
Speaker 4: That's right. I have to surrender because I want to
38:37
Speaker 4: surrender to the divine. Where a male fills with stress,
38:42
Speaker 4: feels full and he wants to feel empty relief and
38:46
Speaker 4: so feel release, and he does as sex makes him
38:49
Speaker 4: feel empty. So suddenly if he's all full, his libido
38:53
Speaker 4: will go up. It's a mess, really, the way we're
38:56
Speaker 4: set up it is. This is awareness. We're talking about
39:00
Speaker 4: conscious relationships and being aware of our own nature. And
39:05
Speaker 4: so as a male, if you feel, yeah, I need
39:09
Speaker 4: to have sex to feel love, it's like let that
39:12
Speaker 4: build up a little bit and feel that sexual nature
39:15
Speaker 4: and then oh, maybe I need to bring this in
39:17
Speaker 4: different way. Maybe I could use it with words. Maybe
39:19
Speaker 4: I could say to you how gorgeous you look and
39:22
Speaker 4: how amazing and you're radiating today and start to bring
39:26
Speaker 4: that sexual energy. So, in a sense, having sex, there's
39:29
Speaker 4: a whole idea that four plays twenty four.
39:30
Speaker 1: Hours, Yeah, starting it, I agree, yeah's.
39:33
Speaker 4: Twenty four hours a day. And are you working her
39:37
Speaker 4: up to the bedroom?
39:38
Speaker 1: Yeah?
39:39
Speaker 4: You know, so it's not a four place three seconds?
39:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and then it's done. If men are not
39:44
Speaker 1: aware of that too, I think women then can just
39:47
Speaker 1: PITIFU can just do it, they want to tick the
39:49
Speaker 1: box and make them feel good or like oh okay,
39:52
Speaker 1: and that's just not conscious and beautiful and not a
39:54
Speaker 1: good experience for either.
39:55
Speaker 4: Really, there's places for everyone, but it's really important to
39:59
Speaker 4: acknowledge that as a woman, this doesn't actually make me
40:03
Speaker 4: feel good. And the truth is, I truly believe there's
40:07
Speaker 4: no better sex for a man than when a woman
40:10
Speaker 4: is in desire. Yes, it's just it's just radiates. Men
40:15
Speaker 4: need to know that themselves, And of course there's a
40:19
Speaker 4: time and a place I'll do this for you, and
40:20
Speaker 4: I'll do that. Fundamentally, you don't want your relationship built
40:23
Speaker 4: on that.
40:24
Speaker 3: No compromise every now and then.
40:26
Speaker 4: But yeah, yeah, that's right, but really.
40:29
Speaker 3: Feel the love and the connection.
40:32
Speaker 4: Yeah, the other love and connection and sex in some
40:35
Speaker 4: ways is reminding us of that. Yeah, but slowing down,
40:40
Speaker 4: so not just slowing sex down, slowing life down. Yeah,
40:43
Speaker 4: I need you to tell me how gorgeous I am
40:47
Speaker 4: And I just told you five minutes ago. Well, I
40:49
Speaker 4: need to tell me. I want more.
40:53
Speaker 1: I want more.
40:55
Speaker 4: Good for you.
40:56
Speaker 1: Sometimes I think as women we would carry shame around
40:58
Speaker 1: requesting and wanting more, like we're too needy or too much.
41:01
Speaker 1: But it's like when you bring the playfulness into it, Steve,
41:04
Speaker 1: I want more. It's funny, it breaks it breaks it
41:07
Speaker 1: down and brings lightness. So then I feel like the
41:10
Speaker 1: masculine is more attracted and drawn into that playfulness because
41:13
Speaker 1: it's silly and fun. It's not needy, and like, yeah,
41:16
Speaker 1: it feels nicer. The inner critics so interesting, and I'm
41:20
Speaker 1: really excited that we get to touch on that on Wednesday.
41:23
Speaker 1: So wrap this episode here. I feel like we could
41:25
Speaker 1: talk to you for days and hours, so much fun.
41:29
Speaker 1: So on Wednesday, going to be talking about men's mental
41:31
Speaker 1: health and in a critic, which is really exciting, but
41:34
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being here. If anyone's listening
41:37
Speaker 1: is like, oh, I want to do a session with him.
41:39
Speaker 1: Where do they find you?
41:40
Speaker 4: You can find me at Bradfanel dot com, brad fanell
41:44
Speaker 4: f E double n E, double L my Insta.
41:47
Speaker 1: Your Instagram is amazing. I love your just short little
41:49
Speaker 1: clips are so easy to digest and funny and just
41:51
Speaker 1: like your energy. You do a little role playing as well,
41:53
Speaker 1: which I love.
41:53
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just curious about life and we're fun, noticing
41:57
Speaker 4: and fun. Then we were talking about this earlier comedy, laughter, fun, playfulness, seriousness.
42:03
Speaker 4: It's good, but not too much.
42:05
Speaker 1: I also love how you said, just to wrap it up,
42:07
Speaker 1: that you're not anti anything. I love that. It's just
42:10
Speaker 1: so for minded. It's like there's no wrong, right good
42:12
Speaker 1: about it. It's like, let's explore this, see how it
42:14
Speaker 1: feels for you, see how it feels for the relationship.
42:16
Speaker 1: Like that's so cool.
42:17
Speaker 4: Let's all fall in love with ourselves, with each other.
42:21
Speaker 4: Everyone nature.
42:23
Speaker 1: How do you see your last name?
42:25
Speaker 4: Fel?
42:25
Speaker 1: I've been saying Fenel, what I'm actually anything?
42:33
Speaker 4: I couldn't I couldn't care less. I've had the boys
42:36
Speaker 4: are talking.
42:37
Speaker 1: Everyone says that I know great vegetable.
42:40
Speaker 4: It's a great actually love that, Like, if you're going
42:43
Speaker 4: to be named after any veget.
42:45
Speaker 1: It's a great vegetory name. I don't know. It goes
42:48
Speaker 1: with so much, how would you explain it? Flavor adds
42:51
Speaker 1: so much flavor to it, doesn't it. Licorice, you add
42:55
Speaker 1: so much flavor to life. So thank you so much
43:03
Speaker 1: for joining us, and stay tuned guys for Wednesday. It's
43:06
Speaker 1: going to be an incredible episode. We'll see then. Bye
43:08
Speaker 1: bye
43:14
Speaker 4: H